


Chances

by sekinsey68



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-02
Updated: 2007-01-02
Packaged: 2019-05-30 23:05:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 46
Words: 304,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15106649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sekinsey68/pseuds/sekinsey68
Summary: Donna witnesses a murder and steps into a conspiracy that puts her life and ultimately Josh's in jeopardy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Chapter 1

Josh finished reviewing the file he needed for his meeting with Leo and looked over the remainder of his schedule for the day. He frowned when he saw the notation for another meeting that had been scheduled during the same time as his meeting with Leo.

“Donna!”

With her usual promptness, Donna appeared in the doorway. “Josh, how long have we worked together?”

Josh blinked in confusion at her question. “What?”

Donna leaned against the door frame and folded her arms. “I said, how long have we worked together?”

“Including the campaign, about 7 years,” Josh replied still frowning.

“Yes, and in all that time how is it that you haven’t learned to stop yelling and use the intercom when you want something?”

“But I like yelling. It helps me practice for when I’m screaming at Republicans.” He smirked a little. “Besides, you came, didn’t you?”

Donna resisted the urge to throw her pen at him. “Only because you would have kept on yelling and disrupting the entire bullpen if I hadn’t.” She sighed. “Now, what did you want?”

He held up his schedule. “What’s the deal with this meeting I have on my schedule at 8 tonight?”

She always had his schedule memorized so she didn’t have to look at the paper he was holding to know what he was referring to. “That’s your meeting at the Feminist Majority Foundation.”

“What do they want to see me for? So they can burn me in effigy?”

“I don’t know, Josh, have you done something to piss off the feminists lately?” she asked pushing away from the doorframe and walking over to his desk.

“No, and you said ‘lately’ like I’ve done something in the past to piss them off too,” he replied. 

“I believe that’s what ‘lately’ would imply, yes.”

“When? When have I pissed off the feminists?” he demanded.

She smirked at him. “You want them alphabetically or in order by how big the gift basket was I had to send out to fix it?” 

“What you don’t seem to realize is that I’m a friend to the feminists, Donna.”

“Some more than others,” she muttered. ‘Including the person he was going to meet with during the meeting in question,’ she added silently.

Josh narrowed his gaze. They’d had some weird moments in the last few months and not weird in their usual good way. This suddenly felt like another one. “What was that?”

“You’re meeting with the new deputy director of the Feminist Majority Foundation,” she said, rather than answering his question.

“And she is?”

“She would be one Ms. Amelia Gardner.”

“Amy?!”

“Yes, I believe she’s known by that name, too.”

“No, no...!” he whined. “Donna, she’s been calling me for two weeks and I’ve been ducking her.”

“Ah, yes, the Josh Lyman method to making friends and influencing people...ignore them until they go away.”

“Donna!” he said running his hand through his hair in exasperation.

“Josh, I know you’ve been ducking her, which is why she started calling me,” Donna explained. “I told her that you were busy and pretty booked up but, well, she can be very persistent so I gave her an appointment to get her out of my hair.”

“Yes, but now she’s in MY hair!” he exclaimed. “Exactly where I didn’t want her!”

“I know, but I don’t care so much about that,” Donna said with a smirk.

“Seriously, Donna, I don’t even want her in the building!”

“Hence, the reason I made the appointment at her office,” Donna replied calmly.

“So let me see if I’ve got this right,” Josh began. “Not only did you give her an appointment on my schedule, a schedule that barely includes time for me to sleep, BUT I have to take the time to drive to, to...where’s her office?”

“At the FMF headquarters in Arlington...” Donna provided helpfully.

“Arlington! I have to go to Arlington at 8 o’clock at night?!”

“So it would seem,” Donna said still smirking as she enjoyed his annoyance.

Josh opened his mouth to yell some more when he had a flash of inspiration and snapped it closed. “Fine.”

Donna was surprised at sudden agreement. “Fine?”

“Yeah, fine,” he said with a shrug and leaned back in his chair. “You gave her an appointment, you can take the meeting.”

That wiped the smirk cleanly off Donna’s face. “No!”

“Yes.” He was the one smirking now.

“No, Josh, I’ll...I’ll just reschedule it,” Donna said grasping at straws to find a way of getting out of seeing Amy.

“It won’t do any good for you to reschedule it, I don’t want to meet with her,” he replied. “But as you so correctly pointed out, Amy is persistent and she’s going to keep calling for an appointment and that puts her squarely back in YOUR hair.” He smiled. “So why don’t you save us both some grief and just take the meeting?”

With all the talk of things being in their hair, Donna had the crazy urge to scratch her scalp. “But, Josh, she wants to meet with YOU!” 

“Of course she does, everyone wants to meet with me. I’m a powerful guy who has the ear of the President,” he commented smugly. “Who doesn’t want to meet with me?”

“Well, I know for a fact that I’M not really all that crazy about it at the moment.”

“Yeah, well, you’re the exception,” he muttered as he began pulling together the things he was going to need for his next meeting.

“So you don’t think the fact that you’re her twice over ex-boyfriend doesn’t play into her wanting to set up the meeting?” she said trying to get him to see things her way.

“Oh, I know it does.”

“JOSH!!!!”

“Donna, you’re always telling me that you want more responsibility,” he pointed out. “Well, here’s your chance. The Feminist Majority Foundation has a lot of lobbying and public policy power, not to mention that their membership is about 90% Democrat. We need to keep them on our side and stay in their good graces.”

“And they’re so important that you’re sending a mid-level staffer to meet with them?”

He looked at her for a moment. “No, I’m sending the deputy, deputy chief of staff to meet with them.”

Donna felt something stir in her chest. Something sweet and warm. Although she knew he was kind of kidding her and he was sending her to see Amy so that he wouldn’t have to deal with it, she was really very touched by his words.

“If you really don’t want to do it, I can send Ryan instead,” he said quietly.

With his usual twisted sense of timing, Ryan, the intern from bizarro world, picked that moment to start singing. Standing in the middle of the bullpen, he proceeded to belt out his own ear-piercing version of “Satisfaction” by the Rolling Stones.

Josh and Donna exchanged slightly bemused smiles, then Ryan hit a particularly off-key note and Josh rolled his eyes. “God, please don’t make me send Ryan,” he begged her.

Donna folded her arms and stared at Josh for a minute. “Amy’s not going to be happy to see me.”

“I know, but I don’t care about that so much,” he said with a little smirk, quoting her earlier statement. The folding of her arms told him she was going to do it.

“Josh...” she whined a bit.

“Look, Amy will get over her disappointment. Just tell her that I got busy but we still care about their issues and so you’re there as my representative and she can say anything to you that she would have said to me.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that will make her happy,” she muttered sarcastically. 

Now that Josh had extricated himself from the meeting, his curiosity returned. “So Amy’s working at the Feminist Minority Foundation, huh?” After she’d left the White House a few months earlier and the thing with Carrick had blown up in his face, he’d lost track of Amy.

“Yes, I think we’ve already established that,” Donna snarked back. She was in no mood for even the possibility of Josh and Amy, part 3.

Josh ignored her remark. “Just out of curiosity, what did she want to talk about in this meeting?” he asked her.

Donna’s sighed in resignation. “I don’t know. She was oddly vague, even for her. She kept saying that she had something important to talk to you about.”

“Well, Amy always did think her issues were more important than everyone else’s,” Josh replied. Boy, was that the truth.

“Yeah, I gathered she didn’t really want to tell me,” Donna told him. “But I figured you’d want to know though so I pressed her a bit. All I could get her to finally say was that it was something to do with a bill coming up in the House.”

“Like those aren’t a dime a dozen,” Josh joked. “She probably wants to talk about the new House healthcare bill. Which you should have no trouble with. You’re solidly versed in our entire legislative portfolio, so you should be able to handle anything she throws at you. Just don’t promise her anything more than you’ll run what she wants by me and Leo.”

“Okay,” Donna agreed. “Well, you’ve got a meeting with Toby right now and then your meeting with Leo,” she reminded him. “So I’m gonna take care of some things before the meeting with Amy.”

“Yeah,” Josh said searching for a pen and a blank pad to take to his meeting as she walked out of his office.

“Oh, by the way,” she said, sticking her head back in the doorway. “I need your car keys.”

“What?” He looked up at her with a frown. “Why?” 

“Because I don’t want to hotwire your car,” she replied.

“You don’t even know how to hotwire a car.”

“A girl’s gotta have some secrets, Josh,” she said with a perfectly straight face.

“And you’re just a deep well of those, aren’t you, Donnatella?”

She smiled mischievously. “You have no idea.”

“So, wait, can we get back to why you need my car?”

“’Cause I took the metro today,” she replied. “So unless you’d like me to hitchhike to Arlington for the meeting with your ex-girlfriend...”

“Fine, fine,” he said pulling the keys out and tossing them to her. “But could you put gas in it on the way back?”

Smoothly catching the keys, she smiled. “You got it.”

**********

At 7:45 that night, Donna parked the car in front of the 5-story office building in Arlington and went inside. The lobby was occupied by a single guard who was standing behind a wide desk. After asking her to sign in, he gave her a visitor’s badge and directed her to Amy’s office on the fourth floor. 

Stepping off the elevator, Donna paused to take a deep breath. She knew this really was a good opportunity for her to do more and for that she was grateful, but Donna would be lying if she said that she wasn’t nervous. Josh wasn’t the only one that didn’t particularly want to be in the same room with Amy. Although she knew it had been hard on Josh, Donna had been secretly relieved when he and Amy had broken up for the second time and Amy had faded back into the woodwork. The thing from Carrick had been hard enough on Josh, and Donna couldn’t imagine what it would have been like if Amy had been thrown into the mix.

Then there was also whole issue of the, “Are you in love with Josh” question that Amy asked her the night of Zoey’s abduction. A question Donna had never answered and did not plan to answer anytime soon. She just hoped Amy didn’t decide to reopen that discussion in retribution for Donna being there instead of Josh.

Yeah, what was there to be nervous about?

Turning away from the elevator, Donna took in the surroundings. The main offices ringed the perimeter of the floor, while in the center of the room there were work areas and other desks Donna assumed were for the general staff and assistants. With the late hour, it appeared to be all but deserted.

Donna located Amy’s office and through the open door, she saw Amy sitting at her desk, bent over a file she was reading. Music, Donna thought it was Van Morrison, was playing in the background. 

Lifting her hand, Donna gave a clear, loud, knock on the open door. Amy looked up from the file she was reading. If Donna hadn’t been paying close attention she probably would have missed the disappointment and even dismay that flashed through Amy’s eyes when she saw who her visitor was.

“Hi,” Donna said, trying to be cheerful and professional.

“Hey, Donna,” Amy’s tone was pleasant, but she gave Donna a long, unreadable look. “Come on in.”

Donna tried not to feel like the bug being drawn into the spider’s web. “By the way, congratulations on your new job as deputy director.” 

“Thanks,” Amy told her with a little smile as she turned down the music. “Have a seat.”

“I love your office,” Donna said as she settled herself in a chair.

Amy’s smile got a bit wider as she looked around the room. “Yeah, it’s pretty great isn’t it? The walls and the carpet are a little too white for my taste, but I haven’t had a chance to redecorate yet. Of course the terrific view of D.C. makes up for a lot.”

“It’s definitely impressive,” Donna agreed with a polite smile. 

A brief and slightly awkward silence followed. Amy was the one to finally break it. “So, now that we’ve run through all our small talk, are you going to tell me why you’re here and not Josh?”

‘So much for the pleasantries,’ Donna thought. “He just...” she began.

Leaning back in her chair, Amy pulled off her reading glasses and tossed them on the desk. “Wait, don’t tell me, let me guess, now he won’t even take meetings with me and was too chicken to face me and tell me that himself.” 

It surprised Donna that Amy’s voice held more resigned sadness than heat or malice.

“No, of course not,” Donna replied. “He just had another meeting that conflicted with this one, but Josh and the President care about the issues that the Feminist Majority Foundation has and so they sent me to talk to you in his place.”

Amy smiled. “Well said, Donna, but come on, it’s just the two of us here and we both know that’s not why you’re really here.”

Donna was trying to figure out if there was some insult coming from Amy and she told herself to keep her cool no matter what. “No, Josh really did send me here to talk about the issues you and the foundation have.”

“Oh, I have no doubt of that,” Amy answered. “What I’m referring to is why you’re here and he’s not.”

“Well, he...”

Amy spoke before Donna could come up with a good reply. “Because my guess would be that he’s punishing both of us.”

Donna frowned at Amy’s unexpected answer. “What are...?”

“Well, actually I think he’s punishing me more than he’s punishing you. You just got caught in the crossfire.” When Donna remained silent she continued. “He’s punishing me for what happened between us right before I left the White House; the newspaper article, taking initiative on the First Lady’s behalf and many other things that I probably don’t even realize and he doesn’t want anything more to do with me...” Amy paused. “...until it suits his purposes, of course.” 

Amy cocked her head sideways at Donna as if studying her. “As for you, he’s punishing you for giving me an appointment. He’s making you deal with something he doesn’t want to. Josh was always good at avoidance.”

“He really has been busy,” Donna tried. “And he really does want to know what you and the foundation have to say.”

Amy nodded. “He just wants it done through a mediator.”

Again, there was an unexpected sadness in Amy’s tone and it made Donna not want to lie to her. “Something like that.”

“Well, then...” Amy said with a nod, apparently closing the topic. “...let’s not waste anymore time. I wanted to talk about HR 448.” With that Amy leaned forward to rest her arms on the desk, turned into all business mode and began to lay out the foundation’s position on a number of issues pertaining to the bill.

Their discussion lasted nearly an hour and Donna found herself enjoying it immensely. Much to her surprise, Amy didn’t talk down to her, but treated her like an equal and Donna felt like she was learning a lot. She also got the feeling that Amy was enjoying the discussion just as much as she was. 

However, something in the back of her mind was bothering Donna. It was hard to explain, but most of their discussion, while being valid points on the house bill in question, didn’t strike her as something that Amy would have brought up with Josh. Not to mention the fact that it could have simply been done over the phone. Donna began to wonder if this was really what Amy had planned to discuss with him. Because it was subtle and Amy didn’t seem to be doing it to make insult or fun of her or anything, the idea made her more curious than mad.

“So that’s it in a nutshell,” Amy said.

“Okay, well, I can’t promise anything,” Donna said making a few final notes on her pad. “But I will tell Josh everything we discussed.”

Amy nodded. “I appreciate that.”

Another little awkward silence followed, but this time it was Donna that broke it. “Um, Amy, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Was that all you wanted to talk to Josh about? I mean...and I might be way off here, but I get the feeling that there was more. When we talked on the phone, you were so insistent about talking to him and while everything we just talked about was important, in my mind it doesn’t quite fit with that.”

Amy leaned back in her chair and regarded Donna for a moment. “You know I’ve always thought that your talents were wasted in Josh’s office. You’re very perceptive. I think with a little more experience you could be a solid political operative in your own right if you wanted to.”

Donna had no reply for the sudden and unexpected praise from Amy.

Amy smiled again. “Don’t look so surprised, Donna. You’re not the only one who can be perceptive.” She paused. “On the other hand, I also know that where Josh is concerned, you have a highly developed sense of loyalty, something that can be very rare in D.C., and you’d probably never leave him to branch out on your own.”

“He’s given me a lot,” Donna said quietly, not really knowing why she was telling Amy. “More than I had a right to expect.”

Amy got up and walked to the wide window. “I suppose that’s true,” she told Donna as she looked out over the view. “But Donna, don’t forget about everything you’ve given him too.”

Donna frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He relies on you, it’s evident to anyone who sees you two in action that he’d be lost without you.” 

Donna wasn’t sure she knew where this conversation was going, but it was starting to get uncomfortably close to the truth. “I’m not sure we should be talking about this.”

“Probably not,” Amy said as she turned away from the window and walked back to her desk. “In any case, I want you to know that I think you did great in this meeting. You held your own the entire time and I think you should give yourself a little more credit.”

“Thanks,” Donna replied, not knowing what else to say.

Amy sat back down in her chair and fiddled with her glasses for a moment. “Donna, I need a favor.”

‘Well, apparently we’ve come to the reason for all the compliments,’ Donna thought. ‘She wants something.’

“Okay, if I can,” she told Amy.

“I need you to help me convince Josh to meet with me.”

“Oh, Amy, I don’t know...” Donna began. “I mean you know how Josh is when he gets stubborn about something.”

“I know,” Amy agreed. “I also know that if anyone besides Leo or the President can talk him into something, it’s you. Tell him it’s a personal matter.”

“You know he’ll want a little more than that,” Donna said.

“It’s...well, let’s just say that I need his professional opinion about a personal thing I’m going through right now.” She paused. “Actually, that’s really what I’d planned to talk to him about at this meeting tonight. I need to talk to someone I trust and I trust him.”

Donna studied her for a moment. Although she couldn’t say why, she had a very real sense that Amy was being honest with her. It felt very strange to think that she was going to be the one to plead Amy’s case to Josh. Life sure did take some strange turns. 

“I’ll do what I can to convince him,” she told Amy.

Amy looked relieved. “Thanks, Donna.”

Donna nodded. “Well, it’s getting late and I’d better be heading back to the White House.” The two of them stood. 

Amy held out her hand. “Thanks for your time, Donna.” 

“I enjoyed our discussion,” Donna said as the two of them shook hands. 

Amy grinned as their hands dropped away. “Oh, and if you ever decide you want to branch out and try the political operative thing on your own, just give me a call.”

Donna knew there was little chance of that, but she appreciated the sentiment. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.” She turned and started for the door, then paused. “Um, I hate to ask, but can you point me in the direction of the bathroom?” she asked.

“Oh, use mine,” Amy said, pointing to a closed door on the left side of her office. “Another perk with this office,” she added with a grin.

“I don’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense, help yourself,” Amy encouraged.

“Thanks,” Donna replied with a grateful smile.

Walking over to the bathroom, Donna went inside and closed the door behind her. Leaning up against the wall she let out a breath. She wanted a moment to collect herself more than she needed a bathroom break. Going 10 rounds with Amy was enough to give anyone the need for a break. Josh was SOOO going to owe her for this.

Donna splashed a little water on her face, trying to cool her cheeks. Using a small hand towel hanging near the sink, she dabbed off the water, then pulled a compact from her purse and touched up her make up.

Taking a deep breath, she gave herself a final once over in the mirror. Good as new. Picking up her purse, she turned back to the door and laid her hand on the knob and turned it.

Of course, her planned graceful exit was ruined when her purse slipped out of her hand and spilled half its contents on the carpeted bathroom floor. Kneeling down she began to collect her things as quickly as she could. Just as she picked up the last thing, a pack of gum she was pretty sure she’d had since the first Bartlet campaign, she heard Amy’s voice with surprising clarity.

“Who are you?”

Donna didn’t hear a response from anyone and wondered who Amy was talking to. Still on her knees, Donna noticed the reason why she could hear Amy so clearly, the bathroom door was open about a quarter of an inch. It must have happened when she had started to open the door before she dropped her purse. From Donna’s vantage point, she could see Amy standing behind her desk, but she couldn’t see who Amy was talking to or the rest of the room.

“I said, who are you and what are you doing here?!” Amy demanded. 

Donna didn’t see worry or fear on Amy’s face, she just looked curious and maybe a little mad.

“Answer me!” Amy yelled.

There was a brief pause and as Donna watched, Amy’s face suddenly went a little pale and now there WAS fear in her eyes. 

“What the hell is the gun for?” Amy asked in a voice that was surprisingly calm.

‘A gun! They have a gun?!’ Donna mind screamed as her heart began to pound wildly. She wished that she could see more. For a moment, she wondered if she should try and use her cell phone to call 911, but discarded the idea because she was afraid she’d make too much noise and alert the intruder to her presence.

“Where is it?” an unfamiliar masculine voice asked.

Amy frowned. “Where’s what?”

“Don’t get cute with me,” he growled. “Tell me where it is.”

“It would help if you could be more specific.”

His voice was low and very controlled. “The papers, the tapes and any other documents you’ve collected on the congressman and his illegal activities.”

‘A congressman is involved?!’ Donna thought. ‘This can’t be good.’ 

She suddenly felt like she’d landed in some Tom Clancy book. Just what the hell had Amy gotten herself into? Could this be the thing that she wanted to talk to Josh about? 

Donna saw a dawning recognition come over Amy’s face. “Oh, my God, you’re here because...because of James aren’t you?”

There was no response from the gunman.

“You can’t be serious. He wants to KILL me?” Amy demanded incredulously. “Just because I found out about some kickbacks and some election tampering and threatened to go public about it?”

“Something like that,” he said. “Now where is it?”

“I’ve got...I made copies,” she said. “They’re, you know, stashed.”

Even to Donna’s ears Amy sounded like she was lying.

“Where are they stashed?” he asked impatiently.

“I don’t remember.”

“Well, then you’re no good to me,” he replied with no emotion.

Donna saw Amy suddenly throw up her hand as if to ward something off. 

What happened next seemed to happen in slow motion. First Donna heard two muffled thumps and then she saw Amy flinch hard. A misty red cloud sprayed suddenly from her back to shower the white wall behind her.

With dawning horror, Donna realized that she’d just witnessed the intruder shooting Amy twice in the chest. Somehow Donna managed to slap her hand over her mouth to stop the gasp and the scream that desperately wanted to escape. 

Unable to look away, Donna watched as Amy gave an almost pleading look in her direction and then crumpled to the floor behind her desk. Donna could just see Amy’s head and her shoulders where they peeked out from behind the corner of the desk. Amy’s eyes were closed and she was very, very still. Donna was pretty sure she was dead or almost dead, but she continued to stare at her, trying to will her to wake up and prove her wrong.

Donna felt the bile rise in her throat and fought to control it with everything she had. If she got sick now, the gunman would surely discover she was there and she’d be next on his list.

The only thing that managed to finally draw her attention away from the sight of Amy lying crumpled and bleeding on the stark white carpet was the sounds of sudden crashing coming from the office. Since she still couldn’t see him, Donna wondered for a moment what was going on, but then she realized that he was searching the office, and not being very neat about it.

Then he stepped into her field of view. Or at least a view of his back did as he searched a small cabinet behind Amy’s desk. 

Wearing a black trench coat, he looked like something out of ‘The Matrix’ or ‘Men in Black’ as he searched. As far as Donna could tell from her odd vantage point, he was tall and lean, but she had a sense that he was also muscular enough to be a very dangerous threat even without a gun.

Then he turned and started to search Amy’s desk, and Donna could clearly see his face for the first time.

The phrase “face of an angel” popped into Donna’s head. His hair was a pale blonde and his face had features that Da Vinci or Michelangelo might have sculpted. High cheek bones and a generous mouth, and although she couldn’t see them because he was looking down, she imagined that he had blue or green eyes.

Suddenly, it occurred to her that there was a very real possibility that he’d try and search the bathroom. Donna’s horror over seeing Amy get shot morphed into very real fear for herself. 

She had to find a place to hide.

Unfortunately, as she glanced around the bathroom no possibilities jumped out at her. It was really more a powder room than a full bathroom. There was no shower or tub, just a toilet and a pedestal sink. The only other thing in the room was a small coat rack mounted to the wall behind the door, on it hung a single tan trench coat that Donna assumed was Amy’s.

‘Think Donna, think!’ she screamed to herself with an every increasing sense of urgency.

She tried to see the room through the eyes of someone entering the bathroom from the office. ‘What do they see?’ she wondered. Looking at it in that light, she saw her one and only chance, slim as it was.

Her only choice was going to be to stand behind the door. If he opened it, at least she’d have a little cover.

Carefully, while the gunman was still rattling and rustling and crashing through drawers and papers, Donna tried not to make any noise of her own as she got up and moved to the wall. Since she only heard him continue to search, she figured she must have been successful.

Pressing herself against the wall her head just fit under the coat rack. Actually it worked out better than she expected because the coat rack hooks stuck out farther than Donna did, so even if he flung open the door, he’d hit the hooks and not her.

Trying to breathe as slowly and quietly as she possibly could, she waited. Now being in the wrong place to see out of her little crack/hidey hole, Donna couldn’t tell what he was doing and had nothing to do but wait to see what was going to happen next. 

That is until her heart nearly stopped when she realized there was a flaw in her plan. She could see herself in the bathroom mirror and she could see the spot where someone would be standing if they came into the bathroom. If she could see the spot, then anyone standing in it would be able to see her in the mirror.

Trying to think quickly, she felt Amy’s coat pressing against her back and realized that it might just do the trick. If she stood behind the coat, that’s all anyone would see in the mirror if they came in. Granted her feet and the bottom half of her legs would be visible but you wouldn’t see that in mirror. At that point it was the only thing she could see to do.

Slipping behind the coat, she reached up and used her fingers to pinch the lining of the coat and keep it from falling off the hook. Now if she could just stop trembling. Somehow she didn’t think that a shaking trench coat was going to help a whole lot.

As if he’d heard her thoughts, the gunman chose that moment to push open the bathroom door and look inside.


	2. Chances

Chapter 2

From her hiding place under Amy’s coat, Donna held her breath. She’d managed to turn her head enough to find a tiny gap between the coat and the wall. Through the gap she was just able to see the mirror and it’s reflection of what was going on in the bathroom.

The gunman was standing in the doorway scanning the bathroom with a long slow look. His stare was intense and probing. She could see his eyes in the mirror now and while they were indeed blue as she suspected, what she saw in them made her want to tremble all over again. In sharp contrast to his handsome face, his eyes were flat and cold.

‘Quiet, you have to be still and quiet,” she told herself over and over. ‘If you make any noise at all he’ll find you.’ She tried to visualize herself as tiny and insignificant. Something more akin to a fly on the wall than a person trying to hide against it.

Between the tension and the fear pumping through her, Donna’s body felt numb and detached from her brain. Holding her breath for so long didn’t help either; like a swimmer that had been underwater too long, her lungs were burning to breathe freely again. 

For a long moment he seemed to be staring right at her in the mirror, almost as if he could tell she was hiding there and would expose her hiding spot any minute.

Just when she thought that she would pass out from holding her breath, the gunman turned and walked back into the office. As he did, the door swung partially closed. Relief flooded through her like a drug injected into her veins and her body threatened to collapse in a heap. On the other hand, she was very aware of the fact that the gunman was probably still out in the office and she couldn’t let her guard down, so she forced herself to remain pressed against the wall.

She did, however, allow herself the luxury of taking a breath. Not nearly the deep, lung filling gasps that her body was screaming for, but little short, shallow breaths that were better than nothing.

It occurred to her then that with the door opened halfway like it was, she might be able to see out into the office if she moved over to where the door was hinged to the frame. Moving quietly and being careful not to jar the door, she slid out from behind the coat and eased to her left. The gap got too narrow for her whole body to fit, but she leaned sideways a bit and was able to get her head over far enough that her left eye was in just the right spot to look out the crack created by the door hinges. Whereas her earlier viewing spot had showed her Amy and the desk, her new vantage point looked directly into the rest of the office.

Without the coat blinding her and muffling the sound, Donna felt a little more aware of what was going on. She scanned the office, as much as she could anyway, and didn’t see any movement or hear any noise. Feeling very much like the mouse being stalked by the cat, she wondered if the gunman was toying with her, waiting to pounce on her when she came out. 

Then she heard it.

First it was a groan...

Then it was a cough....

Finally it was a weak, almost strangled cry for help.

Donna realized that it was Amy.

She waited for a moment longer to see if the gunmen went to finish Amy off, but as before, she didn’t see or hear anything except Amy in the office. She knew leaving her hiding place was taking a chance, but she had to check on Amy and couldn’t stay in the bathroom forever.

Slowly and with great trepidation, she eased out from behind the door and craned her head around it to survey the office. It was well as truly trashed as she’d expected, but, except for Amy, it also appeared to be empty. 

Carefully, she pushed the door open a bit wider and forced herself to walk completely around it to stand in the doorway. Again, she saw no one, but Amy, who was still lying on the floor behind the desk, breathing raggedly.

Donna’s first thought was to close and lock the office door in case he came back. Part of her realized that a locked door wouldn’t stop a trained killer with a gun he didn’t mind using, but the idea of closing it made her feel better anyway. Although she knew she could have just run out and made the security guard downstairs call 911, Donna couldn’t... wouldn’t leave Amy. Besides, the gunman could still be roaming the halls and if she went running blindly through the building, she imagined she’d make an easy target. 

Now that her mind had something to do, it was as if she’d been stuck with a sharp object and her body had overcome its fear to leap into action. She all but ran over to the office door and started to slam it closed, but then realized that if the gunman was anywhere in the vicinity, he’d hear it. Doing anything to draw attention was the last thing she wanted so she closed it as quickly and quietly as she could and then carefully locked it.

Feeling that they were at least a little more secure, Donna turned and headed back for Amy, who was clearly in bad shape. In fact, Donna wondered how she was even alive at all. The front of Amy’s blouse was soaked in blood from the two gunshot wounds to her chest and the carpet around her now was vivid red instead of pristine white, indicating that she was quickly bleeding to death.

Donna knew she had to do something. She was all that Amy had. Quickly she went into the bathroom and snatched the two hand towels off the rack.

“Donna?” Amy choked weakly as Donna knelt down next to her. “Have to hide...he’ll see you.”

“Shh, it’s okay,” Donna said soothingly as she pulled off her jacket to and fished the cell phone out of her purse. “He left the office...I locked the door,” she tried to explain as she folded her jacket and put it under Amy’s head. Then she set about folding the hand towels. “I’m sorry, but this is going to hurt.” Trying to stop the bleeding, Donna pressed the first towel down on the bullet wound that looked like it was bleeding the most.

“God...” Amy choked out. 

“Sorry,” Donna said apologetically. The emotion that threatened to overwhelm Donna generated a stabbing pain in her chest. Shoving it away, she dialed 911 on her cell.

“It’s okay,” Amy said. “Just...didn’t know...shot...would hurt so much.” Her words were punctuated with wet gasps. A trail of blood, punctuated by tiny bubbles had emerged from her mouth to run down over the side of her chin.

A mechanical voice answered the phone and told Donna to hold and her call would be answered promptly.

“Fucking, great,” Donna muttered. “Call 911, get put on hold.”

Donna wedged the cell phone between her ear and her shoulder and used her other hand to press the second towel to Amy’s other wound. In response, Amy coughed and choked painfully, her breathing now taking on a distinct rattle.

“Come on, pick up the God damn phone,” she pleaded angrily. The seconds seemed to last for hours.

“911, what is your emergency?” the operator answer finally answered.

Donna tried her best to keep her answers clear and succinct, which was no easy feat given the fact that it was all she could do not to simply start screaming into the phone for help.

“We need help...someone’s been shot,” Donna said. “We need the police and the paramedics right away.”

“What’s your name?” the operator asked calmly.

Donna’s fear flashed into anger. “I tell you someone’s been shot and you ask for my name?!”

The operator did not seem fazed by Donna’s anger. “Please ma’am I need your name.”

No matter how good it felt, Donna knew yelling at the operator wasn’t going to help so she tried to calm down. “My name is Donna Moss.”

“Were you the one shot?”

“No, it was Amy...Amy Gardner.”

“Okay, Donna, what’s your location?” the operator asked calmly.

Donna was getting impatient. “Please they need to come right away, I don’t know if he’s still around and I don’t how much longer...” She glanced down at Amy. Her lips were turning a decidedly blue color. “...they just have to hurry... please.”

“I’ll have them on their way, just as soon as you tell me where you are, Donna.”

“Please, help us...” Donna’s voice cracked slightly as her emotions got the better of her.

“Donna, you’re calling from a cell phone so your location doesn’t come up on my screen,” the operator tried to explain. “I need you to tell me where you are.”

Donna somehow managed to remember the address of Amy’s building and her office number and she promptly rattled it off. “Please...they need to come NOW.” Amy’s coughing was getting weaker and it sounded like she was struggling harder and harder to breathe.

“I’ve got them on the way, Donna. Now tell me exactly what happened.”

Once the operator told her that help was on the way, Donna was done with her and she let the phone drop. Cushioned by the thick carpet, it didn’t make any noise when it hit the floor. Donna could vaguely hear the operator still talking over the open cell phone, but she ignored it and focused her attention on keeping pressure on Amy’s wounds without restricting her ability to breath. What she didn’t realize was that both shots had gone completely through Amy’s body. So while Donna was pressing on the front, blood was still flowing freely from her back.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him from shooting you,” Donna said quietly.

“No, you...were right to hide...” Amy choked slightly and coughed again. “...glad you’re okay.”

Donna didn’t have a reply to that. What did you say to someone who was trying to give you absolution when they were probably on their death bed?

Amy grabbed onto the front of Donna’s white blouse and her sleeve with surprising strength. “I don’t...” she began, but broke off after another round of coughing.

“Don’t talk. Help’s coming,” Donna urged her. The first towel was already soaked with blood.

Amy ignored her. “I don’t...understand,” she gasped out. “James wouldn’t...not this...must be something...” She coughed and gagged a little more. “...something bigger...I don’t understand,” she repeated. 

“It’s okay, we’ll figure it out,” Donna said trying to soothe her. “Save your strength.”

“Have to get them...get documents,” Amy gasped out.

“No, you’re not going anywhere,” Donna told her. “Just rest. They’ll be here soon.”

“No,” Amy insisted brokenly. “Have to tell you...go to my apartment.” Her body shook painfully as she choked again and a renewed trail of blood dripped from her mouth. “Key over door...kitchen...freezer....two...frozen pizza boxes.” 

“Amy, that doesn’t matter right now,” Donna said.

She stared up at Donna. “Please...my dying wish...”

“You’re not going to die,” Donna lied. They both knew she was going to die, Donna was just the only one who wasn’t willing to say it.

“Liar...” Amy said simply. “Please...you have to...” Another fit of coughing. “...Get them for this...for me...” Her eyes bored into Donna. “Promise...”

“Amy...” Donna began.

“Please...” Amy begged.

Donna stared at her for a long moment. Something elemental, a life debt of sorts passed between them. There was no way Donna could deny her. “I promise.”

Amy gave a little nod. “Pizza boxes...give to...only trust Josh...” Like a fish too long out of water, Amy was gasping constantly now, almost as if each breath didn’t contain the oxygen she needed. “...it’s why...I wanted to...talk to him.” 

“Okay, I will,” Donna promised again. “Now you have to rest.”

“Cold...” Amy shivered then. “So cold...”

Donna had never felt more helpless in her life. She didn’t even have anything to cover-up Amy with. “I know, but help’s coming.” She knew she was repeating herself, but there was nothing else she could say. “Please Amy, you have to try and hang on.”

Amy’s breath was more a shallow, choking wheeze now and Donna tried not to think about the fact that it sounded like she was drowning in her own blood. She couldn’t afford to think about it now. If she did, she’d mostly likely pass out, start screaming, throw up, or any combination of the three.

Then the oddest thing happened.

Although Amy was still holding onto Donna tightly, her body began to relax. Almost like it had stopped struggling, but her eyes remained locked on Donna.

“Can’t believe...going to end this way...” Amy said with as much quiet anger as she could muster. Blood now coated her normally white teeth. 

Donna had no idea what to say. Amy only continued to stare at her and Donna could almost see the life ebbing from her eyes. 

“Get the bastard...” Her voice was barely above a whisper now as a last breath slid from her mouth. 

With that, her open eyes went blank, the death grip her hands had on Donna released, her hands dropped away, and her body went slack.

For the first couple of moments, Donna didn’t move. Her eyes seemed to be locked onto Amy’s open, now vacant ones hoping beyond hope that she would simply rail against the indignity of death to sit up and start calling for the head of the man who’d shot her.

“Amy?” Donna finally said as she continued to keep pressure on Amy’s wounds. Her hands were now covered with Amy’s blood.

Donna grabbed Amy shoulders and shook her hard, harder than she probably would have if she hadn’t been so desperate. “Amy! Don’t do this!” Tears were now streaming down her cheeks. “Josh will never forgive me if you die!”

Of course there was no response from Amy...no acknowledgement. 

Donna sat back on her heels. The horrible truth that Amy was dead and there was nothing more that she could do for her began to sink in. Without thinking, Donna buried her face in her bloody hands. The pain coursing through her spirit was too heavy to allow for more tears, but she could no longer look at the sight of Amy’s bloody form.

When a loud knock sounded at the office door, Donna had no concept of how long she’d been sitting there. Lifting her face, she also made no move to open it. What was the point? Amy was beyond help now and she was too overwhelmed to try and hide again if it was the gunman. Her brain was too tired to process the fact that if it had been the gunman he probably wouldn’t have bothered knocking.

Someone rattled the door knob and then pounded on the door again. “Police!! Open the door!!” the voice demanded.

Donna opened her mouth to say something or call out, but she couldn’t find her voice. It didn’t matter anyway because it was only a beat or two before the door was unceremoniously kicked in.

Two uniformed officers from the Arlington County P.D. rushed through the door with their guns drawn.

“Over here,” Donna finally managed weakly.

The two of them rounded the desk and saw Donna kneeling by Amy’s body and automatically raised their weapons. If Donna could have seen the scene from their point of view, she would have understood why.

Blood was everywhere: coating the wall behind and above her and Amy in drops, spatters and drips, soaking the white carpet beneath both of them, staining Donna’s hands and both of their clothes and, most dramatically of all, smeared in two large splotches across Donna’s face where she’d pressed it into her bloody hands.

“Don’t move!” the youngest of the two officers told her as he pointed his gun squarely at her. “Put your hands up.”

***********

“Seriously, Leo, if McPherson goes off the reservation we’re going to have no choice but to throw our support behind Sullivan,” Josh argued as he and Toby sat in Leo’s office.

“I know,” Leo conceded. “It just pisses me off that McPherson would do this now, a week before the vote, rather than a month ago when we approached him about it.”

Toby shook his head. “I just can’t believe that a democratic Senator, one the PRESIDENT helped campaign for is going to go against us on an education bill and a Republican is the guy on our side. I mean, what, can the four horsemen of the apocalypse be far behind?”

“I’m so sick of Senators from our own party blaming us for not getting anything done when they go against everything we try to support,“ Josh said just as his cell phone started ringing. 

He considered ignoring it, but thought it might be Donna. She’s promised to come back and give him a wrap-up of her meeting with Amy, but it was nearly 11 and she still wasn’t back. 

“I probably should get this,” Josh said pulling the phone out of his pocket. Leo waved him out into the hall, while he and Toby continued to lament Senator McPherson’s threatened defection on the upcoming education bill.

As he stepped out into the hall, Josh looked at the caller’s number and frowned when he saw it wasn’t Donna’s ID, but since he was already in the hall he answered it anyway. 

“Josh Lyman.”

“Mr. Lyman, this is Officer Allen from the Arlington County Police Department.”

Josh frowned. Why was someone from the Arlington County P.D. calling him? His heart leapt into triple time. Donna was in Arlington with Amy. Had something happened to her? His mind refused to entertain the possibility. 

“Yes, officer, how can I help you?” he said as calmly as he could.

“Mr. Lyman, your name was given to me by Miss Moss. She asked us to contact you.”

His rapidly beating heart dropped into his feet. So it did have to do with Donna. “What happened? Is she okay?”

There was a pronounced pause on the other end of the phone. “Do you think you could come out to Arlington, Mr. Lyman?”

“What happened!!!” he demanded with a yell. The office door was standing open and Leo and Toby stopped speaking when they heard Josh.

The officer, accustomed to dealing with distraught or upset people didn’t let Josh’s tone bother him. “I’m sorry, I can’t go into it over the phone,” he told Josh. “Can you come over here?”

Josh let out a breath, it was clear he wasn’t going to get any answers this way. “Yes. Where do I need to come? The police station?” 

‘Please don’t say the words “morgue” or “hospital”,’ Josh added silently.

“No, I need you to come to the offices of the Feminist Majority Foundation at 1600 Wilson Boulevard.”

“1600 Wilson Boulevard,” Josh repeated. “I can be there in about 15 minutes.”

“Fine,” Officer Allen replied.

“Is there a room or a suite number I need?” Josh asked.

“No, just speak to one of the officers out at the curb and they’ll direct you,” he replied.

The picture was clearing a little. Whatever had happened, it was apparently related in some way to Donna’s meeting with Amy. 

‘If anything has happened to Donna, I’ll never forgive myself,’ he thought.

“Can I talk to her? Talk to Donna?” Josh asked with just a note of pleading in his voice.

His question was met by another long pause. “No. She’s being interviewed right now.”

“Interviewed?” Josh said with a frown. “Interviewed for what?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Lyman, I can’t say over the phone. You’ll have to come down here.”

“I’ll be right there.” With that, he hung up and stood there looking at the phone for a moment.

“Josh?” Leo called from his office.

In a bit of a daze, Josh went back into Leo’s office. “Yeah?”

“What’s going on?”

He stared down at the phone again. “That was the Arlington County P.D.”

“What are they calling you for?” Toby asked.

“I sent Donna over to a meeting at the Feminist Majority Foundation in Arlington,” Josh tried to explain. “The police want me to come over there.”

“Why?” Leo put in.

Josh couldn’t seem to stop looking at the phone. It was like part of him thought if he stared at it long enough it would tell him the answers that he was desperate to know.

“I don’t know,” Josh answered. “Donna gave them my name and asked them to contact me.”

“Is she okay?” Toby asked.

“I don’t know...I think so. He...he said she was being interviewed and I couldn’t talk to her.”

‘Well, at least she wasn’t dead,’ Leo thought silently. He and Toby exchanged concerned looks. “Interviewed for what?” he asked Josh.

“Uh...he wouldn’t tell me,” Josh said as he began patting his pockets. “But I’ve got to get over there.” Donna needed him and he had to get to her.

“Why don’t you let Toby take you?” Leo suggested. He didn’t want Josh to be alone if something had happened to Donna.

“No...I...it’s okay, I’ll just drive...” Josh said distractedly as he looked a little more frantically for his keys. 

“What are you looking for?” Toby asked.

“My keys...” He let out a curse. “I forgot, Donna has them. She borrowed my car to go over there.” 

“It’s just as well,” Leo replied. “Now Toby has to take you.” 

Since he didn’t want to have to wait for a cab, Josh didn’t see any other choice but to agree. “Okay.”

“Let me know as soon as you find out something definite. I’ll need to keep CJ in the loop in case she gets any questions in the morning briefing about Donna and whatever’s happened.”

“Right,” Toby answered.

“Now the two of you get out of here and go take care of Donna,” Leo said gruffly as he officially booted them out of his office.

**********

Except for Josh giving Toby the address, they drove to Arlington in silence. 

A million scenarios went through Josh’s mind. It was really quite amazing just how inventive his imagination could be.

Donna had been mugged. Donna had been attacked...his brain couldn’t put the words ‘raped’ or ‘sexually assaulted’ in the same sentence with Donna’s name. Donna had fallen and hurt herself or been hit by a car. His car had been broken into, stolen or she’d damaged it in some way and was too scared to tell him herself. There had been a bomb threat at Amy’s office. Amy and Donna got into a fight since he’d sent Donna rather than coming to the meeting himself. 

If Amy had hurt Donna in any way, Josh swore he’d make her pay. 

And if Donna had been hurt because he’d sent her over to this stupid, fucking meeting, he’d never forgive himself.

It never occurred to him that his concern was all for Donna and not for Amy.

In the end, Josh didn’t need to worry about telling Toby the exact address of the building. Once they turned onto Wilson Boulevard, it wasn’t hard to see which building it was. The apparent army of flashing red and blue lights on the police cars gave it away easily.

Toby parked just down from the building and they walked the few hundred yards to where two officers stood. Josh paused suddenly about halfway there.

“What’s wrong?” Toby asked him.

“This is my car,” he said trying the handle. The door was locked and the car seemed to be in the same pristine shape that he’d left it in. Mentally he scratched off any of the scenarios his mind had generated that involved his car.

Toby wasn’t seeing the significance of finding the car. “Well, it would make sense that if Donna’s here and she borrowed your car then it would be here too.”

Josh looked at the car a moment longer. “Yeah, I know,” he agreed softly then started walking again.

They spoke to one of the officers standing out front and he led them into the lobby of the building.

Josh’s heart dropped and his panic level increased when they walked through the lobby and saw two crime scene technicians standing behind the wide lobby desk photographing and cataloging what looked to be the body of a dead security guard.

‘What the hell went on here tonight?!?’ Josh wondered as he exchanged a confused and worried glance with Toby. What little bit of comfort he’d gotten from finding his car had just evaporated. If someone didn’t produce Donna in the next few minutes he was going to go ballistic.

The officer led them through the building, past the bank of elevators to where another officer stood talking to two people, a man and a woman, in plain clothes. 

“Mr. Lyman?” the officer asked as they approached.

“Yes, I’m Mr. Lyman,” Josh answered. “This is my associate, Mr. Ziegler.”

“I’m Officer Allen, we spoke on the phone,” he replied. “This is Detective Gates and Detective Edgar.” They all nodded to one another.

“Where’s Donna?” Josh asked.

“We’ve got her in a conference room around the corner,” Officer Allen replied.

“What happened here tonight?”

The officer and the two detectives exchanged unreadable glances. “I think you’d better talk to Miss Moss first. She asked us to let her be the one to tell you what happened, so if you’ll just follow me, I’ll take you to her.”

Officer Allen led him and Toby down a short hall to a set of double wooden doors. He moved to open one of the doors then stopped and turned back to Josh and Toby. “Um, I don’t know either of you or what your relationship is to Miss Moss,” he said in a soft, low voice. “But when you get in there, take it easy on her. Keep in mind she’s had a rough night.”

Josh and Toby frowned at him. “What do you mean?” Josh demanded in a harsh whisper. He was getting pretty tired of everyone talking in riddles where Donna was concerned.

“I think you’ll see what I mean when you get in there. Look, I’ve been in law enforcement for a long time and I can tell when someone is trying to hold it together and when they’re ready to crack. She’s right on the edge right now, so try not to push her too hard.”

“Okay.” Since Josh didn’t know exactly what the root problem was he couldn’t say more than that.

With a nod, Officer Allen opened the conference room door. Donna was sitting alone in the room facing the door. Well, her body was facing the door. Her head was bowed and her shoulders were slumped tiredly. She didn’t even look up at the sound of the door opening. In fact she didn’t respond at all until Officer Allen spoke to her.

“Donna, your friends are here,” he said gently. His words seem to stir her to action and she looked up. With visible effort, she sat up a little straighter. 

Seeing her was like a punch to the gut for Josh. He was relieved that she didn’t seem to be hurt, but he could still tell that something was very wrong. She was wrapped in one of those yellow plastic emergency blankets that all emergency personnel carried with them, but it was so big on her that she looked like she was all but swimming in it. 

The look in her eyes was what tore at his heart the most. She looked so much like a lost child he wanted nothing more than to gather her in his arms and carry her away from here. Her face was dirty and her eyes were glazed and a little unfocused and when she saw him, the relief that came over her was palpable.

Donna locked her eyes on Josh. She felt like she was drowning and he was her life line. As long as she could see him, she’d be okay. She just prayed that once he heard what she had to say, he wouldn’t leave her to face what had happened all alone.

Josh went immediately around the table to where she was sitting. “Donna?” he asked. “You okay?”

“Officer, could you give us a few minutes alone, please?” she requested quietly as her eyes never left Josh.

“Of course,” he said starting for the door. “The detectives and I will be back in just a bit.”

Toby included himself in the ‘us’ Donna had mentioned and stayed in the room as well. Letting Josh take point, he just leaned against the wall and waited to see what unfolded. It was clear to see that something was going on, and although he was pretty sure Josh didn’t realize it, Toby suspected it had something to do with one Amy Gardner.

Donna waited to speak until after Officer Allen closed the door. “Josh, could you please sit down?” 

He thought even her voice sounded strained, almost like it was painful for her to speak. Now more worried about her than before, he sat down in the chair next to her. “Donna? What’s going on?” he asked gently.

She stared at Josh, suddenly at a loss for words. She had so much to say and now felt completely unable to say it .

“Donna, what happened tonight?” Josh prompted quietly as he gently laid his hand on her shoulder. He was shocked to see her flinch.

Normally Donna would have been horrified at her reaction, but she’d been through so much that night that she wasn’t feeling much of anything at that point. A mumbled, ‘sorry’ was all she could manage.

Wordlessly, he removed his hand. “Donna, you’re scaring the crap out of me. The police said you wanted to be the one to tell me something. What is it?” When she still looked unsure he tried again. “Come on, you know you can tell me anything,” he coaxed.

‘Oh, God, why did I say I wanted to do this?’ she asked herself. 

“Josh, um, something happened tonight...” Donna swallowed. “It happened after my meeting with Amy. We...I...”

Donna sat there, barely breathing. The moment of truth. She didn’t know how else to tell him, but just to say it. It was pretty hard to sugar coat what had happened to Amy.

“Um, Josh...Amy’s dead.”

“What?” Josh said, stunned. All this time he’d been focused on Donna and hadn’t given Amy so much as a passing thought. “What are you talking about?”

“Amy was shot and...and killed...in her office,” Donna said. 

“Shot...?” Josh said. Someone was shooting a gun near Donna? “By who?”

“It was a blonde man, but I didn’t recognize him,” she told him. “I don’t think Amy knew him either.”

“Can you tell me what happened?” Josh asked her gently.

Donna wanted to feel some tangible connection with him. Something to keep her grounded. Needing it more than she needed the blanket, she released her death grip on the blanket and reached out for his hand which was laying on the table.

As she stretched out her arm and the blanket slid part way down, Josh could see that her hands and her blouse were covered with what appeared to be copious amounts of dried blood and he realized that what he’d thought was ‘dirt’ on her face was also dried blood. Even the idea that any of it could be hers made his stomach roll dangerously. 

“My God, Donna,” he said before he could stop himself. “You’ve got blood all over you. Are you okay?”

Donna felt part of her soul try to curl back into itself and instinctively she started to pull her hand back so she could gather the blanket protectively around her again.

Josh could feel her pulling away from him and he wasn’t going to let her. Not caring about the blood on her hand, he reached out and caught her hand in his. 

“They wouldn’t let me...wash,” she said apologetically with a broken tremor in her voice.

“Why not?”

She only blinked at him. “Apparently I’m evidence.”

His heart ached for her. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he repeated gently as he gave her hand a squeeze.

After what had happened that night, Donna didn’t think she’d ever feel okay again, but the feeling of him holding her hand was a step in the right direction. “Yes, Josh, I’m okay,” she told him. “It’s not my blood.”

He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand, in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. “Can you talk about it?”

She tried to gather the strength to talk about it from him. “I was in the bathroom off of her office when it happened...” Donna shivered slightly and Josh reached out with his free hand to pull the blanket up around her shoulders again.

“Someone, the blonde man, came in the office...I heard them arguing, he was looking for something.” Donna swallowed. “I saw her get shot, Josh,” Donna said tightly. “And I was there when she died.” 

But before he could think what to say to that, a knock sounded at the door and Officer Allen, the two detectives and the two crime scene technicians they’d seen photographing the security guard, stepped into the room.

“Miss Moss, do you have some clothes you can change into?” one of the technicians asked.

“No, I don’t have anything,” Donna answered listlessly.

“Why does she need clothes?” Toby asked.

“We’ll, need to take her clothes into evidence,” Detective Gates explained.

Josh couldn’t believe they would put Donna through that after everything she’d apparently been through that night. “Can’t she just change at home and then bring you back the clothes?” 

“No, I’m sorry, once she leaves the premises the evidence could be contaminated,” Detective Edgar replied.

As Josh watched, Donna’s shoulders slumped again. “It’s all right, Josh, they told me to expect this, I just don’t know what I’m going to wear out of here.”

Josh wanted to argue, wanted to simply grab Donna and take her away from this, but he could definitely see what Officer Allen had talked about earlier. Donna was clearly hanging on by her fingernails. He had a feeling that getting into an argument was going to hurt her more than it would help her. He let out a breath.

“I have my gym clothes in the car. It’s just sweats and my cross trainers, but you’re welcome to them,” he told her. “I’m not sure they’re clean though.”

“They’re clean,” Donna commented. “I changed them out last week in case you had to go to the gym to meet Taggert.” 

Congressman Jeff Taggert was as bad as John Hoynes had been for asking to arrange meetings during physical activities. “Well, that meeting never materialized so the clothes should be clean.”

“Well, Mr. Lyman, if you could go out and get those, the technician can start processing Miss Moss,” Detective Gates said.

“The car is locked, so I’ll need my keys,” Josh told them. 

“They’re in my purse,” Donna said quietly. “I left it in...the bathroom...upstairs.”

“I’ll have the keys and your wallet brought down,” Officer Allen said before speaking into a radio.

“We’re set up for you in the bathroom down the hall, Miss Moss,” the female technician said. 

Donna looked too tired to even stand up, so Josh got up and helped her to her feet. As she did the blanket slid to the floor and he and Toby saw the full scope of the blood covering her. Both of them remained carefully silent on the subject.

He gave her hand a squeeze before releasing it. “Toby and I will be right here when you’re done.”

She nodded and followed the technician out of the room.

After they’d brought down Donna’s things, Josh retrieved the gym bag from the car and returned to the conference room where he passed it on to one of the technicians to give to Donna. Then he and Toby settled in to talk to the two detectives and Officer Allen while they waited for the technicians to process Donna.

“Donna said there was an armed intruder that shot Amy Gardner,” Toby told them. “Is there anything else you can tell us?”

“Well...” Detective Gates began. “We have an armed intruder on tape as he entered the building shortly after 9 pm. First he shot the guard on duty and then we believe he went upstairs, entered Miss Gardner’s office and shot her while Miss Moss hid in the adjoining bathroom. Miss Gardner died soon after from two gunshot wounds to the chest.” 

“Surely you don’t suspect Donna had anything to do with it?” Toby said.

“No,” Detective Gates replied. “Although the first officers on scene temporarily thought she might be involved, we quickly ruled that out. As I said, we have a tape of the man we believe to be the shooter. Plus we gave her a GSR test and it was negative.”

“A GSR test?” Toby asked.

“Gun shot residue,” Officer Allen explained. “When a gun is fired, a certain amount of gunpowder is expelled, usually back toward the shooter or anyone standing within a few feet of the gun. Generally we see concentrations on the shooters hands, arms and chest. We do a wipe test in the field to check for the presence of the residue and with Miss Moss the test came back negative.”

“Is that why you wouldn’t let her wash her hands?” Toby asked a little angry that they’d made her sit around with Amy’s blood on her hands.

Detective Gates nodded. “Yes. Although the gunshot residue can be a little tough to wash off completely, we wanted to get as accurate a sample as possible. The technician will let her wash after they finish processing her.”

“If the test was negative and you don’t consider her a suspect, why do you need her clothes?” Josh asked.

“She knelt down beside Miss Gardner for a long period of time. We need to check and see if her clothes picked up any fibers or trace evidence from the floor or Miss Gardner that may have come from the gunman.”

“Do you have any motive for the shooting?” Josh asked.

“Well, not exactly,” Officer Allen replied. “He was apparently looking for something, something that Miss Gardner either didn’t have or wasn’t willing to give up.”

“Do you know anything more specific about what he was looking for?” Toby asked.

“No. Miss Moss just said she heard him ask Miss Gardner where the documents were.”

Just then, the door opened and Donna came back in wearing Josh’s gym clothes. They were big on her so once again she looked a little like a lost child wearing an adult’s clothes. Josh was glad to see that they’d finally let her wash her face and hands, or at least wash them as good as she could in the bathroom sink. 

Josh thought she looked exhausted. Automatically slipping off his suit jacket, Josh held it out for her and she silently slipped into it.

“Officer Allen...detectives, can Donna leave now?” Josh asked.

“Yes, I think we’re done. Miss Moss, we’ll contact you if we have any further questions,” Officer Allen replied.

Donna nodded mutely and the officer led the three of them out of the building through a side door so Donna wouldn’t have to walk through the lobby and see the security guard. After saying their goodbyes to Toby, who promised to go back to the White House and fill Leo in on the situation, Josh loaded Donna in his car, started the engine and they headed out.

They rode in silence for a while. Donna sat slumped in the front seat starting blankly out the passenger window, while Josh split his time between watching the road and glancing at her worriedly. It seemed unnatural to see her so quiet and withdrawn.

“Donna? You okay over there?” he finally asked.

“Yeah,” she replied as she continued to look out the window.

“It’s just that you seem so quiet,” he said. “Do you want to talk about it...or about anything else?”

“No,” she said listlessly. “I just...I’m tired.”

“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” Josh said gently. “Why don’t you stay at my place tonight? With everything that’s happened, I don’t think you should be alone right now. I’ll make up the couch for you.” He smiled. “I promise I won’t even try to put any of my famous moves on you.”

To his complete surprise, not only did she not jump at the HUGE opening he’d given her to make fun of him and his ‘moves,’ but she didn’t even attempt to argue with him about staying the night at his apartment. “Okay,” she said meekly.

All conversation ground to a halt after that. That is, until they crossed back into D.C. Then it was Donna who broke it the silence.

“Josh?”

“Yeah?” he asked, a little surprised that she’d spoken to him without any coaxing. 

“I need to do something before we go back to your brownstone.”

“What?” he asked, figuring she’d want to stop by her own apartment and get some fresh clothes or some toiletries.

“I have to go to Amy’s apartment.”


	3. Chances

Chapter 3

He stopped at a red light and just stared at her for a moment. She was still staring out the window. “Donna, you know we can’t go over there. If they haven’t already, you know the police are going to want to search her apartment or at least secure it as part of the investigation. Not to mention the fact the gunman may have thought about going there too.”

“I promised, Amy,” she said continuing to look out the window.

The light had turned green, but he didn’t care. Luckily, there was no one behind him to care either.

“What did you promise, Amy?” She was silent for a bit and he wondered if she was going to answer. 

“That I would get the documents she has hidden in her apartment,” she said tonelessly.

“You know where they are?!” he said, blinking in surprise. “But the police said...”

“I didn’t tell the police I knew.”

More blinking on his part. “Why not?”

“Because I promised.”

Just then someone did stop behind them and they did honk. Josh considered ignoring them, but then he saw an empty parking space up ahead, he drove through the intersection and he pulled into it.

Switching off the car Josh turned to her. “Donna look at me.” 

She did so, but it appeared to be a great effort for her. “Yes?”

“Why would Amy make you promise not to tell the police about the documents?”

“She didn’t.”

Josh rubbed his hand over his face in frustration. Normally it was hard to get her to STOP talking, so dealing with tired and traumatized Donna was a bit of a mystery to him. He tried to remember that she’d been through a lot and he should be patient. 

“Then why didn’t you tell them?” he said as calmly as he could.

“Because she said I should give them to you,” she answered. “Only to you and not to trust anyone else.”

“And you see the police as the ‘anyone else’?”

“Yes,” she replied simply. “If I told them about the documents it would be the same as giving the documents to them.”

There was some logic to what she was saying, it was a little twisted, but it was there. “Is there anything else you didn’t tell the police?”

She shrugged, “Just most of what she said after I came out of the bathroom.”

“Didn’t they ask you about that?”

“Yes, I just told them that she was incoherent...” Her voice trailed off as she frowned. “I just realized something,” she said quietly.

“What?” Josh asked almost afraid to find out.

“I dropped the cell phone on the floor. Depending on how good the reception was it’s possible that the 911 operator heard and recorded the rest of our conversation.”

Josh leaned his forehead against the steering wheel. “Great,” he muttered. The cops were going to be very unhappy when they found out she’d withheld some things that could be key to their investigation. “Okay, look,” he said lifting his head to look at her again. “We’ll tell them that after everything you’ve been through you just forgot.”

“Fine, we’ll tell them that...” she said matter-of-factly.

Josh felt a bit of relief go through him. “Good.”

“...if they bring it up first,” she finished.

“No, Donna that’s really not a good idea. The police sort of frown on you leaving out stuff until they call you on it.”

“There’s no guarantee that the operator heard it,” she pointed out. “Besides, there was nothing incriminating in our conversation, except that it might prove that I withheld information about the documents.”

“So it would just be interfering with an investigation, yeah, cause that would only get you a couple years in Danbury minimum security prison.”

Donna was tired of arguing with him about it and simply looked at him for a long moment. “Are you going to take me to Amy’s apartment or not?”

“Why? So they can add tampering with evidence, trespassing, and breaking and entering to the interring with a police investigation?”

“Are you going to take me to Amy’s not?” she repeated.

“No, I’m not,” he said firmly. It was time to get her to knock off this crazy idea.

Without a word, Donna opened the car door and started to climb out. 

“What the hell are you doing?” he said, grabbing her arm and tugging her back down into the seat. 

“I’m going to Amy’s,” she told him with that same mechanical edge in her voice. “Now let go of me.”

“And just how are you going to get there?”

“I’ll take a cab.”

“What, you’re going to flag down a cab wearing my sweats, suit jacket and sneakers? What cab driver is going to pick you up?” he said, trying to talk some sense into her. “Besides, it’s almost midnight and it’s not safe for you to be out here by yourself.”

“I’ll be fine. If you’re not going to help me, I’ll find another way,” she said with an oddly steely resolve. “I’ll walk if I have to.”

“Do you even know where Amy lives?” he asked.

“Yes, Josh, I know where Amy lives. Don’t you remember all the times you made me send her flowers when you two had a fight?” Although part of her meant it as a jab at him, she was really just stating a fact.

Josh let out a breath. He could see she was determined. “Why are you doing this, Donna?”

She was quiet for a moment. “I have to, Josh.”

“Why?” he persisted. “Just tell me why?”

“Because I promised her, Josh. She was dying and...” her voice caught a little and although her eyes were dry, Josh thought he heard just the hint of tears in her voice when she continued. “...and she made me promise to get the documents and give them to you and get the bastard that killed her and bring him to justice.” She looked away and spoke very quietly. “You weren’t there Josh. You didn’t see what he did to her.”

His hand slid down from her arm to take her hand in his. “But isn’t helping the police by telling them everything you know a way to fulfill that promise?” he asked gently.

“Normally, I would say yes, but...” her voice trailed off.

“But what?”

She looked at him again. “Amy was really surprised this happened. She thought that it might be something bigger than she realized. The documents the blonde man was looking for concerned someone I think Amy was having a relationship with.”

Now she’d piqued his curiosity. “Do you know who it was? Did she tell you?”

“A congressman.”

“A congressman!!” Josh exclaimed in disbelief. If a congressman was involved it could be bad on SO many levels. “Wait, you mean Tandy?”

Donna slowly shook her head. “No, Tandy’s first name is John. The one she was talking about tonight she called James.” 

Thinking quickly, Josh stared out the front window trying to remember all the members of Congress off the top of his head. “I can think of about 16 congressmen that use ‘James’ as a first or last name. If I follow the premise that Amy thought dating Republicans was tantamount to blasphemy and take them out, that cuts it down to about 10.”

“I was hoping that the documents would list him by name,” Donna put in.

“Yeah...I guess they might at that.” Josh stared at her for a long moment. “Did you tell the police that a congressman might be involved?”

“Yes, I did. I figured they could start working on which congressman it was too,” she commented. “That way if the documents don’t specify who it is then we’ll have a backup.”

Again with the twisted logic. “I guess you have a point there.”

“Please, Josh,” she begged. “You have to help me.”

With a sigh, he rested his head against the steering wheel again. “I can’t believe I’m thinking about helping you do this,” he told her. “If we get caught CJ’s going to string me up in the bullpen and use me for a piñata. Of course that’s only if the cops don’t get to me first.” He paused. “Although between the two, I think I’d rather be fed to the cops than to CJ.”

“Then you’ll do it? You’ll help me?” Donna asked hopefully as she pulled the car door closed.

He sat back and started the car. “Yeah, I’ll help you.”

“Thanks, Josh.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” he said pulling out and away from the curb. “Thank me after we do it without getting caught.”

**********

Josh glanced up and down the street. Everything was quiet that April night in Georgetown and he didn’t see any obvious signs of the police or the phantom-like gunman. Of course, that did nothing to make the hairs on the back of his neck stop standing at attention. 

As they got out of the car and walked to Amy’s building, he kept looking around nervously, sure that the gunman or the police were behind every bush and parked car. Feeling especially paranoid since they were about to break the law, he also took the time to scan the front of her building for any kind of security cameras. He relaxed a bit when he didn’t see any. Of course, that could just mean that they were hidden, in which case they were screwed, but he decided to just hope for the best. If he couldn’t see the cameras there wasn’t much he could do about them anyway. He was also glad to see that, given the late hour, most of the windows in the building were dark. Hopefully that would keep the nosy neighbors to a minimum.

“I still can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” he whispered harshly as they walked up the front steps to the door. 

“I said you could wait in the car,” she whispered back.

“Yeah, ‘cause that’s going to happen,” he replied. “Okay, Nancy Drew, when you cooked up this plan did you also think of a way for us to get inside the building?”

“I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” Donna admitted.

“Yeah, I had a feeling,” he replied.

“Don’t you remember the code from when you were dating her?”

“Donna, contrary to what you might think, I’ve tried to block out most things about dating Amy, including the access code to get into her apartment building. Plus, what if she changed it?”

“One thing at a time. Could you at least try and remember it?” 

“Even if I do remember it, what good will it do? Even if I get us into the building I don’t have the key to her apartment anymore,” he pointed out.

“She told me where an extra key is.”

Well, she just had an answer for everything. “She did?” 

Donna nodded. “So if you could remember the code it would help speed things up.”

Josh sighed. He knew when he was licked. Reaching into his pants pocket, he tugged out a pair of leather gloves and pulled them on. It would not be good for the police to find his fingerprints anywhere. He’d given Donna his handkerchief for the same reason.

“Let’s see...” he said, walking over to the key pad. “...I think it was a 6 digit code.” He pressed in a code and waited. The little red light at the top of the key pad stayed lit and the door stayed locked. 

“Hurry up,” Donna urged. “If we stand out here much longer we won’t have to wait for the police show up because someone is going to call them.”

“Rushing me is not the way to get me to remember,” Josh told her. He half expected her to make some crack, but she just stared at him. He turned back to the keypad and tried again. The light stayed red. “Maybe it was her birthday...when was it?” he muttered trying again. Still no luck.

“You didn’t enter her birthday,” Donna told him. “You got the day and year wrong.”

“How do you know?” he asked.

“Because when you were going out, I was the one who used to mark it in big red letters on your calendar.”

“Oh...right,” he replied. “So when is her birthday?”

Donna sighed. “092264.”

He punched in the code. The red light went off, the green one came on and the door lock released with a buzz. “Show off,” he muttered as she used his handkerchief to pull open the door and they went inside.

Josh continued looking around nervously as they climbed the stairs to the second floor and walked down the hall to Amy’s apartment. He kept imagining eyes staring out at them from the various peep holes. Eyes that would be more than happy to give the police a perfect description of him and Donna. 

When they finally arrived at Amy’s apartment, his imagination went off in a whole new direction when he saw the door was already standing partially open

“Well, I guess we don’t need a key after all,” Donna observed.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Josh commented.

Donna, in her single mindedness, didn’t say anything but started to push the door open. Josh startled her by grabbing her arm to stop her. “Wait,” he said.

“What’s wrong?” she whispered.

“What if the gunman opened the door and is still there?” he whispered back.

“I’m sure he’s long gone,” she argued.

“What if you’re wrong?”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it,” she whispered.

“No, WE’LL cross that bridge when WE come to it,” he shot back with a harsh whisper.

“Fine,” she replied. “Now let’s get this over with and get out of here.”

Again, using the handkerchief, she pushed open the door, which opened smoothly and without so much as a creak. They both blinked in surprise at the sight that greeted them.

To say the place was a mess was being generous. Every light was on and things were a complete jumble. Someone had definitely been looking for something and they hadn’t been neat about it. Chairs were turned over, drawers pulled out, knickknacks smashed, cushions slashed, and pictures pulled from the walls. The only good thing was that now, the place seemed to be quiet and deserted.

“Someone sure did a number on her apartment,” Josh commented. “Okay, let’s get the show on the road. Where did she say she hid the stuff?”

“In two boxes of frozen pizza,” Donna replied.

Deciding that it was best if they got in and got out as fast as possible, Josh closed the front door to keep anyone from looking in and seeing them and the two of them moved quickly toward the kitchen. They hadn’t gotten very far before they made a disturbing discovery. Henry, Amy’s basset hound, lay on the hardwood floor at the edge of the living room in a small pool of blood, obviously dead from what looked like a gunshot wound to the head.

Josh looked down at him sadly. “When the gunman came in Henry must have come out of the bedroom to see who it was. He wasn’t vicious, but when he saw it wasn’t Amy or someone else he knew, he would have barked like the devil himself was coming in the door.” Josh sighed. “I’m sure the gunman wouldn’t have thought twice about killing him.” Silently, he stood there for a moment longer, then turned and walked into the kitchen.

Trying to disturb the scene as little as possible, Josh stepped carefully over broken dishes on the kitchen floor and dodged open cabinets that had obviously been quickly, but thoroughly gone through as he made his way to the fridge, which appeared to undisturbed. Still wearing his gloves, he pulled open the freezer compartment and frowned when he saw there were four pizza boxes, not two. But, he figured, it shouldn’t be too tough to figure out which two. The two with the stuff should feel different than the two containing the pizza.

“Amy said there were just two boxes, right?” he asked as he reached for the top box. “I mean, ‘cause while we’re breaking the law, let’s go ahead and get everything we need the first time,” he said, only half joking as he pulled out the first box.

Hearing no response from Donna, he looked up and frowned at what he saw. Donna was standing right where he’d left her, still staring down at Henry, apparently rooted to the spot. She wasn’t crying, in fact her face seemed devoid of emotion altogether. It reminded him of the way she looked when he’d found her sitting in the conference room.

“Donna?” he said softly taking a step toward her.

Just then he heard what sounded like a number of car doors slam outside. Turning around he moved closer to the window and carefully, so hopefully whoever they were wouldn’t see him from the street, he took a peek out the window. His heart started beating double time.

“Oh, shit. It’s the police,” he told her. “Donna, we have to go...now.” She still didn’t give any indication that she’d heard him and he realized that he was on his own if they were going to get out of there without getting caught.

Grabbing the other three pizza boxes out of the freezer, he closed the door and dodged his way back over the bulk of the broken dishes littering the kitchen floor and returned to Donna’s side.

“Come on, Donna, we have to get out of here,” he said urgently, but with as much gentleness as he could muster.

Donna only continued to stare, so as he held onto the frozen pizzas, he grabbed her arm with his free hand and pulled her out into the hallway. To his surprise, she didn’t fight him, but followed his lead like a docile child.

Thinking fast, Josh realized they couldn’t go down the main stairs and Amy’s building wasn’t tall enough to need a fire escape so that was out and besides, going down a fire escape wasn’t the quietest thing. 

Then in a flash, he remembered that there was a back set of steps that led down to the alley on the backside of Amy’s building. If they could make it down the hall to the back stairs without being seen, and the police hadn’t thought to send anyone up those back stairs, he and Donna might just be able to get out of this mess. 

With a plan in mind, he held onto Donna’s arm and they made a break for the back stairs. They ducked through the back stairwell door just as the police were reaching the second floor landing of the main stairwell.

Working on adrenaline, Josh grabbed Donna around the waist and practically hauled her down the two flights of stairs. With both his hands full, it was a miracle they both didn’t take a tumble. Then there was the fact that any minute he expected to see a police officer coming up the back stairs as they were coming down.

Fortunately, luck seemed to be shining on them because they didn’t see a soul. Standing at the foot of the stairs, Josh took a breath and held it as he carefully cracked open the door leading into the alley. He was pleasantly surprised to see it was deserted. Tightening his grip on Donna’s waist and the pizza boxes, he pulled both of them close and they headed outside. Except for the occasional cat and wino they didn’t see anyone in the alley and they got back out to the main street much quicker than Josh would have expected.

Once they did, it was a simple matter of walking casually up the sidewalk to the car. He was now thankful that the only space that had been opened for them to park in was a block down and facing away from Amy’s building. They’d be able to get in and simply drive away.

Not taking the chance that his little scenario would be ruined by some unseen force or happening, he loaded Donna into the car as quickly as possible, tossed the pizza boxes in the back seat and climbed behind the wheel. Starting the engine and pulling slowly away from the curb so as not to attract attention, he finally remembered to start breathing normally again two blocks later.

With Donna sitting still and silent beside him, Josh drove to his apartment. He made sure he didn’t go over the speed limit or break any traffic laws, as he figured now would be the worst time to get pulled over for speeding or any other moving violation.

Although it seemed to take forever, especially with him looking in the review mirror every few seconds to see if anyone was following them, it really only took a few minutes to get there and find a place to park.

“Donna?” he said gently as he turned off the engine. “We’re here.” She only continued to sit quietly in the front seat. She was looking out the front window, but he suspected that she wasn’t really seeing much of anything. 

Reaching out to touch her arm, Josh grimaced and pulled his hand back suddenly when Donna visibly flinched just like she had when he’d tried to touch her in the conference room.

Like someone coming out of a trance, Donna blinked at him, her eyes blank and a little confused. “Josh?”

“Yeah,” he said gently, hoping that she would bring herself back from wherever she was.

Slowly she looked around. “Where are we?” she asked, not even quite recognizing his neighborhood.

“Across the street from my building,” he said. “Don’t you recognize it?”

She took a second look. “Oh, right.” 

Afraid to try and touch her again, Josh only watched her for a moment. Her eyes still looked a little too dazed to him. “Donna, you okay?”

“Yeah, I just...I guess I’m a little tired,” she replied, then frowned like she was trying to figure something out. “Weren’t we just at Amy’s?”

A flash of worry went through him. “Don’t you remember?”

She blinked at him again as she tried to remember. “I...I remember...we were standing in the doorway of Amy’s apartment and...and...” She gave a little gasp and closing her eyes she lowered her head. “Henry...” she whispered. 

Josh didn’t see any tears coming from beneath her closed lashes, but there was a distinct tremble in her voice. Although he didn’t want to upset her more, he felt like he needed to touch her, to provide some source of comfort. Carefully and very gently he covered her hand with his. Rather than it startling her, her eyes opened and she stared at him. The well of pain he saw there made him ache for her all over again. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry you had to see that,” he said softly.

She only stared at him and he watched as a veil seemed to close down over her eyes until they were placid again. 

“You ready to go inside?” he prompted gently. 

Donna only nodded and started to reach for the door. “Wait,” she said almost like someone waking from a sleep. “What about the things...the boxes?”

He gave her hand a squeeze. “It’s okay, they’re in the back seat.”

She frowned. “What? How?”

He looked at her, trying to decide how much detail to give her. “Well, let’s just say, the police showed up, so I grabbed you and the boxes and we beat it out of there.”

“The police?” Her frown deepened. “I don’t...it’s kind of a blur,” she said rubbing her temple slightly. “I guess I wasn’t much help.” 

“That’s okay, no problem. You’ve had a rough night.” She didn’t say anything, only continued to rub her temple. “You got a headache?” he asked gently.

She gave him a tired little smile. “Yeah.”

“Well, I’m sure I’ve got some aspirin upstairs,” he told her as he gave her hand a squeeze. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”

Letting go of her hand, he climbed out, came around to her door and helped her out. She got to her feet a little shakily so he leaned her up against the car while he got the pizza boxes out of the backseat. Automatically, almost naturally, he slid his free arm around her waist and they walked up the stairs into his building.

“You want a shower or anything?” he asked as they entered his apartment and he closed and locked the door behind them.

“Yeah,” she said tiredly. “But I’m going to need something to wear.”

Josh looked down at the pizza boxes in his hands. He itched to look inside them and see what Amy had apparently died for, but he wanted to get Donna settled first. So, walking into the kitchen, he set them down on the counter and then came back and took her hand.

“I’m sure we can find something for you to wear,” he said with a little smile as he pulled her into the bedroom.

Walking over to his dresser, he opened the bottom drawer and gave her a smile as he stood back out of the way.

Donna blinked at the contents of the drawer and knelt down to take a closer look. She’d made up the drawer for herself when she’d stayed with him after Rosslyn and had just never thought to clean it out again. It was mostly made up of casual, rather than work clothes. A pair of jeans, a pair of flannel pajama bottoms, a couple pairs of underwear, boxers she’d swiped from him, two tank tops, three t-shirts, two of which were also Josh’s, socks, and a Harvard sweatshirt that had shrunk too small for Josh but fit her perfectly.

After a moment, she looked up at him with eyes that were dry but brimming with emotion again. “You kept my things? Even after all this time?” she whispered. 

He swallowed as a wave of unexpected emotion went through him. “Well, they were your things...I guess it just didn’t feel right for me to disturb them.” He let out a breath. “There’s a box of your stuff under the bathroom sink too.”

The two of them stared silently at each other for a long moment, both at a loss for words. Donna was the first one to look away as she reached into the drawer to get something to wear. Except for the pajama bottoms and a pair of socks, everything she picked had been Josh’s at one time.

“You know, I was thinking. Why don’t you take the bed and I’ll sleep on the couch?” Josh offered as she carefully closed the drawer and stood up. “After the night you’ve had, you need a good night’s sleep.”

“No,” she replied quietly. “The couch is fine, really.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes,” she said with a nod.

Part of him wanted to insist, but he was a little afraid of arguing with her or pushing her too hard given all she’d been through. “Okay then, I’ll make up the couch while you take a shower.” ‘And take a look at what’s in those boxes,’ he added silently.

They were both quiet again and Josh sensed she was waiting for him to do something. Whether it was leave or say something else, he didn’t know. Since he didn’t know what else to say, he decided to give her a little space.

“Well, I’ll be out in the living room. You want some tea or something? I can put some hot water on to boil.”

“That would be nice,” she replied.

“’kay.” With a nod he walked out of the bedroom. He felt Donna’s eyes on his back for a moment and then heard the bathroom door close softly.

While she was in the bathroom, he quickly tossed a blanket and a pillow on the couch for himself. He figured that Donna was exhausted enough that he could eventually coax her into sleeping in his room rather than the couch. Then he headed into the kitchen.

After setting the tea kettle on the stove to boil, Josh reached for the first pizza box. Part of him wanted to wait for Donna before looking inside, but after the all trouble he’d had getting it, and by trouble he meant breaking any number of laws and evading the police, his curiosity was just about killing him. 

Shaking the box in his hands, he thought it felt and sounded just like a normal frozen pizza box and it seemed to be properly sealed so he went onto the next one. Immediately he sensed the second one was different. It was slightly heavier and when he shook it, the contents seemed to thump loosely around inside it. He also saw that one end, the end that he was pretty sure had been facing the back of the freezer, was sealed, but still looked different than the first.

Now that he knew what to look for he made quick work of finding the other ‘fake’ box and he set them aside while he stuffed the real pizza boxes in the freezer. No use letting perfectly good frozen pizza go to waste. Idly, he wondered if stolen pizza would taste any better or worse than regular pizza.

Picking up the first of the two false boxes, Josh ran his thumb nail under the end flap on the box and discovered that the box was actually held shut by small dots of Velcro that were attached to the inner and outer flaps. He supposed that was so the box could be opened and closed over and over again, while still looking, at least under a casual or cursory glance, like a sealed frozen pizza box. He had to give Amy points for ingenuity there.

Carefully pulling the entire flap back, he looked inside. All he could really see was plastic of some sort, so he gently dumped the contents out on the counter.

Just then Josh heard the shower turn off and he glanced at his watch with a frown. It had only been 10 minutes and that seemed surprisingly short to him. He figured she’d want to stand under the water for hours to wash off the night. For a moment, he considered going in to check on her, but he heard her moving around so he figured she must be all right.

Trying to make heads or tails of what he was seeing, he studied all the items that had emerged from the box. Some of the things he recognized, but others seemed oddly out of place. He felt a little like he was looking at a giant jigsaw puzzle. 

Reaching for one of the more prominent items, Josh looked at it more closely and a name jumped out at him. He blinked a little in surprise. If the “James” he was seeing on the documents was the same “James” that Donna had heard Amy talking about, this could be big, very big...and very bad.

His thoughts were interrupted as the tea kettle started to whistle. Setting the item back down on the counter, he reached over, turned off the burner and set the tea kettle aside. As it turned out, Donna also chose that moment to emerge from the bedroom.

His investigation into the boxes contents took a back seat as he looked at her. He was a little worried to see that, rather than looking at least a little refreshed as he would have expected, she looked even more exhausted than when she’d went in. Except for the slight pink in her cheeks from the hot water and the dark circles that hung like bruises under her eyes, her skin looked pale enough to be nearly transparent. He suspected a strong breeze would have blown her over.

Walking across the living room, her damp hair down around her shoulders, Donna sat down heavily on the couch. “Thanks for letting me use the shower,” she said.

“No problem,” he said leaving everything spread out on the counter to get her a bottle of water and two ibuprofen tablets. “Feel better?” he asked, handing both to her.

She shrugged non-committally. “I guess, a little.” 

He watched as she put the tablets in her mouth and took a drink of water. Just that simple process seemed to be a huge effort for her. “I was just looking through the stuff in one of the pizza boxes,” he told her. “I’m going to have to look at things more closely, but it’s pretty interesting. You want to see what I found?”

She shook her head. “No, maybe in the morning, but you go ahead.”

“Okay,” he replied. “Hey, the water’s hot. You still want that tea?”

“Sure,” she said a little sleepily.

He walked back into the kitchen and poured some hot water in the mug he’d already gotten out and added a tea bag to it. After steeping it for a moment, he put in two big squeezes of honey, just like he knew she liked it. Just as it had felt oddly normal to put his arm around her waist and pull her close, it felt natural that he knew how she liked her tea.

“You know, Donna, you really should just sleep in my room tonight,” he said, giving her tea a final stir and carrying it out to her. “Seriously, I’ll be fine...” He paused when he saw her. “...on the couch.”

Still half sitting up, she looked to be sound asleep. He imagined sheer exhaustion and the absence of the adrenaline she’d been running on had simply knocked her out. Clearly, she’d been sitting up and had fallen over sideways against the pillow he’d laid on the couch’s armrest. He considered trying to either coax her or carry her into his room, but at that point, he hated the thought of waking her up.

With a soft smile, Josh put the mug down on the end table. Then he carefully pulled the coffee table back a bit and tried to settle her a little more comfortably on the couch. Moving over in front of her, he gently lifted her feet off the floor and put them up on the couch so she was more or less reclining. At the motion, she stirred slightly and stretched out further, but didn’t wake up. His heart swelled with tenderness for her as he pulled the blanket up over her and tucked it loosely around her shoulders. He watched her for a moment and softly brushed a still damp strand of hair away from her face.

Before he’d even processed his desire to do so, he bent over and kissed her lightly on the forehead. Her only response was to sigh a little and snuggle her cheek deeper into the pillow. The fact that even in sleep she trusted him so completely after all she’d been through that night, touched him deeply. 

Standing up, Josh felt the muscles in his back twinge a bit. Apparently Donna wasn’t the only one who’d had a bit of a rough night. As he switched off the lamp by the couch and carried the untouched tea back into the kitchen, he was feeling pretty tired himself. Although he planned on having Donna take tomorrow off, he was going to have to go into the office, maybe a little late, but not late enough he could stay up all night.

However, he couldn’t resist looking through the items on the counter for a little while longer. Although it would take him some time to thoroughly examine everything, including what was in the other box and completely connect the dots, he already knew he was going to have to tell Leo about this. It had the potential, at least indirectly, to affect the White House.

‘Leave it to Amy to screw me with my pants on even after she’s gone,’ he thought grimly.

Making a mental note to call Leo first thing in the morning, Josh decided he needed some sleep. He loaded everything back into the box, sealed it closed and put both fake boxes into his freezer. Even though no one knew they had the documents, Josh was still feeling a little paranoid and he wasn’t taking any chances that someone would see them who shouldn’t. The freezer had apparently worked well enough for Amy so he figured it would work for him too.

Switching the kitchen light off, he stopped to check on Donna one last time. She still seemed to be sleeping peacefully enough, so he headed for the bedroom to turn in too. The only problem with that idea, he decided 3 hours later, was that his mind wouldn’t shut off long enough to let him actually sleep.

To help his back, he’d taken a shower before he’d gone to bed, so another one wasn’t going to help him sleep any better. He tossed and turned, counted sheep, and as a last resort he even alphabetized all the Presidents and First Ladies by first name and last. Nothing made him any sleepier.

His mind kept going back to the contents of those boxes. Donna had said she thought Amy had been having a relationship with the “James” in question. Had Amy been having an affair with him? And through that affair had she pieced together the contents of the boxes in his freezer? 

But the “James” that Josh had found in the contents of the box never struck Josh as a slime ball or a murderer. Not that it would necessarily take a slime ball to want to kill Amy. 

Amy was...had been, a master button pusher and if she had threatened to go public with the dirty laundry Josh suspected she’d collected, it could have been the wrong button to push. Releasing information like that would not only be politically and publicly humiliating, and it had the potential to derail the congressman’s entire career, not to mention his marriage. That was a BIG button and one Josh could easily see might have lead to her death. People in D.C. had definitely killed for a lot less.

Her death...

Amy’s death...

He still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around that one. The idea of it kept running through his mind, over and over again, but the funny part was, although he wouldn’t have wished her dead, and murdered at that, he didn’t feel especially sad about it. Oh, he could feel intellectually sad that the life of someone he knew has been snuffed out, but emotionally there wasn’t much there. If that made him a bastard then so be it, but the biggest emotion he got out of it was...disbelief. 

Amy had always seemed like the woman who’d be stubborn enough and determined and yes, mean enough, to live forever, even if she had to drink the blood of sacrificed young virgin Democrats to do it. He supposed he’d always seen her as an almost “Picture of Dorian Gray” figure. 

It was selfish, he knew, but more than anything her death felt like a chapter closing in his life. One of those few definable moments when you realize that something has changed, whether for good or for bad, and your life will never quite be the same again. 

He and Amy had gone around and around, personally and professionally so many times, and although he’d had no plans to do anything in the personal arena with her again, it was hard to imagine her not being in the professional one. If nothing else she’d been a professional challenge for him and even the possibility of that challenge happening again was now gone...and gone in such a brutal way, he could hardly comprehend it.

And then there was Donna...he shuddered to think what might have happened to her tonight.

God, what had he done...or almost done?

He should have known better than to let Donna anywhere near Amy. If Donna hadn’t been so lucky and so able to think on her feet, the detectives might have been investigating a triple homicide instead of a double one, and although Josh didn’t pull the trigger, or point the gunman at Amy, he would have had a hand in Donna’s death simply because he’d put Donna where she should never have been. A place HE should have been. 

He felt sudden hot tears pool in his eyes and he quickly blinked them away. 

If Donna had died that night, he’d never have forgiven himself, if for no other reason than she had died in his place. Of course, there were a myriad of other reasons why he never would have forgiven himself, not the least of which was the fact that he and Donna would have never had a chance to figuring out this thing they had between them. Mentally he sighed...and that was something his tired, but wide awake mind was not ready to contemplate just then

Finally giving up trying to sleep, Josh decided to make his insomnia productive and take another look at the documents. Not to mention the fact that he had a sudden need to check on Donna. He’d just sneak out there, check on her, get the boxes out of the freezer, and then bring them back into the bedroom so he wouldn’t disturb her. 

Tiredly throwing back the covers, he slid out of bed and walked out into the living room. He was startled to see Donna sitting up on the couch, staring into the darkness.

He wasn’t sure if she was awake or doing some kind of sleepwalking thing. In any case he didn’t want to frighten her. “Donna?” he said softly. “You okay?”

At the sound of his voice, she turned to him and shook her head. There was just enough moonlight coming in that he could see her face was wet with tears.

It didn’t surprise Donna to see him standing there. In most of the darker moments of her adult life he’d been there, so there was no reason to think that this would be any different. Truth be told, there was no one else she wanted to be there, but him. With him there she thought maybe she wouldn’t drown in the vast sea of pain that was rolling through her.

She saw him reach down to turn on the lamp next to the couch. “Don’t...” she said. “Leave it off.” She needed the dark, needed the soothing cushion of it wrapped around her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he pulled the coffee table a little closer and sat down to face her. “Did you have a bad dream?”

She sniffed softly. “I don’t know...I guess I did...I don’t remember. I just woke up and found myself crying.”

“Well, you had a pretty rough night. You’re definitely entitled to a few tears,” he said. In fact he wouldn’t mind seeing more. As much as he hated to see her cry, at least then he would know that she wasn’t bottling everything up inside. “Can I get you anything?”

“No, I just...” her voice trailed off.

“What? What is it?” he said laying a hand on the side of each of her knees to try and comfort her.

“I have all these images...playing...they play over and over in my head.” She ground the heels of her hands into her eyes. “I can’t...they won’t stop. I keep seeing her get shot. I never saw anyone get shot before.” 

“I know, I can’t imagine how terrible that must have been for you,” he said, feeling a little helpless. 

Despite the many lingering problems he’d had after Rosslyn, at least one thing he didn’t have to face was the memory of being shot, which was largely a blur to him. More an impression of pain and shock than an actual memory. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to see someone being shot up close and personal.

Donna felt the tidal wave of pain and emotion swell in her. “There was blood...so much blood...blood everywhere. On the walls and the floor...on me. I tried to save her, I swear I did.”

“Of course, you did,” he said.

Like the fresh tears that were running down her face, the words were tumbling out of her quickly now. “I tried to stop the bleeding with some towels, but I couldn’t. I called 911 but it seemed like the police and the paramedics took forever to get there,” she told him with a little sob. “I should have done something more. Maybe if I’d come out of hiding sooner, but I was so scared. I didn’t know if he was still out there.” 

It hurt Josh to see her in such pain and despair. “Donna...”

Donna only vaguely heard him as her voice reached a level of almost hysteria. “And then...and then..” she choked. “I looked down at her and suddenly, part of me was glad it was her and not me on the floor. Oh, God, I’m sorry,” she wailed to no one in particular as she rocked back and forth from the pain of her words. How could she think such a thing about someone who had just been murdered? “I know that makes me a horrible person.” Her sobs were slowly rising in volume and frequency. 

Trying to get through to her, Josh’s hands slid up to hold her face gently, but firmly between them so she had to look at him. “Donna, look at me,” he commanded. Although it took a minute, she stopped rocking and her eyes finally seemed to focus in on him. “You have nothing to be sorry for. It doesn’t make you a horrible person, it makes you human, it doesn’t mean you don’t care.”

“But...” she tried to begin. 

“But nothing,” he said cutting her off. “You did exactly the right thing by hiding,” he said firmly. “You were smart and brave and you outwitted the bad guy, something I’m not sure I could have done,” he added honestly. “But you kept your head and you hid and when you thought he was gone you came out and called 911 and tried to help Amy any way you could.” He paused and let out a breath. 

“And you’re helping her, even now, by helping the police catch her killer. If you’d died along with her then no one would have been able to tell the police what happened.” He stared at her in the dark. “If nothing else, you were there with her so she didn’t have to die alone and no one could ask more than that.“ 

He gave her face a gentle squeeze and when he spoke, his voice was soft and tender. “And for the record I’m glad it wasn’t you on the floor, too.”

Swallowing hard, Donna heard and felt his words down to her very soul and finally she felt what was left of the dam of emotion she had built up inside her break open. “Oh, God, Josh...” she began as everything seemed to swamp her at once. 

For a moment, it stripped her of the ability to speak. It was almost like her soul felt loose inside her body. As if the bonds that tied her inside to her outside had been severed and the inside floated free. Rather than it being freeing, it was horribly disorienting and even a little frightening.

“Say it, Donna,” he urged, knowing she had to get it out. “Tell me.”

A look of horror came over her face. “I was...I was...I was so scared, Josh. I thought...” her voice caught as the first sob began. “...I thought I was going to die!”

The sobs began in earnest then and Josh could all but feel the pain coming off of her in waves. As much as he wanted to comfort her and make her stop crying, he knew she had to release the horror and the pain of what she’d been through and crying was the best way for her to do that.

Moving to the couch, he sat down next to her, gathered her up in his arms and settled her on his lap. “I know, Donna, I know,” he cooed as he rocked her gently. “That’s it, just let it out. You’re safe now.”

Burying her face against his neck, she sobbed against him, her whole body shaking with the force of it and soon the front of his t-shirt was soaked with her tears. Sharing her pain and anguish, it wasn’t long before he had tears of his own running down his face.

He tried to soothe her with more words, but in the end he just held onto her and she to him. Her hands gripped the front of his shirt so hard that he was sure the fabric would forever retain some sort of stretched out, misshapen feature where her nails had dug in. 

Her cries were almost like those of a wounded animal. Not a howl, but cries that went beyond sadness into despair. She cried until he thought she would be sick and just when he was going to try and do something to bring her back from it, she began to quiet.

Slowly, very slowly, her sobs and crying subsided and her body began to relax against his, until she was lying weak and exhausted in his arms. The only way he knew she wasn’t asleep was the feeling of one of her hands moving up and down his arm in a slow, rhythmic fashion. He was supposed it was comforting to her, but he had a feeling that she was trying to comfort him as well.

Wanting a tissue but not having any in the vicinity, Josh used the next best thing. His t-shirt. Pulling up the bottom hem, he used it to gently wipe the remaining tears off her face. Then he wiped his own away on his sleeve.

Without another word, he stood up with her in his arms and carried her into the bedroom. She didn’t comment as he settled her in the bed and covered her up with the bedding, but he could see that her eyes were open and she was watching him in the dark.

Leaning over, he smoothed the hair out of her face. “I’ll be right back,” he said softly.

Stripping off his t-shirt and tossing it in the direction of the hamper, Josh walked to the dresser, pulled out a clean one and slipped it on. Then he came back, slid under the covers with her and slipped his arms around her. He felt her head settle itself on his shoulder. 

“Do you think you can sleep now?” he asked gently. He felt her nod against him in the dark. “Good, me too. Now close your eyes,” he whispered. “I’ll be right here.”


	4. Chances

Chapter 4

Donna awoke slowly, her mind still feeling clouded by sleep and her body still feeling languid from the night. Not an all together unpleasant experience. It didn’t take long, however, for the previous night’s events to rise to the surface like a sickly tide. Images of Amy and Henry came back over her again and just as they had last night, began to play like a slideshow on the inside of her eyelids.

Needing to stop the show before she went stark raving mad, she forced her eyes open and found herself looking at the ceiling. She frowned when she realized it wasn’t her ceiling. 

Oh, that’s right. It was Josh’s. She’d stayed at Josh’s last night. He’d been so amazing. Although parts of last night were still fuzzy, she remembered how he’d rescued her from Amy’s office and how he’d stolen the documents from Amy’s apartment and apparently saved both of them from getting caught by the police. Okay, so she didn’t remember that part so well, but she had a pretty good idea of what had happened. 

What she did remember with crystal clarity was the way he’d held her last night, first while she’d cried her eyes out and then so that she could fall asleep. In his arms, she’d found the peace she’d so badly needed last night. 

So it was with a stab of disappointment that she realized she’d woken up alone. 

However, she felt oddly comforted when she heard his voice coming from the living room and took a breath of the subtle smell of him that was all over the sheets. She knew it was silly, but she needed that extra edge of comfort, so she pulled his pillow close as she lay there and listened to him talking. Her hearing was good enough, the apartment was quiet enough and he was loud enough that she could plainly hear everything he was saying.

Out in the living room, Josh was pacing as he talked on the phone.

“And that’s all I’ve been able to piece together so far,” he told Leo.

“My God, I had no idea,” Leo replied. “We never had any indication that he was involved with anything like this.”

“I know, I know, I had no idea this was coming either.”

“If what you’re saying is true, it could be really bad,” Leo said. “It could cause a major shake-up in the House, not to mention giving the party a black eye.” 

“Those are both givens at this point, I think,” Josh agreed. 

“How’s Donna handling what happened?” Leo asked.

Josh ran a hand through his already unruly hair. “Okay, I guess. She’s still sleeping.”

There was a pause from Leo’s end. “She’s there?”

Josh could hear the loaded question in Leo’s voice. He had a feeling that Leo, CJ and Toby lived in fear of something happening between Donna and him. Given the fact that he and Donna had known each other for seven years and they still hadn’t gotten around to acknowledging whatever they had between them, he was pretty sure that the three of them didn’t have much to worry about. Not while they were still in office anyway.

“Yeah, she had a pretty rough night, Leo. I didn’t want her to be alone last night so I had her stay here. I’m also going to give her today and tomorrow off, but I’ll be in about noon today.” He sighed. “I just want to make sure she’s going to be all right before I come in, plus I want to look this stuff over some more.”

Josh’s answer seemed to satisfy Leo because he didn’t comment any further on that front. “Did you call our guy at the FBI?” he asked instead.

“Yeah, I called Mike Casper right before I called you,” he told Leo. “He’s out of town, but he’ll be back tomorrow and I’m meeting with him in the morning. He offered to have someone else meet with me today, but I want to keep the number of people who know about this to a minimum.”

“Good, because this thing could easily get out of control very fast.”

“Not to mention the fact that with the congressman involved this will go way beyond the scope of the Arlington County P.D.” Josh added.

“Yeah, I think that’s safe to say,” Leo replied. “Mike’s going to want to interview Donna, too. Is she gonna be up for that?”

Josh let out a breath. “I hope so. She’s not going to be thrilled about the idea of having to talk about what happened again. The police grilled her pretty thoroughly last night.”

“Yeah, the police have a habit of doing that,” Leo said absently as it sounded like he rustled through some papers. “Hey, be sure you keep CJ in the loop on all this.”

“What and deny her the chance of using me for target practice?” Josh replied.

“I think it’s more like she’d have your head mounted on her wall.”

“And a fine decoration it would be,” Josh joked. “Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to keep her informed.” Turning serious, he paused. “Leo, we’ll need to keep Donna’s name out of this. It could be dangerous for her.”

“I agree,” Leo replied. “I assume the Arlington County P.D. and the FBI will clam up about her too. They’re going to want to protect their star witness. If CJ does get any questions, we’ll just say an unnamed witness and if by some unlikely circumstance Donna’s name comes up, we’ll just deny it.”

“Well, if we’re lucky, we won’t have to reveal there was a witness at all, at least not until the hearings or a trial begins,” Josh said. As he’d spent the last couple hours sorting through the contents of both pizza boxes, he’d gotten more and more worried about Donna’s safety if it was revealed she was a witness to Amy’s shooting.

“Right. So now I’m going to ask the question I’ve been trying not to ask you...” Leo began. “Just how did this evidence wind up in your hands?”

Josh waited a beat before answering. “Leo, trust me when I say that you don’t want to know how it came into my possession.” 

“I hope what you’re really telling me is this is not going to turn into another episode of ‘I need to take you out to the woodshed and whack you with a two by four.’” Leo replied.

“Well, you know, Leo, with me that’s always the risk you take...” He meant to poke fun at himself, but it fell a bit flat.

“Josh...” Leo said in a warning voice. “Mike’s going to need to know where you got them. Don’t you think you should share that info with me first?”

“I know that Mike will need to know how I got them, Leo and I’ll be sure to tell him,” Josh said. “But I’m not especially thrilled with the idea of making you an accessory after the fact.”

“JOSH! What the hell did you do?!!!” Leo yelled.

“Don’t worry, Leo, it’s nothing that I need to make a visit to the White House counsel’s office for.” At least he didn’t think it was...okay HOPED it wasn’t.

“Why does that not make me feel better?”

“Look, Leo, when the FBI and probably the Justice Department take over the investigation form the Arlington County P.D., as I’m sure they will with a member of Congress involved, I doubt they’ll try and prosecute me for the methods I used to obtain the information.”

“Again I fall back to my statement about not making me feel any better,” Leo remarked. 

Just then, Josh looked up to see Donna standing in the edge of the kitchen watching him. Considering all she’d been through she looked better after some sleep. The dark areas under her eyes weren’t so pronounced and while she still looked tired, exhaustion and stress didn’t seem to hang on her like a shroud.

“Josh...?” Leo was saying into the phone.

“Yeah, Leo, look, I need to go so I can get some things done and eventually make it in today,” he said not taking his eyes off Donna. “Don’t worry, I’ll talk to Mike about how I got the documents and if there’s any reason to worry, I’ll let you know.”

Leo sighed. “With you Josh, there’s always reason to worry.”

Once that remark would have stung, but after all Josh had gone through with Leo after Carrick it was so much water under the bridge. Although they could work together just fine, their relationship had changed and Josh no longer cared so much about what Leo thought of him. Other than maybe his mother and the President, the only person whose opinion of him that he really cared about was standing on the other side of the room.

“Yeah, I know, Leo. Bye.” He snapped the phone closed. “Hey,” he greeted her gently. ”What are you doing up?”

“I was done sleeping,” she replied with a little shrug.

“I didn’t wake you up, did I?” he asked with a frown.

“No. I mean I heard you talking to Leo, but it wasn’t loud enough to wake me up,” she replied.

“Oh, well, that’s good.” He paused. “Is everything okay?”

She was both comforted and annoyed that he was so worried about her. “Yes, I just woke up and didn’t feel like going back to sleep,” she told him. “Is it okay that I came out here? I mean I can go back in the…” she started to ask uncertainly.

“No, no, of course it’s okay. I just...I guess I figured you’d sleep for at least a couple more hours.”

How did she answer without saying that she didn’t relish the idea of sleeping without him there to hold her? “I’m okay,” she said, trying to reassure him…and herself, she supposed.

Josh watched her for a moment. “’Cause it’s okay, you can sleep all day if you want. I thought I’d give you the day off today…and tomorrow too if you’d like.” He smiled. “But after that I’m going to go back to being my usual slave driving self, so you better take advantage of it while you can.”

She smiled a little, more for his benefit than for hers. “As much as I appreciate the thought, Josh, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’d like to go to work.”

“Seriously, Donna, it’s fine. You deserve a break after last night.”

Staring at him, she hoped he could read the truth in her eyes. “Josh…I NEED to work.”

“But...”

“If I stay here or at my apartment with nothing to do all day but lay in bed or on the couch and watch TV, I’m going to go crazy. If I don’t stay busy, I’ll….” her voice caught ever so slightly. If Josh hadn’t known her so well, he would have missed it. “…I have to stop thinking about last night.”

He knew what she meant. Burying yourself in work was a favorite avoidance tactic of his. Josh suddenly wondered if he should have Donna talk to Stanley Keyworth. She’d definitely been traumatized by what had happened to Amy. He made a mental note to call Stanley and see what he thought, but for now Josh couldn’t see any harm in letting her work.

“Okay,” he said with a nod. She continued to stand where she was, still looking a little unsure. Between them stood the kitchen table, covered with the contents of both pizza boxes. Walking over to it, he held out his hand to her. “Come see what I found in the pizza boxes.”

Quietly shuffling over to him, she took his hand and let him pull her next to him to stand in front of the table.

“I have to give Amy credit, this is some pretty damning evidence against the congressman,” Josh told her. “In the first box I found document after document that showed everything from election fraud and voter tampering to kickbacks, both before and after he became a congressman, from private contractors, business owners, and unions. Some were in the form of copies of actual documents and then others were notes she’d written down from conversations she’d had or had overheard.”

“You’re kidding?” Donna said. “That much stuff?”

“That’s not all. In the second box, I found cassette tapes, a video tape, and data CDs. The data CDs are basically electronic copies of what was in the printed copies in the first box, although I think there’s also extra stuff not in the hard copy. The video tape is, and I think she must have hidden a camera somewhere because they didn’t know they were being recorded, a meeting between the congressman and a group from his district where they’re actually talking about the bribes he’s been taking to keep a military base open. The cassette tapes were recordings of conversations where she must have hidden a microphone in his office because on some of them her voice wasn’t on it and believe me when I say he did not know he was being taped. There were also conversations where she was urging him to go public with the info or she would.”

He grinned a little in disbelief. “Oh, and they were definitely having a thing. She even taped their, shall we say...pillow talk.”

‘Great so now we have Amy porn,’ she thought. She was definitely going to have to have her brain fumigated in the aftermath of the images that washed through it. Not to mention the fact that, although it shouldn’t have, the idea of Josh listening to Amy having sex with someone or doing...whatever, bothered her a little. 

“You watched and listened to everything already?” She didn’t think she’d been asleep that long.

Not picking up on the fact that she was a little less than thrilled, he shook his head. “No, there was a written catalog of what’s on the tapes and the CDs. Amy took copious notes.”

“Didn’t the moisture and the cold in the freezer wreck the tapes or the documents?”

“No, I don’t think so, I don’t know so much about the cold itself, but Amy had everything sorted and sealed in plastic zippered freezer bags and she even put those little dehumidifying packets, you know, the kind you get with your shoes, to keep things dry,” he explained.

“Oh, right...” Donna picked up copies of what looked like copies of cancelled checks and looked closely at them. Like a thunderbolt, she saw a name...

James McTierney...

As in Congressman James Allen McTierney of Narragansett, Rhode Island.

She looked over at Josh in disbelief. “McTierney?! ‘James’, is James McTierney?”

Josh was nearly bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement. “I know! Can you believe it?!”

“He’s the last one I would have picked.” 

“I know!” he repeated. “That was my reaction last night, too!”

“But he’s a democrat.”

“Obviously that didn’t make him immune to corruption,” Josh pointed out.

“And he’s a MARRIED father of 4!” she said.

“Yeah, his wife and kids think so too, but he and Amy had an affair that started shortly after she and I broke up.”

“He’s on the House Appropriations committee,” Donna said a little absently as her sleepy mind began to fire. “Not to mention the fact that...” Then her mouth dropped open and she was so stunned for a moment, she couldn’t find her voice. “...that he’s also the ranking minority member for House Oversight and Reform!” Donna exclaimed. “I mean for god sakes, Josh, he’s one of the guys who makes sure that no one else is doing...well, exactly what HE’S been doing!” 

“I KNOW!!!” Josh said, all but jumping up and down. “And, he’s the head of the subcommittees on National Security and Emerging threats AND Criminal Justice!”

“Well, not for long once all this evidence, gets out,” Donna remarked.

“You got that right,” Josh replied. “Pretty good motive for murder if you ask me.”

Donna dropped down into one of the kitchen chairs and ran a hand through her hair. “What did Leo have to say about all this?” 

“He had pretty much the same response as you. McTierney’s a three term congressman and we’ve never had any problems with him, in fact he’s regularly supported the President on any number of issues and legislative agendas. We had NO indication that any of this was going on.” He paused for a moment. 

“When this evidence comes out, McTierney will likely lose his place on both the House Oversight and House Appropriations Committees,” he told her. “In fact, he’ll be lucky if he isn’t removed from office all together. When and if either of those things happen, it could shift the balance in the House as someone new is elected to fill the seat and the rest of the House adjusts to fill the vacant committee and subcommittee seats.”

“And a shift like that could and most likely would ultimately impact the White House and the President’s legislative agenda,” Donna added, filling in the blank.

“Absolutely,” he agreed. “Not to mention making the party look bad. When this hits the fan, the Republicans will be laughing their asses off at us.”

Donna was quiet for a moment. Her hands fluttered over the contents of the table. As amazing as the information was, she was caught between fascination and wishing everything on the table and the last 24 hours, didn’t exist. Well, except maybe the Josh holding her part, that she would have welcomed anytime.

“So you think this is why the congressman had Amy killed,” she said softly. It came out more as a resigned conclusion than a question.

Josh looked at her for a moment. There was something in her tone. Something that was a little sad, but there was more to it than that. Josh almost wanted to call it, disagreement. “Yeah, don’t you think so too?”

She sighed. “Well, that would be the obvious conclusion,” she told him. “This evidence could ruin his career and even his life since it would also expose his affair to his wife, but...” her voice trailed off.

“Go on...” he urged, wanting to hear what she had to say.

Although she didn’t want to remember, her brain seemed more than willing to serve up memories of last night. Donna rubbed her hands slowly over face for a moment.

“I don’t know...” she said, dropping her hands into her lap with a sigh. “All I keep thinking is that Amy knew everything we know and probably a little more and yet she still didn’t understand why McTierney would kill her for it.”

“Well, maybe she didn’t know him as well as she thought,” Josh replied. “And with her forcing his hand to go public...well, it might have been just the push he needed to have her taken out. Without her and this stuff, his life gets a whole lot easier.” He sighed. “If it had worked, it would have been very neat and tidy for him.”

Donna stared down at the table, but wasn’t actually seeing anything. “But I’m the fly in the ointment aren’t I?” she said quietly, still looking at the table. “I’ve wrecked that for him.” She’d begun to get that slightly disconnected feeling again as the fear of what that might mean for her began to really sink in. “Now there will be an investigation, a big one.”

Josh could feel the fear and worry coming from her. “Donna...”

She turned her head to look at him. “I mean, what’s to keep him from stealing the documents and taking me out too? With no witness and no documentation there’s no investigation or case, either for Amy’s death or for all of the charges and allegations that would come out of this evidence.”

He reached out and took her hand. “Donna, he can’t take you out if he doesn’t know about you and there’s no way the Arlington County P.D. or the FBI is going to release that information. As for the documents, I’m going to make a back-up copy to leave in the freezer here just in case, but I’m meeting with Mike Casper tomorrow and I’ll give him the originals then. After that it won’t be our responsibility any more.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “Please try not to worry. I’m going to do everything in my power to keep you safe.”

And she believed him. Josh was one of the few people in the world she trusted completely. “Okay,” she said, giving him a small smile. “I heard you talking to Leo about how we got the documents. Do you really think the police and the FBI won’t try and prosecute us for stealing them?” She didn’t care so much what happened to her but she didn’t want him getting in trouble because of what she asked him to help her do.

He smiled back at her reassuringly. “I’m guessing that they’ll put more weight behind the fact that we have the documents than they will on how we GOT the documents.” He sighed. “Donna, after last night, you’ve got enough on your mind. Let me do the worrying for a while...okay?”

Although she knew he wasn’t Superman or anything, Donna still felt better knowing that Josh was looking out for her and she smiled to let him know that. “Okay.”

**********

The rest of the day was surprisingly quiet and normal for them, or at least as quiet and normal as things ever were at the White House.

Donna kept her mind focused on work and promised Josh she wouldn’t leave the White House without him. As for Josh, he and Leo filled in the President and Ron Butterfield on the situation and the President told Josh to keep them in the loop and to use any resources he needed to protect Donna and protect the administration’s interests with regards to McTierney and Congress.

That night Donna stayed with Josh again. They didn’t even discuss it, it just happened with an unspoken understanding, as did the fact that they once again both slept in his bed. Consequently, they both got a fairly good night’s sleep. 

When something terrible failed to happen, Donna began to feel more secure and relaxed. That was, of course until Mike Casper showed up to meet with her and Josh.

For security reasons they decided to use the same room in the basement that they’d used in their “Sagittarius” days. They’d started the meeting by showing Mike all the documents and going over every piece. Then, starting with her arrival in Amy’s office, Donna began to tell her story. Josh had planned to stay with her while Mike was interviewing her, but part way through Leo had called him into the Oval so with a profuse apology to Donna, he’d had to leave her alone with Mike.

After a day of meetings and being pulled left and right, it was a little after 9:30 before he’d gotten back to his office. With a frown he realized there was no sign of Donna. He was just about to go back down to the Sagittarius room to check on her when he looked up to see her standing in his office doorway.

She once again had that exhausted and slightly haunted look to her, but at least she didn’t look like she was going to fall over if you looked at her too hard. “You just getting done with Mike?” he asked as he came around the desk to her. He didn’t think her interview would take so long.

“No...well, yes,” she said with a sigh knowing she wasn’t making much sense. She felt like she’d been through the wringer with Mike.

“Here sit down,” he said, leading her over to one of his visitor chairs.

“Thanks,” she said gratefully as she sat down.

“Now you want to tell me how things went?” he said, sitting down in the other chair.

She let out a tired breath. “It went fine. Mike even left his spotlight and rubber hose back at the office, but I’m just tired of telling the same story over and over again.”

“Have you been with him all this time?”

“No, actually we talked for about two hours after you left, then he got called away for a while and he came back right after 6. I’ve been in with him for the last few hours,” she explained. “I would have checked in with you but you were in all those meetings.”

Josh nodded. “Where’s Mike? I was hoping I’d get to talk to him.”

“He went to talk to Ron Butterfield.”

“Oh, well did he at least feed you some dinner while he was giving you the third degree?”

“Nope,” she admitted.

He studied her for a moment. “Tell you what, I’m pretty much done here. I just need to talk to Mike then I can take off. How about we get some take out from Woo Fong’s and then go back to my apartment, have some dinner and turn in.”

Now it was Donna’s turn to study him. As much as she’d loved staying with him, she felt like she needed to try and get her life back into some kind of order. “Josh...I’ve been thinking.”

“Should I be scared?” he teased.

She was a little too worn out to laugh at his joke. “No, I just...I appreciate everything you’ve done for me over the last couple days. I couldn’t have made it through them if you hadn’t been so great.” She paused a moment trying not to see the slightly ‘I’m hurt but trying to hide it’ look in Josh’s eyes. “I need to go back to my apartment, see some of my own things, and try to get back some kind of normalcy.”

Josh was indeed a little hurt, although he couldn’t really say why. She’d said thank you and she had a valid point. On the other hand, he was still worried about her being alone, both because he knew she was still getting over what had happened and even though she had remained anonymous to anyone who would care, he was worried for her safety. However, he could clearly see that she wanted at least a little autonomy and he could hardly begrudge her that.

“I tell you what, how about a compromise?”

“A compromise?” she asked.

“I don’t want you taking the metro, so why don’t you take a cab to your apartment...I’ll even pay for it,” he said with a smile. “You can check on your place, get some things together, water your plants or whatever, I’ll grab some take out from Woo Fongs and then I’ll pick you up in an hour or so.”

Donna considered that. While she’d meant it when she said she wanted to go home, it was more to prove to herself that she could face being alone again, to face the quiet of her apartment and her own thoughts, but she wasn’t at all sure she was feeling secure enough yet to stay there all night. She’d also be lying if she said she hadn’t enjoyed, in spite of the circumstances, staying with Josh. Going to her place alone, but still staying the night with him, might be just what she needed to bridge the gap between staying with him and permanently going back home. 

“I’d like that,” she replied softly. “Thanks.”

**********

Twenty minutes later, Josh looked up at the sound of a knock on his open office door and saw Mike standing in the doorway. “Hey, Josh, you got a few minutes?”

“Sure, Mike,” Josh said, coming around the desk to greet him. “Actually I’m glad you came by. I wanted to talk to you before you left anyway.” The two men shook hands and Josh closed the door.

“I figured as much,” Mike replied as the two of them sat down in Josh’s visitor’s chairs. “I was going to see how Donna was doing but I didn’t see her at her desk.”

“Yeah, she wanted to go home and get some things, so I put her in a cab about 10 minutes ago,” Josh explained. “This thing shook her up pretty good so she’s been staying with me since it happened.” Josh let out a long breath and folded his hands in his lap. “So...?”

Mike gave him a long look. He wondered if his friend and Donna were ever going to figure out that they were crazy about each other. “So...this is huge, Josh.”

“I know.” Josh seemed to be saying that a lot.

“Even without the murder, this is huge. Depending on what the investigation reveals, I imagine the congressman will end up doing some time before all is said and done.”

“Yeah, that’s what I figured, too.” Josh replied. 

“It’s also big enough that I’ve red flagged everything so that only me, my team and the Federal Prosecutor will know the details of the documents. I’ve notified the Arlington County P.D. that we’ll be taking over the investigation.”

“I bet they were happy about that,” Josh said sarcastically.

“Their noses were a little out of joint, but they’re close enough to D.C. to know how things work, especially in light of the fact that I told them that a congressman was potentially involved,” Mike said. “They promised to send over all the files on their investigation to my office tomorrow morning.”

Josh frowned. “Are they going to keep their mouths shut about the congressman?”

“Josh, there’s almost zero chance that we’re going to be able to keep McTierney’s involvement under wraps. Once we interview him, it’s going to be all over the news.”

“I’m not worried about McTierney,” Josh told him. “He’s already screwed himself. I’m worried about it leading to people finding out Donna was involved.”

“Keeping her name out of this is at the top of my list,” Mike replied.

“Good,” Josh replied. “I want her safety to be the number one priority.”

Mike nodded. “I’m going to do everything I can, Josh. Including, if need be, taking her into protective custody.”

“Which is why I’m hoping that we can keep her anonymous for as long as possible. I know that she won’t want to be stuffed into some safe house.” He sighed. “And so far we seem to be in the clear. CJ hasn’t gotten any questions from the press about Donna or anything at all that would link anyone at the White House to Amy’s murder or the investigation of McTierney.”

“Well, that’s good news. If we can get through the next few days without it showing up in the Press we’ll probably be okay.”

“Um, Mike, speaking of being okay, did Donna happen to mention how we came to have the documents?”

Mike smirked slightly, but managed to keep a straight face as he spoke. “You mean how she conveniently forgot to mention to the police that Amy told her about the documents and where they were hidden? And then how the two of you went over to Amy’s apartment, found it had already been broken into, and stole the documents out of the freezer anyway?”

“Okay, so she told you,” Josh replied.

Mike grinned. “Yes, Josh, and don’t worry, since you turned over the documents and you and Donna are cooperating there’s nothing to be gained by prosecuting either of you.” He let out a long breath. “You know, Donna was really worried about that. She kept telling me how it was all her fault and that she talked you into it.”

Josh was immensely touched that she’d tried so hard to protect him from getting into trouble. “Well, it was my decision to help her and...”

He didn’t have a chance to say anything else, because just then a loud knock sounded on his door. Well, it wasn’t so much a knock as it was a pounding. Before he could even open his mouth to say come in, the door opened and CJ came in. She was breathless as if she’d run over to his office from hers.

“Turn your TV on,” she said breathlessly. It wasn’t a request. 

“What is it?” he said, flipping on the TV. He had no idea what would have gotten her so wound up.

“You’re not going to believe it,” she told him switching the TV to the local news. “I swear I had no idea this was happening.”

Josh stared at the TV and watched what appeared to be another story about Amy’s murder, but he quickly discovered it was nothing like he thought. 

“...Recapping our top story...in what has been a developing story since our 6 o’clock broadcast, NBC 4 has learned from sources at the Arlington County Police Department that the brutal slaying of Feminist Majority Foundation deputy director, Amelia Gardner, and Foundation security guard Justin Evans, two nights ago at the Foundation offices in Arlington, Virginia has been allegedly linked to an as yet unnamed United States Congressman.”

“See!” CJ exclaimed. “I swear Josh, I had no idea this was coming.”

“Why is the Arlington County P.D. talking to the press about an active murder investigation?!” Josh demanded. “Who’s running things over there? Larry, Moe and Curly?!”

“Shit. I knew they were pissed that we were taking over the investigation,” Mike said. “I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t tell them WHICH congressman.”

“You don’t think...” Josh said, his brain hardly able to entertain the possibility. “...that they would say anything about...Donna?”

“No,” Mike replied firmly. “They would know that would put her life in jeopardy. Not to mention that I would have to kill them with my bare hands.”

“...Although the nature of the alleged link is unclear, because the murders may now involve a United States Congressman, the investigation now falls under the jurisdiction of the FBI. And finally, NBC 4 has obtained a copy of a 911 call made to the Arlington County Emergency Dispatch Center on the night of Miss Gardner’s murder...”

“NO!!!!!” Josh yelled as his heart leapt into his throat. “How the hell did they get that?!!”

“They’re public records, Josh,” CJ put in. “The only way to block them would be a court order.”

“Which we haven’t had time to process!” Mike said. “It’s been less than 48 hours for Christ sakes!”

CJ continued. “Once they heard about a congressman being involved they would have been on the story like rabid dogs. The first thing any reporter worth his salt would do would be to check and see if there was a related 911 tape. Once they knew it existed, all they had to do was make a request for a copy.”

“And now, in an NBC 4 exclusive, here’s a portion of that call...”

Josh, Mike and CJ stood there, both transfixed and horrified, as the tape began to play.

Dispatch Operator: “911, what is your emergency?” 

Caller: “We need help...someone’s been shot. We need the police and the paramedics right away.”

Dispatch Operator: “What’s your name?”

Caller: “I tell you someone’s been shot and you ask for my name?!”

Dispatch Operator: “Please ma’am I need your name.”

Caller: “My name is Donna Moss.”

“Oh my God,” CJ said with a gasp before Mike or Josh could.

The newscaster came back on screen. “...so after reviewing the tapes, it’s clear that, contrary to what has been reported during the initial stages of the investigation, there was indeed a witness to Miss Gardner’s murder and that witness is White House staffer, Donnatella Moss, who was attending a meeting at Miss Gardner’s office...”

“NO, YOU IDIOT!!” Josh repeated as a picture of Donna at some White House function came up. Panic and fear for her raced through him.

Mike clenched his jaw angrily. “I’ll kill the pukes at the Arlington County P.D. for setting this in motion.”

“...While no one at the FBI could be reached for comment, indications are that the investigation will be headed by Special Agent Mike Casper, a 12-year veteran of the Bureau. We will bring you more information as it becomes available. And now over to Dale for the weather...”

Josh knew that the TV station had most likely just signed Donna’s death warrant. Immediately, Josh picked up the phone he dialed her cell phone. “There’s no answer. Wait...” he said looking helplessly at Mike. “...she doesn’t have her cell phone, they confiscated it as evidence,” he said looking helplessly at Mike. Then he tried the phone in her apartment...there was no answer there either. 

“I have to get to Donna,” he said already starting for the door. It was now his singular focus in life.

“I’ll drive,” Mike said, as he followed right behind him as they raced out of the White House. 

**********

Donna walked up the front steps of her building and went inside to the bank of mail boxes. Reaching into her purse, she pulled out her keys and started to dig for her cell phone. She promised Josh she’d call when she got into her building. A soft smile lit her face. It was nice to have someone worry about her. The smiled faded, however, when she remembered that the reason she didn’t have it was because it had been taken into evidence along with her clothes.

‘Well,’ she thought. ‘I’ll just have to call him when I get upstairs.’

Opening her mail box, she pulled out her accumulated mail, stuffed it in her purse and then went upstairs to her apartment. She wanted to have everything together when Josh got there. He hated to be kept waiting.

Trudging up the stairs to the third floor, she neared her apartment and almost ran smack into an old man as she rounded a corner.

“Oh, I’m sorry, dear,” he said. 

“No, I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going,” she told the stoop-shouldered man. He was bent over so badly she couldn’t even see his face. All she really could see was that he walked with a cane and he had one of those Rex Harrison tweed hats on. His white hair stood out wildly from under the edges of it.

“I seem to be a little lost,” he told her. “Do you think you could help point me in the right direction.”

“Of course,” Donna said.

“I’m looking for apartment 328,” he replied.

“Oh, that’s at the end of the hall.” She straightened up to point it out to him.

The next thing she knew, she was being roughly shoved back against the wall. She banged the back of her head slightly in the process and found what felt like the barrel of a gun being pressed painfully into her ribs. The little old man suddenly seemed a lot more spry and lot less old. 

“Not a word...not a sound. If you attract anyone’s attention, I’ll kill them,” he promised.

Although part of her didn’t want to see, she forced herself to look at him. Now that he was so close, even his ‘old man’ disguise couldn’t hide who he really was. Her blood turned to ice as she realized she was looking up into the eyes of the blonde gunman.

His breath was hot on her cheek when he spoke next. “Hello, Miss Moss, why don’t we go inside you apartment and chat?”


	5. Chances

Chapter 5

Mike hadn’t even completely stopped the car in front of Donna’s building before Josh was out and running up the front steps. Cursing the fact that he didn’t know the code to get into her building, Josh pressed the button for her apartment and waited 

Mike, who’d left the car double parked, ran up next to him. “Is she there?” he asked a little breathlessly.

“I don’t know, there was no answer,” Josh told him. “And I don’t know the door code to get us in.”

“Stand back a second,” Mike told him. Josh reluctantly stepped aside and watched as Mike started pressing every button on the board. 

“What are you doing?” Josh began

“You’d be amazed how often this works,” Mike told him. “People aren’t always very safety conscious. They hear someone buzz their apartment and they just buzz back to open the door without even checking,” he said as he continued to press buttons. A couple of people called back to see who was at the door, but Mike and Josh ignored them. “The other thing to try is to pretend you’re a pizza delivery man and….”

Suddenly, the door lock release sounded and Mike pulled open the door. “See.”

Not bothering to answer, Josh started through the door.

“No, Josh, you’re going to need to stay behind me. Let me take the lead,” Mike said drawing his gun as they raced inside and made their way up the stairs to Donna’s third floor apartment.

“But…” Josh tried to argue. If Donna was there, he had to get to her and he didn’t want anyone or anything to stand in his way.

“I’ve got the gun, so I take point and when we get up there, you’re going to need to stay out in the hall,” Mike said firmly. “I’m the trained one, remember? Let me do my job. If you go in with me and something’s going on or someone’s in there with her, you could make things worse.”

Josh couldn’t really argue with that. “Okay,” Josh replied as they reached the third floor landing and Mike let Josh direct them down the hall to Donna’s apartment. Mike motioned for Josh to get on one side of the door as he stood on the other. 

With a nod to Josh, Mike pounded his fist loudly on the door.

**********

In the bedroom, Donna felt her face explode in pain as he backhanded her for the second time. If she hadn’t been sitting, handcuffed to the chair, she knew she would have been on the floor by then.

The blonde man stared at her. Things were going so well. He knew that some days you were lucky and some days you were good. But tonight he’d been both. First, he’d been lucky enough to have a contact at the TV station that had given him an advance on the story they were going to run at 10 and then he’d been good enough to get the woman seated in front of him to believe he was a crippled old man.

“This really isn’t necessary, you know,” he told her as he stood calmly in front of her. “If you’ll just cooperate, I wouldn’t have to do that.”

At that point, Donna had moved beyond being scared into largely feeling nothing. She knew for a fact that she was going to die very soon. “Why not just kill me now like you killed Amy?”

“Because I need your help first,” he said as if it what he was doing was all very calm and rational. “In hindsight, I killed, or thought I killed, the other one just a little too quickly.”

“Why should I help you? You’re just going to kill me anyway.”

Rather than backhanding her, this time he slammed the butt of his gun into her left shoulder. The pain of it burst through her, making her cry out in shocked pain and surprise and nearly toppling her and the chair over. Roughly grabbing the arm that was attached to the shoulder he’d just treated so badly, she cried out again as he yanked her up straighter in the chair.

“That’s why,” he said with a calm that was more menacing than any sneer or look could have been. “Because while it’s true that I am going to kill you, I can make it quick and fairly painless or I can make it long and excruciating.” He stared at her. “It’s entirely up to you.”

Tears were running down her face now. “Bastard,” she said, knowing it might make him hit her again and not caring.

To her surprise, he smiled. “You’re not the first to think so,” he told her. “Now, where were you hiding when I killed her?” It was a black mark to his professional reputation that she’d gotten away and he wanted to know how such a tall, slip of woman had done it.

Donna didn’t see any harm in telling him. “I was hiding behind the door,” she said her voice still a little breathless from the pain.

“What door?” he demanded.

“The one in the bathroom.”

His eyes narrowed. “No, you weren’t. There was only a coat rack behind the door.”

Donna managed to nod. “I was behind a coat.”

“How very resourceful of you,” he said with a laugh. Then he backhanded her again. “That’s for causing me all this trouble.”

She tasted her own blood now as he’d split her lip fairly efficiently that time. “I was just trying to stay alive…” Donna mumbled.

Just then the chime on her intercom sounded out in the living room signaling someone wanted to get into her building. Hope flashed inside her, but quickly faded. She prayed it wasn’t someone she knew, like Josh. She didn’t want him or anyone else walking into the middle of this. Besides, what could they do? No one could help her now.

The gunman seemed oblivious to the intercom. “Who besides the Arlington County PD did you tell about me?”

No matter how much it hurt, she’d die before she’d tell him about Josh’s involvement. “The FBI,” she offered. 

“Just Casper? No one else?” 

“No,” she replied. “No one.”

He grabbed her by the hair, bringing more tears to her eyes. “Why do I think you’re lying?”

“I don’t know,” Donna answered.

Turning his fist, he tightened his grip on her hair. It felt like each hair was being ripped out by the root. “Tell me again and make me believe it. Did you tell anyone else about me?”

“No!” she yelled.

“No one at the White House?”

“NO!” she denied vehemently. “I thought it might be dangerous for them if I did.”

“Not even your boss?”

“I already told you, NO!”

He looked at her for a long moment, then, apparently satisfied, released her hair. With the tension released, every released follicle seemed to tingle almost to the point of stinging.

“I already know that it took the Gardner woman a few minutes to die. Did she mention anything about where she hid something?”

Donna tried to get her dazed brain to function. He didn’t know about the documents, but he knew about her? How was that possible? Her train of thought was derailed when he backhanded her again.

“Stop it!” she yelled.

“You’re thinking,” he said. “I don’t want you to think, I want you to answer the question.”

“No, she didn’t say anything,” Donna lied. Because of her swelling split lip and sore, puffy face, her words were getting a little slurred. “Just what I heard you two talking about.”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. This time I definitely think you’re lying,” he said with a shake of his head. “Where are they, Donna?”

She didn’t like it when he used her name. The way he said it made her name sound just like he was saying ‘fucking bitch.’

“I don’t know what you mean...” 

He walked around behind her and she realized that she didn’t like him back there. She wanted to see exactly what he was doing. Of course she didn’t have to wait long to discover what he was doing when she felt something cold and metallic close around her pinkie and then there came a sudden little snap like a twig branch. Sharp, bright pain shot through her hand like fire.

“I’ve just broken the little finger of your left hand. I’ll break the other nine and then go back and break them in different places. As you can imagine, that will hurt quite a bit.” 

“She didn’t tell me anything about documents,” Donna said. “All she did was mumble incoherently...” She felt his fingers on her hand again. Apparently she’d failed to convince him. Just as she felt his fingers tighten on hers, a loud, heavy knock came at her door.

‘Please, God, don’t let that be Josh,’ she prayed silently although she couldn’t think of who else it could possibly be.

At that point, things seemed to slow to a crawl, even though they were actually happening very quickly.

The gunman moved over to stand in the bedroom doorway facing the front door. He listened carefully for any sounds or voices following the knocking. It didn’t take long for something to happen. 

The front door burst open as Mike kicked it in and he instantly saw the blonde man in the doorway. “FBI, drop your weapon!!” he exclaimed. Mike shifted position to get ready to fire and felt Josh right behind him instead of out in the hall where he should have been.

It was all the distraction that the gunman needed and he drew his gun on them.

Not even having time to curse, Mike shoved Josh behind the couch and he dove behind a large arm chair. At the same time, the gunman dove behind the dining room table and turned it on its side to use for cover as he started firing at Mike.

They continued to exchange fire, but when Mike stopped firing to put a fresh clip in his gun, the gunman saw his chance to escape. He pulled out a fresh, already loaded spare gun from the back of his waistband and started firing again as he ran through the living room and out the still open front door. Without a second thought, Mike took off after him. 

For the first few minutes afterward, the apartment was quiet and Josh lay motionless behind the couch. 

Slowly, groggily, Josh groaned softly and began to stir. His head was buzzing and his vision wavered for a minute before everything came back into focus. ‘What the hell happened?’ he wondered. 

Rubbing his head, Josh winced as his fingers touched a large lump on his head. There was no blood, but in addition to the lump, Josh could already feel a headache starting. He couldn’t quite remember how the lump had gotten there, but he figured he must have hit it on something when Mike had shoved him down. Looking around for what it might be, he saw a long sofa table. It was the only thing it could have been. The floor was carpeted and there was nothing else hard behind the couch.

Then it suddenly came back to him. Donna? Where was Donna? Using the sofa table that had apparently so rudely given him the lump he was currently sporting, he pulled himself up. It was a little disconcerting to see the room sway slightly as he stood up straight, but he remained standing so he considered it a victory.

Looking around the living room, which was now a bit worse for wear after all the shooting, he didn’t see Donna or Mike, or even the gunman for that matter. Then he remembered seeing the gunman in the doorway of Donna’s bedroom right before Mike has pushed him so unceremoniously out of the way so he headed that way.

He found her just inside the doorway. His heart felt like it had been wrenched from his chest when he saw her silently trembling on the floor. Her hair had fallen across her face so he couldn’t see it and she was handcuffed to a chair, but she’d pulled her knees up into her body so she was largely in a fetal position. It looked like she’d been sitting in the chair and at some point, she’d been knocked over or had fallen over.

His own headache forgotten, he dropped down beside her. When he reached out to touch her she instinctively pulled away from him and whimpered like a wounded animal. The sound tore his heart into a million pieces. 

“It’s okay, Donna, it’s me,” he cooed gently. “It’s Josh, it’s okay now. Are you hurt?”

Still shivering fairly hard, she seemed to quiet a little at the sound of his voice, but didn’t respond to his question. However, he took it as a good sign that she didn’t pull away when he reached out and started to check her for broken bones or signs of being shot. After a cursory check that didn’t reveal anything obvious, he gently moved her hair back from her face.

He winced at what he saw. Bruises were already blooming against the pale, delicate skin on her cheek and jaw, her lip was purple and swollen, and blood in varying levels of dryness dotted her lips and chin. He couldn’t really tell if the other side of her face looked better or worse as she had it pressed against the carpet and her shoulder. What worried him the most were her eyes. They were open, largely unblinking, and seemed to be staring at nothing. Not like she was dead, but like she was just...not there. 

He felt completely helpless. With her attached to the chair like she was, he couldn’t even hold her or comfort her. And of course, he couldn’t get her unhooked from the chair without a key to the handcuffs. Because of all the bruises on her face he was afraid to even touch her cheek. 

So he did the only thing he could think of. Slipping off his jacket he laid it over her and pulled a blanket off her bed and covered her with that too. Then, although it made the sore spot on his head pound, he leaned down so they were eye to eye. 

“Donna? Donna can you hear me?” She continued to stare blankly at him. Gently, he laid his hand on her apparently undamaged forehead and rubbed his thumb back and forth over it. “Give me a sign here.”

He continued to talk to her in a low, gentle tone, trying to reach whatever place she’d buried herself in. Although her whole body continued to tremble, slowly, he saw some life begin to come back into her eyes and finally she blinked. Then, much to his relief, her eyes focused in on him.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Josh?” she said with a bit of a slur.

“The one and only,” he said with a smile.

She blinked again. “What happened?”

“We can talk about that later. How do you feel?” he asked.

Pain had begun to check in from many areas of her body. “Lousy. I can’t stop… shaking.”

“Where does it hurt?”

She forced her sluggish mind to answer. “My hand...my shoulder, and my...face.” 

“Okay,” he replied, not knowing what to say. “What’s wrong?” he asked when he saw her frown and stare at a point over his left shoulder.

With a little whimper, her eyes fluttered slightly and then she looked up at him. Tears swam in her eyes as she spoke. “I just remembered why they hurt…”

Josh swallowed and saw his own vision waver for a moment. Whether it was from the bump on his head or extra moisture in his eyes, he didn’t quite know. “Yeah, I know,” he said gently, brushing his hand gently over her head. “He’s gone.”

Just then they both heard pounding footsteps. Donna recoiled at the sound, thinking maybe it was the gunman. Josh looked up quickly, a little too quickly as the room spun a bit before he blinked and managed to focus in on Mike standing in the doorway. He was panting hard like he’d just run a marathon.

“Did you get him?” Josh asked.

Mike shook his head as he put his gun away. “I followed him for nearly 3 blocks, but then he ducked into a metro station and I lost him.” He started to pull something out of his jacket pocket. “I did however manage to get this,” he said, holding up the tweed hat and false wig the gunman had been wearing. “He dropped them. We might get some hair or DNA off of them.” His expression turned grave as he took in the sight of Donna buried under a blanket. “She okay?” 

“Um, yeah, I think so.”

Mike knelt down beside Josh. “How you doing, Donna?”

“I’ve been better,” she said quietly.

“She’s handcuffed to the chair, Mike. Do you have a key?”

“Sure.” Mike pulled his keys out of his pocket and found the one that opened most kinds of handcuffs. Tugging Josh’s jacket and the blanket out of the way, Mike removed her handcuffs and together, while Josh held onto her and Mike pulled on the chair, they freed her. 

Unconsciously, her body began to sag gratefully into Josh’s arms. But as her body weight pressed her against Josh, she cried out softly as pain shot through her shoulder. Both men looked at her sharply.

“What’s wrong?” Josh asked.

“My left shoulder…he…it hurts,” she explained a bit tearfully. “My little finger’s broken too.”

Josh felt a wave of rage go through him. He wasn’t a violent man, but right then he could have taken Mike’s gun and shot the gunman himself. However, he knew he had to shove it aside if he was going to help Donna and keep her calm. 

Gently, he shifted her onto her other side so she was more comfortable. “Let me see your hand.”

Slowly she held it up for him. It was clearly broken. It was already swollen and purple and was pointing in an angle that looked slightly off. 

“We’ll get it taken care of,” he promised. “Do you think something in your shoulder is broken too?” he asked.

“No,” she answered tiredly. “I don’t think so.”

Josh looked at Mike. “We need to get her to the hospital.”

“I don’t want to go to the hospital,” she protested weakly.

“Too bad, because you’re going anyway,” Josh told her in a voice that brooked no argument.

“The car’s still out front. Do you think you can make it down there, Donna?” Mike asked.

She looked at Josh and knew arguing with him would get her nowhere. “I think so,” she said still with a slight tremor in her voice. 

“Okay, let’s get you to your feet,” Mike said.

Josh managed to hide the residual dizziness from the bump on his head as he and Mike got Donna up off the floor and sat her on the edge of the bed. While Mike went to the kitchen to grab a plastic bag to put the hat and the wig in, Josh put his jacket back on and helped her into a heavier coat to keep her warm. 

Then, with Donna between them, Josh and Mike started for the car.

**********

“But I’m fine,” she told Josh and Mike, who were on opposite sides of her gurney in the GW emergency room.

The impact of her statement was kind of ruined by the bruises covering her face, her shoulder, her left hand and the fact that she still couldn’t stop shaking.

Josh, who was sitting on a stool by the gurney, replaced the small ice pack she’d pulled away from her lip, and gave her right hand, the one without the broken finger, a squeeze. “Donna, don’t take this the wrong way, but if you could see your face right now you wouldn’t be so quick to say that.”

She didn’t care how she looked, she just knew how she felt. “I don’t want to stay overnight,” she insisted pulling the ice pack away again. “The doctor said I don’t even have a concussion.”

“Yes, and he also said after the trauma you went through tonight, it would still be a good idea for you to stay here so they can monitor you and give you something for your shoulder and your finger.”

“But…” she tried.

“Donna, if it’s your safety you’re worried about, we’re going to have two agents on guard at your room at all times. If you stay here tonight, it will also help give us a little time to get things ready to take you into protective custody in the morning,” Mike said gently.

They’d told her about the story on the late news. She was still overwhelmed and couldn’t really absorb what it meant and she really couldn’t think about being put in protective custody, stashed away from Josh and the White House. She’d probably have lots and lots of time to think about things she didn’t want to think about. Just the idea of being locked away, albeit for her own protection, was adding to her already off-the-chart stressful night.

She looked at Josh, her eyes pleading with him. “Please, Josh, I don’t want to stay here.” 

She was getting a definite feeling of claustrophobia. She needed something familiar, and somewhere she felt safe. What she needed was to go back to Josh’s. While intellectually she knew that his place wasn’t necessarily any more secure than hers had been, or Amy’s for that matter, emotionally it was the only place she thought she’d feel safe right now.

Josh, who was still fighting a fairly throbbing headache from his tangle with the table, wished he could grant her request, but he knew, especially with the way she was still trembling, it was better for her to stay. “Donna, it’s just for the night,” he said.

“Would you want to stay?” she challenged.

Josh sighed. “No, I wouldn’t. You know how I feel about hospitals.”

“You know, Josh, after you got shot, you weren’t the only one spending a lot of time in the hospital.”

That hung in the air for a long moment. “I know,” he replied softly.

“So...I don’t like hospitals any better than you do, so I’m not staying,” she said throwing back the sheet and blanket they’d covered her with. Shakily, she started to sit up and swing her legs over the side of the gurney.

Josh, in his haste to stop her, jumped up quickly…and promptly saw the world take a sudden dip and his vision fade to black. The next thing he knew he found himself on the floor. Mike was yelling for a doctor and Donna was kneeling beside him, her own injuries forgotten for the moment.

“What is it, Josh?” she said worriedly. “Did you get hurt at the apartment?” she asked as she started running her hands down inside his jacket, along his torso for blood or other obvious signs of injuries.

“You know, Donna, as much as I appreciate you frisking me...” he teased.

“Josh...” she warned.

He sighed and laid his head back on the floor. Lying prone on the floor had brought a lot of his dizziness back and had done nothing to help the throbbing. “Yeah. I kind of hit my head when the shooting started.”

Donna swallowed down the images of the shooting. “Why didn’t you say something?” she asked.

Josh was saved from having to answer by the arrival of Dr. Rosenberg, the same ER doctor who’d been treating Donna, and a nurse.

“What do we have here?” Dr. Rosenberg asked.

“He fainted when he stood up...he said he hit his head earlier,” Donna answered.

“Donna, I can answer for myself,” he said, hating the slightly groggy quality in his voice. “I’m not, you know, unconscious.”

“Well, Mr. Lyman, let’s get you up off the floor so I can check you out,” Dr. Rosenberg said.

“I don’t need you to check me out,” Josh protested as Mike and the doctor pulled him up and deposited him on the gurney next to the one Donna had just been on. Josh closed his eyes to try and fend off the renewed bout of mild dizziness that being moved around had caused.

“Feeling dizzy?” Dr. Rosenberg asked shining a small pen light in Josh’s eyes.

“Yeah, a little,” Josh admitted. “Mostly when I go from sitting to standing.” He glanced up at Donna and saw her standing worriedly next to his gurney. “Donna, please lay down before you fall down too.” Without a word, Mike walked over to get Josh’s stool for Donna to sit on.

“I’m fine where I am,” she replied softly not moving an inch.

“Well, at least sit down,” Josh insisted as he saw Mike put the stool down behind her. He was pleased to see that she slowly complied.

“How about pain?” Dr. Rosenberg continued. “Do you have a headache?”

“Yeah, but it’s not too bad,” he said as he watched Donna sit down on the stool. “It’s more of mild, but continual, throbbing. It does get a little worse when I’m dizzy,” he told the doctor, then looked at Donna. “You do realize that the back of your hospital gown is open, right?” He said as the doctor gently began to feel around on his head for any lumps. “You’re giving everyone a free show.”

“I don’t care.”

“Well, I do and...OW!” he yelped as Dr. Rosenberg found the lump on the side of his head, just behind his ear.

“Yes, you have quite a bump there,” he turned to the nurse. “Let’s order a head CT and a full skull series.”

“No, you don’t need to do that,” Josh insisted. “I’m fine.”

Ignoring him, the nurse headed off to order the tests. “I think you only have a mild concussion, Mr. Lyman, but I need to be sure.”

“But...”

“He’ll have any tests you want,” Donna replied firmly. Her body had finally stopped shaking now that she was focused on Josh and not herself. Worrying about him was a great distraction to what had happened to her.

“We’re also going to want to keep you overnight for observation,” the doctor told him.

“No,” Josh said.

“Fine,” she said.

“Donna...!” he whined.

“You’re staying, Josh, so get over it.”

He folded his arms. “Fine, but I’m only staying overnight if you are.”

Donna pursed her lips for a moment. Well, at least they were going to be miserable together. She looked up at the doctor. “We’re going to need to share a room.”

Dr. Roseburg looked between the two of them. He’d quickly picked up on the fact that there was something going on between his two patients. “Well, we don’t normally have coed rooms...” he smiled. “But I think we can work something out.”

Mike jumped in at that point. “No one can know that she’s here,” he told the doctor. “I’ll need to have agents stationed outside their room.”

“Of course. Mr. Lyman, the nurse will be back to take you up to Radiology in just a moment.”

“I want to go with him,” Donna interjected.

“Donna,” Mike answered before the doctor had a chance to. “It would be better if we could get you settled and secured in a room.”

“I need to go with him, Mike,” she argued.

“We’ll have him brought up to the room just as soon as he gets done in Radiology,” the doctor promised.

Josh felt it was time to weigh in. “Could you guys give us a minute?” he said quietly.

“Of course,” Dr. Rosenberg said. “Mr. Casper, if you’ll just come with me to the nurses’ station we can see to the room arrangements.”

Mike nodded, but paused to talk to Josh and Donna before he followed the doctor. He felt the need to reassure both of them. “I’ve got more agents on the way and I’ll be right over there,” he said, pointing to the nurses’ station in the center of the room about 15 feet away. “You’ll both be in my line of sight at all times.”

“Thanks, Mike,” Josh said quietly as Mike turned and walked over to the doctor.

Before Josh even had time to say anything to her, Donna jumped in. “Josh...please, let me come with you,” she pleaded. 

He gave her a long look and saw just how frightened she was. Silently, he held out his hand to her and she took it in both of hers. It was a little awkward since she had a metal and plastic splint on her broken pinkie.

“Donna,” he said gently. “Stop looking at me like they just said I’ve only got one week to live. I’m fine. I just bumped my head.”

Huge tears welled in her eyes. “Yes, but...” she tried to swallow the emotion threatening to swamp her. “...you were there, for me...to save me and you...you got hurt.”

Since he was afraid of squeezing her hand, he rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand instead. “Come on, Donna, I don’t deserve you worrying about me like this.”

“What do you mean?’ she asked with a confused little frown.

“I mean...I...” He rubbed his free hand over his face. “While you were in there with that lunatic, I was out in the living room fending off your ferocious sofa table.” He let out a breath and stared up at the ceiling. “It’s a good thing you didn’t have to depend on me to save you.”

Suddenly her face filled his vision as she stood up and looked down at him. “Stop it, Josh.” Although she continued to hold his hand in her injured one, she laid her other one on his cheek. “You were there, Josh, that’s what matters to me. You came for me.” Her eyes stared into his. “I should have known you would.”

Her unwavering faith in him made Josh feel both immensely touched and terribly unworthy. “All I could think of was getting there...” he said staring back at her. “...had to be sure you were...okay.” Delicately, he tucked a piece of hair back from her bruised face and tucked it behind her ear. “I’m sorry I was a little late.”

“I’m okay, Josh,” she said quietly trying to reassure him.

He let out a breath. “And I’d like you to stay that way,” he told her. “So I’m going to need you to go with Mike while they take me to get my picture taken.”

Disappointment colored her face. “But Josh...”

“Please, Donna, go with Mike. I’m asking you, not telling you. Do it...for me.”

What he was asking went against everything screaming inside her, but when he’d asked so nicely, she could hardly refuse him. No matter how much it terrified her. “All right.”

**********

When a nurse finally wheeled him past the two dark-suited FBI agents Mike had stationed at the door to the hospital room, Josh frowned when he saw Donna.

Facing away from him, she was lying curled up in a ball on the bed farthest from the door and he assumed she was asleep. She was still only dressed in the hospital gown they’d put her in down in the ER. Seeing her like that gave him the oddest, almost overwhelming feeling of tenderness towards her.

He tried to move as quietly as possible while the nurse helped him get settled into bed, hoping he wouldn’t disturb her. Josh lay in bed for a full 30 seconds after the nurse had left, before he got up and went over to Donna. Lucky for him, his dizziness and throbbing headache had started to ease and it wasn’t too tricky for him to get over to her.

It wasn’t exactly warm in the room and he thought the fact that she was probably freezing was why she was all curled up. She’d kicked most of the covers down by her feet, so he carefully lifted them back over her. Wanting to be sure the front of her was completely covered as well, he walked around in front of her...and made a disturbing discovery.

Donna was not asleep. She was crying. He hadn’t heard her because she wasn’t sobbing. This time her tears were copious, but silent. 

“Sorry,” she mumbled as she tried to ineffectively wipe them away with her uninjured hand.

Tenderly, he brushed a strand of her hair back. He kept his own face neutral as he studied hers again. Although it was a little hard to see in the room’s low light, in some ways, her face looked better and in others it looked worse. There wasn’t as much puffiness in her lip or her cheeks, but the bruises were darker and more plentiful. The tears that covered her face didn’t help either.

“Donna, what’s wrong?” he asked her gently.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” she said still trying to swipe at her tears.

He cocked his head. “If you’re fine, why are you crying?”

“You weren’t...I didn’t want you to...” She sighed. “I wanted to hide it from you,” she finally admitted.

“Why?”

“Well, I...” she sniffed as a new round of tears started. “You already got hurt because of me, I didn’t want you to have to deal with my blubbering too.”

“Donna...” he chided. “I don’t want you to hide things from me.” He paused. “I hid things and all it got me was Stanley Keyworth on speed dial. I don’t want that for you.”

“You couldn’t hide it from me, you know,” she said softly.

“And if you think I don’t know that and don’t remember that, you couldn’t be more wrong,” He watched her for a moment. “I’d like the chance to do the same for you.”

She nodded. “Okay, but do you think that you could start by acting as a hot water bottle?” she asked shyly with a little sniff. “I’m really cold.”

He smiled down at her. “I think I can handle that,” he told her as he slid into bed with her.

After tugging the covers up over them, he gently slid his arms around her torso so he didn’t put any pressure on her shoulder. Her body uncurled from the ball it was in to stretch out beside him. She really did feel a little cold and so, being careful of her hand that was cradled between them, he pulled her a little closer. “No more hiding things, Donna.”

There was a long pause and Josh could almost hear the wheels turning in her head. “I promise,” she finally said.

“Good,” he said giving her gentle little hug. “Now, why were you crying?”

“I’m not exactly sure, it just sort of...started and wouldn’t stop,” she admitted. “I guess it was like after Amy died. Just being scared and emotional after what happened.” She swallowed. “That was part of the reason I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want it to be Donna-cries-all-over-Josh, part 2.”

“Donna, no one deserves to have a good cry more than you,” he told her as he ran his hand gently over her back in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. “And you can cry on me anytime, whether it’s part 1, 2 or 500.” He smiled against her hair. “Although I’m going to do all I can to try and keep it to just part 2.” 

“Thanks,” she replied softly.

They laid there quietly for a few moments. “What did the tests say about your head?” Donna finally asked.

“I have a mild concussion,” he told her. “They’re going to come in and check me every hour or two, but I’ll be able to go home in the morning.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“A little,” he admitted. “They gave me some Tylenol and it’s helping.”

“Yeah, they gave me something for my hand and my shoulder, too,” she told him.

“Did it help?” he asked.

“Yeah, but it’s making me feel a little groggy.” She let out a little sigh. “We’re quite the pair aren’t we? You with your concussion and me with my broken finger and bruised face and shoulder.”

Josh heard her try and chuckle a little, but it came out sounding a little wet and he suspected that she was crying again. “Yeah, I guess we are,” he replied continuing to stroke her back. “But we’re still alive and kicking and that’s what’s important.”

Another long, but comfortable silence fell between them and this time Josh was the one who had the wheels turning in his head.

“Donna, I need to talk to you about tomorrow,” he said, finally working up the courage to bring it up. 

“What about it?” she said, even though she knew perfectly well what he was talking about.

“I know you don’t want to think about it, I don’t either,” he began. “...but you’re going to have to go with Mike tomorrow and let him put you in protective custody. There’s no choice now.”

“But...I don’t want to be away from...away for that long,” she said just managing to catch herself from saying she didn’t want to be away from ‘him’ that long.

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think it was for the best,” he told her. “As much as I want you with me, I know that Mike can keep you safer than I can and ultimately that’s what’s important.” 

“Josh, it could be months and months before McTierney or Amy’s killer are brought to trial,” Donna pointed out.

“I know.” He hated the idea of her being gone that long. “You know I’d come with you if I could, right?”

“Yes, I know,” she said a little sadly. “But how will you get along without me?”

“I won’t,” he said simply.

New tears welled in her eyes and she pressed her battered face a little deeper into his chest. While his words had touched her deeply she felt like her heart was breaking over what he was asking her to do. “I’ll do it,” she said. “I’ll go with Mike tomorrow, but Josh...”

“Yeah?” 

“I won’t get along without you either.”

**********

At 6 am, Mike showed back up at the hospital. He’d gotten a couple of hours of sleep, filled out some paper work, made the arrangements for Donna’s protection, and was now planning on talking to Donna about what her life would be like for the next few months.

Nodding to the agents, he opened the door to Josh and Donna’s hospital room. As he took in the scene, he didn’t even consider talking, not just then, anyway.

They were both snuggled together in one bed, Josh’s arms protectively around Donna, her face buried in his shoulder, his cheek pressed against the top of her head. It was a very intimate scene. 

How two people who were so crazy about each other could be so blind, completely eluded him. He just hoped that they’d both be around to have the time to figure it out.

Backing out of the room, Mike decided to go down to the cafeteria and get some breakfast.

He’d give them a couple more hours together before he had to tear them apart.


	6. Chances

Chapter 6

It was shortly before 8 when Josh finally awoke. His head was still throbbing a bit and the lump on his head was still there, but it was smaller and only hurt when he ran his hand over it.

Looking down, he saw Donna was still asleep and tucked tightly up against him.

‘Now there’s a sight I wouldn’t mind waking up to for the next 40 or 50 years,’ he thought. ‘Well, all except for the bruises,’ he added a little sadly.

In the morning sunlight he saw that a piece of hair had fallen across her face and unable to stop himself, he brought his finger to her cheek and brushed it back gently. Rather than dropping his hand back down, he traced his finger ever so softly over her jaw line as he tried to etch the memory of her face in her mind. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how much he was going to miss her.

It was right in the middle of that thought that Toby entered the room and Josh snatched his hand away quicker than a 5 year old who’d been caught making a play for the cookie jar. As Toby stood there with a slightly questioning and somewhat bemused look on his face, Josh tried to disentangle himself from Donna enough that he could get out of bed without waking her up. It took a few minutes but he finally managed it and he shuffled over to Toby.

“Hey,” he said as more of a grunt than a word.

Toby decided that he’d refrain from commenting on the somewhat ‘intimate’ position Josh and Donna had been in. “Hey, I got everything you asked for,” he said setting his briefcase and a plastic grocery bag on the empty hospital bed.

“The money, too?”

“Yeah, it was short notice but I managed to pull it together.”

“Good. Did you have any trouble with the agents? I told Mike to tell them to let you in.”

“No, I had to show my ID, but then they let me right in.”

“Okay, just give me a minute. I gotta, you know...” he said cocking his head toward the bathroom. “I’ll be right back.” Grabbing his clothes out of the little wardrobe, Josh went into the bathroom and closed the door.

Toby pulled the two envelopes containing the things Josh had asked for out of his briefcase and laid them on the bed. Just then he heard Donna stirring in the other bed. 

“Josh...?” she mumbled softly.

“He’s in the bathroom,” he told her.

Hearing his voice, she turned over, and pulled the sheet up a little higher over her hospital gown. “Toby?” 

Luckily Josh had told him what to expect so Toby managed to hide his anger and sorrow at seeing her face peppered with bruises. “Yeah. ‘Morning.”

She yawned a little and tried to shake off the dregs of sleep. “What are you doing here?”

“Josh called me last night and asked me to bring him some things this morning.”

Sitting up, she looked around. “Where is Josh?” she asked, forgetting he’d already told her the answer.

“He’s in the bathroom,” Toby repeated. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Okay...sore, I guess.” She paused. “Did Josh tell you what happened?”

Toby slid his hand in his pocket. “Yeah, he did. I’m glad that’s you’re okay.”

At that point, ‘okay’ wasn’t quite how she felt, but she appreciated what he was saying. “Thanks.”

Just then Josh emerged from the bathroom, dressed in his pants and his untucked shirt and saw she was awake. “You’re up. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No, I...” She was going to say she’d woken up because she’d missed his presence, but she stopped herself. “...No,” she said with a little shake of her head.

Mike entered the room about that time. “Hi guys, how are you two feeling this morning?”

“Well, except for a little headache, I’m fine,” Josh told him. The three men looked at Donna.

“Fine,” she said trying to sound convincing.

“What’s all this?” Mike asked about the items Toby had laid on the bed.

“Some stuff I asked Toby to bring over for Donna.”

“For me?” she asked sitting on the edge of the bed. “What stuff?”

“A change of clothes for you from my apartment,” he said, handing her the plastic bag. “I figured you wouldn’t want to wear what you had on last night.”

“Oh, right,” she replied. She’d been so tired last night it hadn’t even occurred to her that she wouldn’t want to wear the clothes she’d worn during the attack so she basically had nothing to wear out of the hospital. “Thanks.”

“I also brought you a little money,” he said fingering a small white envelope. “Just in case you need it.”

“She won’t need money, Josh,” Mike replied. “We’ll provide her with everything she needs.”

“I know, but what does it hurt, Mike? It’s cash, it’s untraceable.” Josh had to feel like he was sending her off with something more than just good wishes. 

Mike couldn’t really see any harm in it so he shrugged. “Okay.”

“What’s in the other envelope?” she asked.

“Papers for you to sign,” Toby said.

Donna frowned. “What kind of papers?” 

“Well, when I was talking to Josh last night, it occurred to me that you’d need to have someone to take care of your affairs while you’re gone,” Toby explained. “So I had some papers drawn up to give Josh your power of attorney.”

“Yeah, Toby and I figured you wouldn’t want to keep paying rent on your apartment when you’re not going to be there so I’ll give the landlord your notice and see to it that everything is packed up and put into storage,” Josh added.

None of that had even occurred to her. “Oh, that’s a good idea,” she said, feeling grateful but a little overwhelmed. It felt like her life was suddenly rushing past her at 180 miles an hour.

“Donna, I hate to rush, but we should get going,” Mike told her.

She felt her heart sink at the idea of leaving. “Right,” she said trying to sound like it was okay.

“What about breakfast?” Josh put in, wanting to prolong his time with her as much as possible. “She needs to eat.”

“I got some stuff in the cafeteria for her to eat in the car,” Mike replied.

“But...”

“Josh...” Donna said quietly. “It’s okay. I...you know I don’t eat that much for breakfast,” Donna said quietly. “I’m just going to change and then I’ll sign...whatever you want me to sign.” Slipping into the bathroom, she closed the door.

“Mike,” Josh hissed in a whisper. “This is hard enough on her, can’t you see she needs a little time to get used to the idea of leaving?”

Mike kept his voice down so she wouldn’t hear them. “I know, Josh, and I’m sorry, but for her own safety we need to leave sooner rather than later. Every minute she’s here and not in a safe house is a minute that she’s in danger.”

“But...” Josh began, then stopped when he was unable to think of a reply.

“Josh, I know that Donna’s not the only one who needs to get used to the idea of her leaving,” Mike said pointedly. Then he softened his tone. “But you have to let me do my job. You have to let me protect her now, Josh.”

Josh glanced at Toby, who’d remained silent throughout the exchange, then back at Mike. “Promise me, Mike...promise me you’ll take care of her. I can’t protect her...she...I need to know that she’s going to be okay.”

“I promise you, Josh, I’m going to do everything in my power to keep her safe.”

Josh seemed to deflate a bit and he sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh. “Okay.”

A few minutes later Donna emerged wearing a pair of jeans, tennis shoes and Josh’s old Harvard sweatshirt. “Where’s the stuff I need to sign?” she asked deciding she just needed to get it over with. If they dragged it out too long she would never be able to hang onto her nerve to leave.

“Right here,” Toby said handing her a pen. He’d laid the three papers out on the bed table for her and he briefly explained each of them as she signed them.

“And these are your discharge papers,” Mike said, slipping another sheet of paper onto the table in front of her. “The doctor already signed you out, so you just need to sign too and you’ll be free to go.” Without a word, Donna quickly scrawled her name where he indicated.

There was an awkward little silence that bloomed in the room as each of them seemed to be waiting for one of the others to say something first. Josh was the one that finally spoke. “Oh, don’t forget your purse.” He walked over to the wardrobe, pulled it out from under the pile of her clothes from the night before and walked back over to her. “Here you go,” he said, handing it to her.

“Thanks,” she said softly as she slid the strap on her uninjured shoulder. She kept her gaze lowered, afraid that if she looked at him, the tears would start. But she couldn’t stop herself from hugging him. Not caring that it made her sore shoulder twinge, she looped her arms around his neck. “I’m going to miss you,” she whispered burying her face in his neck as she felt his arms go around her waist to pull her tightly against him. The two of them hugged fiercely, as if they would never let go. “Take care of yourself and don’t forget to eat some vegetables once in a while,” she instructed.

“I will, I promise. You be safe and do whatever Mike and the agents tell you.” He paused and took one last smell of her hair. “I’ll miss you too.”

“Come on, Donna,” Mike said gently. “We have to go.”

“Right,” she said as they pulled apart. “Goodbye, Toby. Take care of this guy for me, okay?”

Toby took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Well, without you around to control him, I can’t guarantee I won’t strangle him, but I’ll do my best.”

“Thanks,” she said with a little laugh, even though inside, her heart was breaking.

Mike walked to the door first and opened it. She followed, but paused in the doorway and turned back to look at Josh. “Bye,” she said softly.

“Bye.”

And then she was gone.

***********

Donna stared out the passenger window watching the scenery roll by as they drove. It was green here, green and largely rural. They’d been driving all morning and the farther they’d gotten from Josh and D.C., the more withdrawn she’d become. After all, without Josh to put on a brave face for, what did it matter?

Josh…

Donna gave a mental sigh. Saying goodbye to him that morning, especially when she had no idea when she’d be seeing him again, had been one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do. 

“You doing okay, Donna?” Mike asked beside her from the driver’s seat. It was just the two of them in the car, with an unmarked trailing car behind them.

“I’m fine, Mike,” she answered quietly not looking away from the window.

“I really am sorry about this,” he told her. “If I thought there was any other way…”

“I know,” she said almost absently. “It’s not your fault.” 

A loud silence fell between them. Mike didn’t usually mind silences, in fact he was more the man-of-few-words type, but with her it felt oddly uncomfortable. He’d managed to keep silent through most of their 4 hour drive, but the quiet was even beginning to get to him.

“My driving isn’t making you car sick or anything is it?” he inquired.

“No, I’m fine.”

She kept saying that, but Mike had a feeling she wasn’t fine and he suddenly wished Josh was there. The two of them had such a connection and when Josh was around, Donna seemed to find her center. Josh also seemed to have a good barometer of just how ‘fine’ she really was.

Another long silence formed in the car. “We’re almost there. I think you’ll like the agents I’ve assigned to your 12 person team. There are 6 women and 6 men in rotating teams of 4,” he explained. “Of course, you won’t meet them all at once. They’ll be taking shifts to stay with you. Each 24-hour shift will consist of 2 people staying with you at the house, while the other two stay across the street in the secondary house. A fresh 4 person team rotates in once a week.”

Donna had tuned him out about the time he’d said, ‘we’re almost there.’ It wasn’t that she was being mean or ungrateful. Mostly she was just tired and couldn’t seem to work up enough interest in whatever he was saying to care. She knew Mike and the FBI would do everything they could to keep her safe. 

It didn’t take Mike very long to figure out she wasn’t listening. He didn’t take any offense. He knew that she was probably still feeling pretty numb and overwhelmed from all she’d been through. So rather than beating the dead horse of starting up a conversation with her, he switched on the radio.

10 minutes later, they drove through a small town called Perryville. Just another in the series of small towns they’d driven through, it boasted a Wal-Mart, a Post Office, a diner, a bar, a gas station, and a library, all on the main street through town. After following a windy road through the woods for about 5 miles, Mike turned at a sign marked “Green Lake” and drove down a narrow country lane until they came to a small lake that was surrounded by more thick woods interspersed with modest cottages. 

“This is Green Lake,” Mike told her as he turned and started to follow the lake shore. “Most of these cottages are summer homes for people, but there are a few full-time residents, most are retirees. The place we’ve lined up is at the end of the road and surrounded largely by woods.”

“It’s pretty here,” Donna commented. She guessed if she had to be under house arrest it was a nice place to do it in.

Mike had expected to be greeted with silence or at most an “it’s fine,” so he was happy to see that Donna was apparently in there somewhere. “Yeah, it’s nice,” he said with a hopeful little smile.

It didn’t take long for them to reach Donna’s new home for the foreseeable future. This single-story cottage was one of the bigger ones that Donna had seen around the lake and it was really more of a house than a cottage. It was white with blue clapboard shutters and if Donna had been there under different circumstances she would have thought it a lovely place to spend a vacation. 

Mike pulled the car into a driveway next to the house and turned off the engine. The trailing car pulled up next to them and two agents got out and went around to the front of the house. “Well, shall we go inside so I can give you the grand tour?”

Donna nodded and the two of them got out of the car and walked around to the front door. She tried not to feel nervous at the fact that there were four people standing in front of the house waiting for them.

“Donna Moss,” Mike began. 

”Please call me, Donna,” she told all of them.

“They can’t,” Mike told her after a moment. “It’s against procedure.”

“Oh,” Donna said, not knowing quite how else to respond. 

“These are the four agents that will comprise the first part of your detail. They are Special Agents Todd Gorman, Brianna Weber, Jeff Patterson and Monica Reyes.” 

As she shook their hands, Donna thought the agents all looked very capable, but she frowned when she realized that there was something very familiar about Agent Reyes.

“Is something wrong, Miss Moss?” she asked.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” Donna replied. “You just look very familiar to me, Agent Reyes. Have we met before?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

Then it dawned on her. “Wait, I know...has anyone ever told you that you look remarkably like President and Mrs. Bartlet’s oldest daughter, Elizabeth?”

Agent Reyes smiled. “No, I think I would have remembered if someone had told me that.”

“Well, trust me, you do.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she replied with a bemused smile.

Mike broke in. “Guys, could you wait out here while I show Miss Moss around?” He hoped that if he showed her around personally, it might put her a little more at ease. 

All four agents nodded and Mike took Donna inside. The house was warm and welcoming, and looked as much like a vacation home on the inside as on the outside. There were two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a spacious living area and a top notch kitchen.

“This is going to be your room,” Mike told her as they followed the hallway back to the bedrooms that faced the lake. 

“All this...for me?” she asked. It was about twice as big as the bedroom in her old apartment. A king sized bed filled the center of the room but there was also a small sitting area that included an over stuffed chair and a small writing desk.

“Well, I figured giving you the biggest bedroom was the least we could do since we’re going to keep you locked up here. It also has its own bathroom so you’ll have a little privacy,” he said indicating another door that opened off one side of the room.

Donna peeked inside and almost smiled when she saw the claw foot tub that could also be used as a shower. Yes, under different circumstances she’d be thrilled to stay here. As it was, it felt like a gilded cage. 

“Nice,” she told Mike, knowing he was trying to make things as good as possible for her. “Wait? That doesn’t mean that the other agents have to share a bedroom does it?”

Mike smiled. “No, one agent will need to be awake at all times,” he explained. “So the one sleeping gets the other bedroom and the one staying awake gets...coffee,” he said, trying to make a joke. 

The humor was largely lost on Donna. “Oh, I see,” she said stopping to look out each of the three windows in the room. 

The two windows flanking the bed looked out onto a wide veranda and the lake beyond. The third, near the sitting area, looked toward the woods at the side of the house.

“Those windows have special shades on them that let light in and let you see out, but won’t let anyone see inside, even at night,” Mike told her. Donna nodded silently as she looked out the window.

“And this is your closet,” he told her pulling open the door. “As promised, we’ve given you some basic clothes and shoes,” he said. “You’ll find some toiletries in the bathroom, too. Just let the agents know if you need anything else.”

“How did you know my sizes?” she asked with a frown.

He grinned. “You’d be surprised what information the FBI can get.”

Donna wanted to smile back, but she was too tired. “Oh, right,” she said listlessly.

“There’s something else I’d like to show you,” Mike said. “This closet has a very special feature I’d like to show you.”

Reaching into the end of the closet that was empty of clothes, he felt along the back corner and pressed something. Donna blinked in surprise as a door opened. 

Mike could see she was a little apprehensive but interested. “Come over here and take a look.”

Tentatively, she stepped into the closet and looked inside what turned out to be a small room. Well, calling it a ‘room’ was being extremely generous. It was more accurately, a ‘space.’ It was just about as tall and as deep as a bookcase. If two people were thin enough and friendly enough, they could stand up in it side-by-side. The walls were plain white and it made Donna claustrophobic just looking at it.

“I know it’s not very big,” he said, apparently reading her mind. “But if we’d made it much bigger it would have been too obvious that there was some missing space in the closet.” He began to show her the fixtures on the inside of the door.

“There’s a handle to pull the door closed and this small button is what you push to open it on your own from the inside. You’ll also be happy to know it’s lined with steel so that not only is it bullet proof, but when it’s closed, if anyone is knocking on the wall to find a hidey hole, it’s designed to sound solid just like the rest of the wall. Because there’s an air vent it’s not sound proof, but at least you won’t have to worry about suffocating.” 

‘There’s a cheery thought,’ Donna remarked silently.

She took one more look inside, then wanting to put some space between herself and the ‘room’, she stepped back. “Do you really think that something like this will be necessary?”

“Not if we do our jobs right,” he said with a smile as he closed the safe room door. “It’s just a precaution. A part of your protection that you can control. One I’m sure you won’t need, but if you do, it’s there.” He paused, not knowing if he should add the next part. “After all, I promised Josh that I’d pull out all the stops to protect you.”

Donna’s heart clenched at that. Even when Josh wasn’t there with her, he was trying to protect her. It made her miss him all the more.

“So anyway...” Mike continued. “...we’re going to do everything we can to keep you safe.”

“Lucky me,” Donna said softly before she could stop herself.

Mike’s face went from slightly proud to carefully neutral in a heartbeat and even after all she’d been through, Donna was ashamed of how she was acting.

“I’m sorry, Mike,” she said dropping down on the bed and burying her face in her hands for a moment, not caring that it made the still healing bruises on her face twinge. “That was mean and thoughtless of me.” She looked up at him. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just...the house is wonderful and you’ve gone out of your way to see that I’m comfortable. Not to mention your agents putting themselves out to protect me and I really do appreciate it, I swear.”

Letting out a breath, his expression softened and showed a great deal of sympathy. “It’s okay, Donna, don’t worry about it. I know you’ve had a rough couple of days and having to stay locked away like this can’t be helping.”

“Yeah,” she said.

“Oh, one more thing. We need to keep communications from here to the outside world to a minimum, so no regular phones and no internet. We can’t take the chance that something will be intercepted or that someone is listening and could figure out where you are from something innocent you might say,” he told her. “The agents have secure phones to check-in with the Bureau and for emergencies but any other communications you want to make will need to be done in a letter. The agents will screen them for any comments that might lead someone back here and then they’ll forward them to me for mailing. Okay?”

“Sure, okay,” Donna said with a tired little shrug that was interrupted by a rather large yawn. 

Mike knew she needed some space and a chance to get acclimated. “Look, you’ve had a long morning and I’ve got to get back to D.C., so why don’t you try and take a nap?”

“You know, I am kind of tired from the drive,” she replied. “I think I will.”

Mike nodded and gave her a little smile. “I’ll tell the agents to keep it down so you can get some rest.”

“Thanks again for everything, Mike,” she said scooting back on the bed a little farther as Mike turned and left the room, closing the door behind him. Settling herself on the bed, she was asleep within a few minutes.

**********

On the afternoon of the sixth day at the cottage by the lake, Donna was enjoying one of the few freedoms the agents granted her outside, and that was sitting on the wide veranda in one of the old weathered rocking chairs, looking out over the water. Because it was still the off season for fishing and water sports on the lake and the two cottages were somewhat isolated from the others, there was basically no one around but the ducks swimming and the occasional fish jumping out of the lake. Being outside like this and reading something from the extensive collection of books that filled the wooden shelves in the living room, seemed to be the only two things that sparked any interest in her at all. 

However, she wasn’t allowed to be out there by herself. One of the agents had to be with her at all times. That day, Agent Reyes had volunteered to stay with her and even though Donna had brought out ‘Jane Eyre’ to read, at the moment she was more interested in watching the lake.

Although Donna had done her best to not think about missing Josh, she found herself wondering if he’d like the lake. She didn’t think he was much for fishing, not enough patience she supposed, but she wondered if he wouldn’t take her to Hawaii, then maybe, someday, she could get him to take a vacation here, maybe at the end of President Bartlet’s second term and he’d let her tag along. She could picture them walking around the lake or playing cards late into the night.

Before she even knew what had hit her, she was crying. Not loudly, but quiet little sobs accompanied by copious amounts of tears. She buried her face in her hands and wished with everything she had in her that Josh would somehow manage to pick that moment to show up. Of course, Josh, through no fault of his own, wasn’t coming. He didn’t even know where she was.

Agent Reyes, who had been scanning the lake and the grounds for any sign of movement or anything unusual and getting occasional reports on her earpiece, paused and looked over at Donna. She recognized the sound of those tears. They were the sound of abject loneliness and she recognized them because she’d cried them herself a year earlier. The problem was now Agent Reyes didn’t quite know how to proceed. Her training would tell her to leave her be and stick to scanning the perimeter, but as a human being who didn’t like seeing someone else alone and in pain, she felt compelled to do something. If she didn’t, she worried this woman wouldn’t make it to the trial. She’d die of sheer sadness long before then.

Donna didn’t hear Agent Reyes get up and walk to the screen door and get Agent Patterson to bring her a box of tissues. When he heard Donna crying he asked if she was all right and Agent Reyes said she’d take care of her. Agent Patterson, being a man and not overly comfortable with women and tears, was content to let her handle it, but told her to let him know if they needed anything.

Agent Reyes, sat down next to her and put the box of tissue gently in Donna’s lap. She startled slightly, as if she’d forgotten she wasn’t alone.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Agent Reyes,” she said wetly, reaching over to pull a tissue from the box that she offered and tried to mop up the worst of the tears from her face. “I didn’t mean to have a meltdown or anything.”

“Actually, I was kind of expecting it.” At Donna’s curious frown, she explained. “Agent Casper gave us a brief report on your case. You’ve been through a lot. What’s more, you hardly eat and you rarely sleep,” she pointed out, not unkindly. “Eventually it had to catch up with you.”

Donna blew her nose. “So are you the FBI psychologist?” she asked with a little wet laugh.

Agent Reyes glanced away to scan the area again and smiled. “Well, kind of, but not in the way you’re probably thinking. I’m not here to evaluate you or be your therapist or make sure you’re in top mental health or anything. However, when you’re in the FBI, a certain level of psychology and understanding of human nature is a must.” She paused and looked back at Donna. “And I’m a really good listener.”

Donna dabbed at her eyes. “I don’t really have much to say.”

“I sort of noticed that, you’ve been pretty quiet the last few days,” Agent Reyes said with a disarming smile.

Donna didn’t know why she found herself wanting to talk to this woman, someone who was basically no more than an acquaintance to her, but she did. Maybe it was like that old saying, sometimes it was easier to talk to a stranger. Or maybe it could be simply that there was no one else to talk to...

“Did you ever have so much going on inside that it was nearly impossible to sort any of it out? You try to think of everything and you end up being able to think of nothing?” Agent Reyes nodded but remained quiet. “That’s what I’ve been feeling since I got here. The only thing that seems to slip through...” her voice trailed off.

“What slips through?” Agent Reyes asked gently as she got to her feet and walked to the edge of the porch to do another visual sweep of the area.

Donna followed her movements for a long moment. “I work with someone and he...he’s very important to me. We’re...best friends. In fact, I couldn’t have gotten through the days before I came here without him.”

She turned and looked back at Donna. “And being away from him for the foreseeable future is hard?”

Donna nodded. “But it’s more than that, he...I...it’s very complicated.” She gave a little sigh. “My mind just keeps thinking about what could have been and what could be and wondering if I’m going to make it out of this alive so maybe I’ll work up the nerve to tell him how I feel.”

Rather than the pat answer or well-meaning but empty platitude Donna was expecting, Agent Reyes was silent and for a moment there was something...extraordinarily sad in her eyes.

“Agent Reyes?” Donna said softly.

“There was a man, another agent...we were partners,” she began haltingly. “He was killed in the line of duty last year.”

Donna rose and walked over to stand by her at the edge of the porch. “I’m so sorry.”

“I...I had feelings for him. I didn’t realize just how deep they were until he was gone.” Tears swam in her hazel eyes, but didn’t fall. “Sorry...I’ve never told anyone...” she admitted.

“I understand,” Donna replied as they both stood looking out over the lake. “I’ve never told anyone either.”

“You should tell him, Miss Moss,” Agent Reyes said. “While there’s still time.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Donna said with renewed tears in her eyes as she walked back over to the chair and sat down. “I think he has feelings for me too, but...I’m not...like I said, it’s complicated.” Donna leaned back in the chair and let out a breath. “Besides, how can I? I’m stuck here for at least the next six months. I can’t really talk to him and he can’t talk to me. With my luck he’ll find someone else while I’m gone.”

Agent Reyes thought about it for a moment. “Why don’t you write him a letter? I mean one of us would have to read it first, but Agent Casper would give it to him. At least then you would have told him.” She turned away to scan the perimeter again. 

Donna considered that. On the one hand, telling him in a letter kind of seemed like the coward’s way out, on the other, maybe it would be better that way. Not only would it give her a chance to get things down on paper in a clear and orderly fashion, but Josh could read it without having to respond or feeling pressured into an answer.

“I’ll think about it,” Donna finally said.

“Good,” Agent Reyes replied. “Now, you know what I like after a good cry?”

“What?”

“Ice cream.”

“Ice cream’s good,” Donna said.

Agent Reyes smiled. “Ah, a woman after my own heart.”

**********

It was about 8 o’clock that night when Donna stepped out of the hot bath that had failed to relax her much at all. Drying off, she slipped into a new long terrycloth robe she’d found in the closet and emptied the tub. After hanging the towels up to dry, she walked over to the sink and began slowly working a comb through her wet hair.

‘I look old,’ she thought as she studied herself in the bathroom mirror. Some of the lines on her face could be attributed to the bruises and the trauma of the last week, but there were others she knew that had come from too much stress and too many late nights during her time in the White House.

It’s funny how having your life threatened and being in protective custody could make you re-evaluate things. Maybe it was the fact that she had so much time on her hands. Time that was usually filled with work and a life rushing by at warp speed, was now decidedly empty. 

She was 32 years old, unmarried, childless, without a college degree and now she had been forced to put her life completely on hold for God knew how long so she could testify against the man who was trying to kill her.

‘What the hell am I doing?’ she asked herself. ‘And where will I BE going when all this was over?’

For a while now she’d been trying to tell Josh that she wanted more from her job, but his life rushed by even faster than hers did and she was pretty sure he had no idea just how serious she was about it. On the other hand, she knew that she couldn’t force his hand by quitting or requesting a transfer because he would see it as her abandoning him and he never took abandonment well. For him it was betrayal in its purest form. And how could she do that to him now, after all he’d done for her in the last week? Talk about being ungrateful.

She sighed. And how did she tell him that her job wasn’t the only thing she wanted more from? Her relationship with him had been stuck in a definite rut and as long as she worked for him, she suspected that would never change. Maybe now would be a good time to write him that letter Agent Reyes had suggested.

‘What the hell…?!’ her mind exclaimed as the bathroom was suddenly plunged into darkness.

Opening the bathroom door she saw that it wasn’t just the bathroom that was dark, but her room, the hall outside and presumably, the whole house. She wondered for a moment if this was a simple power failure or even another one of the agent’s drills, but they’d never turned the lights off or had a drill at night before.

With her heart and her mind struggling to decide if they should panic or not, Donna opened her mouth to call out to Agents Reyes and Patterson. The sound never made it out of her mouth as she heard first a crash and then a gunshot somewhere in the house. She remembered then that Agent Reyes had told her if it was a drill or a false alarm she’d come get Donna or at least call out to her so she would know. The time to worry, she’d said, was when she didn’t call. If that happened it would be because she was injured or she was trying not to give away her location.

Panic and adrenaline rushed through Donna in an instant. Her feet were moving before her brain even registered it. Being out in the country like they were, the black was so thick it was oppressive and she prayed she didn’t trip over something and give herself away. As she made her way through the dark bedroom to the closet, she heard more gunshots and more noises and she tried not to think about the fact that one of the noises sounded like a body falling. 

After what seemed like an eternity, she reached the closet and slipped inside the open door. Trying to remember what Mike and the agents had told her and what she’d practiced, she silently ran her hands along the back wall until she came to the hidden latch. Flicking it open, she sensed, rather than saw the hidden door spring open. 

Stepping inside the space, she used the small inner handle to pull the door closed and she felt it latch without a sound. Although it was quieter inside, through the air vent Donna could still hear most of what was going on in the living room and somewhat in the rest of the house, including what she was sure were more gunshots. What was almost deafening in the confined space was her own breathing. 

‘Quiet, you have to be quiet,’ she told herself, figuring that hearing things through the vent probably went both ways. “He’ll hear you if you’re not quiet.’

Even though she’d been in the space before, now, in the dark and under the stress of what was going on, it felt even smaller. She could almost imagine the walls themselves pressing in on her. Fear had made her knees weak and she wanted to slide down to the floor, but the space was really only deep enough to stand up in so she pressed herself harder against the wall and tried to use it for support as much as possible. Even with the obvious vent it was hard not to feel like she was using up her oxygen and was about ready to suffocate.

“Quiet, you have to be quiet,’ her mind kept chanting over and over again in rhythm with her racing heart beat. ‘Quiet, quiet…must be quiet.’

And then, in the darkness, she blinked…a silence had fallen. A silence scarier than the rush of noise had been. Despite the fact that it was warm and stuffy in the confined space, a coldness seemed to run through her body and the metallic taste of adrenaline filled her mouth. 

To her surprise, the lights came on again. Or at least that’s what Donna assumed had sent the ever so dim shaft of light through the vent. She heard one or more people moving around and making a lot of noise. It sounded like they were tearing the place apart.

“Where is she?” a voice asked, breaking the silence. Donna recognized the voice as belonging to Amy’s killer and the same man who had attacked her a few nights ago. The sounds of searching continued, so she assumed that this time he hadn’t come alone. In fact, from the number of directions that the sounds were coming from, it sounded like he may have brought more than one friend.

“She’s gone,” Donna heard Agent Reyes say.

There was a thud, and she was pretty sure she heard Agent Reyes give a little cry. “Let’s try again. Where is she?”

“She’s not here!” Agent Reyes insisted. 

Donna flinched hard as she heard a gunshot and Agent Reyes screamed.

“A gunshot to the knee is quite painful, isn’t it?” he said over the sound of Agent Reyes’ soft crying. “Not to mention the fact that you’ll likely be crippled for the rest of your life.” 

“Give me my gun back and I’ll give you a little first hand empirical knowledge,” Agent Reyes said through what sounded like gritted teeth.

Donna heard him chuckle. “I appreciate the offer Agent Reyes, but I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.” There was a little pause. “Now, answer my question.”

Donna’s hands shook with wanting to open the door and give herself up to make him stop hurting Agent Reyes. However, in her heart she knew that doing so would mean that they’d both end up dead and that Agent Reyes’ and presumably the other three agents sacrifices would be in vain.

As if fate had decided to give her a shot of fear to keep her in the room, a sudden banging came either on or right near the hidden door. 

‘Have they found me?’ she wondered pressing herself harder against the wall. 

The banging continued, but it was moving around so she figured whoever it was didn’t actually know she was there. She silently thanked Mike and the person who’d built this space for insulating it so it didn’t sound any different than the rest of the wall. When the banging finally stopped and more crashing could be heard moving to other parts of the house, Donna let out a breath.

“WHERE…IS…SHE?” He wasn’t yelling, but his voice was the very image of loud and forceful. “Agent Reyes, I grow very tired of asking. Maybe you’ll be more cooperative if I stand on your injured knee?”

As Donna heard Agent Reyes scream again, she had to practically stuff her fist in her mouth to stop herself from screaming too.

“Now, if you don’t want me to shoot you in the other knee, I suggest you tell me where she is.”

“Get off my knee, asshole, and I will.”

“Well, Agent Reyes, you’ve got spine, I’ll give you that,” he said laughing, but he must have done as she asked because when she spoke, her voice wasn’t quite so full of pain. “Agent Casper came this afternoon and took her back to Baltimore so she could give her official deposition,” she lied. “No one but the four of us was supposed to know.”

“Then why were you and your friends across the road still here?” he demanded.

“Because they won’t be gone that long,” she told him. “He’s bringing her back tomorrow and he told us to wait.”

Heavy footsteps and the lack of any more crashing told Donna that the searchers had regrouped in the living room. “Did you find anything?” he asked them.

“Nothing,” searcher number one replied. “If she’s here, I sure as hell couldn’t find her. I even looked in the attic.”

“How about you?”

“Yeah, she wasn’t across the street and she’s not here,” searcher number two answered.

“Well, Agent Reyes, here, would seem to agree with you,” he commented. “Did you take care of Weber and Gorman?” 

“Yes, they’re both dead,” searcher number one answered. “But Gorman recognized me first.”

“Then I guess it’s good that you killed him,” he replied simply. “I nailed Patterson when I came in. Reyes and I were just having a chat.”

“Why do all this?” Agent Reyes asked. “Why kill four Federal agents?”

“Tying up loose ends,” he replied simply.

“What do you want to do, Stone?” searcher number one asked.

‘Stone? The blonde gunman’s name was ‘Stone’?’ Donna wondered to herself. A long silence developed and she held her breath waiting to see what they were going to do next.

“Cut our losses,” was ‘Stone’s’ eventual reply. “I’ve got what we need out in the car. Go outside, I’ll be there in a minute.”

Donna heard footsteps fading away. 

“Good-bye agent Reyes,” Stone said next. “I’m sorry we couldn’t have met under better circumstances.”

“Go to hell,” she spat.

“You first,” he said calmly as two more shots rang out. Then there was silence again. 

Tears ran freely down Donna’s face. She had to press both hands over her mouth to keep the sobs from escaping. 

Suddenly, she was startled by the sound of rapid gunfire. Despite her fear and sadness over the deaths of the agents, Donna found herself curious at what she was hearing. It wasn’t like he was exchanging gunfire with anyone or firing at just one thing. Between bursts of gunfire there were silences. It almost sounded like he was moving through the house and stopping every so often to shoot at something. She just couldn’t imagine why. It didn’t help that some of it sounded like it was almost right on top of her. Then another silence fell.

Donna wasn’t quite sure how long she stood there. Time had lost most of it’s meaning at that point and she was beginning to wonder if it was all worth it. Was her life and putting Amy’s killer and the congressman behind bars worth the trail of bodies that were gathering in her wake? Her brain was too overwhelmed to delve into that very far.

Dimly, she heard footsteps again, and although it was soft enough that it was hard to hear, she thought she heard something like splashing, almost as if someone was pouring something out. Suddenly there was a whooshing and a crackling and the smell of burning gasoline reached Donna’s nose.

‘Oh, God, they’ve set the house on fire,’ Donna’s mind screamed.

**********

Mike’s footsteps were heavy as he entered the White House about 10 o’clock that night. Because he was the FBI’s point man to the White House, he had credentials there and could come and go pretty freely. 

As he walked through the Northwest Lobby, he was torn between blind rage and utter, devastating guilt. Rage at the people that had done this and guilt over the fact that it had happened on his watch.

Josh was not going to take this well, but Mike knew that the news had to come from him. He owed Josh that.

Just as he had expected, Mike found him working in his office. He tried not to let himself dwell on the image of Donna’s empty desk as he knocked on the open office door.

Josh had been so focused on drowning out thoughts of Donna by studying the briefing report until his eyes bled, that he hadn’t heard Mike’s footsteps out in the empty bullpen. The sound of his knock startled him a little and his whole body jumped a bit as he sat back in his chair and blinked owlishly.

“Mike?” he said surprised to see him there.

“Hey, Josh.”

Standing, Josh smiled and started to greet him. “What brings you...?” The smile evaporated as he took in the stony expression on Mike’s face. “What’s wrong?” His voice dropped to almost a strangled whisper. “Donna...?”

Mike forced himself to walk into the room. He couldn’t think of any easy or gentle way to break the news to him, so he just came out with it. “There’s been some trouble at the safe house, Josh.”

Josh felt like someone had pulled the rug out from under him. “What kind of trouble?” he said. His legs suddenly felt too weak to hold him up and he sank back down in his chair.

“The agents are required to check in every two hours. When they failed to make their regular 8 pm check and we still hadn’t been able to make contact with them by 9, a second team was dispatched to the location.” He paused and took a breath. “When they arrived they found the local fire department mopping up a fire at the two houses we were using for the operation.”

“Fire...?” Josh said. He felt like he’d lost the ability to speak properly or form coherent sentences. “Was...Donna...she...was...is she okay?”

A muscle twitched in Mike’s jaw. “With it being dark and the houses still hot from the fire, it’s taking a little bit of time to get all the facts...”

“Mike...” Josh said almost warningly. “Tell me...”

“Both houses were fully involved and basically burned to the ground. So far they’ve found four bodies and they’ve managed to identify all four of them as the agents I had stationed at the house.”

“But...but what about...?” he couldn’t seem to bring himself to say her name in conjunction with something bad happening to her.

“We just don’t know, Josh. She wasn’t in the woods or any of the areas around the safe house.” He paused. “Right now she’s missing.”

Rage seemed to explode out of him and he leapt out of his chair. “So let me get this straight...you come here, to tell me that there’s been trouble at the SAFE house, but YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?!” he said, his voice rising in volume. “YOU’RE THE FUCKING FBI!!”

Silently, Mike took the words like body blows. “I know, Josh, I’m sorry, I don’t know what...”

“YOU’RE SORRY!!!” he roared, pacing behind his desk. “SHE TRUSTED ME, MIKE! She trusted me to make sure she was protected and I put her in YOUR hands because I trusted YOU and now she’s missing and all you can say is YOU’RE SORRY?!!”

“I know, it’s empty and it doesn’t bring her back,” Mike tried. “But for what it’s worth, I don’t think she died in the fire.”

That seemed to put Josh’s anger onto the back burner for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“I mean...” Mike wasn’t sure if he was throwing himself out of the frying pan and into the fire or not. “...I think if she was in the house we would have found her body already.”

“Then what do you think happened to her?”

“Well, best case scenario would be that she got away and is on the run.”

“Mike...” Josh said with an incredulous laugh. “You’ve got four dead agents at the scene and you think Donna got away all on her own? I mean Donna’s amazing but, that seems a little hard to believe.”

“I know,” Mike admitted. “But there’s always a chance...”

“What’s the worse case scenario?” Josh asked abruptly, even though part of him knew exactly what Mike was going to say.

Mike sighed. “Worse case scenario, is that she’s been taken by whoever killed my agents and set the houses on fire.”

Josh felt his heart all but stop and he had to sit down again. “So if someone...if they...what can we do?” he asked, his voice soft and tight.

“I hate to say this, but for now we wait. We keep on with our investigation and hope that by morning another examination of the scene will give us some new clues.” 

“And that’s it?!” Josh said. 

“I’m afraid so. I wish we could...”

“Mike! We can’t just wait and hope for the best! There has to be someone we can call! A source you can tap to find out who did this! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! We have to get her back...NOW!”

Knowing how hard this must be for Josh, Mike looked at him for a long moment.

“Josh, if someone has her and they don’t call us with demands or something, there is no getting her back...”


	7. Chances

Chapter 7

Josh sat in his office chair, staring out at the night. 

‘Where are you, Donna?’ he wondered silently.

It was just after midnight and there had been no developments in the search to find her. 

No new evidence or new leads. No phone calls or demands.

No miracles.

As a last ditch effort, Mike had left the White House nearly a half hour ago to talk to Congressman McTierney and see if he had anything to do with what had happened to Donna and the four agents.

The harder Josh tried NOT thinking about her being in the hands of someone who was most likely hurting her, the more he couldn’t help but think about it.

He kept seeing her hand cuffed to the chair, lying pale and withdrawn on the floor, her finger broken, her lip split, her face and body bruised. 

And those old bruises hadn’t even had a chance to heal yet.

How much worse would it be for her this time when he and Mike couldn’t be there to save her? Would he ever see her again? Would he ever have the chance to tell her what he’d hardly let himself think about much less voice out loud? Or would he get the call that would destroy his world? The one where they wanted him to come and identify....his mind threatened to shut down if he tried to complete that sentence. 

‘She must feel so frightened and like she’s all alone,’ he thought with an ache in his spirit that nothing but seeing Donna, alive and well, could ease.

He never should have let her go with Mike. He should have locked her in his office and kept her safe in the White House where he could see her and make sure for himself that she was okay.

“Josh?” a voice said from behind him.

A little startled, he swiveled around and saw the President standing in his office doorway. “Mr. President,” he said jumping up like he was on a spring. Of course, the late hour and all the tension of the last few hours left him feeling a little shaky and not exactly steady on his feet.

“Sit down, Josh,” the President told him with a wave of his hand.

Josh saw the President’s detail take flanking positions outside his door and he couldn’t help but wish that Donna was the President’s daughter or someone else that warranted Secret Service protection.

“I’m fine, sir,” Josh said continuing to stand on principle if nothing else.

“Well, then you feel better than you look, ‘cause you look like you’re ready to take a header into your desk,” Jed told him. He knew Josh would remain standing unless he sat down first so he settled himself in one of the visitor chairs.

Finally, Josh dropped heavily into his own chair. “What brings you here so late, sir?” he said slipping into work mode to try and overcome the growing despair filling him over Donna.

Jed looked at him for a long moment. Of all his ‘children,’ Josh was the one who worried him the most. With Donna there with him, he’d worried a little less, but with her not only gone, but gone under terrible circumstances, Jed’s worry for Josh had increased.

“I just finished up for the night and I thought I would come by to check on you before I went up to the Residence,” he told Josh.

“I appreciate the thought,” Josh said. “But I really am fine, sir.”

Jed didn’t believe that for a moment. “It’s okay to tell me you’re worried about her, Josh,” he said gently.

Josh frowned in surprise. “Sir?”

“You don’t have to try and hide the fact that you care about her.”

“Sir...” Josh said getting ready to deny it.

“Josh...” Jed chided. “I’m President and, you know, a busy guy, but I’m not blind, deaf or stupid.”

“No, sir, of course not, but...” He let out a breath. Donna could be out there hurt, dead or dying and he was still trying to deny how much she meant to him. “I just keeping seeing her...hurt and scared and...worse,” he admitted. 

“You sound like you’ve given up on her already,” Jed said quietly.

“Sir...” he said trying to control his voice and the temper born of frustration and fear so he didn’t start yelling. “He’ll take what he wants from her, make it hurt as much as possible, and then he’ll kill her.”

“Josh...”

Josh didn’t let him get any farther. “I don’t think...I’m afraid that...” his voice trailed off. To his horror, he felt his eyes threaten to tear up. Standing quickly, he turned toward the window and rubbed furiously at them in an attempt to keep them dry. “Mr. President, I’m never going to see her again.”

Jed frowned in surprise. “You have given up on her.” He paused. “What makes you so sure you won’t see her again?” Jed asked him. “Even Mike said that there’s still a chance that she escaped or could still be found.”

Continuing to look blindly out the window, Josh laughed bitterly. “Because I waited too long. Don’t you see? I waited too long to tell her...to let her know...” He couldn’t finish.

Leaning forward a bit, Jed rested his elbows on his knees and steepled his hands to together. “Life has a funny way of giving us second chances, Josh.”

“Well, sir,” Josh laughed mirthlessly. “Where Donna and I are concerned I think I’ve used up my second, third, fourth and fifth chances.”

There was a long pause between them as Josh continued to stare out the window and Jed rubbed his hands over each contemplatively.

“I’ve done a lot of things in my life, Josh,” he finally said. “Things that I’m not necessarily proud of. Things that most people would say used up any chances I had a long time ago.” He paused and took a breath. “You know, I’ve never told anyone this, but when Zoey was kidnapped last summer...” he began quietly.

Josh blinked in surprise and turned away from the window to look at the President. He was surprised that the President was trying to share such a deeply personal thing with him. “Sir, you don’t have to...” 

Jed silenced him with a look and then continued. “When she was taken, in my darkest moments, I couldn’t help but think that there was no way I was going to see her again.” He had a sudden and desperate need for a cigarette, but he hadn’t brought any with him and Abbey had threatened his detail with dismemberment if they gave him any, so he just continued to rub his hands slowly over one another.

“I mean we had no real clues, only vague leads. On one hand, I had Nancy McNally saying it was amateurs and on the other I had advisors telling me it was terrorists and that she was probably out of the country already.” He paused. “Josh, you and I know that kidnapping is not like the movies. Recovering someone alive that’s been kidnapped is usually hard if not impossible. The fact that it was the President’s daughter made the odds of getting her back even worse.” He let out a long breath. “And in the end, it didn’t take all our man power or special equipment to find her, it took nothing more than a cell phone and someone being in the wrong place at the right time.”

Jed continued to slowly rub his hands together. “But, you know, as bad as I felt about what happened to Zoey and what she had to deal with in the aftermath of the kidnapping, it made me realize that you’ve always got to hang onto hope, because, you just never know what’s going to happen.” He leaned back in his chair. “You’ve got to have hope, Josh. Until we know something for sure, you’ve got to have hope.”

Josh appreciated what the President was saying and knew that there were many parallels between what happened to Zoey and to Donna, but hope was still a hard thing for him to come by right then.

Walking over to stand by his desk, Josh stared down at some papers. Attached to one of them was a post-it note with Donna’s illegibly ‘distinctive’ penmanship on it. His vision blurred for a moment, then cleared when he blinked hard. 

“Donna was my hope,” he said quietly as he fingered the post-it. ‘And she was everything worth anything in my life,’ he added silently.

“Then, until you hear something for sure, you have to have enough hope for both of you,” Jed told him. “Don’t give up on her, son. Somehow I know she wouldn’t give up on you.” 

That made something inside him clench. The President was right. She wouldn’t, she hadn’t given up on him, not even after he’d been shot at Rosslyn. He’d heard how she’d stayed through his surgery and remembered how she stayed through his recovery...and Christmas. “I know,” he replied.

There was another long pause as Josh continued to touch the post-it, as if it was some tangible link to Donna.

“And Josh...”

Something in his tone, made Josh look up. “Yes, sir?”

“When you get her back,” he said, rising from the chair. “Don’t worry about the politics or the press. Just hold onto her with both hands and never let her go.”

Josh blinked in surprise at the President’s unofficial and yet apparently heartfelt encouragement of what he felt for Donna. “Yes, sir,” he said with a little nod.

The President walked to the door, then paused in the doorway and turned back. “Oh, it might also help if you tell her all those things you said you never had a chance to tell her.” He lowered his voice a bit to a loud whisper. “Women like to hear those things.”

Josh somehow managed to quirk the corner of his mouth up in what almost passed for a small smile. “Yes, sir. Thank you.”

“Well, it’s so late, Abbey’s probably wondering if invaded Cuba or something, so I’m going to head up to bed. Goodnight, Josh,” he said turning to walk out into the hall.

“Goodnight, Mr. President,” Josh called after him.

**********

“Josh?” 

He swiveled around in his chair to see Mike standing in his doorway. “Have they found her?!” 

Mike slowly shook his head. “No, Josh, I’m sorry.”

Anger quickly snapped through him. “Why the hell not? It’s after 2 am!” he yelled jumping out of his chair. “And where the hell have you been?! You were gone for almost three hours!”

Mike had expected Josh’s anger and didn’t let it bother him. “My interview with McTierney took longer than I expected. Part way through, he started screaming for his lawyer.”

Being reminded of where he’d been and who he’d been talking to, deflated Josh’s anger a bit and replaced it with curiosity. “Well, did you get anything out of him?”

“Not a lot, but enough that I’m suspicious. I don’t think he’s behind it himself, but I think he knows who is,” Mike replied. “He definitely knows more than he’s letting on.”

“Just what did he say?” Josh asked.

“That’s the problem, he isn’t talking. He’s apparently more scared of whoever he’s working with, than he is of me and going to Federal Prison.”

Josh took a lunging step around the desk. “Give me a few minutes alone with him, and I think I might be able to convince him that I’M the one he should really be the most scared of,” Josh said threateningly.

“You know I can’t do that, Josh,” Mike said holding up a hand. “If we handle this wrong it could work in his favor and he could get off because of it and then we’d have nothing.”

“So what now?! He just gets to roam around free while Donna’s….while she…” Josh broke off. 

“No, he’s not going to get to roam around, not for the next few days anyway,” Mike told him. “He’s being transported to Federal detention as we speak. His lawyers are screaming bloody murder, but by law I can hold him for 48 hours. Hopefully by then he’ll start to understand just how much trouble he’s in,” Mike replied. “I plan to threaten him with the fact that if he doesn’t share what he knows, the press is going to mysteriously hear all about his ‘unfortunate incarceration’ and the fact that he has suspected ties to Amy’s murder, Donna’s assault and abduction, and the deaths of my four agents.”

“Well, as a politician he knows that a story like that will effectively end his political career so that should throw the fear of God into him,” Josh replied. “Did you hear anything new from the agents on scene?”

“No, they’ve brought in some portable lights to help them sift through the debris,” Mike told him. “But so far they haven’t found anything new.” 

“Mike? How did this happen?” he said, voicing the question that had been churning in his mind all night. “How did it only take six days for someone to find out where you guys had stashed her? Even I didn’t know!”

“I just don’t have any answers for you right now, Josh,” Mike answered. “We kept everyone that knew to a minimum, I swear.” He paused. “And I’m definitely going to be taking a very hard look at everyone who did know, because my guess is that they have someone on the inside, either in the FBI or at the Justice Department, that’s feeding them information. There’s just no other way they could have found out.”

“Great,” Josh grumbled. “So you’re saying you’ve got a leak. Terrific. That’s just fucking perfect. Just what I want to hear when Donna’s life is involved.”

Just then his Mike’s cell phone rang. “That’s probably one of the agents on scene calling to check in,” he said pulling out his cell phone. “Hmm, I don’t recognize the number,” he said with a little frown as he glanced at the display, then answered it. “Casper.” There was a long pause. “Hello? Is anyone there?”

“Mike?” a voice said tentatively. The voice was soft and the noise in the background was loud so it was hard to hear.

“Yes, this is Agent Mike Casper, who is this?”

There was another pause. “It’s me...it’s Donna,” she said with what sounded like a sniffle followed by a light cough.

Mike’s gaze flashed up to Josh as his heart leapt into his throat. “Donna?”

“Donna?!” Josh was across the room and reaching for the phone in an instant. “Let me talk to her.”

Mike pushed him back and kept the phone. “Donna, can you speak up? It’s really hard to hear you.” Mike thought he heard trucks, large trucks in the background.

“I don’t want to talk too loud,” she said coughing again, although she did add a little more volume to her voice. “I’m trying not to draw attention to myself.” 

“That’s okay, Donna, I can hear you now. Are you alone, is anyone with you? Can you identify yourself?”

“No, I...right, sorry, the password...” There was a long pause. “Sanctuary,” she finally said with some more sniffling. To Mike it almost sounded like she was crying. Her voice sounded hoarse, too.

“Let me talk to her!” Josh hissed.

“Where are you? Are you okay?” he asked still keeping the phone away from Josh. He needed to get some information from her before he turned her over to Josh.

“I’m fine,” she replied, although her voice sounded shaky and not exactly what he would call ‘okay.’

“Where are you? What happened?” Mike asked. 

**********

*****Six hours earlier*****

‘Oh, God, they’ve set the house on fire,’ Donna’s mind screamed.

The air in her little tomb was quickly turning warm, acrid and heavy. She couldn’t help but cough a little. Something in her was screaming for her to run, and yet there she stood, nearly rooted to the spot. What if the gunman and his friends were out there waiting for her? What if this was some kind of game to see who or what they could smoke out with the fire?

‘How bad would it feel to die in a fire?’ her mind picked that moment to wonder.

For some odd reason that seemed to kick start her into action. If they were going to shoot her, then fine, but she was going to die on her feet, not cowering in the closet like a child waiting for someone to come and save her. It was time she started saving herself.

Pressing the release button, she shoved open the door. The heat and the fumes weren’t as bad in the closet and the bedroom. The light in the bathroom had come back on when they’d switched the power back on and in its light she didn’t see anyone lying in wait for her in the bedroom. It gave her a layer of encouragement to add to her growing courage.

Moving quickly, she went to the bedroom door to close it to keep the fire at bay for as long as possible. What she saw stopped her cold. The living room, or what she could see of it, was engulfed in flames. Thick black smoke was beginning to billow and run along the hallway ceiling toward the bedroom like an evil snake. Coughing, Donna grabbed for the bedroom door and started to close it, then paused.

Now she realized what he’d been randomly shooting at. The bedroom door was riddled with bullet holes. So was her bathroom door and so were the couple of doors she could see down the hall from her bedroom. She remembered him asking her how she’d eluded him in Amy’s office. A chill went through her. He must have shot up all the doors out of anger at the fact that she’d slipped through his fingers again. A symbolic way of saying she couldn’t hide from him forever.

Even though the bedroom door was now ‘well ventilated’ she closed it and locked it. As if a lock and a swiss cheese door would keep out the fire and smoke very long. With the door closed, the fire sounded softer and farther away and she felt like maybe she could hear herself think now. And when she did, one thought overrode all the others. 

She had to get out...now.

Still coughing, she grabbed up the jeans she’d left lying on the bed, a t-shirt, Josh’s Harvard sweatshirt, a pair of sneakers out of the closet, and her purse from under the bed. She considered trying to get some of her other things, but she could see that from the increasing brightness around, under and THROUGH the bedroom door, the door was just about done giving her any kind of protection from the fire.

Remembering what Agent Patterson had said during one of their drills about heading for the woods if there was any reason she couldn’t stay in the safe room or the house, Donna headed for the sitting area window that overlooked the woods. 

Her coughing was getting harder and more regular as the heat and the smoke began to fill the room in earnest. As quickly and quietly as she could, she opened the window. Slowly she stuck her head out and checked to see if anyone was watching, but saw no one. Silently hoping that any noise she was making would be drowned out by the crackling and roar of the fire, Donna dropped her things on the grass outside and then climbed out after them.

Kneeling down in the cool, damp grass, she took a moment to inhale a number of deep lungfuls of the cool night air. When no one came to investigate her appearance, she decided to hold off making a break for the woods to risk checking around front to see if Stone and his friends had gone and if she could make it over to the other house. She hadn’t gotten a new cell phone yet and she was hoping was that she could make it to the other house and find one of their cell phones to call for help.

Staying bent over to keep low, she followed along the side of the house until she came to the corner. Carefully she peeked around it. Her heart sank at what she saw. The other house was also fully engulfed in flames. The only good news was that she didn’t see a soul. She assumed that the bad guys must have believed that she really wasn’t there and they left after the fires were set. Donna eyed the two agency cars parked in the driveway, but without the keys that were theoretically with the agents inside the burning houses, they were all but worthless to her. 

Even though she knew or was pretty sure the bad guys were gone, everything in her was screaming for her to run and keep out of sight. So that’s exactly what she did. Quickly backtracking along the wall of the house, which was now very warm to the touch, Donna snatched up all her things and made a 15 foot sprint across the open yard to the edge of the woods.

Once she was in the edge of the woods and felt a little more secure, Donna knelt down and looked back at the scene. She tried to take it all in, but of course that was all but impossible. Silent tears rolled down Donna’s face as she watched. How did you take in the fact that two houses stood burning and four Federal agents were dead because of you?

The urge to run was almost to a panic level now so she quickly dressed in the clothes she’d brought and left the bath robe behind a tree. Shoving her feet into the sneakers, she tied them securely, and gave one last look toward the houses. 

They were both totally engulfed in flames. If she hadn’t seen the houses before they’d been set on fire, she wouldn’t have been able to picture what they even looked like. Now they were just towers of fire and smoke reaching into the night sky.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Then she turned and moved a little deeper into the woods.

There was just enough moon out that night that if she didn’t go too far into the woods she could see glimpses of the other lake cottages and the road, so she used both as a guide so she didn’t become hopelessly lost.

She had a tiny flashlight in her purse, but she didn’t dare use it. A light, no matter how small, moving through the forest would be a beacon for anyone watching. Consequently, making her way through the forest was fairly treacherous.

At first her speed was too quick and she fell twice, once badly gouging the palm of her injured hand on a rock and the other stubbing her toe on a large root. When she had her third mishap and ran smack into a low hanging branch and scraped her forehead, she decided she needed to slow her pace down or she was going to really hurt herself and she wouldn’t be able to get away if she did that. Not to mention the fact that she also made more noise as she crashed through the underbrush. Slowing down would help with stealth as well as safety.

Still coughing intermittently from the smoke she’d inhaled and the cool, damp night air, she hadn’t gone very far with her new slower pace when she sensed something was different. Like an animal sensing far off danger, she stopped dead in her tracks and listened. Sirens. And they were getting closer. Throwing herself to the ground she crawled to the nearest bush and waited with her heart hammering in her throat.

The sirens continued to get closer and a few minutes later, the lights and sirens burst onto the lake road, as two large fire engines sped past her in the direction of the burning houses at the other end of the lake. 

‘Someone must have reported the fire,’ she reasoned. 

Waiting until it was quiet again, she moved from her hiding place and scrambled up. Although she was still coughing a little, she settled back into her steady pace, she felt like she began to make good progress. Very shortly, she reached the edge of a section of woods and found herself back at the main road where it turned to go out around the lake.

Bracing her hands on two trees she leaned forward a bit and looked around. Except for the occasional insect or bird or barking dog, it was quiet and the few distant houses she saw were dark. 

Stepping back into the safety of the trees, she considered what to do next. Up until this point, her only goal had been to get as far from the house as she could. Well, it was time to define that goal a bit more. She couldn’t just wander around in the woods forever.

She suddenly wished Josh were there or at least part of her did. The other part of her was glad he wasn’t anywhere near her and what was going on. He would probably know what she should do, but she realized it was safer for him if he stayed away from her. She was apparently in way over her head and it was better if he wasn’t involved. Of course, that didn’t mean she didn’t want to throw herself into his arms and let him take care of her and protect her, which she knew he would do, or try to do if he was there. No, she just couldn’t take that chance.

If she was going to get out of this, she was going to have to do it on her own, she decided to head for town. Perryville, the last town she’d seen when Mike had driven her out to the lake. Her first stop would be the Wal-Mart she’d seen. She had nothing but the clothes on her back and the contents of her purse and she was going to need provisions.

Knowing she had to follow the road to get back to town, she considered walking on the road or at least at the side of it. Doing it that way would be easier on her feet and she would be able to move faster. On the other hand, she’d be out in the open and more vulnerable. Anyone driving by might see her and even if they weren’t with ‘Stone’ and his buddies, they might let the fact slip to the wrong person that they’d seen her walking by the road. Consequently, she decided to keep doing what she had been and follow the road but stay in the edge of the woods. Having come this far without being spotted, she wasn’t going to take any chances now. 

Crossing the road, she stepped into the next copse of woods and headed off. Keeping to the pace she’d set for herself, her steps became almost automatic and her mind started to try and make some sense out of what had happened to her. 

‘What the hell have I gotten myself into?’ she wondered. ‘And is there any way out?’

Just then she saw a red flash up ahead and dropped down behind a tree. Looking up, she saw two unmarked sedans, go screaming by with their lights flashing. They were headed in the direction of the lake. If she had to guess, she would have said they were FBI. Donna knew that her agents were supposed to check in every so often. If they didn’t make that check-in, the back up agents from town would come out to investigate. Of course the fact that the fire department had been dispatched to the site of the safe house might have also had something to do with it.

After they’d gone, she got up again and continued her trek toward town. She needed a plan. Not just the ‘getting to town’ plan, but a long term one. If Stone and the people he worked for could find her in an FBI safe house, they must be pretty powerful. 

‘Could it even be someone in the FBI or the Justice Department?’ she wondered. ‘Could Amy have gotten herself into something bigger than she knew?’

Donna knew it was a sure thing that she couldn’t go back to D.C. Not only would she be in danger, but so would Josh, CJ, Toby, and her other friends as well. Josh would be in even greater danger because he’d want to keep her close and he knew all about the documents. Even the President could potentially be in danger because of her. After Rosslyn, it had been made apparent that even the President wasn’t safe from being ‘collateral damage.’

Without hesitation, she knew she’d do whatever it took to keep them safe. And not just them but others who would stand between her and the people that wanted her dead. Images of the burning houses and the last few moments of Agent Reyes’ life played back through her head like they were caught in a loop. Four dead agents was four too many to have on her conscience. 

Well, that stopped now. She was done with getting people killed. It was one thing for her life to be at risk, but she wasn’t going to put anyone else’s life in danger. No more witness protection, no more bodyguards. Just her. She’d go underground all by herself until the trial. She didn’t know exactly how she’d do it, but she had the emergency money Josh had given her and she heard about people, usually criminals, going underground all the time. If they could do it, so could she.

No one else was going to die because of her.

**********

Although she didn’t realize it because she hadn’t thought to grab her watch, it took Donna a little over 5 hours to walk from the lake to Perryville. Standing at the edge of a thinning clump of trees, she coughed and felt a wave of relief as she saw the lights of town. Her feet and legs were almost numb by then and she was sure that she had a myriad of blisters. Somewhere in her brain, something reported that she was exhausted, but she didn’t actually feel it.

She had to swallow a mild feeling of panic at the idea of being out in the open again, but letting out a breath she stepped out of the trees and started walking toward the lights. Without having to watch where she was going quite so much she moved much faster and soon found herself at a busy truck stop across the street from the Wal-Mart she’d seen when she and Mike had driven through town. She was relieved to see that it was a 24-hour Wal-Mart Supercenter. So even given the early hour, it would be open.

Before she crossed the highway to get to the Wal-Mart, she decided to go inside the truck stop and use the bathroom. Part of her warned that maybe she should be worried about being seen, but after 5 hours of walking, she was so glad to see civilization and a much-needed restroom that she no longer cared if anyone saw her.

Opening the door, she was happy to see that the large, but apparently deserted bathroom was right inside the door. Going inside, she slipped into one of the stalls, relieved her full bladder and walked out to the sink. Pushing up her sleeves so she could wash her hands with soap, Donna studied her reflection in the mirror. 

To put it simply, she was a mess. It was a good thing no one had seen her yet. Besides the still healing bruises that dotted her face, blood from the scratch above her eye was smeared across her forehead and was joined by dirty smudges on her cheek and chin. Just to round out things, there was a slightly grey area under her nose where she’d breathed in the smoke from the fire and there were leaves and bits of brush in her hair. She also took a look at her hand and saw that the bloody gouge in the center of her palm was fairly deep. She didn’t think that it needed stitches, but she’d have to watch it and make sure she kept it clean so it wouldn’t get infected.

Digging a brush and an elastic band out of her purse, she gave her hair a quick brush and then pulled it back into a ponytail. Using the bathroom liquid hand soap, she gave her face and hands a quick wash. It made a number of areas, including the cut on her forehead and the gouge on her palm sting viciously, but at least they would be clean. She used a wad of paper towels to dry off, then looked in the mirror again and decided that she looked as good as she was going to. Gathering her things, she walked out of the bathroom. 

Donna had planned to just walk back outside and over to the Wal-Mart, but the warmth inside the truck stop and the smell of coffee made her pause. She was in a public place again. At last. This was as safe as she was gonna get. What would it hurt to take the time to have something to warm her up? Plus it would give her a chance to make a list of things she might need at the store.

She walked through a well stocked mini-mart to the source of the wafting coffee smell, a small coffee shop. Walking into it, she was relieved to see that since it was 2 am, it was largely deserted. She wasn’t sure she could have taken a large crowd of people. A few truck drivers were scattered throughout the coffee shop eating, drinking coffee, speaking on phones, or a combination of the three, while one waitress and one cook took care of their orders.

Donna eased into a seat at the counter and felt her legs immediately sigh with relief. The waitress, a middle-aged woman with a blonde bee-hive and a name tag that said ‘Vera’ walked over to her. Donna met her gaze steadily and saw a flash of concern in her hazel eyes as she looked back at Donna.

“You okay, hon?” she asked. “Looks like you’ve had a bit of a rough night.”

“I’m...” Donna began with a casual smile that was ruined by a cough. Clearing her throat she tried again. “It’s a long story, but I’m fine thanks.” Her voice sounded rough, whether it was from the smoke, the cold damp air in the woods, the coughing or all three, she didn’t know.

Vera looked at her for a moment, her expression saying she didn’t exactly believe her, but she knew it wasn’t really any of her business. “What can I get for you?” she asked.

Donna didn’t think her stomach would take too much, but she felt like she had to eat something to keep up her strength. “Do you have any soup?”

Vera nodded. “We got chicken noodle or chili.”

Just the idea of chili made her nauseous. “Could I have a cup of chicken noodle and some coffee...no, wait do you have any hot chocolate?” Hot chocolate was sort of a comfort food for her and she was in desperate need of some comfort right about then.

“Sure thing, hon. You want whipped cream on it?”

“No, thank you,” Donna replied.

“Okay, I’ll be right back,” Vera told her.

Donna nodded and pulled out a pad and some paper. She’d just started on her list, when Vera returned with her order. “Thanks.”

“No problem, you just let me know if you need anything else,” she said laying the bill on the counter before she headed off to help one of the truckers.

The first couple of spoonfuls of soup made Donna a little nauseous, but then both the soup and the hot chocolate seemed to kick in and they really helped to calm and soothe her a bit. She’d finished both of them by the time she’d made her list.

The sense of urgency had returned and Donna knew it was time to get moving. Not wanting to wait for change or anything, she glanced at the bill for $5.59, dug $10 out of her purse, laid it on top of the bill, and slid off the stool. 

She winced and had to grab the edge of the counter when her legs threatened to fold under her. Pain shot through her feet, legs and back, as they protested at having to move and support her weight again. Although there was no getting around the pain, after a moment, her legs seemed to settle a bit and she carefully walked out of the restaurant.

Stepping out into the night air, Donna took a deep breath and promptly started coughing again. The coughing was really getting annoying, plus it made her eyes water and her nose run. She added ‘cough syrup’ to her list of things to pick up at Wal-Mart. 

As she headed toward the street and Wal-Mart, she had to pass a bank of three pay phones outside the truck stop. She felt a stab of guilt. No one knew what had happened to her. Josh was probably worried. Was it fair to just leave without any kind of word? Even though she knew she couldn’t go back, couldn’t risk anyone else’s life, she owed Josh everything and couldn’t leave him not knowing if she was alive or dead.

But she couldn’t call him directly. He’d never let her just disappear into the night. He’d want her to come back. He’d promise her that he could protect her. And who knows, maybe he could, but she couldn’t take the chance that he’d get hurt in the process. So who could she tell her plans to? 

Mike. Mike would be the perfect choice.

She could trust him to tell Josh she was okay. Not to mention the fact that she should tell him what happened with the agents and assure him that she would be back for the trial.

Moving to the nearest phone she pulled out a pre-paid long distance calling card and Mike’s cell number. Maybe he wouldn’t answer and she could just leave him a voice mail. That would be the least stressful for her, because she wouldn’t have to argue with him. Dialing the long distance access number, she punched in Mike’s number and waited as the call went through. 

Much to her dismay, Mike answered on the third ring. “Casper.”

Donna’s throat closed up for a moment and she couldn’t find her voice.

“Hello? Is anyone there?” Mike asked her.

“Mike?” she finally managed to spit out. 

“Yes, this is Agent Mike Casper, who is this?”

What did she say? How did she start? “It’s me...it’s Donna,” she said with a cough.

“Donna? Donna, can you speak up? It’s really hard to hear you,” Mike asked. 

It was hard for her to hear him too. The trucks going in and out of the truck stop were very noisy. “I don’t want to talk too loud,” she said trying to speak up even through it made her cough again. “I’m trying not to draw attention to myself.”

“That’s okay, Donna, I can hear you now. Are you alone? Is anyone with you? Can you identify yourself?”

“No, I...right, sorry, the password...” She and Mike had arranged to have a password to use if they were communicating in any way other than face to face. She was only supposed to give it to him if it was safe to do so. She was so tired that it took her a minute to remember what it was. “Sanctuary,” she finally said.

“Where are you? Are you okay?” Mike asked her.

“I’m fine,” she replied, although even to her own ears, her voice sounded a little shaky.

“Where are you?” he repeated. “What happened?” 

A wave of raw emotion threatened to crash over her and she had to swallow it. “I’m sorry about the agents, Mike. You have to believe me, there was nothing I could do.”

“I know, Donna, it’s okay. We can talk about that later. But where are you?”

She swallowed. “I’m not going to tell you, Mike.”

There was a surprised pause before he answered. “Why not?”

“I’m...I’m going away for a while.”

“Donna? What are you talking about?”

She felt another wave of emotion threaten to crush her. “I...he killed them, Mike. He killed them all.”

“Who, Donna? Who killed them?”

“The blonde man, the same one who attacked me.” She gave a tearful little laugh. “By the way, his name is Stone. I heard them. He brought two friends and they killed the agents and then set both the houses on fire.”

“How did you escape?” he asked.

“I...I hid...I wanted to come out...to make them stop, but...I hid in the safe room,” she said helplessly as a tear fell down her cheek. “I’m sorry. I never meant...”

“It’s okay, Donna, you did the right thing,” Mike told her. “Now tell me where you are and I’ll come and get you.”

“No,” she said firmly. “I’m going to go away until the trial.”

“Donna, you know I can’t let you do that,” Mike told her. “I can’t leave you out there alone. You don’t know how to protect yourself.”

“It’s too dangerous. I’m not going to let anyone else get hurt,” she said. “If they could find me at the lake they can find me anywhere.”

”Donna...” he tried to argue.

She felt herself getting a little angry. “No, Mike! I’m not going back into protective custody. You don’t know what he...what he did to Agent Reyes...” Her voice trailed off. “I can’t...I WON’T be the cause of that again. I have the right to refuse protective custody and I am...I DO!”

There was a pause from Mike’s end. “What do you plan to do?”

“I’ve got the money Josh gave me. I’ll find someplace to stay for a few months until the trial. When I get settled, I’ll get word to you and you can tell me when to come back for the trial. That way it will only between me and you.”

Once again, Mike paused before answering her and she heard him let out a breath. “Okay, Donna, I don’t like it, but with the apparent leak we have, I’m not sure I have a choice,” he told her. “But at least let me help you.”

She frowned. “How?”

“I can get you a car and more money and a new ID so you don’t have to use your own name.”

Donna considered that. She hadn’t quite figured out how she was going to get from place to place, except maybe by taking the bus. It would be easier if she had a car and a new identity. “You promise you won’t try and put me back in protective custody?”

“You have my word, Donna.”

“And you’ll come personally? I don’t trust anyone else.”

“I promise.”

She paused for a long moment, trying to decide if she should take him up on his offer and if she could trust him to keep his word. “Okay,” she finally said with a sigh. “I’m in Perryville.”

“Where in Perryville?”

“At a truck stop across from Wal-Mart.”

“The Wal-Mart we passed on the outskirts of town?”

“Yes,” she replied with another cough.

“Okay, I want you to sit down and I’ll be there just as...”

“No,” she interrupted him. “I’m going over to the Wal-Mart. It’s open 24 hours and I need some things. I only got out of the house with my purse and the clothes I’m wearing.”

Mike paused. “Okay, I need a little time to pull some things together and then I’ll be on my way. If they have a McDonald’s or some other kind of eating place inside, I’ll meet you there at 8 am. If they don’t have anything like that, I’ll meet you by the customer service desk.”

“All right,” she replied. “Mike...could you do one more thing for me?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“Tell Josh...” she had to swallow before she could speak. There was so much she wanted to tell Josh, but so much she couldn’t find the courage to say, especially when she had to say it through Mike. “Tell, him that I’m okay and not to worry.”

Mike motioned to Josh. “Why don’t you tell him yourself?”

She laughed a little tearfully and it started her coughing again. “I can’t. He’ll never let me go out on my own and that’s what I have to do right now. I don’t want to argue with him about it. I don’t want that to be how we leave things when I go away.”

Mike put up his hand, halting Josh. “Okay, I’ll tell him.”

“Thanks, Mike,” she sniffed.

“Hang tight, Donna. Help’s on the way.”

**********

“Why wouldn’t you let me talk to her?!” Josh demanded as Mike hung up the phone. The relief and joy he’d felt at hearing she was alive had been quickly replaced by frustration at not getting to talk to her.

“Because I was worried that she would have hung up,” Mike said. 

“What do you mean?”

“She’s scared, Josh. Someone’s trying to kill her. Someone that very likely works for the Bureau. She doesn’t want protective custody....”

“Well, that’s just too damn bad!” he yelled. “She’s going to get it whether she likes it or not!”

“This is what she’s afraid of, Josh. She knew you wouldn’t let her go.”

“And what’s wrong with THAT?!” Josh demanded. “I care about her. I’m not going to let her do something stupid and get herself killed.”

Mike stared at him. “She may have a point, Josh,” he said quietly. 

“What the hell are you talking about?!” 

“If there’s a leak in the Bureau, I may not be able to protect her. If someone is determined enough to kill four agents, they won’t give up until they get to her.”

“So I’ll put her in the White House!” Josh argued. “I’m sure the President will let her stay in the Res...”

“I already asked Ron Butterfield about that,” Mike said. “The Secret Service can’t have her that close to the President. He could give her a detail, but we both agreed that even the Secret Service may not be able to protect her.”

“But...”

“Josh, it might be better if she just finds a deep hole and pulls the lid in after her. That’s why I told her I’d give her the tools to do it. If no one but Donna and I know where she is, then the leak can’t find her either. As long as she keeps her head down, she should be safe.” He paused. “She said to tell you she’s okay and not to worry.”

But he did worry. Josh felt Donna slipping away and it scared the crap out of him. He’d been willing to put up with the fact that he couldn’t see her, touch her, or hear her voice for months at a time if it meant keeping her safe. But that was when he thought she’d at least have the agents to watch over her. There’s no way, no way, he could let her face this all alone.

Suddenly, Josh felt like he was standing at a crossroads and it made his head swim a bit. The funny thing was it wasn’t a hard choice to make. In that moment, he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt what he wanted...no, NEEDED to do.

“Josh?” Mike asked. 

Josh shook himself. “I’m coming with you,” he blurted.

“Please don’t make this any harder, Josh,” Mike said with a sigh. “She’s not going to come back with you and if she did, she’d just be putting her life in danger.”

Josh let out a breath. “No, I’m not going to try and bring her back. I’m going with her.”

Mike was speechless for a moment. Given Josh’s relationship with Donna, especially what Mike had seen in the last few days, it made perfect sense for him to go with her. On the other hand, anyone who ever met Josh, knew that politics was his life. And his job wasn’t exactly one he could just pick up and walk away from any time he liked.

“But Josh! You can’t,” Mike argued. “I’m going to show Donna how to go under, I mean deep under. What about your job? You can’t call in and try to do it over the phone. No e-mails and no phone calls that can be traced back to you guys. Not to mention you’re recognizable.”

“Just here,” Josh countered. “Outside the D.C. metro area, no one knows who the White House Deputy Chief of Staff is, much less what he looks like.”

Mike scowled. “It will be at least six months before she can come back. You’d go crazy OR drive her crazy in a week.”

“I know that. It doesn’t matter,” Josh said simply. “I’m still going. I won’t let her do it alone.”

“Your life will be in danger,” Mike pointed out.

“I know that, too.” 

Mike saw Josh was clearly as determined as Donna had been. “You do realize that I’m leaving in 2 hours?”

“I’ll be ready. I just need to talk to Leo and get some things from my apartment. Pick me up there on your way out.”

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Mike asked, giving him once last chance to back out.

“Yes.”

“Okay, then I’ll be at your place in two hours.” With that, Mike turned and left.

Josh stood there for a moment, once again fingering Donna’s post-it. The President’s earlier words came back to him.

“When you get her back, don’t worry about the politics or the press. Just hold onto her with both hands and never let her go.”

That’s just what he intended to do. 

Quickly slipping on his suit jacket, he scribbled something on a piece of paper, folded it and put it in the inside pocket. Then he emptied everything out of his backpack that wasn’t personal and stuffed his laptop and the power cord inside. It belonged to the White House and if he and Donna made it out of this mess he’d return it, but in the mean time they might need it. If the powers-that-be didn’t like that, well, they’d have to find him to get it back.

Slinging his backpack over his shoulder and grabbing his coat, he walked to Leo’s open office door. As he expected, Leo was still there. He wasn’t especially surprised to see CJ and Toby there, too. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

‘Well, at least, I’ll be able to get this over all at once,’ he thought.

The three of them looked up as Josh came in. “Where are you going?” CJ asked noticing his coat and his backpack.

“Donna just called...”

“DONNA JUST CALLED?!” CJ yelled as she and Toby got to their feet. 

“What did she say?”

“She’s okay. Apparently, the same guy that attacked her a few nights ago, took out the agents at the safe house, but she got away.”

Leo grinned. “I knew she could do it. Leave it to Donna to keep her head.” 

“Where is she?” Toby asked.

“I’m not sure, Mike knows and I’m going with him. But you can’t tell anyone. Make up whatever story you want but you can’t tell anyone that we’ve found her or that I’ve gone after her.”

Leo’s grin faded. “When will you be back?”

Josh was quiet for a long moment. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Leo said with a scowl.

“When we meet up with Donna I’m going with her.”

“With her where?” CJ asked.

“Mike thinks that the reason the guy found Donna so quickly is that there’s a leak in the FBI or the Justice Department,” he explained. “So he and Donna think it’s best if she go underground for a while. Deep enough that no one but Donna and Mike know will know where she is.”

“What does that have to do with you?” Leo demanded.

“I’m not going to let her do it alone, Leo.”

“What? Have you had some FBI training that I missed?” Leo shot back. “You can’t protect her, Josh.”

Leo’s lack of confidence in him, hurt on some level, but again, after all he’d been through after Carrick, Josh didn’t care nearly as much as he would have before. “I know, but I’m going to do what I can. If nothing else, she’ll have company.”

“Josh, this is insane. You’re both gonna get yourselves killed!” Leo said.

Now Leo’s comment just made him mad. “Then give me an alternative that doesn’t involve protective custody!” Leo was silent. “I don’t know, Leo, maybe you’re right. All I know is that she’s doing this no matter what. And I’m going to be there to watch her back.”

“And what about your job? Are we just supposed to wait around for you to decide to return to home and then welcome you back like the prodigal son?!” Leo demanded. “Cause if you think I’m just going to stand around and wait...”

“You don’t have to,” Josh said, interrupting. He was tired of the conversation and time was ticking away. “Here.” He pulled the letter he’d hastily scribbled out of his pocket and slapped it on Leo’s desk. “I quit.” 

Already dismissing Leo, he turned to Toby and CJ who’d grown noticeably quiet during the latter part of his argument with Leo. “Toby I need you to draw up some papers like you did for Donna. I want to give you my power of attorney.”

“Okay,” Toby said. It was plain to see Josh’s mind was made up. 

“Can you do it in an hour and bring them to my place?”

“Yeah,” he said letting out a breath. “I’ve still got the forms on my computer. I just need to change the names. I’ll also bring a subset for Donna so you can sign her power of attorney over to me.”

Josh nodded. “I’m going to need to arrange to pull together some more cash. I’ll give you the details when you come over to my place. After you get it, you can give it to Mike and he’ll be able to forward it.”

Toby nodded and Josh turned to CJ, who was staring at him with oddly bright eyes. “If you want to say something, say it now,” he told CJ defiantly.

“Well...” she began with a little half grin. “...all I have to say is, it’s about time.” Josh blinked in surprise and CJ leaned in a little. Then, being careful of the spot she knew was still slightly tender, promptly smacked him in the head.

“Ow! What was that for?!” Josh said.

“That’s just a taste of what the Sisterhood has waiting for you if you let anything happen to her.” 

Josh couldn’t help but grin. “Okay, okay, understood.”

Leo had been reading over Josh’s resignation while Josh had been talking to CJ and Toby. It was clear that Josh was serious and he decided not to waste any more time trying to talk him out of it. He came around the desk and offered Josh his hand. “Take care of yourself Josh...take care of both of you.”

Josh was a little surprised at Leo’s gesture and the fact that he wasn’t going to try and argue with him, but he shook his hand warmly. “I will.”

With that he swept out of the office and didn’t look back.

**********

“Say, I’ve been meaning to ask, how are you getting back to D.C. if we take the car?” he asked Mike as they drove through Williamsport in central Pennsylvania a few hours later. By his calculations they should be in Perryville in about 20 minutes. His anticipation was starting to get the better of him. He couldn’t wait to see Donna again and his palms were getting sweaty just thinking about it. 

“I’ve arranged for a rental car under an assumed name. After I get you and Donna on your way, I’ll take a cab over to the rental place and pick it up.”

“You going to head back for D.C. right away?”

“No, I want to go out to the safe house site and check on the investigation personally,” Mike told him.

Josh nodded and a silence descended on the car.

Josh wondered how Donna would react to seeing him. Would she throw herself gratefully into his arms and tell him to never leave her again? Or would she just smile tearfully because she’d missed him so much? He just hoped she wouldn’t cry too much when she saw him.”

Maybe once they were alone he could finally tell her all the things he’d never said. After all, they were going to have at least 6 months of ‘togetherness.’ The two of them, even with their emotionally stunted ways of dealing with whatever was between them, should be able to iron things out in that time. Even if she didn’t feel the same way about him, he was determined to get things between them out in the open.

Josh was gently shaken out of his musings when Mike stopped at a traffic light and waited to turn left. “Is that it?” Josh asked him, indicating the parking lot of the Wal-Mart Supercenter they were about to turn into. 

“That’s it. And I’m assuming that’s the truck stop she called from,” Mike said pointing off to their right.

The light turned green and Mike turned and drove into the parking lot. “You might as well leave your things here. No use carrying them inside,” he said, referring to not only Josh’s personal things but the packets of money and new IDs and other papers that Mike had put together for both Josh and Donna. 

“Right,” Josh said.

Mike pulled into a space, turned off the engine and handed Josh the keys. “Try not to destroy the car, the Bureau kind of frowns on that.”

“I’ll do my best,” Josh said with a little smirk as they got out and locked it up. It took all he had not to break into a run to get inside...to get to her, but he forced himself to follow Mike’s lead.

Walking in through the automatic doors, Josh and Mike saw that the small McDonald’s was inside and directly on their right. And there, in a booth by herself, wearing his old Harvard sweatshirt, a baseball cap to hide her blonde hair and flipping through a magazine like it was any ordinary day...was Donna.

As they approached the table, she must have sensed the movement because she looked up. Past the point of exhaustion, she couldn’t hide the expression that flashed over her face. Not from Josh anyway. First it was surprise, then it was extreme unhappiness. Not an “I’m going to cry” kind of unhappiness, but an “I’m going to break someone in two” unhappiness.

“Hey,” Mike said quietly as they stopped at her table.

Donna was in no mood for the pleasantries. “What the hell is HE doing here?” she asked Mike pointedly.

‘Well,’ Josh thought. ‘So much for her throwing herself gratefully into my arms.’


	8. Chances

Chapter 8 

Donna thought how strange it was to be equally filled with two such completely opposite emotions. On the one hand, she wanted to burst into tears and basically throw herself at Josh, but on the other, she was angry that he was there, angry that he was putting himself in danger by being anywhere near her. She was also in no mood to listen to him tell her why she should go back to D.C. or let Mike put her back in protective custody.

At her words to Mike, she saw Josh’s face go from what was best described as hopeful and even...happy, to stunned and then guarded and finally closed. Part of her ached at having to be the one that had done that to him and she knew if someone else had done it, she would have wanted to rip their throat out.

“It’s good to see you, too, Donna,” Josh said coldly. “And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t refer to me like I wasn’t in the room.”

“I don’t want you here,” she snapped in a voice still rough from coughing. “Besides, don’t you have a country to run?” 

Josh glared at her. This wasn’t going at all like he had imagined. Why was she being so hostile? What happened between ‘eat your vegetables, I’ll miss you’ and ‘what the hell is he doing here?’

Mike jumped in before Josh could respond. “Why don’t we sit down?” he said casually. 

“I don’t want you to sit down. I want you to give me the car keys and the stuff you promised so I can get out of here,” she replied.

Mike ignored her and slid onto the bench across from her. Josh followed his lead and sat down next to him. “Why don’t we keep our voices down?” Mike said tightly. “The three of us having a shouting match in the middle of Wal-Mart is not my idea of keeping a low profile.” 

“I was keeping a low profile until you two showed up,” Donna hissed back at him.

“We need to talk,” Mike told her.

“No, I need to get the hell out of here,” she said in a harsh whisper. Then she shifted her gaze to Josh. “And if you came along to argue with me about going back into protective custody you can save your breath, because it’s not happening.”

Josh met her gaze steadily. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Donna blinked in surprise. “You wouldn’t?”

“That’s not why I’m here,” he replied.

She frowned. “Then why are you here?” Had he just come because he missed her? Did he just want to see she was okay and send her on her way?

“Because I’m coming with you.”

Her heart dropped and Donna felt a wave of dizziness rush over her. If she’d been standing, she probably would have wound up on the floor. “No,” she whispered.

Josh saw her go pale and began to realize that maybe she wasn’t quite as mad as she’d been letting him think. He worked hard to take the heat and snarkiness out of his words. “Yep. Since you’re not coming back to D.C., I’m coming with you.”

Donna quickly began to recover from the shock of his announcement. “No, you can’t...I don’t...no...I won’t have it.” she said. 

“You won’t have it?” Josh said with a laugh. Her being scared was one thing, but he didn’t like her talking to him like he was some kind of flunky she could order around. “I’m sorry, but you don’t have a choice.”

But by then, she wasn’t listening to him. He couldn’t come with her. If he did, he’d die just like the others. Panic grabbed her by the throat. The urge to run far and fast was screaming in her head...in her heart. 

Picking up her purse she shoved the magazine into it. “This was a mistake,” she said.

“What do you mean?” Mike said.

Without an answer, Donna snatched up her purse and the duffle bag full of everything she’d bought, and slid out of the booth. Looping both straps over her head, she started for the exit.

“Wait,” Josh said as he and Mike scrambled up to go after her. For being tired and loaded down with the bags, she was moving surprisingly fast. Josh also frowned to see that she was also limping slightly.

“Before you go, we need to talk,” Mike said as they caught up to her.

She ignored them and kept on walking. 

“What was a mistake?” Josh demanded as they walked out the exit and into the early morning air. 

“Telling him where I was,” she said as she stormed across the parking lot. “I knew I should have just caught the next bus out of town but, noooooo, I had to care enough to call and say, ‘hey’ I’m not dead and don’t worry I’ll still stand up and do my civic duty at the trial!” she ranted. “I should have known you’d talk him into bringing you along so you could try and stop me from leaving!” 

“I told you, I’m not here to stop you!” Josh yelled back. “I’m just going with you.”

She stopped in her tracks and whirled on him. “Oh, no you’re not! You’re going to go back to D.C. and leave me alone.” 

“I didn’t come all this way to turn back now! Yell at me all you want, but I AM coming with you!” Trying to dispel some of his anger he let out a breath and softened his tone. “I didn’t want to admit it at first but you’re right, they probably can’t protect you so disappearing is probably the best thing right now...as long as I come with you.”

Donna stared at him, then shook her head, turned and started walking across the parking lot again. “No, it’s too dangerous for you to come along.”

“Don’t I get any say in it?” Josh asked her.

“No! You don’t.” She had to get away from him. Digging out a pair of sunglasses, she shoved them on and kept walking.

“Well, I don’t care what you say, I’m coming with you, anyway,” Josh shot back. “You need me and you know it. Besides, I’ve got the car keys! Now stop making this so hard and get in the car!”

Even though they were in a fairly empty area of the parking lot, Mike noticed they were garnering more attention than he liked. “Okay, guys, a screaming match in the parking lot of Wal-Mart is not an improvement.”

Donna ignored Mike and the headache building at the base of her skull and the slightly light headed feeling it was giving her. “I don’t want to get in the car...in fact, maybe I...I don’t even NEED the stupid car!” The walk across the parking lot and the yelling made her start coughing. Luckily she’d shoved a pack of cough drops in the pocket of her jeans, so she pulled one out.

“Oh, and just how are you going to get around?” Josh shot back as she popped a cough drop in her mouth. “What…are you going to WALK away from the bad guys?!”

“I could take a bus or the train or…” She fumbled around for something else. “…Or maybe some nice truck driver will give me a ride,” she said, pointing to the busy truck stop across the street.

“YOU’RE GOING TO HITCH HIKE?!!” Josh yelled as he ran a hand roughly through his hair in outraged disbelief.

“Maybe…” she said, although she wasn’t so sure of herself now. Saying it out loud, made her realize that hitchhiking didn’t exactly sound like the smartest or safest idea in the world.

“NOT WHILE THERE’S BREATH LEFT IN MY BODY YOU’RE NOT!!” Josh yelled back.

“Is everything all right here?” a calm, deep voice asked from behind them.

The three of them fell into instant silence and turned to see a young, solidly built man dressed as a store security guard looking at them warily.

“Yes, sir,” Mike said calmly. “My friends are just having a difference of opinion.” He didn’t want to pull out his FBI ID unless he was forced to.

The guard, his name tag listed his name as “Curtis,” looked at them skeptically. “Ma’am?” he said directing his attention solely at Donna.

Belatedly, she realized that Mike had been telling them to quiet down. Now she saw just how much attention they’d been attracting. She let out a breath. “Yes, sir, I’m fine. I’m sorry we were making so much noise. We were having an argument and I guess the yelling got out of hand.”

He nodded. “Well, please keep it down or I’ll have to call the police and ask them to intervene,” he said. “I’m also going to need to ask you to move along.”

“We were just leaving officer,” Mike put in. 

The guard gave them a nod, but didn’t move. Clearly, he was waiting to see if they were going to move along or not.

“Yes, let’s go,” Josh said with exaggerated casualness as he gently but firmly took hold of her arm. The muscles under his hand were fairly vibrating with tension.

“Sure, no problem,” she told him in a voice gone ice cold as she let him lead her off toward what she supposed was the car.

Mike followed behind them. Once they’d walked to the next aisle of cars, he glanced back and saw the guard heading back toward the store. “He’s going inside,” he told them. “Come on, the car’s over this way.”

“Good, then he can stop manhandling me,” she snapped, yanking her arm out of Josh’s grasp. “And I’m not getting in the car.”

“Oh, yes you are,” Josh shot back. He didn’t try to take her arm again, but he stayed close enough to her that he could easily catch her if she made a run for it.

“No, Josh, I’m really not.” 

“Yes, you are.”

Mike rolled his eyes. It was like dealing with two squabbling children. “I tell you what, if you both get in the car you can scream at each other to your heart’s content.”

Still ignoring Mike, Donna stopped and turned to Josh. “You know what, Josh, you don’t get to tell me what to do anymore...cause, I...I quit,” she said trying to see if that tactic would work.

Josh barely paused a beat. “Impervious,” he shot back.

She stared at him in shock, she’d never been on the receiving end of the ‘impervious’ maneuver and didn’t quite know what to say. “You, you...you can’t be impervious...only I can be impervious,” she stammered.

“Of course I can be impervious,” Josh replied. “Besides, I’m not your boss anymore.”

“I know! I told you I quit.”

“That has nothing to do with it.”

“What do you mean?” She frowned

“I mean, that I stopped being your boss when I gave Leo my resignation,” he replied. “I’m just here as your friend.”

There was a buzzing in her ears as she stared at him. “You...you resigned?” she whispered. “For me?”

Josh nodded. “Well, I can’t exactly be Deputy and move around with you for the next six months now can I?”

The enormity of what he was saying, that he’d given up the thing he loved most in the world, the thing that basically defined him, simply overwhelmed her already over taxed brain and body. The buzzing in her ears...in her head became deafening and she felt the world begin to slide away. 

The next thing she remembered was the feeling of Josh’s arms going around her. She didn’t faint exactly, she’d just sort of faded out for half a minute. Of course, she also succeeded in scaring the crap out of both Josh and Mike…not to mention herself.

The weakness fed into her already simmering anger and even though she was still a bit unsteady on her feet, she forced herself to push away from Josh. Given the fact that she’d given it her all and still only managed to push at him weakly, showed just how exhausted she was.

“I’m all right. Let me go,” she protested softly as she tried to ignore the look of concern on Josh’s face.

Josh eased his arms away from her but continued to stand right next to her in case it happened again. “Fine, you’re all right, but why don’t you just humor Mike and me and come sit down in the car?”

Rather than speaking to Josh, she turned to Mike and squared her shoulders. “I don’t want to get in the car at all, at least not with anyone else. I just want to get out of here...” She gave Josh a quick, but pointed look. “...by myself.” She turned back to Mike and let out a breath. “Look, I know you meant well by bringing him here, but the best thing you can do is take him back to D.C.”

Mike glanced from her to Josh. From the way Josh had his jaw clenched, Mike knew he was trying to keep from yelling at Donna. Mike decided it might be time for a new approach. ”Josh, can you give us just a minute?”

Josh opened his mouth to protest, but then closed it again. He hated the way she was trying to ignore him and negate his very presence, plus he didn’t want to be too far from her if she had another one of those fainting spells, but if talking to Mike alone would help convince her to let him come along, then he could live with it. “Okay, I’ll wait over by the car.”

Mike nodded and watched Josh walk over to the car, which was about 50 yards away. Then he turned back to Donna. “I won’t take Josh back to D.C.,” he told her. “I understand why you won’t go back into protective custody, but you need someone to go with you. Someone to watch your back.” He kept his gaze steady on hers. “Josh can do that for you. He WANTS to do that for you.”

“I can’t believe you’re taking his side on this,” she replied, feeling her heart sink. She’d been hoping to get Mike to help convince Josh to go home, but it was becoming clear that Mike was going to side with Josh.

“Donna, it’s not about taking sides,” Mike said. “Josh just wants to help you...and so do I.” 

“But Mike, you of all people know how dangerous it is for him to come with me.”

“It’s dangerous for him back in D.C. too,” he pointed out. “You and I are not the only ones who know about the documents. Someone might see that as a loose end.”

Her tired mind hadn’t really considered that. “But I think you’ll agree that it could be more dangerous for him to come with me,” she argued.

“I don’t know that I agree with that at all. Once you find somewhere to settle down, it could be a whole lot safer for him. Besides, he knows the risks and he’s willing to take them.”

“Well, maybe I’m not,” she said softly. If something happened to him, she couldn’t live with herself.

“You need him, Donna, and he needs you...you need each other,” Mike told her gently. “Together you guys make a great team. If I know you’re looking out for each other, I won’t be so worried.”

Suddenly Donna felt immensely tired. The fight and the fear seemed to evaporate out of her, leaving her numb and empty. “I can’t fight both of you,” she said softly.

Mike could see her acceptance. “Come on, the car’s just over here.”

He led her over to the car where Josh was leaning against the driver’s door. Although he was concerned by the definite slump in her shoulders and the fact that she still didn’t seem to be willing to acknowledge his presence, Josh was glad to see that at least she was coming with Mike willingly.

Afraid that he might make her angry again, Josh stayed out of the way as Mike put Donna in the backseat and loaded her duffle bag into the trunk. “She okay?” Josh asked quietly after Mike had closed her door.

“Yeah, I think she’s just tired and scared,” Mike paused. “Josh, don’t take all she said personally, she’s been through a lot.”

Josh ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I know.”

“Just in case the security guard comes back, why don’t you drive us across the street to the truck stop so I can talk to her for a few minutes before you guys take off.”

“Okay,” Josh nodded. 

Mike went around and got into the back seat with Donna and Josh slid into the driver’s seat. He drove them across to the truck stop and parked the car in a semi-isolated area that couldn’t be seen from the highway.

When he turned off the engine, he heard Donna open her door and thought that she was going to try and make a break for it. He turned around to say something, but saw that while she did have one foot hanging outside, almost like she was poised to run, she had settled herself back in her seat.

“Donna, tell me what happened last night.” Mike said gently.

“Couldn’t I write it down later and send it to you or something?” she replied. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“I know you don’t, but I need you to. If I’m going to catch the people that did this, I need to know exactly what happened,” he replied. “Besides, you should do it when it’s all still fresh in your mind.” Pulling out a small tape recorder, he laid it on the seat between them and switched it on.

Donna stared out the open car door for a long moment, then, closing her eyes, she leaned her head against the door frame and started to speak in a voice rough with emotion, smoke, overuse and simple tiredness. “It wasn’t that late when they came, maybe 8...we were all still up.” 

“Just for the record, Donna, who was ‘we’? Who was with you in the house?”

“Agent Patterson and Agent Reyes.”

“Okay, go on,” Mike told her.

“I was in the bathroom when it happened. The lights went out. I came out of the bathroom and was about to call out to Agent Reyes when there was a loud crash and then a gunshot...the shot was what made me run to the safe room. Most of what I heard next came through the vent...”

Haltingly, with quiet words and barely restrained tears, she went on to tell Mike how she’d recognized the voice of the man who’d been in her apartment, that he’d been joined by two other men who’d searched the house while he’d interrogated and tortured Agent Reyes and how she’d heard one of his cohorts call him ‘Stone.’ 

Josh listened silently from the driver’s seat as she then she described how Agent Reyes had lied to protect her and then died for it. When she told Mike how she’d smelled the fire, climbed out the window and hiked back to town, Josh gripped the steering wheel hard. To come so close to losing her again tore him up inside and once again, he knew that he’d made the right decision to come after her. Silently, he vowed to stick with her like glue and do all he could to protect her, no matter how mad it made her.

“…and that’s when I called you from one of the pay phones out in front,” she said as she finished telling Mike the story. “Then I went across the street to Wal-Mart and used a little of the money Josh gave me to buy some things since I got out of the house with nothing but this outfit and my purse.” 

“Did you actually SEE any of the three assailants?” He was hoping she’d be able to give him a physical description of the two new men.

“No,” she said with a sigh. “I was in the safe room the whole time they were in the house. I only heard their voices.”

“Was there anything else they said that might help to identify them? An accent or maybe something that they said?” he asked her.

Lifting her head, Donna considered that. “No, I don’t think so. Stone did most of the talking, but...oh, wait,” her voice trailed off as she remembered. “You know one of them did have a slight accent.”

“What kind of accent?” 

“Boston, I think,” she said. 

Mike nodded. “But you’re sure that the man they called ‘Stone’ was the same man who was in your apartment?”

Donna paused a moment. “Yes, I’m positive.”

“His voice was that clear?” Mike asked. He had to be sure. A lawyer would ask the same thing in a trial.

A chill went through her as she remembered. “Yes, it was that clear,” she said. “But that’s not what makes me so sure.”

“What do you mean?”

Donna’s voice took on a slightly mechanical tone when she spoke. “Just before they set the house on fire, Stone sent the other two outside and then he started moving through the house firing his gun over and over again. At the time I didn’t know why, but when I came out of the safe room and went to close the bedroom door I saw that...” her voice trailed off.

Mike could see it was hard for her to get the words out. “It’s okay, Donna. Take your time.”

She swallowed again forcing herself to tell him...forcing herself to remember. “I saw...saw that he’d shot through every door, all the ones that I could see from my bedroom anyway.”

Instantly, Mike and Josh both knew what she meant. When Mike had interviewed her in the hospital ER, she’d told them that Stone had asked her how she’d managed to hide from him in Amy’s office.

“Oh, I see,” Mike reached out and switched off the recorder. “Okay, Donna, I think that’s all I need,” he said sliding it into his pocket.

Donna’s hands toyed restlessly with the strap of her purse. “I’m sorry, Mike, I’m sorry that I didn’t do more to save them.”

Josh wanted to say something. To tell her to stop blaming herself, but he wasn’t sure she was ready to hear it. She was clearly exhausted and still in some shock over what had happened to her the night before.

“It wasn’t your fault, Donna. You did exactly what you were supposed to do,” Mike told her. “You have nothing to be sorry for. If you’d come out of hiding, he only would have killed you too.”

Donna swallowed. ‘I know and that’s why I didn’t come out, but…” her voice trailed off. “I still wish I could have done more. They were good agents, Mike. I liked them and they deserved better.”

“Yes, they did, Donna, which is why, with your help, I’m going to find the men that killed them and put them behind bars.” Mike paused. “It wasn’t your fault, Donna,” he repeated. “If you want to blame someone, blame the three bad guys, not yourself.”

Donna mulled that over, but wasn’t ready to comment on it. “So you said that’s all you need from me?”

Mike looked at his watch. “Yeah, I should be going. I’m going to go use one of the pay phones in front to call a cab so it can’t be traced back to my cell.” He glanced at Josh, then looked back at Donna. “Everything you’ll need is in the trunk. I gave Josh a rundown of everything I put together for both of you.” 

Donna looked at him for a minute. “Mike, there is someone else that I’m a little worried about.”

Mike frowned. “Oh, who’s that?”

“You,” she said. “You know all about the documents and if this thing goes as high as you think, you’re going to be sticking your nose in some dangerous places when you really start investigating.” She glanced at the back of Josh’s head. “You could very well be another one of those ‘loose ends’.”

“Yeah, that occurred to me,” he replied. “And I’ve got some ideas on how to keep myself alive.”

“Just be careful,” she told him.

He was a little touched by her concern. If Josh wasn’t a factor maybe he’d...well, no use going there because Josh was very much a factor. Mike wondered what the two of them would do during 6 months of ‘alone time’. They’d probably kill each other or they’d figure out what was already obvious to everyone else.

“I will, I promise.” He held out his hand to her. “Good luck, Donna.”

“Thanks, Mike,” she said shaking his hand and trying to give him a smile.

Reaching forward, he clapped Josh on the shoulder. “Take it easy, Josh.”

“Thanks, Mike,” he said, echoing Donna’s sentiment.

With a nod, Mike opened the door and climbed out of the car. “Oh, Mike!” Donna called after him. 

He leaned down and peered back into the car. “Yes?”

“Aren’t you going to ask where we’re going?” 

“No, it’s better that I don’t know, at least at this point,” he told her. “But I’d recommend that you head somewhere neither of you has been or has ties to. No visiting Sam in California. Once you get settled just follow the directions I included in your packets on how to contact me without giving away your location.”

“Okay,” she replied.

“Bye.”

“Bye,” she called back as he closed the door. 

Donna watched Mike walk across the parking lot to the truck stop and disappear around the corner of the building. Her gaze shifted to Josh who was still sitting in the driver’s seat staring out the front window. Now that she was alone with him, a huge, awkward silence mushroomed in the car. 

Unable to take it any longer, Josh slowly turned around to look at her. “Do you want to stay in the back seat?” he asked her simply. “You could stretch out and get some rest.”

Even as tired as she was, Donna doubted that she’d be able to sleep, especially now that she had to worry about him too. “No,” she said quietly. “But I need to get some things out of my bag in the trunk.”

Josh nodded and climbed out of the car and walked around to the back, Donna followed suit and met him there. He opened the trunk for her and stepped out of the way. Unzipping her duffle bag, she pulled out a large road atlas and two small bottles of water she’d purchased at Wal-Mart. Handing one of the bottles to Josh, she closed the trunk and went around and got into the front passenger seat.

Silently, Josh came around and got behind the wheel again. They both sat there quietly for a few moments, Josh staring out the window and Donna thumbing through the atlas. He was the one who ended up speaking first.

“You know,” he began. “We’re alone in the car now. I know you’re not happy about me being here, but I’m not going anywhere so if you want to yell at me some more and get it out of your system, go ahead.”

Donna closed the atlas and laid her clasped hands on top of it. “I don’t want to yell at you Josh,” she said quietly. “I’m too tired to yell anymore.”

He stared down at her hands and made two slightly disconcerting realizations. The first was that she had a thin strip of gauze wrapped around her left hand. The second was that even when she had them clasped them together, her hands visibly shook. What he’d thought was simply nervous movement had been trying to hide the fact that her hands were trembling badly. Without a word, he reached out and covered her clasped hands with his.

The gentle touch of his warm hand on her skin, seemed to break something inside her and the words were quietly falling from her mouth before she could stop them. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you and right now I’m not the safest person to be around,” she whispered.

Josh gave her hands a squeeze. He saw now that she’d been angry because she’d been frightened something would happen to him. The thought made any of his own anger or resentment at her earlier reaction to seeing him disappear.

“Don’t worry about me,” he told her with a little grin. “I hear the woman I’m tagging along with is pretty good at taking care of herself. I’ll stick with her and I’ll be fine.”

Donna found herself chuckling a little wetly at the idea. “Yeah, that’s me, Wonder Woman,” she said, pulling one of her hands out from under his to wipe at her eyes.

“I was always kind of partial to Bat Girl myself,” he said, trying to lighten the mood a bit. “I think it was the high heel boots and the motorcycle.”

She smiled back at him tiredly. “You know, Wonder Woman had high heel boots too and she also had the cool gold bracelets and the invisible airplane. She would have kicked Bat Girl’s ass.”

“Hmmmm, now there’s a girl fight I’d like to have a ring side seat for.”

“You’re a pig sometimes, you know that?”

He grinned at her. “Oh, yeah, like that’s a news flash.” Donna just rolled her eyes and Josh felt like things were a little better between them. “Now, where are we headed?” he asked.

“I haven’t decided yet, can we just go west for a while?”

“Sure,” he said starting the engine.

After stopping just long enough to fill up the gas tank at the truck stop, Josh pulled out and got on the highway. They made their way west on I-80 which would eventually take them into Ohio. For the most part, the drive was quiet and uneventful. They didn’t talk much. Donna was too preoccupied and tired and Josh felt like they’d established a fragile truce and he didn’t want to say the wrong thing and break it, so he just concentrated on the road. Before too long though Donna started to relax enough to let her exhaustion take over and without even realizing it, her head fell back against the headrest and she drifted off to sleep.

Thankfully, she slept so deeply that she didn’t dream, at least not that she remembered. When she surfaced next it was like someone had snapped their fingers. She was instantly alert and awake, but felt slightly disoriented. 

“What…?” she said, looking around. 

“You okay?” Josh asked with a little frown. She’d awakened so suddenly it had even startled him and he was a little worried that she’d had a nightmare or something.

“Where are we?” she asked with a renewed cough, rather than answering his question.

“We should be crossing into Ohio in a few minutes.” 

“Ohio? How long was I asleep?”

He glanced at his watch. “Almost 4 hours.”

“4 hours? Really?” she asked surprised as she popped another cough drop in her mouth. She probably hadn’t slept four hours in a row since she’d left Josh at the hospital.

“Yeah, you were really out too,” he commented. “You feeling any better?”

She shifted in her seat. “I’m sore and a little stiff, but okay.” Pulling off the baseball cap her hair fell down around her shoulders and she ran a hand through her hair.

Josh glanced over at her and noticed that she had a small bandage on her forehead. He hadn’t noticed it before because up until then it had been covered by the cap. He made a mental note to take a closer look at it and her hand when they stopped for the night.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been more help with the navigating,” she said.

He shrugged. “Well, so far there hasn’t been much navigating. I just stayed on I-80 going west like you wanted.” He smiled at her. “Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance to tell me what to do. I know how much you like that.”

It was on the tip of her tongue to say something about giving her the car keys and him getting on the next plane to D.C., but she was still feeling too tired to start what would surely be another argument, so she bit back the comment and remained silent.

Josh felt the slightly awkward silence stretch between them and tried to fill it. “Actually, it’s good that you’re awake,” he said. “I need to get gas pretty soon and it’s a little after twelve, so I thought maybe we could get something to go while we gas up.”

Donna almost said she wasn’t hungry, but she was surprised to find that she WAS a little hungry. Part of that was due to the fact that she hadn’t eaten since she had the soup and cocoa at the truck stop and part had to do with Josh being there. “Okay, that sounds good.”

Just after they passed into Ohio, Josh saw a large gas station right off the interstate and it even had a Subway Sandwich place next to it, so he got off at the next exit and pulled into it. Donna was still feeling a little leery about being out among people, so except for making a bathroom stop, she stayed in the car while he pumped the gas and went and got them something to eat.

Once they were settled with the foot long turkey breast sub he’d had split in half so they could share, they got back on I-80 and headed west again. They ate in a semi-comfortable silence that lasted the rest of the afternoon. 

About the only thing they did talk about was what had happened in D.C. since Donna had been gone. There were actually two big stories in the White House right then. The first was the President’s trip to Brussels next week to sign his new European trade agreement that Josh himself had been the point person on. Although about 90% of the work on the agreement was done, without Josh there the responsibility of finishing it had fallen to Toby. Donna chalked up another reason to feel guilty. She knew if Josh was in D.C. he’d not only be getting great kudos from the President for all his work on the agreement, but he’d be going on the trip.

The other big story was the fact that Toby was up in arms about Andi’s plan to take a delegation of Congressmen to the Middle East within the next month. Pretty much everyone in the White House from Leo and the President down to Ed and Larry thought it was a terrible idea.

As guilty as she felt and as much as she wanted him to be away from her and safe, the longer she was around Josh, the more Donna felt herself begin to settle. For the first time in days, it didn’t feel like she was coming out of her skin. It was a very good feeling.

Given the fact that Donna was still tired and they were really on their own time table and had no where they had to rush off to...nowhere specific anyway, they stopped a little early for the night at a Motel 6 just west of Cleveland near the small town of Elyria, Ohio. 

Since they were both traveling pretty light it didn’t take long to unload the car. Donna was thankful for that as she couldn’t have taken too much walking. Her whole body ached and her feet, especially the left one, hurt terribly, she guessed from a blister. Although she tried to hide it, she couldn’t make herself walk without a pronounced limp.

A limp that didn’t go unnoticed by Josh. He watched her for a long moment as she sat down heavily on one of the two full size beds.

“So you want anything to eat? I could go get us something,” he asked her quietly as he sat down on the opposite bed.

“No, I’m fine, but if you want something, go ahead.”

“Nah, that’s all right. I’m actually more tired than hungry right now.” He paused and watched her legs moving a bit restlessly, like she was really uncomfortable. Physically uncomfortable, not because of him. “Is your leg bothering you?” he asked her.

“No,” she replied with a frown. ‘I’m stiff from walking so much and then riding in the car, but…why do you ask?”

“You’re limping.”

“Oh, well, actually, it’s not my legs, it’s my feet. I’m pretty sure my blisters have blisters,” she said. “I wasn’t wearing any socks and these sneakers are new.”

“Why weren’t you wearing any socks?”

“I…I…” she swallowed. “I forgot to get some when…when I was getting out of the house.”

He felt badly for bringing it up. How could he not have realized that? “Oh, right,” he answered somewhat lamely. “Why didn’t you buy some flip flops to wear when you were shopping this morning? You would have been more comfortable.”

When she didn’t answer him, he pressed her gently. “Donna?”

“I can’t run in flip flops,” she said quietly.

And he realized then that ever since he’d seen her in Wal-Mart, she’d been poised to run. Not that he could blame her. If he’d been through everything she had, he’d be ready to run too.

“Well,” he let out a breath. I guess you have a point there.”

“I thought about trying to take care of the blisters this morning, but I was a little afraid if I took my shoes off, I wouldn’t be able to get them back on again,” she added quietly. “Plus, I didn’t think the bathroom at Wal-Mart was exactly sanitary.”

“Yeah, I see what you mean,” he said with a little smile. “Did you get any band-aids and first aid stuff so we could cover them?”

She nodded. “In my bag.”

“Why don’t we go in the bathroom and have a look?”

She watched him for a moment. “Josh, you know that you’re not good with injuries and blood and...bodily fluids.”

She had a point there. “Well, I’m all you’ve got so I guess I’ll just have to get over being squeamish.”

“I think I could do it myself,” she said.

“Are you sure?”

Donna nodded. “Yes, let me just take off my shoes first, otherwise I don’t think I’ll be able to walk to the bathroom.”

Bending over, she untied the right one and slowly, painfully pulled it off. Her foot was filthy and sure enough she had a large blister on her pinky toe and an even larger one on her heel. The one on her heel had popped and the thin top layer of skin had been rubbed away.

Much to her dismay, when she tried to remove the left shoe, it wouldn’t come off and pain shot through her foot when she tried to force it. “Ow, dammit!” she hissed.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t get it off.”

Kneeling down in front of her, he looked down at the simple canvas tennis shoe and noticed for the first time that the back of it had a little blood on it. Some had soaked through the material and some was just peeking over the rim. He swallowed down the mini wave of nausea that threatened.

“Um, Donna, you’ve got blood on your shoe here, I think it’s dried enough to glue your shoe to your foot,” he told her. 

“How am I going to get it off?” she said with a worried little whine. “It really hurts, Josh.”

He thought a moment, then had an idea. ”I think I know.” Without another word, he stood and scooped her up into his arms.

“Josh! Put me down,” she insisted. She struggled...but only a little. After all, it wasn’t everyday that she found herself in his arms. Especially being carried in them.

“Oh, be quiet,” he said carrying her to the bathroom. “This is faster than waiting for you to hobble across the room.”

Luckily their bathroom had a tub shower instead of just a shower. Setting her down on the edge of the tub with her feet inside it, he turned on the water and closed the drain on the tub. “If we soak your feet in some water it should make it easier to get your foot out of your shoe,” he told her as he started to reach over to roll up the legs of her jeans as water began to fill the tub.

“You don’t have to do that,” Donna protested. She wasn’t used to him being quite so… attentive.

He batted her hands away lightly. “I don’t mind. It’s kind of nice taking care of you for a change. With you being so damn competent, I never get a chance.”

Donna felt herself tear up a bit. To say he thought she was ‘damn competent’ was probably one of the nicest things he’d ever said to her. “You take care of me, Josh.”

He glanced up at her and then went back to working on her pant legs. “Yeah, if you call working you everyday and to all hours of the night and then almost getting you killed taking care of you, then yeah.” 

He’d said it with a little self-effacing laugh, but Donna heard the guilt and apology behind his words. She laid her uninjured hand on his arm. “It wasn’t your fault, Josh,” she said quietly. “And you do take care of me.” When he opened his mouth to protest she covered it with her hand to stop him. “You gave me a job when I had no degree, no qualifications other than a desire to be valuable. You taught me more about politics than any time in college could have and if that isn’t enough I have two words for you…Cliff Calley.”

She pulled her hand away and dropped it into her lap. “And you’re here, aren’t you? You’re looking after me right now.” She stared at him. “I still can’t believe you resigned,” she said quietly.

Their gazes locked for a moment. “Well, you’ve spent more than 7 years looking after me, so I figured that the least I could do is spend the next 6 months looking after you,” he said. 

Pulling off his own shoes and socks, he rolled up his jeans and sat down next to her with his feet in the water too. “You know after we get your shoe off, why don’t you just take a bath? After the day you’ve had, I would imagine that it would make you feel better,” he suggested. “Then we can bandage your feet.”

“No, I…no…” she began.

He read just the hint of panic in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“I…I can’t.”

“Why not?” he asked with a frown as he turned off faucet and they sat there in the ankle high water with their feet submerged. When she didn’t answer he laid his hand gently on her arm. “Why can’t you, Donna?”

“I’m…” she bit her still healing lip. “I’m scared.”

“Stop biting your lip or it will never heal,” he chided her gently. “Now why would you be scared of taking a bath?”

“Because…I…they…” 

“It’s okay, Donna. Just take a breath and tell me.”

She took a slow breath in and then let it flow out. “When they came…at the safe house…when they came I was in…I’d just taken a bath…” 

“Donna…” he said gently.

She continued on. “I know it’s dumb…”

“Donna…”

“I’m just…I don’t want to be…”

“You don’t want to be in the bathtub if something happens,” he finished for her. She nodded. “Being in the bathtub makes you feel vulnerable.”

Her embarrassment made it hard to meet his eyes so her fingers toyed with the edge of her sweatshirt. “Like I said…pretty dumb.”

“Donna,” he chided as he put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a hug. “It’s not dumb. You just need to start feeling safe again and when you do, things like that won’t be so hard.”

She pressed her face against his shoulder, let the scent of him settle her. “I hope you’re right,” she mumbled against his shirt. 

“Tell you what,” he said, pulling back a bit. “I’ll make you a bet. $20 says that within a month of us settling down somewhere, you’ll be able to take a bath without breaking into a cold sweat.”

She sat back and looked at him. Just the hint of a smirk made the corner of her mouth turn up. “Just $20? You’re not very sure of yourself are you?”

Happy to see the fear was gone from her eyes, he gave her a bemused smile. “No, but I am sure of you.” Okay, so the comment had enough subtext to write a novel with and his voice had been a little husky when he’d said it, but he meant it. 

Dropping his arm from around her shoulders, he cleared his throat. “Now, let’s see if we can get your foot out of that shoe.” After pulling the drain plug to empty the tub, Josh tugged a white towel off the rack and laid it across his knee. While Donna held onto the side of the tub, he carefully swung her leg around until he could rest her calf on his knee.

First, he pulled the shoelace out and set it aside. Then he did a little gentle experimental pulling and although she hissed slightly because it still stung, Donna was happy to see her shoe come off without too much pain or trouble.

“Oh, Donna,” Josh murmured. “It’s a wonder you could walk at all.” 

In addition to a blister on her big toe and one on the side of her foot, the entire back of her heel had gone beyond a blister and was rubbed raw. It was clear that the reason it had been stuck to her shoe was that the area had bled fairly freely and a scab had formed between her foot and the shoe. Josh was just glad that the water had loosened and washed away most of the blood so he didn’t feel too queasy.

“Donna, I think this might be more than a Band-aid can handle. Did you buy any gauze or gauze pads?”

“Yes, but not a lot and I used it on my hand,” she said with an embarrassed little wave of her bandaged hand. “But I did get some of the really large Band-aids,” she told him. 

He almost asked about her hand and her forehead, but decided to wait until later. “Well, we may have to settle for that right now,” he said. “Tomorrow we’ll find another Wal-Mart Supercenter or something and get some more gauze and maybe some groceries. Let me go out and get your bag so I can help dress your feet,” he said as he carefully put her foot back down in the now empty tub and stood up.

Donna was touched by the fact that he was willing to help her with things that she knew make him queasy and it gave her just a little bit of courage. “Josh?” 

He paused at the door. “Yeah?”

“I think I might be able to manage taking a shower,” she said softly.

He knew it had taken a lot of courage for her to suggest that. “Okay,” he said simply, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. “Then you’ll need something clean to wear, so I’ll go get your bag anyway.”

After retrieving her duffle bag, Josh left her alone in the bathroom. Because she still felt a little apprehensive, she showered quickly, only taking about 5 minutes. The warm water and soap stung her feet and her hand, but felt wonderful otherwise. And when she got out and got a whiff of her other clothes, she realized just how smoky and sweaty she’d smelled. Dressing in a t-shirt and a clean pair of jeans, she again rolled up the legs so they wouldn’t touch her feet and because it would make it easier for Josh to help her dress her blisters.

“Josh?” she said opening the door to find him laying on one of the beds watching MSNBC. “I’m all ready,” she said.

At the sound of her opening the bathroom door, he’d turned and looked at her. With her hair damp and her face freshly scrubbed, she looked young and innocent...and yet there was something very old in her eyes. Something that hadn’t been there two weeks ago.

Leaving the TV on, Josh got up off the bed and came into the bathroom. Donna had already put all of the first aid stuff out on the counter. He had her sit down on the toilet lid and he sat on the edge of the tub with her calf resting on his knee. 

Donna watched him dress the wounds and blisters on her feet with gentle hands and marveled at the intimacy of the moment. Not intimate in a sexual way, but in a tender, caring way. Despite all that had happened and even though she was scared that something would happen to him if he was around her, it was one of the most precious moments she’d ever had with him.

“Thanks for doing this, Josh,” she said softly as he gently rubbed antibiotic ointment on her badly abused heel.

He looked up from her foot and smiled. “You’re welcome.”

“Sorry, I’m so dinged up,” she apologized.

Wiping his hands on a hand towel, he selected the largest Band-aid and peeled off the wrapper. “You’ve definitely got a couple new dings since I saw you last,” he said as he pressed it into place. Then he covered both her feet with a pair of soft, warm socks he’d packed in his bag. “You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you, what did you do to your head?”

“Oh, that...” Running her fingers gently over the spot, she was a little embarrassed that he’d noticed. “Nothing.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing.”

“I just…it’s stupid. I ran into a low hanging tree limb and it scratched me,” she explained, a little annoyed with herself. “I’m just lucky I didn’t put my eye out.”

He nodded. From where he was sitting, the cut on her forehead didn’t look too bad, so he decided to try and not push her about it. “And your hand?”

She looked down at it and realized she needed to re-bandage it. “Last night...in the woods...I fell. It was pretty hard to see where I was going in the dark. I think it was a rock, but by then I wasn’t exactly going stick around and find out.”

“Let me see it.”

“Josh, it’s not a big deal, I just need to re-bandage it.”

He held out his hand. “Give it here,” he said in a voice that left no room argument. She laid her hand in his, palm up.

Josh looked down at her palm. It occurred to him then just how natural her hand felt in his. Trying to ignore that thought, he studied the cut. A ragged 2 inch cut sliced across the pad of skin at the base of her thumb and over to the center of her hand.

“I bought some butterfly closures to keep it closed,” she told him.

“Well, if we were in D.C., I’d be hauling you to the emergency room to get it stitched,” he said, trying to tease her a little. “But it doesn’t look too deep, so I should be able to patch you up.”

He showed the same care with her hand that he had with her feet and it didn’t take him long to have the gouge on her palm re-bandaged. “There, all done. Now, I don’t know about you but, I’m tired. Why don’t we get some sleep?”

“I’m not quite ready yet. I think maybe I’ll watch some TV.”

“Don’t you think you want to try and sleep? I know it’s not that late, but we’ve got a lot of driving ahead of us tomorrow and you’ve got to be tired.”

She looked at him for a long moment, feeling like she was suddenly a neurotic bundle. “I…it’s been a little tough,” she finally admitted. 

“What? Sleeping?” he replied.

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m just afraid to let myself drift off.”

“Do you think you could sleep if I was, you know…” he suddenly felt a little unsure. He didn’t want to do anything that would upset her. “…holding you like that night in the hospital?”

She’d wanted to ask him that all along, but hadn’t quite been able to bring herself to say it. “I could try,” she said. “But I’m going to wear my jeans to bed.”

He knew that again the reason for her wanting to sleep in her clothes, rather than pajamas was to be ready to run. In try and make her feel more comfortable, he decided to sleep in the jeans and t-shirt he was wearing too. “Okay, come on,” he held out his hand and she put her uninjured hand in it. It was much easier to walk now that she wasn’t wearing shoes. “Get into bed,” he told her as he moved around the room, switching the lights off and checking that door was double locked.

‘Could you leave the TV on?” she asked as she slid into bed. “You could mute it…I don’t care what channel you leave it on. I just want the light.”

“Sure. No problem,” he said switching it to CNN and then turning down the sound.

Josh slid in next to her and pulled into his arms. As if they’d been sleeping like that forever, Donna pressed her cheek against his throat. Oh, how he’d missed the feeling of sleeping next to her in the last week. Except for the sound of the murmured voices from the TV, the room was quiet for a moment.

“I’m sorry to be so neurotic about everything,“ she said softly.

“Stop apologizing, you’re talking to the guy with PTSD, remember? Don’t be so hard on yourself, Donna. You’ve been through a lot. Most people would be ready for the nut house.” He paused. “Actually that’s not true. Most people wouldn’t have made it this far. You’re’ a remarkable woman, Donnatella Moss.”

“I’m not feeling so remarkable right now,” she admitted.

Josh tried not to notice how her warm breath had fluttered over his skin, as he tightened his arms around her. “Well, take it from me, you are.”

**********

As the moon rose high into the night sky, the blonde man that Donna knew as Stone, stood at a pay phone in the Cleveland Airport and dialed a D.C. cell number that he knew was secure and unregistered.

The line rang twice. “Yes?” the voice on the other end answered calmly.

“Tapestry,” Stone said.

There was a slight pause and he heard a short buzz he recognized as the sound of a jamming device being switched on. They had to be sure no one was listening. “Go ahead,” the voice said.

“I’m in position. I’ll pick up my car and then head out to intercept the target.”

“My sources tell me that she’s not traveling alone.” 

Stone frowned. “Lyman?” That was a complication he hadn’t counted on.

“Yes,” the voice answered. “And I have another bit of distressing news for you.”

“What’s that?”

“The man I have keeping tabs on Casper told me that until this morning, Casper was in D.C.”

“What about the trip to Baltimore so the target could give her deposition?” 

“There’s no record of it, official or unofficial.”

Rage billowed through him. “That bitch lied to me. I swear if she wasn’t already dead I would kill her.” 

“My guess is the target survived the fire and made contact with Casper,” the voice hypothesized.

“Having Casper involved has complicated things considerably,” Stone replied.

“Yes, it has. There’s no doubt about that.”

“If he wasn’t such a boy scout...”

“Remember, Stone, the world needs boy scouts, just like it needs us. Of course that doesn’t mean that the occasional boy scout can’t get eaten by a bear if he stumbles down the wrong path. If Agent Casper becomes too much of a problem, we may have to introduce him to the grizzly.” 

“When the time comes, I’ll be happy to do the honors myself,” Stone said.

“Do you have everything you need to complete your mission?” the voice asked.

Stone grinned. “Yes, thanks to the LoJack installed in the car Casper gave them, I know that they’re not far from here.” 

The voice on the other end didn’t answer for a long moment. “Are you sure about not taking any additional personnel with you?”

“Absolutely. She and Lyman shouldn’t pose much of a challenge. I don’t need anyone’s help to take them out,” Stone said. “This kill is mine.”


	9. Chances

Chapter 9

They both had a quiet night, although Donna got more sleep than Josh did since he spent a good portion of it watching her sleep. He was pleased to see that she had slept so deeply that she apparently hadn’t had any nightmares. When she woke she seemed more alert and less haunted. 

“Josh, um, I have a problem,” she told him when he came out of the bathroom after another quick shower.

“What?”

“I have no shoes to wear,” she told him. “The sneakers were all I had. The left one is still wet and even if it wasn’t, I don’t think I could get them on over my band-aids, much less walk in them.”

He thought for a minute. “Why don’t you wear my cross trainers? They’ll be too big for you obviously, but if we lace them tight enough I think you should be able to walk without tripping or them falling off. Then when we stop for some supplies, we’ll find you some shoes.”

“What are you going to wear?” she asked.

“I also brought a pair of loafers. I’ll wear them.”

Josh’s idea worked surprisingly well. Because of her height, Donna’s feet were by no means tiny, and his shoes were big enough that they didn’t swim on her feet and she still had enough room in his shoes to walk fairly comfortably as they loaded their things in the car.

“So, did you decide where you want to go?” he asked as they fastened their seatbelts.

“Yeah, I was looking at the map while you were in the shower. How about Chicago?” she suggested.

“Any special reason?” he said starting the car.

“I flipped a coin?” she said with a little grin.

Josh couldn’t help but grin back. It was good to see her smile, not to mention the banter. He’d missed the banter. What a difference a good night’s sleep made.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re looking at this as a chance to get to drive around and see the U.S. like we’re a couple of tourists?”

“Because, contrary to what anyone says, you’re a smart man, Joshua.”

“Well, I can’t argue with you there,” he said backing out of the space and pulling out of the hotel parking lot.

Their drive that day was long, but uneventful and the mood between them was much more relaxed. They grabbed a quick breakfast at a McDonald’s in the next Wal-Mart they saw and then they stocked up on a number of things. First aid supplies, a case of bottled water, food, toiletries, basically anything Donna had forgotten to get or hadn’t thought to get before, including, some new shoes.

They had a late lunch just after they crossed into Indiana and decided to stop for the night when they reached South Bend. They could have continued driving on into Chicago, but they would have gotten in a bit late and there really wasn’t a need to rush.

While there were nicer hotels and motels in South Bend, Donna talked Josh into stopping at the Tip Top Tepee Motor Lodge. Although she said it was because it was right off the freeway, cheap and no one would think to look for them in such a place, Josh suspected her motivation had to do with the fact that it was high on campy kitsch more than anything else. This was any Native American’s worst nightmare and oddly enough it reminded him of Camp Toneapaw, a summer camp he’d gone to when he was 13. It had been the first and last time his parents had made him go off to summer camp.

Even though the place had seen better days and Josh really wanted to stay somewhere else, you know, somewhere that didn’t have “Squaw” and “Brave” painted on the bathroom doors near the check-in desk, he really didn’t have the heart to deny Donna. She’d been excited to stay there and, he figured, it would just be for one night. 

The rooms occupied three single-storied buildings, all done in a log cabin style with tepees on top of each one and pictures of tepees and just about anything else that was remotely Indian, or pretended to be Indian, splattered over everything that hadn’t had the sense to move. Josh had even half expected the desk clerk to be dressed like a bad imitation of Sitting Bull, but the woman that checked them in was dressed normally, although from the looks of it, she had seen better days too.

The one bright spot was that there was a pizza joint nearby that delivered so they had what turned out to be a first rate pepperoni and mushroom pizza for dinner. After they’d polished off the pizza, Donna, who’d been too tired the night before, took the opportunity to take a look at the portfolio of things that Mike had sent along for them.

“I can’t believe all this stuff,” Donna remarked from the small table by the window. 

Josh, who’d been laying on the room’s single king sized bed watching MSNBC, got up and walked over to her. “I know, it’s pretty amazing what he was able to pull together on such short notice.”

“Amazing doesn’t quite cover it. There’s everything here that I ever thought of and a whole bunch of stuff I didn’t.” She looked down at the carefully sorted piles she’d made. “No less then THREE sets of driver’s licenses and matching credit cards in different names, including one from Pennsylvania in the name of...” she squinted at the cards she was holding. “Janice Sherman.” She made a face. “Janice? I don’t look like a Janice.”

Josh grinned as he pulled out his own wallet. Mike had made him surrender all his old ID before they left D.C. “It’s better than what he gave me,” he pulled his license out and showed it to her. “Hi, I’m Bob Sherman.”

Donna didn’t comment about the fact that Mike had apparently made them married...or siblings. Married, definitely married, the idea of them being siblings just gave her the willies. 

“How did he get our pictures so fast? I mean this looks like it came right off my old license,” she wondered aloud.

“I think license pictures are basically electronic now. I think he just pulled it out of a database and had it printed in a new card.”

“Just out of curiosity, how did you pay for the room last night? You didn’t use a credit card did you?”

“No, I paid cash. Even though the credit cards are supposed to be untraceable, Mike said to use cash whenever possible and save the cards for emergencies.”

Donna nodded and looked back down at the rest of the items on the table. “There’s even 4 disposable cell phones, communication protocols on how to code and leave and retrieve messages on a public, untraceable Yahoo message board and Fed Ex shipping info if Mike needs to send us something. Not to mention the cash,” she said, pointing to the neat stack of traveling money totaling somewhere around $5,000.

He grinned a little at her almost childlike excitement over the contents. “Well, it’s good to know that the FBI isn’t completely wasting our tax dollars,” he replied. “Now put the toys away and let’s get some sleep.”

**********

Josh woke in the middle of the night. He didn’t know what had woken him…if anything. As he expected, the TV was still on and turned to CNN, but the sound was muted so he didn’t imagine that had woken him. Right beside him, curled against his chest, Donna was sleeping peacefully.

For a moment, he lay in the flickering half-light from the TV and listened for anything that sounded out of the ordinary. When he didn’t hear anything, except maybe for the occasional soft sounds of traffic moving by on the street in front of the motel, he chalked his wakefulness up to paranoia and being in a new place and attempted to go back to sleep.

But a half hour later he hadn’t managed to do much more than doze lightly and even that had been VERY lightly. It was as if his senses were on some kind of high alert and wouldn’t turn off. Glancing at the timestamp on the TV, he saw it was only a little after 2 am. He would need to get some sleep if he was going to be fresh for driving into Chicago tomorrow. On the other hand, Donna had volunteered to help him with the driving, so if he got too tired, they could switch for a while and he could take a nap.

Since he was up, he decided to use the bathroom and get a drink of water. Carefully sliding out of bed so he didn’t wake Donna, he stood there for a moment watching her. In her sleep, she reached out and pulled his pillow in close to cuddle with it. He smiled down at her and pulled the covers up over her and his pillow so she wouldn’t get cold. He noted that with her laying like that and the covers rumpled like they were, it looked like he was still in bed with her. He hoped that would keep her asleep while he was in the bathroom.

Picking up the half empty bottle of water he’d left on the night stand, he shuffled across the worn carpet to the bathroom. He managed to stifle a groan that wanted to escape. His back was one big knot. Between the driving and the terrible bed they were sleeping on he was feeling a little bit like a pretzel. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t sleep.

Once again seeing the large mural of what was probably someone’s idea of Custer’s Last Stand painted on the main wall of their room, he did manage a little grin. He was all for interesting places to stay but this place was a little too much…yuck. The walls were faded and the paint peeling in spots, the lamps on each side of the bed had tepee-shaped shades and worst of all, the bed was lumpy, as his sore back would attest. He’d just have to talk Donna into stopping some place nicer next time. Even Motel 6 looked like the Palace Hotel compared to this place.

After emptying his semi-full bladder and washing his hands, he stood in the bathroom and stretched hard for a few minutes to try and work some of the soreness and stiffness out of his back.

Uncapping the water bottle, he took a drink and as he did, he saw a bottle of Advil on the counter. Just what he needed for his back. 

He would have closed the door and turned on the light, but he knew that the bathroom had a very noisy fan that automatically started when you turned the light on and the bathroom door squeaked horribly and he didn’t want to wake Donna. He moved a little deeper into the bathroom so that if he spilled the bottle or dropped it, Donna hopefully wouldn’t hear it.

Finally wrestling the lid off, he popped two Advil in his mouth and washed them down with the rest of the bottle of water. There was no way he was drinking water that came out of these pipes. Showering in it had been bad enough. Drinking it would probably have given him lead poisoning. 

Deciding that he’d at least try and give sleeping another shot, he turned and moved to the doorway of the bathroom.

And froze.

There in the TVs flickering light, like some horror movie specter, was the shadowy figure of a man leaning over Donna’s still, sleeping form.

And there was a gun in his hand.

Josh’s heart leapt into his throat and he didn’t even hesitate. He charged out of the bathroom, snatching a rickety chair up as he went and hurled it at the figure. At the sound of Josh’s movement, the figure had looked up, but didn’t have time to react before the chair came flying in his face. The figure threw up his arm just in time to keep the chair from fully clocking him in the head.

Josh leapt onto the bed, took a step and then dove off the bed at the intruder in a flying tackle. The force of it knocked both of them back into the small table and chair next to the bed, which crumbled under their weight and sent them crashing to the floor. 

As Josh started to wrestle with the faceless intruder for the gun, a light came on and then all hell seemed to break loose.

Donna woke immediately and it 2 seconds to know something was very wrong. By then a dark shadow, one she was pretty sure was Josh, went flying past her to tackle another dark shadow and the two of them disappeared beside the bed with a crash.

Instinctively, she snapped on the lamp beside the bed and saw Josh on the floor wrestling with someone that had horrifyingly familiar blonde hair. 

It was readily apparent that Stone had the upper hand.

This time it was Donna who didn’t hesitate. She jumped on Stone’s back and did anything she could to get him off Josh. She pulled at his hair, pummeled him with her fists, and when that didn’t seem to work, she clawed his face, neck and throat.

The clawing seemed to get Stone’s attention and she felt herself fall back against the bed as he somehow managed to throw her off and stand. Donna saw that he came up with a gun in his hand and terror that he might shoot Josh went through her. Scrambling up, she started forward to jump on him again, this time with the intention of clawing him in the eyes.

Unfortunately for her, Stone had had enough wrestling. He’d never expected this level of resistance from the two of them. From his years of training and experience, he knew things were getting out of hand and had to get control if he was going to complete his mission. Sensing the target as she moved to attack him from the back again, he tightened his grip on the gun in his right hand and reared back and rammed his left elbow into her face. 

Too shocked to even cry out, Donna’s world exploded as her head snapped back and her nose broke with a crunch, sending blood pouring down her face. Stunning, almost incomprehensible pain sent her stumbling back until the back of her legs hit the bed and she collapsed onto it.

Although his first thought was to help Donna, Josh saw his opening and he kicked out with his foot and slammed into Stone’s wrist. Although it didn’t inflict any damage, it sent the gun flying out of his hand and Josh had no idea where it landed. His action seemed to enrage Stone and he leapt on Josh like a man possessed.

The two of them fought like gang members fighting over turf. From fists and feet and punches and kicks, nothing was off limits and the room reverberated with the slap and thud of bare hands hitting against flesh and bone. And the worst part was, Stone was winning and Josh knew it. This guy was obviously a trained killer and he wasn’t.

Dazed and still reeling from being hit in the face, Donna laid immobile on the bed for several seconds, but forced herself to sit up when it felt like she was going to choke on her own blood if she didn’t. She didn’t even have anything to try and staunch it but her hand and her t-shirt, both of which were quickly becoming soaked. As she sat up, she saw Stone leap on Josh as they started fighting again.

The blood and the pain in her face took a back seat to the renewed urgency that flooded through her. Stone was going to kill Josh if she didn’t do something...she would feel the pain later, but NOW she had to do something.

A weapon, she needed a weapon. Since her body had proven to be an ineffective one, she had to find something that would be more formidable. Looking around, she scanned the room.

The lamp. 

If you ignored the silly tepee lamp shade and decorative rope trim, it had a sturdy looking metal base. Scrambling her way over to the nightstand, Donna found the strength to stand and pick up the lamp. With her hands slick and a little sticky from all the blood, the lamp felt slippery in her grip and she hoped she didn’t drop it. Not to mention the fact that it was heavier than she expected.

Ripping the shade off, she choked up on the lamp and took one more look at the two of them fighting so she knew where each of them were. It would be disastrous if she hit Josh by mistake. Stone was still on top with his back to her and his focus was clearly on Josh.

Then she swung for the fences.

It didn’t even occur to her to unplug the lamp first, but luckily the plug was loose in the socket and it popped free as she swung it. The room was plunged back into the semi-darkness of the light from the TV as the base of the lamp connected solidly with Stone’s head. Like a puppet with its strings severed, Stone crumpled and lay still without so much as a groan.

And then it was quiet.

Josh had been braced for another hit when the darkness erupted and with a metallic thud, Stone’s weight suddenly fell on top of him. Surprised, Josh laid there for a couple of seconds, then quickly shoved him off. As he emerged out from under Stone, he looked up and blinked. Like some pagan warrior goddess, Donna stood silhouetted in the light of the TV, chest heaving, and swaying slightly with the lamp still gripped in her hands. Even in the half light, he could see that the front of her white t-shirt was red with blood. Oddly enough, with the adrenaline of the moment, he didn’t have time to be queasy.

“Donna?” he said softly.

His voice seemed to break her out of whatever trance she’d been in and the lamp slid from her hands and hit the floor with a clunk. Besides being bruised, sore, and a little battered, Josh wasn’t all that hurt and he quickly got to his feet. As he moved to her side, she remained standing but sagged against him as if her strength had just about given out.

Sliding his arm around her waist, he pulled her close and guided her over to the bed. “Sit down,” he told her gently as he settled her on the edge of the bed. Even though she was holding her hand over her nose, he could see blood was still oozing down her face and hand and now he did have to swallow the urge to get nauseous. However, Donna needed him and he wouldn’t be any good to her if he folded over some blood.

Rushing to the bathroom, he grabbed every towel he could find and came back out to her. Taking a hand towel he folded it and handed it to her. “Here, use this to help with the bleeding.”

“Is…is he dead?” she said in a slightly muffled, trembling voice as she gently pressed the towel to her face. Between it, the blood and the fact that her face and sinuses were beginning to swell so she had to breathe through her mouth, it sounded like she had a stuffy nose.

“I don’t know and I don’t intend to hang around and find out,” Josh said as he moved quickly to the window and pulled back the curtain to see if Stone had brought anyone with him that might be waiting outside. 

He didn’t see anyone else, but he did see how Stone got into the room. The window was standing wide open and Josh was sure he’d checked that it was closed and locked before he and Donna had turned in. Stone must have jimmied the lock and then climbed in. 

“We’ve got to get out of here,” he said already rushing around the room to collect their bags. “Whether or not he wakes up, I’m sure it won’t take the cops long to get here. We can’t afford to hang around and answer their questions.

Donna watched him through tearful, dazed eyes. Slowly she nodded and then split her gaze between watching him move around the room and keeping an eye on Stone in case he decided to wake up. 

Grabbing the few stray items that were scattered around the room and shoving the items into one of the bags, Josh started to heft the first bag on his shoulder when something caught his eye. It was just peeking out from under the dresser. With the dark brown carpet, it was hard to tell at first, but then he realized what it was.

Stone’s gun.

Without a second thought, Josh retrieved the gun from under the dresser and put it carefully into one of the bags, then loaded himself down with the rest of their bags and Mike’s portfolio and handed Donna her purse and the pile of towels. “Okay, come on.”

“I’m not feeling all that steady...” she said.

“It’s okay, I’ll help you.”

Putting his arm around her waist again, he guided her to the door and then out to the car as quickly as possible. Without a word of protest, she let him settle her in the back seat with the towels beside her.

“Why don’t you lie down? It might help with the bleeding,” he said.

“I can’t,” she said in a muffled voice. “Makes me feel like I’m going to choke on the blood.”

Now there was an image he’d rather not dwell on. “Good point. Okay then, let me just get your seatbelt fastened and we’ll get out of here,” he said belting her in. 

Closing her door, he opened the trunk, dumped the bags inside, closed the lid, and got behind the wheel.

“How you doing?” he asked as he dropped Mike’s portfolio on the passenger seat and started the engine.

“My head and my face hurt,” she said her voice even more muffled now that she was leaning forward with her head almost between her knees. “But I think the bleeding is less.”

“Try tipping your head back,” he suggested as he backed out of the space. 

It took all he had not to go tearing out of the parking lot, but he knew he had to try and not draw any undue attention to them or their departure. 

“I did,” she replied. “It made me feel like I was choking again, this position was the only one that didn’t.” She swallowed hard. The pain and the blood and the adrenaline were conspiring to make her nauseous.

It tore at him to see her suffering so much. “I think we’d better find a hospital or something so someone can take a look at you,” he said, pulling back out onto the main road and heading back for the freeway. 

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Josh,” she argued, or at least tried to argue. Her swollen nose and the towel kind of ruined any credibility behind her argument.

The fear and frustration he was feeling at what had just happened and his worry for her bubbled over. “Donna, in case you haven’t noticed, you’ve got one hell of a new ding there and I think that a doctor should look at you!” 

She sat up a little. “Josh! This is NOT a ding! This is a DENT! My face is dented,” she shot back, feeling some fear and frustration of her own, not to mention constant pain. Throbbing pain in her face every time her heart beat, stabbing pain every time they went over a bump and the towel put too much pressure on her nose and just to top it off a deep lingering ache that constantly filled her head. 

“All the more reason we need to find someone to look at it,” he told her as he merged onto the freeway heading west toward Chicago.

“Fine, I’m too tired to argue with you,” she said leaning forward again.

Josh knew she had to be feeling pretty miserable not to argue with him any more.

Keeping one eye on the road, he reached into the portfolio and pulled out one of the disposable cell phones. Switching it on, he pulled up Mike’s ID, the only one in the address book and sent him their emergency text message code “z911.” 

He knew it would take Mike a few minutes to get to a secure or public phone to call them from, so Josh dropped the phone onto the passenger seat.

Gripping the wheel so hard his already battered knuckles hurt, Josh’s eyes darted between the road in front of them and the review mirror to see if anyone was following them. Although they saw the occasional car or semi-truck, no one seemed to be paying any attention to them. Except for some heavy breathing and the occasional cough from Donna, the car was silent.

“Was that the guy?” Josh finally asked her. “Was that Stone?” 

It took her a moment to answer. The nausea was getting really bad. “Yeah,” she replied, trying to breathe her way through it.

“He was really strong,” he told her. “If you hadn’t hit him...”

Although she appreciated what he was saying, Donna knew right then that she was going to be sick. “Josh...”

“I’m just saying...when I saw him standing over you...” Josh’s voice trailed off. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t get it...I thought you were just being paranoid.”

“Josh...pull over.”

The mild panic in her voice got his attention. “Why? What’s wrong.”

“I’m going to throw up, you need to pull over,” she said pressing a towel to her mouth.

From her tone, he knew she wasn’t kidding. They were just coming to an exit and he flew down it. They were in a largely rural area so he quickly drove to the bottom of the off ramp and pulled off the road next to a grassy field.

Switching off the engine, he got out to come around to help her, but before Josh could even get halfway around the car, Donna had already gotten her seat belt off, thrown open the door, stumbled a few steps from the car, dropped to her knees and had started retching violently.

Moving quickly behind her, he held her hair back and rubbed at the small of her back until she’d thrown up most of the blood she’d ingested and the pizza they’d had for dinner.

Of course, it was at that moment that he heard the phone on the front seat start to ring. Still holding onto her hair with one hand, he yanked open the front passenger door and grabbed the phone. “It took you long enough,” Josh snapped, remembering not to use names on the phone.

Not knowing what had just happened, Mike was a little taken aback by Josh’s anger. “You know I had to go find a phone,” he replied. “What’s the emergency?”

“Oh, nothing our blonde buddy just showed up at the motel and tried to kill us, that’s all,” Josh growled. His anger was finding a whole new vent on Mike. “HOW THE HELL DID HE FIND US?!”

Mike’s worst fears were confirmed. “If you followed my instructions, there’s no way he should have been able to find you. Now, calm down and tell me what happened.”

Donna was trying to sit back and Josh needed to help her. “Hang on a minute,” he told Mike. Without waiting for a reply, he tossed the phone down in the grass. “Here, let me help you get back in the car.”

“No, I just want to sit out here for a minute,” she told him.

With a nod, he settled her against the side of the car and then retrieved a clean wash cloth and towel from the back seat and a bottle of water from the case they had in the trunk.

“Well, on the good side, it looks like your nose has stopped bleeding,” he said as he sat back down beside her and tried to give her a small reassuring smile. Laying the towel across her lap, he poured some water on the wash cloth and gave it to her. Gratefully she took it and carefully wiped at her face.

“Here, use this to rinse your mouth out and the try to take a few sips,” he said handing her the rest of the bottle.

“Thanks,” she said taking it from him.

Josh fumbled around for the phone again. “You still there?”

“What’s going on?” Mike demanded.

“My friend is hurt, broken nose, I think,” Josh told him, now more exhausted than mad. “She was busy throwing up when you called.”

“Oh, does she have any other injuries?”

“No and I think she’d be the first one to tell you this one is more than enough,” Josh commented.

“How did it get broken?”

“Our visitor gave her an elbow to the face.”

“And where were you?” Mike asked. He didn’t mean it as a condemnation, he was just trying to get all the facts.

“Oh, I was lounging on the floor. Pounding on me had tired him out and he was getting his second wind so he could finish the job by shooting me,” Josh said sarcastically.

“Did he shoot you? Are you injured too?”

“No, except for feeling like I did 5 rounds with Mike Tyson, I’m okay. But I’m going to find a hospital so someone can take a look at her nose.”

There was a long pause, before Mike spoke and used almost the same words Donna had a few minutes earlier. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why the hell not?!” Josh demanded angrily. “She’s in a lot of pain.”

“I know that, I’ve had my nose broken twice, it hurts a lot,” Mike replied. “But tell me, what do you look like after your run in with the guy?”

“Like I said, I’m fine. I’ve just got some bruises.”

“Exactly, you’re a little banged up. Any doctor or hospital is going to see you and they’re going to see her and they’re going to think you’ve been beating the crap out of her. They’re required to report any cases of abuse or suspected abuse they see, so it’s pretty much a given they’re going to call the police and the police are going to want to question you. Not only is that going to slow you down, but it’s going to leave a trail for our friend to find.”

Josh’s frustration was back. “Well, then what the hell do you expect me to do?! I can’t just leave her like this!”

There was long pause. “I think I’ve got an idea about how to get her some help, but it will take a little doing.”

Josh frowned. “What kind of help?”

“I can’t tell you over the phone, you’re just going to have to trust me.”

He paused. “I guess I don’t have much of a choice now, do I?”

“No, I don’t suppose you do,” Mike replied. “Now, I want you to start from the beginning and tell me what happened.”

“We really don’t have time for this!” Josh told him. “Besides the fact that I need to get her somewhere warm, where she can lie down, I don’t like us just sitting around here out in the open waiting for someone to come along and find us.”

“You’re not still at the motel are you?!” Mike asked.

“Yes, because I’m completely stupid! NO, of course we’re not still there, we’d been driving for about 10 minutes when we stopped so she could throw up and you called.”

“Are you in a safe place?”

Josh glanced around. As it turned out, they were in a very isolated spot. In fact, he didn’t even see any houses or other buildings, not even a street light and where he’d pulled over. You’d have to come down off the interstate to see them and he hadn’t seen anyone do that since they’d stopped. Everything seemed quiet enough. 

“For the moment I think we’re safe, but I really don’t like the idea of just sitting here,” Josh commented.

“I know, but you’ve got to tell me what happened so I can figure out where to go from here.”

Josh glanced at Donna who was still sitting on the ground leaning back against the car. Her face looked like it was really beginning to swell and she watched him with tired, slightly damp eyes.

“Okay...” Josh told him with a sigh as he moved over to sit next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. Automatically, she shifted in closer to him and laid the side of her head against him. “...here’s the Reader’s Digest Condensed version of what happened,” he said as he quickly rattled off the story off to Mike. “...So I grabbed our stuff and we got out of there,” Josh told him. “Oh, and I found our blonde friend’s gun on the way out and picked it up.”

“You’ve got his gun?” Mike asked in astonished surprise.

Josh heard the excitement in his voice, but didn’t quite understand it. “Yeah, why?”

“Because we might be able to use the serial number on it to find out who this guy is. Can you give me the number?”

Josh sighed again. “Yeah, but later okay? The gun is buried in the trunk and I’m really starting to get a bad feeling sitting out here like this. We need to get moving.”

“Okay, okay, you’ve got a point. But before you do, I think I may have figured out how this guy tracked you guys down...” he paused. “...and I’m sorry to say I think it’s my fault.”

“How is it your fault?”

“The bureau installed LoJack locators in all its cars. I think he’s using it to track you,” Mike said. “That possibility never occurred to me because usually only law enforcement has access to that information, but if this goes as high as I think it does, then it would be possible for him to get access.” He paused. “The only thing I CAN’T figure is how he got the VIN number of your car.”

“Why does that matter?” Josh asked. 

“You have to have the car’s VIN number to activate the LoJack transceiver and I’ve got the only records...wait...” Mike felt his stomach drop. “...shit, I never thought of that.”

“What?!”

“The agent in the motor pool, the one who checked the car out to me. HE would have had a record of the number and if he’s on someone’s payroll...”

“Then he would have given them the VIN number,” Josh finished.

“Right. I’m really sorry,” Mike said. ‘And when I get my hands on the little weasel I’m going to hang him from the nearest tree,’ he added silently.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it, you couldn’t have known,” Josh told him. “But is there any way I can disable it?”

“Yes, you just need to remove the transceiver. And although for the public, the transceiver can be in any one of about twenty places, luckily the Bureau puts all their transceivers in one of two places.”

“Where are the two places?”

“Either on the undercarriage near the rear axle on the right side or in the engine compartment near the power steering assembly,” Mike told him. “But it won’t be a matter of just pulling it off. They’re screwed to the frame or other piece of metal so you’ll need some kind of small screwdriver and a flashlight.”

“In case you haven’t realized it, we’re in the middle of nowhere. I can’t exactly pop down to the store and get a screwdriver or a flashlight,” Josh said, wishing that at least one thing would start going right.

“There’s a emergency kit in the trunk with the spare,” Mike explained. “And it includes a small tool kit, I think there’s a screwdriver in there.”

“That’s great, but it’s not going to help me much if I don’t have a flashlight and can’t see what I’m doing.”

“I’ve got a flashlight in my purse,” Donna told him almost absently.

“Really?” he asked with a frown.

“Yeah, it’s small but pretty bright.”

Now that things were coming together, Josh grinned. “Okay, Mike, it looks like we’ve got ourselves a plan.”

After loading Donna back into the car, in the front seat this time, giving her a clean shirt to change into while he was working on the car and getting the flashlight from her purse, Josh searched the two spots and found the transceiver in the engine compartment. With the screwdriver he found in the emergency kit, he didn’t have much trouble removing it.

“All right, it’s done,” Josh told him.

“Good, now they can’t find you that way again, so get your asses out of there, but be sure you don’t speed,” Mike told him as Josh finished putting things away. “The last thing you need is to get pulled over by some local cop or state trooper. I’m going to go and see if I can help get your friend some help. When you get settled somewhere, send me a text message and I’ll call you back.”

“Right. I’ll give you the gun’s serial number when I talk to you next. Give me an hour or two. ”

“Will do,” Mike said. “Oh, did you by any chance, give your license plate number to the desk clerk when you checked in yesterday?”

“No, she didn’t ask for it,” Josh told him as he got in behind the wheel and started the car. “Why?”

“Good, then the cops won’t be looking for your plate number. I didn’t put it in your packet, but be sure to put down a false plate number if whatever hotel or motel you’re staying in asks for it. They never double check that kind of thing and that way if they put the plate into some kind of national database it can’t be tracked back to you.”

“Right, I see your point,” Josh answered as he pulled out onto the road and headed for the freeway on ramp.

“Oh, and when you stop at the next hotel be sure you use the second set of ID I sent you. That way they can’t trace you from where you stayed tonight.”

Josh’s first thought was that Mike was being paranoid, but he realized now, there was a big difference between being cautious and being paranoid. “Right, I’ll remember that.”

“Okay, talk to you in a bit.”

“Thanks. Bye,” Josh said as he ended the call and switched off the phone.

“You feeling any better?” he asked her as they merged onto the interstate just after 3 am. Now that she’d changed her shirt and washed up a bit, she didn’t look quite so bad. Of course, her face looked like she’d been hit with a brick...not that he was going to tell her that.

“A little,” she told him tiredly. The swelling still made her sound like she had a cold. “My nose has definitely stopped bleeding and I don’t feel so nauseous anymore. I took some Advil for the pain while you were working on the car. I think it’s helping.” She tried to give him a smile but couldn’t because it hurt to move her face that much. “I don’t think I’m going to be eating pizza for a while though,” she tried to joke.

Josh knew what she meant. “Yeah, there was about a year in college where I wouldn’t eat Mexican food because I’d thrown up a good helping of it. Nothing like throwing up something to make you never want to have it again.”

“Yeah,” she replied.

“I took care of the LoJack thing. Mike thinks that’s how Stone found us so easily.”

“Right. That wouldn’t even have occurred to me.”

“Yeah, it didn’t occur to me or Mike either,” he said. “Hey, now that they can’t track us, I’m going to try and put a little distance between us and the motel, before I find another place to stop. Why don’t you try and get some rest?”

Donna was quiet for a moment. “I am tired, but I’m not sure I can fall sleep.”

“Okay.” Josh knew if he pressed the issue she would just fight him that much harder on it, so he tried another approach. “Come here,” he said gently holding his arm out.

Donna suspected what he was doing, but there was no way she was going to argue about it. She needed to touch him and know that he was okay. Luckily. the sedan Mike had given them had a bench seat in the front so all she had to do was fold up the wide armrest dividing their seats and slide over. After she put the lap seatbelt on, Josh put his arm around her shoulders and she snuggled into his side, much as she had when they’d been sitting on the ground while Josh talked to Mike on the phone.

Both of them were content to sit that way, not talking as they drove through the night and very soon, Josh was glad to see that his plan had worked and Donna had faded off to sleep.

**********

Donna heard someone calling her name and something warm and soft brush over her cheek and she fought her way up through the fog of sleep. “Hmmm?” she answered.

“Wake up, Donna, we’re here,” Josh said, pulling his finger back from where he’d been stroking it along her cheek.

“Wha...?” she said opening her eyes to find herself looking up at him. She felt really groggy and for a moment didn’t remember where she was, but the pain in her face and her head were there to helpfully remind her. “Where are we?”

“At a Ramada Inn on the outskirts of Chicago.”

“Illin...? We’re not in Indiana any more?”

He smiled softly. “No, Dorothy, you’re not in Kansas or Indiana any more.”

“How long have I been asleep?”

“About 2 hours. We got here about 20 minutes ago but I went in and got us a room and then unloaded the car.”

She realized then that she was actually stretched out across the front seat. “Why didn’t you wake me?” she said as she slowly sat up. “I would have helped you unload.”

“You were sleeping so soundly I didn’t want to wake you so I just stretched you out on the front seat.” He paused for a minute. “Plus, well, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re face isn’t exactly inconspicuous right now.”

She sighed. “I see your point.”

“Speaking of which you might need this,” he said, handing her the baseball cap she’d been wearing. “I thought this might help you blend in a bit more. I wore it myself when I got us a room.”

“Why...?” she said taking a really good look at him. While there didn’t seem to be much swelling, his face was a motley collection of bruises. “Are you okay?” she asked. 

He shrugged. “Yeah, I’m fine. Now why don’t we get you inside? Mike’s going to be calling any minute with some helpful advice on what we can do about your nose,” he said. “Do you think you can walk to the room?”

“I think so,” she said taking the baseball cap from him and putting it on.

He helped her out of the car and they went in through a side entrance so they could bypass the lobby. “I got us a second floor room so it won’t be so easy for us to have ‘nocturnal visitors’ but we have to walk up a flight of stairs or go out to the main lobby and take the elevator to get there. Which one do you feel up for?”

“Let take the stairs, I’m not exactly ready to have everyone looking at me.”

“But are you ready for the stairs?”

“I’m not made of glass, Josh,” she told him a little crossly. “I may not break any speed records, but I can still walk up a flight of stairs.”

She almost regretted her words when they got to the second floor nearly 5 minutes later and she felt exhausted and light headed. 

“You okay?” he asked as she leaned against the wall for a moment.

“Yeah,” she said breathing a little hard. “It was...just...a little harder...than I expected.”

Josh nodded in understanding. “Well, we’ve both had a long night.”

“I’m sorry about snapping at you before,” she said after she’d recovered a bit and they walked down the hall to their room.

“No problem, like I said, long night,” he told her as they reached the door. Josh somehow managed to use the key card properly and he pushed the door open for her. 

“Wow, big room,” she said pulling off her cap.

“It a suite or what they call a suite anyway. It’s bigger than a standard room and has a little mini kitchen with a fridge and a microwave.”

“And a very large bed,” she said, all but collapsing onto it.

“Hopefully with less lumps than the last bed we had,” he joked. Just then his phone rang. “Must be Mike,” he said as he pulled it out to answer it.

“Hey.”

“Didn’t your mother ever teach you the proper way to answer a phone?” a very feminine and VERY familiar voice said.

“Mrs....?” He broke off before he said her name. “Ma’am?”

“Yes, it’s me,” Abbey told him. “Your serious faced friend here talked his way into our bedroom a half hour ago and said you might need my help.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Please, it’s 5 am and I haven’t had my coffee, can we please cut the ma’am crap?”

“Is it safe for us to be talking like this?” Josh asked not wanting to put Mrs. Bartlet or the President in any danger. 

“Our phones are secure, you know that. It’s okay, they cleared it.” She paused and her voice softened. “How is she?”

“She’s right here sitting on the bed. I think she’s still in some pain.”

“Well, having a broken nose will do that,” Abbey told him. “Can she talk to me?”

“Yes.”

“Then give her the phone and go find something to write on,” Abbey instructed.

“She wants to talk to you,” Josh said, handing Donna the phone. “Mrs. Bartlet,” he mouthed, before he went in search of writing material.

“Yes, ma’am?” Donna said tiredly.

“Like I said, It’s too early for the ma’am stuff, just call me...Barbie,” Abbey said thinking of the first weird name that popped into her head. “Now, I hear you got an elbow in the face.”

“Yes, ma...Barbie.” If she wasn’t so tired, the idea of calling Dr. Abigail Bartlet, First Lady of the United States, ‘Barbie’ would have made her laugh.

“Well, let me be the first to say...ouch,” Abbey said, sympathetically. “Now, give me your symptoms.”

“Pain in my face and a mild headache. I took some Advil and it helped,” Donna began. “My nose also bled a lot.”

“Has it stopped?”

“Yes, it stopped after about 10 minutes.”

“Good. Some broken noses don’t bleed at all and some bleed like a river. Each case is different, but as long as it stopped then you’re good. Go on,” Abbey told her.

“My nose and face are swelling up and I pretty much can’t breath through my nose,” Donna told her.

“That’s not uncommon. In fact in some cases doctors don’t even want to examine you for 3 or 4 days until the swelling goes down because it hard to see exactly what’s involved and an x-ray isn’t always conclusive. If you still can’t breathe through your nose after the swelling goes down, then we have a problem,” Abbey said. “Anything else?”

“I had some nausea and I threw up.”

“Well, that could be from the blood you probably ingested, it can make you nauseous and sick very easily, not to mention the stress from tonight and the trauma of your injury,” Abbey explained. “How about now? Still nauseous?”

“No, well a little, but I felt better after I threw up and it hasn’t gotten any worse.”

“Good, how about dizziness?”

“A little and I feel a little groggy.”

“Okay...any ringing in your ears or double vision?”

“No.”

“Okay, my prescription is going to be rest and ice packs for the next few days.”

“Thank you...Barbie.”

“You’re welcome. Now you take it easy and let me talk to your friend.”

Donna handed the phone back to Josh. “She wants to talk to you.”

“Yes ma’am?”

“Did you get a good look at her nose before it started to swell?” Abbey asked him.

“Pretty good, why?”

“How did it look? Was it crooked? Were there any obvious lumps or depressions?”

Josh swallowed down the little bit of nausea he felt at having to remember. “It’s a little crooked, but not bad and I think there was a slight depression right on the bridge of her nose.”

“Okay, start writing. Don’t try and move it back into position and don’t try and pack her nostrils with anything,” Abbey instructed. “You could shift something and make the internal damage worse. We’ll just have to worry about the crookedness later. Since she can’t go to a doctor right now, the best thing you can do is have her keep putting ice on it. She should ice it for 10-15 minutes every hour, except when she’s asleep at night. Put the ice in a bag and then put a thin towel between her face and the bag. The better you do with the ice packs, the less the swelling and discoloration will be. Even with the ice packs, it’s likely that she’s going to be sporting two black eyes and a host of other bruises for the next two weeks. There’s not a whole lot we can do about that, except maybe try to cover it with make-up if necessary.” Abbey paused. “Are you getting all this?”

“Yes,” Josh said, writing furiously.

“For at least the next week, when she sleeps or lays down, it should be on her back with 2 or 3 pillows under her head. This will keep her head above her heart and will help with the pain. Tylenol or Advil will also help. Unless her stomach’s sensitive to it, I’d recommend the Advil until the swelling goes down since the ibuprofen in the Advil will also help slightly with the swelling, but after that I’d recommend the Tylenol because it will be easier on her stomach.”

“Right, got it.”

“Now the next two things are the most important. First, I think she may also have a mild concussion. Often when there’s an injury hard enough to break the nose, it’s hard enough to cause a concussion. Without being there, I can’t be sure but from her symptoms it sounds mild, but for the next day or two, you’re going to have to give her regular neuro checks every couple of hours, especially when she’s sleeping. Use a flashlight to make sure her pupils are not uneven or overly dilated and ask her questions to make sure she knows who and where she is. If you encounter any problems or she starts having bad headaches, you’re going to have no choice but to take her to the hospital.”

“Okay, I understand.”

“And two, watch for excessive nose bleeds and what’s called a septal hematoma. Basically that’s a blood clot or a collection of blood on the wall dividing the nostrils.”

“How do I check for that?” he asked.

“If one is present, it will probably be the size of a small grape. Once the swelling goes down you may be able to see it just by looking at her nose from the outside, but I’m sorry to say the best way to check for it is to shine a flashlight up her nose and look into each nostril.”

“Oh...oh-kay,” Josh said, not sure he liked the sound of that at all.

Abbey heard the hesitation in his voice. “I know it’s unpleasant, but I can almost guarantee she can’t see up her own nose and if she develops a hematoma it could be very dangerous and could cause irreparable damage to her nose and/or sinuses. The good news is you don’t need to check until after the first 48 hours since with the swelling you wouldn’t be able to see it anyway.”

“Don’t worry, I promise to check.”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Abbey told him. “Okay, now I’ve got to get some coffee or my husband’s going to be sorry.” She paused. “Take care of her...and yourself. My husband and I have you in our prayers.”

“We appreciate that.”

“Okay, your serious faced friend wants to speak with you,” Abbey said handing the phone to Mike.

“Hey,” he said, getting on the line. “You have the serial number for me?”

“Yeah, hold on let me get it.”

Setting the phone down he went over and carefully dug the gun out of his bag. Picking the phone back up, he held the gun under the lamp and read Mike the numbers on the barrel. Then he had Mike tell him how to set the safety on the gun so it wouldn’t go off accidentally.

Hanging up the phone, he laid the gun on the table and stared down at it. He never thought there would come a time when he’d be capable of killing another human being and even before Rosslyn, he’d been very much pro-gun control. But with each passing moment, the more he felt like he’d made a mistake by leaving Stone alive. Now, in hindsight, it occurred to him that he could have ended this whole thing, including the threat to Donna, by eliminating Stone in the motel room. He just hoped that his earlier indecision didn’t end up costing him and Donna dearly.

Giving himself a shake, he turned back to Donna who was still sitting on the edge of the bed, but he noticed that her eyes had taken on a definite droop. “Why don’t you get into bed and I’ll make up an ice pack for your face. Mrs. Bartlet said that’s the best thing for you right now.”

Donna nodded. Right about then, she was feeling completely exhausted and wanted nothing more than to lay down. While Josh went to make her an ice pack, she pulled back the sheets and sat down on the side of the bed. She supposed she should have taken a shower or put on some clean clothes, but she couldn’t muster the energy. All she managed to do was pull off her shoes and socks.

Josh found her still sitting there when he came back a few minutes later, just staring off into space. “Hey, you okay?” he asked gently touching her shoulder.

As if coming out of trance, she blinked up at him. “Yes, sorry, I just...I took off my shoes and didn’t have the strength for anything else.”

He ran a hand over her head. “It’s okay. Come on.” He helped her get settled in the king size bed.

“Josh...”

“Hmmm?” he said as he tucked a third pillow under her head. 

“Thanks for taking care of me tonight...for saving me from Stone,” she said quietly.

Picking up the ice pack, Josh sat down beside her on the bed. “Yes, I was very effective. My diversionary tactic of letting him use me as his punching bag was especially brilliant.” Suddenly, he felt a hard pinch on his ribs. “OW! What was that for?”

“Being stupid,” she told him. “Even though he had a gun you went after him and then you got me and our things in the car and you got us out of there. You did what 4 trained FBI agents lost their lives trying to do.” Unconsciously, she rubbed her hand soothingly over the spot where she’d pinched him. “I won’t forget that,” she added softly.

Immensely touched by her heartfelt words, he gently brushed the hair back from her face. “Thanks,” he said quietly as he settled the towel wrapped ice pack on her nose. “But I have to say, Donna, I think you were the star of the evening. I can’t believe you managed to clock him with the lamp like that.”

From under the ice pack, Donna smiled lazily and even through the cold of the ice and the haze of pain she was still feeling, she felt her body and mind begin to drift. “Had to do something.”

He could hear the sleep in her voice. “Well, it was amazing,” he said taking her hand. “I think you graduated from Wonder Woman to Xena Warrior Princess.” He heard her sigh.

“Had to protect...what was mine...” she said softly, her voice trailing off as she drifted off to sleep.

Josh sat there, his heart thudding hard in chest. She thought of him as hers. The idea warmed him and made him want to grin all at once. It also made him realize that he thought of her as ‘his’ too...and had for a long time now.

Leaning forward, he brushed his lips lightly, tenderly over her forehead as he whispered to her. “I had to protect what was mine too, Donna.”


	10. Chances

Chapter 10

Stone sat up on the gurney and waved off the doctor and the nurse. “Just give me the damn form to sign so I can get the hell out of here,” he demanded.

“Please Mr. Evans, you have a hairline linear skull fracture, you need to stay here for a few days so we can monitor you and perform more tests.”

“Monitor yourself,” he snapped back. “Now, with or without your form, as soon as I get dressed, I’m going to leave, so if you want me to sign it, you better hand it over now.”

‘I’ve already been here too long,’ Stone thought as managed to pull his pants on even though the room refused to remain still and the pounding in his head wouldn’t go away. 

He’d woken up in the emergency room of a South Bend, Indiana hospital a few hours before, his head splitting open from the apparent skull fracture he assumed that bitch had given him. He’d been too groggy and too out of it to resist when they’d started running tests or he would have left the hospital right off the bat.

‘What the hell did she hit me with?’ he wondered. The last thing he remembered was elbowing her in the face.

“I really recommend against this Mr. Evans,” the doctor said, handing him a clip board with the form he needed to sign himself out of the hospital. “A closed skull fracture is nothing to take lightly. Someone came very near to literally bashing your brains in.”

‘Yes and she’ll pay dearly for that,’ he thought as he signed the form and threw the clip board back at him. “Doctor, I’m well aware of my condition. Even if I didn’t have you here to remind me every 2 minutes, I’d still have the splitting headache to remind me.” He pulled on his shirt.

“But...” the young doctor sputtered as he launched into another round of trying to convince Stone to stay in the hospital.

By then Stone has ceased to listen. Gathering up the remainder of his things, he walked out the ER. With the headache and the dizziness, it was out of sheer determination and meanness that he managed to walk without walking into walls or simply falling down.

Reaching into his pants pocket, he pulled out his cell phone. The people he worked for would want an update. As he switched the phone on, he noticed he had a message. He dialed the voice mail and listened.

“Call me as soon as possible. We have to talk about the Tapestry issue,” was all the message said.

Stone wasn’t a man who was accustomed to feeling fear or anxiety, but the tone in the voice made him feel both. The benign message was in direct opposition to the tone. Not to mention the fact that the caller only would have risked calling his cell phone if the situation was extremely urgent.

‘Could they already know about last night?’ Stone wondered. Okay, so that was a stupid question. They always knew. Stone could swear they were psychic sometimes or at least they had one on the payroll.

Knowing that if the people he worked for wanted to take a pound of flesh out of his hide, it would only be worse if he kept them waiting, Stone walked to one of the hospital’s pay phones and dialed the number.

The call was answered on the second ring. “Yes?” he answered calmly.

“Tapestry,” Stone said.

Again he heard the slight buzzing sound that told him that their communications were being jammed in case anyone was listening. “How’s your head?” the voice on the other end asked.

“It hurts like a son of a bitch,” Stone replied, recognizing that the voice was anything but sympathetic. “How did you know?”

“I make it my business to know. In this case, I’ve already got copies of the police report and your hospital file,” he replied. “So how did Lyman get the drop on you?”

“It wasn’t Lyman,” Stone told him. “I had him down. It must have been the target. I have no idea what she hit me with.”

There was a noticeable pause. “You let an unarmed WOMAN take you out?” he asked incredulously.

“I thought I had her neutralized,” Stone argued. “I broke her nose! I’m sure I did. That should have kept her out my hair, at least for a few minutes, while I was dealing with Lyman. I’ve had men on the floor crying for their fucking mommies for less! How was I supposed to know that she was going to get up and bash my head in?”

Another silence. “Your mistake was that you underestimated her,” the voice said. “And now, not only does she know that you’re coming after her so she’ll be on her guard, but she’s like a wounded, cornered animal. And they can be the most dangerous of all.”

“I realize that,” Stone said slowly. “But that just means that I need to plan more carefully and take some reinforcements with me next time.”

“If you’d followed my recommendation and taken someone with you last night, we wouldn’t be having this discussion and you wouldn’t have that headache,” the voice pointed out.

“Granted, but I learn from my mistakes. Not to mention the fact that I’ve still got our ace in the hole,” Stone pointed out. “They can run all they want, but I’ll always know exactly where they are.” 

“That’s good, because I’ve taken steps to clean up things on my end and I suggest you do the same.” There was another very long, very pregnant pause before he spoke again. “I don’t like liabilities. As the one who usually limits my liability, you have to recognize that as long as they’re alive, they can identify you, and that makes YOU a liability.”

“I know, I know. I’ll take care of it,” Stone promised. 

The voice took on a quiet, but steely edge. “Good, because if you can’t, I’ll find someone who will. Then your services will no longer be necessary. Do I make myself clear?”

Stone swallowed and rubbed at his throbbing head. “Crystal.”

Without another word, the line went dead and Stone hung up the pay phone. He knew that the voice had meant every word he said. Yes, he definitely had some planning to do and this time he would get it right...he HAD to get it right or it would be his head on the block. These two were running circles around him and making him look sloppy. That stopped now. The next time they met he’d get that blonde bitch and Lyman before the people he worked for could get him.

‘Better them than me,’ he thought as he turned and walked out of the hospital.

**********

By the next afternoon, Josh and Donna were settled into the hotel room and had fallen into an odd sort of routine.

Due to the fact that Josh had to wake her every hour or two to give her a neuro check and a new ice bag for her face, Donna had to settle for cat naps instead of actual full periods of sleeping. 

As for Josh, he didn’t sleep at all. Between neuro checks and ice packs, he watched TV and used his laptop to do a little surfing on the internet for a place for them to settle. Although he knew that Donna had sort of decided on Chicago, he thought it wouldn’t hurt to have some back-up ideas. Mike had told him that as long as he and Donna didn’t try to contact anyone they knew and didn’t use any of their old User I.D.s or accounts it should be safe to use his laptop to do the search on the internet.

It was just as well. He didn’t have time to sleep. In addition to the fact that he wanted to be there for her when she was at least somewhat incapacitated, he was wound up enough and sore enough from his tangle with Stone that he probably wouldn’t have gotten all that comfortable anyway.

Setting the food container he’d brought up from the hotel’s restaurant on the night stand, he glanced at his watch and saw that it was time to wake her up again. He wished he could let her sleep, but he knew for the time being it had to be this way. 

Gently sitting down on the bed, he watched her for a minute. Even with the regular ice packs, the swelling was still pretty severe, but the black eyes and bruising she had weren’t quite as bad as he had expected. Most of It seemed pretty localized to the center of her face and below her eyes. Of course, given the fact that it hadn’t even been 24 hours since Stone had hit her, that could change. 

“Donna...?” he said as he softly brushed a bit of hair back away from her face. When she didn’t stir, he laid his hand lightly on her shoulder and shook her gently. “Donna, wake up.”

“Five more minutes,” she mumbled without opening her eyes.

“Sorry, Donna. I need you to wake up now.”

“Go away, I’m sleeping,” she said, turning her face away from him a bit.

“Donna...” he chided.

“Donna’s not here right now...leave a message.”

“Donna, I know you want to sleep, but I need to do the thing,” he told her. “And if you’re up to it, I brought you some soup.”

She really did want to sleep, but she could hear the thin veneer of worry in his voice and although her stomach was sore and still felt a bit off, she thought soup actually sounded good. 

Forcing her eyes open, she turning her head slowly back toward him. “You brought me soup?”

“Yeah, chicken noodle.” he said with a little smile. Happy that she’d opened her eyes, he pulled the lid off the container, and picking it up off the night stand, waved it carefully under her nose. 

The smell of soup made her stomach and her battered system sit up and take notice. “That does smell good,” she said reaching out for the container. 

“Ah, ah, first things first...” He put the container back on the counter. “What’s your name?”

She looked at him for a long moment. “Give me my wallet.”

“Why?” he asked, concerned.

“I need to look at which set of I.D.s we’re using now,” she said, giving him a sleepy, bemused little smile.

Relieved, he smiled back at her. “Yeah...you’re okay.”

“I’ll be better if you give me some of that soup,” she said scooting up a little higher into a sitting position. 

He handed her the container. “You need any help holding it?”

Using both hands, she took it from him. “No, I got it,” she said, taking a sip. She let out a sigh as the soup slid down comfortingly. 

“Good?”

“It’s perfect,” she said looking over the rim at him. “Thank you,” she added softly.

He gave her a nod. “How are you feeling?”

“A little better. My head and my face still hurt, but not quite so bad,” she took another sip of her soup. 

“Good. Do you want some more Advil?” 

“Yes, I think that would be a good idea. I’m also going to need another ice pack.”

“I got a new bucket of ice when I brought the soup up so I’ll make you one.” He watched her drink her soup for a few minutes. “Donna?”

“Hmmm?” she asked as she glanced at him while she took another sip.

“I really am sorry that I didn’t believe you about Stone,” Josh said quietly. “I mean I DID believe you, but...I was sure we’d be safe.”

She lowered the container and slowly licked her bottom lip. “Well, it probably seemed like I was being really paranoid.”

“I still should have trusted you and taken you at your word,” Josh told her gently.

“Josh...even after I saw what he did to Amy and when he attacked me in my apartment, I didn’t believe just how determined he could be.” She paused and stared down into the soup. “But after he came to the lake...I knew.”

“Yeah,” he replied quietly. He was now truly beginning to see how terrifying this had been for her and why she’d been so quick to try and push him away when he’d shown up at the Wal-Mart in Pennsylvania.

There was a long silence as Donna continued to stare into her soup, while Josh toyed with the edge of the comforter.

“Why did you resign?” she asked suddenly.

Her tone was soft, but the question took Josh by surprise and it was a moment before he was able to formulate an answer.

“It’s a little hard to explain. I...” Josh let out a breath. “I was there when you called Mike from the truck stop.”

Donna blinked at him. “Oh. I didn’t know that.”

“I figured,” he said. “Anyway, after Mike told me what happened at the lake and I remembered what Stone did to you at the apartment, I was going crazy waiting for news and then you called and we found out that you were out there on your own, and well...” He paused for a moment. “I couldn’t let you go though this alone.”

His words shook her heart and she wasn’t sure her voice would be steady if she tried to speak. Instead she stared back down at her soup, traced the rim with her finger, and said nothing.

“On the other hand,” he continued. “I didn’t think it was fair to expect Leo and the President to wait until this thing gets cleared up and I could theoretically come back to work. I also figured it would be easier on CJ with the Press if they had to replace me because I resigned rather than disappeared.”

“But...” she began, then she seemed to change gears. “I just can’t...I never expected...” She lifted her gaze to him again. “You didn’t have to do that.”

He stared at her for a very long moment, his expression unreadable. “Yes, I did,” he said simply. He owed her so much, but it went beyond that. “Now, why don’t you finish your soup? I’m going to go wash up and make you an ice pack.”

Now it was her turn to stare at him. There was so much she felt she should say, so much she wanted to say, but couldn’t. Instead she took another drink of her soup. “Okay,” she said. “You should shave while you’re in there too, you’re beginning to look a little scruffy.”

She watched him as he got up off the bed and walked into the bathroom. He left the door open and she sat in bed, drinking her soup and listening to him move around. It was a very domestic...very comforting feeling.

The more soup she had, the more her stomach seemed to settle. By the time she was done with it and had managed to cajole most of the noodles up from the bottom of the container, she felt almost...human.

She also felt the need to the use the toilet.

Throwing back the covers, she realized she was still wearing the jeans from the night before. Although she’d changed her t-shirt in the car last night, her jeans were still spattered with large patches of now dried blood.

After making a mental note to change them, she slowly swung her feet over the side of the bed. She took a couple of steadying breaths and then carefully stood up. Moving around and standing made her head pound a bit and she still felt exceedingly tired, but the dizziness she’d felt earlier was almost gone.

Making her way across the room, she fished a clean pair of flannel pants out of her bag. At that point, she was too tired and sore to worry about being ready to run. Besides, she had Josh to help her now. Continuing on to the bathroom, she stopped in the bathroom doorway...and gasped.

“Josh!” 

Alarmed by her tone, Josh, who’d already shaved and had been brushing his teeth, stood up and quickly turned to her. “What?! What’s wrong?” he said around the mouthful of toothpaste.

Her eyes raked over his bare chest and the image of his back reflected in the wide bathroom mirror. Both were a mass of bruises. The pale scar that bisected his chest she’d expected, but not the bruises. She hadn’t seen them before because he’d been wearing his t-shirt.

“You’re covered in bruises!” she said.

“Oh, is that all,” he said, relieved. Turning back to the sink, he spat out the toothpaste. “God, Donna, you scared the hell out of me.” 

“Josh! I’m serious, why didn’t you tell me you were hurt?”

“I’m not hurt,” he said rinsing the remaining toothpaste out. To keep it from getting wet, he’d taken his t-shirt off earlier when he’d shaved. He’d planned to put it back on before he came out of the bathroom and had never expected her to get out of bed. 

“That’s not what it looks like from where I’m standing.”

He picked up a hand towel and wiped the water off his face. “Hey, what are you doing out of bed?” he asked with a frown.

“I have to use the bathroom.” She laid a hand on the doorframe for a little added stability.

His frown deepened. “You’re not feeling sick again are you?”

She sighed, knowing that although he was concerned for her, he was also trying to deflect her concern for him. “No, if you must know, I have to pee.”

“Oh, well, I just finished so I’ll give you some privacy,” he said pulling his t-shirt back on.

“Wait a second, I’m not done with you.”

“Yeah, but your equipment is back in D.C. so I guess you’ll just have to finish with me later.”

“Stop it, Josh,” she admonished. “Why did you tell me you were okay?”

“I AM okay,” he insisted.

“Josh, bruises like those have to hurt.” 

“My ribs are a little tender and my knuckles are a little sore,” he admitted. “But it’s nothing, I’m fine. I mean what did you expect? Did you miss the large blonde man pounding on me last night?”

She stared at him and to her slight mortification, felt tears well in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He didn’t know if she was sorry for showing concern for him or sorry that he had bruises that needed concern in the first place. What he did know was that he felt like a heel for what he’d just said and the fact that it put those tears in her eyes.

Tossing the towel down, he walked over to her and pulled her into a gentle hug. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped.” He breathed in the scent of her. “I just...I can’t believe you’re standing there with a broken nose and a battered face and you’re worried about me and some bruises.”

She wanted to bury her face against his neck, but with her injuries, she had to settle for pressing her cheek to his shoulder. “I hate that they’re there because of me,” she whispered a little tearfully.

“Donna...” he chided, pulling back to look down at her. A tear trailed down her cheek and he gently and carefully brushed it away. “It’s not your fault. It’s Stone’s.” He let out a breath. “And it’s mine.”

That brought her up short. “Why is it yours?”

Dropping his arms, he ran a hand through his hair. “We wouldn’t be in this mess at all if I hadn’t sent you to the meeting with...”

“No!” she interjected. “Don’t say that. There’s no way you could have known. I said I wanted more responsibility and you were giving it to me.”

“Donna, you know as well as I do that the biggest part of the reason I sent you was so I could avoid Amy,” he replied.

“I know that,” she said. “But I’ve also been around you long enough to know that you trusted me to take care of it. If you didn’t you would have sent someone else or canceled it all together.”

“I shouldn’t have been such a chicken shit and just faced up to her myself,” he mumbled as he stared down at his feet.

Donna watched him for a moment. “If one of us had to be there, I’m glad it was me and not you,” she said quietly. Then, when he looked up at her, even though her words had serious meaning, she gave him a little lopsided smile. “You don’t always think so fast on your feet. You probably wouldn’t have thought to hide behind the door.” 

He gave her a tired, self-effacing smile. “Well, you always have been better than me at thinking on your feet.”

She reached out and took his hand. “When was the last time you slept?” 

“Back at the motel...before...”

“You haven’t had any since we got here?” she asked.

He shrugged. “No, I...well, I wanted to keep an eye on things.”

“You need to lie down and rest,” she told him.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” 

“Well, I do worry about you and I’m going to continue to worry, so get used to it,” she said. “You’ve got to take care of yourself, so go lie down.”

“I don’t know if I can sleep,” he admitted. “I mean it’s the middle of the day.”

She propped a hand on her hip. “Humor me and try.”

He knew the look she was giving him. The last time she’d seriously used it was when she’d dragged him to the hospital to have his hand stitched up. He knew that it was useless to argue with her when she pulled out that look. It was just as well, he supposed, he was feeling pretty tired.

“Okay, but you have to go back to sleep too,” he said.

“Deal, I just need to use the bathroom and change my jeans first,” she said, holding up the flannel pants.

Josh was going to ask her why she needed to change her jeans, but when he looked down he remembered she was still wearing the bloodied ones from last night. “I’ll make you a new ice pack and meet you out there.”

She nodded and watched mutely as he moved past her and closed the door behind him, leaving her alone in the bathroom. Looking at herself in the mirror, she had to wipe away another tear. She looked terrible. Her face was swollen and varying shades of purple, her eyes bleary, and there were pale traces of dried blood that she’d missed when she tried to wash with the bottle of water Josh had given her after she’d been sick.

After using the toilet, she swapped her jeans for the flannel pants and very carefully tried to rinse off the remnants of blood off her face with some cool water. Trying to dry her face actually hurt worse than washing it. 

When she’d done what she could, she checked her reflection again. Without the dried blood she looked marginally better, but since she looked pretty terrible, that didn’t seem to be saying much. Popping two Advil in her mouth, she washed it down with some water from the sink and opening the bathroom door, she walked out with the Advil bottle in her hand. Josh was sitting on the bed with an ice pack for her.

“I called and had them set a wake up call for two hours,” he told her. “I’ll need to do another neuro check by then and a new ice pack.”

She nodded. “Why aren’t you in bed?”

“I was waiting for you,” he replied. “I’ll get in once you’re settled.”

“Okay. Here, I took some already, but I thought you might want to take a couple of these,” she said holding the bottle of Advil out to him.

“Thanks.” He took it from her and then followed her as she went around to the other side of the bed and sat down. Donna could tell he’d already fluffed the pillows for her and the sweetness of the unspoken gesture touched her.

Slipping between the sheets, she took the ice pack that he offered but didn’t put it on her face. “I’m waiting for you,” she explained. “Knowing you, you’ll wait until my eyes are closed under the ice pack and then go back to whatever you’ve been doing instead of sleeping.”

Resigned to the fact that she knew him too well to let him get away with much, he silently went over and took a couple of Advil, checked to see that everything was locked up and then slid in next to her.

Under the covers, she reached out, found his hand and took it in hers. Josh was feeling the need to be closer to her, but it was hard with her having to lie on her back and him having to be careful not to touch her face. He finally worked himself around so that he was lying on his side with his chin resting on the top of her shoulder and their clasped hands between them.

Donna watched him for a moment, then, satisfied that he wasn’t going anywhere she closed her eyes and put the ice pack on her face.

Contrary to what Josh had thought, within a few minutes he’d dropped off to sleep.

**********

The next day, the two of them sat in the hotel room playing gin rummy for a penny a point. The TV was turned to CNN and the soft sound of the commentator’s voices could be heard in the background. 

“Hey! You know there are some people that would call that cheating!” 

Donna pouted. “Yes, but I’m injured so you won’t be one of them, will you?”

Josh gave her a bemused smile. It was good to see her in better spirits. “Ah-kay, but don’t push your luck, that’s the last time you get to use that excuse,” he told her as he drew a card and discarded one. “Besides, it’s not like you need any help, you’re winning. In fact you’re creaming me. At this rate, I’m going to have to buy you a house when we get back to D.C. to pay off my debt.”

Even though she knew he was kidding, the idea of him buying her a house brought up a host of images she wasn’t up to facing so she focused on taking her turn. Picking up the card he’d just discarded, she gave him a smile. “Gin,” she said laying down her cards.

“What?! How can you have won, AGAIN?! Why do I get the feeling that I’m being hustled?”

Donna just grinned. “Count up the score so I can shuffle the cards and beat you again.”

Grumbling, he wrote down the scores on a small tablet. “Okay, here’s where the tide starts to turn in my...what’s wrong?” he said seeing the deep frown on her face as she looked at a point over his shoulder.

“They’re showing a picture of McTierney on CNN,” she told him.

Picking the remote up off the table, Josh turned and adjusted the sound so they could hear it. 

“...Recapping our top story, James Alfred McTierney, the three-term Democratic Congressman from Narragansett, Rhode Island was found stabbed to death this morning in his Federal detention cell.”

“Oh, my God,” Donna murmured as Josh watched mutely.

“...At the time of his death, McTierney, a married father of 4, was under investigation by the FBI to assess his alleged involvement in the shooting death of Feminist Majority Foundation deputy director, Amelia Gardner, and Foundation security guard Justin Evans, nearly two weeks ago. His murder came just two days after he’d been taken into custody and held for questioning. The FBI had no official comment, except to say that their investigations of the killings at the Feminist Majority Foundation and the death of Congressman McTierney were ongoing. We will bring you updates on this developing story as they become available.”

“Son of a bitch, they killed him,” Josh said.

“But how could they, Josh? He was in Federal custody. He should have been protected.”

Josh stood and started to pace. “So were you and that didn’t stop Stone from getting to you. Besides, if McTierney was just a bit player like we thought and there are others involved and they ARE within the FBI or the Justice Department, they would have had access to him.”

“But why kill him?” Donna asked as he walked over to his bag and pulled out one of the phones Mike had given them. “What purpose would it serve?”

“I don’t know, but I’d like to ask Mike the exact same question.” He sent Mike a text message and slid the phone into his pocket while they waited for him to call back. “Maybe the people he was working with were getting worried that he was going to roll over on them.”

“But Mike said even throwing McTierney in a cell hadn’t made him any more talkative,” Donna pointed out. 

“I know.”

“And wouldn’t killing him only serve to put more focus on them?”

“Yes, it would,” Josh agreed. “I know it doesn’t make any sense, then again the people we seem to be dealing with aren’t what I would call ‘rational’ or ‘logical’.”

Trying to cover all the possibilities, they went back and forth about it for the next 10 minutes until Mike called them back.

Josh pulled the phone out of his pocket and answered his call. “Hang on a second,” he told Mike. “I’m going to switch this thing to speaker we can both listen.” Sitting down at the table, Josh laid the phone down and hit the speakerphone button so Donna could hear too. “You there?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” Mike replied.

“Hey...we were just watching CNN and we saw the thing about Mc...the congressman on CNN.”

“I know, I was kind of expecting your call,” Mike replied. “That’s why it took me so long to call you back. I was over at the Federal Detention center talking to the officers on duty when it happened.”

“What exactly DID happen?” Josh asked.

“Sometime during the night, someone got in and stabbed him 12 times with a rather vicious looking hunting knife. The knife was left behind at the scene, but we didn’t find any prints or other forensic evidence from it or the rest of the scene. Whoever did it, was very careful.”

“How the hell does someone just walk into a FEDERAL detention cell and kill the inmate who also happens to be a US congressman?!” Josh demanded.

“Someone who definitely has connections. I think our suspicions that the Congressman was working with some powerful friends has now been confirmed.” 

“But why kill him and draw more attention to themselves?” Josh asked, repeating Donna’s earlier question. “You said even throwing him in a cell hadn’t made him talk.”

There was a little pause. “Actually...”

Josh glanced at Donna. “What?”

“His lawyer called me late yesterday and said he might be ready to talk.”

Josh’s surprise was reflected in the expression on Donna’s face. “Are you serious?”

Mike sighed. “Yeah, but our meeting was set for this morning so obviously I never found out what he wanted to tell me.”

“What about his attorney? Could he know something? Now that he’s dead, attorney client privilege no longer applies,” Josh said helpfully.

“Yeah, I sort of figured that out, seeing as how I didn’t just start working for the FBI last week.”

“Oh, right...sorry,” Josh replied. 

“His attorney is stonewalling me right now, but I’m working on him,” Mike told them.

Josh looked at Donna for a long moment. “What does this mean for us? I mean with the Congressman dead, the others don’t have to worry about her testifying against them, right? Won’t she be safe now?”

“I just don’t know. On the one hand the congressman won’t be going to trial so she wouldn’t need to testify. But on the other she can identify our blonde friend, not to mention the fact she’s a link in the chain from the original murder to the Congressman to the assassin and therefore anyone the assassin is working for.”

“Wait, since she took him out, Blondie the assassin isn’t a factor anymore...is he? I mean someone has him custody...right?”

There was a pause from Mike’s end. “Yeah, about that...”

“OH, come on!!!!” Josh yelled.

“The local P.D. that responded to the disturbance call thought he was a victim and not an assailant so they didn’t question him,” Mike explained. “And by the time I found out what hospital they’d taken him to and could get some agents there, he signed himself out and disappeared.”

“So he’s in the wind?!” Josh exclaimed.

Mike sighed. “Yes.”

“How is that possible?! She cracked him in the head with a lamp!”

“Actually the doctors at the hospital said she gave him a skull fracture,” Mike clarified.

“I know! I was there! What I’m saying is, we all but gift wrapped him for you guys and he still got away!”

“I know. He’s been incredibly lucky,” Mike answered.

“You think?!!” Josh bellowed as his anger and frustration bubbled over. 

Donna jumped in before he started screaming at Mike. “But you at least got his name or some fingerprints, right?” she said. “I mean you’ve got some way to identify him?”

Mike paused again. Somehow telling Donna this was even harder than telling Josh. 

“No. He was wearing gloves when they found him in the motel and even if the PD had been on the ball, there was no time to take his fingerprints in the hospital,” he told her. “And the I.D. he had on him and in his vehicle were both fakes. We don’t even have DNA since the head wound wasn’t bleeding and the hospital hadn’t started an i.v. or done anything beyond x-rays and a CT scan.”

Donna tried to hide her immense disappointment. “Oh...okay.”

“But, hey, with a skull fracture he’s probably got bigger things to worry about than you guys. I think you’re safe, at least for a few days and now that he can’t use the car’s transponder to track you, that should give you a chance to put some distance between you.”

Letting his optimism rise to the surface, Josh spoke next. “Is there any way that with the congressman dead that this whole situation might be resolved sooner than expected?”

Mike wanted to give them hope, but didn’t want it to be false hope. “I can’t be sure, but there’s a good possibility. But...until we know more, I want you to continue like nothing’s changed.”

Josh glared at the phone. “Yeah, we’ll keep doing our part, but I’d appreciate it if you and the rest of the Feds would do yours by trying not to be completely inept.”

**********

The next morning, Josh woke to find himself alone in bed and the sound of the shower running. He took that as a good sign. Donna had taken a shower the day before, but had asked that he wait in the bathroom in case she felt dizzy or faint. She must be feeling stronger if she was taking one by herself now.

Throwing back the covers he swung his feet over the side and stretched. Having a few days out of the car and sleeping on a semi-decent mattress had done wonders to rid him of the pretzel-like feeling in his back. That, coupled with the fact that Donna seemed to be on the mend, and with McTierney’s death, the possibility that this nightmare might be over sooner than expected, left him feeling pretty rested and even eager for the day.

Just then he heard the shower turn off and heard Donna moving around in the bathroom. ‘She must be getting ready to go,’ he figured.

After talking to Mike yesterday, they’d decided not to stay in Chicago as Donna had originally wanted to. Today, they planned to leave the hotel, have an early lunch and then get in the car and continue west.

Josh walked over to his bag and pulled out some clean clothes to wear after he took his own shower. A few minutes later, he heard the bathroom door open and looked up to see Donna emerging from the bathroom.

“Hey, the swelling is a lot better today,” Josh told her as she walked into the room. 

“Yeah, if you ignore the bruises I look just like Miss America...well, that is if Miss America had her face dented,” she said.

He walked over to her and laid his hands on her shoulders. “Donna, the bruises will fade and I swear that we’ll see to it that you’re nose gets fixed and looks its natural, beautiful, straight self again. If the FBI won’t pay for it, I will. But for now, I’m just happy that the swelling has gone down.”

She sighed. “I know, I know and I can almost breathe normally again, too. I guess I’m just being vain, but I hate looking like this.”

“Yeah, I would too,” he admitted.

“I’m going to try and see if I can put some make-up on while you’re taking a shower. Maybe that will cover the worst of the bruises, especially under my eyes.”

“Won’t it hurt to put it on?” he asked.

“Probably, but I’m not going out in public like this.”

Josh knew she was trying to deal with it the best way she could. “Okay, then I’ll go take my shower and give you some space. Oh, that reminds me, I need to check your nose before we leave.”

“Check it how?” she asked.

“Mrs. Bartlet told me to check for a lump in your nose after the swelling went down.”

“And how is that done exactly?”

“Well...um, I’m supposed to shine a light...you know, up your nose and look.”

She looked at him dubiously then smiled. “I hate to say this, Josh, but I think you’ll be getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop on that one.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I know.”

“Okay, go take your shower and we can do the nose thing when you get done,” she said pushing him into the bathroom.

Two hours later, Josh had showered, checked her nose and found no lumps, they’d finished getting ready, packed the car and walked over to the restaurant that sat on the corner of the hotel’s parking lot. Since it was too late for breakfast and a little early for lunch the restaurant was largely deserted. 

“If I haven’t already mentioned it, you did a nice job with the make up,” he told her as they slid into a booth. The only bruises that were discernable were on and around her nose. The ones under her eyes were completely camouflaged.

“Thanks,” she said with a smile as she pulled one of the small menus out of the holder at the head of the table. “I have a feeling that the real trick is going to be getting it off. Putting it on was painful enough, I think getting it off is going to be worse.”

A few minutes later, a young waitress came to their table. She eyed Donna suspiciously and must have seen some of the bruises shining through the make-up because she gave Josh a dirty look, but said nothing as she filled their coffee cups and took their order.

“Okay, that’s going to get old really fast,” Josh said as the waitress walked away.

“What?” Donna replied with a frown.

“The dirty looks. The looks that say everyone thinks I’m the one who gave you those bruises,” he told her. He hated that anyone could think he’d hurt her like that.

She reached across the table and gave his hand a quick squeeze. “It doesn’t matter what they think. You and I both know that truth.”

“Yeah, well...” he grumbled. “You’re not the one that people are looking at like they think you’re a wife beater.”

“Josh...” she chided, releasing his hand and sitting back in her seat. “It won’t be forever. Like you said before, the bruises will fade and in the mean time if they say anything I’ll set them straight.”

He managed to smile at that. “Well, I won’t worry then, you’re pretty formidable. They won’t dare mess with me with you there.”

**********

Stone popped a couple more aspirin, washed it down with some coffee and hoped his raging headache would go away. “So, you’re clear on the plan, Ray?” he asked turning to the other person in the car.

Raymond Sandoval was one of the henchmen that had been with Stone at the lake the night the 4 agents had been killed. He’d brought him along this time because he took orders well, was good in a pinch, and didn’t mind getting his hands dirty. 

“Yeah, I got it,” Ray told him. “When they come out of the restaurant, I’ll ask them for directions or something and while they’re distracted you’ll move in and pull your gun on them.”

“Right, then you’ll act strictly as back up,” he glanced at the front door of the diner that Josh and Donna had entered a few minutes earlier. “Once we get them in the car and restrained, we’ll drive them out to that place I found. I’ll take things from there.” In spite of his throbbing headache, Stone smiled. “I have plans...for both of them.”

**********

Donna dipped the corner of her grilled cheese sandwich in her alphabet vegetable soup and then took a bite. She watched Josh plow through his pancakes and figured it might be as good a time as any to discuss some things with him that had been going through her mind.

“Josh...?”

“Hmmm?” he said around a mouthful of pancakes.

“You know, since it looks like things might be over quicker than we thought, I’ve been giving some thought to what will happen when we get back to D.C.” she paused. “To what I want to happen.”

Josh stopped chewing for a moment. ‘This has an ominous ring to it,’ he thought as he began chewing again. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I plan on doing some groveling to get my job back.”

She stirred her soup. “Josh...I want more,” she said quietly.

“What? More soup? You haven’t even finished that bowl yet,” he said, although he knew she wasn’t talking about soup.

“No, Josh, not more soup,” she said in exasperation. “More from my job, from my life.” Then the words were coming before she thought to stop them. “I don’t want to be your assistant forever.”

Josh nearly choked on the pancakes he’d just put in his mouth. He’d be lying if he said that comment hadn’t stung. He needed her. Couldn’t she see that? He took a drink of coffee. “I know that I’m not the world’s greatest boss...” he began.

“It’s not that Josh,” she insisted. “I want to be more than an assistant, yours or anyone’s.”

“But you’re a terrific assistant,” he argued. “Ask anyone who has to work with our office and they’ll tell you that you’re the glue that holds everything together.”

“I know...and that’s great, but...I need new challenges.”

“And what, keeping me in line and on schedule isn’t challenge enough for you?” he teased.

Donna expression stayed serious. “Josh...”

“I let you do new things,” he insisted. “I had you helping Angela with the budget negotiations.”

“Yes, yes you did and I’m grateful for that,” she told him. “But is it at all possible that one reason why you lent me to her was so that you’d have a spy in the meetings? Someone who’d keep you up to date on every development? Especially if that development meant Angela Blake falling on her ass?”

“I lent you to her because I knew you could help her,” he argued. “And yes, I also needed someone there I could trust,” he argued. “Leo wouldn’t let me anywhere near the meetings after the thing with Carrick, I didn’t trust Angela any farther than I could throw her and you’re one of the few people that I trust not to stab me in the back, so yes, I sent you.”

Donna looked at him for a long moment. He trusted her and her abilities. That was one of the nicest compliments he’d ever given her. 

“Josh, do you remember when I first came to New Hampshire and you found me in your office answering your phone and hoping you wouldn’t notice you hadn’t hired me?”

“How could I forget?” he replied.

“I said then that I wanted to be valuable, that I thought you would find me valuable.”

“Yeah,” he said, feeling a little suspicious at what she might say next.

“I still want that,” she told him. “But I think I could be even more valuable if I took on more responsibilities.”

“Donna, you know as well as I do, that of all the senior assistants you’re the one with the most responsibilities.”

“But that’s as an assistant. Maybe I want a job where I have an assistant, did you ever think about that?” she asked.

“Well, you never know, maybe Leo won’t give me back the job I just walked out on to be here with you and you can have it and you can hire your own assistant.”

“Josh…”

“Look, I’m not sure NOW is the best time to be talking about this.”

“I can’t think of a better time,” she told him. “What? Do you have a meeting you have to go to? A senator that needs hand holding?”

“What do you want me to say, Donna? I gave you your job, I’ve taught you everything and now you want to leave me! What am I supposed to say to that?”

“You’re supposed to say you’ll help me figure out what I can do!” she snapped. 

As if he’d do anything to help her leave him any faster. “I can’t,” he snapped back.

“Why not?” she asked in surprise.

Laughing mirthlessly, he ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t owe you an explanation.”

“Yes, you do!” she said, banging her fist on the table. It made a few heads turn in their direction, but they both ignored it. “Tell me why. I deserve that much.”

He glared at her, knowing she wouldn’t give up until he answered her. “Because I need, you, okay! You outgrew me about 4 years ago, and I know that, but I still need you, so I was hoping you wouldn’t notice!”

That rendered her speechless for a moment. “Josh...I didn’t outgrow you. I just outgrew the job.”

“How is it different?”

She sat back in her seat and sighed. “I can’t believe you even have to ask that.” She knew that if she didn’t say this now, it would never get said. 

“Josh…if CJ had been shot at Rosslyn, do you think Carol would have practically moved in with her for 3 months? Would Ginger have moved in with Toby? Would Bonnie have sat with Sam in the ER on Christmas Eve to get his hand stitched?” she asked. “And if it was Margaret’s life that was being threatened by some crazed hit man, do you think Leo would QUIT HIS JOB just to go on the run with her?” She paused, her expression a little sad. “If you think our relationship is strictly limited to boss and assistant, then, well…you’re either a whole lot less intelligent than I think you are or you’re in denial.”

Breathing a little hard, they both stared at each other for a long moment. Suddenly, the elephant that had sat in the corner during most of their relationship, had taken on gargantuan size and was threatening to engulf them.

“Donna…” Josh faltered. The words were so hard to say. “You do mean more to me than an assistant. Which is also why I don’t want you to leave.”

She reached out and took hold of his hand. “I keep trying to tell you, Josh, I’m not leaving you. I’m not even saying that I’m going to leave my job. I just want to do something more with my life than answer your phone, type your memos, and organize you’re schedule.” She paused. “I want to do something that matters.”

“And working at the White House doesn’t matter?” 

“Of course it matters, Josh, but what about after the White House, then what?” she asked. “I don’t want to be Margaret to your Leo. Can’t I want more for my future? Don’t I deserve more?”

He stared at their clasped hands. It was impossible to argue with what she was saying. She did deserve more and he wanted to be the one who gave it to her, but what if he gave her more and she discovered it wasn’t enough? What if HE wasn’t enough? 

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “Yeah, you do deserve more. So much more than this.” 

Leaning back, he pulled his hand away from hers. “But, when I said this is not the time to talk about it, I mean...it’s really not the time to talk about it, Donna. Remember... madman, crime web, murder, conspiracy, life on the run...any of this ringing a bell? Let’s just...just let me get my life turned right side up before you turn it upside down again. Okay? Can you just do that for me?”

Donna heard no anger in his tone and saw the defeated look on his face. “Josh...” she began softly.

“You know, I think I saw a news rack outside, I’m going to go get a paper.” He started to slide out of the booth.

“Josh, please...” she begged as he stood up.

“No, it’s okay,” he told her as he settled his backpack on his shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”

‘That went well,’ she thought with a little sigh as she watched him walk to the door. ‘It only took him 5 minutes before he had to leave the room.’

Slowly she stirred her alphabet soup and hoped that somehow the answer on how to talk to Josh without making him defensive would magically float to the surface. Why couldn’t she tell him that the thing she wanted the most was him? That she wanted things from him that had nothing to do with their working relationship. Of course, all that did float to the top was a few pieces of corn, a green bean and the letters ‘t’ and ‘g’.

“You’re a big help,” she muttered to the soup and looked up to see where Josh was.

Through the diner’s large picture windows, she saw him stop in front of something, she assumed it was the newspaper stand, and stare down at it. Donna saw a man walk up to him and apparently ask him a question. As Josh turned to answer, another man seemed to materialize behind him.

The first real fear began to grip her when she saw Josh stiffen. These were no locals asking for directions. Then full blown panic erupted when she caught a glimpse of the second man’s profile. It was Stone.

But how had he found them? They’d disabled the locator in the car and she couldn’t begin to guess how he might have tracked them down.

‘What am I going to do?!’ her mind screamed.

At that point, her brain seemed to go into automatic pilot and a cold, calming wave ran through her. The first thing she had to do was not to panic. If she panicked, she’d be no good to Josh…or herself. The second thing was to find a weapon, anything she could fight with. She knew the gun Josh had taken from the motel was in his backpack, which was currently dangling from his hand, so it was no good to her. And somehow she didn’t think Stone would give Josh a chance to get it out. The only other thing she had with her was her purse. Everything else was already packed in the car.

Wait…

The car.

Yes, the car might just work. At any rate, it was their only chance.

Tossing some money on the table, she picked up the car keys Josh had left on the table, slid out of the booth and carefully bent low so they wouldn’t see her. Using the other booths and tables as cover and ignoring the odd looks the other patrons and the waitresses were giving her, she worked her way through the diner to the kitchen.

She got a couple of curious stares from the workers and one “hey, you’re not supposed to be back here,” but she wasn’t listening. She was solely focused on searching for the back door she hoped opened off the kitchen and onto the back parking lot. Sure enough, as she came around the end of a long food prep counter, she saw an exit door next to the grill.

Moving over to it, she turned the knob, pushed open the door and quickly stepped out into the sunshine. 

***********

As they stepped off the sidewalk and onto the blacktop, Josh cursed himself. How could he have been so stupid? With her waiting for him to come back, she was a sitting duck in there. He hoped by some miracle she’d seen what was happening and had taken off. While it didn’t sound like something she’d do, he hoped beyond hope that she had.

If they got her because he’d been stupid and careless, he’d never forgive himself.

“I’ll just bet you’re wishing you’d killed me the other night, huh, Lyman?” Stone taunted. 

“You got that right,” Josh said tightly.

“In the end, that’s what makes me a winner and you a loser,” he said with a chuckle. “Unlike you, given any opportunity, I crush my enemy so they don’t come back to haunt me later.”

“I won’t make the same mistake again.”

“You won’t have the chance,” Stone told him. “If you give me even the slightest bit of trouble, my friend and I are going to make sure things go that much worse on you and that little slugger girlfriend of yours.”

Josh considered trying to make a break for it, but with Stone having a firm grip on his arm and the gun sticking him in the back, he knew he wouldn’t get far.

He steeled his face as best he could and hoped that his years of political hardball experience would kick in. “Good luck with that. She’s not here. We split up after the motel that night. I don’t even know where she is now.”

“You’re a terrible fucking liar, Lyman. With you being such a big shot politician I would have thought you’d be better at it,” Stone smiled in a way that might have looked friendly to any passerby, but made Josh’s blood run cold. “You’ve both spent the last three days here and you haven’t made so much as a beer run the whole time. Oh, and I saw the two of you go in the diner a half hour ago.”

Josh snuck a peek through the window and saw that their booth was empty. “Please be running,’ he thought. ‘Please don’t do something stupid.’ He took a deep breath and vowed to buy her every extra second he could. “How did you find us? Didn’t I disconnect your little transmitter?”

Stone grinned, actually grinned. “Yeah, but you only disconnected one of them.” He motioned to Ray. “Go inside and get her. Don’t make a scene. Tell her...” his eyes fell on Josh again. “Tell her, I’ll let him walk away if she comes quietly.” 

As Ray disappeared into the diner, Josh cursed himself. How utterly naive he’d been. “How many of those bugs are in the car?”

“Enough,” Stone answered. “I’ve got an inside man in the FBI motor pool. I told him to hide something a little extra in any car your pal Casper might requisition and he was more than happy to oblige.”

‘Just like Mike thought,’ Josh thought. He watched through the diner window as Stone’s buddy scanned the room for Donna. “So, you’ve got us all figured out?”

”I’ve got a lot of things figured out,” Stone said. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about you two while we’ve been apart. I’ve made quite a few plans for us.” His maniacal smile faded. “By the way, where’s my gun?”

Josh’s hand tightened reflexively on the strap of his backpack where he’d stashed the gun. To have a means of defense so close and yet so far away was almost painfully frustrating. “The police must have it if you don’t,” Josh replied coolly. “The last time I saw it, it went flying right before a 110 pound woman kicked your ass.”

“I know you don’t realize it yet, but you’re only digging yourself in deeper,” Stone told him. “Now, let’s try again...where’s my gun?”

“I don’t know. There wasn’t time to look for it. You can believe that or not, but it’s the truth.”

“No, I don’t think it is.” Stone said with a lopsided grin. He leaned forward a little, laying a hand on Josh’s shoulder in what might have looked to a stranger like a friendly gesture. “Maybe when that little spitfire joins us I’ll have to search her.”

Josh stiffened involuntarily. “Leave her alone,” he growled.

“Now Lyman, you know I can’t do that. I’ve got to find out what she knows and who she told. Besides which, I owe her for the skull fracture she gave me.” He paused. “You want to watch while I cut off all her clothes and have my fill of that lean body of hers?”

Josh couldn’t help but struggle against Stone’s grip. “You sick son of a bitch! If you lay a finger on her, I’ll kill you.”

Through his jacket, Stone jabbed the gun roughly into Josh’s ribs to quiet him and remind him who was in charge. “Do you think she’ll scream?” he whispered conspiratorially. “It will be more fun if she screams.”

A wave of nausea rolled over Josh, but it receded immediately when he caught sight of their car. Josh had shifted positions in the struggle and was now facing the hotel parking lot. Stone was facing away, toward the street. He didn’t see the stunning image of the car quickly bearing down on both of them.

Josh didn’t know it was possible to feel so much relief, surprise and anger all at once.

From there things happened very quickly.

Just then Ray emerged from the restaurant and Josh worked to keep his expression placid.

“She’s not...” Ray began, but trailed off when he saw the car.

That made Stone turn. But by then it was too late. 

Josh was ready and took advantage of the confusion. Pulling away from Stone, he dove to the side and rolled safely out of the way. 

Donna had taken perfect aim and she managed to nail Stone and Ray with the car in one shot. Ray went up and over the hood before rolling off the side of the car. Stone she caught in the right leg, breaking it instantly and throwing him backward about 10 feet.

Crouched behind a nearby car, Josh watched Donna circle quickly and head back toward him. He caught sight of Stone, who was struggling to sit up and had pulled his gun out of his jacket pocket. Ray was lying on the other side of the driveway and wasn’t moving at all.

Donna squealed to a stop in the next aisle. “COME ON, JOSH!!!” she screamed.

Josh barely had one shoulder out from behind the parked car when Stone fired the first shot. It hit the hood in front of him with a metallic pop. He crouched down again. A second shot ripped through the back windshield of Donna’s car, sending glass shards flying.

“Go!” he shouted.

She crouched as low in the driver’s seat as she could. “COME ON!!!”

“Dammit Donna, GO!!!” Keeping low, Donna simply shook her head as best she could as she hugged the wheel. “Please,” he whispered.

The next shot jolted him into action. He fished the gun out of his backpack and thumbed the safety. Taking a deep breath, he got ready to run. He took off when he heard the next shot, but it was only a fraction of a second before Stone was firing again, and now Josh was out in the open with no cover.

He pointed the gun in Stone’s general direction, and, not taking the time to aim, fired back. The gun kicked slightly in his hand, sending an unexpected vibration up through his arm. Keeping one eye on Stone and one eye on Donna, he ran flat out and heard a number of bullets whiz past him. 

He couldn’t be sure how many shots he’d fired or whether he’d actually managed to hit Stone or not. At that moment he didn’t care. He made it to the car and throwing open the back door, dove inside.

“GO, GO, GO!!!” Josh yelled, pulling the door closed. As Donna peeled away, the sound of gunfire hitting the car echoed loudly and the back window finally shattered as Stone landed a parting shot.

Frantic to escape, Donna raced through the parking lot. There was a driveway at the back of the hotel that had been blocked off with a thick chain but Donna barreled right through it, snapping the chain like a thread. She was going so fast that when she turned, she slid more than actually drove onto the street.

Flooring it again, she raced away from the motel. With all the windows either missing or open, the sound of the wind was almost deafening. Donna hit the button and raised the ones she could, which cut down on the wind a bit. She could hear well enough now to just make out Josh’s voice, shaky and disconnected, coming from the back seat.

“Oh, my God,” he said with quiet horror.

“Are you okay?!” she asked breathlessly as she squealed around a corner and headed for the freeway. Even though they had been planning to head west that day, she headed deeper into Chicago. Getting lost in a crowd sounded good right about then.

Josh stared at the shaking hand he’d just pulled away from his body. It was covered in blood.

“I’m...I’ve been shot.”


	11. Chances

Chapter 11

“WHAT?!” Donna yelled, almost driving the car off the road as she twisted around to look back at him.

His whole body was beginning to tremble. “It’s okay...”

“NO, it’s NOT! Where are you hit?” 

“It’s my arm.” Pressing his hand to his right bicep, he hissed. It hurt viciously. He had to swallow a wave of nausea when he felt warm, fresh blood oozing between his fingers. 

Donna’s heart was pounding so hard the sound of it nearly drowned out what Josh was saying. “Anywhere else?”

It took him a minute to focus enough to answer. “I don’t think so.”

Donna was torn between getting them away from the hotel and pulling over to check Josh. “How bad is it?”

“Well, I’ve been shot so, you know...” he said weakly as a wave of dizziness crashed over him. “I don’t think it’s bad...just the arm,” he answered. “Bleeding pretty good though,” he added a bit absently.

That got her attention. “I’d better pull over...”

“NO!” he exclaimed. “Keep going. We need...” He took a breath and tried to calm down so he wouldn’t panic her. “...to find a place...to ditch the car.”

“Why?” she asked as she blew through the red light at a nearly deserted intersection and, turning, raced up the freeway on-ramp just beyond it.

“It’s how he found us,” Josh tried to explain. “Stone said…he had an inside guy.” He was breathing hard and knew that he was going to hyperventilate if he didn’t get some control. “There’s at least...one other tracking thing...on the car.”

“Can’t we just disable it like we did with the first one?” she said, cutting off a small pick-up truck as she merged into freeway traffic. 

“No...there may be more than one and...he didn’t say...where they were,” Josh replied. “We can’t...take the chance.”

Donna shoved a hand through her hair. “Right...okay. We’ll just have to get a different car.” But at the moment, the car was the least of their problems. “But first we need to find a hospital...”

“NO!” Josh exclaimed. “Can’t go to a hospital. Gunshot wound...they’ll call the police. Stone might find us.” Stone’s threats on what he planned to do to Donna played through Josh’s head and he felt another wave of nausea. “He can’t find you.”

“I hit him with the car, Josh, he’s going to be out of commission for a while.”

“That’s what we thought...after you hit him...with the lamp,” Josh said.

“But Josh, you’re bleeding!” she yelled.

“So were you...” he pointed out. “NO hospitals. I’ll live. Just need to stop the bleeding. Call Mike...maybe he or Mrs. Bartlet...can help.”

Donna reached across the front seat to her purse and yanked out the cell phone Josh had given her. Thumbing the power button, she sent Mike a coded text message and tossed the phone back on the seat.

They were now heading deeper into Chicago. With the panic and fear still firmly in control, Donna was racing down the freeway, weaving in and out of any traffic that she encountered.

“Donna...slow down,” Josh said breathlessly. Even though his initial panic had faded, the pain in his arm was still making it hard to breathe. 

She looked at the speedometer and saw she was going almost 90. With everything that had happened, she hadn’t even realized it. Taking her foot off the accelerator, she tried to slow her thoughts down enough to make sense of them. She had to figure out what to do next.

Josh was right. All the running in the world wouldn’t do them any good if Stone or one of his men could track them down using the car. Stone and the other guy at the diner were out of commission for now, but who knew how many others were working with him? And they couldn’t stop and get Josh’s arm taken care of if Stone knew where they were. Damn. Before she could do anything for Josh, they were going to have to ditch the car. They could take cabs while they were in Chicago. Even with fake IDs, renting a car would leave too much of a paper trail. Once they got rid of the car, she would figure out what to do about Josh’s arm.

Josh had gotten very quiet in the back seat and she looked in the rear view mirror. His eyes were closed and his head bowed slightly.

“Hey, are you okay back there?” she asked with a worried frown.

“Yeah, just trying...not to be sick,” he answered without opening his eyes.

Keeping them closed seemed to help his nausea and his breathing. Of course, the pain in his arm was still a living thing that went from terribly painful when he kept still to excruciatingly painful when he tried to move his arm or his fingers. There was also a weird tingling in his fingers. Almost like they were half asleep.

Needing to give him some sort of comfort Donna reached back and managed to touch his knee. “Okay, just hang on,” she told him. 

Just then the cell phone started ringing.

Snatching it up, she pressed the ‘talk’ button. “We’re in trouble,” she said without preamble.

There was a stunned little pause on Mike’s end. “What happened?”

“He got shot!”

Mike’s stomach clenched. “Who? Who got shot?”

“Him! Who do you think?!”” she said, the panic quickly coming back into her voice. 

“How?!” 

“With a gun!” 

“No,” Mike said in exasperation. “How did it happen? Did he forget to set the safety on the gun or something?” 

“Of course not! I’m not kidding here! We’re in real trouble!” she yelled into the phone. “The guy shot him!!!”

Mike felt a little panic of his own. He never expected that Stone would find them again. Taking a breath, he worked to keep his voice level. “How bad?”

“Well, he’s bleeding all over the place if that’s what you mean.”

“No, I mean where did he shoot him?”

“The arm.”

Mike felt a little bit of relief at that. “Anywhere else?”

“What, that isn’t enough?!” she screeched. “And he won’t let me take him to the hospital...”

“He’s right,” Mike said. “If the guy is on your tail you, can’t go to the hospital. The police would get involved and you need to keep moving.”

“I know, I know,” Donna said, sounding close to tears. “We’re back on the interstate, but...”

“Listen to me,” Mike said sternly. “You have to calm down. For his sake. If I’m going to help you, I need you to calm down and tell me what happened.” 

“We were having an early lunch and my friend went outside for a paper and the blonde man and his buddy ambushed him,” Donna explained. “I got him out of it with the car, but he got shot in the process.”

“I just don’t know how that could have happened...”

“He said he had an inside guy that hid more tracking things in the car...” Donna interrupted. “...but didn’t say where they were.”

“Okay, you’re going to need to ditch the car as soon as you can,” Mike said.

“Yeah, we figured that out about 20 minutes ago!” Donna yelled. “But what about his arm?!”

“How deep is the wound?”

“I have no idea!” she told him. “But he said it’s bleeding a lot.”

“Okay, unless it’s gushing, it’s probably just a really bad flesh wound.” Mike paused. “And you’re going to have to take care of it on your own. You can’t take him to a hospital, he’s right about that. You’ve got to ditch the car as quick as you can, and then you’ve got to take care of his arm.”

“This is crazy. You’re both out of your minds!” Donna shot back. “How the hell am I supposed to take care of it? He needs a doctor!”

“I know, but a doctor really isn’t an option at this point. They’ll take one look at his arm and see that it’s a bullet wound and by law they have to call the police. Right now, you’re all he has,” he told her, hoping that would get through to her.

It worked. Donna took a deep breath and tried to gather her nerve. “Do you think Mrs. ..that our doctor friend could help us like she did before?”

“No, she’s out of the country.” Mike paused. “But I had some field medic training in my early days with the agency. I’ll talk you through it.”

Donna was dubious, but again, it was all they had. “Okay.”

“But first things first, you need to get rid of the car and then get somewhere you’ll be safe.”

“Again...that much I already figured out,” she said in exasperation. “Any idea where I can ditch the car?”

“It should be some place public. Like a parking garage or a big shopping center where there are a lot of other cars. If he used the standard transmitter, it can only pinpoint a location within 50-100 yards, so if you’re in among a bunch of other cars it will help give you a little cover.”

“Yeah, because the fact that our car looks like swiss cheese isn’t going to be enough of a give away,” Donna threw back.

“I know,” Mike said. “But it’s all we’ve got right now.”

Donna blew out a breath. “Okay, but I also need a place where I can arrange other transportation and I don’t have all day to drive around looking for...” Just then, she saw a sign on the freeway overpass and it provided the perfect answer. It nearly made her weep with relief. “Never mind, I know where to go,” she told him as she took the transition to the new freeway. 

Mike was glad to hear Donna’s voice sound steadier.

“When you’re ready to go to a drug store to get supplies, send me another text message and I’ll call you back. In the mean time, apply pressure and try to staunch the bleeding. Have him keep the arm still and as soon as you get him settled somewhere, you’re going to need to get him drunk. Try whisky or scotch.” 

“Drunk? Why?” Donna asked, baffled.

“When you work on his arm, it’s going to hurt and you won’t have much of anything to give him for the pain. It will go easier for both of you if he’s passed out. Just don’t let him drink too much.”

“Okay, I understand. What about our blonde friend and his buddy?”

“I’ll send some men to the hotel. Where were you staying?”

“The outskirts of Chicago. A Ramada Inn off the I-55 at exit 277.”

“Okay, I’ll make sure that they’re picked them up or at least that the local P.D. doesn’t bungle it,” Mike told her.

“Fine,” Donna said. “Um...can I ask a personal favor...?”

“Of course,” Mike replied.

“Get him this time, okay? If you don’t...I don’t think he’ll ever stop coming after us and we can’t run forever.”

“I’ll do everything I can, you have my word on it,” Mike told her. “Now, get going. I’ll be waiting for your text message.”

“Bye.” Hanging up the phone, she shoved it back in her purse.

She looked in the rear view mirror at him. Josh looked a little pale and his head was resting against the back of the seat, but his eyes were open and his voice seemed a little steadier. 

“So where are we going...?” he asked her weakly.

“O’Hare Airport,” she told him. “I saw a sign for it a few miles back and that’s what gave me the idea. There are plenty of other cars and crowds of people to hide us, and tons of taxi cabs that can take us anywhere.”

“’kay.” 

“They have a lot of surveillance cameras at the airport,” Donna said. “We’ll have to change cabs a couple times to make sure they don’t use the footage to track us.” She looked at him in the rear view mirror again. “You up for that?”

“I’ll be fine,” he said resolutely, although he wasn’t at all sure he would be. A weird cold seemed to be settling into him and at the moment, even the idea of standing up didn’t sound particularly attractive.

Donna nodded and turned her eyes back to the road, but she kept glancing at him in the rear view mirror to see if he was in any kind of distress. She frowned when he just closed his eyes and went back to resting his head back against the seat.

A long silence, cut only by the whistling of the wind through the shattered windows, stretched between them as they headed for O’Hare.

“Donna...” Josh finally said.

She looked in the rear mirror and saw his eyes were open now. “What? Is something wrong?”

“You should have left me, Donna,” he chided. “At the diner...you know...you shouldn’t have come back for me.”

Donna felt a slice of anger. “Would you have left me?”

He stared at her in the mirror. “No.”

“Then stop being Mr. Noble and shut up!” she snapped.

In response, another long silence stretched between them as Donna saw the exit for O’Hare International and took it. 

Even after they got off the freeway, they seemed to have to drive for a long time to get to the enormous parking garage. At first, Donna was going to park on the ground floor but then she thought it would be safer if she made it harder to find the car, so she parked on the third floor near the elevators. 

The third floor was for long term parking, which made it full of cars, but sparse on people. Since the worst of the damage to the car was to the back and the driver’s side, Donna backed into the space so it was much harder to see the broken windows and the bullet holes.

She was glad to see that there was also a rack of luggage carts by the elevators. One would come in handy when she had to get Josh and their bags from the car down to a taxi. 

“We’re here, Josh,” she said, switching off the engine.

“Huh?” he said, a little groggily, as if he’d fallen asleep.

She turned in the seat to look at him. “I said we’re here.”

“Oh...” he said looking around a bit disoriented. “The airport?”

“Yeah,” she said with a nod. Her heart clenched when she saw the circle of red on the pale beige fabric of the seat next to him, where the hand of his injured arm was resting. “Josh, you’re still bleeding,” she said worriedly.

Slowly, he glanced from her down to the seat. He blinked at the stain as if he hadn’t realized it was there. “I guess I am.”

That seemed to spring her into action. Climbing out of the driver’s seat, she opened the trunk and pulled out her bag. 

After trying to brush away as much of the broken glass that littered the back seat as she could, she climbed in next to him. Dropping her bag on the floor of the backseat, she fished out the bag containing their first aid supplies and dropped it on the seat. Now she was almost glad that her nose had been broken and her feet had been so blistered. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have had anything more than a Band-aid with her.

Yanking off her jacket, she flipped on the car’s dome light. “Let’s take your jacket off so I can look at your arm,” she said, reaching out to help him.

“I can do it,” he said a little petulantly.

“Okay, sorry.” 

She sat back and watched for about 15 seconds as he fumbled with it. Between his injured arm and his weakness from the blood loss, his efforts were all but ineffective. Donna quickly got antsy. There was just no way to know who might be coming for them and how soon they’d be there.

“Josh, I’m sorry, but we really don’t have time for this,” she said batting his uninjured hand away and quickly but carefully started removing his jacket. This time he didn’t resist.

First, she got his uninjured arm out of the jacket. Then, just as she had feared, when she started to pull the jacket away from his wound, she found that part of his wound had glued itself to the tattered hole in his jacket.

“This is probably going to hurt,” she said.

“I know...it’s okay,” he replied.

Then she remembered what they’d done to get her feet out of her shoes. “Wait, I have an idea.” 

Fishing an unopened bottle of water out of her bag, she poured a good amount of water on the wound and the hole in the jacket to loosen things up. The water made Josh hiss but after she waited a minute, the jacket pulled free pretty easily.

“Very slick,” he commented with a sleepy little grin.

Donna stared down at his arm. It rested limply beside him and was covered in blood, as was the sleeve and the side of his grey t-shirt. 

“Let’s take your shirt off.”

“You’re just trying to...take advantage of me in...my weakened condition,” he managed to tease as she efficiently removed his shirt.

She had no quick comeback for him and was silent as she tossed the shirt aside and examined his wound.

Donna nearly cursed when she saw it. She’d held out hope that it would be minor enough not to need more than a good cleaning and regular bandage changes, but it was obviously going to need stitches.

It was a deep graze and looked almost like someone had scooped a four-inch long, one-inch deep furrow on the outside of his right bicep about halfway between his shoulder and his elbow. It was also, for the most part, still bleeding freely. Knowing they didn’t have time to really take care of the wound properly, Donna decided to rinse it and pack it as well as possible. That way, they could hopefully control the bleeding enough to keep him from slowly bleeding to death, while also keeping him from bleeding all over the cabs they were going to need to take.

She poured the rest of the water in the bottle over the wound and then folded large pieces of gauze into a dressing and packed it as gently as possible into the wound. The unavoidable pain it caused made Josh grit his teeth and let out a groan.

“Sorry,” she apologized as she added another layer of gauze pads on top of that, then began to roll a long strip of gauze around his arm to hold the dressing in place.

“’S okay,” he mumbled.

She taped the end of the gauze down and then just to make sure it stayed in place, she tore off another strip of gauze and, being careful not to make it too tight, tied it around his bicep. 

“There,” she announced. 

“Thanks,” he said. His arm didn’t feel any better, but HE felt better that blood wasn’t running down his arm anymore.

“Wait here a second, I’ll be right back.” 

Going around to the open trunk again, she reached into Josh’s duffle bag and pulled out a clean t-shirt and a sweatshirt, along with two more bottles of water.

Returning to the back seat, she laid the clothing on the other side of Josh and then soaked the clean part of Josh’s discarded t-shirt with water and quickly, but gently tried to clean the remaining blood off his arms and hands the best she could. As if things were finally catching up with her, she felt a little wave a nausea as she was cleaning the blood off him. There was so much of it.

“You take good care of me,” Josh murmured softly.

“Thanks,” she replied as she continued to wash him off. The two of them were quiet for a moment.

“Donna...?” he said weakly.

“Yeah?” she said, not looking up as she dried off his arm.

“I’m sorry I walked away...at the diner...walked out on you.”

She paused, but couldn’t meet his eyes. “Josh...not now.” 

He watched her with an almost fascinated detachment. “I deserve that. I said the same thing...to you.”

‘And you were right,’ Donna thought silently. They shouldn’t have been talking about it. She never should have brought it up in the diner. It’s why he was sitting there bleeding.

“It’s not that, Josh. I just...not now, okay? We’ve definitely got bigger problems,” she said. “Move over a little so you’re not sitting in the wet spot on the seat,” she instructed. With a nod, he managed to do as she asked.

Picking up the clean t-shirt she made her voice and manner all business again. “Now, let’s get you dressed. Your jeans are a little wet, but it’s mostly water, so I don’t think anyone will notice,” she said, gently threading his injured arm through one sleeve, then the other arm through the other sleeve and then pulled it down over his head and neck. “Lean forward,” she instructed as she tugged the shirt down into place. 

Snatching her jacket off the seat she started to ease his injured arm into the sleeve. 

“That’s...your jacket,” he protested.

“I know, but it’s waterproof and will act as a barrier if your arm soaks through the dressing. Plus we need to keep you as warm as possible until we can stop someplace,” she told him.

She nudged him to lean forward again and pulled the jacket around his shoulders so she could get his other arm into it. 

“But it’s yellow,” he protested. “And it’s too tight on me.”

She slid his other arm in the jacket. “I know it’s snug. I think it’s better that way so it will keep you warm, plus it will fit under the sweatshirt I brought you to wear. People won’t see the yellow,” she said as she started to put the sweatshirt on him too. She was getting pretty good at dressing him.

“Why can’t I just...put my own jacket back on?” he whined like a tired little boy.

“Because it’s soaked with blood and has a bullet hole in it,” she said trying not to lose her temper with him. He either apparently saw the logic in that or knew she was about ready to smack him, because he didn’t argue about it anymore.

After taking a glance around to make sure they hadn’t drawn any unwanted attention, Donna started gathering up anything they were going to need to take with them and shoving it down in her bag or Josh’s backpack.

Her eyes caught the dark glint of the gun lying on the floorboard of the back seat. On the one hand she wanted to leave it there. After today and Josh getting shot again, she never wanted to see another gun. But the practical side of her knew that they might need it. 

Practical won over emotional and she picked up the gun, flipped the safety the way Josh had shown her and put it into his backpack. 

“Okay, I’m going to go and get us a luggage cart, I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

“And here I thought I’d...run a few laps,” he told her with a weak grin but she’d already climbed out of the car and disappeared. 

Donna hurried across the aisle to the large rack of luggage carts. Shoving some coins in the slot, she pulled one free. Her mind kept trying to wrap itself around the situation, but she didn’t have the time or the emotional capacity for that luxury. She shut down everything but the thoughts necessary to get them away from the car and somewhere safe.

She transferred the few remaining bottles of water from the case they had in the trunk to their two duffle bags and threw the two bags, Josh’s backpack and the portfolio from Mike into the cart. Then she pulled out the small road atlas from her purse and searched for public and probably crowded places in the city where it would be easy for them to change cabs. 

Seeing four possibilities that would suit her needs she jotted them down on a piece of paper and then shoved the atlas back into her purse.

“Okay, Josh, time to go,” she told him.

Josh blinked to try and clear away some of the cobwebs in his head. He was only marginally successful. He did, however, manage to scoot to the door under his own power.

Sliding his uninjured arm around her shoulders, she put her arm around his waist and helped him to his feet. 

“Just lean on me and the cart,” she told him, pulling the cart in close so he could grab onto it. “How you doing?”

“Great,” he muttered as he gripped the cart and tried to will his legs to support him. 

With a nod, she pulled baseball caps low on his head and hers, closed up the car, dropped the keys on the front seat and slipping an arm around his waist, steered them toward the nearby elevator.

She’d hoped they’d find the elevator deserted, but of course there were three people already in it when the doors opened. They stepped aside to make room and Donna maneuvered her and Josh to the back of the car so Josh could lean against the wall. 

As they rode down, Josh leaned against her heavily, but the three other people in the car were facing forward so they didn’t notice and no one else got on the elevator during the ride to the ground floor.

Nudging him into motion, Donna herded them out of the elevator and out to the passenger departure area where there were a number of cabs waiting to pick up fares. Even in that short walk, Donna saw that Josh had begun sweating profusely and he was getting a little paler. She needed to do one thing before they got in a cab but didn’t know if Josh could remain standing while she did it. She saw a wide stone bench and planted him on it with the cart in front of him so he could rest his head on the handle.

Pulling out the piece of paper she’d used to write the locations on earlier, she took down the names and numbers of four of the cab companies she saw at the taxi stand. Then she went down the list and ordered a taxi from different cab companies to meet them at three different locations throughout the city at different points of the morning. She ordered them at 15 minute increments so one taxi wouldn’t see them getting into or out of another one. 

She worried about how well Josh would hold up, but they needed to be sure no one could track them. There was no way to know how many people Stone had brought with him. If they found them while she was working on Josh’s arm, this whole exercise would be for nothing.

Cajoling Josh into standing again, she helped him over to the nearest available taxi, one that wasn’t from one of the companies she’d just called. 

“Just let me do the talking,” she told Josh.

“’kay,” he replied more docile than ever. 

The driver came around, and while Donna put Josh in the back seat, he opened the trunk and loaded everything inside. Being sure she was on his uninjured side, she climbed in next to Josh and waited for the driver.

“How you doing?” she asked Josh gently.

“Tired...shaky,” he said.

“I know, I’m sorry,” she said as she softly brushed her fingers over his forehead in an attempt to wipe away a little of the sweat that had gathered there. “We’ll stop just as soon as we possibly can.”

To make them a little more inconspicuous, she slid a pair of sunglasses on his face and put on a pair of her own. 

“Just rest your head on my shoulder. We’ll have a few minutes before we get to our first stop,” she told him. Without a word, he settled his head on her shoulder.

“Where to, folks?” the driver said getting in.

“The main student union building at Northwestern University,” she told him.

Without a word the driver put the car in gear and drove away from the airport. Unconsciously taking Josh’s hand in hers, she stared out the window at the city. It was a beautiful May day in Chicago and as she watched the people and places go by, Donna had a distinct feeling of surrealness. Everyone she saw was just going about their normal lives without having to worry about a crazed, determined hit man stalking them. She’d almost forgotten what it felt like to have that kind of normalcy. Oddly enough, she almost hated the all these people for having it now. 

“Is he okay?” the driver asked, breaking her out of her reverie.

She glanced at Josh and saw he appeared to be asleep or passed out on her shoulder.

“Yes, he’s fine. He just hates to fly,” she told the driver. “He’s almost phobic about it and on top of it, flying makes him airsick so he takes Dramamine and then has to sleep it off when we get where we’re going.”

“That’s rough. Where you folks from?”

Although after everything that had happened, her first instinct was to be suspicious of all his questions, she’d been in enough cabs to know that some drivers were just chatty.

“We’re visiting from Ohio. Toledo, actually. My husband has his own accounting firm and I run the office for him.”

The driver grinned. “The woman behind the man, eh?”

“Something like that,” Donna told him with a smile that she hoped looked convincing.

“You two in Chicago on vacation?”

“Yes. My younger sister goes to Northwestern University and we’re here to visit her.” Donna couldn’t quite believe how easily the lies were coming. It was disconcerting. She’d never been a very good liar. But that had been before this nightmare had started.

“Ah, that’s nice,” he replied, jovially.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Donna began. “On the way, could you stop at a liquor store for me? I need to pick up something.”

“No problem, ma’am. Are you celebrating something?” the driver asked.

“Yes, it’s also our fifth wedding anniversary,” she said. That lie was the most painful of all. She just hoped that Josh really was asleep and hadn’t heard it.

“Congratulations!” he exclaimed. 

A few minutes later the driver pulled over at a small neighborhood liquor store and Donna ran in, leaving a sleeping Josh in the cab. She was back in about three minutes with a small bottle of whiskey stashed in a plain brown bag.

Much to Donna’s relief, their earlier conversation had seemed to exhaust the driver’s ‘chattiness’ and they rode the rest of the way to Northwestern in relative silence. 

They made their way through the city, changing cabs at Northwestern University, the aquarium and finally at Wrigley field. Each time they switched taxis it was harder and harder to rouse Josh.

By the time she found them an older, out of the way place to stay called the “Lakeside Motel,” Josh wasn’t the only one who was exhausted. 

The motel itself was a standard two story motel and each room had its own exterior door so it would be easy to get in and out. There was a small restaurant next door and most importantly, they’d passed a large Walgreen’s just a half a block away where she could get supplies to treat Josh’s arm. 

To save Josh from having to get out of the taxi again, she had him wait in the cab right outside the door in her line of sight while she went in and got them a room. 

When she came back to the cab, she gave the cab driver a room number near their actual room. She figured if anyone asked him, he’d give them the wrong room.

Rousing as the driver unloaded their things at their ‘room,’ Donna was finding it difficult to rouse Josh and she wondered if she’d need the whiskey after all when she took care of his arm.

“Josh, I know it’s hard, but I need your help,” she told him quietly. “I need to get you out of the cab. Can you help me?”

“I’ll try...so tired,” he said groggily.

“I know you are, but it’s just a little farther and then you can rest,” she promised. “Please, Josh, you’ve got to try.”

“Okay,” he murmured as he slowly started to move. “I will.”


	12. Chances

Chapter 12

With a little help from Josh, she was finally able to get him out of the cab. Propping him against the wall, she paid off the driver, but waited until the taxi had driven away before she made any move toward their real room. 

Picking up their things and sliding her arm around Josh’s waist, Donna guided them toward their room, six doors down.

They had to take things slow so it seemed like it took forever to cover even the small distance. Josh half tripped twice and they were too busy concentrating on just getting there to have the energy for talking, but eventually they made it to their room.

Propping him up against the wall again, she slid the key card into the reader. When the light shone green, she opened it and peeked inside. What she found was a large but basic room with older furnishings and an aging kitchenette. On the other hand, it looked clean and serviceable enough to suit their purposes. 

She helped Josh inside and put their bags on the floor inside the door. Before she would let him lie down on the bed, she stripped off the top bedding so all that was left was the fitted sheet-covered mattress and the pillows. That way, she reasoned, they’d still have some clean sheets when it came time for him to sleep. 

“Sit down,” she instructed.

“I’ll do you one better,” he mumbled, starting to lie down on his good side.

“No, just a minute,” she said sitting him carefully back against the headboard before going into the bathroom. A moment later she emerged carrying a plastic cup. She pulled out the bottle of whiskey she’d bought and poured him a glass. She longed to take a hit of it herself, but she needed her wits about her now more than ever.

“Here, you need to drink this,” she said holding the cup out to him. 

He looked at her blankly. “Why?”

“Well, it was Mike’s suggestion and I think he’s right. When I work on your arm it’s going to hurt and it would be better for both of us if you were passed out.”

Still not taking the glass, he continued to look at her. “I thought you already...took care of my arm...at the airport.”

“I just packed it, Josh. It’s going to need stitches.”

His pale face took on a tinge of green. “You’re going to...stitch up my arm?”

“Well, I’d rather have a doctor do it, but since a doctor is out, you get me,” she told him. “So you’d better drink this. That way, by the time I get back from getting supplies at Walgreen’s you should be passed out enough to be at least mostly unaware of what I’m doing.”

He took the glass from her and stared at the contents. “What is it?”

“Whiskey.”

“Is it enough to make me...pass out?”

“Given your system and your current condition, Josh, I imagine the fumes would be enough,” she said, walking over to her purse and pulling out the cell phone. Thumbing the power button, she sent Mike a text message and got out a small tablet of paper to write down everything she would need.

She was glad to see that Josh, apparently now resigned to the idea of her stitching his arm up and having no desire to be awake for the experience, began to sip on the whiskey with a somewhat unpleasant look on his face.

“Josh, you need to drink it as fast as you can without getting sick,” she said gently. “We need it to hit you kind of hard to get the effect we’re going for.”

He let out a frustrated breath, but his expression took on a note of determination and he took a longer drink.

Just then the cell phone rang. “Hey...I’m ready for the list,” she told Mike as she settled herself at the table with the pad and a pen.

After getting her to describe Josh’s wound in more detail, Mike began to rattle off things she should get.

Lots of rolled gauze and gauze pads, cotton balls, sewing thread in an unopened package, the heavier denim kind if they had it, regular sewing needles, and if they had them, curved needles, and latex gloves.

Rubbing alcohol, Betadine liquid solution and cream, hydrogen peroxide, sterile saline from the contact lens section, more Advil, Neosporin, and something called “Dermaplast” which was a spray on topical pain reliever for cuts and scrapes.

A couple pairs of small, sharp scissors, a package of waterproof absorbent pads that were normally used to spread on the bed under patients with incontinence problems but in this case would keep Josh from bleeding all over the bed, a sling for his arm, paper towels, and some small cheap plastic bowls to use to soak things in alcohol.

Then, for clean up, bleach and laundry detergent.

“Okay, I got it,” Donna said. “Oh, what happened at the hotel?” she asked Mike. “Did you get them?”

There was a huge silence at the other end. “The blonde one was gone when the police got there.”

Donna’s mouth dropped open and her heart started to pound. “But how?! I hit him with the car! I know I had to have broken his leg at the very least. How does he just get up and walk away?!”

“I don’t know, but he was gone. We did find his blood at the scene though and it’s enough that we’re going to run a DNA test on it and then run it through CODIS and see if we can get an ID on him.”

“And I suppose the other one got away too?” Donna nearly snarled.

“No...” He paused. “The other one’s dead.”

Donna actually felt the blood drain out of her. “Dead? He’s dead?” she choked on the words.

“Yes, he was alive when the paramedics got to him but his injuries were too severe and he died on the way to the hospital,” Mike said as gently as he could.

“Because of me? Because I hit him with...the car? I mean St...the other guy, didn’t shoot him or he wasn’t caught in the crossfire, right?”

“No...he died of injuries he sustained when you hit him,” Mike said. “Luckily, from his finger prints we were able to identify him. He was a DEA agent.”

She’d killed someone, granted in self defense and to save Josh, but she’d still taken a life and she simply didn’t know how to deal with it. “A DEA agent?” 

“Yeah, but we think he was dirty. He’d been investigated a couple of times for drug shipments and drug money that mysteriously disappeared, but they could never pin anything on him directly.” Mike paused. “He was no choir boy.”

“Did he have any family?” She didn’t know why she was asking, but found it important to know.

“No, he was single, never married, no kids.”

Somehow it didn’t make her feel any better. “Oh, okay,” her voice trembled a bit.

“You had no choice,” Mike told her. “From what you told me, he and his friend would have killed you both if you hadn’t used the car to get away.”

“Yeah, I know,” she said, still not feeling any better. “I’ve got to go.”

Mike had a feeling she was still feeling guilty about the dead man, but he doubted that anything was going to say would make her feel better. 

“Okay, text message me when you’re ready to start on his arm.”

“I will,” she said softly as she hung up the cell phone and slid it into her purse.

“They didn’t...get Stone?” Josh asked her.

His voice startled her a bit and her head snapped up and she blinked at him. “Um, no, he was gone when the police got there,” she told him. “But they found some of his blood and they’re going to do a DNA test and put it through CODIS and see if they get a hit.”

“I can’t believe he got away...again,” Josh said although he was too weak to muster much heat behind his words. “Wait, then who’s dead?”

“The other guy,” Donna told him tonelessly. “Turns out he was a DEA agent. He died from the injuries he got when I hit him with the car.”

Josh, who was already starting to feel a buzz from the alcohol, stared at her for a long moment and saw the shock on her face. “You had to, Donna...you saved us.”

She stared at him. “My head knows that, but my heart can’t get past the fact that I just killed someone.”

“Yeah,” Josh murmured. He knew that he had to shift her focus or she’d start wallowing. “I finished the whiskey,” he said holding up his empty cup. “And I’m already feeling lightheaded.”

Shoving the other stuff out of her mind, she focused back in on Josh. “Okay,” she said, getting up from the table and walking over to him. “Why don’t you lie down and rest while I go and get the supplies?” she suggested as she turned the lamp on next to the bed and took the empty cup from him.

“Don’t you want...to check my arm?” he mumbled.

“I don’t want to disturb the wound yet. I’ll do it when I get back,” she told him.

“’Kay,” he said, his voice already getting thick as he lay back on the bed.

“Are you warm enough?” she asked as she pulled off his shoes.

“A little cold...”

She felt his forehead and found it was a little clammy. She just prayed it wasn’t because he was going into shock. “Let me get a blanket for you.” 

Retrieving a blanket from the pile of bedding she’d laid on the floor, she came back over to him.

“Now, you be sure to leave this blanket on while I’m gone,” she told him as she covered him up. “We need to keep you warm.”

“Right,” he murmured again.

“Now, you stay here and don’t open the door for anyone. I’ll take a key with me.”

“’Kay...” he said on a sigh and seemed to drift off. Donna couldn’t help but brush her fingers lightly over the curls at the top of his head. “I’ll be back as quickly as I can,” she said quietly. Part of her hated to leave him alone but it was her only choice if she was going to help him.

Picking up her list and her room’s key card, she headed out the door, making sure that it fell closed and locked behind her.

She was back in the room 40 minutes later, her bags laden with everything she was going to need, except maybe courage. Her brain hadn’t quite made the jump from getting READY to stitch Josh up and actually doing it.

Sliding her key card in the door, the locks disengaged and she pushed open the door.

And froze...

The bed was empty.

Donna’s heart went from 0 to 160 in a flash as she was almost paralyzed with fear. Had Stone or his people come while she was gone and taken him? Had he wandered off on his own, groggy, disoriented, and now drunk? 

“JOSH!!!!” she called out, but got no response.

Dropping the bags just inside the door, she ran over to the bed in case he’d fallen out on the other side, but she found nothing. 

She should have never left him alone. If something had happened to him, she’d never forgive herself.

“JOSHUA!!! ANSWER ME!!!” she yelled, almost hysterical at that point.

Turning, she finally saw him. He was lying, half curled up on the bathroom floor. “Josh!” she exclaimed, running over to him.

Dropping to her knees, she rolled him onto his back and checked him over. He seemed to have a good strong heart beat and she didn’t find any lumps on his head. 

“Josh, wake up!” she said, slapping his cheek to try and rouse him. In her emotional state, she was probably slapping them a little harder than she needed to, but she couldn’t help it. After a long, fearful moment, he finally moved slightly and let out a low moan.

“JOSH!” she demanded shaking his uninjured shoulder. “How did you get in the bathroom?!” 

At first, it was more just a series of sounds, a grunt, a groan...a little snort. But when she repeated the question and shook him again, finally, from somewhere inside, words slowly emerged.

“Arm...bleeding...didn’t want...to ruin...” he mumbled, never opening his eyes.

“What?” 

“The bed...” he said. “...didn’t want...to ruin.”

“God, Josh, you scared the crap out of me,” she mumbled. “That’s why I left the raincoat on you.”

He shifted then, only slightly, and slid his injured arm toward her. “Bleeding again...see?”

As Josh drifted off again, Donna took his hand in hers and turned it gently. The side of it and the palm were once again covered in blood. All the jostling that had happened while they’d been getting in and out of cabs or the physical exertion of having to walk the short distance to their room must have torn the wound open and kept it open.

She’d left him alone, bleeding, barely conscious, and he’d still been more worried about leaving her with clean-up problems than his own welfare.

She sat back against the tub and rubbed at her eyes to keep the tears at bay. For a moment, a wave of emotion almost broke her. But she had to hold it together, the hardest part was yet to come. Forcing the emotion back down, she took a couple of steadying breaths.

The first thing to do was get him back into bed. Although it might be easier to clean up if she worked on him in here, she would practically have to lie down next to him to get to his wound. Plus if he got any weaker after the blood he was likely to lose when she stitched him up, he’d be completely out and impossible to get back into bed. Of course, it was going to be a bitch getting him into bed NOW too, but she hoped she could rouse him enough that he might give her at least a little help.

With a loose plan in mind and trying to be careful not to put undue pressure or strain on his arm, she grabbed him under the armpits and dragged him back to the bed. Figuring it would be easier to get his shirts off if he was sitting rather than laying and it would be easier to sit him up on the floor than on the bed, Donna managed to prop him into a sitting position by leaning against the bed.

The exertion had left her head and battered face pounding again and she made a mental note to take some Advil after she was done with Josh.

Letting out a determined sigh, first, she worked off his sweatshirt. She was dismayed to see blood discoloring the cotton fabric liner of her raincoat on the entire right sleeve. The waterproof shell had been the only thing to contain the blood. Knowing that the t-shirt and the dressing would be even more soaked she decided to leave the sleeve in place to protect the bed until she could get some of the absorbent pads under him. 

Picking up a pair of scissors she’d bought, she cut through the material of the jacket and then the t-shirt until she could pull everything but the right sleeves off of him. 

Now it was time to wake him up enough to get him into bed. Going through the same process she’d used in the bathroom, she got him to move just enough that she got him laboriously and clumsily back into bed. 

After removing the pillows and straightening him out on the bed so that his injured arm was only a few inches from the side, she retrieved the first aid supplies, the cell phone, a chair, and the room’s small table and put them by the bed.

Covering the table in one of the absorbent pads, she set out the five small plastic dishes she’d gotten and half-filled three of them with rubbing alcohol. She placed the needles in one, and the scissors in one and kept the other one in case she needed to soak or clean something else. A mound of cotton balls and a stack of unwrapped gauze pads, went in the two empty bowls. All the remaining items she set out around the bowls.

Rolling Josh away slightly, she shoved two pillows partway underneath him to prop up his shoulder and arm so the entire wound would be easily accessible. Then she placed a stack of the absorbent pads on top of the pillows. She reasoned if one became too soaked, she could pull it out and have a fresh one ready to go. She also adjusted the lamp shade so the full force of the light would be on his arm. An empty Walgreen’s bag sat beside her on the floor to catch her discards.

She sent Mike a text message and putting on a pair of gloves, began cutting away the sleeves so she could get down to the dressing. As she expected, everything was saturated with blood. On the upside, she was oddly pleased to see that the dressing she’d put on was still firmly in place. The phone rang just as she was getting ready to cut away the dressing itself. 

Clumsily pressing the speaker phone button with her gloved fingers she answered it. “Hang on, just a sec, I’m cutting away the dressing now.” 

“Okay,” Mike answered. “While you’re doing that, can you tell me how he is?”

She glanced up at Josh. He hadn’t moved since she’d arranged him on the bed. 

“I think he’s okay. Pretty much passed out from the whiskey I gave him,” she said as she cut away the outer gauze she had wrapped around his arm and pulled it free. “He’s pale though. And sweating a lot. Not to mention very weak after I dragged him all over town.” 

Because the wound had been warm and not really exposed to the air because of her jacket, the blood was sticky and a little clotted but not stuck like it had been at the airport and the wad of gauze she’d packed in the wound came free easily. 

“Okay, I can see the wound now,” she said.

“Is it still bleeding?”

“Yes, more now that I removed the dressing. It’s not gushing. Of course it wasn’t gushing before either. Oozing is a better description.”

“All right, that’s to be expected.”

She looked at the phone. “Hey, shouldn’t this have stopped bleeding by now? It’s been 2 or 3 hours since he got shot.”

“I’m no doctor, but my understanding is that each wound is different,” Mike said. “Plus the wound’s big enough that it’s hard to stop the bleeding effectively when it’s open. That’s why he needs stitches. The moving around you two had to do probably didn’t help either.”

“Right. Okay. What do I do next?”

“You’ll need to clean the wound first. There’ll be gunshot residue, dirt, and probably even metal fragments in the wound. Are you already wearing gloves?”

“Yes,” she answered.

“Okay, did you get everything on the list?”

“Yes, and I have it sitting here next to me.”

“Take the Betadine, not the cream, the liquid and a wad of gauze. Hold the gauze under the wound and pour the Betadine lightly over the wound. It will be messy but the wad of gauze should help contain most of it.”

“You want me to put it right into the wound?” she asked. “Won’t I have to rinse it out again?”

“No, the great thing about Betadine is that you can leave it in the wound.”

She did as he told her and rinsed the wound with the Betadine. “Okay, done.”

“Good, now take a couple of gauze pads and put a good amount of Betadine on them and then rub them lightly over the wound to get out any particles that might be more imbedded.”

She followed his instructions and this time Josh stirred ever so slightly and let out a low groan. “I think he’s waking up,” she said worriedly as she quickly tried to finish.

“Is he moving or seem agitated?”

“He just moved a little and groaned,” she told him.

“Then, it’s okay, it’s actually a good sign. Rubbing the wound hurts. If that’s all he does in reaction to pain, we’re in good shape.”

“Okay, if you say so,” she replied, still a little dubious as she finished cleaning the wound. He had her rinse it with more Betadine. “All right, I’m done, but it looks like it’s bleeding more.”

“That’s okay, we want that. You’ve disturbed all the little clots that were in there and probably opened up a few more spots by debriding the wound.” He paused. “Okay, now comes the hard part.”

“Yeah, because up until now everything’s been so easy,” Donna remarked.

“I know, but now you’re going to stitch him up.”

“Wait, let me change the pad and my gloves first.”

“Okay, tell me when you’re ready.”

She pulled out the top absorbent pad and tossed it into the trash bag with all the other refuse she’d been creating and then she quickly pulled on a fresh pair of gloves. “Okay, ready.”

“Cut a foot-long piece of thread and dunk it in some alcohol,” he instructed. She followed along as he continued. “You don’t have to soak it for very long, just put the whole piece in the alcohol and then take it out. Now, did you find the curved needles?” 

“Yes. They’re actually called quilting needles,” she commented for no particular reason.

“Right, quilting needles, okay. Did you already soak them in alcohol?”

“Yes.”

“Take one of the quilting needles, the thinnest you have, and thread it.”

Luckily for Donna the needles had decent-sized eyes and the wet thread went through easily. “Got it.”

“Now put ends together so that you end up with a six-inch strand.”

“Don’t I need to tie the end or make a knot?”

“No, and I’ll get to why in a minute. Just bring the ends together.”

Well, that was easy. “Okay, next?”

Mike paused for a moment. “Now you’re going to make your first stitch. Here’s what I want you to remember about making stitches. 1/8 inch, 1/4 inch. Keep saying that in your head. Hell, say it out loud if you want. 1/8 inch, 1/4 inch. You want to make your stitches no shallower than 1/8 of an inch and no deeper than 1/4 of an inch. Too shallow and they’ll tear out easily. Too deep and they might hit muscle or tendons. Also you want to make them no narrower than 1/8 of an inch and no wider than 1/4 of an inch. Same goes for how close or far apart they are to each other. No closer than an 1/8 of an inch and no farther than 1/4 of an inch. With a wound this size you’ll probably need 16 to 20 stitches. It won’t be like sewing cloth. It will be much denser so you’ll have to press a little hard.” He cleared his throat. “Starting at whichever end of the wound you want, go in next to the wound, then come through the wound and up on the other side.”

When Mike stopped talking and Donna didn’t say anything, he got worried they’d been cut off. “Hello? Are you there? Did you make the first stitch?”

Donna stared down at the needle poised just above Josh’s flesh. “I...I...I don’t know...if I can do this.” Her hand seemed frozen in place.

Mike knew he was going to have to push her, but that he also couldn’t push her too far. “Yes, you CAN do it! He needs you to do it! If you don’t he’s going to keep bleeding. Just take it one stitch at a time,” he told her. “Don’t think of it as sewing flesh. Think of it as rubber or fabric. It’s just a rubber dummy made up to look like him. There’s a hole in his covering and you’re fixing it.”

“Rubber dolls don’t bleed and they don’t feel pain!!” she exclaimed.

Mike sighed. “Okay, that was a stupid analogy.” He paused. “Look, you’re the only one he has,” he said quietly. “If you don’t help him, there’s no one else.”

“Have I mentioned how much I hate you?” she said. 

“Hate me all you want, but make that stitch.”

Donna’s body seemed to be hot and cold all at once and her head pounded like someone was sitting on her shoulders with a small mallet, but something inside pushed her forward. 

“1/8 inch, 1/4 inch,” she chanted as she somehow slid the needle into his skin for the first stitch. Josh groaned again but didn’t really move. Just as Mike had predicted, it was a little harder to push the needle through his skin than it was through cloth but she finally brought the needle up on the other side. “Okay, done” she said a little shakily. “Now what?”

“Good. Good job. I know that was hard,” Mike told her. “Now, tie the thread in a half knot down by his skin. This should start to pull the two sides of the wound together in that area. Don’t make it too tight. The skin will pull and pucker just a little, but shouldn’t look like it’s pulled way out of shape. The two sides of the wound should meet, but not overlap. When the sides do meet, finish off the knot and make a second knot just to be sure it stays together. When that’s done, cut the thread off just above the knot.”

Donna followed his instructions until she was staring down at her first official stitch. “Okay...I don’t think I’ll give up my day job to be a doctor, but the first one is done and looks like it’s holding.”

“Good. The first one is the hardest. How is he doing?”

“He moaned a little when I did it, but didn’t move around and now he’s quiet,” she told him.

“That’s good. Now let’s do the next one. Trim off the extra thread and throw the pieces away. Then put the needle back in the alcohol while you get a new piece ready.”

“You mean I need to use a new piece for every stitch? But that’s not how doctors do it,” she argued as she cut a new piece of thread.

“I know but we’re not doctors and I think it would take too long for me to try and explain to you how to stitch with one piece of thread. It involves a lot of weird knots and under and over with the thread. I could show you fairly easily but to try and explain over the phone would be next to impossible. Individual stitches take a little longer but work just as well.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

“Using the same method, do each stitch until you’ve covered the entire wound clear out to both ends.”

“All right,” she said, starting on the next one. 

As she methodically worked on each one, she chanted 1/8 inch, 1/4 inch to herself and Mike stayed largely quiet unless she had a question or he asked how it was going. Luckily the battery in the phone seemed to be holding out, since she didn’t exactly have the time to dig out the charger.

Josh continued to moan softly whenever the needle pierced his flesh, and he moved his arm once, making her have to redo a stitch, but otherwise he was cooperative and apparently unaware of what she was doing. 

With each stitch, she got a little quicker and it bothered her a little bit less. Whether it actually got easier for her or she just got numb to basically hurting him, she didn’t know.

Nearly 30 minutes later, she leaned back, let out a breath and stared down at the 18 stitches she’d put in his arm. They weren’t exactly even but they appeared to be functioning properly. “Okay, all the stitches are in,” she told Mike.

“How’s the bleeding?”

“It’s pretty much stopped,” she replied. “There’s a little seeping out at the bottom end, but I don’t see much otherwise.”

“Good, that’s very good. It will seep a little for the next 6-12 hours, but a regular dressing should keep it under control. Now, as a final step, pour some more Betadine over the stitches like you did when the wound was open and then wipe away the extra around it with some gauze and you can bandage it up.”

“Okay,” she said tiredly after she’d gotten Josh’s arm rebandaged. “Hey, the phone is almost dead, I better hang up. Is there anything else you need or I should know?”

“Not really. You did a great job. I imagine he’ll sleep for a while now. Keep him warm and watch for a fever. I’m putting together a package and I’ll include antibiotics for him. He’s not allergic to anything, is he?”

“No, he’s not.”

“Okay, when he wakes up, tell him, not to flex that bicep and he shouldn’t lift anything with that arm for the next week or two. It could tear the stitches. He should use that sling whenever he’s upright. Change the bandage a couple of times a day and use the Betadine cream on the wound. After a week, if the wound is dry, stop bandaging it and just let it breathe. You should be able to remove the stitches in about 3 weeks.”

“And how, exactly, do I remove them?” she asked.

“Well, we can talk more about it later, but basically you just snip open the stitch and pull out the thread,” Mike replied.

Donna was too tired to ask him any more questions about it. “All right. Hey, thanks for all your help, I appreciate it,” Donna told him.

“You just take care...of both of you,” he said. “I’ll call you tomorrow morning at ten to check on you. If you need anything before then, send me a text message.”

“I will. Let me know if there are any more developments.”

“Okay. Hang in there,” Mike said, before hanging up.

“Yeah, easy for you say,” she muttered turning off the phone. Stripping off her gloves, she drop them into the open Walgreen’s bag with the pile of other trash she’d generated.

She didn’t remember ever feeling quite so exhausted. Her back ached from leaning over Josh’s arm, her hands and fingers were so tired and sore from pushing and pulling the needle she could hardly move them and her broken pinky finger now throbbed in time with her headache.

“Well, I guess it’s clean up time,” she muttered as she forced herself out of the chair and stood on shaky legs.

First, she got Josh settled in the bed with some pillows back under his head and one absorbent pad under his arm in case the seepage got to be a little too much. As soon as she’d finished the last stitch, he’d gone quiet again and seemed to be sleeping comfortably or passed out comfortably, whichever the case may be. 

She stared down at him for a moment and had to resist another wave of emotion that threatened to engulf her. “I’m sorry, Josh,” she whispered as her fingers brushed feather-light over his cheek. “Sorry that you’re here because of me and that you got hurt.”

Taking another of what felt like a million steadying breaths she’d taken that day, she gently covered him with the sheet, blanket and comforter she’d removed earlier, took some Advil for the various pains stampeding through her body and then set about putting everything away, washing up and setting the room to rights.

“Some wild party,” she remarked to herself as she closed up another trash filled Walgreen’s bag.

When she was done, she was feeling in desperate need of a shower. Knowing that Josh would be asleep for a while now and seemed to be doing all right, it seemed like the perfect time for one. Plus she hoped it would help her headache.

As she rummaged through her duffle bag for some clean clothes, she ran across something she’d bought way back at the Wal-Mart in Perryville, Pennsylvania the night after her flight from the lake. 

Lord, that seemed like a lifetime ago.

She stared down at the box of chestnut brown hair color. Back then she’d had the idea of cutting and coloring her hair to help her hide from Stone. Once Josh had shown up, she’d forgotten the idea.

A pair of scissors, not the ones she’d just used on Josh, but the regular ones they’d kept in the first aid bag, gleamed back at her from the corner of the bathroom counter.

She looked long and hard at her expression in the mirror.

Maybe it was time to rethink the idea.

**********

A few hours later, Donna took a long last look out the window at the night sky and then sat down on the bed to check Josh over. Her head still throbbed dully and her hands, arms and back were still stiff and sore but the shower she’d taken had helped a little.

As for Josh, he hadn’t moved so much as a muscle since she’d settled him after stitching up his arm. He didn’t seem to have a fever and his pulse and breathing seemed to be regular. In fact, although he was quiet at the moment, he’d taken on an intermittent bit of a snore in the last hour or two, which she took as a good sign.

Carefully, she unwrapped the bandage around his arm and checked the dressing. She was encouraged by what she saw. It had a fair amount of blood on it, but considering how much he’d been bleeding earlier and the fact that she’d worked on his arm almost five hours ago, there really wasn’t much at all.

Putting a new dressing on the wound, she rebandaged it and was a little startled when she looked up to see that his eyes were open and he was staring at her with a puzzled, almost fearful look on his face.

“Josh?” she said with a little smile, happy to see that he was awake. 

He pulled away from her a bit. “Who the hell are you?” he asked, his voice still groggy and rough.

“Josh? Josh, it’s me, it’s Donna,” she said, getting worried once again.

Had he lost his memory? But he hadn’t hurt his head, unless maybe he’d banged it when he’d been in the bathroom earlier. Wait, wasn’t there a kind of amnesia that was caused by a traumatic psychological event rather than a physical one? Could today just have been too much for him?

He squinted at her, struggling to see her clearly. “Donna...?”

She felt a wave of relief when she saw a flash of recognition in his eyes. “Yes, Josh, it’s me,” she let out a breath. “How are you feeling?”

He was frowning at her. “What the hell...?” 

“What? What’s wrong?”

“What...what did you do?”

Donna had to swallow a huge lump her throat. What if she’d stitched up his arm wrong and the pain was unbearable? “I fixed your arm,” she told him. “Does it hurt?”

He frowned deeper. “Your...hair...what the hell...did you do?”

Feeling horribly self-conscious, she automatically touched the now dark and short hair with her hand. With all that was going on, she’d forgotten all about it. “I colored and cut it, but that’s not important now. How are you feeling?”

Josh closed his eyes again. “Why did you...why would you...do that?” he whispered as he drifted off again. “You don’t even look like...my Donna...”

Even after he’d gone quiet, Donna continued to stare at him.

She hadn’t cried, not once, since Josh had been shot that morning. Not in the airport parking garage when she’d seen his arm bleeding. Not when she’d learned that she’d killed someone, albeit unintentionally. Not when she’d been forced to sew up Josh’s wound, and not that afternoon when she’d hacked off her hair. Not even in the shower as she’d washed away the day and Josh’s blood from her skin and rinsed the color from her hair and the water would have hidden her tears.

Oh, she’d wanted to on any one of those occasions and a number of others, but she’d held it together for him. Not to mention the fact that there really hadn’t been the luxury of time to cry. Something always had to be done. 

Getting them away from the diner, ditching the car, switching cabs, settling them in the hotel, getting the supplies, sewing up Josh, cleaning up the mess, cleaning up herself, changing her hair, watching over him.

And she’d been the only one there to do it.

So in hindsight it would seem odd to Donna that the thing that would break her was Josh criticizing her hair. Of course, she knew that he hadn’t meant to be mean or cruel and was half out of his mind from the whiskey and the blood loss.

But break her it did. 

Maybe it was because her hair had made him not recognize her, and that after all they’d been through and all she’d done that day, she felt he should have recognized her even with a bag over her head.

Most likely, it was because even after he knew it was her, he didn’t approve. He’d said with her hair like that, she didn’t look like ‘his Donna.’

Stumbling away from the bed, she ran to the bathroom, closed the door, flipped on the faucet so he wouldn’t hear, sank down on the side of the tub and began sobbing.


	13. Chances

Chapter 13

The next morning found Donna right where she’d been since she’d finished her crying jag nearly 18 hours earlier: sitting on the bed beside a sleeping Josh. Since his earlier episode and one groggy, incoherent trip to the bathroom, he hadn’t done much more than stir a little restlessly a few times. 

Currently, she had the laptop balanced in her lap, the cell phone beside her on the bed and the gun sitting on the nightstand next to her. With the gun close at hand, she’d be ready for anything. She wasn’t taking any chances that Stone or his men would somehow manage to sneak up on them. She would protect Josh with her last breath.

The reminder alarm she’d set on the computer chimed and she saw it was 10 am. That meant Mike would be trying to call any minute. Picking up the cell phone, she switched the power on, set it to vibrate rather than ring, laid it down on the bed and went back to surfing the net. Every so often she would make an addition or a notation to one of a number of lists she’d started.

She was so glad Mike had said they could use the laptop as long as they didn’t sign onto any existing accounts or try to contact anyone they knew with it. Since they were plugged into the motels internet service, the ISP identifier for the laptop would be the motels. Unless someone knew they were staying at the hotel, no one could use the ISP to trace them. If she didn’t have the internet to draw on, she didn’t know what she would have done to get the information she needed.

As she expected, a few minutes later the phone began to vibrate, signaling an incoming call, so she set the laptop aside.

“Hello?” 

“It’s me,” Mike told her.

“Yeah, I figured,” she said flatly. Picking up the pad of paper she’d been writing on, she slid off the bed and walked to the window so she wouldn’t disturb Josh.

“How are things going?” Mike asked her.

“The same. He’s still out. I can’t decide if he’s sleeping off his injury or the whiskey I made him drink,” Donna told him quietly as she peeked out from between the curtains at the blue Chicago sky. “Oh, and I was thrilled to see a piece on the news last night and this morning about what happened yesterday. They even interviewed witnesses that helpfully provided descriptions of us both.”

Mike could hear the brittleness in her voice. “Yeah, the local news picked up the story. Don’t worry, the cops know what really happened so you don’t have to worry about them being on the lookout for you and they’ll stonewall the press and just say they’re still investigating what happened yesterday. Every ‘lead’ they pretend to chase will turn out to be a dead end.”

“I just hope some helpful vigilante doesn’t find us in the mean-time,” she said with a sad little half laugh as she toyed with her dark hair. She hoped the change would be enough to throw off anyone who might be looking for them. “Are there any new developments?” 

“No, we’re still waiting on the DNA tests to come back so we’ll know if we have any record of your blonde assailant and we’re still digging into the background of his partner,” he replied. 

“How about on the Congressional front?”

“Well, we now think that he was killed by a guard or someone posing as a guard. It’s hard to know for sure since the video from the area of the facility where he was being held is mysteriously missing,” Mike told her. “Of course, that in itself points to it being an inside job.”

“Yeah, I see what you mean,” she replied.

“Do you have the shipping information I asked you to put together?”

Donna looked down at the pad she was holding and read off the coded phrase she’d put together using the communication protocol Mike had included in their portfolio. It told him to send the package to the FedEx Kinko’s office at 15273 Monterey Street in Chicago. If all went as planned, she’d pick it up tomorrow.

“We’re using I.D. set number 3,” she told him. He would need that info to know what name to put on the package. “Oh, and there’s one more thing that I need you to put in,” she told him.

“Name it,” he said.

“Money…cash specifically. I need to do some shopping tomorrow and replace that item that I had to leave behind yesterday,” she said. “We’re going to need a new one if I’m supposed to keep us on the straight and narrow.”

Donna closed her eyes. God, she was tired of this talking in code thing. Why couldn’t she just say, ‘Hey, Mike, send me some cash so I can buy a damn car to get Josh and me the hell out of Chicago’?

“Okay, I’ll put a few bucks in for you,” he said. “Think of it like an early birthday present.”

‘I’d rather think of it as a way of you saying sorry that the last car you gave us turned into a big red bull’s eye,’ she thought to herself as she went back to looking out the window.

“Yeah, I’ll do that,” she said instead. “If there’s nothing else, I’d better get going.”

“Actually, there is something. Someone here wants to talk to you.”

Donna frowned. “Who?” she asked as she heard Mike pass the phone to someone. 

“Hi, there.”

“Mrs.. .” Donna caught herself. “Barbie?”

“That’s me,” Abbey said. “How are things going?”

Donna felt oddly relieved to hear Mrs. Bartlet’s voice. “But I thought you were out of town.”

“I was up until about an hour ago. I came back a day early,” Abbey explained. “Haven’t even had a chance to get unpacked. I didn’t think anyone knew I was coming in and yet I walked in to find our dark-suited friend waiting for me. I think he’s in cahoots with the head of my husband’s security team.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Donna murmured. 

“So...how is he?” Abbey asked.

Donna’s eyes burned with tears that threatened, but she forced them back. “He’s still asleep.”

“Yes, I was told that you two had quite the day yesterday.”

“It was definitely an experience I’d rather not repeat,” Donna told her.

“I can imagine. I hear you did a first-rate job of stitching him up.”

“I don’t know if I’d say first-rate, but it seems to be doing the job.”

“Has the bleeding stopped?” Abbey asked her.

“Yes,” Donna replied. “When I changed his dressing this morning, I didn’t see any fresh blood.” 

“Then I stand by my assessment of it being a first-rate job.”

“Thank you,” Donna said quietly as she turned and watched Josh for a long moment. “Now if he’ll just wake up...” 

“With the blood loss, I’m not surprised he’s not awake yet,” Abbey tried to assure her. “But he should be waking up in the next couple of hours. If he doesn’t, you better call me back and we can check his vital signs.”

“He doesn’t have a fever and I’ve been checking his pulse and his respiration every hour and they both seem normal,” Donna told her looking down at the pad again and flipping to another one of her lists. “His pulse has been holding at around 70 and his respiration has been about 30.”

There was a surprised pause on the other end of the phone. “How did know those were normal?” Abbey asked. “For that matter, how did you know how to take them in the first place?”

“It’s amazing what you can find on the Internet,” Donna said, laying the pad on the table and turning back toward the window.

Abbey smiled into the phone. “You know, if you ever want to go to medical school, let me know.”

“No thanks. I’ll leave that to the professionals.”

“So how are you?”

“We’re both still here and after yesterday, that’s saying something,” Donna replied.

Abbey paused a moment. “Be that as it may, you didn’t answer my question. How are YOU?”

Donna almost said, ‘I’m fine,’ but she knew Mrs. Bartlet would see right through it.

“Well, right now, I’m standing here by the window waiting for the bad guys or the Feds or the cops, or God knows who to show up and attack us, kill us or arrest us, but other than that...” Donna said as an angry tear slid down her cheek.

Abbey heard the tears and the fatigue in Donna’s voice. “I know. I wish we could do something beyond giving you moral support and medical advice.”

**********

Josh’s world began in an ocean of black, but slowly it began to recede into ever lightening shades of grey. 

He didn’t actually remember the physical act of opening his eyes and yet, after a moment, or maybe it was a series of moments...he couldn’t be sure, he realized he was staring up at a shadowy and somewhat dingy ceiling.

‘Where am I?’ he wondered.

On the heels of that thought came a twisted and unpleasant sensation.

‘I’m in...pain.’

Pain seemed to stampede through him in a rush. His head pounded, his stomach rolled, his arm was alive with a burning ache, and the rest of his body just seemed generally unhappy.

He would have moaned, but he was a little afraid his head would fly off if he did.

**********

“You know what’s weird about this whole thing?” Donna said abruptly.

“What?”

“The fact that I didn’t do anything wrong. I mean it’s not like I robbed a bank and my partner/boyfriend/lover got shot as we were escaping and we’re now holed up like some modern day Bonnie and Clyde.” She swiped at another tear. “I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“I can only imagine how hard it must be,” Abbey said with honest sympathy.

“And the topper is the fact that after everything, when my unconscious roommate did wake up for a moment yesterday afternoon, it was to tell me that I didn’t look like his...well, me.”

“Why would he say that?”

“Oh, I guess I didn’t tell you, I sort of changed my appearance,” Donna explained. 

Abbey knew better than to ask HOW she’d changed it. “Well, that explains it then. He’s got to be exhausted and probably delirious. Even if you hadn’t changed it, he still might not have recognized you.”

Donna toyed with the ends of her hair, “I know you’re right but...I guess I want him to know me no matter what.” She paused. “What I really want is to just wake up in my own apartment, in my own bed and realize that this has all been some horrible dream.”

**********

‘Donna. Where’s Donna?’ was his next thought. 

She would do something to make him feel better. Donna always knew what to do.

If not for the head flying off thing and the fact that his mouth and his head felt like they were stuffed with cotton, he would have called out to her.

As he continued to stare at the ceiling, he heard it. Someone was speaking softly. Not to him, but somewhere in the room. So softly he couldn’t make out who it was or what they were saying. For a moment, he wondered if there was a TV turned on somewhere with the volume turned low.

Summoning the tattered shreds of his energy reserves, he turned his head toward the direction of the voice. 

He didn’t see a TV, but he did see the blurry outline of someone standing in the shadows by what appeared to be a window. 

**********

“How’s your head?” Abbey asked her.

“I have a headache,” she replied simply. “I’ve had it since yesterday.”

Abbey frowned. “How bad?”

“Well, Advil’s keeping it manageable, but it never seems to go away completely.”

“Any dizziness or double vision or ringing in your ears?”

“No, just the headache,” Donna replied. “Oh, and the swelling.”

Abbey’s frown deepened. “The swelling?”

“Some of the swelling has come back in my face. By yesterday morning, it had just about all gone away, leaving just my eye catching bruises and black eyes. I wore make-up to try and cover them, but you wouldn’t believe the number of pitying looks I got from people yesterday. Taking the make-up off last night was no fun either.”

**********

‘Donna? Is that Donna?’ he wondered as he tried to focus his vision. The voice sounded female and he couldn’t hear it that well, but it sounded like it might be her. Maybe if he didn’t have that weird ringing in his ears he’d be able to tell for sure.

Then his eyes seemed to finally cooperate and the image began to clear. The figure had its back to him, but while it had the curves of a woman, a chill went through him when he realized it wasn’t Donna.

Donna didn’t have short, dark brown hair.

‘Where am I?’ he wondered silently again. ‘And where the hell is Donna?’

Could it be a hospital? Slowly, his eyes tried to take in the details of the room. He was in a big bed, bare-chested and covered to the waist with a blanket. There were lamps on each side of the bed, one of which was turned on and seemed to be the only light on in the room. He blinked when he saw a laptop sitting open and running on the foot of the bed.

Questions sluggishly trickled through his brain. This looked like a hotel room, but how had he gotten there? Who was the woman standing by the window? Why did he feel so crappy? Most of all, where the hell was Donna? 

He had no answers for his questions and he needed them desperately. 

Then he saw the gun on the nightstand.

**********

“Did your unconscious friend...okay, this is ridiculous: you both need names...he’s Fred and you’re Ethel,” Abbey announced. “Now, did Fred check your nose for the hematoma like I told him to?”

Donna wanted to smile at the image of them being an old crotchety married couple, but she couldn’t muster the energy. “Yes, he checked it before we left the hotel yesterday. He told me he didn’t see anything.”

“Well, that’s good anyway. How much swelling is there?” Abbey asked.

“Just a little more. I look a bit...puffy.”

“That worries me. The ice packs should be keeping the swelling under control.” Abbey heard a copious silence from Donna’s end. “You have been using ice packs, haven’t you?”

“Well, I was until...”

“Yesterday morning?” Abbey guessed. “Ethel...you need to keep using those ice packs.”

“I know, but I’ve been busy taking care...Fred,” Donna said.

“But you can’t take care of him if you’re not functioning at your best.”

**********

Seeing the gun brought Josh at least a little information. The diner. Stone. The car. The airport. That’s why he felt so bad. He’d been shot. 

But as for the rest, he had no answers. The only other thing he knew was that Donna wasn’t here and Donna would never have left him alone with a stranger when he was hurt.

Could this woman be one of Stone’s people? Is it possible that Stone or his associates had tracked them down, taken Donna somewhere and were holding him here... wherever ‘here’ was?

Well, he’d be damned if he’d just lay there like an invalid while Donna was somewhere being hurt by Stone or his people. He needed answers and he’d damn well get them.

He looked at the gun again. It was laying about four feet away on the night-stand on the far side of the bed. In his present condition, it might as well have been four miles, but he had to try.

The trick would be getting to the gun quietly enough that this woman didn’t hear him and before she turned and saw he was awake. 

**********

“I don’t suppose you’ve slept either?” Abbey asked Donna.

“No, not since before the thing at the diner.”

“No wonder your head hurts,” Abbey chided gently. “Between the emotional trauma of yesterday, the swelling in your face and the not sleeping, you’re lucky you don’t have a migraine by now. Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Donna sighed. She didn’t know why she was unburdening herself to the First Lady. “I’m scared to fall asleep,” she admitted quietly. 

Although she could certainly see why Donna would be scared, Abbey wanted to hear her say it. “Why?”

“Do you want the reasons alphabetically or in order of how much they scare the crap out of me?” Donna tried to joke. “I’m scared that he’ll need me but I’ll be asleep or that someone will come after us and we’ll be defenseless against them because I’m sleeping and...” her voice trailed off.

“Go on...” Abbey coaxed.

“I’m scared of what I’ll see if I close my eyes,” she said softly.

**********

His first attempt at moving had nearly caused him to cry out. He’d tried to push off with his injured right arm and the pain in it had gone from a burning ache to a blinding fire. Somehow he’d managed to grit his teeth and remain silent.

Regrouping and thinking how he needed to move, Josh glanced over to make sure the woman still had her back to him, then tried again. It helped the pain if he kept his injured right arm as relaxed as possible.

Even moving inches exhausted him and left him shaky. Because of it and to avoid making noise, he was forced to take little breaks along the way.

As he made progress at a snail’s pace, he split his attention between the gun and the woman by the window.

And prayed to anyone that was listening that she wouldn’t turn around and see him.

**********

“I’m sorry, Ethel, I wish I could do something for you there,” Abbey said gently. “Speaking as a doctor and as someone who has seen my share of bad things through my husband’s work, the only thing I can tell you is that you have to try not to let them control you. You have to take each day...and night as it comes. You’ll have good nights and you’ll have bad, but when you start letting them control you, the bad guys win.”

“I know,” Donna agreed. “I just...everything seems so upside down right now.”

“Well, after all you two have been through, I’m hoping that things will start going better for you now.”

**********

Josh opened his eyes and gently shook his aching head to try to clear it. He was pretty sure that he’d passed out for a minute but he was encouraged by the fact that the gun was now less than a foot from his outstretched left hand. 

After looking at the mystery woman one last time, his world shrank into a single point...a single objective...

Getting the gun.

With renewed determination, he willed his hand and his body to keep moving.

**********

Donna wiped away a last, lingering tear. “Yeah, me too, because I don’t think I’m cut out for this life on the run stuff.“

“Oh, I don’t know. You’ve done well so far and like you said, you’re both still with us,” Abbey told her. “You seem pretty tough to me.”

Donna remembered Josh telling her in the diner that she was formidable and she actually smiled a little. “Yeah, well, you know, I fake it pretty well.”

Abbey chuckled. “What is it that Leo’s so fond of saying? Oh, I remember...‘Fake it ‘til you make it.’”

“Sounds like something he would say,” she paused. “Um...could you do something for me? A favor of sorts that’s probably a huge imposition.”

“Of course, anything,” Abbey agreed.

“Could you see to it that someone gets word to...Fred’s mom and my parents and let them know that we’re okay? Everything’s happened so fast, there just hasn’t been time.”

“I’d be happy to,” Abbey promised. “I’ll take care of it personally.”

**********

Josh’s hand shook with effort as he stretched and strained to reach the gun. 

When his fingers brushed the dark metal butt of the gun, he could have cheered. Of course, his head would have exploded from the noise, but he was so relieved that he’d made it, he wasn’t sure he would have cared. 

All he had to do was move just a tiny bit closer and then he’d be able to grab enough of the gun to pull it toward him.

“Hey, you’re awake.”

Instantly, he knew that voice. It was Donna’s voice. 

Snapping his head around, he found her standing by the bed staring down at him with just the hint of a smile tugging at her mouth. Well, at least he thought it was her. It was her voice, but her hair was short and dark, and although it was her bruised face, something about it didn’t look quite right. Her beautifully familiar blue eyes went from his face to the hand that was still touching the butt of the gun.

An odd, unreadable expression crossed her face.

“Careful now,” she said softly, her fingers brushing his when she moved the gun away from him. “Let just put this someplace safe.” Opening the drawer of the nightstand, she slid the gun inside and sat down beside him on the bed.

“How are you feeling?”

Josh just blinked at her. “Donna?” he croaked out.

Donna had a feeling of deja vu from their exchange the night before. “Yeah, it’s me,” she said, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. The intensity of his scrutiny was a little unnerving.

He felt his body relax at the knowledge that it was really her. “What...why...” he fumbled. “...you look different.”

“I changed my hair,” she tried to explain.

“Didn’t even...recognize you.”

That odd, unreadable expression crossed her face again. “Can I get you anything?” She started to reach out like she was going to touch his face or his hair, but at the last moment she pulled her hand back. “How do you feel?”

“Thirsty,” he said. “And everything hurts.”

“Let me get you some water,” she said starting to get up.

Josh’s uninjured left hand snaked out with surprising speed to catch her arm. “No, wait, don’t go yet,” he begged. He needed to feel some kind of connection with her. Something to anchor him in the sea of disorientation he found himself in. “What happened? Where are we?”

Donna settled herself back on the bed and comfortingly laid her hand on his where it gripped her arm. “Do you remember the diner yesterday?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Stone, I got shot.”

“Do you remember the airport?”

His sluggish mind considered that. “A little, but...not much after.”

She nodded in understanding. “We left the airport in a cab, drove around a bit and wound up at this motel. We’re still in Chicago, a few blocks from Lake Michigan, near Wrigley Field.”

“How long?” he tried to ask, already feeling exhausted again.

“We’ve been here about a day,” she told him. “You’ve been out most of the time.”

“My arm?” he asked, looking down at the bandage on his bicep. 

On one level, he hated that he seemed to only be able to speak in partial sentences, but on another he felt inordinately comforted by the fact that no matter how short handed his sentences were, Donna understood what he meant.

“Your arm’s okay. The bleeding had stopped the last time I changed the bandage,” she said. “I think it will be fine given a little time, but you’re not supposed to use it for at least the next week. When you’re ready to start moving around, I’ve got a sling for you to use.”

Something inside him went warm and liquid as he stared at her. “You’ve been...taking care of me?” 

“Yeah,” she answered quietly.

Tiredly, he laid his head back against the pillow and let out a sigh. “Thanks,” he murmured.

“I’ll just get you that water and some Advil. I’m afraid that’s all I have to give you right now,” Donna said quietly.

Josh watched her silently as she slid out from under his arm and moved around the room. There was an air of tension coming from her that he didn’t understand. Unfortunately, right about then he was in too much pain and too exhausted to try and figure it out.

“Here you go,” she said bringing him two pills that she helped him sit up enough to wash down with a bottle of water.

He groaned a little as Donna eased him back against the pillows. “Josh...”

He turned his head and looked at her with eyes that were growing heavy again. “Hmmm?”

She noticeably swallowed before she spoke and the odd, unreadable look she’d given him earlier was back. “A minute ago, when I turned around...why were you reaching for the gun?”

"I’m sorry, Donna. From the back...and with your hair like that, I didn't know who you were.” He paused and took a tired breath. “Don't even know...what I was gonna do with the gun when I got it. I was scared...I thought maybe Stone’s people had gotten us when I was out...and I guess I wanted...them...you...to tell me where you were.”

She didn’t say anything but her expression, spoke volumes. For a moment, sadness and a look of almost...defeat touched her bruised face. Then it was gone and she’d pulled a neutral mask in place again.

“Please, Donna, you have to believe me...I had no idea who you were,” he repeated.

“I know, Josh, it’s okay,” she said patting his uninjured arm gently. “Well, if you think you’re going to be all right for a few minutes, I think I’ll run and get us something to eat. Mrs. Bartlet said that I should get you to eat something as soon as possible and there’s a little restaurant next door.” She gave him a small smile. “I thought I’d see if they have any chicken noodle soup. Unless you have any requests?”

He wanted her to stay, wanted to know what was behind the odd looks that kept flashing across her face, but he was so exhausted. Later...he’d make sense of it all later. Maybe then his head wouldn’t be pounding and everything would be clearer.

“Soup is good,” he told her quietly. “I’ll be okay. Just don’t...be gone too long.”

“I won’t,” she promised. “While I’m gone I want you to stay in bed and don’t open the door for anyone.”

His eyes seemed to fall closed of their own volition. “Okay,” he murmured. Before he slipped back into sleep, he felt the bed shift as she stood up and heard the sound of the door opening and closing behind her as she went outside.

His final thought before completely going under was, “She looks tired.”


	14. Chances

Chapter 14

The next time Josh surfaced, he felt better. It was only marginally better, but when you felt as bad as Josh had when he woke the first time, even a little improvement was welcome. While his arm still hurt like a bitch, his head no longer felt like it was ready to separate from his shoulders at a moment’s notice. 

The thing that had woken him was the sound of Donna letting herself back into the motel room.

“Hey,” he said softly.

With an expression of surprise, she looked over at him. “Hey.”

“I know I said...I wanted some soup, but I’m not that hungry,” he teased, referring to the two overstuffed Walgreen’s bags she was carrying. He frowned a little when she only stared back at him blankly. “I thought you were going to get some food,” he clarified.

She glanced down at the bags in her hand. “Oh, this is laundry,” she said, setting the bags down and walking over to him. “There’s a guest laundry room two doors down so I washed our dirty clothes.”

“What happened to the food?” he asked.

“It’s in the fridge,” she told him as she sat down next to him on the bed. “You were asleep when I came back from the restaurant.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Because Mrs. Bartlet said that sleep is the best thing for you right now,” Donna replied. 

Josh felt a little stab of annoyance with himself. “How long was I asleep this time?”

“About four hours,” she replied. 

“Four hours?” He ran his good hand through his hair in confusion. “It feels like you just left.”

“There’s a microwave in the kitchenette. If I heat up some soup, do you think you could try and eat some?” she asked.

“Yeah, actually I’m feeling a little hungry,” he replied.

She patted the shoulder on his uninjured side. “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

Feeling tired and helpless, Josh laid there and watched her move around the kitchenette heating up the soup and making him some tea. He still couldn’t get used to her with that short dark hair. 

Her movements were efficient, but without the usual bounce that he had come to associate with her, and there was slight slump to her shoulders. He frowned when he saw her pop two pills in her mouth and wash them down with a half a bottle of water.

“Here you go.” She handed him a cardboard cup of warm soup and setting a mug of tea on the nightstand beside him.

“Thanks,” he said gripping it carefully in his left hand.

“Do you need any help holding it?” she asked.

“No, I got it,” he replied lifting it to his mouth and taking a drink. “Mmm, not bad.”

She watched him for a moment. “How do you feel?”

“A little better, I guess. Still tired,” he said as he took another sip. He stared at her for a long moment and then realized what was off about her face. “Donna, are you okay?”

She blinked at him in surprise. “I’m fine. Why?”

“You’re face looks like it’s swelling again,” he told her.

Looking a little embarrassed, she touched her cheek. “Oh, yeah, I guess it is...a little.”

He felt worry rise in him. “But that can’t be good. Mrs. Bartlet said things would...heal faster if we kept the swelling down.”

“I know, I talked to her this morning,” she admitted.

“Is that who you were talking to when I woke up earlier?” he asked.

“Yes,” she replied, but didn’t elaborate.

He took another drink of his soup. “What did she say?” 

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it, Josh,” she told him as she rose from the bed before he could stop her. “Just concentrate on getting your strength back.”

Even though he was tired, he needed to know she was okay. “Donna...what did she say?”

With a sigh, Donna stopped by the table and turned to face him. “She said it was because I stopped using the ice packs on it.”

He frowned. “Why did you stop?”

For a moment she looked almost...angry, but when she spoke her voice was flat and mild. “I’ve been a little busy, Josh.”

He could hardly argue with that. She’d single handedly saved them from Stone and had taken care of him when he’d been all but incapacitated. “Sorry.” 

Donna looked a little remorseful. “No...you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I saw you take some pills before...”

“Just some Advil,” she replied.

“Why?”

“It’s nothing. Drink your soup.”

“Donna...” he pressed gently.

“I have a headache, okay?” she snapped. “I was taking some Advil because the last 24 hours have been hell and Mrs. Bartlet said that in addition to the concussion I had, the swelling is adding to the pressure in my head and it’s all giving me a headache.”

Well, that rendered him speechless and they both remained silent for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured.

“No, I’m sorry that...you had to do everything on your own. Donna, you know that if I’d had any choice...if I’d been physically able to help...”

“I know,” she replied as she began to take clean clothes out of the plastic bag and repack their duffle bags.

“Why don’t you sit down and rest a minute?” he suggested. “You look tired.”

For a moment she paused and he could have sworn she was angry and was going to snap at him again, but then she seemed to reign herself in. “I need to finish getting us packed up,” she said without looking up.

He knew misdirection when he saw it. “Donna...” he said gently.

“We should leave Chicago as soon as we can,” she continued. “If you think you’ll be up to it, I’d like to leave tomorrow.”

He wasn’t sure how, but he’d make himself up for it. “We can go tomorrow. I’ll be okay.”

“Good, because I think we’ve already been here too long.”

“Donna...” he tried again.

“We need to make a stop at the FedEx office to pick up a package Mike is sending us and then I need to get us a car,” she said quickly, as if she was trying to speak before he could.

“Donna...look at me,” he said quietly.

She apparently couldn’t resist his request because she stopped folding a pair of his jeans and turned to face him.

It suddenly occurred to him that she probably hadn’t slept much at all since the events at the diner. What’s more, he had a feeling that if he just tried to express a personal concern she’d brush it aside, so he decided to try a logical approach. 

“I’ll be ready to go tomorrow, but you’re going to have to drive,” he pointed out. “If we’re going to get very far, you need to get some rest.”

“I know...I’ve just got things to do,” she told him.

“Could at least one of those things be taking a nap?”

“But...” she protested weakly.

“Please? Just lie down and try to sleep a little?” he pleaded. “You can finish packing...when you get up. You could put an ice pack on your face too. Might help...your headache.” 

She seemed to struggle with that for a moment, then she closed her eyes and bowed her head in defeat. “All right. I’ll try and sleep for a little bit.” 

***********

The next morning, Josh woke shortly after dawn and once again, it took him a few moments to get his bearings. He still didn’t feel like he had a ton of energy, but the pain in his arm had gone down to a dull throbbing. Otherwise, he was feeling better.

Finally pulling his eyes away from the ceiling, he noticed the room was dimly lit. As seemed to be Donna’s habit, the lamp on the nightstand beside him was on and it was the only light in the room.

Donna…

‘Where was Donna?’ 

Then he realized there was a hand lying on his uninjured shoulder. It wasn’t thrown haphazardly across him, but was lying with purposeful care. From the delicate, long fingers and short, neatly trimmed nails, not to mention the familiar feeling of her touch he couldn’t quite explain, he recognized it immediately as Donna’s.

Looking up, he saw her sitting beside him, fully dressed and sound asleep. Even asleep she looked exhausted. As he laid there and watched her sleep in what had to be an uncomfortable position, a creeping sense of worry settled into his chest.

While he had gotten her to take a nap yesterday afternoon, he was pretty sure that it hadn’t been that long and when he’d woken up about midnight for a bathroom break, she’d still been awake and busy using the laptop to research cars and Chicago car lots. After she’d made sure he didn’t stumble or faint and crack his head open in the bathroom and then got him settled back into bed, she’d bustled around the room getting things ready for tomorrow.

At that point, he’d considered trying to get her to come to bed and get some more sleep, but had worried it would only aggravate her, so he’d let it go. Not to mention the fact that simply making a trip to the bathroom had exhausted him and he hadn’t had the energy to argue with her. 

And seeing her now, wearing the same clothes she’d had on yesterday, he guessed that at some point during the night, she must have sat down to check on him and fallen asleep. 

‘What’s happening to you, Donna?’ he wondered. ‘What am I missing?’ 

There was definitely something going on behind those now closed blue eyes of hers.

Something between them had changed and although he acknowledged the fact that his memory was a bit shaky after being shot, he couldn’t for the life of him figure out where or when the change had happened. Or for that matter, WHAT the exact change even was. It was a little like trying to read a book that was missing a crucial chapter right in the middle.

As if she sensed his frank appraisal, she began to stir. When she saw him watching her, she tried to move quickly to rise from the bed, but halted almost instantly and he saw her wince and give a little moan.

“Neck hurt?” he guessed.

Moving her head in a circle, she rubbed at her neck. “Yeah, it’s a little stiff. That will teach me to fall asleep sitting up.”

He managed to sit up and lean against the headboard. “You want me to rub it? I’m not sure how good a one-handed neck massage would be but...”

For a moment, it looked like she wanted to say yes. Then something seemed to close off in her eyes and she slid away from him. “No…thanks. I’m sure it will be fine. You need to conserve your energy. We’ve got a lot to do today. I’m going to go take a shower. I’m sure that will help my neck.”

Although, oddly, he was a little stung at something as small as her brushing off his offer to rub her sore neck, he didn’t want to push it. He was beginning to see that he would need to pick his battles with her.

“I’ll take a shower when you’re done. I’m getting a little ripe here.”

She stared at him with concern. “Well, I can cover up your arm so it doesn’t get wet, but are you sure you feel up to standing for that long? I don’t want you to waste all your energy on a shower,” she said. “I’d suggest a bath, but without one arm, I’m afraid you’d have a hard time getting in and out of the tub.”

“I can take a quick shower,” he told her. “It may not be the most thorough one I’ve ever had, but I’ll get the job done.”

She looked a little dubious. “Okay, but I’m going to stay in the bathroom with you, just in case.”

“Donna…I’m a big boy, I don’t need you to baby-sit me,” he said, feeling like she was treating him like an invalid. He regretted his comment almost immediately when for just a second she looked…hurt. Then the emotion was gone from her eyes again. 

Donna pursed her lips. “You did it for me when I was hurt and wanted to take a shower,” she pointed out.

Well, she certainly had him there. Of course, in that case she’d ASKED him to stay with her, but at the time he’d been relieved because he had been worried that she’d pass out in the shower or something anyway.

“Okay, but you have to...keep your eyes closed,” he teased.

To his delight, she snorted and actually gave him a bemused little smile. “Yeah, like I haven’t already seen all there is to see.”

“When did you see all there was to see?!” he squeaked in horror.

“When I stayed with you after Rosslyn, remember?”

“No! I don’t remember!”

“Come to think of it I don’t think you saw me,” Donna commented.

“Donna!” he said, mortified.

“I came in to check on you one morning and you weren’t in bed,” she explained. “I kind of panicked and then I heard you moving around in the bathroom. The door was standing open so I never thought I’d see anything I wasn’t supposed to.” 

She paused. “Actually, I only saw a reflection of everything there was to see in the mirror. And I didn’t say anything because I knew you would have been embarrassed.”

Josh closed his eyes and banged his head slightly against the headboard. “Oh, God, kill me now.”

“Look, Josh, it was no big deal,” she said in exasperation.

“No big deal?!” he squeaked again.

He didn’t know what bothered him more, that she’d seen his…manly parts or that she didn’t think those parts were a big deal. Couldn’t she at least smirk or something? All men wanted to think their parts were impressive, memorable even. Even though part of him was dying to ask her to be more specific about her opinion of the parts in question, there was no way he was going to open himself up to more potential humiliation. 

“Do you have a sore throat, Josh?” she asked with a frown. “You’re voice is all high and squeaky.”

“No, my throat is fine.” Using his good arm, he pulled the sheet up higher on his chest with as much remaining dignity as he could muster. “This is how I sound when I’m being emasculated.”

“Oh, Josh, don’t over-dramatize it,” she chided. “Now, if you promise to not put up a fuss about me being in the bathroom while you take a shower, I promise to keep my eyes closed.”

“You won’t even look in the mirror, right? I mean, not that it matters, since I’m apparently as memorable as a eunuch in the manhood department.”

Donna walked over to her repacked duffle bag. “Josh, have I mentioned how much I hate it when you put words in my mouth?” she said pulling out a clean set of clothes and her small toiletry bag. “I meant seeing you was no big deal, it’s the human body, you were basically going to the bathroom at the time and I was in caretaker mode, not look at Josh-the-sexy-stud-mode.” 

She walked to the bathroom with her things but stopped in the doorway and half-turned so she could look over her shoulder at him. “And for the record, no one seeing your…everything would EVER think there was anything remotely eunuch-like about you.”

With that she stepped into the bathroom and closed the door, leaving Josh first stunned and then grinning like a complete idiot. Between her words and the smirking she’d definitely done when she’d said the last part, his manhood was suddenly feeling quite restored. 

And for the first time in days, he felt a little burst of energy. In fact, he was feeling like he needed to catch up with the world. Taking the remote off the nightstand, he switched on the TV. As he was flipping through the channels to find CNN or MSNBC, he ran across the local morning news on WGN. Normally, he would have only stopped for a minute before going on to a station that would give him in-depth national news, but just before the news went to commercial break, a teaser using the words ‘shooting’ and ‘Ramada Inn’ got his attention. 

Josh sat up higher in the bed and waited impatiently for the commercials to finish. The story was the lead as soon as the news resumed and he watched in disbelief. When Donna emerged from the bathroom 10 minutes later, he gave her a pointed look.

“Why didn’t you tell me that we made the local news?” he asked.

Dressed in fresh clothes, she paused in the act of rubbing her hair with a towel. “I didn’t think it was important enough to bother you about.”

“Not important enough?” he replied. “According to the piece I just saw we sound like we’re public enemy number one. I think on the scale of things to know that ranks up there.”

“Josh, you of all people know that you can’t always believe what you see in the Press.”

“But…”

“The two times I saw the piece I didn’t like it either,” she admitted as she sat down in a chair near the foot of the bed. “Unfortunately, the FBI can’t exactly tell the press what’s really going on, and you know how the press loves a good mystery. The local police are going to stonewall them, but the story is going to be around for a while.” 

She let out a sigh. “On the other hand...I talked to Mike about it and he said that the authorities know what really happened and there are no city, county, state or Federal agencies looking for us. Stone, on the other hand, they’ve launched a full-scale manhunt for.” 

Josh stared at her for a minute. “I can’t believe he got away for a third time.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. I’m pretty sure I broke his leg when I hit him with the car.” Looking down at her hands in her lap, she laughed mirthlessly. “Too bad he and Sandoval weren’t standing in opposite places.” She looked up at him again. “You probably don’t remember me telling you this, but Mike found out that the other guy was a DEA agent and I killed him.”

“I saw it on the news,” he confirmed. “But, Donna…you didn’t mean to kill him. It was an accident,” he said gently. “You were just trying to help us escape.”

Looking back down at her lap, she toyed with a corner of the towel and continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “Banner day for me. I killed him and almost got you killed. I guess that makes me no better than Stone.”

He was stunned by what she’d just said. Could she really think that?

Forcing his sluggish body into a sitting position, Josh swung his legs over the side of the bed. The room spun a little, but he still managed to scoot down to the foot of the bed until he was facing her. 

“Donna…” he said, laying a hand on her knee. “You saved me. You know as well as I do that Stone would have killed me if you hadn’t come back.” 

She still hadn’t looked at him and he wondered if he was getting through to her.

“You’re nothing like him. You’d never kill indiscriminately or set out to kill innocent people just to further some personal agenda,” he said gently, before pausing as the room tilted a little. “And I know without a doubt you’d never hurt me.”

That did make her look up at him, but to his surprise, what he saw in her dry, tearless eyes was not understanding or acceptance, but a sadness so deep it almost physically hurt him to see it. Then it was gone and her expression was placid again. If he hadn’t been watching her so intently he probably would have missed it.

“Okay, well, anyway, if you want a shower, we better get moving,” she said quickly rising from the chair. 

“Donna...come on,” he tried, reaching out to grab her arm.

But she moved a lot quicker than he did and stepped out of his reach. “No, really, the FedEx office opens in an hour and they should have the package ready for us so I’d like to get there as soon as possible.”

As he watched her walk back to the bathroom to get things ready for his shower, he realized that she’d just slammed the door on the conversation. He didn’t have much choice but to let it go...for now. 

But in the coming days, they were going to have lots of time in the car together and they WOULD be opening it again.

**********

Josh had nearly gone crashing head first into the sink when he stepped out of the shower, but he ended up surviving the experience without adding any new injuries and without Donna seeing anything she shouldn’t have. After she changed his bandage and put his arm in the sling she’d bought for him, each of them donned a baseball cap and sunglasses and piled into a cab.

Their first stop was the FedEx office and as Donna had predicted, the package was waiting for them.

With the unopened package in hand, Donna gave the cab driver a new address, but didn’t tell Josh where they were going and although he assumed it had something to do with a car, he didn’t ask. 

However, the address she’d sent the driver to didn’t end up being where they actually stopped. It was a car lot, but Donna had the driver circle the block twice and then move on to a second address. She seemed to be looking for something specific. The second address didn’t seem to be to her liking either.

They finally stopped at the third address she gave the driver and it turned out to be both what Josh had expected and what he hadn’t. They didn’t stop at a car lot, but at a Starbuck’s across the street from one. 

“Why are we here?” he asked her after she’d paid the driver and they were standing alone on the wide sidewalk patio in front of the coffee house. Since it was almost mid-morning on a weekday, the place was almost deserted.

Donna picked up their bags, and moved them over by a wide concrete planter that bordered one side of the patio. Without the use of his arm, Josh couldn’t help carry anything more than his own backpack, which he held in his uninjured hand as he watched her pull a table over a little closer to the planter to block any easy view of the bags.

“We’re here because I needed someplace to stash you and the bags while I get us a car,” she explained. “Also because I’m dying for a decent cup of coffee.”

“But...” he began. “I thought...don’t you want me to come with you?”

“Of course, I do, Josh, but I’m worried that you’re not strong enough to stand for that long,” she explained. “I can tell it’s making you dizzy. Besides, I can’t use my helpless female routine on the car salesman if you’re there.” She pointed to the table. “But you’ll be able to see me the whole time. You’ve got a ringside seat.”

Even though he hated to admit it, he knew she was right. He was already feeling tired again and he’d only get in her way. “Do I at least get some coffee?” he asked. “I’ve only had tea for the last three days. I’m having withdrawals here.”

She gave him a little smile. “I had a feeling. Sit down. I’ll be right back.”

Donna went inside and came back a few minutes later with coffee for both of them. Josh frowned when he saw the notes written on the side of his cup. “Decaf?” he whined. “Donna, why can’t I have the real stuff?”

“Because you’re still recovering and need your rest,” she pointed out.

From the markings on her cup, he noticed that her coffee was a triple shot espresso. With that much caffeine, he’d never get her to sleep. “What about you? I’ll have to scrape you off the ceiling after you drink that.”

“Well, as you pointed out, I’ll be doing a lot of driving and I need to be awake,” she said with a shrug. “Oh, I brought you a little present to soften the blow of having to drink decaf.” She pulled out a copy of the Chicago Tribune and laid it on the table in front of him.

Okay, so it was pretty cool that she knew he would want some updated news of the world. “Thanks,” he said gratefully.

“You’re welcome,” Donna said as she took a sip of her coffee and sat down at the table with him. “Now, let’s see what Mike sent us.”

She laid the small box on the table and started to pull it open.

Josh watched her for a moment as she peeled back the tape. She still looked tired, but the renewed swelling had gone down a little and she’d put make-up on before they’d left that morning so most of the bruises were hidden.

“How’s your headache?” he asked her. 

She paused in the act of reaching into the box. “Josh, don’t start.”

“What?” he said, taken aback. “I just asked how your headache was.”

“I don’t want to fight,” she told him.

“How is me being concerned with how you’re feeling looking for a fight?”

Donna sighed. “My headache is fine, Josh.”

He wasn’t sure if he believed her or not, but he knew if he pressed her any further, it WOULD start a fight. “Now was that so hard?”

She gave an annoyed little eye roll and dug into the small box. Since there wasn’t anyone in their immediate vicinity and they were partially blocked from the street by the flowers in the planter, she laid the contents out on the table. As she did, Josh looked each item over. 

There were four new sets of fake IDs and corresponding credit cards. There was a note from Mrs. Bartlet and included with it were two prescriptions bottles that contained a different antibiotic for each of them. There were also two additional prescription bottles. One contained some mild painkillers for him and the other contained a small amount of sleeping pills for Donna. Josh was dying to ask Donna about them, as she must have discussed her not sleeping with Mrs. Bartlet, but he was sure Donna would see it as some kind of attack or a desire on his part to provoke her so he held his tongue.

“Ah, and here’s the last and most important thing,” Donna said pulling out a small but fat manila envelope.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Money,” she replied as she opened the flap and peered inside. “I had Mike send us some cash to get a car with.”

“Didn’t we have enough already?” Josh asked.

“By my account, we have right about $5,300 in cash and that includes what’s left of the $1,000 you gave me before I left D.C.,” she told him as she pulled out a small note tucked inside the envelope. “That’s enough to get us a car and get us out of town, but I’m looking farther ahead than that. There’s no telling how long...” her voice trailed off.

“How long what?” Josh prompted. 

She looked up at him and blinked. “What?”

“You stopped talking,” he clarified. “There’s no telling how long...what?”

“Um, how long we’ll be out here,” she replied looking back down at the note. Her face went slack with surprise as she read it again.

Josh frowned. “What does it say?”

She looked up at him. “What?” she said again.

“What does the note say?”

“I can’t believe it,” she told him with a little smile. She leaned forward and dropped her voice. “Mike sent us $20,000.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Here, read it for yourself,” she said, handing him the note.

Hi Guys,

$20,000 was all we could scrape together on short notice.  
I hope it’s enough to help.

Mike

“That’s great,” Josh said.

Donna looked at the cash in the envelope but didn’t take it out. “I had no idea the FBI would let Mike give us so much money, especially all at once.”

“Yeah, me either,” Josh lied. 

Josh was pretty sure Mike got the money from Toby, who would have gotten it from Josh’s own bank account by using the power of attorney Josh signed before he left. He’d told Mike and Toby to do it that way if the need for money became more than Mike could hide through his regular bureau channels.

“Don’t you think that someone might get suspicious that he’s moving around that much of the Bureau’s money?” she asked with a worried little frown.

“Maybe he has some kind of slush fund he can use that no one knows about,” Josh lied or half-lied again. 

“Yeah, I suppose,” she said. “Okay, well, I need to go get us a car. Let me have your backpack.”

“Why?” he asked, sliding it across the table to her.

“I don’t want to carry that much money in my purse,” she explained. Opening the top flap of his bag, she tucked the envelope and the rest of the package contents inside.

“But don’t you want to take the money with you to get the car?” he asked.

“No, I’m not going to use it now,” she replied. “I’m only planning on spending $2,000 -$3,000 on a car right now.”

He frowned. “Why?

“Like I said, Josh, I’m looking ahead,” she replied as she looped the strap of his backpack around the leg of his chair and set it between his feet so it would be within easy reach but still secure in case he fell asleep. “After everything that’s happened, I think it would be a good idea if we did what we could to make it hard to track us. I figured that we’d switch cars one more time, so we only need this car to get us to Oklahoma or Texas. We’ll get something better then. Plus we’ll still have plenty of money to live on.”

There was a great deal of logic to what she was saying. “Okay, I see your point.” 

“Good, now that we’ve got that settled, I’m off to get us a car.” She pulled off her baseball cap, shoved it in her purse, and fluffed her dark hair. “Stay here, watch our things and stay out of trouble,” she said, patting him on his uninjured shoulder.

With that she walked away and Josh was a little surprised when she didn’t walk directly across the street to the used car lot, but walked down a block to the next corner and crossed at the light. He supposed she did it so no one at the car lot would know where she’d come from.

From his concealed place behind the planter, he watched, she walked onto the car lot and was accosted by no less than three different salesmen. She turned a luminous smile on one of them and focused her attention on him.

Immediately, Josh could see that she had the guy wrapped around her little finger. Rather than him escorting her around the lot, from what Josh could see SHE was the one doing the escorting.

However, there were two things he hated right off the bat. 

The first was the fact that she was smiling that smile she used to turn on him when she was trying to get him to do something. He didn’t want her smiling that way at other men.

The second was the fact that the salesman kept touching her. On the hand...on the arm...on her back. If he touched her one more time, Josh was going to force his body out of the chair and go over there and break every one of the gomer’s fingers.

Although Josh couldn’t see from this distance what kind it was, Donna apparently found a car she was ready to test drive and the salesman ran, literally ran like a lovesick puppy inside to get the keys. 

A few minutes later, Donna and the smarmy, touchy-feely salesman, drove out of the lot in a 1980’s model, metallic blue, Honda Prelude. Despite the fact that it irritated him to no end, his eyes began to get heavy and it was all he could do to stay awake for the ten minutes it took for them to test drive the car. When they returned, Donna parked the car in front of the office and Josh watched the two of them go inside.

The next thing he knew, he was snapping awake with a start. His eyes instantly went back to the car lot and saw the car was still parked outside the office. A check of his watch told him that almost 20 minutes had passed. 

Josh cursed himself. How could he have been so careless as to fall asleep? What if something had happened and Donna had needed him? Had he let her down again?

About the time he considered getting out of his chair and going over to check on Donna, she came walking out of the office with the salesman still in tow. Standing by the car, the two of them chatted for a moment and he handed her what looked like a business card and a pen. She jotted down something on the card and handed it back to him.

‘Did she just give him her phone number!?’ Josh wondered in disbelief.

Smiling, the salesman opened the door for her and she climbed into the driver’s seat and started the car. With a jaunty little wave to the salesman, Donna drove off the lot. 

Rather than driving the car right across the street to where Josh was, she drove down the street and disappeared around a corner. About the time Josh was getting a little worried about where she’d gone, she came walking up the sidewalk toward him. She’d removed her sweatshirt and put her baseball cap back on, he assumed so that if lover boy looked across the street he wouldn’t recognize her.

“Hey,” she said. “Do you think you can walk around the corner to where I parked the car?”

“Did you just give that slobbering idiot your phone number?” he asked.

He watched her stare at him from behind her sunglasses. “What?” she said with a frown.

“The salesman...did you give him your phone number?” 

He read first surprise and then a touch of anger in her face. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said.

“You did, didn’t you?” He couldn’t seem to stop himself from pursuing the issue.

“Josh, we don’t have time for this.”

“Donna...” he began.

“God, Josh, I can’t believe you’re going to make this a thing.” She crossed her arms defensively. “Not that I owe you an explanation, but yes, I gave him a phone number and NO I did not give him MY phone number. It was all part of my helpless female routine. I was very convincing. How else would I have gotten him to knock a $1,000 off the price? He thinks it’s my phone number, but as I recall I gave him the phone number for one of the cab companies we used when we left the airport.” 

Okay, well now he felt stupid. “I’m...” 

“It’s good to know you think so little of me, Josh, that you’d think for one minute that I would really make a date when we’re running for our lives,” she said in a voice that was low and angry. 

Now he realized that he’d not only been stupid, but he’d hurt her. “I’m sorry, I just...I’m really sorry.”

“I mean do you think I look at myself, at what I just did, at who I’ve become and feel proud?” 

Even though she was wearing sunglasses, he could all but hear the tears in her voice and right about then he was ready to cut his own tongue out. “Donna...”

“Yeah, okay,” she said as she quickly started picking up their bags. “If you think you can make it, I parked the car just around the corner. Otherwise, stay here and I’ll come around and pick you up.” 

Without waiting for a response and loaded down with all their bags, she started walking to the car.

Once again, she’d shut him out as completely as if she’d brought a steel door down between them. Only this time, he knew he had no one to blame but himself. He’d been the one who’d pushed her to it, because he’d been jealous and thoughtless.

“Yeah, I can make it,” he said quietly as he hauled his tired body up and shuffled after her.


	15. Chances

Chapter 15

Josh stirred slowly as he heard the sounds in the car change. Or more accurately, the tone of the flapping that the loose piece of the roof’s fabric interior made in the breeze from the open sunroof had changed. While mechanically the old Honda Prelude ran fine, cosmetically, the aging interior left a lot to be desired. 

Opening his eyes, he saw that they were indeed slowing down and getting off the freeway.

“Where are we?” he asked sleepily as he sat up a little straighter.

“Sullivan, Missouri. About 70 miles south of St. Louis,” Donna replied. “I saw a sign a little ways back for a Super 8 motel at this exit.” 

Josh watched her for a moment. After they’d gotten in the car, her voice had fallen back into a calm, neutral tone and stayed there.

Of course, that was only on the rare occasions she actually spoke to him. Although she wasn’t giving him the silent treatment exactly, it was clear that she also wasn’t going out of her way to talk to him. For the most part, she only spoke to him when he asked her a direct question.

It hadn’t helped matters any that he’d fallen asleep about 10 minutes after they’d gotten into the car and except for two stops for gas and food, he’d slept during most of the rest of the drive. 

Even though it was still light outside, the sun was low in the sky and looking at his watch, he saw that they’d left Chicago behind about 6 hours ago. He didn’t even remember crossing from Illinois into Missouri. 

Donna turned the car into the Super 8, parked in front of the office and turned off the engine. Without a word to Josh, she grabbed her purse out of the back seat and left him in the car while she went in to get them a room.

Letting out a sigh, he ran his left hand through his hair and watched her through the office’s glass door.

He’d really screwed up with her. He’d been a jerk about the car salesman. Contrary to what she’d said, it wasn’t that he thought so little of her, it was that sometimes he couldn’t seem to control his mouth...or his jealousy. And yet, what right did he have to be jealous?

Yes, he did have...what could only be called inappropriate thoughts about her on occasion. Okay, if he was honest with himself, almost every day. But she was his friend - probably his best friend - and one of the few people he completely trusted. With Donna it came down to the simple fact that she was one of the most important things in his life.

Maybe that’s why her comments about wanting more had provoked such a strong reaction in him.

He snapped out of his reverie when Donna opened the driver’s door and climbed back into the car.

“Did you get us a room?” he asked as she started the car.

“Yes, it wasn’t hard, they’re not very full,” she said as she drove around to the side of the main building and parked the car. 

When she started to get out of the car, he laid his hand on her arm to stop her. “Donna?”

“Yes?” she replied, looking down at his hand on her arm rather than his face. 

He noticed she’d been doing that a lot too. Not actually looking at him or meeting his eyes unless it was an absolute necessity.

“I really am sorry about this morning. I was...out of line.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” she replied. 

“No, it’s not fine. I was a jerk.”

“You were tired,” she said, still not looking at him. “I’m sorry that I had to drag you all over the place.”

“No, Donna, no...that’s not...I wasn’t that tired.” He lifted his hand from her arm to run it over his face in frustration. “I was just...wrong.”

Staring at some imaginary spot on the dashboard, Donna was quiet for a moment. “I’m not sure what you want me to say, Josh.”

His frustration grew as she continued to avoid looking at him. “Donna, look at me,” he said. It took her a few seconds, but she finally did, and he saw the same neutral look in her eyes that he’d heard in her tone. “I’m trying to apologize...”

She gave him a small and somewhat unconvincing smile. “And I’m trying to tell you that there’s nothing for you to apologize for.” 

“Then why are you mad at me?” he asked

“Who said I was mad at you?”

“You’ve barely spoken to me since the thing at the car lot,” he pointed out.

“I didn’t have anything to say,” she replied. “Besides, you’ve pretty much been asleep since the thing at the car lot.”

Okay, he couldn’t really argue with her there.

“Come on, let’s go inside,” she said. Again, without waiting for his response, she climbed out of the car and left Josh sitting there alone.

Josh let out a sigh. “Well, that was productive,” he muttered.

Opening the door, he slowly unfolded his stiff body. Walking to the back of the car, he found her pulling their bags out of the trunk. Automatically, he reached in and pulled out his backpack, then followed her into the building. 

“Do you want anything for dinner?” she asked him as she opened the door to their room and they went inside.

“No, I’m good,” he said. They’d had a late lunch and he really wasn’t remotely hungry. In fact, as amazing as it sounded after all the sleeping he’d done in the car, he felt tired again. 

She started taking some things out of her bag. “Okay, then, I’m going to take a shower and wash off the car ride. When I get done I’ll change your dressing and give you your meds.”

“Yeah, okay,” he said, knowing it was useless to argue.

Donna disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Josh let out a sigh and sat down heavily on one of the two double beds. 

It was like she’d become his nurse instead of his friend. The easy camaraderie they’d shared before the thing at the diner had evaporated and had been replaced with a combination of carefully dispensed concern for his health and a cool, almost stranger-like politeness. 

As he glanced around the motel room, Josh’s eyes fell on his backpack. Maybe Mike could provide some insights into what was going on with Donna. Pulling one of their phones out of his backpack, he sent Mike a non-emergency text message. Then he turned on the TV and hoped he could manage to stay awake long enough for Mike to call back.

He was a little surprised when the phone rang only a few minutes later.

“Hi,” Josh said as he answered the phone. 

There was a little pause on the other end. “Hey, I figured it was your partner calling. Is she there with you?”

As if on cue, Josh heard the shower come on in the bathroom. “Yeah, she’s in the bathroom. We’ve stopped for the night.”

“How are you feeling?” Mike asked him.

“My arm’s really sore.”

“No surprise there,” Mike said. “In fact, I didn’t expect you to be up and around yet.”

“Well, in this case, being up and around is kind of relative. I can walk around, but just a trip to the bathroom or riding in the car wears me out.” 

“I’m surprised that she even lets you out of bed,” Mike said with a chuckle.

Josh couldn’t muster the energy or the humor to think up a good comeback. “Yeah, well, she wanted to get moving this morning, so I had to get my ass out of bed. Thanks for the package by the way.” 

“Glad to help.” Mike paused. “You know, you have her to thank for being able to get out of bed at all.”

Josh let out a breath. “I know. Actually that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Can you tell me a little about what happened after the diner?”

“Why don’t you just ask her?”

Josh paused for a moment. “Things have gotten a little weird between us. She’s not exactly talkative right now and I’m trying to figure out why, but my memory isn’t the greatest. I was a jerk this morning, but I don’t think it’s just that. I know you weren’t there, but you talked to her and anything you can tell me might be helpful.”

“Okay, well, as far as I know there was the attack at the diner and she used the car to run down your attackers, killing one of them. She’s probably upset about that,” Mike said. “You got shot in the process. Of course, she’d be upset about that too. Then she drove you to the airport where she left the car, and somehow she got you to some kind of hotel or motel. Next I talked her through stitching up your arm and...”

“Wait, wait...what do you mean you talked her through stitching up my arm?”

“Just what I said.”

“SHE stitched up my arm?” he asked incredulously.

“Who did think you stitched you up?” Mike replied. “It wasn’t like you could go to a hospital.”

“I didn’t even realize my arm WAS stitched up.”

“Um...didn’t the stitches give it away?” 

“What, are you kidding? I haven’t looked at it,” Josh told him. “I turn my head away whenever she changes the dressing. I just figured it had just scabbed over enough to stop bleeding.”

“From what she told me, it was way too deep for that. If she hadn’t put those 18 stitches in your arm, you probably would have lost a lot more blood than you did. Don’t you remember any of that?”

“No, I don’t remember and she didn’t tell me,” Josh replied. 

“You know, I don’t want to be overly dramatic, but she probably saved your life...twice. First at the diner, and then when she took care of you afterward.” Mike paused for a moment. “And she never lost her head. You would have been proud of her.”

“I already am,” Josh said quietly. 

“I mean it,” Mike continued. “She reacted as well as any of my seasoned agents.” 

“She’s pretty amazing, isn’t she?” Josh murmured.

Mike hadn’t heard Josh’s last comment. “Anyway, she stitched you up and then we hung up and I didn’t talk to her until the next morning when you were still sleeping. She sounded tired, but fine.”

“Yeah, she’s not sleeping very well.”

“She’s been through a lot,” Mike said. “Part of her is probably still in flight mode and will be until you can settle somewhere.”

“I know,” Josh replied. “I’m worried about her.”

“Give her some time,” Mike suggested.

“I will.” Just then Josh heard the shower turn off. “Hey, I’ve gotta go. I just wanted to check in.”

“I appreciate that. Glad you’re feeling better. Tell your partner I said ‘hi.’”

“I’ll do that. Bye.”

Josh switched off the phone and stared at it for a long moment.

Donna had stitched him up? He couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard that must have been for her. He was beginning to see just how much she’d had to deal with...on her own.

Feelings of both gratitude and guilt flooded through him. He owed her so much, more than he could ever repay, and he’d let her down. First he’d run out on her at the diner when she was trying to be honest with him and then he’d gone and gotten himself shot and left her to deal with things by herself.

Their talk about her wanting more came back to him. She did deserve more. She was smart and funny and amazing and she deserved everything good that life had to offer. 

Even if that meant she wanted to find it with someone other than him.

At the very least he owed her that.

**********

The next day found them crossing into Oklahoma, just before lunch. Staying on I-44 they picked up the Will Rogers Turnpike. The turnpike was a toll road and had limited on ramps and exits, so Donna hoped they’d make good time to that day’s ultimate destination of Oklahoma City. She figured it would be as good a place as any to get another car. 

She’d been keeping a close eye on the review mirror and on the road in general but she hadn’t seen anyone following them. It still didn’t make her feel any less paranoid.

Josh, on the other hand, was feeling better and while he still got tired easily, had stopped falling asleep at the drop of a hat. He’d tried to engage Donna in conversation a few times, but had met with little success as she gave only the most basic of answers and didn’t even attempt to smile when he teased her or tried to make a joke.

He was still mulling over the best way to approach her about what was going on, but he wanted to wait a couple more days so he was stronger physically before opening that particular can of worms.

In the meantime, his eyes landed on the car’s ancient radio and he decided maybe some music or news would be the thing to break the often deafening silence between them.

Reaching over with his left hand, he moved to turn it on. “Hey, does the radio work?”

She lightly batted his hand away. “Yes, leave it off.”

“But how do you know it works? We haven’t even turned it on,” Josh pointed out.

“The salesman turned it on during the test drive,” she replied. “It works fine.

‘Mr. Touchy-Feely probably wanted some mood music,’ Josh thought with a sulky silence. 

“Good, because I want to see if I could get some news or maybe NPR on it,” he said out loud as he reached for the radio again, only to have his hand batted away once more.

“Leave it off,” Donna repeated. “You’re not going to find NPR out here in the wilds of Oklahoma anyway.”

He realized then that she was talking to him more than she had in days. ‘How did that happen?’ he wondered. ‘Maybe if I keep her talking, things can start getting back to normal between us.’

“They have NPR in Oklahoma, Donna,” he said.

“I’m sure they do, I just meant they probably don’t have it out here in this rural area.”

He moved his hand toward the radio again. “Well, I’d like to make sure.”

This time she swatted his hand away with a little more force. “Leave it...OFF,” she said. “I don’t want to listen to NPR.”

He was confused by the heat in her words and didn’t think it was coming from the fact that he wanted to listen to the radio and she didn’t.

“I thought you liked NPR,” he said.

“Not right now, I don’t.”

“Okay, fine, some music then.”

She bit out each word of her answer. “I…don’t…want…the radio…on.”

“But Donna...” He reached over again and this time she slapped his hand away...hard. “OW! That hurt!” he yelled more in surprise than actual pain. “What’s the problem?”

“I said I don’t want it on!”

“Why the hell not?! I mean with my arm like this, I can hardly work up the energy to do more than feed myself and watch TV,” he said. “And since you won’t talk me, all I’ve got left for entertainment when we’re in the car is listening to the radio.”

“I’m sorry if my driving is preventing me from entertaining you,” she snapped back.

“I don’t want you to entertain me, I just want to listen to the damn radio!”

“NO!” she yelled as Josh started to reach for the radio knob again. “I swear, Josh, if you touch that radio, you’re going to have both arms in a sling!”

This was going in a totally different direction than he’d expected and he was more confused than ever. “What the hell, Donna?!”

“Leave it off!!”

They were both yelling at the top of their lungs by now. “It’s just the radio! What’s the problem?!” 

“Just forget it!”

“No, I won’t forget it! What’s wrong with wanting to listen to the radio?!”

“Nothing!”

He stared at her and felt his own annoyance and anger evaporate. Something was clearly going on.

He softened his tone. “Donna…”

“Just leave it alone!” she warned.

“Talk to me, Donna,” he coaxed her softly. “What’s going on?”

“I...it’s nothing,” she muttered.

“Donna.”

His quiet plea apparently got to her. “I...I need...I need it to be quiet. I need to hear,” she finally blurted.

Josh frowned slightly. “You need to hear what?” he asked.

“I need…I just need to hear,” she said again.

“Need to hear what?” he persisted. There was a long pause and Josh could see her struggling to answer. “Donna...”

“I need to hear if they’re coming for us, okay! Happy now?!” Angrily, she wiped away a single tear that had started down her cheek. “And if you’re listening to the radio I might miss something.”

Josh blinked at her. She wanted to hear Stone coming? Was she still that paranoid?

Was she still that scared?

Trying to think of something to say, he was quiet for a moment and listened to the wind whistling through the car. In addition to her having the sunroof open, the seals in the car had long ago deteriorated so it wasn’t the most well sealed vehicle anymore.

“I hate to tell you this, but with all the wind and the whistling this car makes, we could have had a herd of elephants bearing down on us and we’d still never hear them,” he said. 

Glaring out the windshield, she remained silent. 

“Donna, turning the radio on isn’t going to keep us from getting away,” he added gently.

“You don’t know that!” she exclaimed. “In any case, I need to focus and I can’t do that with the radio on!”

Josh began to see that it went beyond her just being mad at him. While he didn’t quite understand what was going on, he wanted to touch her...wanted to comfort her in some way, but with her shutting him down at every turn, he was a little worried that she wouldn’t appreciate it and he could make things worse.

“Okay, I didn’t realize,” he said.

She glanced at him with an angry frown. “What’s that supposed to mean? You didn’t realize what?”

He knew he’d better pick his words carefully. “I just...I didn’t realize that’s why you didn’t want the radio on,” Josh replied. “It’s no problem, we can leave it off.”

Donna glanced at him again as if she was trying to decide if he was telling the truth. “Okay,” she said slowly and not without a little relief. “Thanks.”

The car was quiet for a long moment and her face slowly took on a look of remorse, as if she’d realized how she’d just sounded. She glanced over at him again. “Sorry, for...you know.”

“It’s okay,” he told her.

Turning his head, Josh looked out the window, but didn’t see much of the Oklahoma landscape that rushed by. He could have pushed her on it, but he had the distinct impression that pushing her further wasn’t going to get him anywhere. 

There was clearly more going on than her being upset about him ducking out on their discussion at the diner or him getting shot or even him being a jerk about the car salesman. 

Now that he was feeling better and thinking more clearly, he saw that her behavior was becoming increasingly erratic and the stress of being on the run was not helping. The fact that she didn’t seem to be eating or sleeping was only making it worse.

When she crashed, and he knew for certain that time was coming, she was going to crash hard.

He just hoped that when that time came he knew what to do. 

**********

Josh awoke the next morning to the sound of a light rain falling outside their Oklahoma City motel room.

Sitting up in bed, he looked over at the room’s other double bed...and found it empty. In fact, it looked like it hadn’t even been slept in.

Feeling a rush of panic, he started to get out of bed to look for Donna and nearly tripped over her.

She was sitting on the floor with her back against the wall, fully dressed and sound asleep.

In one hand was a melted ice pack, presumably for her face, and beside her on the floor, just under the tips of her fingers, was the gun.

He noticed then that she was also sitting right below the window. Effectively putting herself between him and it. If Stone or any of his friends had tried to come through the window again, they would have had to go through her.

‘Wow, okay,’ he thought. Needing a moment to absorb that, he slowly ran his left hand through his hair and then rubbed at his eyes.

What was he supposed to do with that? She was exhausted and terrified and apparently pissed as hell at him and yet she was still putting herself between him and potential danger.

How she was even still functioning was a testament to her strength of will. Since he’d woken up a few days ago, he’d only seen her sleep in snatches and in positions, usually sitting up, that couldn’t possibly be considered restful. 

After his own experience with the gun, he didn’t even think about trying to move it away from her. He worried that if he tried to, it would just startle her. In fact, he decided the best idea was just to stay where he was.

“Donna,” he said gently from where he sat on the bed. “Donna, wake-up.”

He expected her to wake up slowly, groggily. Instead, she literally snapped awake with a start, startling both of them. He hadn’t failed to notice the way her hand had almost automatically wrapped around the butt of the gun.

“What?! What’s wrong?” she said in a slightly strangled voice as her eyes darted around the room looking for any danger.

“Nothing, it’s okay. We’re okay, Donna,” he replied, trying to calm her. “I just thought maybe you’d like to actually sleep in a bed for a change, rather than sitting on the floor.”

Relaxing, she let go of the gun and sagged back against the wall. “Oh, is that all? I thought…well, I thought maybe...that you needed something.”

She was lying and they both knew it. “No, I’m fine,” he told her. “But, what I’d like to know is why you’re sitting on the floor.” 

Donna looked up at him and Josh could almost see the wheels turning as she tried to come up with a logical answer. 

“Oh, well, it was…my back,” she said. “With all the driving I was a little stiff so I thought maybe sitting against the wall would help.”

“And you thought sleeping like that was going to help your back too?”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“So you sitting against the wall and under the window had nothing to do with you trying to protect me from anyone trying to break in?”

She blinked at him a couple times. “No, of course not. That didn’t even occur to me.”

“Okay,” he placated. “So how long have you been sleeping like that?”

“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug. “A while,” she said noncommittally.

He would have been surprised if it had been more than a couple hours. “You know, we don’t have anywhere we have to be. Why don’t we stay here an extra day and you can get some rest?” he suggested.

The idea appeared to agitate her immediately and she started to get to her feet. “No, that wouldn’t be a good idea.” 

As she stood, Josh saw her sway noticeably and ignoring the twinge in his unslung arm, he stood up and took two steps toward her. “Donna…”

She must have read the panic on his face because she raised her hand, stopping him in his tracks. “I’m fine. I just got up too fast.”

“No, you’re not fine,” he argued. “You’re exhausted.”

“You’re exaggerating,” she argued back as she walked away from him. “I’m tired and stiff, not exhausted.”

He was really beginning to get worried about her. “Please, Donna, let’s just stay one extra day, just one...so you can get some rest,” he pleaded. “I’m stronger now. If you want someone to keep a lookout while you sleep, I can do it.”

“No, Mike said we should keep moving,” she told him as she pulled her toiletry bag out.

“Are you sure he didn’t mean in Chicago?” Josh asked. “We’re two states away now.”

“It doesn’t matter what he ‘meant.’ He was right and we need to keep moving,” she said firmly.

Josh stood where he was and felt a huge chasm between them. “When is it going to be enough, Donna?” he asked quietly. “When will we run far enough?”

Donna froze for a moment and stared down into her duffle bag as if it held the mysteries of the universe. “I’ll know...when it’s enough, I’ll know,” she said. Then she turned to him with a bright and utterly false smile on her face. “But right now I’m going to get freshened up and then we can get some breakfast and find a new car.”

Obviously finished with the discussion, Donna went into the bathroom and closed the door.

Dispirited, Josh dropped down onto the bed and flopped onto his back. Then he cursed when the motion sent a painful jolt through his arm. For a second, he’d almost forgotten about his wound.

Settling his injured arm more comfortably on the bed, he ran his good hand over his face.

How was he supposed to fix things if she wouldn’t stand still long enough to talk to him?

**********

After an actual, non-drive thru breakfast at IHOP, they drove to a car lot and used a new set of I.D.s to buy a white 4-wheel drive, 1999 Toyota 4Runner for just under $10,000. 

Then with Josh driving the Honda Prelude they drove to another car lot and sold it. By doing it that way, Donna had explained, there would be no link between the two cars as the Honda was registered under one of their old aliases.

With Donna behind the wheel of the SUV and after Josh had made a final, but unsuccessful attempt to get her to stay one more night in Oklahoma City, they picked up Interstate 40 and headed west for the panhandle of Texas.

The tension between them had been palpable all morning and it only got worse when they were alone in the SUV. Despite that, Josh managed to stay awake for most of the day. 

Going through Texas, the only major sign of civilization on I-40 was the city of Amarillo. Since it was already 4 pm, Josh had assumed that they would be stopping there for the night, but Donna drove on through. When he questioned her about it, she said she wanted to get into New Mexico before they stopped. 

Between the tension, no radio and the landscape turning flatter than the proverbial pancake, Josh drifted off halfway between Amarillo and the New Mexico border.

His next thought was...something’s wrong.

Instead of slowly waking, Josh jerked upright with a snap and was instantly alert.

Something was definitely wrong.

The SUV was not doing what it was supposed to. Instead of following a rather long, slow curve in the road, it was running off the shoulder of the road, and rapidly approaching a rather large telephone pole. His eyes flashed to Donna and saw her head was bobbing forward. 

Oh, God, she’d fallen asleep at the wheel.


	16. Chances

Chapter 16

“Donna!” he yelled as he grabbed at the wheel and swerved the SUV away from the pole and tried to get it pointed back toward the road. He succeeded, sort of. The car started paralleling the road. 

Disoriented, Donna snapped awake beside him and tightened her hands on the wheel. “What! What’s wrong?!”

“What’s wrong is you fell asleep at the wheel!” he snapped.

“I got it,” Donna said wrestling the SUV back onto the road and straightening it out. “I got it,” she repeated in a shaky voice. “Let go of the wheel.”

Josh could hardly hear himself over the terrified pounding of his own heart. 

“Pull over,” he said.

“No, it’s okay, I’m...”

“PULL THE HELL OVER NOW!” he roared, making her jump.

Meekly, she did as she was told.

“Pull off onto the shoulder,” he instructed.

“Wh..what...why...why are we...pulling over?” she said as the SUV came to a stop.

Josh could see she was trembling. Whether it was from falling asleep and running off the road or him yelling at her he didn’t know, but he didn’t let it dispel his fear and anger. It was time he took some control of the situation.

Reaching over he switched off the engine and pulled out the key. Then he got out, walked around to her door and opened it.

“I’m driving,” he said.

She blinked at him in surprise. “But...but...”

“I’m driving,” he repeated.

“I won’t fall asleep again, Josh, I swear.” 

“Good to know, now go sit in the passenger seat.”

A look of disbelief and even a little panic crossed her face. “But...but we’re almost there. Tucumcari is only about 40 miles away. I swear I can make it.”

“I know you can, because you’re going to do it from the passenger seat.”

“You could fall asleep, too!” she pointed out heatedly.

“All I’ve done is sleep for the last 4 days, I can stay awake for 40 miles,” he said in the cool, confident tone he used when he was running rough shod over Republicans. 

“You can’t drive us Josh,” she said. “This is a stick shift and with your arm hurt, you can’t drive a stick.”

“I’ll be fine. My arm is injured, not paralyzed,” he replied. “The only time I have to use it is to shift and while it might hurt a little, it doesn’t really take any exertion to move the gear shift.”

“Josh, please don’t do this,” she begged, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “I’m sorry...”

“I don’t want you to be sorry,” he told her. “I want you to go and sit in the passenger seat.”

“But...”

“Donna, I swear, injured arm or not, if you don’t get out of that seat right now, I’ll throw you over my good shoulder and PUT you in the passenger seat.”

His tone and the set of his jaw must have told her he meant business because she stopped arguing, but a look of pain and overwhelming anger crossed her face as she stared at him for a long moment.

Josh wasn’t sure which of them was more shocked - or hurt - when her hand flashed out and struck his cheek.

“I hate you!” she cried.

Part of him died inside to hear her say it, but his gaze never wavered from hers. “I know,” he said softly. 

Donna blinked at him as if she was coming out of a dream and realized what she’d just said. “Oh, Josh...I didn’t mean...I don’t...I’m sorry.”

“Go get into the passenger seat,” he said in a voice full of steel.

Her shoulders slumped in defeat, Donna slid out of the driver’s seat and silently did as he told her. 

Josh carefully removed the sling and after tossing it into the back seat, he climbed into the driver’s seat. 

Starting the engine with his right hand, he had to clench his jaw to keep from wincing when even such a small motion sent pain shooting through his arm. Checking for a clear opening in traffic, Josh eased the SUV back onto the pavement shoulder and then merged back onto the highway. 

Contrary to what he told Donna, moving the gear shift didn’t hurt a little, it hurt a lot, but there was no way he was going let it show. Luckily for him, there wasn’t much traffic on the road and by skipping third gear, he was able to get the SUV quickly up to speed so he could rest his arm. Just that limited usage had started a dull, regular throbbing in his arm again.

Outside of the sound of the SUV’s engine and some road noise, there was absolute silence as they crossed into New Mexico and headed for Tucumcari. Josh remained stone-faced in the driver’s seat as he gripped the steering wheel tightly in his left hand and Donna sat dry-eyed, wide awake and slumped in the passenger seat, staring out the window.

Within the hour, they were pulling into the parking lot of the Best Western in Tucumcari, New Mexico. Donna made no move to get out of the car, which didn’t really surprise Josh, so he pocketed the car keys, picked up his backpack and walked into the office to get them a room.

When he came out, Donna still hadn’t moved from her place in the front seat. His arm was killing him, so after putting his sling back on, he walked over and opened her door. 

“I got us a room,” he told her calmly. 

Donna looked up at him, her eyes lost and a little dazed.

In what he hoped was a reassuring gesture, he held his hand out to her. “Come on, let’s go inside.” 

In return, she gave him a grateful little smile, took his hand and he helped her out of the car. Together, they carried all their things inside and didn’t exchange another word until they were in the room.

First, Josh and then Donna made quick use of the bathroom and as Donna emerged, the two of them were enveloped by a long and increasingly awkward silence as they stood on opposite sides of the room.

“Sit down,” Josh told her evenly.

“I’m…I don’t need…” she said fidgeting a bit as if waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Oh, would you please sit down before you fall down?” Josh said as his patience with her wore thin.

She sank down onto a corner of one of the two full-sized beds. Her face was a mixture of exhaustion, uncertainty and even a little fear.

“Donna...” Josh didn’t know where to begin. 

“Josh…before you even start,” Donna interrupted. “I want to say that I’m…for hitting you and...for what I said…about…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean it.”

“Then why did you say it?” he challenged. “I mean, you must have had a reason.”

“I…I was tired. I was angry.”

Josh wasn’t buying it. “Hate’s a pretty strong word, Donna.”

“I know…I’m sorry,” she said again.

Josh couldn’t let himself think about her words too closely. Although he knew her actions were a symptom of something bigger, the wound they’d caused was too fresh and too painful. 

He rubbed at the back of his head in frustration and hoped he could control his temper. “Setting aside, for a minute, the hating and the slapping, do you have any idea what could have happened today?”

“I do, Josh, I swear I know...”

“Do you?” he shot back. “Do you really? Do you know how lucky we were? What could have happened if I hadn’t picked that moment to wake up?”

“I know! I made a mistake, okay?!” she said, getting defensive. “I wanted us to get as far away as possible, but I knew I was tired and I should have stopped in Amarillo. I was wrong!”

“Yes, you were,” he snapped. “I mean, God, what if there had been other cars around? Or if there had been more stuff beside the road or we’d been on a bridge? You could have killed someone...you could have killed us!”

“Why don’t you say what you’re really thinking?!” she yelled. “I screwed up…I screwed up just like I always do!”

That took him aback. When had she screwed up anything? Okay, maybe a little with Cliff Calley and the diary, but otherwise he really couldn’t think of anything. She was usually the one who fixed HIS screw-ups.

“Donna…” he said, softening his tone and walking over to her. “I don’t think that…I would never think that.”

“It’s okay, Josh, really. I get it!” she yelled, jumping up from the bed to pace away from him. “I really…”

And suddenly, as if in slow motion, he saw her eyes roll back in her head and her body start to sag. He wasn’t able to get to her before she collapsed into a heap on the floor. Kneeling down beside her, his earlier anger was replaced with terror.

“Donna?!” he said shaking her shoulder and lightly patting her cheeks. 

Everything from a brain aneurism to a heart attack to a gun shot wound, even though he hadn’t heard anything that remotely sounded like a gun-shot, ran through his head as to why she was currently lying on the floor. 

Then he felt his own heart start beating again as she started to come around and he realized she must have just fainted.

“Come on, Donna, wake up,” he said, giving her hand a squeeze.

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him. “What happened?”

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Josh replied. “One minute you were yelling at me and then you just seemed to…turn off.”

“I don’t…I was…talking and then I was on the floor. I must have gotten up too fast and got woozy.”

“That was more than woozy, Donna…you passed out,” he insisted.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said pulling her hand out of his and sitting up. “I’m fine.”

“Why don’t you rest a second?” he urged.

“I don’t need to rest,” she said defiantly as she used the edge of the dresser to help her stand up. “See? I keep telling you, I’m…” 

This time Josh was close enough that he was able to snatch her around the waist with his left arm and pull her close as she passed out again.

“Yeah…” he said through gritted teeth as he held up her dead weight with one arm. “I know…you’re fine.” 

He managed to half drag, half maneuver her over to the bed and he eased her down onto it. By then she was coming around again. “What...?” she said as her eyes fluttered open again. 

“You passed out again.”

“I did?” 

“Yeah, and for the record, I’d appreciate it if you’d stop doing that,” he told her. “How do you feel now?”

“A little dizzy...tired.”

“Anything hurt? Did you hit your head when you fainted the first time?”

“No,” she replied as she sat up slowly.

He narrowed his eyes at her. “You haven’t had much to eat in the last couple days, have you? In fact, ever since Chicago, I’ve barely seen you eat anything.”

“Oh, Josh, stop being so dramatic,” she told him dismissively. “Have you forgotten that everywhere you’ve eaten, I’ve eaten?”

He frowned as some of the pieces really began to click into place. “No, everywhere I’ve eaten has been everywhere that you’ve mostly picked at your food or not had much more than coffee or a soda.”

She shrugged. “I guess I haven’t been all that hungry.”

Josh ran a hand over his face in frustration. “God, Donna, don’t you see? THAT’S why you’re passing out! You’re exhausted and you’ve hardly eaten in the last week.”

“Josh, you’re blowing things WAY out of proportion.”

“Yeah, no, I’m really not.” He let out a long sigh. “Okay, come on,” he said moving to the bed she was sitting on and pulling back the covers. “The first order of business is for you to get some sleep. Slide up here.”

She turned and looked at him. ‘But Josh, I can’t. I need to change your bandage and make sure you take your meds…”

“And as much as I appreciate you doing those things for me, I can manage them on my own this one time. Now, come on,” he said patting the bed.

“But...but, someone needs to...to...”

“What Donna? Someone needs to do what?” he asked gently, even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

Her eyes bore into his. “To keep watch…in case…just in case.”

Josh took a couple steps toward her and laying his hand on her shoulder, was relieved when she didn’t flinch or pull away. “You’ve been on guard duty long enough, Donna. It’s my turn now.” He gave her shoulder a light squeeze. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to do it sooner.”

For just a moment, he thought he saw tears start to swim into her eyes, but she blinked and they were gone. 

“Are you sure?” she said softly.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

She was quiet for a minute. “I thought you were going to yell at me some more.”

“Well, you need sleep more than I need to yell at you,” he replied honestly.

“But how can I sleep if I know you’re going to yell at me when I wake up?” she said in a voice that sounded sleepier by the minute.

He let out a sigh. “I’m done yelling, Donna. We’ll put it away. Now come on, it’s time to rest. Get under the covers.”

Either she really was exhausted or his words finally got through to her, because she quietly toed off her shoes and slid back and let him cover her up.

“Oh, wait,” she said slowly sitting up again. “I’ve got take my antibiotic...”

“Just stay there, I’ll get it for you.”

“No, I can...” she protested moving to pull back the covers again.

“No, you can just stay there,” he told her. “Come on, Donna, don’t make me tie you to the bed.”

She stared at him for a minute then flopped back onto the bed. “Okay, I MUST be tired, I can’t even think of a good comeback for that.”

“Another reason to get some sleep,” he teased as he dug in their first-aid bag and got out their prescription bottles.

Getting out a bottle of water, he carried everything over to the bed and sat down next to her. He got out two pills and helped her sit up. “I want you to take both of these.”

Donna frowned at him as she picked up the antibiotic. “I know what this one is, but what’s the other one.”

He watched her swallow the first pill. “One of the sleeping pills Mrs. Bartlet sent to us.”

“Josh, I don’t need to take a sleeping pill,” she argued pushing his hand away lightly.

“Come on, Donna, you need to get your sleep. You know as well as I do that sometimes you can be so tired you can’t sleep.” He gave her a pleading look. “Please?”

With a resigned little sigh, she popped it in her mouth and washed it down with a big slug of water. “Happy?”

“Thanks,” he said as she lay back against the pillows. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to get some ice so I can make a cold pack for your face.”

“Okay,” she replied, but there was a shadow of worry in her tired eyes. “Be careful and don’t be gone too long.” Her voice was getting softer as her body began to lose its battle to stay awake.

“I promise.” 

Grabbing the ice bucket he ducked out of the room, hurried down to the ice machine and came right back. He’d half expected her to have bolted from the room while he was getting ice, but he found her still in bed.

Her eyes were closed and he couldn’t tell if she was actually asleep yet or not, but he proceeded with the assumption that she was and he moved quietly around the room. getting her ice pack ready.

Standing beside the bed, he very gently, laid the ice pack over her face. Right after she’d broken her nose, he’d gotten pretty good at changing her ice packs without waking her up and it would seem that he hadn’t lost his touch because she didn’t stir. Either that or she was just dead-to-the-world-asleep.

As he stood there watching her, he considered what he was going to say when they got around to hashing things out tomorrow. He knew that he’d have to walk a fine line between confronting her and trying to reason with her.

***********

Feeling like she always did when she’d slept especially hard, Donna woke slowly, groggily and laid there for a few minutes with her eyes closed as she slid up through the remaining layers of sleep. 

She didn’t feel exactly rested, but parts of her did feel better. The soreness and pressure in her face seemed to be gone, as was the slightly light headed feeling she’d had. Best of all, the headache that had been pounding its way through her head for the last couple of days had retreated to a barely there throbbing.

Her stomach pitched a little then knotted almost painfully. Okay, so maybe Josh had been right. She hadn’t been eating very much in the last few days.

Josh...Oh, no. 

Things from yesterday came back to her in a flood. 

Falling asleep at the wheel had been stupid...and terrifying. She knew she shouldn’t have been behind the wheel, but her desire...no, almost compulsion to keep going...to get them away, had been overwhelming and she hadn’t been able to stop.

In hindsight, Josh taking over the driving had been the best...Oh, God.

Had she really slapped him and told him she hated him?

“Josh?” she said sitting up with a start. Then she groaned and rubbed her hands over her forehead when the sudden motion made the throbbing in her head pick up tempo and severity again.

“I’m right here,” he said moving to sit down beside her on the bed. He laid his hand on her leg. 

She laid back down and felt the throbbing begin to recede again. Opening her eyes, she saw that he looked more concerned than angry, which gave her a little courage.

“Please tell me I was hallucinating, but…did I really slap you yesterday and say…” She couldn’t even speak the words again, even in a descriptive sense. “…the other thing?”

“No, you weren’t hallucinating,” he said quietly.

Disgust for her behavior rolled through her. “Oh, Josh, I’m…”

He didn’t think either of them were quite ready to have that conversation yet. “How are you feeling?” he said, cutting her off.

She stared at him for a moment, surprised that he wasn’t letting her have it with both barrels. “Okay. Kind of groggy, I guess.” 

“That’s not surprising, given how long you’ve been asleep.”

“How long have I been asleep?” she asked with a little frown.

“Nearly 16 hours,” he replied.

“16 HOURS!” she said sitting up again. It made her head throb, but when she pushed herself back a little so she could rest against the headboard, it subsided.

“Yeah, you crawled into bed about 6 last night and it’s now a little after 10…in the morning.”

“Why didn’t you wake me sooner?” she said, starting to pull back the covers. “We should get on the road.”

Josh laid his hand on hers and stopped her. “We’re not going anywhere.”

She looked at him. “Why? Is there something wrong with the car?”

He’d hoped they could have put this talk off a little longer. “No, but…”

“Then we need to get on the road, I just need to grab a shower and we can go.”

His voice was soft, but his tone was diamond hard. “Donna, stop.”

She frowned at him. “What?”

“We’re not going anywhere,” he repeated. “We’re going to stay here for a few days to rest and work up a plan.”

“But…but I’ve got a plan!” she insisted. 

“And that would be…?”

“To keep moving!”

He gave her hand a squeeze. “Donna that’s not a plan, that’s an instinct,” he replied. “Eventually we have to stop running and find a place to land. We’ve been running on fear and adrenaline for nearly a week now. It’s time we started thinking instead of just reacting.”

“We can think in the car.”

“Not if we’re exhausted, we can’t,” he pointed out. “And you know as well as I do that we’re both running on empty.”

“But I’m fine,” she argued. “I just needed some sleep.”

“Donna, you slept for 16 HOURS. That’s almost…I don’t know…a coma,” he replied. “You didn’t need SOME sleep, you NEED a LOT of sleep. One night isn’t going to magically make up for all that you’ve been missing and you said yourself you’re still feeling groggy.”

“But…”

He didn’t let her finish. “First, we’re going to get some rest. Then we’re going to decide WHERE we’re ‘moving’ to and how to protect ourselves if Stone ever finds us again.”

Donna felt herself getting angry. “You know, Josh, I don’t appreciate you ordering me around like a flunky! I don’t work for you anymore and I’ve been taking care of business pretty damn well for the last week. In fact, I’ve been taking care if it ever since I had to save my OWN ass from Stone at the lake! So who the hell suddenly put you in charge?” she challenged.

“You did, when you ran us off the road yesterday,” he said in the same diamond hard voice he’d used earlier.

Donna felt her heart and her stomach clench almost painfully. “That’s really unfair, Josh.”

“No, Donna. It’s the truth.” He ran a hand over his stubbled jaw and let out a tired breath. “I’m really worried about you.”

She blinked at him as that had been the last thing she’d expected him to say. “Me? But...I’m fine.”

He half laughed, but there was no humor in it. “No, Donna, you’re really not,” he replied. “You keep saying that you are, but you’re not.”

She had no reply as he stood and paced a few steps away from her, then turned. 

“Last night not withstanding, you hardly sleep, hardly eat, in fact, you don’t even smile, except when you’re lying to me or trying to make me think you’re all right, then you smile like...I don’t know, Shirley Temple.”

Under normal circumstances she would have laughed at his simile, but she found nothing funny about it now. “I didn’t lie and I don’t appreciate...” she began. 

“Do you think I don’t know when you’re lying?” he snapped. “I’ve known you too long and you’re not that good a liar.”

A singular and rather annoyingly ill-timed thought popped into her head: ‘I’m a good enough liar to keep you from finding out that I’ve been in love with you for the past 7 years.’ Of course, she couldn’t bring herself to say those words out loud.

“If I lied it was only to keep you from worrying and to keep us from having a stupid argument!” she said instead as she gave him a death glare.

“As for the other stuff, in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve had some shit on my mind, Josh! Including being your nurse while being chased by the bad guys and trying to not let them KILL us! I mean, GOD, pardon me for being preoccupied and not laughing and smiling all the time as if we were passengers on the Good Ship Lollipop!!” 

Realizing that their tempers were getting the better of them and he was fumbling a lot of what he wanted to say, Josh let out a long breath and dropped back down onto the bed next to her.

“Donna…” he began, softening his tone. “I don’t want to fight.”

“You could have fooled me,” she said unable to keep the comment from leaping out.

He didn’t let himself rise to the bait. “What I’ve been trying to say is…ever since I woke up in that motel in Chicago…it feels like you’re slipping away from me and yesterday showed me just how far things have gone.” 

While she felt her anger fading, she was still a little on the defensive. “Josh, everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect you…protect us.”

“I know, Donna, I swear I know that and there’s no way I can ever thank you enough and you did an amazing job.” He stared at her, the honesty naked in his eyes. “But it’s time to let me take back some of the burden. If you don’t…you’re going to kill yourself trying to save me and I’m not going to stand by and let that happen. I can’t...I won’t.”

It was a lot easier to deal with him when he was yelling at her. When he turned quiet and earnest like this, it made her heart twist almost painfully.

Josh could see she was wavering. “You don’t need to do this alone any more, Donna. Let me help you.”

Opposing sides warred inside her. Part of her wanted to hold onto the control she’d been clinging to like a lifeline, but the other part of her was so tired of shouldering the burden it was ready to weep with relief at what Josh was offering.

“But...but, Mike said...we need to keep moving,” she protested weakly. “We can’t stay here.”

He took it as a good sign that she hadn’t said no or started yelling at him again. “Donna...come on, Mike only wanted us to keep moving until we could ditch the car and then get out of Chicago.” He paused. “And I think you know that.” 

She stared at him quietly and Josh thought that she looked not unlike an abused animal that was being offered a gentle, loving hand after being continually beaten. He was sorry he hadn’t done more to keep that look from her eyes.

He held his hand out to her. “Trust me, Donna,” he said softly.

Slowly, tentatively, Donna reached a trembling hand out and placed it in his. “I do,” she answered back. Something in her soul eased as his hand tightened comfortingly on hers. “Now you said something about a plan?”

**********

After an early lunch at the Denny’s across the street from the motel where Josh made sure that Donna ate all of her chicken noodle soup and turkey sandwich, they came back to the motel. Then together, they spent a good chunk of the afternoon putting together their plan.

To see if Stone or his associates were still on their tail, they would stay in Tucumcari for another two days. Not hiding, but moving around in very specific patterns that on the surface would look like they were vulnerable and unprepared for another attack. But they had a few tricks planned for anyone that might be on their tail. 

If no one appeared or seemed to be paying them any attention after the two days were up they’d drive to Arizona where they’d find a place to try and settle more permanently in.

They also agreed that, except for maybe bathroom breaks, they’d go everywhere together. 

Now that they had a plan in place, they made two stops during the remainder of the afternoon. 

The first was at a gun shop where they purchased more ammunition for the gun. Luckily, they didn’t need any kind of permit or a waiting period to buy ammunition.

Next was a trip to yet another trusty Wal-Mart Supercenter, where they stocked up on everything from water and snacks to first-aid supplies and some things to let them know if anyone was trying to break into their room or car.

One of those things was a set of mini alarm sensors that could be placed around doors, windows and other access points. Basically, using a small sticky pad, one part of the sensor could be placed on the inside of the door or window frame and another part could be placed on the inside of the window or door. If the door or window were opened without pressing a release button or without first switching off the sensor, a high pitched siren went off. 

Josh had found the sensors in the hardware aisle and thought it would be a great way for them to ‘booby trap’ the room so they could both sleep without feeling like one of them should stay up standing watch. Since the sensors were only attached by a sticky pad and there were extra pads in the kit, the sensors could be removed and taken with them when they left.

After grabbing some sandwiches at Subway, they headed back to the motel, unloaded their purchases, set alarm sensors in the room and in the car which was parked right outside their door and ate a quiet dinner while they watched just a little news on TV.

With all the excitement of the last few days and given all they’d done that day, they both found themselves tired and decided to turn in a little after eight. A bedtime which they both agreed was almost criminal by D.C. standards.

As usual they left the TV on, but muted the sound and each climbed into their separate beds. The odd thing was, despite how tired they both were, neither of them felt ready to fall right to sleep.

Josh laid there staring at the ceiling, thinking about how the day had gone.

Donna was still quieter than usual, but he felt like they’d turned some corner in their...fight...upheaval...thing. He knew that there were still issues between them and within Donna herself over everything that had happened, but he felt like things were on the mend.

And if he tried, he could almost forget the stinging slap of her hand and the sound of her voice when she’s said she hated him. 

Over in the other bed, Donna was lying on her side, staring at Josh in the TVs flickering half-light through half closed eyes. 

And something was eating her...

“Josh?” she said softly, in case he was already asleep.

He turned his head to look at her. “Yeah?”

She had to swallow before she could get the words out. “What did you mean yesterday when you said, ‘I know?’”

Josh felt his stomach clench. He didn’t want to have this discussion. “Go to sleep, Donna,” he said quietly.

“No,” she replied. “Please tell me.”

“Now is not the time.”

“Josh...please,” she begged quietly.

“I don’t want to fight,” he said with a tired sigh.

“And I’m not trying to pick one,” she replied. “I just want to know.”

He turned the question back on her. “Why did you say...” He’d been going to say, ‘you hate me’ but found he couldn’t get the words out. “...what you said?”

“I asked you first,” she said.

“You said what you said...first,” he pointed out.

‘I hurt him,’ she thought, wishing she could cut her own tongue out. Because of it she knew she owed him an explanation.

“I don’t know, Josh, I didn’t think it, I DON’T think it. It just came out. I was tired and not thinking straight. I suppose I was trying to strike out at you. A little like an angry child says I hate you to a parent who’s disciplining them.”

Josh felt a humorless, almost painful laugh roll through him. “Great. What, so I’m your father sending you to your room now?” 

That was the last thing he wanted to be to her. 

“No, Josh, of course not.”

There was nothing fatherly in her thoughts about him.

“Then, what is it, Donna? Because it sounds like we’re heading into fighting territory.”

“You made me feel powerless,” she admitted gently. “You were right and it doesn’t excuse what I said, but I felt powerless and useless.”

That brought him up short and replaced his blooming anger with curiosity. “Why?”

Unable to look at him, Donna rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. “I’ve been so scared Josh,” she admitted in a hollow voice. “So scared sometimes that I couldn’t think, almost couldn’t function.”

Guilt ate at him over all she’d had to take on her shoulders.

“When Stone found us at the diner and you...got...shot,” she said haltingly.

The tears began as she let herself really remember what had happened for the first time.

“I mean...shot, you got shot...again, because of me...I couldn’t believe it,” she said as she choked on the words.

The naked pain in her voice took his breath away and Josh didn’t hesitate. Throwing back his covers, he went to her and sat down beside her on the bed. Favoring his injured arm, he leaned forward, put his arms around her and gathered her close to him. 

“It’s okay, Donna. I’m okay,” he tried to console her. “And I didn’t get shot because of you. You rescued me...just like you always do.”

She put her arms around him and held on as she continued. “All I kept telling myself was that I had to keep control or we weren’t going to make it.” She tried to laugh through her tears, but failed pretty miserably. “Of course, it helped that you were unconscious. You’re much more agreeable when you’re passed out.”

He tried to laugh back. “My secret comes out.”

She pulled back from him and laid back down on the bed. “Ever since then I’ve been working in control mode. Control of the situation, control of you and control of myself.” She let out a shaky little breath as she took his hand. 

“But yesterday, when you forced me to give up the car, you threatened that control,” she continued. “And I tried to talk my way out of it, tease and reason my way out of it, but you held firm. Part of me knew that what I said would hurt you and I guess that same part thought if I hurt you or pissed you off enough you’d back off.”

“Well, you know how stubborn I can be,” he teased.

“I guess I was seeing it as an all or nothing thing,” she said. “If I gave up the car I was giving up everything and that’s why I felt powerless and useless.”

He nodded at her in semi-darkness. “But it’s not all or nothing,” he said softly. ”We seem to do best when we share the control, don’t we?”

Somewhere in there was a lesson for their whole relationship. 

“Yes, we do.” Her eyes gleamed at him. “I really am sorry,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze. “It was inexcusable of me to say what I did and to slap you. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

“Apology accepted,” he told her. In the light from the TV, a drying tear gleamed on her cheek and he gently brushed it away. “Now let’s get some sleep.” With a little squeeze, he let go of her hand and stood up to go back to his own bed. 

“Hey, wait a second,” she said.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“What about you?”

“What about me...what?”

“Why did you say ‘I know?’’”

Damn, he’d hoped she’d forgotten about it. He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now that you’ve explained the other thing,” he said, sitting down on his bed.

“Yes, it does matter. It matters to me.” When his only answer was to run a hand through his hair, she frowned. “Josh? Why would you say you know I hate you?”

Was it really so easy for him to think she hated him? Of course she didn’t hate him. She couldn’t hate him if she tried. How could you hate someone you loved more than life itself? 

Josh really, REALLY didn’t want to talk about this. Didn’t want to run the risk that something from this conversation would somehow confirm his worst fears. But it was pretty clear that Donna wasn’t going to let him off the hook. Not to mention the fact that she had been honest with him, so he owed her the same thing.

He sighed. “Because, Donna, I KNOW. It didn’t come as a big revelation to me.”

“But I already told you I didn’t mean it. Why would you think I would?” she asked with a frown.

“Because you should hate me.”

That stunned her into silence for a moment. “Why the hell would you say such a thing?“

“I was the one who got you into this, Donna. You were at the meeting with Amy because of me, because...”

“Stop it, Josh. We already went over this. There’s no way you could have known so stop blaming yourself for that before I have to smack YOU in the head with a lamp.”

Rather than laughing or even smiling at her comment he continued to stare at her quietly. “You should also hate me for what happened at the diner,” he said softly.

“Josh, that wasn’t your fault either. It was Stone’s fault. You didn’t ask him to shoot you. He...”

“No, not for that,” Josh said, interrupting her. 

Her frown deepened. “Then for what?”

“For our talk...for walking out on our talk,” he said quietly.

She hadn’t seen that coming and didn’t have an answer for it. 

“And your silence tells me I’m right.” He paused. 

“No, Josh, you’re not right. I pushed and you obviously weren’t ready to talk about it.”

“It went beyond that,” he replied. “I got...scared, don’t ask me why exactly, other than the fact that the thought of you going anywhere without me makes me panic more than the idea of a Republican-controlled Congress.”

They were both quiet for a long moment.

“But you know, I was thinking that when...not if,” he stressed. “...we get back to D.C., I’m sure you’d have no trouble finding another job...a better job. One that would give you the more that you want.” He paused. “The more I haven’t been giving you. I’d help you. I’d give you any recommendation you needed.”

Donna felt fresh tears sting her eyes. This conversation had gone in a completely different direction than she had expected. He was giving her his blessing. The only problem was instead of feeling touched and grateful, it just made her sad.

Tears trailed down the sides of her face. She didn’t want to leave him, but apparently he’d already made the decision to let her go. How could she tell him that the biggest part of the ‘more’ she wanted was from him, when he obviously didn’t care enough to try and fight to make her stay?

“Of course you wouldn’t see me very much if we didn’t work together,” he pointed out with a little grin, trying to tease her a bit. “But then most people would see that as plus where I’m concerned.”

She wouldn’t...didn’t. 

Josh stared at her in the semi-darkness. She was lying so still and she hadn’t said anything for the last few minutes. “Donna?”

She knew she’d have to answer him. Taking a little breath, she swallowed. “Yes?”

He frowned. “You still awake over there?”

“Yep.”

His frowned deepened. “Are you crying?”

“No.”

He didn’t believe her for a second and he got up and sat down next to her on the bed again. In a feeble attempt to hide her tears, she turned her face away from him slightly, but the new angle actually made them show up better in the light from the TV. “Hey, you are crying. Why are you crying?” 

Her mind raced for an excuse. “Happy tears, Josh. They’re happy tears.”

“I’ve seen your happy tears, Donna. These aren’t it. Try again.”

“I just...” she began. “Never mind.”

“Donna...” he chided.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“Come on, talk to me.”

“I...it’s just...I mean, you’ve got me packed off already,” she began.

“But I thought you’d be happy,” he said, mystified by her reaction.

“You just keep assuming everything.”

“But...I thought...”

“I just wanted to talk about it. I didn’t mean I was all ready to jump ship,” she said. “You’ve got my stuff in a box by the door already.”

“No...no, I just...I thought...it’s what you wanted.”

“I told you before that wanting more doesn’t mean having to leave you or the White House. For that matter, the more might wait until after the President’s out of office.”

“I...okay...I apparently missed that part of the discussion before,” he admitted.

“And I can’t believe that you’d even joke about the fact that I’d think not seeing you would be a plus.” Sitting up, she put her arms around him again. “You’re my best friend.”

Hugging her back, he let himself breathe in the scent of her. “And you’re mine,” he admitted. “Which is another reason why I overreacted when I thought you wanted to leave.”

“Well, I hate to tell you this,” she said with a sniff. “But I think you’re stuck with me.”

Josh smiled in the dark, feeling things had just gotten a lot better between them. “I can live with that.”

“Good.” Loosening her hold, she laid back in bed. “Now that we’ve got that settled, I think it’s time we got some sleep.”

She watched him hesitate for just a moment, almost like he wanted to say something else, but then he got up and went back to the other bed. As much as she wanted to go back to sleeping in the same bed with him, she knew without a doubt it was a bad idea.

Right then her resistance was too low and she didn’t trust herself to not tell him things that were better left unsaid.


	17. Chances

Chapter 17

A terrible lightning storm raged outside the motel. The sky was thick with boiling clouds that looked dark and foreboding even in the middle of the night and rain fell like angry tears.

Even with the curtains drawn, Donna watched the flash from the lightning slide around the edges of the curtains and illuminate the room. They’d left the TV on when they’d turned in and it was off now, as was the small alarm clock she’d plugged in beside the bed, so she assumed the power must have been knocked out.

Sitting up in bed, Donna covered her ears. She didn’t like lightning and thunder. It was so loud it hurt her ears and made her want to hide under the bed or in the closet like she had when she was a child.

Glancing at Josh, she was scared enough to consider climbing into bed with him until the storm was over, but he appeared to be sleeping peacefully and she didn’t want to wake him. She knew he didn’t like loud noises anymore than she did.

Listening to the thunder and watching the lightning, she used the old trick of counting between the flash and the sound to know how far away it was. At first, the thunder didn’t catch up to the lightning until she got to three, but then, within just two flashes they were right on top of each other. 

The next lightning strike was so close she could smell the ozone and feel the electric charge in the air and it made the hair on her arms stand up. Then there was another flash and a loud CRACK to go with it and she wondered if it had actually struck something outside.

‘With our luck it hit the car,’ she thought.

Even though the lightning and the thunder terrified her, she had to make sure the car was okay. It was their only means of escape if something happened. Her bed was closest to the window so she figured she only needed to slip out of bed, take a couple steps to the window, look out and then scurry back to bed. 

Tentatively, she slid out of bed and shuffled over to the window. 

Pulling back the curtains, she was greeted by a wall of black. There appeared to be no lights on outside, so she assumed the power in the surrounding area must be off too. 

She jumped as another bolt of lightning flashed and instant thunder boomed, but she managed to catch a glimpse of the car and saw it was fine before the blackness enveloped the world again.

Feeling a chill go through her, she knew it was time to get back into bed. Suddenly, before she could even move, there was another flash and a face appeared at the window. Stone’s face. It was so close it was almost pressed against the glass. 

She screamed, but the sound was swallowed by more lightning and a new crash of thunder. 

Yet another flash split the night and this time more faces, a sea of faces appeared behind Stone’s. It was the DEA agent, from the news she knew his name was Sandoval, that she’d killed at the diner. Except for Stone in the front, all the other faces were Sandoval’s. All of them had blank white, dead eyes.

The lightning and thunder started to come in rapid succession then, almost like a natural strobe light. It was bright and deafening and it set the scene in motion almost like an old movie, except with color and sound.

She felt herself screaming, but didn’t actually hear it and when she tried to call out to Josh, who still seemed to be sleeping peacefully amidst the chaos, the same thing happened.

As she watched, the drapes flew apart and the window slid open. Even the sound of the alarm she and Josh had placed in the window was drowned out by the thunder and rendered ineffective.

Stone came in…no, Stone crawled in…literally scuttled in like a spider, with his army of Sandovals pouring through the window behind him. 

The gun. She had to get the gun. 

It was tantalizingly close to her on the nightstand, but when she tried to move her feet she found they were literally glued to the floor with what looked like a gooey spider’s webbing.

Terror became a living thing inside her, stealing breath and thought and nearly…hope.

Stone half-crouched in front of her, dripping water in little rivulets all over the floor. In his claw-like hand was a long, sharp knife. Every time the lightning flashed, the light bounced off the blade and was reflected in his already glittering eyes. 

Every Sandoval minion that entered the room was carrying a gun. They moved to encircle Josh’s bed. With her feet immobilized, Donna tried swinging out with her fists at anyone and anything that came close enough, but the effort was ineffective at best.

Suddenly her arms were pinned down at her sides and she saw that Stone had encased her arms and torso in more of the same webbing she had on her feet. He’d even used some of it to glue her mouth closed so she couldn’t scream anymore.

Stone spoke then, a horrible sound, rising even above the thunder, and sounding like a thousand nails on a thousand chalkboards. His mouth had fangs now, more like a spider than a vampire, and they dripped with fresh blood.

“You won’t get away this time,” he said with deliberate slowness as if he was savoring each word. “No one can help you now.”

The thunder echoed away into silence, but the lightning continued to flash as his spider-like arms grabbed at her and spun her around to face Josh’s bed and the dead Sandovals that surrounded almost all of it. They’d left a big enough spot for her to see his sleeping face and his upper torso.

From behind her, Stone’s hot breath crawled over her neck and when he spoke into the newly formed vacuum left by the silenced thunder, his words dripped into her ears like acid. “He has to die...because of you.”

As if that were some kind of signal, the Sandovals raised their guns and began firing at Josh. The sound of the guns firing was louder than the thunder, more terrible even than the sound of Stone’s voice. She wanted to cover her ears, wanted to make it stop more than she wanted to breathe, but she couldn’t move. Even her eyelids seemed glued in place so she couldn’t close them.

Ejected bullet casings flew thought the air and glittered in the flash from the lightning like gold rain. 

Josh’s body jerked and spasmed like he was having a seizure as the bullets struck him. Blood soaked the flower-printed bedspread, turning it a solid red.

“You should have told me…what I wanted to know,” Stone said into her ear. “Now you’ve lost everything.”

She felt a sharp, piercing, blinding pain in her back, not once but in an agonizing series as he stabbed her with the knife he’d carried.

Then even the lightning was gone, leaving her in the dark and she felt herself falling…falling…falling.

Suddenly someone caught her...held her in gentle, but strong arms.

“You’re safe now, it’s okay,” a voice murmured gently in her ear.

The smell of him filled her senses and began to push the nightmare from her mind. “Josh?” she said breathlessly, opening her eyes to find him sitting with her in his arms.

“Yeah, I’m here,” he told her with a smile. 

“What...?” she said, blinking up at him in confusion. 

“You were having a nightmare. A bad one from the sound of it,” he told her. 

“A nightmare...?” She shivered as a chill went through her and her body started to tremble violently. Stone...dead Sandovals...lightning...thunder…

With her heart racing, Donna ran her hands over Josh’s chest, trying to find any signs of bullet wounds. “Are you okay?” she said shakily.

“I’m fine, Donna,” he said trying to reassure her.

Seeing Josh was apparently unhurt, her eyes darted around the room looking for any sign of danger, but saw none. The muted TV was playing CNN, the alarm clock was reading a steady 2:17 am and she didn’t hear anything remotely like thunder or rain outside. She looked back up at him in a daze of fear and relief.

“Oh, Josh!” She threw her arms around him and buried her face against his chest as she started to cry.

Josh winced silently as she’d bumped his sore arm but he didn’t care. Clearly traumatized by her nightmare, she was sobbing and hugging him fiercely, so he just held onto her, rocking her gently and rubbing her back in slow circles. 

“It’s okay, Donna, we’re safe. It was just a nightmare. No one is going to hurt you,” he cooed gently. 

It was their third night in Tucumcari and her crying and near yelling had woken him a few moments before. It had sounded like someone was torturing her and it had completely scared the crap out of him. For a half a second he’d started reaching for the gun to fend off whoever was attacking her.

He felt her grab handfuls of his shirt as if she was trying to anchor herself. Slowly, he felt her sobs begin to ebb and the trembling in her body begin to fade.

“Stay with me,” she whispered.

“Of course, I will,” he said, rubbing his cheek against her hair. “Do you need anything? Some water?”

She considered having him check the room to make sure everything was okay or at least look outside to make sure the car was there and it wasn’t raining, but she couldn’t bear to let him go that far. She needed to feel him…needed to know he was alive and well.

“No.” Her voice was still a little unsteady. “Just you.”

“Well, you got me. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

He settled her back in bed and climbed in with her. As he pulled the covers up over them, she once again put her arms around him and held onto him like a lifeline.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked quietly.

Donna laid there with her face pressed against his chest. She could hear and feel his heartbeat and something about it shoved the nightmare back even farther.

“No,” she said holding him just a little tighter.

“’Might make you feel better.”

Donna shivered a little at the thought. She couldn’t go back there. “No…please don’t ask me…”

He gave her a little hug. “Okay, I won’t. It’s all right,” he said letting out a relieved breath of his own as he rubbed a hand over her back. “Try and go back to sleep. I’ll keep you safe.”

************

The next night Donna tried to sleep back in her own bed by herself. And again she had a nightmare. After that and by unspoken agreement, they started sleeping in the same bed again.

Although Donna was still a bit quiet and paranoid, things between them were a lot better. They played cards, watched TV, slept fairly well, ate at a number of places in Tucumcari, did laundry, restocked the car, looked over their maps, planned out a route for when they left Tucumcari, and got some new clothes, including jackets, to replace what had been ruined in Chicago.

So it almost felt a little anti-climactic, but not unpleasant, when, by the fourth day of their stay in New Mexico no one had so much as looked twice at them. And it wasn’t because Josh and Donna hadn’t been watching. Even though she was a bit more paranoid than Josh, they were both vigilant about watching for anyone that might be paying a little too much attention to them. But from all accounts, no one was watching or following them.

Consequently, the following morning they decided it was time to move on and they left Tucumcari and headed west on I-40 across New Mexico. The weather was clear and dry and the desert scenery, except for being warm, was actually a lot more beautiful than either of them had expected. The open wildness of it was something that had to be seen to be appreciated. Being out away from major towns as they were most of the time, the traffic was light and they made good time. 

They stopped for the night in Gallup, New Mexico, near the Arizona border. After hitting the fast food drive-thru next to the Motel 6 they were going to stop at, they settled into the hotel for the night. While they ate dinner, they turned on the TV and watched MSNBC.

The commentator was talking about the CODEL, led by Congresswoman Andrea Wyatt, going to the Middle East in a couple of days. The story of the trip was not news to Josh, Donna or the public at large as it had been in the works for a few weeks. 

What was news was the announcement that former chairman of President Bartlet’s joint chiefs and retired Admiral Percy Fitzwallace had just been added to the trip. 

“I can’t believe Leo and Toby haven’t managed to nip that trip in the bud,” Josh said as he took a bite of his chicken sandwich.

“It’s a congressional trip. If Andi and the others are set on going, they can’t stop them,” Donna pointed out as she swiped some of his fries.

“Yeah, ‘cause it’s not like we never talked members of Congress out of doing something before,” Josh said with a snort as he took a drink of water. “I bet Toby’s ready to spit nails about Andi going over there.”

“Why do you think Admiral Fitzwallace is going?” she asked.

Josh shrugged. “My guess would be it’s Leo and the President’s way of keeping tabs on what the congressional delegation is up to,” he stuffed the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth. “You know, so they don’t give away the farm while they’re over there.”

“Do you think anybody else from the White House will be going?”

“Nah, I doubt it,” Josh answered. “Like you said, it’s a congressional trip and I’m guessing the President’s going to want to distance himself from it as much as possible. I suppose CJ might send a staffer along to help them with the Press detail, but beyond that I don’t think so.”

Donna stared at him for a long moment. Even though he hadn’t exactly said anything she knew he wished he was back in D.C. “Josh, are you...?” her voice trailed off

“What?” he asked.

“Never mind,” she said finishing the last of her salad. “It’s not important.”

Josh stared at her across the small table. “No, what were you going to say?” 

“I just...” The words finally came out in a rush. “I was wondering if you regret leaving D.C. to come with me?”

He blinked in surprise. “No, of course not.”

She looked down at the tiny pieces of wilted, left over salad. “I mean, it would be understandable. You did all that work on the trade deal and you would have been there for the Brussels trip. I’m sure that Leo and the President would have given you all the credit you deserve.”

“I guess, but...”

“And I know Politics is in your blood. It’s who you are,” she continued. “You have to miss being a part of it, especially given the fact that you didn’t just leave, you resigned.”

“Donna, we’ve been over this. I don’t regret what I did.” He let out a breath. “Okay, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it a little, but I’m where I want to be. Besides, you know Mike said that D.C. might not be the safest place for either of us right now. It’s for the best.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” she murmured. 

“What brought this up?” he said with a frown.

She shrugged. “I guess, just seeing everything that’s going on in D.C.,” she told him. “You know, Josh this is just the beginning. Even if we have managed to lose Stone, we’ve probably still got months and months ahead of us and you know how short memories are in politics.”

“It will be fine, Donna. I’ll be fine. Right now we need to focus on keeping you safe.”

“Keeping us safe,” she amended.

“Okay, keeping US safe.” He let out a breath. “Now, can we please stop talking about this?”

“Yes,” she said softly. She still wasn’t convinced that he wasn’t just staying with her out of some sense of duty and just didn’t want to tell her.

“Good, why don’t you finish these?” he said, nudging the rest of his fries over to her as a peace offering.

The next few minutes passed with Donna toying with his fries and Josh pretending to watch TV. 

He finally turned back to look at her. “Donna?” he said quietly.

“Hmmm?” she said looking up from the fries.

“Are YOU sorry I came?”

Now it was her turn to be surprised. “No, of course not. I...” she swallowed.

He jumped in before she could say anything else. “Because I know you weren’t happy when I showed up with Mike in Pennsylvania and I sort of forced you to take me with you.”

“The only reason I was upset to see you with Mike was because I was worried about you,” she told him. “I didn’t want anything to happen to you.” 

“You still haven’t answered my question,” he said gently.

Donna considered going with a simple, easy answer, but she felt like she had to be honest with him. “I’m sorry that you’re in danger because of me and I’m sorry you got shot.” She stared at him. “But I’m not sorry you came.”

Reaching across the table, she took his hand. “I don’t think I could do this if you weren’t here.” 

“I’m glad you don’t have to find out.” He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand in what was turning out to be a remarkably intimate moment between them. “I don’t ever want you to be alone again, Donna.”

They stared at each other for a moment and something stirred in the air between them. The same something that always stirred when they had a quiet moment together and took more than two seconds to look at each other. Something deep and abiding and often hot enough to burn through steel.

The problem was that neither of them had been very good at romantic relationships and the prospect of exposing their true feelings and having it possibly destroy their friendship terrified them. Not to mention the fact that they each thought there was no way that the other one could feel the same way.

On occasions like these, it was usually a toss up to see who flinched first and this time it was Donna as she released Josh’s hand and started to busy herself with picking up the remnants of their dinner. 

“Well, I think I’ll take a shower,” she said as she threw the trash away. 

“Okay, I’m going to finish watching the news,” he replied. “I’ll take a shower after you’re done.” 

“All right, I’ll try not to take too long,” she told him with a nod as she retreated into the bathroom.

Josh sat there staring at the closed bathroom door. He felt an acute stab of disappointment that the moment had ended so quickly. There was so much he wanted to say, but he just didn’t know how or even if he should. Given the fact that things between them had just started getting back on track, it probably wasn’t the best time.

Then again, he wondered, when exactly was the right time to tell your beautiful, smart, and amazing, not to mention sexy-as-hell ex-assistant that you were in love with her?


	18. Chances

Chapter 18

The next day they drove into Arizona, stopping first in Holbrook and then following a scenic route down into the central part of the state where they stopped in the small town of Show Low for the night. 

As luck would have it, the answer to their more permanent housing question did present itself while they were there in Show Low. The next morning they were on their way out of the store after restocking their supplies when they stopped to look at a large display of properties for rent and for sale in the general area.

One rental listing in particular caught Donna’s eye. It was for a secluded two bedroom furnished house on 120 acres and appeared to have nearly every available amenity. It was outside the tiny town of Snowflake, which was about an hour away.

Although it didn’t list a rental price, Josh agreed that the listing looked good so she jotted down the phone number and then used a nearby pay phone to call and make an appointment to see it that afternoon. After running a few more errands, they drove into Snowflake to get some lunch and see what the town was like before they went to the appointment.

It was a small town, but seemed to have most of the basics. A library, a town hall, a park, a high school, a combined elementary and middle school, gas stations, one movie theater, various shops and restaurants, and two grocery stores, including the smaller of the two, the Snowflake General Store, where they were supposed to meet the man who was going to show them the property.

“Hey, Josh, do you know why they call it Snowflake?” she asked as he parked the car in front of the General Store.

He watched her flip through a small brochure she’d picked up in Show Low. “Well, I assume it’s because they get a lot of snow here in the winter time, Donnatella.”

“Yes, I can see why you might make that assumption, but that’s not it. Not only do they get very little snow here, it was named for two early Mormon leaders who originally settled the town, Mr. Erastus Snow and Mr. William Jordan Flake,” she told him with a little grin.

“So you’re saying that the town was actually named for a Mr. Snow and a Mr. Flake?”

“Yep.”

He looked at her dubiously, then gave her a little grin. “You’re making that up.”

“No, I’m not, I swear,” she said smiling back at him. “It’s right here in this brochure.”

“Come on, trivia girl,” he said. “Let’s go inside.”

Climbing out of the car, they walked into the quaint and apparently well-stocked store and found a man behind the main counter sorting through boxes of what seemed to be a newly arrived shipment. He was a tall, heavy-set man with snowy white hair and a kind face.

They had agreed that Donna would take point in dealing with the rental agent and Josh would be the back up. Just to make sure that no one saw the weakness in his arm, Josh had taken off his sling.

“Hello, folks,” the man said, straightening up stiffly from the box he was bending over as he greeted them pleasantly.

“Hello,” Donna said with a smile. “We were looking for Harry Wilkins.”

“I’m Harry,” he said with a nice smile. “Are you the Parkers?”

“Yes, I’m Patricia Parker and this is my husband Daniel. But most people just call us Patty and Dan.”

“Good to meet you both,” Harry said shaking both their hands. “So you’re interested in the Benson place?”

“Yes, but I was wondering how much it rents for?” Donna asked. “The ad didn’t say.” Their semi-limited finances were an issue so Donna didn’t want to get her hopes up if they couldn’t afford it.

“It rents for $500 a month with an additional $500 deposit. Oh, but you have to pay your own utilities.”

“Is that all?” she asked in surprise. The rent on her tiny apartment in D.C. was more than that. “I mean, we’re from Denver and rents there aren’t nearly so cheap. Especially for a two bedroom house on 120 acres.”

Harry scratched idly at the side of his neck. “Well, ma’am this is a small town. Cost of living is low here. Some think $500 a month is high, especially in the summer which is more of an off season for us. The property’s also out from town quite a bit, it will take us about 30 minutes to get out there. When I had them put that the property was secluded, I wasn’t kidding. All the lots out there are like that. Most are sold in multiples of 40 acre parcels.”

Donna glanced at Josh with a little smile. “Sounds perfect.”

Harry looked at the two of them for a moment. “I have to warn you, the last 20 miles back to the house is all dirt roads.”

“Dirt roads?” Josh asked incredulously.

“Yes, sir,” Harry told him. “Does your car have four wheel drive? You don’t have to have it, but if it rains it sure does help. Some of those roads turn into gullies real quick.”

“Yes, it has four wheel drive,” Donna answered not letting that dampen her enthusiasm.

“Okay, well, if I haven’t scared you off by now, I guess we should go out there. Let me just lock up here and you can follow me over there. I’ll meet you around front.”

The two of them walked out of the store and he locked the door behind them, put up a closed sign and disappeared back into the store.

“Dirt roads?” Josh said skeptically.

“We wanted someplace secluded,” she replied quietly. “The least we can do is look.”

Josh sighed, he could hardly deny her something she was showing so much interest in. “Okay, you’re right, I guess it couldn’t hurt to see it.”

“Why don’t you let me drive out there?” Donna suggested. “You drove over here from Show Low and I know your arm is probably tired.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” he agreed. “It is a little sore.”

Just then, Harry walked out from behind the store with some papers in his hand. “I’ll let you follow me, but I thought this might help too,” he said handing a couple of the papers to Donna. “One is a map. The dirt roads aren’t really marked and it’s easy to get turned around. For the most part you’ll have to go by the landmarks and the mileage markers I’ve put down on there. The other couple of pages are some more information about the house and the property.”

“Thank you, Mr. Wilkins,” Donna said.

“Please, none of that ‘Mr.’ stuff, folks around here just know me as Harry.”

“Thanks, Harry,” she said with a warm smile.

“Well, if you folks are ready, let’s get a move on. The blue pick-up there is mine, so just keep me in sight and we should be there in no time.”

They seemed to drive forever, first on a smooth two lane blacktop and then on a long series of often narrow, single-laned dirt roads. The land in that area had a lot of scrub pine and low bushes and the soil was very red, indicating a high clay content. 

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Josh asked as they drove down a particularly long, desolate stretch.

Donna glanced over at him. “That this is the part of the movie where we pull over, he kills us, buries our bodies in the desert and no one ever hears from us again?”

“That’s the one,” he said. “Good, I thought it was just me. I didn’t want to say anything because...well, you know.”

“No, I was thinking exactly the same thing,” she replied, with what she hoped was a confident little smile of her own. It was kind of creepy being so far out in the wilderness. They were both city people for the most part and being surrounded by this much... nature was a little disconcerting.

They were both quiet as they continued down what could only be charitably called the road. “I guess we have to trust someone, sometime,” Donna added with more confidence than she actually felt.

“Don’t worry,” Josh said trying to reassure her. “I’ll be sure to take my bag when we get out. I’ve got the gun in it if anything happens. He’s just one guy and he’s not Stone so we should be able to handle him if it comes to that.”

Donna nodded. “I just hope it doesn’t come to that,” she said quietly. “I kind of like him. He reminds me of my grandpa.” She paused. “And I’m tired of being suspicious of everyone.”

“Yeah,” Josh agreed as he laid his hand on her shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze. “I know. But we haven’t really had much of a choice. Let’s hope Mr. Harry Wilkins doesn’t disappoint us.” 

They made another in a series of turns and were now on a very narrow dirt road. Although it was relatively flat, it was a somewhat overgrown and they could tell it hadn’t been traveled much recently. Passing through a wide metal gate they headed up over a small hill. As they crested the rise, suddenly the long, bumpy ride didn’t seem to matter so much. 

A small beautiful valley opened before them with shallow hills running off into the distance. Scrub pine and various other plants including long thin grasses swayed in a slight breeze. And down in the center, just to the left of the road stood a surprisingly good sized log house with an attached four car garage. 

“Wow,” Donna said. “This is nicer than I expected. There was a picture of the house in the ad, but it didn’t seem this big or this nice.”

“Yeah,” Josh agreed a little surprised himself. “It is nice.”

The road curved down and made a wide loop around the house. Harry parked near the front door and they parked behind him and climbed out.

“Well, what do you think so far?” Harry asked them.

“It’s great,” Donna replied. “But why would anyone build such a nice house way out here?”

“Well, ma’am, folks like the Bensons wanted some space and some privacy but they certainly didn’t want to have to live in a shack to get it.”

“Why aren’t they living here now?”

“They moved back east to be near their son and his family but didn’t want to sell the place. They asked me if I could look after the place and maybe rent it out because they could use the income.” He scratched at his chin. “You’re the first renters we’ve had though. Not many people want to rent a place so far out from things.”

Donna smiled. “Well, it looks perfect to me so far.”

“Good, why don’t we go inside and I’ll let you see the rest.”

He unlocked the front door and let them in. It was a rustic, but beautifully furnished home, done mostly in natural woods and stone with hardwood floors throughout. The first floor was divided into two areas. A great room that was a large fully modern kitchen, a living room with a huge fireplace and dining room in one huge open space, and a den/spare bedroom with an adjoining bathroom.

Off the kitchen area a door led through a butler’s pantry and into the garage where there was a full laundry area complete with washer and dryer. From there they headed up to the second level where the main bedroom was located.

It was more an enormous loft than a full second story but it ran the entire length and width of the house and the garage. A beautiful king-sized pine sleigh dominated the room, and windows ran along both sides. With the position of the house, Donna was pretty sure that lying in bed, you’d be able to watch the sunrise in one set of windows in the morning and then watch the sunset in the other window in the evening. 

Walking through the bedroom they passed through an incredibly spacious walk-in closet and into an awe-inspiring bathroom that was almost as large as the kitchen downstairs.

“This is amazing,” Donna murmured.

Even Josh was impressed.

“Well, what do you folks think?”

“Could you give us just a minute?” Donna asked him.

“Sure, take your time. I’ll be downstairs,” Harry said.

Donna waited until she thought he was out of earshot. “Well, what do you think?” she asked.

He gave her a little grin. “I don’t suppose I have to ask if you like it, it’s practically written on your forehead.”

“I do, Josh, I really like it,” she replied. “Plus, did you notice that with all the windows we can pretty much see all around the outside of the house? It would be pretty hard for anyone to sneak up on us.” she said pointing out one of the many windows. “You can even see if someone is coming up the road.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” he said. “And that kitchen and pantry is big enough that once we got it stocked, we’d probably hardly ever have to leave the house to get supplies.” He looked out the window. “Better yet, we’ll probably survive any nuclear attack the Russians or the Chinese might launch, seeing as how we’re out here in the middle of nowhere,” he joked.

“Josh, this is not the middle of nowhere,” Donna insisted as she looked out the window with him and pointed. “See, right over there, if I’m not mistaken that’s nowhere over on the next ridge.”

Turning his head he smirked at her. “So what you’re saying is, while this isn’t nowhere, we can see nowhere from here?”

“Exactly.” She was practically dancing in place now. “So...?”

“Well...” he hedged if for no other reason than to tease her.

“Please?” she said with a little pout.

“Save your pout, you don’t have to beg. I like it too.”

“Really? You’re not just saying that?”

“No, I’m not just saying that. I really like it.”

Before she even thought about it, Donna threw her arms around him and hugged him. “Thanks, Josh.” Then she pulled back suddenly when she realized what she was doing. “Oh, God, I’m sorry, did I hurt your arm?”

His arm had twinged a bit, but it had been worth it for the hug. “Nah, I’m tougher than I look.”

“So I can tell him that we’ll take it?” she said taking a step back to put just a little bit of space between them.

“Yeah, I just hope he doesn’t get suspicious and think we’re bank robbers or something when we pay him almost $1000 in cash for the first months rent and the deposit.”

Donna frowned. “What should we tell him about that? We definitely don’t want him getting suspicious or thinking we’ve got piles of cash.”

“Well, if he asks we’ll tell him we’re on an extended vacation and the money is our vacation money. But let’s get it out before we go back downstairs so he doesn’t see the rest of it.”

“Good idea.” 

They set Josh’s backpack on the bathroom counter and transferred $1500 to Donna’s purse.

“How much does that leave us?” Josh asked her.

“About $9100.”

“Hmmm, well, depending on how much it costs to get the utilities hooked up and to lay in supplies, we may need to have Mike send us some more,” he said. “Speaking of Mike I wonder how the cell phone reception is out here.“ He pulled out one of the phones and switched it on. “Just as I thought, no reception.”

Donna frowned. “What if we have an emergency and we need to get a hold of him?”

“Well...we will have a regular phone so at least we could call the sheriff or 911 or something. If we need to use the cell phones, I guess we’ll have to find somewhere we do get reception. I assume we’ll be able to get a signal in town.”

“I hope so,” Donna said.

“Does that change your mind about staying here? If you’d feel more comfortable, we can look for someplace closer to town.”

She considered that. “No, I guess not,” she said hesitantly. “If we’ve ditched the bad guys then we have nothing to worry about and if we haven’t...well, we’ll just have to prepare as much as we can and then cross that bridge when we come to it.” 

“Yeah, I guess we can’t do more than that at this point,” Josh conceded. “Come on, let’s go down and tell him he’s got a deal.”

They followed Harry back to town and signed a rental agreement. He didn’t even raise an eyebrow when they paid him cash. Without ceremony, he handed them the keys to the their new temporary home. 

Driving back into town, they used his phone at the store to call all the utility companies. The cable and the electricity would be turned on the next day but the phone would take a couple of days. All three of them would require a small deposit, but it would be added to their first bill. Since the house was so remote it didn’t get any mail so they signed up for a P.O. box at the post office so they’d have someplace for the bills to be sent. 

Deciding that they didn’t want to stay in a hotel another day, they stocked up on candles and some extra food from Harry’s store and they headed back out to the house. Using the map they managed to only take one wrong turn and they got back to the house just before dark.

Parking the car in the garage, they ate a quick dinner and after making up the bed with the sheets they found in the linen closet, they turned in for the night. Since they kept with the habit of sleep in the same bed, the night passed without Donna having any nightmares. 

The next morning they got in the car and headed back into town for more supplies. They started at the hardware store and bought a strong lock box. In it, they planned to put the rest of the money, the fake I.D.s and the other stuff Mike had sent them.

Then, because the electricity was being turned on that morning and they’d have a working refrigerator/freezer, they went to the larger grocery store in town and stocked up on every conceivable thing they might need. By the time they were done, they had two carts full of groceries.

The next week was spent settling into the new house and learning how everything worked. Donna loved not having to have a bag of coins to do their laundry and they both appreciated not having to move around all the time. They also spent time just relaxing for a change, taking walks on the property, watching TV, reading from the extensive collection of books in the den and cooking, Donna even tried her hand at baking twice with surprising success. 

To keep up on what was going on back in D.C., Josh, using the desktop computer in the house, rather than his laptop and using yet another alias that Mike had given them, had signed up to receive the online version of the Washington Post.

Given their hectic life both in D.C. and since they’d been on the run, they both expected to be bored stiff pretty quickly, but oddly, after all they’d been through they both welcomed the chance for a little peace, quiet and stability. 

While they were still vigilant about regularly scanning the area around the house and had installed more of the small sensors at every door and window, during those first days in the house they both started sleeping better and got less jumpy.

But everything changed, the following week.

Not because of Stone or anyone associated with him, but because of something Donna initially saw on TV.

It was Sunday morning of Memorial Day weekend and as their body clocks were still on D.C. time they were both in the habit of getting up fairly early. Josh woke up about 5:30, made a pot of coffee and taking a cup, went into the den to fire up the computer and read the Sunday edition of the Washington Post.

Donna got up about a half hour later, took a shower and went downstairs to make them some breakfast.

She stopped in the doorway of the den. “Josh? You want scrambled eggs for breakfast?”

He looked up from the computer. For some odd reason he felt the spit dry up in his mouth. She made quite the picture in a white terry cloth robe, bare feet and damp hair from her shower. His brain seemed to be fascinated with the question of what she was...or was not wearing under the robe.

“Josh?” she said again. He was giving her the most intense look and something about it made her want to blush.

“Um, what?” he said shaking himself.

“Breakfast?” she reminded him. “Are scrambled eggs okay?”

“Oh...yeah, that’d be great. You want some help?”

“No, I got it. Finish reading the paper,” she told him. “Anything exciting going on in the world?”

“Not really. The Speaker’s trying to stonewall us again on the President’s stimulus package, but that’s nothing new. Oh, and Sarge was screaming at Beetle Bailey and Hagar and Broom Hilda had an argument.”

“Also nothing new,” she said with a smirk. “You know, Joshua, you’d get more people to think you were Mr. Tough Politician if you didn’t include summaries of the Sunday comics in your briefings.”

“Just trying to be thorough, Donnatella.” 

She grinned at that and it made him happy to see that in the week they’d been there some of the tension and fear had faded from her eyes. All things considered, things between them had gotten back to normal.

“Okay, well, leave it up on the computer when you’re done,” she told him. “I want to read it after breakfast.”

“Sure thing,” he said forcing his eyes to go back to the screen. 

When he heard the rustle of her robe as she turned, he glanced up again and allowed himself the luxury of watching her walk toward the kitchen. Her backside swayed rather provocatively under her robe.

“Okay, Josh, time to get a grip,” he muttered as he went back to reading.

Donna walked into the kitchen and pulled out everything she’d need to make breakfast. Pouring herself a cup of coffee she added some sugar to it and switched on the small kitchen TV and turned it to MSNBC.

The banner headline at the bottom of the screen got her immediate attention.

BREAKING NEWS - BOMB EXPLODES AT EREZ CHECKPOINT, GAZA STRIP

Watching the image of a twisted and still smoldering black Suburban resting on it’s roof, she stood there with growing horror as she listened to the broadcaster detail the fact that the vehicle, one of three belonging to the CODEL, had been blown up by a roadside bomb. They went on to say that although there were fatalities, it was unknown who or how many.

The mug slipped from her limp fingers and smashed on the floor at her feet.

“Donna?” Josh called when he heard the crash. “You okay in there?”

“JOSH!” 

That was all he needed to hear. Like a shot he was up and running into the kitchen, braced for an attack. He saw the broken mug still lying at her feet.

“What is it?” he said a little breathlessly. “Are you okay?” 

When she didn’t answer he looked at her again and saw the stricken look on her face as she watched the TV.

He laid a hand gently on her arm. “Donna, what is it?” 

“Look,” she said pointing at the TV.

One look told him what had her so upset. “Oh, no,” he murmured. “Did they say who was injured?”

“No, just that it was a roadside bomb and there were some fatalities.”

“Toby must be worried sick,” Josh said. “I hope Andi’s okay.”

“Wait! Look, there she is!” Donna exclaimed.

“Where?”

“There on the right side of the screen by the car. She’s talking on a cell phone. Oh, now she’s waving at the camera.”

“Thank God, I’ll bet she’s talking to Toby on the cell. Come on, let’s watch it on the big TV,” he said, tugging on her arm.

“Okay...oh,” she said realizing for the first time she was standing in a pool of now cold coffee. “Let me just clean this up and I’ll be there in a just a second.”

“All right,” Josh headed off and she heard him switch on the big TV in the living room area. 

Still keeping one eye on the small TV, Donna quickly cleaned up the smashed mug and then joined him.

They watched together as CJ did her press briefing and announced that Congressmen Thomas Korb and Daniel DeSantos had been killed. Then on a slightly later newscast they got the news that Admiral Fitzwallace was also dead.

“Leo and the President must be devastated,” Josh said. “They were both very fond of Fitz.”

The two of them remained glued to the TV for the rest of the day and into the next, watching the almost continuous coverage of the bombing and the President’s address to the nation. As it turned out, everyone in the car eventually died, including James Holtman, a 26-year old legal aid to Congressman DeSantos; Jack Sosa, the assistant White House press secretary for domestic policy that CJ had sent on the CODEL to help with press briefings; and the Israeli driver of the Suburban.

From there things seemed to take a downward turn both in the government and between Josh and Donna.

The country and Congress was screaming for the President to launch some kind of retaliatory strike against the Palestinians, but he was calling for a diplomatic solution. When the Israeli/Palestinian/US peace talks were announced at Camp David in a few days, the country was torn. They wanted their pound of flesh for the killing of US citizens, but it was plain to see that finding a more permanent solution to the Palestinian/Israeli conflict was something that was worth exploring. 

Josh and Donna both recognized how important such talks would be...and how difficult it would be to find a lasting peace for a conflict that had its roots in centuries old conflicts.

Josh was like a caged tiger. He rarely slept, nearly paced a hole in the floor in front of the TV, sometimes locked himself up in the den where there was also a TV until all hours of the day and night. He grew snappish and short tempered and so Donna tiptoed around him and tried to avoid him as much as possible while still trying to take care of him and get him to eat once in a while.

For the most part, Donna was left to her own devices and the old issues she’d struggled with since the whole thing with Amy had started, began to creep back into her mind, including the fear and growing paranoia that Stone or his associates might still find some way to locate them. 

Of course, the thoughts that occupied her mind the most concerned Josh.

Despite what he’d told her previously and although he’d said nothing, she knew Josh wanted desperately to be back in D.C. and involved with what was going on. Being part of what were historic peace talks would mean everything to him. Once again she felt like some albatross around his neck. She also worried that with all the stress he was under he was coming closer to another PTSD attack.

Now that he rarely slept, or if he did, he slept in the den or on the couch in front of one of the TVs which ran almost continually now, Donna slept alone in the large bed upstairs. 

Her nightmares returned in full force. This time though, they weren’t screaming nightmares with spider-like Stones and armies of dead Sandovals. In them, Josh was usually just slipping away from her and she’d wake up crying in sweat-soaked sheets. 

The one she had the most was of her standing on one side of a busy D.C. street and Josh standing on the other. He’d begin to walk toward her, hurrying across the street to get to her and she’d see a truck come barreling down the road toward him. She’d try to warn him but found herself in a soundproof glass booth. She’d scream and beat on the glass to try and warn him but it never did any good. The truck would strike him and throw him dead at her feet and she knew without a doubt it was her fault he was dead.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, the end of the dream always tormented something deep inside her. The box she was in would disappear and she would find herself kneeling beside him. His eyes would open and he’d look at her quizzically. Then in that terrible gurgling way she’d heard from Amy after she’d been shot, he’d say...

“You don’t even look like my Donna.”

It was at that point that she woke-up every time.

However, the nightmare that terrified her the most was one she had only had once and it had been so horrible her mind had simply refused to remember any of it. She’d simply woken-up to find herself, sitting in the corner of the closet, terrified on an almost primal level and sobbing for no reason that she understood.

As the news from the peace talks became more promising, Josh’s mood seemed to lift a bit and he realized how badly he’d treated Donna and had apologized to her for being so snappish and difficult. Then, when the peace talks were declared a rousing success, he’d actually made her dinner and that night he’d slept in bed with her for the first time in a week. It was the first decent night’s sleep she’d had in that time and Donna had held onto the hope that things might get better between them again.

That hope was dashed, when his mood crashed again when they heard the news that Leo had suffered a heart attack at Camp David and had been rushed to the hospital. 

The difference was, this time he wasn’t snappish and short-tempered. He was silent and withdrawn and Donna didn’t know which one was worse. He also started sleeping on the couch again.

The news about Leo’s heart attack and Josh’s downward spiraling mood were what finally made her realize she had to take action. 

Josh was clearly unhappy, and she knew better than anyone that he needed to be back in D.C. with Leo, who he thought of like a second father, but he would never go as long as she were there. As much as the idea hurt her, she realized that the only way to get him to go back to D.C. was for her to leave.

It would be better for him back in D.C. anyway, she knew. Mike and the President could find some way to keep him safe and they could bring Stanley in to help him as she obviously hadn’t been able to. He’d be chief of staff, at least until Leo got better, and he’d be the man he was supposed to be...the man he was destined to be.

Besides, she was the one Stone was really looking for. If she left some bread crumbs for him to find, he’d stick to her trail and leave Josh alone.

Over the next two days, she carefully prepared. She divided the rest of their money and packed half of it along with the gun and two fake I.D.s that Mike had sent for her. Then she collected some small stores of food and water and packed only a few clothes so Josh wouldn’t notice a lot of her clothes missing. While Josh was in the den that afternoon, she stashed her things out in the empty clothes dryer in the garage. 

Then she locked herself in the master bathroom and looked at the map to plan out where she would go and how she would get there.

Going at night and leaving Josh the car, she’d follow the dirt roads and walk back out to the main road. Then somehow she’d walk or find someone to take her to the town of Concho that was even smaller than Snowflake but in the other direction. From there she’d find a bus or something that would take her out of Arizona. She planned to go west into Nevada and then north into Oregon. With all the trees, Oregon seemed like an easy place to disappear into.

The final thing she had left to do was write him a note. If she just left, she knew he’d think Stone had gotten to her. She had to make it clear that she hadn’t been snatched and that he needed to go back to D.C. 

About midnight, she crept downstairs she saw that Josh was indeed asleep on the couch. Her first choice was to leave the note on the coffee table in front of him, but she was afraid she might make some noise and wake him up if she got that close. If he saw the note before she was ready, all would be lost. She settled instead for taping the note to the coffee maker where he was likely to see it in the morning.

Unable to keep herself from looking at him one last time, she stood at the foot of the sofa and watched him sleep in the careless way he had, with silent tears running down her face. 

He was so important to her. So much of him, of what they’d shared as friends and boss/assistant and however else you could define their indefinable relationship, was part of her. She’d seen so much of the world, good and bad, with him and through him and it was incomprehensible that she might not see him again.

Even if she survived this thing with Stone, she knew he would likely never speak to her again. He didn’t take abandonment well, even if it were for the best. 

She tried to fix that moment in her mind, the last moment she would have with him like this. “I love you,” she whispered. “Be happy.”

With that she turned, hurried through the kitchen and out into the garage to retrieve her things from the dryer.

Leaving through the garage side door, she stepped out into the night and immediately felt light raindrops falling on her head and shoulders.

“Oh, come on…” she muttered in disbelief. “This is not happening.”

Looking up, she saw heavy clouds obscuring the stars and had to fight down the hysterical laughter that threatened to bubble up in her. With all her planning, she hadn’t thought to check the weather. Why bother? They were in the Arizona desert, and it never rained in the desert, right? 

‘I suppose I should be thankful that there’s no lightning and thunder,’ she thought.

Well, there wasn’t much she could do about it then and she couldn’t turn back. She had to go forward. Opening her duffle bag, she shoved her purse inside and pulled out her windbreaker and slipped it on. It was only semi-water proof and had no hood, but it was better than nothing. She was just glad it was May and the rain was warm. 

Then there was the fact that the rain would also hide the tears that were still streaming down her face as she set off into the night.

**********

Josh sat up and rubbed his eyes. Glancing at the clock he saw it was a little after 2 am.

Damn. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep on the couch again. He’d meant to make it upstairs. The last week and a half had just sent him into such a tail spin. First with the mess in Gaza and then the peace talks and now Leo. Even though this is where he wanted to be...where he needed to be, it had been so frustrating for him not to be back in D.C.

In addition to being a selfish bastard to her, he knew he’d been letting Donna down and even though she hadn’t said anything he suspected that she wasn’t sleeping well again. All of which was why he’d decided to get himself together and make a concerted effort be there for her.

Climbing off the couch, he stumbled into the kitchen for a drink of water before going upstairs. Blinking at the coffee maker, he frowned at the folded piece of yellow paper taped to it with his name written on it.

Pulling it off the coffee maker, he unfolded it and started to read. He felt his heart sink into his shoes.

Josh

I know these last days have been difficult for you and although I tried, I’m sorry I haven’t been able to do more to help you. I also know that it’s killing you to not be in D.C. with Leo and in the midst of everything that’s going on. Which is why I’m telling you to take the car, drive to the nearest airport and go back to D.C. When you get there, I want your first call to be to Stanley Keyworth, I think you’ll agree that after everything that’s happened, you need to talk to him.

I want your second call to be to the President. I know that he’ll take you back. Between Mike and Ron Butterfield I’m sure they can keep you safe. It’s not you that Stone really wants anyway. 

You deserve more than to be my baby sitter and bodyguard, and it didn’t take me long to figure out that you wouldn’t leave if I was still here. I also know you would never willingly let me go, so I’m taking the decision out of your hands and leaving on my own. While there’s no denying that I need you, it’s nothing compared to the fact that the President needs you, Leo needs you and the country needs you. That’s where your heart lies and that’s where you should be.

There’s no way that I can convey to you in a letter how much you’ve meant to me...to my life. Just know that when I said I wanted ‘more’, the ‘more’ I really wanted and have wanted for 7 years has nothing to do with work. It has to do with you and it’s the one thing I can never have.

Take care of yourself and please don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. 

Donna

Josh stood there filled with anger. At himself and her. He had no idea this was coming and that showed him just how self-absorbed and out of it he’d been. But how could she just leave like this? Without even talking to him? 

Well, there was no way he was letting her go without a fight. He just hoped he could find her. 

Grabbing the car keys, he jumped into the car and drove out into the rainy night.


	19. Chances

Chapter 19

“Where the hell is she?” Josh grumbled. 

He was almost halfway back out to the main road and he still hadn’t seen her. Even though he didn’t know what time she’d left the house, he didn’t see how she could have gotten that far in all this rain and it was raining a...LOT. He didn’t know they could have monsoon rain like this in the middle of freakin’ Arizona. The roads had turned into one big mud puddle, often blurring where the road ended and the shoulder began. There were even times when the rain had been coming down so hard, it was easier for him to see if he stuck his head out the window.

He couldn’t believe that she’d left in the dead of night like this. She had to be pretty desperate to pull something like this. He had no idea that she had been this upset. Of course, he’d had his head up his ass for the last week or two and it had been hard for him to see much of anything.

Looking back over the last few days, he realized now that the exhausted and almost haunted look had come back into her eyes for the first time since they’d left Tucumcari. He wondered if she really had been having nightmares and trouble sleeping again. If so, that was something that was squarely on his shoulders.

And what the hell did she mean by “the more” she wanted for seven years had to do with him…but not work?” Could she really mean what he thought she meant?

He had to find her.

Just then he had a terrible thought. What if she was hiding from him? He could have driven right past her already. 

Or worse yet, what if she was hurt? 

If she’d crawled away into some bushes he’d never find her. Not to mention the fact that he’d driven through two areas of the road that were now more river bed than road. He’d heard that even a small amount of rain could easily cause flash floods in the desert. What if she’d been swept away by one?

Maybe he should turn around and head back toward the house to see if he’d missed something. Then again, maybe he should go all the way out to the main road and then come back. Indecision tore at him.

“Dammit, Donna!” he said, slamming his hand against the wheel. “Where the hell are you?!”

Coming over a small rise, the road, such as it was, flattened and straightened out. At least the part of it he could see, with the clouds it was pitch black outside and anything beyond the reach of the headlights was only a guess.

Then he blinked. What was that? There, up ahead in the middle of the road just coming into view. It was a spot of blue. It was so hard to see what it was with the rain pounding on the windshield. Stopping the car, he opened the door, stood on the running board and looked over the hood of the car.

It was a jacket. Someone walking down the road in a blue jacket. It looked just like the one Donna had bought in New Mexico. His heart began to pound as he realized it was her.

“DONNA?!!!” he screamed as he slammed the car door and headed toward her. 

Like a startled deer he saw her head snap around, her face catch in the car’s headlights and look stark against the night. As he watched, she dropped her bag and took off running across an open field.

“DONNA!!! NO!! STOP, IT’S ME!!” he yelled as he broke into a run and took out after her as the two of them ran blindly into the night.

Although she was giving it her all, Josh was faster and it wasn’t hard for him to overtake her. Rather than trying something that might be less effective, he simply tackled her to the ground and sent them sprawling into the mud.

They wrestled around in the mud for a few minutes as she struggled to get away from him. Luckily, in the weeks they’d been at the house, his arm had regained most of its strength and only hurt when he overworked it. If he’d been limited to one hand, she might have managed to slither away from him.

“Let me go!” she grunted.

“Donna, stop it!!!” 

Josh finally got her flat or mostly flat on her back and throwing his leg over her, he straddled her hips to hold her down.

“LET ME GO!” she yelled.

“No! I’m not going to let you go! Stop fighting me!”

Now that they were down and he was blocking her from any light from the headlights, he couldn’t see her all that well, but he felt her fists pummeling his thighs and torso and her legs kicking wildly behind him as she tried to dislodge him.

“Get off of me, you big bully!”

“Donna...oof,” he said as she managed to get in a good shot to his stomach, but he remained firmly in place. 

“Let go!!”

“No...now stop it!!” Grabbing first one wrist and then the other, he pinned her hands up by her head, but he felt her body still trying to fight. 

“NO!”

“I said STOP IT!!” he told her pushing her arms down even tighter to emphasize his point.

They both lay there for a moment, breathing hard and fast from the exertion. In the dark, with the rain pouring over them, they stared at each other. This new position also brought their faces within a foot or two of each other.

“Why did you run from me?!” he asked her.

She struggled against him as much as she could. “I knew that you’d try and stop me.”

“You’re damn right, I’d try to stop you! What the hell are you doing running around out here in the dark?”

Donna had to face the fact that he had her good and pinned and it infuriated her. She didn’t want to answer him and decided it would be easier to keep fighting. “Josh, get the hell off me!”

Physically, Josh knew he had the upper hand and he planned to take advantage of her immobility. “How long have you been planning to ditch me, Donna?!” he said, having to yell just to be heard over the rain. “What happened to all that crap you said about not being able to do this alone? Was that all bullshit? Were you just waiting until I wasn’t looking?”

His words surprised and hurt her a little. The fight went out of her body and she lay still. “It wasn’t bullshit. I meant every word I said.”

He was suspicious of her sudden acquiescence, so he continued to hold onto her tightly. “Then WHY did you ditch me?” he repeated.

“I didn’t DITCH you.” 

“Then what the hell are we doing out here in the middle of the night in an apocalyptic rain storm?!” 

“YOU weren’t supposed to be out here at all!” she snapped. “YOU were supposed to be back at the house sleeping until morning.”

“Well, I’m sorry if I ruined your little plan,” he spat back.

“Why did you have to come after me?” she demanded. “Why couldn’t you just do what I said for once?!”

“Because you don’t get to dictate what I do or don’t do! I make my own decisions and forgive me for being fucking worried about you!”

Donna stared up at him. He was set in silhouette against the car’s distant headlights, but with his face not all that far from hers, she could feel his warm breath washing over her face. “You were worried about me?”

The rain had begun to slow by then and he might have laughed, but it was hard to tell. “Was I…? What kind of question is that? Of course, I was worried about you!”

She closed her eyes. There were so many things she wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come. When she did manage to speak, she was able to soften her voice now that the rain had quieted a bit. “Didn’t you see my note?”

“Yes, I saw your note and that’s another thing. Where do you get off leaving me some stupid note? If you’ve got a problem with me then you come right out and say it!”

“Well, you haven’t exactly been easy to talk to in the last two weeks!” she yelled.

He looked down at her. “I know and I’m sorry, but that doesn’t excuse you leaving in the middle of the night.”

“I…I didn’t think you’d listen.”

“Well, I’m listening now, Donna.” There was more hurt than heat in his voice when he spoke next. “Why did you leave?”

“I think I explained it pretty well in my note,” she replied a little guiltily.

“Yeah, and I’m not buying it. There has to be more to it than that. I mean what did you think I’d do? Let you run off into the night, while I happily trot back to D.C. and hope that the President greets me like some wayward child?!” 

“Well…” she fumbled.

“I’ve told you over and over again that I’m where I want to be and I have no plans to go back to D.C. and leave you alone. What happened in Gaza and to Leo doesn’t change that.”

“But I know you’re worried about Leo,” she said.

“Of course I’m worried about Leo, but don’t you get it? I’m MORE worried about you.”

“Josh...”

“What I really don’t understand is after everything we’ve been through, do you really think that I care so little about you that I would let you just go off on your own?” 

“I didn’t think…”

“No, that much is obvious! What if Stone had found you? What would…?” he narrowed his eyes at her as he realized her intention. “You planned on letting him find you, didn’t you?”

She looked away from him. “I…not exactly.”

Josh swore. “Do you know what he told me…what he said he would do to you if…if…” he stopped before he let the ugly threats Stone had made at the diner slip out. “God, Donna, are you trying to kill yourself?”

“No, I’m just trying to keep you safe!!!” she blurted. “That’s all that matters to me!”

“You keep talking about protecting me, Donna, but who protects you?” he asked. “Who are you going to LET protect you? You’re so busy trying to protect everyone that you never think about yourself and you never think about how I’d feel if something happened to you.” 

“I never…”

He cut her off. “You want to know what I think?”

“Not especially,” she replied. “But I have a feeling you’re going to tell me anyway.”

“I think the real reason you left is because you’re scared and you’re running away. The question is, WHY are you running away…and from me of all people?” 

Donna felt her heart start beating hard and fast. Had he finally figured it out? Did he finally understand how she felt about him? Had he read the end of her note and put two and two together?

She was suddenly very aware that the position of their bodies was almost blatantly sexual. Or course, when wasn’t there some underlying sexual component to what they were doing?

“I…I have no idea what you’re talking about. Now let me up,” she said, starting to struggle again.

His hold on her remained steady. “Did I strike a nerve, Donna?”

“No, I’m just tired of having you hold me down in the mother of all mud puddles. What, are you going to steal my lunch money next?”

He ignored her comment. “Donna, what did you mean about wanting more from me and it having nothing to do with work?”

The pounding of her own heart filled her ears. “I…nothing, I didn’t mean anything, I wrote the note in a hurry, I must have left something out,” she said struggling harder.

“I don’t think so. I know a well thought out note when I read one. You meant every word. But it’s what you didn’t say that I’m more interested in,” he said. “Now, again, what did you mean about wanting more from me?” 

“Leave it to you to focus on that,” she grumbled.

“Tell, me.” 

Even though it was hopeless, she continued to fight. “Josh, dammit, let me up!”

“No.”

“Why not?!” she said as she shot him a glare.

“Because you haven’t answered my question.”

She crossed her arms. “I’m not having this conversation with you out here in the rain.”

“Fine, then we’re going back to the house to have it, but I swear Donna, we are having it.”

Before she could even form a reply, Josh climbed off her, but kept one of her wrists tightly gripped in his hand so she couldn’t go anywhere. He also used it to pull her up off the ground.

When he didn’t let go of her wrist once she was on her feet, she tried yanking her arm away. “Let go of my arm.”

“No,” he said simply as he turned and started walk to the car with her in tow. When he felt her pulling at his arm, he stopped and turned to admonish her, but frowned when he saw her wincing. “What’s wrong?”

She tried to muster up some dignity, but it was hard with Josh almost handcuffed to her and mud pretty much covering her entire body. 

“I...I twisted my ankle when I was running,” she tried to explain. “I can’t...it’s hard for me to walk that fast.”

He watched her for a moment. “Can you make it on your own? I don’t think my arm is quite up to carrying you yet.”

“Yes, I can make it,” she snapped. “Just don’t walk so fast.”

Still hanging onto her wrist, Josh slowed his pace for her and after stopping to pick up her duffle bag, they walked back to the car. Opening the end of the SUV he dumped her bag inside. In the light from the interior of the car they realized just how dirty they were.

“We’d better take off our clothes,” Donna said.

He stared at her in disbelief. Did she just say what he thought she’d said? “Donna if this is some attempt to distract me from the discussion we’re going to have...” 

“No, not ALL our clothes,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I mean just enough that we don’t get mud all over the inside of the car.” Unzipping her jacket, she started to peel it off. The t-shirt she wore underneath it was wet, but only a little spattered with mud so she decided to leave it on.

Josh stood there a little slack-jawed. His residual anger was shifting quickly into lust. Her t-shirt was white and although she was wearing a bra, she was cold and wet enough to have her nipples clearly visible and straining through the material. 

If Donna noticed his ogling, she gave no indication. “Hurry up Josh, I don’t feel like standing around in my underwear all night,” she said as she toed off her shoes and started taking off her jeans.

Somehow Josh managed to drag his eyes away from her long, perfect legs and get his brain working enough, to strip down to his boxers. They threw their muddy things in the back, climbed into the car and drove back to the house in a strained silence.

A hard rain had started up again and the roads were getting worse. Josh was glad Donna’d had the forethought to get them a vehicle with four wheel drive. He was very relieved when he finally pulled safely back into the garage. 

“I’m going to take a shower,” Donna announced as she climbed out. In addition to the fact that she was in desperate need of a shower, she needed a little distance from him, a little time to collect her thoughts. 

“Fine,” he replied, trying not to notice that she was still wearing nothing but a semi-wet t-shirt, bra, and what looked to be bikini underwear.

Moving slowly to favor her injured ankle, she started up the stairs, but paused when she saw him following her. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going upstairs.”

“I said I’m taking a shower, Josh.”

“I heard you the first time,” he told her calmly.

“Then why are you following me?”

“I’m not following you. I’m going to get something clean and dry out of the closet before I go back downstairs to take a shower in the other bathroom.” He brushed past her. “Is that all right with you?” he snapped as he continued up the stairs.

Guiltily, she followed him upstairs and limped into the closet to find him pulling out clean boxers and a pair of sweats. 

“Josh...um, I’m sorry,” she muttered.

“You know not everything is about you, Donna,” he said as he stormed out. 

Donna watched him walk out. ‘Well, this night just gets better and better,’ she thought.

With a tired sigh, she stripped off the t-shirt and her wet underwear, grabbed her robe and stepped into the shower. 

As the hot water washed away the mud and the chill from the rain, Donna rolled things over in her mind.

Okay, so maybe she hadn’t planned all that well for her little excursion. Oh, who was she kidding? It had been a disaster from the start. In hindsight, she was probably lucky all she’d done was twist her ankle. With the way things had been going if she’d been out there much longer she probably would have been bitten by a snake or fallen into some ditch and hit her head or been run over by a car or murdered by some desert hillbilly family with no teeth and a large chain saw collection. 

She leaned against the cool shower wall and stared up at the ceiling. ‘Why couldn’t tonight have gone better?’ she wondered silently as she felt some angry tears mix with the hot water. ‘I was trying to do the right thing. Don’t I get any points for that? Where’s my guardian angel when I need him?’

As she turned off the water a small voice deep inside her that she chose to ignore whispered the answer.

‘He’s downstairs taking a shower.’

Josh was downstairs trying to get a reign on his temper. If he was angry he would start yelling and that wouldn’t help things at all. After locking up the house, he climbed into the shower. It was clear that Donna was unrepentant about taking off like she did and he was pretty sure she was going to resist finishing their talk. 

Well, he always did like a challenge. 

Because there was no way that either of them were getting any sleep until they had it out.

Stepping out of the shower, Josh grabbed a towel and rubbed energetically at his hair. After he got dressed, he walked back upstairs and expected to find Donna still in the bathroom.

What he found was nothing but a wet shower and the damp towel she’d folded neatly over one of the towel racks.

And Donna was nowhere to be seen.

**********

Dressed in her robe, Donna limped into the dark pantry and pulled a bottle of water off one of the shelves. Removing the top, she took a long drink. 

She probably should have waited for Josh upstairs, but she needed just a few more minutes by herself. About the time she walked into the kitchen, she heard the downstairs bathroom door open and she went into the panty to get a bottle of water.

Okay, okay, so the truth was that she ducked into the pantry so Josh wouldn’t see her.

“DONNA?!!!” she heard him scream from upstairs.

She could have answered him, SHOULD have answered him, but she remained silent as she emerged from the pantry to stand in the kitchen. It was petty, she knew, but she couldn’t help it. 

While it was true that hiding from him like this would accomplish nothing but to piss him off, she actually thought that might be a good thing. Making him mad might be the only way to keep him from making her have the discussion he seemed so bent on them having.

Why did she have to write that stupid thing in her note about wanting more? 

‘Because you didn’t think you were going to see him again,’ came the mental reply that surprised her.

Just then she heard him pounding down the stairs and he entered the great room at a dead run. He stopped suddenly and almost stumbled when he saw her standing calmly in the kitchen.

“Oh, there you are,” he said, clearly relieved. “Didn’t you hear me call you?”

“Yes, but I didn’t think of it so much as calling as screaming so I chose not to answer,” Donna said taking another drink of her water.

“I figured you’d still be upstairs,” Josh said as he walked into the kitchen. “I was a little worried when I couldn’t find you.”

She forced herself not to notice how good he looked without a shirt on. “I wanted a drink of water, Josh. What, do I need permission to leave the room now?”

Josh could see she was spoiling for a fight. “No...of course not.”

“Then I’d appreciate it if you stopped treating me like a child,” she replied.

Not taking the bait that she was throwing out, he kept his voice calm and flat when he answered. “I will when you stop acting like one.”

Donna glared at him, but said nothing. 

“How’s your ankle?” he said, changing the subject.

She tucked her injured ankle behind the other one. “It’s fine.”

“Let me take a look at it,” he said kneeling down in front of her.

“You don’t need to look at it. It’s fine.” 

This wasn’t going at all like she planned. Why wasn’t he angry? She needed him to be angry and defensive, not compassionate. Compassionate Josh was something that broke through all her defenses.

“Donna,” he said in a firm voice that brooked no argument. “Let me see your ankle.”

She glared at him for a minute, but eventually moved her leg and held her ankle out to him. 

Josh tried not to notice how holding her ankle out for him made almost the entire smooth expanse of her leg slide out of the robe. It was pretty much a losing battle. Donna had amazing legs, long and lean just like the rest of her. As he ran his hands gently over her ankle, it seemed like the temperature in the room rose considerably. To keep his voice steady, he had to swallow and take a breath before he spoke. 

“It’s a little swollen. We should wrap it up. I think we’ve got a big enough Ace bandage with our first-aid stuff,” he said.

Donna had felt a charge go right through her as his hands had gently touched her skin. It made her feel like she was on even shakier ground than she already was.

“I don’t want you to wrap it,” she said. Even to her own ears she sounded petulant.

He looked up at her. “It would probably feel better and heal faster if we wrapped it.”

“I don’t want to wrap it,” she repeated. “I just want to get some sleep.”

The issue of her ankle set aside...for the moment, Josh stood up. “Yes, you’ve had quite a busy night, haven’t you? You must be tired,” he said with an edge to his voice. “So just when did you start having trouble sleeping again?”

She was blind-sided by the question and she blinked at him in surprise. “What...? How...? Why do you think that?”

“Because I can see it in your eyes,” he replied. “If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in what’s been going on in D.C. I would have seen it sooner. Actually, if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in what’s going on in D.C., it probably wouldn’t have happened in the first place.” He paused. “I’m sorry about that.”

Compassionate AND Repentant Josh was a hard combination to resist, but she was doing her best to lock him out. “Whatever, Josh,” she said. “Can’t we deal with this in the morning? I’m tired.”

He tried not to be stung by her lack of acknowledgement of his apology. 

“No,” he replied flatly. “Not until you promise me you won’t try and run away again.”

She wanted to promise him anything right then, just so he’d leave her alone, but she couldn’t bring herself to lie to him either and if she promised what he was asking, it would be a lie.

“You’re not my keeper, Josh, I don’t have to promise you anything. Now, I’m going to bed,” she announced.

Josh was disappointed in her answer and when she moved to walk past him, he blocked her path. “No, you’re not.”

“Why not?”

“Because if you won’t promise me that you’ll stick around, we still have the matter of the discussion that you don’t want to have.”

“Josh,” she whined. “I’m too tired for more discussion.”

“Too bad, because we’re having it anyway.”

She probably could have tried to force her way past him, but she knew he’d just follow her. So rather than trying to leave, Donna did a half turn away from him and shifted her position so was leaning against the large refrigerator and she was facing away from him.

“Fine then, you can have your stupid discussion...by yourself.”

Undeterred, Josh stepped around in front of her so she had to look at him. “You’re not getting out of it that easily, Donna.”

Donna realized her tactical error. Josh’s body was just close enough to brush against hers and she was basically pinned between him and the fridge. Just like when he’d been holding her down in the mud, she could feel his breath fanning over her face. This time though she also felt a heated blush spread through her body. It’s what always happened to her when he got this close.

“Why did you leave, Donna?” he said softly. “Why did you REALLY leave?”

She turned her head to the side to try and get a hold of her emotions. “I...I told you. So you’d go back to D.C.”

“Why else?” he pushed leaning in a bit closer. 

Her body strained to keep some distance between them. “I...nothing.”

“It’s okay,” he said, pressing his body more tightly to hers. “You can tell me.” 

No, she really couldn’t. God, he was close. She could feel his breath on the side of her face and her neck and she had to force her body not to tremble.

He could feel the fear...and just the hint of something else, coming off her in waves and in her silence he found an idea. Maybe their usual misdirection could be put to good use.

“It’s because you hate me, isn’t it?” He knew that wasn’t it, but he wanted to see what she’d say.

Her head snapped back to look at him and his face was only inches from hers. “What?” 

“You left because you hate me for everything that’s happened and because I’ve held you back and didn’t give you the more you wanted. In fact, I couldn’t even talk to you about it.”

“What?” she said again. “No, why would you think that?”

“What else am I supposed to think? Even now I can tell you can’t stand to be near me,” he said. “You’re whole body’s trying to pull away from me.”

“Oh, Josh, I could never hate you,” she said, forcing her body relax a little to emphasize her words. 

Something inside Josh relaxed too. What he’d read into the last part of her note was apparently just what she’d meant. Well...this was an interesting turn of events.

“But if you don’t hate me...then how do you feel about me?” he asked softly.

“I...I’m...that is...” she stumbled. It suddenly seemed hard to catch her breath.

Their bodies were so close, he could feel her heart beating fast and hard. “Yes...?” he prompted. 

“I’m...I’m your friend,” she finally managed. 

“Yes, you are my friend...my best friend,” he said slowly. Raising his hand, he brushed his knuckles gently over her cheek. “But is that all? Don’t you feel anything...more for me?”

“I don’t know...wh-what you mean,” she hedged even though she knew he was talking about her note.

“Yes, you do,” he argued gently.

She stared up at him, everything in her body screaming for her to tell him. So she did the only thing she could think of...

She took his face in her hands and kissed him.

It was a hard, fierce, almost desperate kiss and Donna felt it in every cell in her body.

Although he’d been hoping to eventually prod her in this direction, Josh had expected some kind of declaration rather than a stunning kiss, but he was in no way complaining. Well, except for maybe when she broke it off before it could get too far.

“There, that’s how I feel about you. Happy now? That’s the ‘more’ I’ve always wanted from you,” Donna exclaimed, dropping her hands. Unable to face him, she looked away. “I’m in love with you, okay? I’ve been in love with you...for a long time.”


	20. Chances

Chapter 20

Josh, who was still recovering from the kiss had to swallow hard before he spoke. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I...I didn’t want to face you telling me that you don’t feel the same thing for me,” she said still looking down at the floor in embarrassment.

Because she wasn’t looking at him, she didn’t see the grin that split his face. Bringing his hands up, her pulled her face up to look at him and he kissed her.

This kiss was desperate too, but it was filled with heat and longing as he devoured her mouth with his. It was also much longer than their first one. When he felt her respond almost immediately, it sent a bolt of desire right through him.

It was Donna’s turn to be stunned. Josh was kissing her...kissing her of his own free will. 

Wow, Josh was a really good kisser. 

Not to mention the fact that he had what felt like the beginning of a very promising erection pressed against her hip.

His tongue slid effortlessly into her mouth as his hands slid into her hair she thought she would have melted into a puddle on the floor if he didn’t have her pinned to the refrigerator.

Suddenly, Josh pulled back, leaving both of them breathing hard. “Who said I don’t feel the same?”

“Really?” she said hopefully. “I mean...really?”

He grinned. “Yeah, for a long time.”

“Well, I was apparently misinformed,” she said, before kissing him again.

Josh grinned as he moved to kiss her back. “You should have told me sooner.”

It was hard to tell who was kissing whom by then.

“I know, my bad,” she replied with another kiss. “Now stop talking.”

“’kay.” 

She took control of the kissing then, switching back to one long kiss that wiped out any chance for speech. This time she was the one who slid her tongue into his mouth as she poured herself into the kiss. Everywhere, her body seemed to switch from tired to hungry and Josh was the only food she wanted.

Thank God he wasn’t wearing a shirt, because she was in desperate need to feel his skin under her hands. As she continued to kiss him, her arms slid around him and her hands traced the firm muscled planes of his back. 

Feeling wicked and bold, her hands slid down into his sweats, under his boxers to fondle his superior behind. She’d always liked that particular part of his anatomy, loved watching him walk away from her. It had this tiny little bounce to it. Now she lightly raked her nails over it, just like she’d always wanted to and heard him groan in response.

Josh had never realized how good Donna’s hands would feel on his butt. And when she did that thing with her nails, it felt amazing. Realizing that she was getting to have all the fun while he was relegated to touching her through her robe, his hands moved between them, no easy feat given how close they were, and he laid his hands on the sash of the robe.

Although it could be argued that her hands on his ass was prompting enough, he waited a beat for some sign from her that he could proceed. 

Donna felt his hesitation and pulled back from the kiss. They were both panting hard as she glanced down at his hands. She knew what he wanted and she smiled up at him mischievously as she gripped his ass tighter in response.

It was all the prompting he needed. In their haste, his hands fumbled with the knot she’d tied in the sash, making her laugh. She pulled her hands out of the back of his boxers making him groan in disappointment.

“If I don’t help you with that, we’ll be here forever,” she teased as she untied the knot and pulled the belt free.

“But I liked your hands where they were,” he complained. 

She grinned at him. “But then I couldn’t use them to do this.”

Running her hands between her breasts to the gap in her robe, she opened the robe all the way and shrugged out of it sending it to the floor in a soundless pool around her feet.

Josh tried to work some spit up in his mouth. “That…that’s a good use for them too.”

He took a moment to drink in the sight of her. As he suspected, she hadn’t been wearing anything under her robe. Her body was beautiful, so much better than even his fantasies had been. His hands itched to touch her high, firm breasts and the area hidden by the dark golden curls that covered the apex of her thighs. He couldn’t wait to find every spot on her body that made her moan.

At that point, the two of them all but leapt on each other. Josh pinned her roughly against the fridge and they kissed and touched and fondled each other with hungry desperation, almost as if they were trying to feel everything in one moment. 

While his mouth was busy with a spot on her neck that made her almost involuntarily whimper, Josh’s hand slid between them to stroke her center. She moaned loudly as he did and he felt her teeth nip at his shoulder. Her center was hot and slick and it gave him a dark thrill to know it was all for him. 

Donna couldn’t think for all the sensations Josh was pushing through her system. Her hands, her mouth, her entire body went into some kind of primitive auto pilot where her body just responded to every move from him with a point and a counterpoint.

Her hands burrowed back into the heat of his boxers, this time bypassing his ass to go right down the front to his burgeoning erection. She wrapped her hand around the hard length of him and stroked him firmly.

Okay, Donna was giving him a hand job in the middle of the kitchen. He could now die a happy man...that’s if the amazing feeling of what she was doing didn’t kill him first.

She heard him groan, watched his head come up, his eyes glazed with the feeling she was sending through him. His eyes fluttered closed, he drew a ragged breath and the expression on his face was… indescribable. She loved the fact that she was putting it there. His hand stayed buried between her legs, but she could tell he was having trouble concentrating.

Suddenly his eyes snapped open and met hers. They were both panting like they’d run a marathon and a fine sheen of sweat had begun to cover their overheated bodies.

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this,” Josh said a little breathlessly. “…but you have to stop that.” 

“Why?” she said with a seductive little smirk as she ran her thumb over the tip his cock, making him gasp. “Don’t you like it?”

One of his hands pulled her wrist out of his sweats. “That’s the problem, I like it too much.” He took a breath. “Touch me anywhere but there…or this is going to be over WAY too soon.”

“But I was having fun,” she pouted.

“Fun? You want to have fun?” he said with a smirk. 

His fingers moved over her center with renewed fervor. Stroking her clit almost mercilessly. He slid first one, then two fingers inside, rocking them methodically in and out of her. 

Donna felt her eyes almost roll back in her head. “God, Josh…you’re not…playing fair,” she gasped as she ground herself against the heel of his hand.

He smirked in response and his free hand slid behind her to her butt, then down to take hold of her leg and draw it up to his hip to open her to him even further.

As Donna shifted her weight to balance on one leg, pain shot through her ankle. “Ow!”

Immediately his hands stilled and he frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“My ankle,” she said biting her lip and pulling her leg back down to take the weight back off her sore ankle.

“Oh, God, right,” he said taking her arm to help steady her. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, I forgot too,” she said giving him a little reassuring smile.

He looked around a second, then grinned. “I’ve got an idea.”

Donna squeaked when he scooped her up. “Josh! Your arm!”

“It’s okay, we’re not going far,” he said ignoring the little twinge that went through his arm. She wasn’t heavy, but his arm was still getting its strength back. He carried her over to the kitchen island and put her down on the slightly lower end that was designed to be used as a two person eating area. Donna leaned back a little so she could look up at Josh as he moved between her legs.

“I’d like to just pick you up and take you right against the fridge, but I’m not exactly a young frat boy anymore,” he commented as his hands ran freely over her body.

“You’ll always be a frat boy to me, Josh,” she said with a gasp as his hands teased over her breasts.

Something between a laugh and a gasp came out of her as his fingers slid over her warm, slick center again. “Oh, God, I love it when you touch me like that.” She said, enjoying it, enjoying him. 

“Yeah?” he said with a wicked grin.

She nodded. “You have very talented fingers.”

“How about when I touch you like this?” 

Taking a step back, he pulled out one of the small stools under the counter and sat down on it, settling himself between her legs.

“Josh...you don’t...”

“Shhhh,” he said, gently lifting her injured ankle over his shoulder. “If you only knew how many times I’ve thought about doing this.”

Leaning back on her elbows, Donna forgot to breathe as Josh kissed his way up her inner thigh and buried his mouth in her throbbing, aching center making her cry out his name just for that act alone. She brought her other leg up and rested it on the edge of the counter giving him just the right angle.

There was no finesse, but she didn’t need any because it was all heat. The heat of his mouth on her clit and his tongue thrusting inside her...claiming her, marking her as his, was all she needed.

Her body felt like it could shoot fire.

In what seemed like just a minute she came suddenly and hard, probably harder than she had for anyone. It only left her breathless and desperate for more. Josh was her new drug and she intended to overdose at regular intervals.

When she could see colors and shapes again, she carefully dropped her legs, sat up and leaned forward to kiss him. She devoured his mouth and found the taste of her own unique flavor mixed with his was intoxicating.

She grinned. “I love it when you touch me like that,” she said between heated kisses. 

He smirked in satisfaction. “I had a feeling you would.”

Tugging on his arm she had him standing again. The look in her eyes was positively... combustible. In one smooth motion, her hands shoved down his sweats and boxers, exposing him to her gaze. 

“But what I really want is to feel you....” 

She tipped forward a bit and slid her hand back around his throbbing cock, stroking him with a steady hand. 

“...all that HARD length of you, buried inside me.” 

“I think that...can be arranged,” he managed to choke out. “You’re really...good at that...Donna.”

Grinning, she kept her hand busy while she used the other one to pull his face down to hers and kissed him again. Then her mouth moved to hover next to his ear.

“We don’t need the fridge, Josh, take me right here, right now or I’ll be the one taking YOU against the nearest flat surface.” 

Not needing to be told twice, he grabbed her hips and slid into her in one smooth, deep thrust, making them both groan in pleasurable shock. It had been a while for her, but she’d been ready and eager for him so it wasn’t painful, it was glorious. He held himself still for a moment.

Oh, God, Josh was inside her. She’d fantasized about this moment for so long, but the reality of it was stunning. “Please, Josh,” she whimpered.

He had to grit his teeth to hold onto some control. “You feel pretty tight...you okay?”

“It’s just...been a while,” she ground out. “Trust me...pain is not what I’m feeling right now...” She grinned and loosely wrapped her legs around his waist so he’d have room to move. “I’d be even better if you stared moving.”

Almost panting with the strain of forcing himself to stay still, Josh’s eyes bored into hers. “Not until you promise that you’ll never run away again.”

She framed his face with her hands and knew with utter certainty that her words wouldn’t be a lie. “I swear, Josh, I’ll never leave you again.”

His face broke into a grin and he kissed her long and hard. Then he withdrew almost all the way out before thrusting all the way back into her. He continued like that, pistoning into her with long, deep, amazing strokes that made Donna moan in pleasure.

She laughed with the joy of it. It was like having a maddening itch that she’d never been able to reach finally being scratched so thoroughly and completely she felt like she would die from the pleasure of it. She’d never felt anything so wonderful and satisfying. It left her feeling weak but strong, relieved and immensely happy.

The rain lashed the house in waves. Their coupling was as raw and wild as the storm outside, but damn it felt good, beyond good. His hands gripped her ass hard to hold her in place and she knew she was going to have finger marks on her butt. Responding in kind, she dug her nails into his back and she held onto him as if her life depended on it.

“You feel so good inside me,” she moaned. “Harder, Josh...”

“I can’t...believe we waited so long for this,” he groaned in reply.

She longed to kiss him quickly and fiercely, but with his face buried in her neck and him thrusting into her so quickly it was all but impossible so she settled for nipping at any piece of skin she reach. His neck, his ear, his jaw. Wanting to possess him as he was possessing her, she dug her nails into his shoulders to mark him as hers.

In between the grunts and groans they were both making and the healthy slap of flesh against flesh, they whispered and ground out words of encouragement and pleasure to the other.

“Yes...oh, yes.”

“Donna…please tell me you’re close. I don’t know how long…”

“I’m…Oh, God,…right there with you.”

“Come for me,” he whispered roughly.

But Donna was way ahead of him, her body was already falling over that fine edge of madness into pleasure, into glorious abandon and she wanted to scream his name but what she was feeling quite simply stole her breath away. All she could manage were guttural cries mixed with a strangled version of his name on her lips when she came.

Hearing her say his name like that was the final straw for Josh and his world imploded with white hot intensity. With her name on his own lips, his body pulsing and trembling as he plunged deeply into her one final time, he held himself deep inside her as he emptied himself into her.

Collapsing forward, the only thing keeping him from crushing her into the counter was the fact that he braced a hand on the counter on each side of her.

Her arms went around him and he rested his head on her shoulder. The two of them lay there, or more accurately reclined there, as the trembling in their sweaty, exhausted bodies began to calm and their breathing began to slow.

Finally, when Josh felt like he could manage to get some blood back to his legs again, he slowly stood up. Still breathing a little fast, Josh slid out of her and although he was aiming for the small stool he’d sat on earlier, he missed it completely and abruptly found himself sitting on the floor. 

Donna, also still breathing a little hard, leaned forward to peer over the edge of the counter at him. “You okay?” she asked with a grin.

“Yeah, apparently, I’ve just lost the ability to stand,” he smirked back.

“Here, I’ll help you up.” She slipped off the counter and promptly found herself on the floor next to him. “Okay, so standing is overrated,” she said lying back on the cool hardwood floor.

Josh frowned slightly as he looked down at her. “Did you hurt your ankle?”

She turned her head and looked at him with a reassuring smile. “Ankle? What ankle? I have no feeling below the waist, Josh.”

Josh chuckled and laid down shoulder-to-shoulder next to her. “God, how did that not kill us?” he asked.

Donna turned her head and kissed his shoulder. “I think it might have, ‘cause that was the closest thing I’ve ever had to an out of body experience,” she said.

Josh rubbed his cheek against the top of her head. “Maybe we were hit by lightning out on the road and we’re dead.”

He meant it as a joke but after everything they’d been through and her own nightmares, it came out a little more serious. She lifted her head to look at him for a long moment.

“So this is what heaven feels like?” she asked. Tracing her hand down his arm, she linked her fingers with his.

He stared back at her. “If so, we’re going to have plenty of time to make up for the last seven years.” He slid his free hand behind her neck and pulled her face down to his for another lingering kiss.

When they finally broke the kiss, Donna settled her head on his shoulder. It was a feeling he liked very, very much. 

They both knew they had a lot to talk about but for the moment, spent and satiated, they both were content to lay there together. 

“We should have had that conversation a long time ago,” Josh said. He heard Donna start to chuckle and he frowned. “Why is that funny?”

“Josh, if we’d had that conversation a long time ago, we’d have screwed each other’s brains out on your desk, we’d have been lying on the floor of your office naked and CJ would have walked in on us right about now.”

He still wasn’t laughing, but for an entirely different reason. “You thought about us…on my desk?” That was more than he would have ever hoped for.

Still smiling, she turned her head to look up at him. “What are you kidding? On your desk, on the floor in your office, the credenza in your office, against the door of your office, the wall of your office, on my desk, on the floor in the middle of the bullpen, on the couch in CJs office and Toby’s office, heck once I even thought about us in the OVAL office…”

Then Josh did smile. “So it was a veritable sexual tour of the White House?” he said. 

“Basically.” Her smile faded a little as she frowned. “Why, didn’t you think of us?”

His smile became a smirk. “Oh, yeah. I covered every available surface in my office and everywhere else you did, but I added on a chair in Sam’s office, the couch in Leo’s, numerous places in the Residence, including the elevator, on a bench in the Portico outside the Oval office, various broom closets, oh, and the White House Rose Garden.”

Grinning at him, she raised an eye brow. “The rose garden? You don’t think that sounds a bit…painful? I mean, naked and thorns don’t exactly go together.”

“I didn’t mean ON the roses in the rose garden. There’s grass there too, Donnatella.” He paused. “I just liked…” he broke off.

“What?” she asked with a frown. 

“Never mind, I just realized how much what I was thinking would sound like some girly thing Sam would have said.”

She rested her chin on his shoulder. “Tell me, anyway.”

“No, it’s lame.”

“Joshua,” she purred. “Please tell me.”

He reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “You realize of course that when you use that voice it makes everything but the idea of another round of sex with you go right out of my head, right?”

“Yes, I know,” she smiled slyly. “Which is why I will be withholding said sex until you tell me what you were going to say.”

“Fine,” he said with a resigned sigh as he knew he wasn’t going to get out of it. Embarrassed, he stared up at the ceiling so he didn’t have to see her laugh when he told her.

“I just liked the idea of making love to you with the roses all around, okay? You deserve roses.” He was trying to be suave and manly and he hated the way it just sounded like he was dorky and babbling. “You’re beautiful and roses are beautiful and it just struck me as a natural combination.” 

He waited for her laughter, but it never came. The only thing that did happen was that the weight of her chin lifted from his shoulder and he felt her shift around.

He turned his head to look at her. “Donna, I’m sorry, I know that was…” he stopped talking when he saw she wasn’t farther away, she was closer. 

She’d raised herself up on one elbow and was looking down at him with an expression that looked like she thought he was nothing remotely close to dorky. In fact, she was looking at him like she was ready to jump him again.

“Joshua, those were two of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard.”

“What?” He frowned up at her. “Really?”

“You said I was beautiful.”

“Yeah, of course you are. Why is that such a big surprise?”

She paused for a long moment and he thought he saw the hint of tears in eyes.

“I don’t…” she blushed slightly.

“What?”

“No one ever said I was beautiful before.”

“What, did they not MEET you? Or were they all just deaf, blind and stupid?”

She smiled as his comment and put her head back down on his shoulder. “No, apparently, they just weren’t you.” 

“A mistake I have now remedied,” he said with a grin. “Although as I recall, I did say you looked amazing the night of the second inauguration,” he pointed out.

“I know you did. I could never forget that.” She paused. “I thought maybe it was just the dress.”

“Yeah, because I’m a fashion critic, Donna,” he teased as he ran a hand over the arm she had draped across him. “I meant what was in the dress.”

She sighed softly. “Or I just thought you were just being…you know, nice since it wasn’t exactly a banner night for me…until you came, of course.” She smiled. “From that point on the night definitely took a turn for the better.” 

Josh smirked. “Does this mean you’re going to start calling me ‘wild thing’ again?”

She giggled. “Well, if you keep performing like you just did, I think that could be arranged.”

They laid there quietly for a moment, just listening to the sound of the rain as it lashed the roof over their heads.

“Wait,” Josh said suddenly. “What was the other thing?”

“What other thing?”

“You said those were TWO of the nicest things you ever heard,” he explained. “One was that I said you were beautiful. What was the other?”

She raised her head to look at him again. “I said sweetest…those were TWO of the sweetest things I’d ever heard and the other one was….” Her voice softened. “When you said you wanted to make love to me.”

He blinked at her in surprise. “Okay, that one completely stumps me, of course I do. We were just talking about the places in the White House…”

“I figured you just meant sex in the White House,” she clarified.

He watched her for a moment. “Is that what you meant?”

“No, but I’m a woman. We tend to think more in terms of making love instead of just having sex.”

“Well…I’m a man who’s in love with you so that pretty much levels the playing field there.”

She felt her heart swell in her chest and tears spring to her eyes. “Really?”

“Donna, why do you look ready to cry?”

Smiling, she laid her head back down and tightened her hold on him. “I’m not crying…I’m just happy,” she said with a little sniff.

“Well, in that case,” he said, sitting up and bringing her with him. “Come on, it’s time I made love to you properly and for that we need a bed and as I recall there’s a great big comfy one upstairs. Besides, I think my butt is asleep.”

“’kay,” she said with a grin as he helped her up off the floor.

He slid an arm around her waist both because he wanted to and to help take some of the weight off her ankle as they walked.

“You know, it’s too bad we don’t work in the White House anymore,” Josh lamented as they walked upstairs. “I really did have a lot of fantasies of you and me in my office.” 

“Oh, I bet I could talk CJ into covering for us so we could slip in and borrow your old office for a Saturday afternoon.”

“A whole afternoon?” Josh swallowed. 

She grinned as they reached the upstairs landing. “I thought about us in your office a lot too, Josh.”

They both laughed about that as they walked to the bed. Josh pulled the covers back. “Sit down. I want to wrap your ankle before we do anything else,” he said as he headed for the bathroom.

“As long as we get to the ‘anything else’ part afterwards!” Donna called to him.

“Just call me ‘wild thing’!” he called back with a grin and heard her laugh.

Rummaging around in the drawer containing their stash of first-aid supplies, Josh pulled out the largest Ace bandage they had and carried it back to the bedroom. He found Donna sitting where he’d left her but now she had a somewhat panicked and vaguely horrified look on her face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked with a frown.

“Josh, we didn’t use any kind of protection before. I’m not on the Pill anymore. I didn’t bring them with me. It’s not like I expected to be having sex while I was being hidden away until the trial. I mean I’m not worried about diseases for either of us or anything but what if…?” 

In the heat of the moment, he’d completely forgotten about that too. “Yeah, and I don’t have any condoms either.”

“I’ve read that it can take a month or longer for a woman to become fertile after she goes off the pill or it could be just the wrong time of the month for me, but that’s no guarantee…I mean…” she looked up at him, her eyes a little scared now. “…what if…” she repeated.

Sitting down next to her, Josh let out breath. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It might matter in 9 months.”

Taking her hand in his, Josh gave it comforting squeeze. “No…it won’t,” he said decisively. “Well, it would, but in a good way.” He brushed away a lock of hair from her shoulder and pressed a kiss to the spot. “It would be good to me anyway.”

“But…” Donna began. She was still having a little trouble forcing down the feeling of fear coursing through her. “What…what would people say?”

“I don’t care.” 

She couldn’t believe that of the two of them, he was the calmest about the prospect of unexpected parenthood. It wasn’t that she didn’t want children and it especially wasn’t that she didn’t want HIS children, she was just so used to being careful and seeing everything from a damage control perspective that it was a lot to take in.

“Don’t you want kids?” he asked gently.

Donna looked at him. “Oh, Josh, if you only knew how many times in the last seven years I’ve thought of having your children, wondering if they’d have your smile or your dimples, you wouldn’t ask me that.”

He smiled at the thought of her picturing their children and an amazing warmth spread through him. “Well, then what’s the problem? I mean we don’t work at the White House anymore. We’re two consenting adults. It’s not like it would be a big scandal.”

“I guess, when you put it like that…” she began as she considered what he’d said. “…there isn’t a problem. I just figured that you’d go back to the White House after this was over and I don’t want to be the thing that stands in the way of that.”

Letting go of her hand, he put his arm around her and pulled her into a hug. “Donna, you wouldn’t be. Besides, don’t you think we’ve spent enough time…WASTED enough time worrying about what other people think?”

The smell of him and the feeling of his skin against hers was immediately reassuring. “Yeah, I guess we have at that.”

“Whatever happens we’ll face it together,” he said hugging her a little tighter.

“Okay,” she said.

“Now…” he said releasing her and slipping off the bed to kneel at her feet. “I’m going to wrap your ankle and then we’re going to get back to the lovemaking.”

Donna watched him finish wrapping her ankle with gentle hands and emotion swelled inside her.

“Josh…?”

“Yeah?” he said without looking up as he attached the small silver bandage clips in place.

“Having your children really would be good to me, too.”

Setting her ankle back down, he looked up at her and smiled. “I’m glad.”

He stood and lifted her feet onto the bed. “And hey, since it would be tough for you to go to a doctor here since we don’t technically have insurance, if nothing happens, maybe Mrs. Bartlet can send you some birth control pills. Meanwhile, the next time we go into town, I’ll pick up the jumbo box of condoms.”

Sliding back, she settled herself on the bed. “Do you really think they have jumbo boxes of condoms here?” she asked with a grin. “I mean Snowflake is a small, family town.”

“Why not?” he said with a smirk and a careless shrug as he switched off all the lights, except the one on the bedside table that he turned on low and climbed into bed with her. It was warm enough they didn’t need to pull up any covers. They would have just gotten in the way later anyway. “With all this open space and houses that are out in the middle of nowhere like this one is, they’ve got to have something to keep themselves occupied.”

“I don’t suppose you’d care to give a more in-depth explanation of what they do to occupy themselves?” she said suggestively.

He slipped his arms around her and pulled her in close. “Well, I could, but I think a demonstration might be more appropriate.”

Capturing her mouth with his, he savored her, trying to memorize the nectar-like taste of her and the way her tongue darted and danced with his. He trailed kisses down the column of her throat to that spot that made her whimper as her hands caressed his shoulders and his back.

Unlike the first time, things between them now were slow. Slow and almost excruciatingly thorough. Lazy kisses, gentle sighs, hands stoking fires to burn slower and hotter, bodies taking the time to learn what each wanted and needed.

His mouth paid homage to her breasts. Teasing, tasting, laving and making her beg for more.

But Donna’s mouth had its own plans. First, her hands played over his body with infinite care and finesse as if it were the finest instrument. Masterfully, she had his cock throbbing and hard and reminded him playfully that there was nothing eunuch like about him. She kissed her way down his chest, paying close attention to his long healed scars and continued down over his lean hips until she could take him all the way into her mouth.

He gasped with the dark pleasure she sent through him as she used her mouth and her hands to lick and suck and tease him until he thought he would go mad with sensation. Even though he tried to stop her before things went too far, she knew what she was doing and what she wanted. She wanted to taste him as he’d tasted her. Wanted to bring him to that brink of ecstasy with her ministrations and then push him over into orgasmic oblivion.

When her name slid from his mouth as a strangled groan, his fingers tangled in her hair and he exploded in her mouth, she had her chance. She took all he had to give, drinking down every drop. In her mind it was a tangible essence that was uniquely Josh and now that she had a chance, she wanted it all.

After lovingly cleaning him with slow gentle strokes of her tongue, she move back up to lay beside him with a satisfied smirk on her face.

Josh had to lay there for a few moments to recover. Not only had no one ever given him such an amazing blow job, he’d never come so hard he almost blacked out before.

“You’re mouth is really good at that,” he said with a smirk.

“I think you’ll find I have many hidden talents you’ll come to appreciate,” she said, looking entirely too pleased with herself.

To give himself a few minutes to recover and to reward Donna for what she’d done, while punishing her for looking so smug about it, he moved back between her legs. Using his talented hands and 760 verbal mouth he brought her to the brink again and again, always pulling back just enough to keep her tottering on the knife edge of her orgasm. 

At one point she slid her own hand down to put herself out of the stunningly pleasurable misery Josh had her in. As much as he wanted to watch her touch herself and find the release she craved, he batted her hand way. 

“God, Josh, please...I can’t stand it...let me...please let me come,” she begged him in a choked voice.

He heard her words and knew they were both ready. Moving his body over hers, he slid into her in a one smooth stroke, making her whimper with gratitude that he was going to grant her release she desperately wanted. She was a little surprised when he rolled them over, putting her on top of him and giving her control.

“Ride me, Donna,” he said in a voice gone rough with passion and the feeling of being tightly surrounded by her. “Take what you want.”

His hands gripped her waist as she began to flex her hips so she rocked over him. Leaning forward a bit, she found just the right angle so that her clit was rubbing against him.

“Oh, God, Josh,” she gasped as her eyes locked with his.

She was so beautiful. Her face was damp and flushed and quite simply...luminous. 

He slid a hand between them and began to stroke her again with agonizing slowness. She whimpered and began moving faster. With the angle she’d found and Josh’s talented fingers, she was coming again for the third time in the space of an hour. She was definitely going to be a bit sore tomorrow, but as she called his name and her body shredded out from under her she didn’t especially care.

She fell forward on his chest, breathing hard with a rather large smile on her face. “That was amazing,” she said.

“You’re amazing,” he said, running a hand over her back soothingly.

“Yeah?” she said with a grin. 

“Oh, yeah.”

He was still hard and throbbing inside her and she knew that he had to want his own release. Gripping his hips slightly with her knees she rolled them over so he was above her again. “Then show me. I want to feel you come inside me again.”

“After what we talked about before...are you sure?” he asked. He’d kind of been holding himself back in case she was feeling skittish about the pregnancy issue.

Donna’s expression softened and her legs moved higher and tighter around his torso. “Positive.”

Moving in slow, deep strokes, his eyes never left hers. Shortly, his strokes became quicker, harder and because he was already primed it didn’t take long for another orgasm to punch through him. With an agonizing cry, he spilled himself into her.

Bracing his arms on either side of her so he didn’t crush her into the bed, he gently rested his forehead on hers. Her hands traced random, soothing patterns over his back as his body cooled and his breathing began to return to normal.

Lifting his head, he stared down at her face...into her eyes...into her soul. “I love you, Donna,” he told her simply. “I’ve always loved you.”

Smiling with tears in her eyes, she stared back up at him. “I love you too, Josh. I can’t remember what it feels like not to love you.”

Leaning down, he gave her a slow, sweet kiss. Then he shifted and rolled them onto their sides, sliding out of her as he did, but pulling her close. He felt her settle her head against his chest and he heard her yawn. The yawning was apparently contagious because he yawned right after her. 

Glancing at the clock he saw it was almost 4 am. No wonder they were yawning. 

“Josh?” Donna said, her voice sounding low and sleepy already.

“Hmmm?”

“I’m sorry…about tonight…about leaving.”

He pulled her in just a little tighter. “It’s okay. We’ll talk about it more tomorrow.”

“Already is…tomorrow,” she murmured with a little sigh.

“Sleep now, Miss Smarty Pants,” he said with a little smile as his own eyes slid closed. “Talk later.”


	21. Chances

Chapter 21

After the rather exhausting night they’d both had, the Arizona sun was already high in the sky by the time they woke. 

They were both lying on their sides still snuggled tightly together in the wide bed with only a sheet covering them to the waist.

Josh surfaced first and he took the opportunity to watch Donna sleep for a few minutes.

Even the slight bump she had on the bridge of her nose from it being broken and the lingering smudges of dark circles under her eyes from being so tired couldn’t mar the beauty of her face. And although he missed her beautiful blonde hair, he was almost getting used to the warm chestnut brown color.

Although they had slept together on any number of occasions in the last month, they’d always been wearing some type of clothing. Now that they were bare skin to bare skin he thought he might recommend they never wear clothes to bed again.

As he laid there he considered the last month and the number of ways he could have lost her. Not only to Stone, but to his own selfishness and stupidity.

He saw now that because he thought he could never have anything beyond friendship or a working relationship with her, whenever Donna had brought up doing more, he’d equated it with her leaving him and that terrified him. He’d meant it when he’d told her in the diner that he needed her. He'd been so busy holding onto her with an iron grip that he hadn’t seen that it had almost destroyed them.

But now things had gone in a whole new direction, one he hadn't expected. He hoped it meant that regardless of whether or not they worked together, she would always be with him. By giving her the freedom to choose what she wanted to do, he never expected her to choose to stay. No one else had ever done that for him before.

In this case, it looked like he was going to have to lose to win. No wonder it had taken him so long to get with the program. Winning he excelled at, losing not so much. The corner of his mouth quirked up at the thought. 

Donna's eyes fluttered open to see a smile lingering in his eyes. 

She supposed that having him see her naked from the waist up should have made her feel self-conscious in the harsh light of day, but it didn't. In fact she liked it...a lot. 

"Hi," she said with a smile of her own. When he continued to look at her intently, but with that same touch of a smile, she frowned at him curiously. "What’s wrong? Do I have mud on my face or something?”

He grinned at her. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing's wrong."

"Then why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you know something I don't and you can't wait to tell me."

Yeah, that pretty well covered it. "Oh, is that how I look?"

"Yes."

He paused a beat. "Do you want to get married?"

Donna rolled her eyes and gave his shoulder a little shove. “Oh Josh, don’t joke about such a thing.”

“What? Who’s joking?” he said, vaguely annoyed that had been her answer.

“Wait...you’re serious?” she asked in disbelief as she sat up abruptly. Talk about a surprise. She hadn't seen that one coming at all. 

She'd made no attempt to cover herself when she sat up and the motion had made her bare breasts bounce just a little, rendering Josh speechless.

"Josh..." she said, trying to pull his attention away from her breasts but having little success.

As much as she appreciated him salivating at the sight of her breasts, right now she needed his attention. Giving an annoyed little groan, she placed her fingers under his chin and lifted his face so he was looking at her in the eye. "Up here, Josh."

Josh blinked. "Oh, sorry. What?"

She pulled the sheet up over her chest to avoid giving him any more distractions. 

"I believe you just asked me...what you asked me. Are you serious?"

He looked her squarely in the eye. “I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t.”

“Oh, Josh, that’s the sweetest...” Donna began as she felt little pieces of her heart melt away. “...and quite possibly the dumbest thing...”

“Dumbest?!” Josh exclaimed as he pushed away from her a bit. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She rubbed her forehead. “Josh, what are you doing?”

“I believe I was proposing,” he said, a little stung. “Why are you treating it like I just said you have chicken pox?”

“Because Josh, we have things to talk about,” Donna insisted. “Last night I walked out of here, you found me, we had a fight, you dragged me back here, declarations were made and we made love till the cows came home. A lot’s happened in the last 24 hours. Don’t you think it might be a good idea if we talked a little BEFORE you proposed?”

He let out a breath. “Well, when you put it that way...”

She stared at him for a moment. “This isn’t about...about us not using anything last night...about me maybe being...?”

Josh sat up too. “No, no, that hadn’t even occurred to me, I swear.”

“Because even if I was...you know, you wouldn’t have to marry me,” she said quietly as she kept her eyes locked on his.

Okay, so they apparently did have some things to talk about. He laid his hand on hers. “You know I’d marry you if you were pregnant, Donna, but seriously, that’s not why I asked.” 

Turning her hand she linked their fingers and stared down at their hands. “You don’t have to do this to keep me either,” she said as she looked back up at him. “You got me. Even when I left last night, you had me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me how you felt sooner?”

She let out a breath. “Because you’re not the only one who’s bad at relationships,” she said simply. “I was scared of what I felt for you.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t think you could feel the same and it would ruin the friendship we had.”

He ran his thumb over the back of her hand. “Well, I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t a big part of why I hadn’t told you how I felt,” he admitted. 

She looked down at their clasped hands and watched his thumb move across her skin. “And then there was the fact that I was your blonde assistant without so much as a college degree to her name.” 

“Donna...” he said gently, but she pressed on before he could say more.

“I think that’s one of the reasons I’ve been asking to do more. It occurred to me that I didn’t have a whole lot to offer you and I think part of me hoped that you’d notice me if I did more than answer your phone and keep your schedule. I guess I wanted to be worthy of you.”

“Donna…” Josh repeated, but again she kept talking.

“And if it didn’t make you notice me, then at least I’d still have a career I could take pride in.”

Josh laid his hand on her shoulder. “Donna…look at me.”

She raised her face to him.

“You offer me everything and it’s me who needs to be worthy of you,” he said quietly. “I noticed you the first day you walked into my office in New Hampshire. And it wasn’t because, okay, it wasn’t JUST because you were you know, gorgeous, but because you were quick and smart and funny and you didn’t take my crap. Of course, your random spewing of trivia took a little getting used to,” he teased.

“It’s an acquired taste, but I knew you’d come to appreciate it eventually,” Donna said with a grin that pushed back the tears that had been hovering close to the surface at the sweet things he’d just said.

Josh smiled, but after a moment, it faded. “But back then relatively speaking, you were young and I was old and I was in a position of authority over you and it would have been...wrong.” He let out a sigh. “Or at least that’s what I kept telling myself. Truth is, I haven’t seen you as an assistant for a long time, probably since that summer you stayed with me after Rosslyn. You’ve been more of a partner than anything else.”

“Oh, Josh…” she said with tears that had begun to surface again.

Josh saw her tears but pressed on. He thought he’d never get this out if he stopped now. “I know things had fallen into a pattern for us and I’ll admit that when you’ve mentioned wanting more, I read it as you wanting to leave me.”

Now it was Donna’s turn to try and interrupt. “But, Josh…”

“No, just let me finish,” he told her. “Because of my own assumption that YOU didn’t have feelings for me, I thought the only way I could hang onto you was through work. And I while I did give you more to do than answer my phones and keep my schedule, I mean you have to admit that you do way more than any of the other assistants, I couldn’t let it go too far. I thought if I did, you’d figure out just how amazing you are with stuff and leave or someone else would see how amazing you were and snap you up.” He paused. “You weren’t the only one who felt like they didn’t have that much to offer.”

Donna squeezed his hand. “Oh, Josh, you offer me everything too and I can’t imagine that I would ever leave you like that.” 

He gave her a long, slightly curious look. 

“Then why did you leave last night?” he asked gently and without accusation. “I mean I know you were trying to get me to go back to D.C., but I also know there has to be more to it than that. You could have ditched me a long time ago if that was your only reason.”

She ran a hand through her hair. “Oh, Josh, I swear that when I left last night I thought I was doing the right thing, but the truth is...it was more about me being scared.”

Josh felt his heart sink a little and he frowned. “Scared? Were you scared of me?”

“No, Josh, God, no,” she said giving his hand a squeeze. “I was scared of a lot of things, but never you.”

“Then what?”

She let out a breath. “When you showed up in Pennsylvania and told me that you were coming along and that you’d resigned from the White House, I was stunned. Well, I was a little too tired and upset about what happened at the lake to feel it right way, but it didn’t take long to really sink in. I know how important politics is to you and for you to give that up for me…well, I thought, maybe you did feel something more for me or at the very least you were the world’s greatest best friend.” She added with a little smile. 

She let out a breath. “But when the thing in Gaza happened and Leo had his heart attack, it felt like you’d turned away from me. It felt like even our friendship wasn’t enough to make you want to stay with me.”

Josh’s heart clenched at that. “I never meant…”

“I realize that now...” she said trying to reassure him. “But then all I could think was that you really were just staying with me out of some kind of duty. I convinced myself that you wanted to be in D.C. more than you wanted to be with me and you just didn’t want to tell me.”

“But we’ve been over this again and again. I told you I was where I wanted to be.”

“I know but that was before things hit the fan in D.C.,” she told him. “I thought maybe it had changed.”

“It didn’t,” he said.

She looked at him for a long moment. “I was also afraid...afraid that you resented me.”

He blinked her. “Why would you think I resent you?”

“Well...after Gaza you snapped at me left and right, and nothing I did seemed to help or be right...except maybe getting you to sit still long enough to remove your stitches,” she said running her fingers absently over the new, still slightly puckered scar on his bicep. “Then after Leo’s heart attack it felt like you shut me out completely.”

He wanted to argue with her, wanted to say something that would prove her wrong, but he couldn’t. He pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry. I guess I’ve been pretty wrapped up in myself. I didn’t realize how much it was hurting you.”

Hugging him back, she could hear the guilt in his voice. “I know you didn’t mean it like that, Josh, and I’m not saying any of this to accuse you or lecture you. I’m just trying to tell you what I was feeling and why I felt like it was best if I left.” She paused and pulled back to look at him. “I know you’ve had a lot on your mind and rightly so, but it wasn’t hard to see how angry you were with me at being stuck here.”

“That’s not true,” he said. “Not the part about being angry with you anyway. A little angry at being stuck here in this place, but not with you. I think having you here has kept me sane.”

That surprised her. “Really?”

“Yes, of course, really,” he said with a slightly exasperated smile.

They were both quiet for a moment. “I’ve been very worried about you, Josh, especially lately. With all that’s going on at home and you getting shot, I was worried that what happened to you that Christmas might be happening again.”

Part of him hated when she worried about his mental health. It made him feel weak when he wanted to be nothing but strong for her. But in all fairness, he could understand her concern after all that had happened. 

“I seriously don’t think I’m going to have another PTSD attack,” he told her confidently. “It doesn’t feel like it did the first time, I know what to look for, and Stanley and my other therapist gave me some coping strategies to help if I do feel one coming on.” He let out a breath. “On the other hand, I have a feeling that when this is all over, it would do both of us some good to spend some time with Stanley.”

She frowned. “Why me?”

“Donna...” he began gently. “Come on, it’s time we start being honest with each other. No more hiding things. I don’t think you have PTSD like I did, but I know you’ve been having nightmares and trouble sleeping, especially the last couple weeks when I haven’t been there for you and you can’t tell me that when we pulled into Tucumcari you weren’t hanging on by your fingernails.”

Donna opened her mouth to deny it, but she couldn’t. “Yeah, you’re right,” she said softly. “But you were there to pull me back from the edge.”

He smiled. “And I always will be.”

She gave his hand a squeeze. “And that’s all I was trying to do for you by making you go back to D.C.,” she put in. “I thought...I...even though I didn’t want you to go and I didn’t want to leave you, it seemed like making you go back to D.C. was the best thing for you. The best way to keep you safe and give you what I thought you wanted.”

“All I wanted was you,” he told her.

Tears swam in her eyes. “You’re all I’ve wanted, too.”

He watched her for a moment. “There is, however, something in what you just said and what you said last night that I want to talk about.”

“What’s that?” she asked with a frown.

“Just now when you said you wanted me to go back to D.C. to keep me safe,” he told her. “And last night you said you were going to let Stone find you after you went on the run again.”

Donna’s heart sank. She’d hoped he’d forgotten about that.

“I’d like you to explain both of those things to me,” he said in a firm voice that allowed no room for her to wiggle out of answering.

She let out a sigh. “Just what I said. I figured you’d be safer in D.C., I mean you’ve already been shot and I don’t want anything else to happen to you. The President and Mike could certainly protect you.”

“Well, I disagree with you there, after all, Mike and the FBI haven’t exactly done a bang up job protecting you.”

She couldn’t really argue that point. “I know,” she conceded. 

“And what about you letting Stone find you?”

“It wasn’t so much letting him actually FIND me, it was just leaving some clues or a trail for him to find.” She rubbed at her eyes. “I just...I thought that with you back in D.C. I’d need to do some things to keep his attention on me and not you.”

Josh looked at her suspiciously. “And how were you planning to do that?”

“Well...” she hedged. “Nothing huge. I thought I could use my regular cell phone a time or two or use a non-pay phone to call Mike or send Mike an e-mail that has my address in it and then leave town. Stuff like that.”

He’d suspected as much, but he still had to force down the annoyance and frustration he felt. “Donna, I told you before that I wouldn’t let you sacrifice yourself for me and I meant it.”

“I know,” Donna said a little dejectedly.

“And to be honest, I’m getting a little tired of repeating myself. ”

“Don’t I get any points for doing what I thought was best for you?” she asked.

He looked at her steadily and didn’t hesitate in his response. “Not if it puts your life in danger.”

Donna had no reply to that. 

Josh laid his other hand over their clasped ones. “I want you to listen to me very carefully because I’m only going to say this one more time.” He paused. “I’m where I want to be, so stop trying to send me back to D.C. for my own good and stop trying to sacrifice yourself for me. We’re in this together and I want you to remember that. Okay?” 

Her heart was beating hard in her chest. It finally seemed to really sink in that he wanted HER, wanted to be with her. Her throat closed for a moment and all she could manage was to nod. 

Tears swam in her eyes and spilled over her lashes to trail down her face. “I’m sorry, Josh, for everything. I was so wrong. Can you ever forgive me?”

Leaning forward, he cradled her face in his hands. “Shhhh, don’t cry,” he said, brushing her tears away. “You have nothing to be sorry for. We both made mistakes and we were both wrong. If we’d just been honest with each other, this wouldn’t have happened.”

She sniffed. “Do you think we could just start fresh from here?”

“I think that could be arranged.” 

Pulling her mouth to his, he captured it in a sweet and slightly salty kiss. 

Breathing a bit hard from the kiss, he rested his forehead against hers. “Now if we’re done with the talking...I believe we have one more issue remaining.”

Lifting her head, she wrapped her arms loosely around his shoulders. “Oh? What’s that?” she asked innocently even though she knew what he was referring to.

“As I recall I asked you certain question and you have yet to give me an answer.”

“Ask me again,” she said with a little grin.

A little smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth as he extracted himself from her embrace, laid back in bed and casually tucked an arm behind his head. “No, I don’t think I will. My first proposal was mocked and I think it’s left me scarred.” 

“But Jooooosh,” she whined. “Pleeeeease?”

“No, no, I think that ship has sailed,” he said with mock indignation.

She began to crawl toward him with a determined look on her face. “Josh...ask me again.”

“Nope.”

Donna slid her body over his and straddling him, leaned in close. “Joshua, if you ask me again, I think you’ll like the answer,” she said her voice, breathy and seductive. “I could make it worth your while.” 

He tried to force his body not to react at having the damp warmth of her core pressed against his groin, but it was a losing battle.

“No...only one to a...customer,” he half choked. He couldn’t take the feeling of her body against his much longer. “But...”

“What?” she asked hopefully as she wriggled her hips slightly, making him groan. “What will it take?”

“Well...um…geez Donna, now who’s not playing fair? I can’t think when you do that wiggle thing,” he ground out. “What was the question again?”

Donna felt him getting hard beneath her and it took all her will power to concentrate. She figured if she had any chance of him asking her again, they both were going to need some blood flowing above the waist so she held herself very still and spoke very deliberately.

“What…will it take…for you…to ask me…again?”

On the one hand, he was disappointed she’d stopped moving but on the other he was able to think again. He stared up at her.

“It would take quite a bit,” he said. “Maybe if someone was to ask me instead…”

“Ask you to be my wife?” she teased.

“Yeah,” he grinned back at her. “I have to warn you though, I’m not sure that I’ll be a very good wife,” he grinned. “I’m a terrible cook, I can’t sew on a button, and I don’t iron.”

“That’s okay, I’ll take you anyway. I can cook and...” she gasped softly as his hands traveled up over her stomach to palm her breasts. “...you have other talents that I think are valuable,” she smiled down at him. “But don’t think cooking means I’ll be bringing you coffee.”

He loved the way she arched into his touch and her eyes went blue and fluid. “I’ll take care of the coffee,” he agreed.

As if the enormity of what they were talking about suddenly washed over them, the moment seemed to turn from playful to solemn and they stared at each other.

“Yeah?” she asked softly.

His hands stilled, but remained pressed against her warm flesh. “Yeah.”

Donna cupped his cheek in her hand. “Joshua, will you marry me?” 

Josh swallowed the emotion that rose in his throat. “Of course I’ll marry you.” 

He pulled her face down to his and kissed her deeply, their tongues lapping and tasting each other hungrily. By then his body was hard and ready for her. Breaking the kiss, Donna shifted and rose up just a bit. Slipping her hand between them she guided him inside the warm, wet haven of her body and settled back down taking him deeply inside. They both let out a happy little sigh.

“So does this mean I get an engagement ring?” he teased. His chuckle switched to a groan as she started to slowly move over him. 

“Nope,” she smirked. “But I think I have something you might like better.” Her smirk didn’t last long as the hard length of him stroked her in just the right place as he slid in and out of her. She bit her lip as a wave of feeling washed through her.

Rolling them over, Josh slid deeper inside her. He picked up her earlier tempo and began to slowly thrust into her. “Well, who needs a shiny hunk of rock?”

“This is what...I’m saying,” she moaned. 

Donna’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment as the pleasure spread through her like a drug. Letting out a sound that was somewhere between a whimper and a sigh, she opened them again to watch him move over her. Feeling built upon feeling, until she felt her body tightening for the release that she knew would come. 

Pulling her legs higher around his waist to change the angle slightly, she smiled at him lazily. “I know I’ve got all I want right here.”


	22. Chances

Chapter 22

Except to eat occasionally and shower, they spent the majority of the next few days in bed. The only other diversion they allowed themselves was watching regular snippets of CNN or MSNBC on the bedroom television. Watching the news of the day together was a lot better than the two of them brooding about it in separate rooms.

Eventually, their supplies began to run a little low and they thought they’d better go into town and restock, getting, among other things, the condoms they’d been doing without. Not to mention that Donna thought it was time for Josh to contact Mike and get an update on how Leo was doing.

Of course, they had to take a shower together before they left so it took them a while to actually get out of the house.

They decided to make a bit of a day out of it, so they headed back into Show Low where there was a Wal-Mart Supercenter. Since they’d begun to feel a bit more secure at the house they planned to get some more clothes and shoes, toiletries and then household supplies like laundry detergent. They also planned to get some non-perishable food items, but since Show Low was nearly an hour and a half from the house, they were going to have lunch and then stop at Harry’s store on the way back for the majority of their perishable food stuffs.

“Wow, there are a lot of them,” Josh commented as he studied the display of condoms in the aisle at Wal-Mart. “I haven’t bought them for a while,” he clarified to Donna.

“What about Amy?” Donna said. “Please tell me you used something when you were with her.” 

“Yeah, now that you mention it, even though she was on the pill, I insisted we use a condom too,” he began. “We had more than one disagreement about it, but for some reason it just seemed wrong to me not to use one.”

Donna stared at him for a minute and couldn’t stop herself from asking. “Did it feel wrong not to use one...with me?” she asked quietly.

He looked sideways at her and gave a little lopsided smile. “Nope.” He turned back to study the display. “But then I wasn’t in love with Amy.”

Warmth spread through her chest as she studied his profile. “Thank God,” she murmured with a little smile. “Oh, wait, so then why didn’t you have to buy condoms?”

He looked a little sheepish. “It was sort of a compromise we worked out. We got to use them if she picked them out so she always supplied them.”

“Okay, you know what, I’m sorry I asked,” Donna replied.

“You brought it up.”

“I know I did and I’m officially closing the book on your sex life with Amy,” she said firmly. “Now while I try to get those images out of my head...” She patted him playfully on the shoulder. “...you pick out whatever kind you want. I’m going to go over to the next aisle and get some shampoo.”

He gave her a smile. “’kay, I’ll be there in just a minute.”

Leaving the cart with him, she started to walk away, but only got a few feet away before she stopped again. He saw her frown slightly as she studied something on the shelf. Reaching up, she pulled down two pregnancy test kits. She looked at them for a moment and then tossed them into the cart.

As if she felt Josh’s eyes on her, she looked over at him shyly. “Just in case.”

He didn’t know if he should say something more or not, so he nodded and gave her a reassuring smile.

She smiled back at him and then continued down the aisle. Josh watched her walk away, enjoying the subtle swing of her hips before she disappeared around the corner. The idea that she could be pregnant still failed to evoke any kind of panic in him. Just the opposite, in fact. The idea was really appealing.

Turning back to the display, Josh let out a breath. On the other hand, he knew Donna wasn’t as thrilled by the idea as he was so they’d use the condoms until she could get a hold of some birth control pills or she was ready to take the step of trying to get pregnant.

He still couldn’t quite decide which kind to get. Unfortunately, there wasn’t one huge, economy sized box as he’d hoped, just a lot of different kinds in many smaller boxes.

“Okay, this is stupid,” he muttered to himself. “I’m a virile, adult male. Picking out condoms should not be harder than picking Supreme Court Justice nominees.”

Suddenly, he grinned. Starting from the left, he started pulling down one box of each type they had and threw them in the cart. After all, he wanted to get a lot of condoms so he didn’t have to do this again for a while, didn’t he?

Donna would probably tease him and he’d be lucky if she didn’t make him check out all by himself so she wouldn’t have to be the recipient of the curious stares they were likely to get by buying so many condoms at once, not to mention the two pregnancy tests, but Josh didn’t care. 

Condoms meant sex with Donna and a lot of condoms meant a LOT of sex with her so he could live with some stares. Besides, they were in Show Low and not Snowflake, so it was entirely likely that he’d never see these people again.

Resisting the urge to whistle a little tune, Josh pushed the cart over to the next aisle with a grin on his face. He found Donna standing in the middle of the aisle with two small boxes in her hands. 

Hearing his approach, Donna looked up. “What, did you get them all?” she teased as she glanced into the cart.

“Pretty much, yeah,” he smirked back.

“Planning on having a lot of sex, aren’t you?” she commented with a grin.

“That’s the idea,” he replied. He frowned slightly as he saw what she was holding. “Hey, I thought you were going to get shampoo?”

Donna looked back down at the boxes she had in her hands. “Yeah, but I sort of got distracted and stopped here first.”

“Why are you looking at hair color?” he asked glancing over her shoulder. One box she was holding was a light blonde color close to her natural color and the other was the chestnut brown she’d currently died her hair. 

Donna felt like she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. It hadn’t occurred to her that he’d ask about it. Even though she knew it was a bad idea in terms of keeping a low profile, she’d been toying with the idea of changing her hair back.

“Oh...well, you know...” she hedged.

“I thought you wanted to keep you hair darker because it would make it harder for people to spot you?”

Donna swallowed, not sure what to say. “I did...I do. I just thought...” she trailed off with a little shrug.

“What’s going on, Donna?” he asked gently.

“Nothing,” she said quickly putting the boxes back on the shelf. “I was just looking. Let me just get some shampoo and we can go get the rest of the stuff on the list.”

As she turned away from him to look at the shampoo display on the opposite side of the aisle, he gently caught her arm. “Hey. I thought we were going to be honest with each other.”

Slowly, she turned back to him. “I was just thinking about my hair and whether or not I’d like to change it back, that’s all.”

“Why?”

“I...it was just a thought.“

“Donna...”

“I just....I thought maybe...” She paused, then the rest came out in a rush as if she was scared of the answer. “Josh, what do you think of me changing my hair back to blonde?”

He blinked in surprise and a little confusion. “I don’t care. It’s fine. Whatever you want. Like I said, I just thought you were set on keeping it dark for the time being.”

“You don’t have a preference?”

He gave a little shrug. “No, it’s your hair, it can be whatever color you like. Although I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make it, you know, purple or lime green,” he said going for some levity.

Donna didn’t so much as crack a smile. “You really don’t care?”

Sensing there was something bigger going on, he frowned. “No. Why would you think I would?”

“Because...” she caught herself. “…you know what, it’s not important.”

“It sounds like it’s important to you,” he said, getting a little more concerned.

“It’s no big deal,” she replied. “I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“I’m still unclear about what ‘it’ is?” Josh said.

“I just...you said...but then with Mandy, Joey and Amy...” Realizing she was babbling, she stopped. “Never mind.”

“What did I say?” he asked frowning harder.

Unexpectedly and much to Donna’s mortification, she felt tears swim in her eyes. “Can’t we talk about it later? Or better yet, forget I brought it up at all?”

Seeing her eyes fill, Josh immediately moved in closer and took her hand. “No, I think we should talk about it now,” he pressed gently. “Donna, what is it? What did I say?” 

She knew he wasn’t going to let it go. “When we were in Chicago...” she said, staring down at the floor. “And you were...hurt...” Her voice caught on the word.

“Go on...” he coaxed, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

“You woke up and...saw me,” she swallowed. “But I’d changed my hair and you didn’t recognize me.”

“Right, I remember, you were on the phone with Mrs. Bartlet and I thought maybe you were one of the bad guys,” he said. “I told you I was sorry about…”

“No, not then. Before that. You only woke up for like 20 seconds.” She sniffed softly. “You said...”

Josh had a terrible, sinking feeling. “What? What did I say?”

“You said...” She had to take a breath. “I didn’t look like...like...”

He hated the idea that he’d said something to hurt her. “Like what?”

“...like your Donna.”

At that moment, Josh would have liked nothing better than to cut his own tongue out. How could he have said such a thing? 

“God, Donna,” he said, pulling her into a hug. “I’m sorry. I can’t believe I said that.”

“Well, you were kind of delirious there for a while. You didn’t know what you were saying,” she told him as she rushed on a little tearfully. “But I thought maybe you’d...like it better if I put it back the way it was.”

He pulled back. “Hey, you know how I hate it when you cry,” he said brushing away a tear that had begun to slide down her cheek. “I promise, if you like your hair, I’ll like your hair,” he told her. “Although I will admit I’ve missed your hair the way it was, I’ve gotten used to it being shorter and darker and it looks nice that way too.”

Donna looked relieved. “Really? Because I didn’t plan on keeping it dark. Once things calm down I was going to put it back. To be honest, I kind of miss it too.”

“Well, good, I’m glad we’ve got that settled. Now…” he frowned. ‘Wait a second. Why did you mention Mandy, Joey, and Amy a minute ago?”

Her heart took a plunge. “Oh, that…” 

Josh could see her practically squirming. “Yes, that. How did they wind up in the discussion about your hair?” He wasn’t angry, just baffled.

She gripped the side of the cart and sighed. She might as well get it over with. “I’m just being neurotic and insecure.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when I was standing here looking at both boxes of hair color and trying to decide, I just...I remembered what you said in Chicago, but...” She gave a helpless little shrug. “...it also occurred to me that in the past you seemed to have a tendency toward brunettes…not to mention women with names who end in ‘y.’”

“Ahhhh, I see what you mean.” To her surprise, he smiled. “No, Donna, I had a tendency toward women that were the opposite of you,” he told her. “That way no one would suspect how I really felt...including you.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah, Joey Lucas, the second in the brunette triad, called it misdirection.” He paused and looked at her steadily. “Donna, I know who I’m with and it has nothing to do with what color your hair WAS, IS or will be.”

Not caring that they were standing in the middle of the hair care aisle at Wal-Mart, Donna threw her arms around him. “Have I mentioned in the last five minutes how much I love you?” she whispered.

Hugging her back, he grinned. “Nope, but feel free to say it just as often as you like.”

They hugged for a minute longer, then Josh released her. “Okay, now that we’ve put that to rest, pick out some shampoo so we can move onto our next stop.”

Donna gave him a happy little nod and pulled down the brand of shampoo and conditioner she wanted and dropped them into the cart. Then she fished the shopping list out of her pocket and scanned the remaining items. 

“Okay, it looks like we should hit the detergent aisle next to get laundry soap.”

“Nope,” Josh said as he started pushing the cart down the aisle.

“Nope? But we need detergent,” she said as she followed along next to him.

“I know and we’ll get some, but I want to make another stop first,” he said pushing the cart down the main aisle toward the center of the gigantic store.

Donna narrowed her gaze at him curiously. “What stop?”

“You’ll see,” he answered.

“What are you up to?”

“Nothing,” he said with a shrug that was meant to be careless but wound up looking suspicious.

“Then why are you being all mysterious?”

“Who me?” he said with mock guilelessness. “Why I don’t have a mysterious bone in my body.” He laughed when Donna snorted at that. “Okay, so I can be a little mysterious. Just enjoy it.”

“But, Josh, you know I can’t stand it when you know something and I don’t.”

His grin widened. “Yes. Which I suppose is the point of not telling you.”

“Please, Josh!” she said practically bouncing up and down with excitement by that time.

“No,” he said stopping the cart. 

“Why not?”

“Because you can see for yourself,” he replied. “We’re here.”

Donna blinked in surprise. “We’re here? This is the special stop you wanted to make?” she asked looking at the display of fairly ugly leather sandals that filled the center of the wide aisle they were standing in.

He shook his head and tried not to laugh. “Turn around, Donnatella.”

“Oh, sorry, I…” her voice trailed off as she turned and found herself facing the wide jewelry counter. 

Why would Josh have brought her here?

Not really knowing exactly why they were there and being a little unsure, she fell back on her trivia defense.

“Did you know that Wal-Mart is the largest jewelry seller in the U.S.?” she said brightly. 

“Why, yes, I did know that,” he told her. “I read commerce reports too.” Sensing her confusion and maybe a little trepidation, he held out his hand. “Come over here.” 

Tentatively, she walked around the cart, and taking his hand, stood next to him at the counter. Her heart started beating fast and hard when she saw they were standing in front of a selection of rings.

Wedding rings...wedding bands to be exact.

Josh saw that the associate manning the counter was over helping another customer so he leaned in close to Donna so no one would hear them.

“In a million years I never would have chosen to get our wedding bands at Wal-Mart,” he told her softly. “But I wanted you to have something, so I’d like you to pick out a set of wedding bands here and consider them stand-ins for the real thing.”

“You…you…” She swallowed. “…don’t have to have to do this.”

“I know, but I want to. And when we get back to D.C. I’ll take you out to any jewelry store you want and you can pick out a real set of wedding bands for us.”

Stunned and speechless, she stared at him. Her heart was beating so hard she didn’t know how it hadn’t burst from her chest to land throbbing at his feet.

He looked suddenly shy. “And contrary to what I said about ME not wanting an engagement ring...” he said with a little smile. “I’d like to give YOU one. I have an engagement ring at home that I’d like you to have. My mom sent it to me when she cleaned out the house in Connecticut. It was the engagement ring my Dad gave her.” 

He paused a little nervously as she only continued to stare at him silently. 

“Of course, if you don’t like it you could take the diamond out of it and have a new setting made...” Great, now he was babbling. “Or I could just buy you a brand new engagement ring. I mean whatever you want, I…”

Donna laid her hand over his mouth. “You can stop talking now. You had me at ‘wedding band.’” She moved her hand to cup his cheek. “Once again, I’d like to say, I love you very much and any engagement ring you give me, whether it be your mom’s, or one from Tiffany’s, Wal-Mart, or out of a box of Crackerjack is going to be perfect.”

He grinned in relief. “Crackerjack, huh? That would save me a lot of money.”

“That it would,” she replied with a little smirk. “Of course, it would also ensure that you wouldn’t be having sex on a regular basis for a while either.”

“You know, I never did like Crackerjack,” he put in right away. “The sugar is bad for you, the popcorn gets stuck in your teeth and the few paltry peanuts they give you are always in the bottom of the box.”

She grinned a bit wider. “That’s what I thought.” 

While they waited for the associate, Donna looked down at the rings in the display case.

It did not escape Josh’s attention that her smile slowly faded, and he suspected that it had nothing to do with her concentrating on the jewelry. 

“What’s wrong?” he said gently as he stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

She sighed and gave a little shrug. “I just wish…I wish we could get married now.”

He rested his chin on her shoulder. “I figured you’d want a nice big wedding, doesn’t that take time to plan?” he asked.

“Even if I did, I couldn’t start planning until this thing is all over and we were back home,” she replied. “Besides, I don’t want a big wedding. Being married to you is enough for me.”

Josh felt a wave of emotion roll through his chest. “Well, then let’s get married now. Let’s just go find a Justice of the Peace and do it.” He gave her a little squeeze. “What do you say, you wanna get hitched?”

He was teasing her a bit, but she couldn’t rise to it. Staring down at the case again, she saw the rings blur a bit as tears gathered in her eyes.

“How can we? How can we take that chance?” she said trying to keep her voice steady as she stared blankly at the rings. “What if someone tracks us down through our marriage license? It’s a public record. A lot of places, even small places like Snowflake, file their documents electronically.” She swallowed. “And I don’t want to use fake names or something. I want to marry you as me, not as Patty Parker, God, I hate that name...” She gave a sad little laugh. “...or as anyone else, just me.”

He heard the tears in her voice and felt a slight tremor go through her as she fought not to cry. 

“Hey,” he said. Turning her around, he pulled her into a hug. “I didn’t mean this to make you sad.”

Donna hugged him tightly and rubbed her cheek against his. “Oh, Josh, I know you didn’t and it didn’t make me sad. It was really very sweet.” Releasing him, she took a step back and swiped her damp cheeks. “I’m sorry, it’s just...the situation is frustrating. We’re together but it feels like there are still things keeping us apart.”

He tucked some hair behind her ear. “Donna,” he began gently. “As long as we’ve got each other, nothing is going to keep us apart.”

She smiled. “Yeah, I know. I guess I just need to be reminded of that once in a while.”

“That’s what you’ve got me for,” he said rubbing a hand over her back. “Hey, I’ve got an idea.”

“What’s that?”

“You know, we don’t really need a marriage license to get married,” he told her.

She gave him a little smile. “Well, I’m guessing that any number of law enforcement officials would disagree with you there, Joshua.”

“In the eyes of the law, yes,” he agreed. “But not between us. Not in our eyes.”

She frowned slightly in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“We could still have a wedding on our own,” he told her. “Just the two of us.”

Donna’s heart started pounding hard and fast again. “Really?”

“Sure. We could have it out at the house or wherever you want and we could do it up however you wanted. Then after people, you know, stop chasing us, we could take care of the legal end of things and file all the paperwork so the law enforcement types would be happy.”

“You’d do that?” she asked softly. “You’d marry me twice?”

Tenderly, he brought his hand up and touched his fingers to her jaw. “I’ll marry you as many times as you want...as many times as it takes.”

Sliding her arms around his waist, she smiled and felt the world with all its possibilities and wonder open before her. Everything inside her seemed to melt into a large heated pool, deep in her belly.

“I don’t need you to marry me to know that.” Her voice was soft when she leaned in close. “All I have to do is look at you. The look in your eyes tells me everything I need to know.”

***********

Later, after they’d had some lunch in Show Low and were driving back to Snowflake, Donna sat in the passenger seat, staring down at the matching wedding bands nestled inside the small box. They were just simple, unadorned gold bands but to her they were perfect.

They’d decided not to wear them until after they’d gotten ‘married’ and despite her earlier upset about not being able to get officially married, seeing the rings shining in her hand, now gave her an odd sense of contentment. She supposed that a lot of that came from what Josh had said to her about them getting married in a ‘private’ ceremony. It meant a lot that he was willing to do that for her. 

Carefully closing the box lid, Donna slid it into her purse. “You know, I think I’d like to do it.”

He glanced over at her with a dimpled grin. “Well, Donnatella, as much as I like you propositioning me for sex on a regular basis, I’m driving right now and I’m pretty sure we’d be in violation of any number of traffic laws. But if you’re determined to have your way with me, I could pull over.”

“Josh…” she said, giving him a playful jab in the arm. “I mean about the wedding thing.”

“Good,” he replied. “But are you sure you don’t want me to pull over?”

“A little love-starved there, Joshua?” she teased.

“Where you’re concerned, Donnatella, any time I’m not in full body contact, I’m a lot love-starved.”

She looked at him and for half a second considered making him pull over after all. When he said things like that to her, she really did want to jump him.

“Have I mentioned that you’re really good at this boyfriend/fiancé thing?” she told him instead.

“Yeah?” he said with a lopsided little smirk. “That would be a first for me.” His smirk faded to a gentle smile. “And I’m glad about the wedding thing.”

Feeling the love for him all but rise up and choke her, she watched him for a moment. “I thought maybe we could do something in a couple weeks. On the weekend maybe. It would give me a little bit of time to get both of us something to wear and set up a few things.”

“I think that sounds great,” he replied. “I had an idea too. How about taking a trip to Phoenix next Friday? Just for the day. I figured I’d have Mike send us a few more things and he could ship it to a FedEx Office there so there would be no chance that someone could follow it to us here. Then maybe we could make it a shopping day, have lunch, or whatever you want to do.” He grinned. “I might even be persuaded to buy you some shoes.”

“Well, I’m always ready to go shoe shopping!” she said with an excited grin. “Wait, but isn’t Phoenix kind of far from here?”

“I looked on the map and it’s about a 3 hour drive,” he told her. “I don’t mind driving if you’d like to go.”

She was excited at the prospect at spending a semi-normal day with Josh, just doing what people do. “I’d like that.”

“Good,” he said glad that the idea seemed to please her. “It’s a date.”

Just then the cell phone lying on the car’s center console began to ring. Neither of them was surprised as they’d sent Mike a non-emergency text message just as they left Wal-Mart. 

Donna picked up the phone and hit the ‘talk’ button. “Hi,” she greeted Mike warmly. “Hang on just a second while I put you on speaker phone.” She hit the button. “Can you hear me now?” she said with a laugh. “I’ve always wanted to say that.”

Mike chuckled. “Someone’s in a good mood. Is the gang all there?”

“Yep, I’m just playing Driving Miss Daisy for my lovely traveling companion here,” Josh said.

“Hey! That means I’m the feeble, almost senile old lady!” Donna said in mock outrage.

“That’s right, Miss Daisy!” Josh replied in his best Southern accent.

She jabbed him in the arm again. “Just remember, mister, you’ll always be older than me!”

It occurred to Mike that in the month and a half since Amy Gardner’s murder, this was the first time they’d sounded like...well, like Josh and Donna. It was good to hear.

“It sounds like you’re both in a good mood. Things are going well, I take it?” Mike asked them.

Josh glanced at Donna and smiled. “They are indeed.”

“Glad to hear it,” Mike told them. “Now what can I do for you?”

“A couple things,” Josh replied. “First and foremost we’re calling to find out how a certain friend of ours is doing. A certain white haired, senior political official that we all know.”

Mike paused for a moment. He’d been asking Mrs. Bartlet for regular reports on Leo just in case Josh and Donna called to ask about it. 

“It’s been touch and go. His condition has been very serious, he had to have bypass surgery two days ago. He was found in the woods near your old boss’s retreat. But the report I got yesterday was that it looks like he’s going to make it.”

Josh gave a little sigh of relief. “Okay, good. Thanks. Please give him our best and tell him we’re sorry we can’t be there.”

“I will,” he answered.

Mike wondered if he should find a way to tell them the rest of what he knew, but he didn’t know how to go into it over the open cell phone so he held his tongue as Donna spoke.

“How’s everyone else?” she asked.

“They’re fine,” Mike told her. “They all miss you. Even the grumpy one.”

Josh and Donna exchanged a grin at Mike calling Toby the ‘grumpy one’. It was true of course, but still funny to hear.

“Oh, we also need you to send us some more money,” Josh said.

“Sure. No problem,” Mike told him. “Do you want the same amount that I sent you last time?”

“No, I think half that much will be enough,” Josh replied as they drove through the outskirts of Snowflake.

“I’ll take care of it. I’ll also put in some other information I think you should know,” he said cryptically.

Josh glanced at Donna and he saw a frown on her face that matched his own. “Anything we need to worry about?” he asked.

Mike paused briefly. “I don’t think you need to worry exactly, but there is some information you’ll find very interesting. I can’t go into it more than that right now.”

Josh had a weird sense of foreboding. “Well, I look forward to reading it.” Reaching into his shirt pocket he pulled out a slip of paper and handed it to Donna. “Okay, Miss Daisy here is going to give you the info you need on where to send the package.”

“All right, I’m ready,” Mike said. 

Using the communication protocol included in their portfolio from Mike, Josh had already put together the code phrase Mike would need to identify the correct FedEx office in Phoenix. Donna read the phrase twice out loud.

“Okay, got it,” Mike told them. “Do you need anything else?”

Josh glanced at Donna. She must have seen something in his eyes because she stared back at him curiously.

“Yes, there is,” Josh began. “I need to you to talk to my friend, the one who’s taking care of my affairs...the grumpy one,” he joked. “I need him to get something, a small box out of my safety deposit box. He has the key. It’s the only non-paper thing in the safety deposit box.”

Donna covered her mouth, the engagement ring. He was having Mike send the engagement ring.

“Okay, I’ll speak to Grumpy about it. Once he gets it, what do you want me to do with it?” he asked, even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

“Include it in the package you’re sending,” Josh answered. 

Mike paused for a long moment. “Is there anything you’d like to share with the class?”

Josh glanced at Donna and she nodded.

“Well, Miss Daisy asked me to marry her and for reasons passing understanding I said yes,” Josh said giving Donna a grin. 

Donna rolled her eyes. “Don’t let him fool you, HE asked ME first!”

“Yes, and I did and you mocked my perfectly acceptable proposal,” Josh shot back. 

The two of them laughed about it, but when there was a significant silence from Mike’s end of the phone, Josh frowned. “Hey, you still there?”

Mike cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m here.” His voice was distinctly more serious than it had been before.

“Is something wrong?” Josh asked.

Sometimes Mike really hated his job. Hated what it sometimes required him to do. The box Josh was asking for had to contain an engagement ring. He’d bet a years salary on it. 

They’d finally done it. They’d finally managed to figure out what everyone else had known for years.

And now he had to tell them they couldn’t do anything about it.

“You two have no idea how hard this is for me to say, but you can’t get married right now,” he said, the regret heavy in his voice. ”Not before everything is resolved. There are ways to track that kind of thing.”

Josh took hold of Donna’s hand. “Yeah, we know,” he said a little sadly as he gave it a squeeze. “As much as we don’t want to wait, we know we have to.” 

“I’m really sorry,” Mike told them.

Donna spoke before Josh could. “It’s okay. As long as we’re together, we’ll be fine.” 

Knowing she was speaking as much to him as she was to Mike, Josh gave her a smile and nodded before turning back toward the phone.

“Oh, and there’s no huge rush on shipping the package. We can’t pick it up until Friday of next week anyway,” Josh added.

“Great that will give me plenty of time to put everything together,” Mike replied. 

“Well, I guess that’s all for now,” Josh told him as they pulled up and parked in front of Harry’s store and he shut off the engine.

“Okay, you guys take it easy and watch your backs. This is no time to let your guard down,” Mike told them. “I’ll be sure to have the package there on Friday.”

“Thanks for everything, Mike,” Josh said, before he hung up the phone and switched it off again. He looked up to see Donna looking at him with a soft smile. “What are you smiling about?”

“You didn’t have to send the ring, you know,” Donna told him. “I could have waited.”

“I know.”

“But it was very, very sweet,” she said. 

Leaning across the center console, she slid her hand behind his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. A kiss that started gentle and tender, but quickly escalated from there.

“Just how fast do you think we can get our shopping done?” Donna asked still breathing hard from their kiss.

“Um...” Josh began trying to get some blood flowing back to his brain. “I don’t know. Why?”

She gave him a seductive little smile. “I seem to remember you saying something about me having my way with you in the car. I thought maybe I’d take you up on that.”

“What? Here?!” he said, his voice getting high and squeaky.

Donna rolled her eyes. “Yes, Josh, because I’d like to be arrested for public indecency and lewd acts.”

“You want...to perform lewd acts...with me...in the car?” The idea sent the blood flow in his body plunging southward again.

Loving the aroused tone in his voice, she grinned. “Yes, but to avoid the getting arrested part, I thought maybe I’d wait until we were parked in the garage at home.”

“I vote to skip the shopping and break the speed limit getting home,” Josh said immediately.

“Shopping first, Joshua, then lewd acts.” 

“Aw, come on, Donna, please?” Josh begged.

“Nope, shopping first,” she insisted. “But we don’t have to unload the car first when we get there,” she conceded as she toyed with the strap of the sundress she was wearing. “Oh, and Joshua, have I mentioned that I’m not wearing any underwear?”

“God, Donna,” he breathed. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“Nope, that’s the farthest thing from my mind,” she replied with a smirk. “I’m just giving you a little food for thought. I definitely want you alive and well and all your...parts functioning properly.”

“Are you SURE we can’t skip the shopping?” he tried one last time.

“Nope.”

He could see she was determined to torture him. 

“Oh-kay,” he finally said. “But I hope you know that I’m probably going to get some weird looks in the store.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Well, you sort of got me...rising to the occasion,” he told her. 

Glancing down at his crotch, she saw the partial but definitely noticeable erection that was tenting his shorts slightly and gave him a little grin. 

She grinned. “Don’t worry, I’ll let you push the cart. You can hide behind it.”


	23. Chances

Chapter 23

The next few days passed in a pleasant blur. Although Josh and Donna didn’t actually do a whole lot, they never got bored and always found a way to occupy themselves. When they weren’t making love on any available flat surface, they took long walks on the property, played cards, made use of the books and other games in the den, talked, watched TV, cooked and generally puttered around the large house.

The only thing marring their days was that fact that Donna began to have nightmares again. What disturbed Josh the most was that she was having them even when he was in bed with her. 

She seemed happy enough otherwise and he wondered if the happiness and security she was beginning to feel again was what had contributed to her nightmares. From his own experiences after Rosslyn, he knew that his own nightmares had started only as he’d began to heal and the initial shock of what had happened to him had begun to wear off. 

Her nightmares weren’t screaming nightmares. Most of the time it was just a case of her being restless in her sleep, or calling his name as if she couldn’t find him. Sometimes she would just cry or whimper in her sleep. Often she didn’t even fully wake up and usually Josh could soothe her back under with a touch or whispered words of reassurance.

In hindsight, Josh would realize that he should have seen what happened two nights before they were supposed to go to Phoenix coming a mile a way.

But the reality was, he didn’t see it coming and it hit him like a freight train.

**********

“Ugh, I’m stuffed,” Josh said with a little grunt as he set the empty dessert plate down on the coffee table. “I had no idea that you could cook, not to mention bake so well.”

“One of my many hidden talents,” Donna said with a grin as she finished off the last bite of the apple cobbler she’d made for dessert. “Plus, it’s not like I ever had much time to do either one when we were in D.C.”

“I see your point,” Josh replied as they both snuggled together on the couch watching ‘Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.’ The two of them had finished cleaning up the kitchen and doing the rest of the dinner dishes before they sat down.

“I love this movie,” Donna commented as she set her plate down next to his and rested her head on his shoulder. 

“I know, I do too,” Josh agreed as they watched Jimmy Stewart go to the Lincoln Memorial and be awed by the sight of Lincoln and the great words depicted on the walls around him. 

“That reminds me of when you and Sam took me to the Lincoln Memorial for the first time,” she said.

He slipped an arm around her shoulders. “Well, when you told us you’d never been there, we knew we had to take you. There’s something about the Lincoln Memorial, something that makes you feel like a torch is being passed.”

The part of the scene where a young boy stands in the memorial and reads the Gettysburg Address came up. ”That scene reminds me of Sam that night, remember?”

Josh nodded. “Yeah, Sam started to read it out loud that night too and he got all choked up.”

“That’s right,” she added. “Toward the end I finished reading it for him because he couldn’t speak.”

“Yeah,” Josh said softly as he remembered. “I miss Sam. I wish we could find a way to pry him out of California.”

“Me too,” she agreed. “But now that he’s started working at a new law firm, I don’t think he’ll be coming back to D.C. any time soon.”

“I suppose not,” he said wistfully. 

Snuggling together, the two of them sat there quietly and watched the rest of the movie without much further comment.

As the end credits began to roll, Donna yawned hugely. 

“I think it’s past someone’s bedtime,” Josh said with a grin.

She looked at the clock. “I can’t be tired yet. It’s only ten o’clock,” she said with an annoyed little pout. “I didn’t use to get tired before midnight.”

He gave her pouty little mouth a kiss. “It’s all this healthy living.”

“Well, I think it’s more a case of you never letting me sleep for more than an hour or two before you wake me up so we can make love again,” she teased.

“Hey, I’m not the one who woke us up at four this morning. As I recall you were the one putting her mouth to use in ways that were definitely NOT conducive to sleeping.”

She grinned up at him. “I did do that, didn’t I?”

“Yes, indeed,” he smirked. “Not that I didn’t appreciate it, of course.”

“As I recall you appreciated it twice in the span of about 30 minutes.”

“You have a very talented mouth, Donnatella.”

She stretched up to kiss him, but paused as her mouth hovered near his. “And you, Joshua, have made me a sex addict.”

“Well, I’m hardly going to apologize for that,” he replied. 

Leaning in the rest of the way, he completed their kiss. Both tasting of apple, their mouths and tongues danced fluidly together, raising temperatures and heart rates until they had to break apart to find some oxygen.

“I have an idea,” Donna said breathing a little hard.

“Does it involve more kissing? Because if it does, I’m in.”

“Kissing is indeed involved,” Donna replied with a bit of a breathless grin. “How about if we watch a little news and then we can go upstairs and have a little contest to see whose mouth is the most talented.”

“Or we could stay right here, skip the news part altogether and go right to the contest,” he wiggled his eyebrows. “You know how competitive I am.”

She grinned. “This is true, but as much as I’d like to skip to the competition, you know we also have to keep up with what’s going on in case something happens in Washington or with Stone. And, as I recall, we’ve managed to go all day without watching the news so we’d better at least take a peek.” She thumbed the remote and had the TV switching from the movie channel they’d been watching to CNN.

He trailed his lips down her neck, sending a little shiver through her. “I have other things that I’d rather take a peek at.”

The remote slid out of her hand and clattered unnoticed to the hardwood floor. “Okay, so who needs to be informed,” she said, bringing her hand up to toy with the nape of his neck as his fingers began to unbutton her shirt and his mouth followed the newly exposed path as Larry King droned on in the background.

“Thank you for joining us tonight. The story that has everyone talking tonight is the unexpected announcement from the White House this morning as the President named a new Chief of Staff to replace the ailing Leo McGarry.”

Josh and Donna’s heads both snapped up at the same time.

They watched as the image changed to the White House press room and CJ stepped to the podium and began to speak. 

“Good Morning. This will be my last briefing as White House Press Secretary. Toby Ziegler will be filling in until the President names a replacement, I’ll ask you to please be kind to him and if you can’t be kind, at least speak slowly. These past six years working for this exceptional group of journalists...”

Carol stepped forward with a slip of paper which she handed to CJ. She read the note and cleared her voice.

“I’m sorry...thank you...Ladies and gentlemen, The President of the United States.”

The President walked into the room and confidently strode to the podium and slipping on his glasses, began to read a prepared statement.

“Thank you. After undergoing bypass surgery at Bethesda Navel Hospital, I’m relieved to announce that Leo McGarry is in stable condition and headed for a full recovery. Though he will always be a very valuable part of this administration, he will not be returning to his post. I am, therefore pleased and terribly proud to announce that, effective immediately, the position of White House Chief of Staff will be filled by Claudia Jean Craig.” 

“Oh, wow,” Josh murmured softly as he stared at the TV.

Donna pressed her hand to her mouth. That job should have gone to Josh. He’d missed out on that opportunity because he was with her. If he’d still been working in the White House she knew he would have gotten the job. He was the deputy after all.

Or had been before he resigned.

She felt her heart sink into her feet and her stomach give a greasy roll. Part of her had held out hope that Leo would be well enough to take back the reigns after his heart attack or that somehow they’d wait until Josh got back. She knew it had been unrealistic, but she’d held onto that hope nonetheless.

“That must have been one of the things that Mike hadn’t been able to tell us over the phone,” Josh commented quietly. 

When she didn’t say anything, he looked at her as she stared at the TV. Her hand was pressed to her mouth and he could see that she was trying not to cry.

“Donna?”

It took her a moment to answer and he could see her swallow down the emotions she was feeling as she pulled her hand away from her mouth to speak.

“Yes?” she said not looking away from the TV. Her voice had trembled on even the single word.

“I know what you’re thinking and I want you to stop it,” he said firmly.

Now she did look at him. “What? I’m just surprised,” she said unconvincingly.

“No, you’re feeling guilty and you shouldn’t. It’s not your fault that I didn’t get the job,” he told her. “This had to happen sooner or later. Without a Chief of Staff things would have fallen through the cracks. They needed someone to take over for Leo.”

She stood up and paced a short distance away, then turned back to him. “Yes, and it should have been you,” she said angrily. “It WOULD have been if it weren’t for you being here…with me.”

Josh ran a hand through his hair. “We are not going to have this conversation again, Donna,” he said as he got up and walked over to her. “This changes nothing for me.”

“But…”

“No buts…I made my choice and I don’t regret it. Am I a tiny bit disappointed? Sure I am. But I’ve been expecting this or something like this ever since I resigned. At first I figured it would be a replacement for my job as deputy. But ever since Leo’s heart attack I knew this day was coming.” He took hold of her arms so she couldn’t turn away. “I didn’t expect CJ to picked for the job, but I knew that they had to have someone to take over for him at least in an interim capacity.”

“But if you’d been there…”

“Even if I’d been there, there’s no guarantee the President would have given me the job.” 

Donna pulled him into her arms. “Of course, he would have given you the job,” she said tearfully as she buried her face in his neck. “You’re the perfect choice.”

Hugging her, he rubbed his hand over her back. “Well, I appreciate your faith in me, but I’m not at all sure that the President would agree with you. He and Leo have a unique relationship that he and I have never had. There have been any number of times that I know I’ve been on his bad side.”

“No one’s perfect, Josh,” she said as she pulled back enough to look up at him. “But CJ of all people? I mean I love her like a sister and all, but how is she even qualified for the job? She doesn’t really know the Hill, at least not like you and Toby, and she has no national security experience.”

Josh smiled a little at the tears that were trailing down her face. While he didn’t want her upset, it touched him that she worried so much and was doing all she could to stand up for him. 

He brought his fingers up to wipe away her tears. “All good points, but I guess the President saw something in her that made him think she could do the job. We know she can bring the smack down. Maybe he figures she’ll learn the rest. She’ll have people advising her. You don’t always have to know everything going in to be a good leader. Some jobs are all about on the job training.”

“I can’t believe you’re so calm about this,” she said with a sniff.

Josh let out a breath. “Well, let’s just say, I’m learning to pick my battles a little more carefully. Being chased by a lunatic and being in love kind of does that to me.”

Donna’s face melted into a smile. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” he said with a little laugh. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous of CJ, but even if the job was a sure thing for me, I’d rather be here with you, than there without you.”

Laying her hand on his cheek, she gave a little sigh. “That was nicely said.”

He turned his head and kissed her palm. “I guess what I’ve been trying to get through that rock hard head of yours is that I love you more than any job.”

“I’m beginning to believe it,” she said giving his hand a squeeze. “I swear.”

“Good,” he said tugging on her hand. “Now come sit down and let’s see what Larry King is saying about CJ taking over.”

The two of them walked back to the couch. Josh sat down first and pulled Donna into his lap as they watched the rest of the Larry King show in silence. Like Donna, Larry King and his guests commented often on CJ’s lack of experience. There was even speculation concerning the possibility that Josh, as Leo’s deputy, would have been the natural choice if he hadn’t resigned. When they said that, Josh just held Donna a little tighter in an attempt to reassure her.

“Okay, I’ve seen enough,” Donna said as Larry King finished and Josh flipped over to MSNBC where Chris Matthews was putting his own spin on CJ’s appointment. “I’m going to go take a shower and go to bed.” 

“’kay.” Laying his hand on her jaw, he turned her face up to his and kissed her. “I’m going to finish watching this and then I’ll be up.”

She smiled as she pushed herself out of his lap. “Good, because I believe we have a contest to finish.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” he said, grinning back at her as she walked to the stairs and headed up to bed.

While he sat there and listened to Chris Matthews and his guests discuss the shift in the White House, Josh felt a mixed bag of emotions. While he hadn’t lied to Donna about how he felt about CJ taking over as COS, he had downplayed it just a bit. He was a bit jealous and disappointed, but not bitterly. Although he had thought that maybe a chief of staff job would be in his future, he never expected it to be under Jed Bartlet’s administration. It wasn’t like he’d been waiting around for Leo to quit or give up his position. In his mind, Leo was the chief of staff for Jed Bartlet and that was that.

As he thought about it, Josh realized that if he was being honest with himself he almost felt a sense of…relief that this had happened. Part of him, a big part, worried that if he had been in D.C. and the President had offered him the job, which in his mind really wasn’t a sure thing, it would mean choosing between the White House and Donna. Although he would have chosen Donna without much hesitation, it would have been that much harder to do it under those circumstances. Now the decision had been taken away from him it was almost like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

Even after Chris Matthews finished and another news anchor came on for the late news, Josh sat there and considered how things had changed at the White House…and he didn’t just mean CJ becoming COS. 

It definitely wasn’t the glory of those early years in office. Sam was gone, Leo, at least for the time being, was gone, and the President’s M.S. was an ever present specter hanging over the administration. CJ’s leadership would definitely be different than Leo’s, especially as she had to overcome the huge learning curve she was likely to face. Even if he and Donna were back working there, things would be different.

Donna…

Josh stared up at the ceiling, almost as if he could use some kind of x-ray vision to see her through the floor.

Even Donna was different now. Good different in his opinion, but different nonetheless. 

She’s clearly grown beyond the job of his assistant…had grown beyond it a long time ago. Now that he knew he didn’t need to keep her in that job to hang onto her, he let himself consider what else she might do when they eventually went back to D.C.

Toby still needed a deputy, maybe she could work there or any of a number of other positions in the White House. She could go back to school, although that might be a waste as she could TEACH most of the political science and government classes she would need to take. Of course, there was also the fact that if the word was put out she was looking for a position and anyone offering her one wouldn’t be crushed into dust by him, she could probably find a number of opportunities on the Hill. 

The possibilities for her professional future were nearly unlimited. It would just be a matter of what she chose to pursue.

On the other hand, the possibilities for her personal future were as limited as his were. They had each other and that was pretty much where the possibilities ended. 

Unless of course, there were little ‘Josh and Donnas’. For Josh there would always be room for those possibilities, but that too would be something Donna would have to want as much as he did. And if she didn’t, he could live with that too. 

He let out a yawn and scrubbed a hand over his face. Looking up, he blinked in surprise to see that it was almost 1:30 am. Picking up their dessert dishes, he carried them into the kitchen and after rinsing them, left them in the sink.

Turning off all the lights and making a last trip around the house to make sure all the doors and windows were closed and locked, Josh walked to the stairs. Donna had probably fallen asleep waiting for him to show up for ‘the contest.’

He grinned as he climbed the stairs. Seeing as how they didn’t have to get up early and go anyplace, he’d just have to use the first round of the contest to wake her up again. Her mouth wasn’t the only one that was talented.

As he’d expected, when he reached the top of the stairs he saw that she’d left the lamp on low for him.

But his heart immediately jumped into his throat when he saw that the lamp was knocked over and the bed was empty.

The lamp didn’t look broken, it was only laying on its side on the wide nightstand which is why he probably hadn’t heard anything downstairs. Since Donna was pretty particular about making the bed in the morning, the rumpled state of the sheets told him that at some point, she had gotten into bed.

A million possibilities ran through his mind. The first and foremost was Stone had somehow gotten in the house and gotten to her?

“DONNA!” he yelled.

There was no response. 

Except for the lamp, there were no other signs of disturbance in the bedroom. No signs that there had been a struggle.

He ran around to the other side of the bed in case she’d fallen out of bed or was over there, but found nothing.

“DONNA!!!!” he yelled again.

The bathroom. Maybe she’d decided to brave taking a bath rather than a shower and either couldn’t hear him or had fallen asleep in the tub. Or...what if she’d slipped and fallen in the shower or the bathroom and was unconscious?

Running full out, he raced from the bedroom, through the darkened walk-in closet and into the equally dark bathroom.

Flipping on the light, his heart plummeted to see the bathroom was empty. “Dammit, Donna, where are you?!” he wondered out loud.

Water droplets still dotted the shower and a wet towel hung from the rack, both testaments to the fact that she’d been in there earlier and taken a shower just like she’d told him she was going to.

He stood there trying to figure out what to do next. Where to LOOK next. 

His mind seemed to go in ten directions at once. Again, Stone or his people seemed like a good bet…but something in him couldn’t help but wonder if she’d taken off on him again. 

Had the news of CJ’s appointment to COS set her off again?


	24. Chances

Chapter 24

Josh didn’t want to believe it. NO. He WOULDN’T believe it. Not after all they’d talked through and all they’d become to each other. There had to be another answer.

Then he heard it.

If he hadn’t been running earlier he probably would have heard it then. Now that the sound of his racing heart and his lungs pumping for oxygen wasn’t deafening him, it began to penetrate his brain.

It was the sound of crying.

The sound of Donna...crying.

The problem was, he couldn’t quite tell where it was coming from.

“Donna?” he called, rather than screamed. 

Trying to follow the sound, Josh stepped out of the bathroom and entered the darkened walk-in closet. The sound of crying was louder there and he was pretty sure she was somewhere inside.

“Donna?” he tried again. “Where are you?”

The sound of her crying ceased, or at least got quiet enough he couldn’t really hear it. He didn’t know what was going on, but he was starting to get a really bad feeling.

Even though they didn’t have a lot of stuff in it, there were a lot of places where someone could hide in the dark, not to mention, enormous walk-in closet.

It was not just a simple square. It was more of a rectangle with not only hanger rods and shelves but with actual built in cabinets and a dressing area in the center. There were also ‘his’ and ‘hers’ pass throughs from the bedroom to the bathroom.

Feeling around for the light switch, Josh flooded the room with light. He still didn’t see her, but he heard her give a scared little cry as if the light had frightened her.

“Donna?” he called again. 

The only reply he received was the continued sound of her crying, but he could now pinpoint it as coming from the ‘hers’ side of the closet.

As he walked around a bank of the built-in cabinets to the ‘hers’ pass through, he saw that one of the segments of the sliding wardrobe doors was cracked open a few inches. The crying was definitely coming from inside.

“Donna...?” he tried again.

The sobbing seemed to get a little softer. Not fainter like he was moving in the wrong direction, but quieter.

“Okay, Donna, you’re officially freaking me out,” he said as he reached for the wardrobe door and started to slowly pull it open. “Now what’s the...”

The next thing he knew he heard what sounded almost like an animal-like grunt and a tennis shoe came flying out and hit him square in the chest.

The motion surprised him more than hurt him and he jerked his hand back, making the wardrobe door fly all the way open.

“Donna!!! What the hell...?” he said in stunned confusion as he rubbed the spot on his chest.

With the wardrobe door open, Donna’s broken sobbing was louder now and her only answer was a rapid series of things flying out of the closet at him. Shoes, clothes, a hair brush.

“Donna, stop throwing things at me!” he yelled as he ducked another shoe.

“Stay away!” she said.

Worried for her and baffled as to what was happening, Josh’s heart was pounding like a jack hammer and he blinked at her in confusion. “Donna, what is it?”

“Stay away from me, Stone,” she said again, but this time there was almost the note of a threat in her voice. Enough of a threat that it stopped her from crying for the moment.

It took Josh another moment to respond. “Stone?!” he said. “Donna, what are you talking about? I’m not Stone. It’s me...it’s Josh.”

His words seemed to only make her start crying again. “No, no, you can’t be…Josh is dead.”

Again, Josh felt himself blinking in surprise. “What?”

“He’s dead. You killed him. You killed them all, everyone I knew,” she said in broken, quiet sobs.

Like a bolt of lightning, he realized she had to be having a dream...some kind of waking nightmare. Almost like she was sleepwalking.

Even though it was a little shadowy in the recesses of the closet, he took a moment to really look at her.

Dressed in a t-shirt, she was huddled against the wall of the wardrobe. Her hair was tangled and wild around her face. A face that was red and puffy from weeping, with eyes that were haunted and bloodshot. Probably most disconcerting of all was that her knees were drawn up almost to her chest and she was rocking back and forth like a frightened child. As she rocked, she softly began to chant ‘you killed him,’ over and over.

Kneeling down, Josh tried to reason with her. “No, Donna, he didn’t kill me. He didn’t kill anyone. I’m right here. Look at me. I’m not Stone.”

Donna blinked at him in confusion and for a moment he thought she was coming out of it. But that hope died when he saw her push herself deeper into the wardrobe.

“No…” she whispered. “It’s not true.”

“Yes, Donna, it’s me,” he said, trying to get through to her. “You’re having a nightmare. You have to wake up now.”

Her eyes shifted to stare blankly at the floor and she began to speak again but it seemed to be almost more to herself than him.

“I told you everything you wanted to know and you still killed them. You didn’t have to kill them…didn’t have to kill Josh.” She looked at him in bewilderment. “Why did you have to kill Josh?”

Josh wanted to shake her and make her come out of it, but he didn’t know if that would just upset or agitate her further.

“He didn’t, Donna. He didn’t kill me. I’m right here,” he repeated. 

Donna continued as if he hadn’t spoken. Her face dissolved into sobbing as she started to rock again. “I can’t believe he’s dead.” The next words seemed ripped right out of her heart. “He loved me. No one ever loved me like he did.” 

This was obviously getting them nowhere. Josh watched her helplessly as he tried to figure out what to do next. 

“Everything’s gone. I have nothing left…nothing but…but...” her words stopped and she seemed to somehow rally herself. “I didn’t even have a chance to tell him...to tell him that I think...I...” She wrapped her arms around her middle in an almost protective gesture and rocked a little harder. “He would have been so happy,” she murmured softly.

Trying not to be paralyzed with his own fear for her, Josh didn’t know what to do. She seemed so locked into this nightmare and he had no idea how to bring her out of it. 

And what was this thing she wanted to tell him?

Josh’s heart ached for her, for what she thought she was going through. He reached out his hand, hoping if he touched her he could wake her up. “Donna, come on now...I need you to come back to me.”

“NO!!!” she yelled in terror as she knocked his hand away and scrambled deeper into the wardrobe. “Leave me alone!”

“Donna, let me help you,” Josh insisted. “You’re just a little confused right now.”

“No one can help me. It will never be over,” she sobbed helplessly. “You’ll never stop ‘til you kill us.”

“Donna, please,” he pleaded. “Let me help you.”

“You don’t want to help me, you want to kill me,” she insisted. “But I won’t let you kill us without a fight,” she told him as she hugged her stomach fiercely and the look on her face was almost...prideful. “I’ll protect us to my last breath.”

Josh frowned. She kept saying ‘us.’ Who did she mean? If she thought he and everyone else they knew were dead, who was she talking about?

Then in a flash he realized. 

Oh...she thought that...that she...

A myriad of emotions went through him, but he couldn’t stop to examine them, right now he had to get through to her. He had to wake her up before she did some kind of physical harm to herself. 

Setting the thoughts of what she meant aside, he focused himself back on the situation they found themselves in. How did he try and save her from a monster that lived in her nightmares? How did he fight that? 

Josh watched as an odd serenity came over her face. “I don’t want to kill you, but if that’s the only way to protect us, then, I will.”

He saw her hand move down beside her and reach for something on the floor, tucked between her and the wall.

Josh’s heart rose so high in his throat it almost choked him.

Although it was hard to tell for sure, it looked an awful lot like Stone’s gun. 

“Donna...” he choked out. “You need to think about what you’re doing.”

She didn’t respond as she lifted her hand.

In it was Stone’s gun.

And it was aimed right at him.

His mind threatened to lock up on him, but he forced down his terror enough to try and figure out if the gun was loaded or not. When they’d unpacked, Josh had unloaded the gun and stored both gun and the clips in one of their bags. From where he was, he couldn’t tell if she had reloaded it or not.

“Donna,” he said gently. “Put that down.”

“No...” she whispered.

As much as everything in him was screaming to run, he couldn’t leave her alone. He didn’t trust her not to hurt herself. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Please go...” she begged. “Leave us alone...I don’t want to hurt you...”

“Donna, you have to listen to me,” Josh said as he dragged a hand through his hair. “You’re having a really bad dream.”

“No...I can’t let...you hurt us...” she said brokenly. Quiet tears began to run down her face again and Josh saw the conflict in her eyes.

When the gun wavered in her hand, Josh saw his opening and instinctively leapt into action.

Diving into the wardrobe with her, Josh banged his knee on the door and his shoulder and the side of his head on the back wall, but he didn’t care.

Shoving her arm out of the way, Josh sent the gun flying and he threw his arms around her. He felt her fists and arms flailing against his back and shoulders, but being so close to him, she didn’t really have any leverage to do much in the way of damage.

“NO!!!” she screamed, struggling in his arms. “Let me go!!!”

“Donna! Calm down,” he said holding her tighter as tears of his own streamed down his face at the pain she was in. 

Her voice broke and she sounded like nothing more than a small, frightened child. “Please...” she begged in a voice raw from crying. “Please don’t hurt us. Please...I need to live.”

“No one is going to hurt you,” Josh promised as he continued to hold her. 

“Please...” she said as her body went limp in his arms and she continued to cry softly. 

In the darkened, close confines of the wardrobe, he shifted her and hauled her into his lap, rocking her gently. “It’s okay,” he cooed. “You’re okay now.”

They sat there for a few moments as he continued to rock her and her cries faded into silence as she seemed to drift back off to sleep and Josh’s pounding heart slowed. 

Feeling around, he found the gun and turned it over. More of his panic eased when he saw it wasn’t loaded. Dropping it back on the floor, Josh decided to deal with it in the morning. Right now he had to focus on her.

“Donna?” he said rubbing his cheek over the top of her head. He felt more of his panic ease as he felt her previously limp arms close around him and she began to stir.

“Josh...?” she mumbled sleepily.

A wave of relief went through him. “I’m right here,” he said holding her tighter. “I need you to wake up.” 

In the shadowy light inside the wardrobe he saw her eyes open.

“What...where am I?” she asked.

“You’re in the closet.”

“The clos...why?”

He stared at her in disbelief. How could she not remember? 

“You were having a nightmare,” he explained.

“I...was?” she replied. Then he saw a dawning sense of dismay sweep over her face. “Oh, no...” she murmured. “It happened again, didn’t it?”

“Again?!” Josh exclaimed. “This has happened before?!”

“Just...once,” she said as she lifted her hand to her mouth.

“Why didn’t you tell me!?” he demanded.

A sudden look of distressed panic came over. “I’m going to be sick!”

Helping her as much as he could, he let go of her and lifted her out of his lap. She burst out of the wardrobe and ran into the bathroom where he heard her retching violently into the toilet.

Jumping up, he went after her. As she continued to throw up he knelt beside her and held her hair back with one hand and rubbed her back lightly with the other.

When she was finally finished, Josh stood and got her a damp wash cloth and a cup of water so she could clean her face off and rinse her mouth.

“Well, so much for the nice dinner I made,” she said ruefully as she finished cleaning her face and flushed the toilet. “I hope I didn’t give us food poisoning or anything. You’re not feeling sick, are you?”

Josh stared down at her for a minute. He suspected dinner wasn’t what had made her sick. 

“No, I feel fine,” he replied. “Do you feel steady enough to stand up?”

“Yeah, I think so,” she said as she took his hand and let him help her up.

The two of them walked over to the sink and Donna rinsed her mouth and face again and then brushed her teeth lightly.

“Feel better?” he asked perching himself on the wide counter.

“A little,” she said rinsing out a mouthful of toothpaste. “But I still feel a bit nauseous.”

He stared at her again as she turned off the water and reached for a towel. “Donna...?”

“Hmmm?” she said as she dried her face off.

“Are you...? Do you think...?” he didn’t know why he was finding it so hard to ask the question.

“What?” she asked with a frown as she hung up the towel.

He let out a breath. They were both exhausted. “It’s not important. It can wait until morning. Why don’t we go to bed and get some sleep?”

“You sure?” she asked.

“Yeah, it will keep,” he said.

She looked a little relieved. “Good, because I’m really kind of tired.”

Slipping off the counter, Josh took her hand and they walked back to the bedroom.

“What happened to the lamp?” Donna asked with a yawn as Josh righted it. 

“I’m not sure. I found it like that when I came upstairs. I think you must have knocked it over when you got up and went into the closet,” he replied as she climbed into bed and he got undressed.

Donna stared at him for a moment. “I’m sorry about the closet, Josh,” she said honestly. “I don’t know how I even got in there. I don’t remember any of it. What did I do?”

Slipping into bed, Josh pulled Donna in close and kissed her forehead. “We can talk about it in the morning. Sleep now.”

Donna seemed to have no desire to argue with him. She yawned and snuggled herself against him.

“I’m sorry about messing up the contest,” she said sleepily as her eyes slid closed.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said as he gently smoothed the hair back from her face. “We’ll have plenty of time for rematches.”

“’kay,” she said with a smile that bloomed and then faded as he suspected she was already drifting off to sleep.

Looking down at her, Josh knew he needed sleep so that he’d be rested for the discussion they needed to have in the morning, but there was part of him that wanted...needed to stay awake and watch over her and see that nothing and no one hurt her. 

Not even herself.

So tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, Josh held onto her and settled in to think about what had happened tonight for as long as his body would let him stay awake.

**********

Once Josh dropped off to sleep, the two of them slept heavily and without any more dreams or nightmares. It was mid-morning before they actually woke up again. First Josh, then Donna when he got up to use the bathroom.

Donna was toying with the edge of the sheet when he got back from the bathroom.

“I guess we should have that talk now,” she said. 

He sat down beside her on the bed. “Yeah, I think that would be a good idea.”

Donna let out a breath. “I don’t quite know where to start,” she admitted.

Josh could feel her slight apprehension so he reached out and took her hand. “Let me start by saying that anything we talk about isn’t going to change the way I feel about you or about being here with you or having a future with you...okay?”

That seemed to relax her a bit. “Okay,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze. “Same goes for me.”

“Okay,” he said, giving her a smile. “Now, the first thing I’d like to know is...” He let out a breath. “Donna, do you think you’re pregnant?”

She blinked at him in surprise. Apparently, she hadn’t been expecting that question at all. “How did you know?” she asked in confusion. “I’ve been trying to think of a way to tell you.”

“Well, you sort of did, last night,” he told her.

“What do you mean?” she asked with a frown. “What exactly happened in the closet last night?” She ran a hand through her hair. “I really don’t remember anything before I woke up with you holding me.”

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

She frowned as she remembered. “I came upstairs. Then I took a shower and I got into bed,” she told him. “I was going to try and stay awake until you came upstairs, but I guess I didn’t make it.” 

“Nothing else?” he asked.

“No, not until I woke up with you. Why? What happened? How did I get in the closet?”

“I don’t know,” he answered. “Last night you said this happened before.”

She nodded. “Yes, a couple weeks ago. It was when...when you were sleeping downstairs and things were kind of bad between us.”

His heart was heavy in his chest for the pain he’d caused her during that time. “So you WERE having nightmares then.”

“Yes,” she replied. “But one night it was different, I woke up in the same closet just like last night.”

When she didn’t go any farther, he prompted her. “And?”

“There really isn’t any more to it than that,” she said with a confused little shrug. “I woke up scared and crying in back of the closet.”

Josh scrubbed a hand over the back of his head. He’d hoped she would remember more of the first time so it might give some clue as to what happened last night.

“What’s wrong with me, Josh?” 

“I don’t know if there is anything wrong. I mean I know what happened last night is not good, but...” He let out a breath. “The only thing I can figure is that both times you were doing some kind of sleepwalking thing.”

“Sleepwalking? In the closet?”

“Well, I don’t know about the first time. All I do know is that I came upstairs and found the lamp knocked over and the bed empty.” 

“Go on,” she urged.

“Then I ran into the bathroom thinking maybe you’d fallen in the shower or had decided to try taking a bath and had fallen asleep. But you weren’t there.” 

He decided not to mention the fact that he’d also wondered if she’d run away from him again.

“I thought about taking a bath, but well...you know,” she said a little embarrassed, referring to the fact that after what had happened at the lake, she still had an irrational fear of getting in a bathtub.

Josh nodded. “There for a while I thought Stone had somehow found us and had gotten to you.”

Donna squeezed his hand. “Oh, Josh I’m so sorry I worried you.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” He let out a breath. “Anyway, when I was in the bathroom, I heard you crying and I found you in the closet.”

“What was I doing?” she asked.

“You were huddled in the wardrobe like you were hiding,” he explained. “You thought I was Stone.”

Donna looked incredulous. “I what?!”

“You thought I was Stone. Apparently in your nightmare or whatever, you were seeing Stone.”

“What did I do? What’d I say?””

“You said that I...that Stone had killed everyone, including me.”

“I did?” Donna said baffled. If it had been anyone but Josh telling her, and she, you know, hadn’t woken up in the closet, she wouldn’t have believed it.

“Yes.” 

He paused there, debating if he should tell her the rest, but she apparently saw the fact that there was more clearly written on his face.

“Josh? Tell me all of it,” she urged.

“You said that...Stone had taken everything, but you wouldn’t let him kill you without a fight.” He paused. “You said you would do whatever it took to...” His eyes locked with hers. “...to protect you both.”

Donna frowned. “To protect us both? What do you mean?”

“A number of times you said ‘us,’ but you said I was dead. You also kept clutching your middle like you were either in pain or protecting something.” He laid his hand on her cheek. “That’s why I thought...”

The light dawned in her eyes. “That’s why you thought that I suspected I was pregnant,” she finished. 

He nodded. “The ‘us’ you were protecting were you and the baby.”

“Oh, Josh,” she said sitting up and putting her arms around him. “I never would have wanted you to find out like that,” she said a little tearfully. “I was going to tell you, I swear. I’ve only suspected for a couple of days.”

He hugged her back. “I kind of figured that.”

Donna pulled back. “I could be wrong, I mean I haven’t even taken a pregnancy test or anything. I just...my period is really late, which could be from going off the Pill and I’ve been a little nauseous the last couple days and...well, this is going to sound weird but my body feels...different.”

He ran a gentle hand through her hair. “Actually it doesn’t sound weird at all,” he said. Then he smiled. “But you were right about something.”

“What?”

“You said that I would have been happy.” He paused. “I mean if you’re not, it’s okay too, but if you are, I’ll be happy.”

With a sigh, she smiled. “Me too.”

They hugged again and Donna laid back on the bed. “So what happened after that?”

He sighed and knew he had to tell her. “You pulled out Stone’s gun and pointed it at me.”

Donna’s hand flew to her mouth and her heart seemed to have lost the ability to beat. “No!”

“Yes. Lucky for me you couldn’t pull the trigger and even if you had, it wasn’t loaded.”

Donna was horrified at her actions. She remembered how she’d felt when he’d almost pointed the gun at her in Chicago. Donna sat up again and hugged him.

“God, Josh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know,” she said tearfully.

“Hey, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“Was that when I woke up?” she asked and she continued to hold onto him.

“Well, not exactly.” He had to swallow before he could finish. “When I saw you with the gun like that, I had to stop you before one of us got hurt. So I knocked the gun out of your hand and just grabbed you and held onto to you.”

Feeling overwhelmed with guilt that she’d put him through so much, Donna gripped him tighter. “Oh my God! I can’t imagine how terrible that must have been for you. I swear, I don’t remember any of it.”

“I know, it’s okay,” Josh said, trying to soothe her.

Donna pulled back. “No, it’s NOT okay! I could have shot YOU!”

He rubbed gentle circles over her back. “Donna, it’s okay...it’s over.”

Donna flopped back onto the bed. “Is it? What if I go off again and what if this time the gun IS loaded? I couldn’t live with myself if I shot you!” she said, laying a hand over her face as she started to cry.

“Hey,” he said as he gathered her back into his arms. “That won’t happen, Donna. I trust you.”

“Well, that makes one of us,” Donna said sniffling as she pulled back a little. “The first thing we do today is go into town and buy another lock box for the gun and you’ll keep the keys to it hidden from me.”

“Okay, okay, if it will make you feel better, I’ll take care of it,” he said with a nod. Then he ran his hand over her cheek. “I’ll do anything to make sure we’re both around to meet our child.”

The sweetness of his words brought tears to her eyes. “Me too.” Then she frowned. 

“What?” he prodded.

“Josh, what if…do you think…” She let out a breath. The question she wanted to ask terrified her almost as much as the answer potentially could.

“It’s okay, Donna. Whatever it is, you can ask me.”

“Do you think that, I mean, I know it can take time, but the thing…with the gun…do you think it could trigger a PTSD episode for you?”

He was a little surprised by the question, only because he’d been so worried about her that he hadn’t even thought about that. He took a moment to consider her question.

“Well, I suppose it could,” he said honestly. “But if getting shot in Chicago didn’t set me off, I don’t think this will,” he said honestly. “Not to mention the fact that I also don’t feel any different. I mean, it’s not like I’m hearing music or sirens or anything.” He stared at her for a long moment. “I’m a different person than I was then, Donna. A lot has happened since then and I’d like to think that I’m a little healthier in that regard.” 

“I just…I’d hate to be the reason that you had another attack,” she said quietly as she laid back on the bed. 

He smiled reassuringly. “Well, the last time you knew it was happening before I did, so I trust you’ll let me know if you see any danger signs.”

She squeezed his hand. “Of course I will.”

Josh was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. “Donna, since we’re on the topic of mental health, can I ask you something?”

No knowing where he was going with his question, she frowned a bit. “Of course.”

Josh looked down at her for a moment, trying to find the words. “Are you...have you been...?” He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know the answer. “I know things have been bad with Stone and all, but...have you had thoughts about killing yourself?”

“No, never. Why would you say that?” Donna asked, blinking in surprise. “Because of last night?”

“Well, last night I was worried about you hurting yourself, it got me to thinking and I remembered what you said when you were going to run away about letting Stone find you and...” He let out a slightly frustrated and embarrassed breath. “I’m just...I worry that I’m going to miss something.”

Her eyes softened and she sighed. “No, Josh, I haven’t thought about doing away with myself, not like you mean.”

Josh didn’t think he liked the sound of that answer. “In what way then?”

Donna ran a hand through her hair. “It’s just that...at times, and this is something that I don’t think I even realized myself, I’ve seen Stone killing me as inevitable.”

He wanted to argue with what he thought she was saying, it made a certain amount of sense. “Oh-kay, go on.”

“It’s not so much a case of me wanting to die, but not having enough faith that Stone wouldn’t find a way to kill me.” She stared up at the ceiling. “I’m not making much sense, am I?”

“No, no, I think I see what you’re saying.”

She stared at him for a moment. “I think that’s also one of the reasons I told you...or kind of told you how I felt about you in the note I left when I ran away,” she told him honestly. “I’m not entirely sure that I thought I was ever coming back. Not because I wouldn’t want to, but because I’d be dead.” She squeezed his hand. “I didn’t want to die without telling you or at least giving you some idea of how I felt.”

That too made a certain amount of sense. “Well, for whatever reason, I’m glad you told me,” he said squeezing her hand. “But Donna, he’s not going to kill you. We’re going to get through this. You have to hang onto that.”

“I do,” she said with a smile as she rested their clasped hands over her flat abdomen. “Now more than ever, I believe that.”

Gently laying down, Josh rested his head on her stomach next to their hands. They laid there quietly for a few minutes with Donna running her fingers lightly through his hair.

He turned his head so he could look up at her. “How’s your stomach this morning? You ready for some coffee?”

“Well,” she began. “I’m a little nauseous and even if I weren’t, I suppose I should be drinking tea. Decaf tea,” she made a little face at the idea.

Josh smiled. “I’ll see if we’ve got any downstairs. If not, we’ll get some when we go into town to get the lock box.”

“Okay, the potentially pregnant woman has to use the bathroom,” she said, nudging him up and throwing back the sheet.

“I’ll meet you downstairs then.”

“Hey, I didn’t get a good morning kiss,” she protested as she snagged his arm and pulled him close for a heated kiss and a warm embrace.

“My favorite way to start the day,” Josh said as they broke apart.

Donna gave him a dubious look.

He grinned back at her. “Okay, the second favorite way. I’ll show you my favorite way on the kitchen table after breakfast.”

She grinned back at him and he headed downstairs.

Putting on the water for Donna’s tea and switching on the coffee maker for him, Josh wondered if she could keep down some toast if he made her some. When she hadn’t come down a few minutes later, he walked upstairs to ask her.

“Hey, Donna!” he yelled as he walked toward the bathroom. “You at least want to try and eat some toast?!”

“Don’t yell,” she murmured as he walked in.

He found her standing in front of the bathroom sink, staring down at one of the unopened pregnancy test kits in her hand.

“Whattcha doing?” he said asking the obvious.

She glanced up at him. “I just thought...maybe we should know for sure,” she said, trying to explain.

Gently, he laid his hand over hers. “Don’t take it now.”

She frowned. “But...”

“Let’s get married first,” he said, referring to their private-just-between-them wedding.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I want to marry you regardless of what the test says and I want you to believe that too. I told you my proposal wasn’t some twisted attempt at damage control and I meant it. No matter what that test might say or what happens in eight or nine months, I love you and that’s why I want to marry you.”

Tears filled her eyes. “When did you learn to say such wonderful things?”

“It comes pretty easy these days. I guess being in love helps.” He smiled. “You always have been a good influence on me.” He took the pregnancy test out of her hand and put it back into the medicine cabinet. Then he pulled her into his arms for a long kiss. “We’ll take care of that after we get married next week,” he told her when they pulled back.

“Okay,” she said with a light laugh as she took his hand and pulled him out of the bathroom. “Now, I think you mentioned something about feeding me?”


	25. Chances

Chapter 25

“Well, you definitely haven’t lost your ability to power shop, Donnatella,” Josh said as he drove out of the parking lot of the Spectrum Mall in Phoenix. The back of the 4Runner was brimming with the stuff they’d bought.

“You can’t bring me down from my shopping high,” Donna replied. “And I’m not the only one who bought stuff, so don’t tell me you didn’t have at least a little fun.”

“I would have had more fun if you’d let me see what you picked out at Victoria’s Secret,” he said with a smirk. 

“I’ve got to have some surprises, Josh.” She couldn’t help but blush a little. He was definitely going to like the things that she picked out. 

“How about a hint?” he asked as he merged onto the freeway and they headed toward the FedEx office. After they picked up the package from Mike they were going to get some dinner and then head back for Snowflake.

“Well, you have been good today,” she told him. “You didn’t complain about shopping or whine about holding the bags so I guess I can give you a hint.” 

“If we’re going by how good I was today, I deserve more than a hint. After all, you have to agree that I didn’t utter one word while you spent the better part of the afternoon dressing me up like your very own Ken doll.”

Donna grinned at him. “Josh, do you really want to compare yourself to a doll that’s not anatomically correct?”

He swallowed. “Fair point.”

“But you’re right,” she conceded. “You were very patient while we were picking out your suit.”

“Does that mean I get more than a hint?” Josh said hopefully.

“No, that means you get a hint or you can keep wondering. Take it or leave it.” 

“Aw, Donna, please?”

“Nope,” she said holding firm.

Josh sighed. “Okay, a hint.”

“Part of what I got I’m going to wear under the outfit I got for the wedding. The others I got for our honeymoon.”

“Honeymoon, huh?” He grinned. “I like the sound of that.”

Pulling out a small bag of chocolate truffles she’d bought at the mall, she smirked at him. “Well, you’re going to marry me, so I figured the least I could do was let you have some marathon honeymoon sex out of it.”

Josh felt all the spit dry up in his mouth. “Marathon?”

“Yes, indeed,” she smiled sweetly at him as she bit into one of the truffles and enjoyed the rich sweetness of it. “Is that okay with you, Joshua?”

Between her earlier statement and the sight of her lips wrapping themselves around the tasty confection, it took him a moment to get his mouth to work. “Ah...um, okay, yes, good,” he stammered, then began to recover. “Of course I’m hoping you won’t be wearing much of anything during our honeymoon.”

Now it was Donna’s turn to get a bit hot and bothered as a little wave of heat went through her.

Selecting a dark chocolate truffle that she thought he would like, she gripped it between her fingers. “I think that could be arranged,” she said as she held it up to his mouth.

Without taking his eyes off the freeway, Josh lifted one hand off the steering wheel and captured her wrist to hold her hand steady. Leaning forward a little, he ran his tongue slowly over her fingers and the chocolate. Rather than just taking the candy from her, he pulled the tips of her fingers, truffle and all into the warm, wet cavern of his mouth. Even after the candy slid, warm and sticky, from her fingers, he kept her fingers in his mouth, sucking on them long after the taste of the chocolate had been cleaned off of them.

Watching him and feeling him do that to her fingers made awareness surge through her and an aroused flush began to spread across her skin. Involuntarily, she trembled as her nipples hardened and a warm, aching wetness settled between her legs.

Since she was wearing a tank top, Josh saw the flush creeping over her skin and he could all but feel the desire coming off her like a tangible force. He had to suppress a grin. It was good to know he could make her as crazy she generally made him. Knowing that he shouldn’t get her too wound up since they really couldn’t do anything about it while they were there in Phoenix, Josh slid her fingers from his mouth and kissed the ends of them gently before he released her wrist.

“After we pick up the package, do you think we could skip dinner and just go home?” Donna asked him a bit breathlessly as she pulled her hand back.

As he let the last of the piece of chocolate melt in his mouth, he grinned. “No. We came all this way for our big outing and I think we should enjoy it to the fullest.”

Donna gave him a little pout, but didn’t argue as she pulled out another truffle and bit into it.

“And don’t eat too much candy or you’ll spoil your dinner,” he chided.

“Spoilsport,” she muttered as she closed the top of the bag and put it back in her purse. 

It was just before 5:30 when they pulled into the parking lot of the Kinko’s that also housed the FedEx office. With it being early June, the sun didn’t set until nearly 7:30, so it was still plenty light outside. In fact, they hoped to have dinner and be on their way home before it got dark. 

Reaching into the backseat, Donna picked up the baseball caps they’d been using to help disguise them a bit and handed Josh his. As Josh pulled it on, Donna wound her hair into a bun and shoved her cap down over her head so her hair was largely tucked up out of the way.

Although only one of them technically had to go inside to get the package, they made it a point to stay together whenever possible. In fact, except when one of them had to use the restroom and when Donna had gone into Victoria’s Secret and made him wait outside the store and when she picked out her wedding outfit, they’d been inseparable. It was the only way they could have some sense of security that the other one was safe.

Climbing out of the car, Donna fanned herself with her hand. “Ugh! I know it’s summer and we’re in the desert so it should be hot, but it’s so much hotter here than back at the house.”

“Yeah, I think we’re a lot higher up at the house so it’s cooler.”

“I’m just glad the car has air conditioning,” she commented as they opened the door and went inside.

So they wouldn’t draw so much attention as a couple, Donna veered off and pretended to be fascinated with a stationary display, while Josh walked up to the counter spoke to the FedEx person. He was glad to see that, except for some people working at the computers, the Kinko’s was all but empty.

“Hi, I’m here to pick up a package being held for David Simpson,” Josh said giving the alias that Mike would have sent the package under.

The counterperson nodded and disappeared into the back room. 

While he waited, Josh pulled out the picture I.D. that he knew the agent would ask for, then he glanced casually at Donna who’d moved on to a display of pens and office supplies.

He turned back to the counter and frowned as the clerk emerged from the back room empty handed.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Simpson, I don’t see any package for you.” 

“But...are you sure?” Josh asked in confusion.

“Yes, sir. Is there another name it could be under?” the clerk asked.

“Um...Betty Simpson?” Josh said, giving Donna’s alias that corresponded to his.

“Actually I didn’t see any shipments for the last name Simpson.”

Josh’s frown deepened. Could they have come to the wrong FedEx office? Could Mike have sent the package to a different office? Or could he have maybe given Mike the name from a different set of their fake I.D.s?

“Uh...could you check just one more time?” Josh asked.

The young woman stared at him for a moment. “All right, but don’t get your hopes up. We’re very conscientious about how we organize the packages we hold.”

“I’m sure you are,” Josh said. “But please look again, the package is very important.”

“All right,” she agreed and turning returned to the back room.

Josh turned to look at Donna who was still standing at the office supply display.

His heart jumped into his throat when he saw the look of disbelief and what he read as a touch of fear on her face.

“I’ve got the package you’re looking for right here,” a male and all too familiar voice said from behind him.

Slowly, his heart thumping hard in his chest, he turned toward the voice.

“Oh, my God,” Josh said. “How did you find us?”


	26. Chances

Chapter 26

Wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses and holding a FedEx box, Sam grinned at him. “A certain little FBI type bird told me where to look.”

Josh still couldn’t get over his surprise...or his caution that was quickly blooming into outright fear.

What if someone had followed Sam? What if he’d led Stone or his people right to him and Donna?

Almost like a caged animal, Josh took a step back and glanced around nervously for any signs of someone watching them. He glanced back at Donna and saw she was still frozen in place with a deer-in-the-headlights look on her face.

The grin slid off of Sam’s face and he took a step toward Josh. “Hey, it’s okay.”

Josh took a step back as if Sam were the devil himself.

Sam froze and looked really surprised, not to mention hurt, by Josh’s reaction.

“Hey...” he was clearly about to say Josh’s name and bit it back. “I came alone. No one followed me.”

“How can you be so sure?” Josh asked cautiously.

“I took precautions,” Sam told him. “I’m just glad you finally got here. I was getting a little worried I come all this way for nothing,” Sam commented trying to tease Josh out of his panic attack.

It apparently didn’t work since Josh only continued to stand there, his expression and body language clearly saying he was ready to run. Sam resisted the urge to acknowledge Donna, who was still watching them from behind the display with almost the same skittish expression on her face that Josh was wearing.

Sam saw that levity was not going to be the best choice here.

The FedEx clerk spoke making them both jump. “Sir, I’m sorry, but there is no package for ‘Simpson’. I’m positive.”

Josh managed to nod. “Okay, never mind,” he said glancing at the package gripped tightly under Sam’s arm. The clerk seemed satisfied and went back to what she was doing.

Sam thought maybe the package was his way in. “I’ve got everything you asked for, right here,” he said patting the box. “Why don’t we go somewhere and talk? I’ll explain everything.”

Josh still couldn’t seem to get his heart to stop stampeding through his chest. They were so exposed. He felt like someone had suddenly turned a spotlight on them. 

But there were three things that he knew. 

One, they had to get out of this Kinko’s.

Two, they had to take Sam. Now that he’d seen the two of them he was in danger, too.

Three, they needed to go some place quiet and figure this whole thing out.

“Come on,” Josh said, jolting into action as he waved to Donna and started toward the door. Sam knew better than to ask questions and he followed right behind him.

Donna had started moving as soon as Josh had and met them near the door. The front of the Kinko’s was all glass so they had a wide view of the parking lot. She and Josh paused to look outside and make sure no one was lying in wait for them. Not expecting such caution, Sam almost ran them over.

“How’s it look?” Josh asked her as they both scanned the scene.

Donna’s keen eyes looked for any signs of danger. “I don’t see anyone. I think we’re clear to the car.”

“Why do I suddenly feel like I’m trapped in an episode of ‘Mission Impossible?’” Sam muttered. 

Josh and Donna both ignored him. “You want to run or you want to keep it slow and casual?” she asked him.

“I think slow and casual,” Josh replied. “Best not to draw any extra attention to ourselves.” He turned to Sam. “You have any luggage?” 

“Yes, in my rental car.”

Donna and Josh glanced meaningfully at each other, then Josh turned to Sam as she continued to watch out the window. “You got a rental car?”

“Yeah. It’s parked one row back from here,” Sam answered pointing toward it. “The silver Toyota Avalon.”

“In your own name?” Donna asked.

“No, Mike gave me new I.D.s and told me to use them to get the car,” he explained.

“Do you know if it has GPS or LoJack?”

Sam blinked at what he thought was an out-of-left-field question. “Uh…well, yeah. It’s got one of those GPS locator things so you can get directions and stuff. I’m not sure about the LoJack but I’m guessing the rental agency would have put one in all their cars so they could recover them if they were stolen.”

“Shit,” Josh muttered turning back to Donna. “We’re going to have to leave the rental car and take him with us in the 4Runner.”

“Okay,” Donna nodded. “You want me to drive around the block a couple of times first and see if anyone follows me?”

“Good idea,” Josh said. “Circle the block twice slowly. Then double back and stop behind the rental car and we’ll come out to you if everything still looks clear,” Josh replied. “Skippy’s still in my backpack on the floor of the back seat if you get into trouble.” 

Partially to make light of the fact that Donna had pointed it at him and partially because they needed to be able to talk about the gun in public without actually calling it ‘the gun’ Josh had dubbed Stone’s gun “Skippy.”

“But what if you need Skippy?” she asked concerned. “I’ll have the car. If I take Skippy too, you won’t have anything to defend yourself with if they come for you while I’m gone.”

Almost unconsciously, Josh reached down to take her hand. Both of them had reached a point where they were nervous any time the other was out of their direct line of sight and now that they were on heightened alert it only made it that much worse.

He gave her hand a squeeze. “I’ll be okay,” he said reassuringly. “Besides, there will be two of us.”

Donna nodded. She didn’t like leaving him, but in this case she knew it was the best course of action.

“Do you still have one of the phones in your purse?” he asked her.

“Yes,” she replied. “You want it?”

“Yeah, you can use the one in my backpack. If either of us gets into trouble, we’ll send the z911 text message to the other, okay?”

“Okay,” Donna nodded as she fished the phone out of her purse and handed it to him.

Sam was frowning as the two of them kept talking. “Hey, you guys, this really isn’t necessary. No one followed me,” he said, trying to put their fears to rest. 

Josh glanced back at Sam. He had no idea what he and Donna had been through and right then, Josh didn’t have the time to explain it. “Trust me it’s better to be safe.”

The way he said it, with perfect certainty and almost deadly seriousness, Sam blinked. “Oh…oh-kay.”

“Oh, give her the package,” Josh told Sam who handed it over to Donna.

Josh turned back to Donna, stepped in and kissed her hard and unabashedly full on the mouth. “Be careful,” he told her.

“You too,” Donna said squeezing his hand.

Sam blinked in surprise again. Mike had told him they were together now, but seeing it was a whole different experience than hearing about it. Not in a bad way, though. In fact, Sam had to resist the urge to mutter something along the line of ‘about time.’

Focused, Donna dropped his hand, held the car keys ready in her hand and took one more glance out the window to make sure the way was clear and she stepped outside.

Josh and Sam watched her walk out of the Kinko’s and walk to the car. She did it so casually, the casual observer wouldn’t have looked twice at her. As Josh scanned for any signs of movement, he didn’t see anyone of a more non-casual type looking either.

“You two are quite a team,” Sam said as he moved into the space Donna had previously occupied.

Josh watched Donna get in the car. “We always were,” Josh said as Donna locked the doors and started the engine.

“I know,” Sam agreed. “But it’s good to see that you finally realized it.”

The corner of Josh’s mouth curved upward ever-so-slightly, but he didn’t take his eyes off the SUV as Donna backed carefully out of the space. “Yeah, well you know me, I can be a slow learner sometimes.”

Sam grinned for a moment and then sobered as he looked out the window and tried to see what Josh was trying to see. All he did see was the SUV pull out of the strip mall parking lot, turn onto the main road and disappear from sight. Even then Josh didn’t relax. Sam could all but feel the tension vibrating off of him.

Sam considered that. “Seriously, is all this cloak and dagger stuff really necessary?”

Josh hadn’t seen anyone pay attention to Donna’s departure and no one followed her out of the parking lot. Everything looked quiet so he allowed himself the luxury of flicking a glance at Sam.

“You have no idea what you’ve stepped into the middle of, old friend,” Josh said. “I hope you have a good reason for being here.”

“When you hear why I’m here I think you’ll agree I do,” Sam told him. “And I’ve been fully briefed on your situation. I know about the guy trying to kill you.”

“That may be,” Josh conceded as he continued to scan the parking lot. “But being briefed on it and living it are two entirely different things.”

Sam supposed he couldn’t really argue with him there.

“We could have both died a number of times,” Josh said quietly. He saw the 4Runner cruise past the driveway to the strip mall as Donna started her second circle, but he still didn’t see any suspicious activity. “I felt like you did once. I didn’t listen to her. I thought D....I thought she was being paranoid...and it almost got us both killed.”

He spared a moment to look at Sam. “So while it may seem to be overdoing it to you, for me...and for her, well, we’ve got our reasons.”

Sam looked back at him and he could see the conviction behind Josh’s words. There was an odd new...Sam wasn’t quite sure what to call it...maturity maybe, in Josh’s manner. “Well, then, that’s good enough for me,” he replied. “But can I ask you one question?”

“I think you just did,” Josh replied. “But go ahead.”

“Who or what is Skippy?”

Josh couldn’t help but smirk a little. “I’ll tell you later.”

He felt a wave of relief go through him when he saw the SUV drive back into the parking lot and pull behind Sam’s rental car. The world righted itself when he saw Donna wave to him from the driver’s side.

“Get your keys out. I want the transfer to be as quick as possible.” Josh told Sam as he waved back at Donna.

Sam fished them out of his pants pocket. “Got ‘em.”

“Good, now we’re just going to walk over to your rental car, grab your bag and put it in the back of our car. Then you’ll get in the back seat and I’ll get in the front with Donna.” Sam nodded and Josh took one last look to see if the way was clear. “Okay, come on. Let’s go.”

The two of them emerged from the Kinko’s and no one bothered them as they walked across the parking lot. Opening the trunk of the rental car, they pulled out one small suitcase. After Sam relocked the car, he and Josh added the bag to the already loaded back of the 4Runner and they climbed inside. Even if they’d been able to practice it, the operation couldn’t have gone smoother.

Donna knew they had to get moving and as soon as the doors were closed she pulled away from the car and headed out of the parking lot. “I didn’t see anyone following me, Josh,” she said as she turned onto the road.

“Yeah, I didn’t see anyone either and no one in the parking lot seemed to be paying any attention to any of us,” he said as he looked behind them. They still appeared to be alone. “Hopefully that means we’re in the clear.”

“Where do you want me to go?” she asked him.

“I think if you take a left at the next light it will take us back to the I-10 freeway,” he told her. “Take the east bound on ramp and drive for a bit until we find an out of the way place to pull off and get some dinner.”

“Okay,” she said, as she turned and headed for the freeway.

‘So much for the intimate dinner with Donna at the little Italian place I had planned,’ Josh thought.

They were going to need someplace they could talk freely and a regular restaurant wouldn’t work. And there was no way he and Donna could leave Phoenix until they found out why Sam was there. He couldn’t take the chance that someone could track him and Donna down because of Sam.

“Josh, I think we should talk,” Sam said.

“We will. But let’s wait until we stop and eat.”

As Josh continued to watch for anyone following them, but saw no one, Donna drove them through Phoenix. Eventually she saw a freeway sign for a Sonic Drive-In and Josh told her to head for it.

When they pulled in, they were glad to see that it wasn’t busy at all. Donna pulled into the second to the last space so they would have an easy view of anyone coming or going.

Once they’d ordered their food and Donna had rolled up all the windows, Josh looked back at Sam.

“Now, what the hell are you doing here?”


	27. Chances

Chapter 27

“Well for starters, I came here hoping you’d both be a little happier to see me,” a note of hurt in Sam’s voice. “After all, I did go to just a little bit of trouble to be here.”

Josh let out a breath. “Sam…”

Donna jumped in. “Sam, it’s not that we’re not happy to see you. Under ordinary circumstances we’d be thrilled. In fact, just the other night we were talking about much we missed you and we were remembering the time we went to see the Lincoln Memorial.”

She exchanged a look with Josh who picked up the thread.

“She’s right, Sam, it’s just that these days nothing is ordinary. Not for us anyway,” he explained. “Paranoia has almost become second nature to us.”

Donna continued. “So when we saw you there, it wasn’t so much that we weren’t happy to see you or worried that you were there to hurt us. It was more a case of worry that, through no fault of yours, someone could use you to get to us.”

“I don’t know what Mike told you about the people that are after us, Sam, but they’re powerful, determined, and at least one of them has been relentless,” Josh added.

Just then a Sonic employee brought out their order and as Josh handed Donna money and she paid for the food, Sam considered what they’d said. 

Their words had eased his mildly dented feelings. He was beginning to see things from their point of view and he could understand how his surprise appearance at the Kinko’s could have been disconcerting. 

“Here you go, Sam,” Donna said, handing him the burger, onion rings and soda he’d ordered. 

“Thanks,” he replied setting everything beside him on the seat. Fascinated, he watched Josh and Donna interact as they split up their food. 

“I hope you know this means extra salad for the next week, Joshua,” Donna said as she dumped the two orders of fries in the middle of the plastic tray sitting between her and Josh.

Automatically, Josh tore open two packs of ketchup and made a little pile next to the fries. Since Sam knew that Josh didn’t like ketchup on his fries, he assumed Josh had put it there for Donna.

“Yes, Donnatella, I knew I’d be punished for the grease fest. I just hope they got my burger well done and didn’t put any glop on it.”

Sam heard rustling as Donna unwrapped Josh’s burger and looked it over. “Yep, hockey puck with cheese, but nothing else.” 

There was more rustling as she rewrapped the burger and handed it to him. She’d been careful to wrap it so half of it was exposed and Josh could eat it without making a mess.

“Why did we only get one soda between us?” Josh asked her.

“Actually I didn’t get a soda, you got a soda and you’re going to be nice and share with me,” she explained as she unwrapped her chicken sandwich and took a bite. “You know that if I have to get my own soda, I’ll have to pee every five minutes between now and when we get home.”

“Well, then it’s lucky that I’m a nice guy,” Josh said with a little smirk.

Sam thought it was a very domestic scene.

Donna turned back to look at Sam and caught his bemused expression. “What?”

“Oh, Uh…nothing,” he said with a little grin as he unwrapped his burger and took a bite.

The three of them sat and ate in silence for a few minutes. 

“I’m sorry if my arrival was a shock,” Sam finally said as he finished his onion rings. “Mike couldn’t risk telling you ahead of time and take the chance someone would find out.”

“Why did Mike get you involved in this in the first place?” Josh asked.

“He needed someone who he could trust that was outside of the Beltway and a bit more under the radar.”

“But wait,” Donna put in. “He told us not to contact you because someone might be watching you.”

“Actually as it turns out, someone has been watching me.”

Josh almost choked on his mouthful of hamburger. “What do you mean?”

“Before they contacted me, Mike Casper and Ron Butterfield had two Secret Service agents follow me. As it turns out they had company because someone else was already following me and they figure has been for some time.”

Josh frowned. “Then how did Mike contact you?”

“The same two agents that found my tail, posed as clients and made an appointment to see me. Once they were there, they swept my office for bugs and didn’t find any. They did, however, find out that my office and home phones had been tapped.”

Even Josh and Donna were a bit surprised by how far the people after them would go.

“What happened then?” Donna asked.

“The agents told me that Mike and the President wanted to see me and that it concerned the two of you,” Sam explained. “That was all I needed to know and I told them I’d do whatever they wanted.”

Donna smiled at Sam’s commitment to them. That was the kind of person he was, you needed help, you called on Sam.

“After telling me that I couldn’t tell anyone where I was really going, which was not a problem since at the time I didn’t know, they handed me a first class ticket for a flight to London that made a connection in Chicago and instructed me to tell my secretary that I was going to London for a two week law conference.”

He took a drink of his soda. “So the next day, I was on a plane bound for Chicago. I landed and followed the directions they gave me. I went into the men’s room right near my gate and there I switched ID, tickets, and clothing with a man who looked freakishly like me. He gave me a new set of plane tickets that would take me into Baltimore while he flew onto London for the conference.”

“Was he FBI?” Josh asked.

“I didn’t ask him, but I actually got the impression he was either Secret Service or maybe NSA.” 

“Well, that makes sense,” Donna put in. “Mike doesn’t know who he can trust in the FBI or at Justice.”

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it,” Sam said. “But wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. So…according to Mike, the tail followed my double to the gate and watched him get on the plane but didn’t follow him to London so Mike figures they bought that I really went to London and wasn’t a factor in finding you guys.”

“Right,” Josh nodded.

“Anyway, when I got into Baltimore, who should be there to pick me up but Debbie Fiderer. She hustled me outside and into a waiting black Suburban with two Secret Service agents in it. They drove me down to D.C. and smuggled me into the White House in the middle of the night.”

“Why the White House?” Josh asked. “I figured Mike would have put you up in some safe house or something.”

“It seemed a little weird to me at the time too, but when Mike came to see me early the next morning, it made perfect sense.”

Donna swallowed the bite of her sandwich. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, after what happened to Mike, he’s been all but living at the White House.”

Josh frowned. “What do you mean after all that’s happened to Mike?”

Sam blinked in surprise. “You mean he didn’t tell you?”

“Tell us what?” Donna asked in exasperation.

“His office at the bureau has been ransacked three times and there have been two attempts on his life,” Sam told them.

Donna and Josh exchanged stunned glances. “He never mentioned anything about that,” Josh said. “What happened?”

“The first time he thought it might have been an accident. Someone nearly ran him down as he was walking from the Hoover Building to the White House. Drove right up on the sidewalk and almost took him out. They would have succeeded if he hadn’t been quicker.”

“Didn’t they catch whoever it was?”

“No, they drove off before Mike or anyone else could get much of a look at the driver. He did get the plate number, but it turned out to be a dead end. The car had been stolen in Baltimore and ditched in Arlington. No fingerprints or other forensic evidence were found in the car.” Sam let out a breath. “At the time, Mike chalked it up to some joy riders or a drunk driver.”

“You said there was a second time?” Donna put in.

“Yeah, about two weeks ago, someone set fire to his apartment while he was sleeping and made sure that all the viable exits were blocked.”

“My God,” Donna gasped. “How did he get out of that?”

“He called 911 on his cell and then he jumped out his bedroom window,” Sam said.

Josh frowned. “But I thought you said all the exits were blocked.”

“They were. He lives on the fourth floor and his building isn’t tall enough to need a fire escape. Most people don’t consider a fourth floor window a viable exit.”

“How the hell didn’t the fall kill him?” Josh demanded.

“I’m sure the people who were trying to kill him wanted to know the same thing,” Sam replied. “Truth was, there was a large oak tree in front of his apartment and he jumped into it. The branches slowed his fall enough that he somehow managed to grab a limb. Of course, the first one he grabbed snapped because it wasn’t big enough to take all his weight so he dropped farther, but the next was strong enough and then he climbed down out of the tree. The fire trucks were just pulling up as he did. As it turned out no one else was hurt, but Mike’s apartment was pretty much a total loss.”

“But he wasn’t hurt?!” Donna exclaimed. “And I thought Josh and I were lucky.”

“Oh no, apparently he was pretty banged up,” Sam countered. “He was only wearing boxers and a t-shirt so he was all scratched up from his ride through the tree, not to mention that he’d dislocated his shoulder, sprained his ankle and broke his wrist trying to stop his fall.” 

Donna reached out and took Josh’s hand as they exchanged another glance. “We didn’t know,” Josh said quietly.

“I’m not surprised. I only found out because I asked about the cast on his wrist. Mike just shrugged it off, but later Ron Butterfield told me what happened.”

“So why hasn’t he gone into hiding or something like we have?” Donna asked.

“Because he’s determined to bring the people down who killed Amy Gardner and have been trying to kill him and the two of you,” Sam said. 

“But how did he wind up basically living at the White House?” Donna asked. “If someone is trying to kill him, isn’t that a security risk to the President?”

“Well, he’s not living in the Residence and the only time he sees the President is for briefings. He’s actually staying in the Secret Service area in the basement,” Sam told her. “He had the foresight to get Ron involved right after you two went on the run. Like Donna said, he didn’t know who he could trust in the FBI and after what happened to you guys in Chicago with Sandoval being a DEA agent he was pretty sure anyone within the entire Justice Department was suspect.” 

“So he went to Ron because the Secret Service falls under the Treasury Department and not Justice?” Josh guessed.

“Right. He also knew Ron from his past dealings with the White House and trusted him,” Sam replied as he crumpled up the wrapper from his burger. “So Ron set him up in a small basement office. After what happened at Mike’s apartment, the President asked the FBI director to put Mike on special temporary assignment with the White House and had Ron find space for Mike to live in the small Secret Service barracks they maintain on the White House grounds.”

“What about when he leaves the White House?” Donna asked. 

“With all the resources they have on hand and the fact that Ron gave him two agents for any field work, he rarely leaves the grounds, and on the rare occasions he does, he has a two agent Secret Service escort.”

Josh considered that. “With things so bad, why did he send you here? What was so important to go to all that trouble? Why take the risk with your life or that someone might use you to find us?”

“Originally he was just going to send a package, but there’s been so much going on in D.C. and with the investigation he decided a courier might be better. Someone who could not only ensure that the package got here, but could also fully brief you on everything too. Plus I got the idea that the President wanted someone to check on you guys first hand and let him know you were both really okay.” He paused. “They’ve all been pretty worried about you.”

Josh glanced at Donna. “We’ve been worried about us too.”

“Oh, and...” Sam reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled something out. “He didn’t want to risk that this might get lost.”

Josh stared at the small black box Sam held out. It was the ring he’d asked Mike to send. With a little smile, he reached out and took it from Sam. Flipping open the box he looked at the ring for a long moment. 

His eyes went from the ring to meet Donna’s gaze. “Actually, this belongs to you,” he said quietly as he turned the box around so she could see the ring.

Donna felt her eyes fill as she looked at it. The one carat diamond solitaire ring was simple and elegant and...perfect. “Would you put it on me?” she said, trying not to cry.

Sam felt like an interloper as he watched the intensely private moment between them.

Josh nodded, and pulling the ring out of the box, he took her left hand in his. Tenderly, he kissed her ring finger and then gently slid the ring onto it.

“Hey, look at that, it fits perfectly,” Josh commented.

Donna stared down at her hand and the ring now gleaming on it. She looked up at him and couldn’t keep a tear from trailing down her cheek. “I knew it would.”

Laying his hand gently on her face, his thumb brushed through the trail of wetness on her cheek. He leaned forward and captured her mouth in a kiss that started tender, but quickly dissolved into something deeper...hotter.

The sound of their heavy breathing and the slight smack of their mouths and tongues tasting and teasing, filled the car. Only they could make a simple kiss look almost...pornographic.

Feeling like a voyeur, Sam looked away. Even during his days in the White House, the attraction Josh and Donna had for each other had been pretty obvious to everyone... except maybe them. He’d always wondered what they’d be like if they ever managed to figure it out.

Now he knew. They were brighter and hotter than white phosphorus. 

When they showed no signs of stopping, Sam finally cleared his voice to try and get their attention.

They snapped apart. “Oh, Sam...sorry,” Josh said sheepishly as he tried to get his breathing back under control. “We’re not used to having other people around and sometimes we get a little carried away.”

Donna, her lips still wet from their kiss, trailed her fingers lovingly over her mouth. “Yeah, carried away,” she murmured more to herself than anyone else.

The tone in her voice had Josh staring at her and Sam could again, all but feel the heat flowing between them even in such a simple gesture.

“So...um...” Josh stammered, his mind still clearly on Donna even though he managed to turn back to Sam. “How long are you going to be here?”

Sam blinked, trying to focus a bit. “Uh, well, Mike thought that it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to come and go too quickly, plus I have to coordinate my return with the guy that’s in London right now, so my flight is next Friday. That will take me back into D.C. for a day so I can be debriefed and then back to Chicago where I’ll meet up with my twin again.”

Josh exchanged a glance with Donna as he considered that. Sam would be there a whole week. 

As she so often did, Donna seemed to read thoughts.

“We can’t leave him stashed in a Phoenix hotel room for a week, Josh,” she said. “If someone saw him, it could be trouble not just for us, but for him.”

Josh nodded. “If Stone or his people suspect that he’s been anywhere other than in London at the conference, they’ll put two and two together.” He turned to Sam. “Not only would they know that we’re somewhere not too far from Phoenix, they’d come after you to find out what you know.” He glanced at Donna and again, she finished his thought.

“They don’t ask nicely, Sam,” she said.

Sam swallowed a sudden little jolt of fear that went down his spine. “I...I know. Mike told me what they did to both of you. He wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting myself in for.”

Donna turned back to Josh. “He needs to come with us. We can bring him back next week.”

Josh nodded in agreement. “Did Mike scan your luggage for any bugs or tracking devices?”

“Yeah, he and Ron both searched and scanned everything. It was clean and he told me to carry on my suitcase and the FedEx package rather than checking them so nothing was ever out of my direct control.”

“Who knows you’re here?” Josh asked.

“As far as I know, just Mike, Ron, a few Secret Service agents, the President, Debbie, Charlie, CJ, and Toby,” Sam told him. “I don’t think they even told Leo since he’s still in the hospital and has enough on his mind.”

“How is he doing?” Josh said, his voice laced with concern.

“I didn’t get to see him, of course, but from what CJ and Toby told me, he’s doing remarkably well considering how long he was laying out in the woods at Camp David. His doctors are very optimistic and they were talking about releasing him any day now.”

The three of them were quiet for a moment.

“I’ve got a lot more to tell you,” Sam finally said. “A lot’s been going on with the investigation.”

“Since you’re going to be here all week, that might be better left until we get back to the house,” Donna commented glancing around the now mostly full Sonic Drive-in parking lot. 

Although the three of them were wearing hats and sunglasses, she was still worried someone would recognize Josh or Sam. 

“Not only would it be more secure, but it’s getting late. It’s almost 7 now and we’ve got a long drive ahead of us,” she pointed out.

Josh saw just how full the parking lot had gotten and he nodded in agreement. “Yeah, as much as I want to know everything right now, she’s right. We should be moving on.”

“We try not to stay in any public place for too long,” Donna explained to Sam. “We’re a little paranoid about being too conspicuous or people remembering us if someone comes looking.”

Sam looked between the two of them. “Well, after all the two of you have been through, I’d say a little paranoia is a wise idea.”

“It’s definitely saved our necks on a couple of occasions,” Josh replied. “Donna, you want me to drive home?”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind,” she answered as she gathered up the trash from their dinner and climbed out so she and Josh could change places.

Josh came up beside her as she threw everything into the trash. “This wasn’t quite the dinner I’d had planned,” he said softly so no one else, including Sam, would hear. “I’d planned to take you to this little romantic out of the way Italian place I found on the internet called ‘Marchello’s.’”

Donna reached down and took hold of his hand. “You were going to surprise me and everything weren’t you?”

“That was the idea, yes,” he told her. 

Donna felt her heart melt right into a small puddle. “Has anyone ever told you that you can be very sweet sometimes?”

He gave her a little smile. “I have been told that on occasion, yes.”

“I would have liked Marchello’s,” she said giving his hand a squeeze. 

“You know…” he said moving in to whisper in her ear. “It occurs to me that we’ll be back this way next week to bring you-know-who here to get his rental car and catch his flight. Maybe I could try surprising you again.”

“I like your surprises,” she replied softly. Turning her head, she brushed her lips lightly over his cheek.

Just the feeling of her lips moving lightly over his skin made him want to take her in his arms, press her against the side the car and kiss her senseless. But he knew that would definitely not fall under the heading of ‘keeping a low profile.’ Instead, he pressed his lips to her temple in a lingering kiss. 

“It’s a date,” he whispered.

They stood there for a moment, not really hugging, but just pressed against each other. In many ways, it was almost more intimate than a hug.

“Come on,” Donna finally said. “Let’s go home.”

“’kay,” Josh said with a little sigh as he pulled back. “You need a pit stop before we get on the road?” 

“No, I’m good.”

They walked back to the front passenger door and Josh held it open while she climbed in, then he went around and got behind the wheel. He heard Sam rummaging around in the back seat.

The two of them turned back to see what he was doing. He’d pulled his small suitcase into the backseat with him and was looking for something.

Sam seemed to sense them watching him and he looked up. “What?”

Josh gave him a little lopsided smile. “What’cha doin’ Sam?”

“Oh, I was just getting ready to go,” he replied as he rifled through one of the pockets of his suitcase. “I needed to get my thing.”

“What thing?” Donna asked.

“My blindfold thing.”

“Your blindfold thing?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Where is...ah!” Like an Olympian holding up a gold medal, Sam produced a black scarf from his suitcase and held it up proudly.

Josh turned his head to look at Donna. “I think there are porno movies that start this way.”

Donna smirked, but pretended to ignore him. “Why do you need a blindfold?” she asked Sam. “Are we going to play ‘Whack the Piñata’ or ‘Pin the Tail on the Donkey’?”

“Those even sound like names for porno movies,” Josh joked.

Donna turned to look at him. “I think you’re a little too preoccupied with the porn, Joshua.”

“That’s because it’s been over eight hours since I’ve had your clothes off, Donnatella.”

Donna felt a bolt of heat go right through her making her breath quicken ever so slightly and the warm, wet ache once again hummed deep between her legs. Unconsciously, she licked her lips in anticipation.

Something which did not go unnoticed by Josh.

Baffled at them being so…free with each other, Sam sat there still holding up the scarf.

“Josh...” she chided as she tried to give him a scolding look, but the effect was lost when it turned into more of a grin. “It might be better if you chose your words a bit more carefully. We are in mixed company now. You’re embarrassing Sam.” 

Dropping his hand, Sam seemed to give himself a mental shake. “Hey, don’t stop on my account,” he told them. “Watching the two of talk is better than having a free preview weekend of the Playboy Channel.”

“Sam…!” Donna said, turning her chiding on him. “You’ll just encourage him.”

Josh chuckled. “As if I needed encouragement where you’re concerned.”

“This is what I’m saying,” Donna said with mock annoyance. “Now...” she began as she turned back to Sam. “Back to my original question, Sam. Why do you need a blindfold?”

Sam blinked in surprise. “Oh, I thought you’d already have figured it out,” he replied. “Mike told me I should blindfold myself for the trip back to where you’re staying so that if anyone should find out I’ve been to see you, the only thing I’d be able to tell them is that I met you in Phoenix.”

Like air from a popping balloon, all teasing and sexy banter evaporated out of Josh and Donna. Glancing at each other, they both knew that what Sam was really saying was that if he was somehow discovered and then questioned by Stone or his associates… and ‘questioned’ they knew meant tortured before they killed him, he wouldn’t be able to tell them anything. 

The simple fact that this man, the one who’d been such a friend to both of them, was willing to take that risk, humbled them both. 

“Sam,” Josh said quietly. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Donna picked up the thread. “Josh is right, Sam. We can think of something else. We could send you back to Mike and have him hide you or you could even stay with us for the duration. We’ve got plenty of room at the house.”

Sam stared at them both and knew they were trying to look out for him. “I appreciate it, guys, really,” he said. “But part of the reason they sent me instead of just a package was so that they could check on you and get some feedback from you about what’s been going on with the investigation.” He let out a breath and gave a little shrug. “Besides, in for a penny, in for a pound I always say.”

Josh looked dubious. “Okay, Sam, in all the time I’ve known you I’ve never once heard you say that.”

“Well, I was thinking it,” Sam replied. “How do you think I went from being a New York attorney to White House Deputy Communications Director, to being friends with a call girl, to running for Congress?” He smiled in that self-effacing way he had. “It’s practically my personal mantra.”

Josh and Donna couldn’t help but grin at that. “I guess you have a point,” Josh said.

“Good, just give me a second to get ready,” he told them. Folding the scarf into a long strip that he laid across his lap, he pulled off his baseball cap and sunglasses and then tied the folded scarf over his eyes. 

After he’d put the ball cap back on and pulled the brim down as low over his face as he could, he gave them a grin. “How do I look?”

“Like you belong in a porno movie,” Donna said with a laugh.

“Donna!” Josh exclaimed. 

“What? You were the one who started all the porn talk.”

“Yes, but I’m the only one you should be thinking should be in a porno movie.”

She gave him a seductive little smirk. “You never know, Josh, maybe Sam’s just giving me ideas. Maybe I’m picturing you in a blindfold...and nothing else.”

“Well, dream on because me in a blind fold is not going to happen,” Josh shot back.

“Aww, you’re no fun,” Donna said giving him a little pout. “Why not?”

Josh looked at her with an almost predatory gleam in his eye. “Because I like to watch you too much.”

Donna licked her lips again. The interior of the car suddenly seemed to be a little too warm. “I like it when you watch me.”

Josh flicked a glance at Sam. “Okay, now who’s embarrassing Sam?” Josh chided, but he was smirking. 

“Once again, don’t stop because of me,” Sam said. “I was thinking the best I could hope for was to look like someone Batman and Robin were taking to the Bat Cave, but the porn analogy is much more interesting.”

“Hey, Blind Man’s Bluff, just as long as you’re not picturing Donna in any porn scenarios,” Josh warned.

Sam held up his hands in surrender. “Wouldn’t think of it...well, maybe just a little. I mean you can’t say stuff like that and not expect me to get a couple of tiny images in my head. After all I’m only human, and you know, a guy.”

“Sam...” Josh growled.

“Wait!” Sam said as he raised his hands higher to block his face in case Josh was rearing back to deck him. “Before you kill me or throw me out of the car, let me just say that I’ve never thought of Donna that way.”

“Gee, Sam, thanks a lot, way to make a girl feel special,” Donna teased.

Sam could see that between the two of them he was damned if he did and damned if he didn’t. “What I meant was, yes, Donna’s a beautiful woman who would grace the frames, or you know, video tape, of any porno movie with style and grace...if they had such things in porno movies. But personally, I’ve always thought of her as more like a sister. Especially when ever since the first campaign, it was obvious to me and anyone who was in the same room with the two of you for more than five minutes, that you two belonged together.” He paused. “And I don’t step in another man’s territory, especially when that man is someone I love like a brother.”

Although Sam couldn’t see it, Donna gave him a sweet smile. “Nice save, Sam.”

“Okay Sam, I guess you can stay,” Josh said with a chuckle as he started the engine and they pulled away from the drive-in.

**********

Two hours later, they were speeding through the night, along a two lane ribbon of blacktop that cut through a forested mountain region. Before coming to live there, neither Josh nor Donna had realized just how much of Arizona was more pine trees than cactus.

Snoring softly and still blindfolded, Sam was asleep in the back seat. Josh and Donna had chatted for a while and then fallen into a comfortable and companionable silence. 

Donna, who’d been staring out the window into the night for the last half hour, turned back to Josh. “How are you doing?” she asked. “You getting tired? I could drive for a while if you want.”

“No, I’m good,” he replied. “We’ll be there in another hour or two anyway.”

Feeling the need to touch him, Donna laid her forearm on his seatback and gently combed her fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck. “Is this okay? I mean I’m not bothering you or distracting you from your driving, am I?”

“No, not at all,” he replied with a little smile as he leaned into her touch a bit more. “Feels nice.”

With a nod, Donna laid her head against her headrest and continued to stroke his hair as she stared out the front window. 

“Penny for your thoughts,” Josh said quietly.

“Hmmm?” she said then smiled when she realized what he’d said. “Oh, I’m not sure they’re worth that much,” she told him. “I was just thinking.”

“Anything you want to share?”

Donna paused for a moment. “Josh, I know we’d planned on getting married next weekend, but...”

For a second he thought she was suggesting they not go through with their ‘private’ wedding. “You don’t want to put it off, do you?”

“Actually no, I was thinking just the opposite. What do you think about getting married THIS weekend?”

“You mean tomorrow?” he asked referring to the fact that it was Friday already.

“No, I’ve got a couple of little things I want to do first,” she told him. “I was thinking of Sunday.”

“Donna, I have no problem marrying you this weekend or any weekend, but can I ask why the change in time table?”

“Well, I thought...with Sam here...I guess, I thought it might be nice to have at least one person that we know...that knows us and all we’ve been through be at our wedding,” she explained. “I know we talked about having the wedding be just between us, but he’s been such a good friend to us that I thought it might be kind of fitting.”

Josh reached up and pulled her hand down from the seatback. Bringing it to his mouth he kissed it. “Donna, you don’t have to sell me, I was just curious,” Josh said. “I think it’s a great idea.”

“You do?” she asked with a smile.

“Sure, Sam’s my friend too. I’d like to have him there,” Josh said and he laid their still clasped hands down on his thigh. “I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.”

“Good, I’ll talk to him about it in the morning.”

Josh frowned slightly. “Wait a second, if he’s in the house, does that mean I won’t be getting my marathon honeymoon sex?”

“Leave it to you to think of that,” Donna said with a smile. “No, of course it doesn’t mean that. I’m sure Sam can fend for himself a bit while we get in some honeymoon sex. We’ll just have to limit our activities to the second floor and you will have to try and not be so loud for a change when we’re making love.”

“Me? Loud?!!” he said. Of course he’d been a bit more vocal than he’d meant to. They were both silent a minute to see if Sam had woken up, but the sounds of snoring continued to filter out of the back seat. “Loud?” Josh tried again, this time in a loud whisper. 

“I rest my case,” Donna teased.

“Hey, I’m not the one who was screaming my name at one this morning,” he said with a clear ‘who’s da man’ tone in his voice.

“Okay, so we can both get a little loud,” she conceded unapologetically. “But hey, look at it this way...”

“What?” he said with a frown.

A full grin broke out on her face. “As long as we’re together, we’d apparently make great porn stars.”


	28. Chances

Chapter 28

The next morning, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, Donna walked downstairs to find Sam looking very un-Sam like in khaki cargo shorts, a white t-shirt, no shoes and a plain white apron tied around his waist. He was standing in the kitchen making what looked to be scrambled eggs. While she normally loved eggs, that morning the smell of them cooking make Donna’s stomach roll dangerously.

“’Morning,” Sam greeted her with a smile.

Trying to ignore her pitching stomach, she smiled brightly at him. “Good morning, Sam. Did you, uh, sleep well?”

“Yeah,” he said, adding a bowl full of cheddar cheese to the eggs. “The bed in the den is really comfortable.”

Donna watched the cheese sizzle and melt greasily and felt the bile rising in the back of her throat. “That’s great,” she said attempting to swallow it down. “I was, um, a little worried you’d be tossing and turning all night.”

“Nope, slept like a log,” he said. Then he blinked at her and frowned slightly. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Um, sure, why?” she asked trying to will herself not to be sick.

“You look…I don’t know, a little green,” he said with concern.

“No…I’m okay,” she insisted a little weakly. 

Tea, she needed some tea.

Walking past Sam she got a mug out of the cabinet and went over to the coffee maker. Beside it was a box of decaf Lemon Zinger tea bags. Josh had started making her a cup when he made his coffee in the morning.

Sam had already made coffee that morning and even though it hadn’t bothered her before, the smell of it only churned her stomach even more.

He watched her, a little concerned at the pallor of her skin, but didn’t push it. “Where’s Josh?”

Donna concentrated on breathing in and out and keeping the meager contents of her stomach where they were. “Um…he’ll be down in, uh, a minute,” she said as she tried to focus on making her tea. “He’s, uh, taking a shower.”

“Oh, well, good, he’ll be down just in time to have breakfast,” Sam said as he poured a small bowl of chopped green bell pepper over the eggs. “I made enough for all of us.”

The smell of the cooking green bell pepper sent her over the edge. “Oh, God!” she gasped clamping her hand over her mouth as she made a break for the bathroom.

Stunned, Sam stood there practically frozen as she ran from the room.

About that time Josh came trotting down the stairs, his hair still damp from his shower. “Hey, Sam,” he said pleasantly. He saw the weird look on Sam’s face. “What’s wrong?” He looked around. “Where’s Donna?”

“She, uh...the bathroom,” he stammered.

Sam was further baffled when Josh looked concerned, but not necessarily surprised. He didn’t ask Sam any more questions, but turned and ran out of the room just as Donna had. For some reason, that got Sam moving. Switching off the stove, he ran after them.

When he got to the bathroom, he found the door wide open and Josh already kneeling beside Donna as she retched into the toilet. With so little in her system, she was gagging and dry heaving more than actually throwing up anything. Neither of them were paying any attention to him as he stood in the hall.

Sam was struck by the fact that Josh was holding her hair back with one hand and rubbing her back gently with the other. Although Sam figured Josh wouldn’t be unsympathetic to someone being sick, he never thought he’d be quite so...attentive.

When Donna’s retching finally faded into slightly heavy breathing as she tried to catch her breath, Josh grabbed her some toilet tissue and a glass of water from the sink next to the toilet. He didn’t turn toward the door so he never realized Sam was standing out in the hall.

Still kneeling by the toilet, Donna wiped her face and rinsed her mouth. 

“You okay?” Josh asked as he knelt back down beside her.

Continuing to breathe a little hard, she nodded but stared at him intently for a long moment. “You know what this means, don’t you?”

“Maybe it doesn’t,” Josh replied. “Maybe you’re just getting the flu or something.”

Donna sighed a little tearfully. “Oh, Josh...you and I both know that’s not it.”

Once again, Sam felt like an interloper as he watched a look of utter gentleness cross Josh’s face as he laid a hand on Donna’s cheek, but he couldn’t seem to get his feet to move. There was something really good and pure about seeing them so...connected. It was hard to look away from.

“Yeah, I know,” Josh conceded. “But it’s okay.”

“You’re sure?” she asked.

“Donna, we’ve already talked about this,” Josh said with a smile as his thumb moved across her cheek to wipe away a tear. “I’m positive.”

“Then shouldn’t I take the test now?” she wondered. “Just so we know?”

“You WILL take the test and when you do, I’ll be right there with you.” He paused for a moment. “But for now...well, I just wanted us to have this time. I wanted us to have these couple of days to give us chance to be husband and wife before we confirm we’re going to be parents.”

Rooted to his spot in the hall, Sam blinked. ‘Husband and wife? Parents?’

Mike had told Sam that they were engaged but they were talking like they were already married. And what about the ‘parents’ comment? Could Donna be...? It would explain her being sick. 

Wow.

Knowing he’d already heard way more than Josh and Donna probably would have wanted, Sam silently turned and walked back to the kitchen. Quietly, he put a lid on the eggs and hoped it would cut the smell enough that it wouldn’t make Donna sick again.

Looking around the kitchen for something less ‘odorous,’ Sam walked into the pantry and found a couple of kinds of cold cereal. Pulling a box of Cheerios off the shelf, he went back into the kitchen just as Josh and Donna were emerging from the bathroom.

“Hey, Sam, sorry about before,” Donna said. “It was no reflection on your cooking or anything. I must be getting the flu or something.”

“Oh, no problem,” Sam said. “I can just have cereal.”

“Why? Did you burn the eggs?” Donna asked.

“No, but I didn’t want to make you sick again.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m better now,” she told him as she walked into the kitchen. “I don’t want any eggs, but I don’t mind if you and Josh eat them.” She took the Cheerios box out of his hand. “I’ll have some toast.”

Sam wanted to make some comment, ask some question about what he’d seen and heard in the bathroom, but he sensed now wasn’t the time so he filed it away for later.

“You sure?” he asked her.

“Positive,” she said giving him a reassuring smile.

While Sam dished up the eggs and Donna put some bread in the toaster, Josh took care of all the drinks, including the coffee and tea for Donna. 

The three of them sat down to eat and fell into a companionable silence. 

After a few minutes, Josh felt Donna nudge his leg under the table. Assuming she was trying to play footsies with him, Josh suppressed a grin and ran his foot over hers and up her ankle slightly.

Rather than the little smirk he expected to see on her face, she rolled her eyes, frowned at him with an odd look and nudged his leg harder.

He thought maybe he was doing it wrong so, in what he considered a show of his flexibility, Josh captured her foot between both of his and rubbed her lower leg playfully.

It was Josh’s turn to frown when she pulled her leg away from him and kicked him lightly in the shin. He stared at her as she jerked her head once toward Sam.

“Ow!” Josh exclaimed.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked in concern.

Josh reached down and rubbed his shin. “Ah, nothing...it’s just...a leg cramp or something.”

“Okay, well, I’m going to get some more coffee, you guys need anything else?”

“No, we’re fine,” Donna answered before Josh could.

Sam glanced at Josh with a bit of confusion, but didn’t say anything else before turning and walking into the kitchen.

“What was that for?!” Josh demanded in a harsh whisper.

“I was trying to get your attention,” Donna whispered back.

“I know. In case you hadn’t noticed I was playing footsies with you under the table,” he said.

“Not for that!” she whispered in exasperation. “I wanted you to ask him about the wedding.”

“I was going to,” Josh insisted. “You didn’t have to cause me bodily injury.”

“Oh, stop whining, I didn’t hurt you,” she whispered back.

“There’s enough coffee left in the pot if you want any more, Josh,” Sam said as he returned to the table.

“Thanks,” Josh said trying to sound casual. 

Josh had to force himself not to squirm when he felt the arch of Donna’s foot run slowly and gently over the spot where she’d kicked him. He glanced at her and saw she was now watching him with a playfully seductive look as if she was trying to make up for kicking him. 

Josh raised a questioning eyebrow at her. 

‘Sorry,’ she mouthed.

‘’so okay,’ Josh mouthed back.

The full effect of her apology was ruined when she pulled her foot away and she flicked her glance at Sam pointedly.

‘Now ask him,’ she mouthed.

“Um, Sam...” Josh began.

Sam took a sip of his coffee. “Yeah?”

Josh reached out and covered Donna’s hand with his. “I don’t know if Mike told you or not but, well, Donna and I are engaged.”

Sam smiled. “He did tell me, but if he hadn’t I would have figured it out after seeing the two of you in the car yesterday when you gave her the ring. Congratulations.”

Josh grinned unapologetically. “Thanks.” He paused a moment to glance at Donna. “What Mike doesn’t know is that we want to get married now. We don’t want to wait until after all this is resolved.”

Surprised that he was going to get his are-they-or-aren’t-they-married question answered, Sam blinked at them. “But I thought you couldn’t get married until you came out of hiding. Someone could trace you through the marriage license.”

“Yeah, we know,” Josh said. “But we’d still like to do something so we thought we’d just have a private ceremony.”

“Kind of a commitment ceremony or something?” Sam guessed.

“Right. It was another reason we were in Phoenix. We were getting clothes and some supplies.” Sam nodded so he kept going. “Originally we’d planned to have the ceremony next weekend, but Donna and I were talking and we thought that since you were here we’d have it tomorrow.”

Touched by the sentiment, Sam smiled. “I’d be honored to come.” 

Josh glanced at Donna again. “Actually, Sam, we’d like you to do more than just come to the ceremony.”

Sam frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well, we were thinking maybe you could officiate.”

Sam found himself blinking at them in surprise for the 20th time since he’d stepped off the plane yesterday. “Officiate? What good would that do? It’s not like I’m ordained or anything. It wouldn’t be legal.”

This time it was Donna that answered. “We know that, Sam. It’s not like the ceremony itself is going to be legal but...” She looked at Josh and then back to Sam. “It would seem a little more real if we had someone officiating. The fact that it’s someone that has been such a good friend to us is an added bonus.”

Sam stared at both of them. “When you put it like that, of course, I’ll do it,” he told them. “What do you want me to say?”

“Whatever you want,” Donna replied. “I mean the standard ‘we’re gathered here today’ and ‘do you take him’ and ‘do you take her’ would be good, but beyond that you can say whatever you want.” She looked at Josh again. “I think Josh and I have some vows we’ll want to say too.”

“Yes,” Josh agreed giving her hand a squeeze.

“Okay,” Sam agreed. “I don’t really have anything dressy to wear. I had to pack light and I didn’t bring a suit or anything. I think the jeans I was wearing yesterday are the dressiest thing I brought.”

Donna considered that. “Well, you and Josh are about the same size. You could borrow one of his dress shirts. That and your jeans is fine.”

“Great. So what time tomorrow?”

“You know we hadn’t talked about it,” Josh said looking over at Donna. “Had you give it any thought?”

Donna paused a beat, but the look in her eye told him that she had indeed thought about it. “I’d kind of like to do it just before sunset. Then I thought we could have a late dinner afterward.”

Josh ran his thumb over the back of her hand. “I like it.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, then Donna turned back to Sam. “We’re going to have to go into town today to get a few last minute things. Since we can’t risk anyone seeing you, you’re going to have to stay here.”

“No problem, I’m sure I can find something to do,” Sam replied. “When you get back from town I’ll go over what’s been going on in D.C. with the investigation.” Josh and Donna both nodded in agreement.

“Feel free to watch TV, use the computer, whatever while we’re gone,” Josh told him. “Just remember to stay in the house and if anyone calls or shows up at the front door, find some place to hide because no one should be doing either one.”

Donna jumped in. “And if you use the internet be sure not to access any existing accounts or e-mails and don’t try and contact anyone you know. Those things can be traced back to us.”

Sam watched them silently for a minute. “This is what you’re life has become, hasn’t it?” he said. “Having everything be measured and hidden...always being careful. Even something as simple as shopping becomes a study in your ability to be covert and things like e-mail and getting married become impossible. The reality of what your lives have become, astounds me.” He paused. “When Mike and Ron told me what had happened to you guys and what was going on back in D.C., I expected you to be a little suspicious when I showed up, but I didn’t really get it. I’m sorry about that.”

Josh and Donna both looked a little surprised by what Sam had said and it took a moment before either of them spoke. It was Donna who broke the silence.

“Well, Sam, except for the mortal danger part, we’ve managed to do okay for ourselves.” 

She turned to look at Josh and found him already watching her with eyes gone warm with the ghost of a smile. 

“It’s made us appreciate life and each other and we know not to take any day...any moment, for granted.” 

Donna laid her free hand on Josh’s forearm and turned back to Sam. “At one point we almost lost each other, but Josh wouldn’t let me go.” She grinned. “You know how stubborn he can be.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile back. “Yeah, but somehow it always works for him.” He leaned back in his chair. “So can you tell me just one thing?”

“What’s that?”

He smirked at them. “In case I have to do the hiding thing, can you at least recommend a good place?” 

**********

Their shopping trip went without incident and they got back to the house mid-afternoon to find Sam settled on the living room couch watching baseball on the big screen TV.

Without being asked, he jumped up to help them unload the car, which was laden with extra food to accommodate there being three people in the house instead of just two. Then there was also special food for the wedding dinner and a small one tiered cake Donna had bought at a small specialty bakery in town for them to use as a wedding cake. 

Once they’d gotten everything put away, the three of them settled down at the dining room table to talk and look over the information Sam had brought with him.

“You’re never going to believe who Mike and Ron think is behind all this,” Sam began as he pulled open the box and began to remove items from inside.

“Someone high up at the FBI?” Josh guessed.

“No, no, it goes way beyond the FBI,” Sam replied. “About the time he sent the Secret Service agents to find me, there was a huge break in the case. He finally managed to get an I.D. on the man who’s been after you.” He reached for a file. “As it turns out   
‘Stone’ is only a code name. He pulled a picture out of the file and laid it on the table. “Is this the man?”

Josh and Donna stared mutely at the man who’d almost killed them. Silently, Donna took hold of Josh’s hand. To once again see the monster that still lived in her nightmares, even in something as innocent as a photograph sent shivers dancing along her spine.

“Yeah, that’s him,” Josh finally said as he picked up the photo and studied it. The picture was of a slightly younger Stone and he was wearing a uniform. 

A U.S. Army Ranger Special Forces uniform.

“He was a Ranger?” Josh asked in disbelief.

“Oh, yeah,” Sam said with a nod. “He reached the rank of major and served in the first gulf war. Then was recruited by the CIA for a black ops group the bounced around Southeast Asia and the Middle East.” Sam paused.

“But if he’s in the system, why wasn’t Mike able to get a DNA match on him?”

“Well, that was the big break in the case. Mike did get a DNA match. What took him so long was that he was running the DNA profile through CODIS which only hits known criminals. Originally, Mike hadn’t considered that Stone was on the military and law enforcement end of things.” Sam paused. “His original search was also hampered because he’d limited his inquires to only living persons.”

“What do you mean?” Donna asked with a frown.

“He means...” Josh began with a sigh as he ran a hand over his face. “...according to the system, Stone’s dead.” He turned back to Sam. “Right?”

“Yep, for the last three years apparently,” Sam nodded. “The records indicate he was killed in a helicopter crash outside of Istanbul, Turkey.”

Donna released Josh’s hand as she stood up and paced a few steps away. Anger that seemed to come out of nowhere, rose to a flashpoint inside her. Stone was very much alive. How could they think anything else. What? Did they think she was lying? 

The words were out of her mouth before her brain had even processed them. 

“Well, they’re wrong. He’s not dead!”

“Donna…” Josh said gently.

By then an angry buzzing filled her head and there was a bitter taste in her mouth.

“NO, Josh! They’re wrong. You saw him,” Donna said her voice rising as she spoke. “It was no ghost that killed Amy or broke into my apartment or killed those FBI agents or broke my nose!”

Josh knew better than anyone that a lot of her upset and near hysteria was simply over having the subject of Stone brought up again. He became increasingly alarmed as the blood seemed to drain out of her face and she turned a dangerous shade of white as she continued.

The buzzing had become a roar in Donna’s ears and the breath seemed to catch in her lungs. “And it was certainly NO GHOST THAT SHOT YOU IN CHICAGO!!!” she still managed to yell.

Josh slowly rose from his chair. “Donna...” he tried again hoping to calm her down. “No one’s saying...”

A sudden cold chill seemed to dance over her skin. Donna looked imploringly at him. She had to make him understand. 

“Don’t you see, Josh?! To them this is all some kind of game! But this is OUR LIVES!” Suddenly, her voice faltered. “It’s...it’s...I...” Then her vision wavered. “Josh...” 

Taking a shaky step toward him, her body swayed and she felt things begin to slide away from her. Dimly, she saw rather than heard Josh call her name. Then she felt his arm go around her waist.

Josh felt his heart leap into his throat as he watched her half stumble, half wobble.   
Luckily, he was close enough that he was able to grab her around the waist before anything else happened.

“Whoa...I’m okay...” she murmured as she leaned against him heavily. “Just got dizzy.”

Regardless of what she said, he didn’t trust that she wouldn’t go from just being dizzy to actually passing out. Swiping an arm under her legs, he scooped her up into his arms and carried her to the couch.

“No...put me down...I’m okay,” she protested weakly. She hated feeling like such a burden.

“Be quiet,” he admonished as he laid her out on the couch. “Just take it easy for a minute.” He did his best to swallow down his concern that something was wrong, beyond the fact that she was probably pregnant and overwrought about Stone.

“I’m sorry, Donna,” Sam said as he handed Josh a pillow to put under her head. “I wasn’t trying to say that Stone was actually dead.”

Donna rubbed her temple absently. “It’s okay, Sam,” she told him as she started to sit up.

Josh put a gentle but restraining hand on her shoulder. “No, just lay back for a minute.” 

She relaxed back into the couch. “But I’m fine...really. I just got a little woozy.”

“I know and that’s why you’re going to rest for just a couple minutes until I’m sure you’re not going to get woozy again,” Josh replied. “How do you feel now? Are you nauseous or anything?”

Donna felt things in her body begin to settle. “No. I just feel a little disoriented and have a touch of a headache.”

“Sam, would you go and get her a glass of water and some Tylenol? There’s a bottle by the…”

“No,” Donna interrupted him. “I can’t…I don’t want to take anything. If I’m…if I’ve got the flu,” she said trying to speak in code for Josh. “I shouldn’t.” She glanced at Sam with a small smile. “But some water with a couple of ice cubes would be nice. There’s some bottled water in the pantry.”

Although he knew she was trying to get him out of the room, he smiled back at her reassuringly. “Sure thing.” 

Josh waited until Sam was out of earshot to speak. “You sure you’re okay?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah, she said.” Then she frowned and her hand slid down to lay protectively over her abdomen. “Unless you think something’s wrong with me…with the ba…flu.”

Josh brushed a strand of hair away from her face. “I’m no expert, but since you feel okay now, I think that you got upset and given the fact that you were throwing up this morning and you might be pregnant…” he said firmly not shying away from the words. “You just got dizzy.”

Donna sighed a bit in relief at the confidence he’d put into his words. “I’m sorry to be so much trouble.”

“No trouble at all,” he told her with a smile. “We’ll just call this payback for all the times I showed up at your apartment drunk in the middle of the night.” Josh took it as a good sign that she smiled back. 

“Sounds fair to me,” she said.

He watched her for a moment. “Donna, why don’t you let me go over this stuff with Sam? I could give you a recap later. You could go up and take a nap or a shower. You know, relax or get some rest.”

She considered that. “I want to hear this, Josh,” she said. “I need to know…I deserve to know why this is happening to us. The whole story.”

“But it’s not good for you to get so upset,” he argued gently. “I know it’s hard hearing about Stone again. Even if you aren’t pregnant, it’s not be the best thing for you.” 

“I don’t know what came over me,” she tried to explain. “The words just kept pouring out and I just got angrier and angrier.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m concerned. I don’t want you to get all upset again.”

“I’m not weak, Josh,” she told him. “I’m not some delicate flower that’s going to fall apart.”

“I know you’re not and that wasn’t what I was saying. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met,” he told her honestly. “But, Donna, you’ve also got a lot going on right now. Sometimes you have to take a step back from things.”

She reached out and taking his hand, gave it a squeeze. “I need to do this Josh. Please? I promise I’ll stay calm this time. If I don’t or I start feeling bad, I’ll go upstairs and let you handle things.”

Josh let out a long breath. “You promise?”

“I swear,” she said drawing the fingers of her free hand over her chest. “Cross my heart.”

“Here you go,” Sam said as he walked back to the couch with a glass of ice water. 

“Thanks, Sam,” she said taking it from him and taking a sip. “I’m really sorry I got so upset before.”

“Ah, don’t mention it,” he said. “And for record, no one thinks Stone is actually dead. I just meant that someone has gone to a lot of trouble to conceal his identity.” He paused. “No one is questioning what you’ve said. We’re all behind you, Donna.”

Donna smiled. “Thanks, Sam. That means a lot.”

“Are you feeling up to trying this now?” Josh asked her.

“Yes,” she said handing him the water as she started to sit up again.

“Take it easy,” Josh said.

Moving slowly, the three of them went back to the table and sat down. Once again, Josh took hold of her hand. “Go ahead, Sam,” he prompted.

Sam gave Donna a hesitant look.

“It’s okay, Sam. I promise not to get worked up again.”

“All right. So anyway, the fact that Stone wasn’t in the criminal database and the records showed he was dead, made it harder for Mike to find him and make a DNA match to the sample they took from the hotel in Chicago when you hit him with the car,” Sam explained. “But once he discovered Stone’s real identity a lot of the other pieces of the puzzle started coming together.”

“What did he find?” Josh asked.

“Stone’s real name is Bruce Sanders. Given his stint in the Rangers and the CIA and the fact that someone tried to make it look like he was dead, he’s got ‘private assassin’ written all over him.”

“But who’s he working for?” Donna asked. “It can’t be Congressman McTierney. McTierney’s dead.”

“Mike thinks the whole thing goes back to this man.” Sam reached into the file, pulled out another picture, and laid it on the table.

“Wait, I know this guy,” Josh said. “He’s at Justice. His name is….John…? Jim…? James? Wait…Jameson. That’s it. His name is William Jameson. He’s the number four guy over at Justice right under the Associate Attorney General.”

“Exactly right,” Sam replied. “His official title is ‘Director of Policy.’”

“You mean HE’S involved in this whole mess? Please tell me we didn’t give this guy a job when we took office?” Josh asked heatedly.

“No, actually his is the highest ranking job at Justice that isn’t by Presidential appointment,” Sam clarified. “He got the post a year before President Bartlet took office.”

“Okay, but wait, how does he fit in with Stone?” Josh asked.

“Before he was at Justice, Jameson was Unit Director for Covert Ops at the CIA.”

“And Stone was working for the CIA when he supposedly met his untimely end,” Josh said, connecting the dots. “Crap, Sam, is there any branch of government that isn’t involved in this?”

“Well, so far Mike hasn’t tied in the Supreme Court, but beyond that,” Sam replied.

“You know, that was meant to be rhetorical,” Josh said.

“Oh, sorry.”

Josh let out a breath. “So Stone…err, Sanders and Jameson knew each other through the CIA.”

“Yes, but it goes beyond them both just working there at the same time. Jameson was the Unit Director that RECRUITED Stone for the black ops group. Apparently, the group was one of Jameson’s pet projects. It was set up as an early attempt at counter terrorism six years before 9/11, which is why it was based in the Middle East and Southeast Asia.”

“Yeah, the CIA did a bang up job with that,” Josh said sarcastically.

“Okay, so we’ve got a link between Jameson and Stone,” Donna summarized. “But how did that guy, Sandoval, a DEA agent, get thrown into the mix?”

“I think I can answer that,” Josh said. “A whole host of government agencies fall under the heading of the Justice Department. The FBI, DEA, ATF, and the U.S. Marshall’s service are just a few.”

“Right,” Sam agreed. “Not to mention just about any agency that involves attorneys, civil rights and legal protection under the law. It even involves prisons and parole.”

“Wait...” Josh said. “Wait a second. The Bureau of Prisons. That’s another division of the Justice Department. That’s how they got to McTierney when he was in custody! He was in Federal Custody, in a Federal holding cell, but if they have someone in the Bureau of Prisons it would be simple to get to him and kill him before he could talk.”

“Yes, that’s what Mike thinks too,” Sam said with a nod.

Josh nodded. “Okay, so we’ve got Jameson at the top. He recruits Stone into the CIA and then supposedly kills him off so he can have his very own private assassin doing his dirty work. Sandoval is another hired guy that he drafts from the DEA, but probably much lower on the food chain so Jameson doesn’t bother to fake his death.”

“Actually Sandoval was probably recruited into the fold at Stone’s suggestion,” Sam added. “Sandoval was also an Army Ranger during the first Gulf War. He was a Captain in Stone’s unit. The two of them served together.”

“Circles within circles,” Donna murmured. 

“Exactly,” Sam agreed with her.

“Mike is convinced that with Jameson’s position at Justice he’s got a lot more people on the payroll. The conspiracy looks too big for it to just be him, Stone, and Sandoval. There was also the guy in the FBI motor pool who got away but not before rigging your car with the tracking devices, the attempt on Mike’s life and the fact that his office in the Hoover Building was broken into three times.”

“All of those things suggest someone or a lot of some ones on the inside,” Josh finished.

“Right.”

“But why, Sam? Why would Jameson and whoever, go to all this trouble?” Donna asked. “Why kill Amy and McTierney and try to kill us? What’s in it for them?”

“Mike and Ron both think it simply comes down to money and power,” Sam told them.

“Money?” Josh said. “What do you mean?”

“They think Jameson was blackmailing McTierney.”

“What? What do you mean? Blackmailing him how?”

“Mike’s still working on all the bank records but before I left D.C. he told me that he’s already found evidence that Jameson was paying off Congressman McTierney.”

“No, wait, wouldn’t it be the other way around?” Donna interrupted. “Don’t you mean, McTierney was paying JAMESON? If Jameson was blackmailing McTierney, Jameson would be on the receiving end.” She frowned. “Wouldn’t he?”

Josh stared at Sam for a moment. “Not if McTierney was paying him in other ways.”

“Right,” Sam confirmed. “Congressman McTierney was on House Appropriations, he was the ranking minority member for House Oversight and Reform, and he was the head of the subcommittee on National Security and Emerging Threats and Criminal Justice.”

“All three of which gave him a lot of power and a lot of inside information,” Josh added.

Sam nodded. “Mike suspects that Jameson had something on McTierney. Probably the same things that Amy had pieced together in the documents you found in her freezer. Everything from bribes and kickbacks to election fraud and voter tampering,” he commented. “And with that leverage he blackmailed McTierney into passing him information that a lot of people would pay top dollar for, not to mention that Jameson was in a position to effect how McTierney voted on key issues before each of the committees he was on.”

“Yeah, and Jameson was paying McTierney to make sure he stayed in line and kept the gravy train running.”

“Wait a second,” Donna put in. “How did no one spot what McTierney was doing? If Jameson was paying him all this money, how did it not tip someone off?”

“The biggest reason is that the way the payments were set up was very smart,” Sam explained. “Nearly half the payments were made to a back door account in the Cayman islands set up under the name of McTierney’s youngest daughter. As for the other half of the payments, they all looked perfectly legal. McTierney was receiving them from a company called the ‘Tapestry Group.’ He was listed as a member of their board of directors and since Tapestry didn’t do any direct dealing with the government, the military or any of its subcontractors, there was no indication of conflict of interest. The thing is when you look a little deeper, Tapestry is nothing more than was a shell within a shell.”

“Dummy companies?” Josh guessed.

“Not just dummy companies, but dummy companies that can ultimately be traced back to two slush funds set up for DEA undercover operations.”

“And we’re back to the DEA again,” Donna said. “Maybe Sandoval had a bigger role than just being a good foot soldier.”

“It’s very possible,” Sam agreed. 

“So...Amy gets this dirt on McTierney, but doesn’t know that the congressman is tied up with bigger fish who play very rough,” Josh said, trying to think it through. “McTierney panics. He doesn’t want his affair or his dirty dealings to become public. He either goes to Jameson for help or through some other means Jameson gets wind of his ‘domestic’ problems. Jameson sees Amy and what she’s doing as a threat to the operation.”

Sam nodded. “Right. He doesn’t need to kill McTierney, at least not at that point. But if he takes Amy and whatever information she’s collected out of the picture, life is good again. In fact, he’d probably even have more material to blackmail McTierney with because he could easily make it look like McTierney had Amy killed.”

“He sends Stone, his little Assassin Ken Doll, to kill Amy and get the stuff she collected,” Josh continued. “The problem is that Amy won’t tell him where the stuff is and he misses the fact that Donna is hiding in the bathroom. Not only does she see him and can identify him but Amy tells her where the documents are.”

Donna took a turn. “Okay, but Stone can’t find the documents at Amy’s office or her apartment and he probably figures that either there were no documents or with Amy dead, they’re never going to surface, so he reports back to Jameson and they all breathe a sigh of relief.” 

Josh ran a frustrated hand over his face. “But that goes right out the window when the press gets to the 911 tape and broadcasts it. Now they know about Donna and not only can she identify Stone and possibly shed light on their operation, they think it’s possible SHE knows where the documents are. So now she becomes their focus. If they can take her out and get the documents back they’ll still be able to cover their tracks and head off any investigation.”

Sam felt like they were doing some kind of Who-Done-It round robin, but the story was too fascinating to stop now. ”Jameson sends Stone after Donna, but before he can get very far in finding out what she knows, you and Mike break in and stop him. Then, not realizing how far past McTierney the conspiracy goes, Mike puts her in protective custody. Jameson uses his position at Justice to find out where Donna’s being kept and Stone goes after her. But Donna outwits him again and just like the guard in Amy’s building, four FBI agents end up being collateral damage.”

As soon as the words were out of Sam’s mouth, Donna felt anger spring to life inside her again. She tried to control her breath so it didn’t escalate, but it almost felt like a hive of angry bees had taken up residence in her chest and their buzzing was once again filling her head. 

Collateral Damage? Is that what Agent Reyes and the other people that had died had been reduced to? 

Josh glanced down as he felt Donna tighten her grip on his hand considerably. In fact, it was just at the point where he had to force himself not to wince. Looking over at her, he saw that her breathing had become a bit fast and shallow and she was staring at Sam with the oddest expression.

“Donna...?” Josh said quietly.

Sam was too wrapped up in the story to notice what was going on across the table, and continued. “Donna calls Mike and you and he heads off to get her before Stone does. Of course, you don’t know that Jameson’s had his guy in the FBI motor pool looking out for any vehicle or equipment requisitions from Mike and he’s planted extra GPS devices...”

She couldn’t keep silent any longer. “Collateral damage?” Donna spat, her voice tight as a bow string.

Sam blinked in surprise and Josh frowned.

“That’s all you think those four FBI agents were?!” her voice rising a notch. “Collateral damage?!”

Sam realized he’d stepped back into the mine field. “I...no. I didn’t mean...”

“They were HUMAN BEINGS that gave their lives to protect me, Sam!”

“Donna!” Josh said. There was a slight snap in his voice, but only to get her attention. He could certainly understand why Sam’s choice of words upset her. 

Her head jerked around to look at him and in his eyes she could see his love and concern for her. She really must be going around the bend again if he was looking at her like that. Suddenly a great well of pain seem to open up in her soul and she felt the first hint of tears starting to gather.

“Excuse me...” she murmured tearfully. Dropping Josh’s hand, she quickly got up from the table and made a beeline for the stairs.

Sam sat there shocked. “I didn’t mean,” he repeated looking at Josh.

Josh could tell Sam was sorry enough that he would have happily removed his own tongue at that point. “It’s okay, Sam,” Josh said rising. “I’m just going to go check on her.”

Sam nodded mutely.

Josh went upstairs and found Donna sitting on the side of the bed. Her face was buried in her hands and while she wasn’t sobbing, Josh could tell she was crying. Gently, so as not to startle her, he sat down next to her on the bed.

Donna recognizing Josh by his scent and the warmth of his presence, pulled her hands away from her face and put her arms around him.

“I’m sorry,” she said burying her face against his neck.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. “For what?”

“For getting upset again…for yelling at Sam,” she murmured tearfully.

“Nah, it’s okay. Sam did kind of choose his words a little poorly there,” Josh said, rubbing small circles across her back. “He doesn’t understand, I mean he kind of does, as much as anyone can who wasn’t there, who didn’t go through what you’ve been through. I’ve been through most of the other stuff with you and I don’t pretend to know what it was like for you out at the lake.”

“Sometimes I have nightmares about it,” she admitted. “I know I only heard it happen and didn’t see it, but there are times when I dream I’m right there in the room. That I see him torturing her, trying to get her to tell him where I am.” The sound of renewed tears filled her voice. “I’m screaming that I’m right there and not to hurt her any more, but it’s like I’m a ghost or something and he can’t hear me so he keeps on hurting her and all I can do is watch.”

“I suspected it was something like that,” he told her gently stroking a hand over her hair.

“I have so many nightmares, Josh. Sometimes I’m afraid to close my eyes.”

His hand moved to rub circles over her back again. “I know. I understand about nightmares.”

Her arms tightened on him. “I know you do.” Then she chuckled a little wetly. “It’s not a very fun club to be in, is it?”

Josh smiled at her attempt to add a little levity. “No, it sure isn’t. I’m sorry you’ve been drafted.”

She lifted her tear stained face to look at him. “You know, you’re the only thing that seems to make them bearable.”

“I’m glad,” he replied gently. “Because that summer you stayed with me after Rosslyn, you were the thing that made them bearable for me.”

Donna ran slightly trembling fingers along his jaw. Stretching up a little, she leaned and pressed her lips to his in a slow, tender kiss. When she pulled back she hugged him fiercely. 

“Then I’m glad too,” she whispered as they sat like that for a moment. “Now go downstairs and finish talking to Sam about the thing,” she said letting her arms slide away from him. “Oh, and tell him I’m sorry for yelling at him twice in one day.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I mean if you’re not feeling okay, I can stay...”

“Yep, I’m sure. After I go and splash some water on my face, I think I’m going to stay up here and lay on the bed to watch a little TV. Maybe I’ll even take a nap.”

Josh gave her an assessing look. “But if you have a nightmare...”

“I don’t seem to have them that often when I’m taking a nap and if I do, I know you’ll be up here in a flash.” She paused. “You did put Skippy back under lock and key, right?”

“Yeah, no problem there.”

“Okay, then anything else we can handle.” She tried to give him a reassuring smile. “Right?”

Josh nodded slowly. “Right.” He brushed the back of his hand over her cheek. “Have I mentioned how much I love you?”

Donna smiled softly. “Not in the last hour, but I know. I love you, too.” She tucked some hair behind her ear. “Now go downstairs and be a good host while I go use the bathroom. Oh, but if I do happen to fall asleep, be sure to wake me up by 4:00 so I can get dinner started.”

“No, problem,” he told her.

Although he was still a little reluctant to leave her, Josh sensed she needed a little space so he kissed her gently on the forehead and went back down to talk to Sam. As he reached the bottom of the stairs and started toward the table, Sam stood up.

“God, Josh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” he said. “How is she?”

“Sit down, Sam,” Josh urged. “She’s fine. She’s going to try and get some rest. She also said to tell you she was sorry she yelled at you both times.”

“No, I totally deserved it,” Sam said sitting back down in his chair. “I was way out of line. I should have been more careful when I talked about Stone and I never should have said that thing about collateral damage. It was thoughtless.”

“You didn’t know, Sam,” Josh said. “It’s just that Stone is a touchy subject for her, and what happened at the lake is something she has an especially hard time with. From the safe room, she basically heard Stone torturing and then killing the last FBI agent in an attempt to find where she was hiding. Plus, I think Donna kind of sees us as collateral damage too. In any case, it hits kind of close to home.”

“I know, I see that now.” Sam stared at him for a minute. “Josh,” he began quietly. “I hate to say this, but the first time she got upset, she sounded an awful lot like you did that day right before Christmas when you yelled at the President in the Oval.”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t think she has PTSD like I do but believe me, she and I have already agreed that we’ll both be spending a little time with Stanley Keyworth when this is all over.”

Sam nodded. “Good. Well, I’ll apologize to her again when she comes back down later.”

“Actually, Sam, to be honest, it might be better if you just let it go. If you apologize later, it will just bring it up again and I think most of the time she tries not to think about it,” Josh told him. “Like I said, she’s sorry she yelled at you and doesn’t blame you. I think you’ll see she won’t hold a grudge or have any hard feelings.”

“Well, if that’s the way you think I should handle it...”

“I do.”

“Okay, but if it seems like she’s still bothered by it, I’m going to say something.”

Josh nodded. “Fair enough.” He looked across the table covered in pictures and documents and sighed. “So when is Mike going to bring down indictments for all this?”

“Probably not for a couple weeks yet. While Mike is almost positive this is how it all happened and how everything and everyone ties together, but part of what I told you is theoretical at this point. Especially the money stuff. Mike’s working on the finding the paper trail or someone on the inside that will roll over on Jameson so he has a strong case when he goes for the indictments. He doesn’t want these guys slipping through on a technicality.”

“Makes sense.”

“The good news is that in the few days I was there, it seemed like new information was coming in every day. My feeling is that he’s got it wrapped and it’s just a matter of crossing the ‘i’s and dotting the ‘t’s.”

“Good. The sooner we can get this cleared up, the sooner Donna and I can get on with our lives.”

“Mike said to tell you to watch the TV for news of the indictments. Then after that, to check the Yahoo message board he told you about in the communication protocol. He’ll leave you coded messages about when the trial will be and how he’ll bring you in.” Sam paused. “You do realize that he figures even after the indictments come down, it will be at least six months before it goes to trial. With as wide as this conspiracy apparently goes, he wants you two to stay hidden until the trial.”

“Yeah,” Josh said with a sigh. “I figured as much.”

“When this breaks there’s going to be hell to pay in D.C. and especially at Justice.”

Josh leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the President cleans house and asks the Attorney General and his Deputy to clean out their desks for not knowing about all the dirty dealing going on under their noses.”

Sam nodded. “Right. I’m guessing there’ll also be a congressional investigation into McTierney’s dealings to make sure he didn’t have any other congressmen or staffers on the take with him.”

“Oh, I think a congressional inquiry is a given.”

The two of them sat there for a moment, mulling over all that they’d talked about and occasionally looking over a certain document or picture.

“Say, I almost forgot,” Sam said, picking the FedEx box up again. “On a lighter note, I’ve actually got some things you and Donna might enjoy.”

“What’s that?” Josh asked with a frown.

Sam cleared a small part of the table off and then tipped the open part of the box toward the table so the remaining contents, what looked to be a number of standard, white business sized envelopes, spilled out. “I’ve got the money you wanted and there are also some messages for you and Donna.”

“From who?”

“See for yourself,” Sam said, handing him a stack of the envelopes. 

Each of them had been addressed to “Josh and Donna.” He flipped through the sealed envelopes, recognizing all of the various handwritings. CJ, Toby, Mike, his mom, Donna’s mom, Charlie, the First Lady, and even one written in the President’s neat scrawl. They had all taken the time to write them some kind of note. One of them, the last one in the pile, made him smile. 

“Did you ever notice that Margaret’s writing is strange?”

“Strange?” Sam said. “Strange, how?”

“It’s hard to describe exactly,” Josh said giving a half laugh. “I mean it’s legible but it always makes me think that’s how a serial killer would write.”

“So you’ve studied how serial killers write?” Sam teased. “Why Josh, this is a whole new side of you. Maybe if you get tired of politics you could be a forensic handwriting analyst.”

“Ha, ha, very funny. I’ve missed the acerbic wit of yours, Samuel.”

Sam grinned as he gathered up all the papers he’d spread across the table and slid them back into the box. “Good to know I’ve been missed.”

“That you have, old friend,” Josh said. “Come on, I’ll save these messages for later so Donna can read them with me. How about we grab a beer and see if there’s another baseball game to watch on TV?”

“Works for me,” Sam replied.


	29. Chances

Chapter 29

Bruce Sanders, aka “Stone” laid in bed and thought quite gleefully of all the ways he wanted to make the little blonde bitch suffer for putting him in his current predicament. He knew she was out of his grasp for now and although he had no doubt Jameson had already set other blood hounds on her trail, he knew they wouldn’t find her and he’d get his chance again. Thoughts of making her suffer were the only thing that had gotten him through the last few weeks. And he’d see to it that this time the price would be a whole lot higher than a broken nose.

If not for his back-up plan in Chicago and his own private network he’d staffed with people loyal to him rather than Jameson, he would have been caught. As it was, he was all but a prisoner in this bed. Two broken ribs, his knee shattered, and his leg broken in three places and now pinned together like a jigsaw puzzle had left him immobile. He couldn’t even get up to take a piss. 

He glanced out the window of his hospital room. It didn’t have much of a view. Just the endless trees that bordered that side of the building. The small hospital he was currently in was in Canada, just outside of Winnipeg, Manitoba. It wasn’t the first hospital he’d been in for his injuries.

Using an alias, he’d had his leg initially operated on at a hospital in Sioux City, Iowa. Knowing he wasn’t safe anywhere in the States right now, shortly after his first surgery, he’d signed himself out and had two of his most trusted associates get him into Canada where he’d signed himself back into this private hospital, again under a fake identity. 

He knew his association with Jameson was all but over. On the one hand, taking out the Moss bitch would put him back into Jameson’s good graces. Of course, at this point, his reasons for taking her out were more personal than professional. The doctors had told him that even with a couple of months of physical therapy he would most likely have a limp for the rest of his life, if not need to also use a cane. That would make him useless as Jameson’s go-to guy, hell as anyone’s go-to guy. No assassin worth his salt gimped around with a cane.

And he laid the blame squarely on her shoulders.

So after he makes her, and for good measure Lyman, pay for what they’ve done...pay dearly, he’ll use a small piece of the considerable money he had stashed away to find some nice beach south of the equator and work on his tan. 

Stone smiled. And while he was lying on that beach sipping something cool, he’d live the rest of his life savoring the image of her dead, broken body lying at his feet.

**********

Quietly, Josh made his way upstairs. As expected, he found the TV on and Donna lying in the middle of the bed, sound asleep. Switching off the TV, he walked over to the bed and watched her for a moment. She looked peaceful and he hadn’t heard a peep out of her since he’d left her there a couple hours ago. Lying on her side as was her habit, one arm was resting limply straight out beside her while the other one was draped over her hip and her hand was resting on her abdomen.

Josh smiled at the fact that even in sleep she was protective of the child she most likely carried. 

Their child.

Josh felt that thought go through him in a wave. A father. There was every chance he was going to be a father. While it still didn’t weird him out, it did give him pause. What kind of father would he be? It wasn’t like he’d ever been around kids all that much and in a lot of ways, being as old as he was, he’d pretty much given up on the idea of finding someone he’d even want to have kids WITH, much less actually having them. 

The running-for-their-lives part aside, finding The Someone had been surprisingly easy in Donna. He had no doubt that she would be an amazing mother, but he wondered if he’d develop any instincts of his own. On the other hand, he did want to have kids with her. That was something, wasn’t it?”

He also recognized that there was a difference between being a sperm donor and a father and he definitely wanted to be the latter. He wanted to be there for his kids and for Donna, but politics was the only thing he’d really ever known, the only thing he’d ever wanted to do. Would he be able to find some balance? Or would he always let work come first? Would he be so busy being the guy someone else counted on that his own family wouldn’t be able to count on him? Would politics come before school plays and the chicken pox and science fairs and trips to the zoo and helping them with their homework?

Josh let out a mental sigh. Well, he’d just have to work on that. In any case, while he did worry a bit, he was strangely excited at the prospect of getting to meet his child.

Of course, right now, his focus was mostly on getting married tomorrow. He didn’t worry nearly as much about being a good husband as he did a good father. Donna would make it easy for him to be a good husband. She understood him better than anyone ever had and he knew she would keep him in line. 

And then there was the marathon honeymoon sex. He was definitely looking forward to that. Or at least as much sex as he was going to get with Sam in the house. 

With a little grin, he gently sat down on the bed. Donna didn’t even stir as the bed shifted.

‘She must have really been tired,’ Josh thought. 

He made a mental note to see that she got more sleep. If she was indeed pregnant, she’d need her rest more than ever. He’d also better start reading the two pregnancy book he’d secretly bought at Borders while Donna had been shopping at Victoria’s Secret. The pregnancy thing was new to both of them and he wanted to be sure he did everything he could to help her and take care of her. To do that he had to know what to expect.

Softly he leaned forward and starting near her ear, he planted soft feather kisses along her jaw to her chin. As he did, she sighed softly and with her eyes still closed, rolled onto her back bonelessly. 

Continuing down his previous path, he kissed her chin, then nibbled on her bottom lip playfully before capturing her mouth with his. He could feel her body respond as she rose up through the layers of sleep. First her mouth was still, then it began to move against his, slowly matching the rhythm of his gentle ravishment of her mouth. Then her hand lifted off the bed and slid into the hair at the nape of his neck to hold his mouth more firmly against hers.

Things quickly escalated from there and her mouth opened for him, giving him a welcome invitation to come inside. His tongue slid inside to taste the warm confines of her mouth and he eased down to let some of his weight press her against the mattress.

It was at that point that some distant, blood starved part of his brain reminded him why he’d come up there and somehow he managed to pull away from her.

“Um...ah...dinner’s...ready,” he said breathing hard. 

He had to suppress a groan as he looked down at her. Watching him with sleepy eyes, her hair was spread out over the pillow, and her chest heaved slightly as she tried to catch her breath. A hot surge of lust went right to his groin.

Her hand was still on the nape of his neck and she gently tugged at him. “I like what I was tasting a minute ago just fine.”

Josh grinned. “As it so happens there’s plenty to go around,” he said, lowering his mouth to hers again.

Sam’s voice split the quiet. “Hey, you guys! The garlic bread is done!” 

“On the other hand…” Donna mumbled, dropping her hand and letting out a sigh. 

“We’ll be down in just a minute, Sam!” Josh yelled back. 

He shifted positions so she could sit up. “Well, there’s always after dinner. The good thing about what you were just tasting is that it never gets cold and it never spoils,” he told her with a grin and waggled eye brows. “We can have another…tasting later.”

Donna sat up and swung her legs around so she was sitting next to him on the side of the bed. “Actually, I was thinking about that before I fell asleep.”

He smirked. “You were thinking about…us…before you fell asleep?”

Raising her eyebrow, she gave him a questioning look. “Yes, but not in the way you think.”

Not knowing if he should be worried, his smirked drifted away. “Oh, okay…well in what way?”

“It’s sort of why I was just trying to have my way with you just now.” 

“Yeah?” he said cautiously.

Donna toyed with the hem of her t-shirt for a moment. “I was thinking that maybe we shouldn’t sleep together tonight.”

He felt like she’d smacked him in the head. “Wha…what? Why?”

“Now before you get all wound up…” Donna began. “I just mean for tonight. You know a lot of couples don’t spend the night before their wedding together. It makes their wedding night a little more special.”

“I don’t know, it might be kind of hard for me to sleep with you without, you know…sleeping with you.”

“Well…I kind of figured, so…” she hedged.

Josh frowned. “What?”

“Do you think you could sleep downstairs with…” She didn’t have a chance to finish. 

“You want me to sleep on the sofa bed with Sam?!” he guessed.

“Keep your voice down,” she hissed in a loud whisper. “You’ll give Sam a complex!”

“What about…” he lowered his voice to a harsh whisper. “What about me?! What about MY complex?”

“You don’t have a complex.”

“I will if you make me sleep downstairs with Sam on the sofa bed the night before our wedding!”

“Well, then I don’t know, sleep on the couch instead,” she suggested. “It’s big and roomy.”

“But Donnnnnaaaaaaa,” he whined running a hand through his hair. “I want to sleep with you in our nice king sized bed.”

“Please, Joshua,” she said, giving him her sexiest pout.

He stared at her. “You know you can’t use your pout and your sexy voice when you expect me not to think of having sex with you. It’s like showing a gallon of cold water to a man dying of thirst and then locking it away.”

She stared down at her hands. “Fine, whatever, it was just an idea.”

Josh could hear the disappointment in her voice. “Donnnaaa,” he moaned, flopping back on the bed and covering his face with his hands. Dropping his hands, he stared at her. “You really want to do this? I mean you’re not just yankin’ my chain or something, right?”

She glanced back at him. “Well, like I said it was just a thought, but yes I would. It goes back to that whole not seeing the bride before the wedding being bad luck thing.”

“You mean I don’t get to see you at all tomorrow until the wedding either?!” he asked.

“No, I’ve got too much to do tomorrow for that,” she said. “That’s kind of why I’d kind of like to have us at least be apart tonight. It’s symbolic.”

Josh gave her a long, dubious look.

“Look, if it would make it easier, I’LL sleep on the couch,” she volunteered.

He sat up next to her and let out a breath. “No, you won’t. The sofa bed in the den is a double so I’ll see if Sam wouldn’t mind a roommate for one night. Otherwise I’ll be the one to sleep on the couch.”

Donna grinned and bumped his shoulder with hers. “Thanks.”

“Hey! You guys coming?!” Sam called upstairs.

“Apparently not tonight,” Josh grumbled as Donna grinned at him. 

“Yes, Sam, we’re on our way!” Donna yelled back. She leaned in close to Josh and spoke quietly. “I’ll make it up to you tomorrow night, I swear.”

Josh let out a resigned breath, stood up and held out his hand. “Okay, come on, let’s go eat.”

Donna continued to grin as she took his hand and they started for the stairs. “Hey, I thought I asked you to wake me at four to make dinner?”

He shrugged. “Well, you seemed really tired so Sam and I muddled through and made dinner ourselves.”

She paused at the top of the stairs. “You and Sam...cooked? Unsupervised?” she asked in disbelief.

“You don’t have to look so shocked you know,” Josh told her. “It was spaghetti and a salad, not chicken cordon bleu. The sauce is even from a jar. It’s half a step up from macaroni and cheese. Actually it’s even easier than Kraft Mac and Cheese because it didn’t take any measuring and there weren’t as many ingredients.”

“Since I was planning to make spaghetti and a salad for dinner too, it’s good to know that you think so highly of my cooking skills,” she teased as she started down the stairs.

“What? No,” Josh back pedaled as he hurried after her. “I didn’t mean it like that. I love your cooking. I’m sure you would have made it better than we did.”

Donna couldn’t help but grin as she got to the ground floor and started for the dining room. “I was just kidding, Josh. I picked it because it was easy. I’m leaving the complicated stuff for the wedding dinner.”

They found Sam standing by the table expectantly and, if Donna didn’t miss her guess, he looked a little…nervous. She just hoped it wasn’t because of her earlier actions.

“Hey, Sam,” she said brightly trying to put him at ease. 

“Hi,” he said, giving them a goofy little wave.

She glanced at the table and was shocked. It was completely set and organized. Even the silverware looked like it had been measured with a ruler to be exactly the same distance from the plates. There was a steaming bowl of noodles with an equally steaming bowl of sauce sitting next to it and there was a gorgeous salad containing about every kind of vegetable they had in the kitchen and the pantry, topped off with a slight dusting of mozzarella cheese. There was a container of grated mozzarella and another one of parmesan to put on the spaghetti and there were three different kinds of dressing to put on the salad. To round things out, a foil wrapped package of what Donna assumed was warm garlic bread was also on the table.

“Sam, did you set the table?”

Sam swallowed a little uncomfortably. “Um, yes. Did I do it wrong? I could change it. Is it too crowded? Did I leave something out?”

Donna frowned to hear him babbling a little, which she knew he did when he was nervous or unsure of himself.

“No, Sam, I was going to say that it was beautiful. Josh and I usually just serve ourselves in the kitchen and then sit down at the table to eat.”

“Oh, well, I could take everything back in the kitchen if you want,” he offered quickly.

“No, I…” Donna tried.

“It wouldn’t be any problem, really,” he said picking up the noodles.

“Sam…please put the noodles down. I like it this way,” Donna told him. “I just meant it was a treat since Josh and I are usually too lazy to make it nice like this.”

Josh, who had been staring at Sam, frowned. “What’s with you, man?”

“Nothing, I just, you know, hoped Donna liked the way I set the table. Some women are particular about that.” He got a slight deer-in-headlights look on his face. “Not that you’re one of those women, of course,” he tried to clarify. “Well, I mean unless you are, there’s nothing wrong with it if you are, just like there’s nothing wrong with it if you aren’t.”

Donna got the distinct impression that Sam was actually a little scared of her. Carefully, she walked over to him and took the bowl of noodles out of his hands and set it back on the table. 

“Sam, it’s okay. I like a nice table, but I’m not going to go crazy if it’s not perfect,” she said trying to calm him down. “Now, please sit down.” She turned to Josh. “Let’s all sit down and enjoy the wonderful dinner you guys made.”

Looking slightly mollified, Sam sat down and the three of them started filling their plates.

“Sam, you made this salad too, didn’t you?’ she said, trying to praise him. 

“How did you know it was me?” he said as the deer-in-the-headlights look came back gain. “Did I chop it too fine or too coarse?” 

“No, it’s…” Donna tried but Sam had started babbling again. 

“Did I leave anything out? I almost made croutons. Would you like me make some? It’s easy, you just basically take slices of bread and cut them into cubes then drizzle garlic and butter on them and maybe some parmesan and then you bake it in the oven for a while. I could still make some. You know I think I’ll go make some.” He started to rise from his chair and Donna knew it was time to take him in hand.

“Sam, sit down,’ she said quietly, but firmly. It had the desired effect and Sam sank back into his chair. “I appreciate the thought, but we don’t need croutons.”

Josh sat there staring opened mouthed at Sam for a second. “I’m not sure if I should be more worried that you keep babbling like a lunatic or that you know how to make homemade croutons.”

“Josh,” Donna chided. “Leave Sam alone.” 

Reaching across the table she took hold of Sam’s hand. “Sam, the salad is perfect. What I was going to say was that I knew you had to have made it because, if I’m lucky, Josh’s idea of salad is ripping open one of those pre-made bags of salad and dumping it in a bowl. He would never think to add all the wonderful vegetables you did.”

“Hey, it says SALAD on the bag,” Josh said, trying to defend himself. “It’s got carrots in it too.”

Donna ignored him and kept looking at Sam. “Is this about what happened earlier?” 

“No, of course not.”

“Sam.” Donna challenged quietly.

“Well…” he began. “I just didn’t want to upset you again.”

Donna gave him a little smile as she sighed. “Sam, it was wrong of me to get so upset. It wasn’t your fault. It’s just that, well, I haven’t had to talk a lot about what happened. I mean, Josh pretty much knows all about it so we don’t talk much about it. So rehashing it today was kind of hard for me. Plus…” she glanced at Josh. “I‘m going through some kind of female thing and I seem to be having major hormonal surges.” Her smile widened. “But I think if we stay off the topic of Stone I think you’ll be safe from bodily harm.”

Sam seemed to visibly relax. “Okay, thanks.”

She gave his hand a final squeeze and sat back in her chair. “And thank you for helping Josh with dinner. It was very nice of you.”

“I made the sauce and the noodles, you know,” Josh grumbled. “Don’t I get any credit?”

“Yeah, he even did most of the work on the garlic bread,” Sam told her. “He buttered it and seasoned it.”

“You did?” Donna asked with a little smile.

“Yes, I did,” he said proudly. 

“Yeah, I just stuck it in the oven and made sure it didn’t burn,” Sam added.

Leaning over she kissed Josh on the cheek. “Thank you for making dinner too, Joshua and for letting me sleep a little longer.”

It was Josh’s turn to grin and he rubbed his hands together. “Okay, let’s eat! I’m suddenly starving.”

**********

The rest of dinner proceeded without incident and in fact, the three of them settled down and it felt like old times.

“Well...” Donna said sitting back in her chair and letting out a sigh. “That was a wonderful dinner. I’m stuffed.”

“Yeah, it was pretty good, wasn’t it?” Josh said smugly.

“You’re going to gloat about this for a while, aren’t you?” Donna asked.

“Of course.”

“Well, in that case, I’m going to clear the table,” Donna said getting up and starting to pick up empty dishes.

“I’ll help you,” Josh said, moving to get up.

“No, no, you relax,” she told him. “You guys made dinner so I’ll clear and wash the dishes.” 

“Okay, but actually could you wait on washing the dishes?” Josh said standing up and walking over to the small kitchen desk where he’d left the envelopes. “There’s something I want you to see first.”

She frowned as she put their plates by the sink. “What is it?”

“Don’t worry,” he said walking back to the table with the envelopes and taking his seat. “It’s a good thing.” He patted her chair. “Come here and sit down.”

Donna looked at him suspiciously as she walked back to the table and sat down next to him. “All right.”

“Sam brought us some messages from home,” he said, handing her the stack of envelopes. “I thought maybe you’d like to read them.”

Donna flipped through them, and like Josh, she recognized everyone’s handwriting. She was immensely touched that so many people had taken the time to write to them. 

“That was so sweet of them,” she said a little tearfully. “Didn’t you read them yet?” she asked, seeing that they all appeared to still be sealed.

“No, I thought you’d like it if we read them together,” he told her.

“I’d like that,” she replied.

“Hey, do you guys want me to go in the den so you can have some privacy?” Sam asked.

“No, Sam. It’s fine, you can stay,” Donna told him. “In fact, I think after all the trouble you went to so we could have them you should stay.”

Pleased, Sam smiled. “Well, if you’re sure it’s okay.”

“Go ahead, open one,” Josh urged her gently.

With a smile, she shuffled through them. “I don’t know which one to open first.”

“How about the one from Mike?” Josh suggested. “That should be an easy one.”

Donna nodded and feeling a little like a kid on Christmas, tore open Mike’s envelope.

“Read it out loud,” Josh said. Donna grinned and started to read.

Hi Guys,

Sorry I couldn’t warn you ahead of time that Sam was coming. I just couldn’t take the chance that someone would find out and put you all in danger.

I’m sure by now Sam has filled you in on everything that has been going on with the investigation. Even I’ve been stunned at how far reaching this conspiracy goes. It makes it all the more imperative that you continue to be vigilant and cautious. Don’t let down your guard. The people involved with this will stop at nothing to tie up loose ends. 

And don’t worry about Sam, we’ve taken every precaution to ensure his safety. You should know that when we asked for his help, he didn’t even hesitate. 

I’m glad that the two of you have worked things out and even in the midst of this mess are determined to be together. I can’t say that I’m surprised though. When this started I figured you’d either kill each other or realize how much you loved each other. I’m glad it was the latter. 

Tell Sam if you need anything and I’ll do my best to make it happen. Again, I caution you not to take any chances.

Mike

“That was nice of him,” Donna said. “I’ve always like Mike.” She turned to Josh. “Did you know he almost asked me out once?”

“HE WHAT?!” Josh yelled. 

She grinned. “Yeah, he said if there hadn’t been a crisis going on at the time he would have normally been hitting on me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Josh said in disbelief. “I’ll kill him!” 

She glanced at Sam. “Hence the reason I didn’t tell him.”

“Donna!” Josh exclaimed.

“Relax Josh. I think he was just kidding anyway.” She started flipping through the envelopes again. “Besides, at the time I didn’t know that you’d care if he did or not. In fact, if he had asked me out I would have thought you would have approved seeing as how Mike is the ultimate anti-gomer.”

“That’s exactly WHY he shouldn’t be asking you out!!!” Josh practically yelled.

“Cool down there, He-Man.” She patted his hand. “You have nothing to worry about. I’m off the market.”

“Damn right you are,” Josh said smugly. 

Donna pulled another envelope out. “Here’s one from Toby, let’s read it next. You want to do the honors this time?” she asked Josh.

“Sure,” he said taking the envelope from her and tearing it open. As expected, Toby’s note was brief and to the point.

Josh,

I hope you know you don’t deserve her. You better get down on your knees and thank her for agreeing to marry you.

And if you hurt her, I will beat the ever living crap out of you.

Donna,

Don’t let him push you around. You’re the best thing that ever happened to him.

Masel tov,  
Toby

Sam snickered. “Typical Toby.”

“Yeah, some things never change,” Josh replied.

“Now leave Toby alone. That was a very nice note,” she defended.

“Only because you’re the one who came out looking good in it.”

Donna grinned. “This is true.”

“Hey, there’s a letter there from each of our moms, why don’t you read both of those next?” he suggested.

Donna found both of them and pulled them out. The one from her mother was on top so she opened it first.

Dearest Donna,

Your father and I have been so worried about you, but we understand that you can’t contact us right now and why. You should know that Mr. Casper and Mr. Ziegler have done a good job at keeping us informed on how you’re doing. We even had a call from President Bartlet himself. He seems like a very kind man.

We were thrilled to hear that you and Josh are engaged. I know how much you’ve cared for him all these years and although we don’t know him as much as we’d like, we hope that will change very soon.

Rest assured we are fine and think of you both often. Take care of yourselves.

Love,   
Mom

“Finally one of them that doesn’t make me sound like a big gomer who’s going to break your heart.”

Rather than teasing him, Donna took his hand. “I know you’re not going to break my heart,” she said. “And that’s all that matters.”

Josh was a little choked up for a second as he gave her hand a squeeze. “Read the one from my mom,” he finally managed.

Joshua,

I’m so glad you and Donna have finally figured out what those around you have known for years. I’ve always loved Donna like a daughter and I’m glad you’re making it official. Were you able to give her the ring I sent you? Then again, she might want something new and unique to her. Whatever makes you both happy is fine with me.

The only advice on marriage I can give you is to love each other and don’t forget to communicate. Even when you argue or fight, as married people will do, love each other and never go to bed angry.

Be safe and take care of each other.

Love   
Mom

P.S. Any ETA on when I’ll be getting grandchildren?

Donna had tears in her eyes as she read the last line and she looked up at Josh. “I’ve always loved your mother too,” she said quietly. “We’ll have to see what we can do about the grandchildren.”

He laid his hand on her arm. “Yeah, we will.”

Sam sat quietly as he watched another quiet, intimate moment pass between them.

Donna sniffed. “Why don’t you read the next one, Josh? I think I need a little break from reading.”

“Of course, I will,” he said. Reaching into the dwindling pile of envelopes, he pulled out one. “I’ll read CJ’s next.”

Hey you crazy kids,

So you went and finally did it? I was sure you’d never get your collective acts together.

All I can say is congratulations and I’m glad that I’m no longer Press Secretary. I’ll get a twisted joy out of watching Toby having to answer the Press questions about your love life.

I wish you weren’t caught up in this mess because I could really use both of you here to support me in my new role. My life would be a lot easier with you back on the team.

Josh…

I know if you were here you’d be sitting in this chair. It feels surreal to be doing this in your place. I also wanted to be the one to tell you that I have to hire a new deputy, at least in the interim until you can come back. There is just no way I can do this job without a deputy. On the other hand, the President has told me that as long as you and Donna want to be a part of the administration, there will be a place for you both.

Donna, my darling...

The Sisterhood misses you terribly and if Josh gives you a moment’s grief we’ll make him suffer.

Take care of yourselves and I’ll see you soon.

CJ

“What’s so funny?” Josh asked Sam who was almost snickering.

“The image of Toby having to take questions about your love life. I can just see him practically squirming.”

Josh had to grin. “Yeah, I just hope they show it on TV.”

Donna looked down at the next envelope on the pile. “Hey, here’s one from Charlie.”

“Well, go ahead and open it.”

She ripped open the envelope to find a note that was even briefer and more to the point than Toby’s.

Hey Man,

It’s about time you made an honest woman of the girl.

Take care of her,  
Charlie

“Sounds, like Charlie,” Josh said with a laugh. “Which envelopes are left?”

Donna spread out the last three. “The President, the First Lady, and the one that was written by Margaret, which I assume is from Leo. Which one do you want to read next?”

“Well, I’m a little afraid of the one from Mrs. Bartlet,” Josh said. “So I think I’ll take Leo’s.” Donna handed him the envelope and after opening it, he began to read aloud.

Hi Kids,

I’m doing great, but my hands aren’t so steady these days so I’m having Margaret write this down for me.

So you two finally got it together? Well, all I can say is it’s about time and the President owes me $50. 

Take care of her, Josh. Don’t make the mistakes I did with Jenny. You won’t find anyone better for you than her. She’s your match.

Don’t screw it up,  
Leo

Josh stared down at the letter, his heart a little heavy. Although it wouldn’t have mattered in the grand scheme of things with Donna, Josh was glad that Leo had given his approval of his relationship with her. He wished he could be there to see Leo in person and talk to him about everything that was going on.

As usual, Donna seemed to read his mind. “You’ll see him soon, Josh,” she said, laying her hand on his arm. 

“Yeah, I know,” Josh said quietly. He turned to look at her. “When I heard about his heart attack it really threw me. I couldn’t…I can’t imagine him not being there.”

The three of them sat there quietly for a moment, then Josh seemed to shake himself.

“Okay, Donna, why don’t you read the one from the First Lady?”

Picking it up, she studied the neat handwriting on the front of the envelope before opening it. She was very touched that Mrs. Bartlet would take the time to send them a personal note.

Hi you two,

I was so happy to hear that you’re engaged. Secretly, I’ve been rooting for the two of you since the first campaign. I know Donna will find that surprising since I pushed Amy Gardner in Josh’s direction. My only excuse for that is the fact that, as Jed will readily tell you, I like to meddle.

However, it was a mistake and a miscalculation on my part. It’s just that after Rosslyn I saw how much Donna cared for you Josh and when nothing happened between you I thought maybe I’d read the situation wrong. Consequently, even though Amy was the polar opposite of Donna, I thought she might be a good fit. I see now that you were just both being jackasses and I should have left well enough alone. Rest assured Jed will not let me forget this fact and will be gloating over it for at least the rest of his term in office.

Speaking as someone who has more than a passing familiarity with going through tough times with the one you love, remember that the reason you’ve survived this ordeal is because you’ve had each other. Hang onto that and you’ll be fine no matter what.

Please let me know if there’s anything Jed and I can do for you.

Warmest wishes,  
Abbey

“Now see, that wasn’t so bad,” Donna said.

“She called us jackasses,” Josh pointed out.

“Yes, but that’s just something she does. For her it’s like an endearment,” Donna replied. “She loves the President and she calls him that all the time.”

“I’m not sure if that’s comforting or not.”

Donna handed him the last envelope. “Last one. It’s from the President. Why don’t you do the honors?”

“I just hope it doesn’t include an essay on engagement and marriage customs through the centuries,” he said taking the envelope from her.

“Be nice, Josh, he is the President,” Donna chided.

“Plus you should count yourself lucky that he’s not here in person to give you a lecture on it instead,” Sam tossed in.

“Sam!” Donna chided as Josh laughed.

“Good point, Sam,” he said still chuckling as he opened the envelope. He pulled out two sheets of paper and as he started to read, he was surprised to see both notes were relatively short.

Josh,

Congratulations on your engagement.

Now that you’ve got her back, keep yourselves safe and remember what I said that terrible night in your office when she was missing.

Oh, and if you hurt her, you’d do well to also remember that the Secret Service works for me and I will happily have them break your knee caps.

When you get this resolved, you’ll both have a place in my administration for as long as you want one.

Best Wishes,  
Jed

Donnatella,

You’ve always had a special place in my heart, not to mention in the administration. I’ve watched you handle Josh better than anyone, except maybe Leo and I know he’d be lost without you.

I’ve also seen you grow in confidence and responsibility and it’s been a remarkable thing to see. As I told Josh, you’ll both have a job in my administration as long as you want one, although personally I think you’ve grown past being Josh’s assistant and are ready for more. If you feel the same way, talk to CJ when you get back and we’ll see what we can do. 

Be safe, take care of the lunatic, and congratulations.

All my best,  
Jed

“Why is it that I’ve come out looking like a jerk in almost all these notes?” Josh asked in exasperation.

Instead of answering, Donna only stared at him for a long moment. “What did he say to you the night I was missing?” she asked quietly.

Josh blinked at her. He didn’t realize she’d picked up on that.

“I was...” he found that he had to take a breath before continuing. “Um...I was pretty upset when Mike told me what had happened at the lake and that the agents had been killed and you were missing,” Josh explained with a slight catch in his voice.

Donna laid her hand over Josh’s. It was easy for her to forget that she wasn’t the only who’d suffered that night. “Go on.”

Josh covered her hand with his. “While I was waiting for Mike to get some kind of news on what happened to you, the President came to see me. He said he had faith that I’d get you back and when I did, I shouldn’t worry about politics or the press. He said I should hold onto you with both hands and never let go.”

Donna felt tears swim in her eyes, but she didn’t care. “He said that? Really?”

“Yeah, and he was right,” Josh replied. 

“Oh, Josh,” Donna said with a little sniff as she put her arms around him and pulled him into a hug.

He hugged her back. “He was definitely right.”

Donna just breathed in the scent of him, letting it fill her with a sense of peace. After a moment, she pulled back and looked over at Sam.

“Thanks for bringing these, Sam,” she told him as she quickly swiped at a tear that had trailed down her cheek. “It meant a lot to hear from everyone.”

Sam smiled. “You’re welcome.”

“Okay,” she said gathering the sheets of paper together into a neat pile. “This has been nice, but I’ve got food that needs putting away and a kitchen that needs to be cleaned.”

“We’ll help you,” Josh volunteered as she got up holding the letters close to her chest like a special treasure.

“No, no. Like I said, you guys made dinner, so I’ll clean up.” 

She walked over to the small kitchen desk and opened the drawer that contained all their important papers and the documents Mike had given them. Carefully she laid the stack of papers inside and gently closed the drawer. 

“In fact,” she began walking through the kitchen to the fridge. “It’s a nice night. Why don’t you and Sam go outside and light up the fire pit?” She pulled two beers out of the fridge, popped the tops off and held them out to him. “You can consider it the closest thing you’ll be getting to a bachelor party.”

Josh took the beers from her. “You sure you don’t need any help?”

Donna leaned in close to whisper in his ear. “Josh, I appreciate the thought, but even if I am pregnant, I’m not an invalid. I think I can manage to clean up the kitchen by myself this time. You always help me clean up, so take this chance and go out and enjoy some time with Sam. I’ll come out when I’m finished in here.”

Josh could see she was booting him out and decided not to argue. He kissed her lightly. “Let me know if you need anything.”

She nodded and gave him a smile. “I will. Now go.”


	30. Chances

Chapter 30

Beers in hand, Sam and Josh stepped outside a little after 7:00. With it being early June, the sun was low in the sky but hadn’t quite set yet.

“It’s a lot cooler here than it was in Phoenix,” Sam commented. “It’s warm, but not too hot.”

“Yeah and even though we have air conditioning in the house, when the sun sets it actually gets nicer outside than it does in the house,” Josh said as he walked across the wide patio that extended out from the kitchen side of the house. 

A huge built-in barbeque dominated one side of the patio and in the center of the patio there was a large conversation area. Comfortable, pillow topped chaise lounge chairs of various sizes were arranged around what looked like a low round cement table that was currently shrouded in a black plastic cover.

“What is that?” Sam asked pointing at the table.

“It’s a fire pit,” Josh said pulling off the plastic cover to reveal a mosaic tile topped cement block table with a copper dome covering a depression in the middle. Josh picked up the cover to reveal the ceramic logs of the propane gas fed fire pit built into the center of the table.

“Nice,” Sam said.

“Yeah, Donna and I come out here every now and then in the evening,” he told Sam. “Have a seat while I turn this on.” 

Reaching under the table he turned the key that fed gas up into the burner under ceramic logs and then he pressed a small button next to the key that turned on the electric ignition and the fire in the pit sprang to life.

Josh settled himself into the chair next to Sam and took a long pull on his beer.

“Oh, I have sort of a favor to ask,” Josh began.

Sam looked a little surprised. “Um...sure, whatever you need.”

“Can I bunk with you tonight?”

Sam frowned. “Why? I mean shouldn’t you be...bunking with your wife-to-be?”

Josh felt sheepish and a little dumb when he replied. “Well, she asked me to sleep somewhere else tonight.”

A look of mild panic came over Sam’s face. “Is it because of me? Because I’m here or I upset her? Or because she’s worried I’m going to hear you two...bunking upstairs? I mean, cause I’ll wear ear plugs. I’ll sleep in the car. I don’t want to come between you. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Josh laughed. It felt really good to talk to Sam. “No, it’s nothing like that. She just had the idea that if we don’t sleep together tonight it will make tomorrow night that much more special. After some protesting on my part I agreed to it.” He sighed. “So I can bunk with you or I can sleep on the couch.” 

Sam was relieved. “Well, then of course you can stay with me tonight.”

“The problem is…” Josh took a drink of his beer. “I’m not sure I can hold out for a whole night. Sex with Donna has taken on certain addictive properties.”

Sam grinned slightly as he took a pull on his own beer. “You know Josh if you don’t want me thinking about you two having sex it might be better if you DON’T tell me about you two having sex. You know what I mean?”

“Right. Sorry.”

The two of them laughed for a moment and watched as the sun began to slip below the horizon. Josh smiled a little at the fact that he and Donna would be married by that time tomorrow.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to say at the ceremony tomorrow?” Josh asked him next.

“I’m still working out the kinks but I have an idea,” Sam told him. “What about you? Have you given any thoughts to your vows?”

“Yeah, I’ve thought about it, but I’m not going to write anything down, I’m just going to wing it when the time comes.” 

Sam looked skeptical. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean you haven’t exactly had the best luck with winging things. Need I remind you of the Secret Plan to fight inflation?”

“No, and thank you for bringing up my humiliation, but this is Donna, after all we’ve been through to get here, I think I can tell her how I feel without note cards.” He took a drink of his beer. “Although with Donna, using note cards might get me extra points.”

“Yeah, you got that right,” Sam snickered.

Just then, Josh heard the oddest thing. Music. He heard music softly playing. 

“Hey, I meant to ask...” Sam began.

“Wait...” Josh stopped him and held up his hand.

Sam frowned. “What?”

“Do you hear that?”

Sam was quiet and listened. “I think it’s ‘Natural Woman’ by Aretha Franklin.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” Josh murmured.

Turning around, Josh tried to figure out where the music was coming from. Seeing that one of the kitchen windows was open, he realized that’s where it was coming from. What was so amazing was that from the sound of it, it wasn’t some kind of TV program and he gathered that Donna was either listening to the radio or some kind of CD as she washed dishes and cleaned the kitchen.

Josh sat there in stunned, but happy silence.

Not understanding the big deal, Sam frowned. “Why? Is something wrong?” 

Smiling, Josh turned back to Sam. “Um...it’s...no, nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all.”

Sam’s curiosity was raised by then. “Okay, well now I have to know. What is it?”

Josh looked at him with a bit of a bemused smile on his face. “Donna’s had this thing,” he began quietly. “Ever since that night at the lake, she’s refused to listen to the radio or music, especially in the car and in the house. TV doesn’t seem to bother her, but in the past she’s had near panic attacks if I even try to suggest listening to the radio or turning on the stereo.”

Sam frowned. “Do you know why? Is her thing with music the same that yours was after Rosslyn?”

“No, no. It’s just that...” he worried about breaking some kind of confidence, but he honestly didn’t think Donna would mind. “...she doesn’t want music playing because she worries that she won’t hear someone if they’re trying to get the drop on us.” Josh set his empty beer on the edge of the table. 

“I sort of understand, but if she watches TV, that would still mask the sound of anyone coming,” Sam pointed out.

“I know, I know,” Josh replied. “But it’s her thing and I’ve respected that.” He smiled as he heard ‘Peaceful, Easy Feeling’ by the Eagles begin to play. “But hopefully the sign that she’s listening to music means she’s feeling more secure.”

Sam could see how pleased this made Josh, so he didn’t question it any further and instead went back his original question.

“Oh, so back to what I was saying...” he began. “How do you guys survive without the newspaper to read in the morning?” 

Josh leaned back in his chair. “During breakfast we usually have the TV on and watch or listen to CNN or MSNBC,” Josh explained. “For a newspaper, we use a dummy account and get the Washington Post online.” 

“Yeah, you know, I was kind of surprised that you get cable and high speed internet way out here,” Sam commented. 

“We’re in Arizona, Sam, not marooned on a desert island,” Josh said with grin. “We’ve got a satellite dish that gives us both cable and internet. In fact, I think we get more channels now than I did back in D.C.”

“Sorry,” Sam replied. “I’m a city boy, remember? Being out here like this is as close to camping or roughing it as I want to be.” 

“Yeah. I’m not big on the roughing it either,” Josh admitted.

Sam settled back in his chair and glanced around as the strains of ‘Brown Eyed Girl’ by Van Morrison began to play from the kitchen. 

“On the other hand, this house is really great. It looks like it came right out of the pages of Better Homes and Gangster Hideaways,” he teased. 

“Hey, it gets the job done,” Josh defended with a laugh. “It keeps the rain off our heads and it lets us keep a low profile.”

“And lets you do it in a slightly rural version of the lap of luxury,” Sam finished. “So how did you guys find a place like this anyway?”

“Donna found it,” Josh replied. “We were at the grocery store and she saw a rental ad for it on a message board.”

Sam smiled. “Leave it to Donna to save the day.”

Josh glanced back at the kitchen and saw Donna standing at the window doing the dishes. ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen was just starting. With a private smile, he turned back to Sam. “You have no idea.”

“Reminds me of the time she helped you and Toby find your way out of Indiana,” Sam chuckled.

“Hey,” Josh said in mock outrage. “I didn’t just follow meekly along. I did stuff to get us out of there too.” Sam gave him a skeptical look. “Okay, so it was a team effort,” he conceded.

Sam grinned and took the last drink of his beer. “Just keep telling yourself that Josh.”

By then, the sun had dropped completely below the horizon and the light began to quickly fade. 

Sam looked up at the darkening sky. “I can't believe how many stars we can see and it's not even completely dark yet," Sam commented.

"Oh, wait till it gets really dark, it looks amazing out here. There's no city lights to obscure them and with no moon tonight, soon it will look like there's more stars than sky. Living in D.C. you forget just how many there are. I wish I had my telescope out here, I'd really..."

A cacophony of noise exploded from the kitchen, making Josh and Sam both jump. First, the sound of glass breaking and then a thudding sort of crash that followed almost immediately after.

Then there was silence. Even the music Donna had been playing was gone and he no longer saw her standing at the kitchen sink.

"Donna?!" Josh called.

Hearing no response he jumped out of his chair and ran toward the house with Sam close on his heels. Piling in through the front door, Josh called out to her as they ran to the kitchen.

"Donna?!"

Considering he had images of Stone attacking her or her lying in a fetal position on the floor, Josh was marginally relieved to see her standing alone by one of the kitchen counters. But his relief was short lived as he saw that she wasn't so much standing by the counter as she was half bent over it. 

Facing the counter, her hands were braced against it and he now saw that she was breathing hard and fast.

Glass littered the floor around her bare feet and the small stereo that used to sit on the counter was sitting silent and on it's side on the floor next to her as if it had been knocked off the counter. She could easily cut her feet on the glass if she moved.

"Donna?" he said quietly. She still didn't respond to him and only continued to breathe hard and fast in what were almost gulping breaths. 

"Stay here," he told Sam softly.

Josh, who was wearing shoes that would protect him from the glass, slowly walked toward her. She didn't look like she had any obvious injuries.

"Donna?" he repeated. "Are you okay?"

He was a little surprised when he got a response from her this time as she violently shook her head, but still didn't speak.

Broken glass crunching under his feet, he continued moving toward her slowly. When he reached her side, he gently laid a hand on her shoulder and took it as a good sign that she didn't flinch away from him.

"What is it Donna? What's wrong? Did you hurt yourself?”

"Had to...make...it stop," she gasped out.

“What? Had to make what stop?”

“M…m...music,” she gasped.

He glanced down at the lifeless stereo. She must have knocked it off the counter. “Okay, well, the music is off now.”

“I…can’t…breathe.”

From his own experiences, not to mention some of Donna’s, he recognized a panic attack when he saw one. “It’s okay,” he tried to soothe her. “Try and slow down your breathing.”

”I...tried…I…can’t.”

Josh knew he wasn’t going to get her to calm down there in the kitchen. “All right, I’m going to pick you up so you don’t cut your feet on the glass.”

Donna only nodded mutely.

“Can you put your arms around my neck?” he asked.

“I’m...afraid...”

Josh frowned. “Why are you afraid?”

“If I...let go...of...the...counter...I’ll...pass out,” she wheezed.

Josh moved a little closer so he was pressed up against her side. “Listen to me,” he told her in a low, clear voice as he slipped his arm around her waist. “I’m right here, Donna. I’ve got you and you’re not going to pass out. Now lift one hand off the counter and put it around my neck.”

With visible effort, she released her death grip on the counter and put her right arm around his neck. Latching onto him, her left arm came off the counter next without Josh having to say anything and she was all but hugging him. 

“It’s okay,” he murmured softly.

Before she could move her feet and maybe cut herself, Josh bent slightly and scooped her up. Carrying her out of the kitchen and away from the glass, he stopped at the edge of the living room and stepped out of the loafers he was wearing so he didn’t continue to track bits of glass all over the hardwood floor. 

Sam took that as his cue and he headed out to the garage to get the broom and dust pan he’d seen hanging there. He figured he’d give them a few minutes alone and then clean up the broken glass.

Donna was trembling in Josh’s arms and still breathing in quick hard breaths as he carried her to the living room couch. He tried laying her down on it, but she wouldn’t let go of him so he sat down with her in his lap.

When her breathing didn’t seem to be slowing down, he gently pulled her arms from around his neck and held her hands in his. “Donna, I want you to cup your hands tight around your mouth and nose and try to relax and breath slower.”

In addition to the look of panic she’d had on her face since he’d come in, she now also looked a little confused, but she did as he’d instructed. As she tried breathing into her hands, he kept her body tucked close against his and murmured soothingly in her ear.

“It’s okay. You’re safe. Nothing’s going to hurt you. Just breathe. In and out.”

Slowly he felt her body begin to relax and the look of panic in her eyes began to fade. She took her hands down to say something, but he stopped her.

“No, just keep breathing into your hands for a minute or two more. We’ll talk in a minute.”

The two of them sat in silence for the next few minutes. Donna stared at him like his face was a lifeline and Josh skimmed his hands over hair, her back and her shoulders just to let her know he was right there. 

Dimly, Josh heard Sam cleaning the glass up in the kitchen, but kept himself focused on Donna. When the trembling in her body began to fade and her breathing became more deep and regular he smiled.

“Feel better?” he asked.

“Eye fuel bmush beeter,” she said nodding as she spoke into her still cupped hands.

“You’re going to have to try that again. I didn’t understand a word you said,” he told her with a widening smile. “I think you can take your hands down now.” 

She lowered them and let out a long sigh and spoke with exaggerated carefulness as if she was worried talking would bring back her shortness of breath. “I said…I feel much better.”

“Good,” he said tucking an errant piece of hair behind her ear. “I was hoping you would.”

“Where did you learn the breathing into your hands thing?” she asked.

“Stanley told me about it,” Josh answered. “It comes in handy when you don’t have a paper bag handy.”

She frowned. “A paper bag?”

“You were hyperventilating,” he explained. “By cupping your hands around your mouth and nose you were doing the same thing you would with a paper bag. You were breathing in more carbon dioxide and less oxygen so it calmed your breathing down.”

“Hyperventilating?” she said, burying her face against his shoulder. “Well, now I feel stupid.”

He stroked a hand over her hair. “Hey, no reason to feel stupid. Hyperventilating is a real response in the body. If you do it long enough or hard enough it can make you pass out.”

She lifted her head from his shoulder and dropped it back onto the arm of the couch. “I was having a panic attack, wasn’t I?”

“Yeah, that’d be my guess.”

“God, Josh, am I ever going to get over this? I’m so tired of not knowing what’s going to set me off next. Makes me feel like a freak or something.” 

“Actually I take it as a good sign.”

Frowning, she lifted her head to look at him. “What do you mean? How could me freaking out all the time be a good thing?”

“I once asked Stanley why it took so long, what, like 6 months, to develop my thing after Rosslyn...” he began. “I didn’t get why it didn’t happen right away.”

Curiosity made her frown ease. “And what did he say?” 

“He said that most of the time when you’re in a crisis you brain goes into lock down. Things get suppressed and your brain sticks to the things that will get you out of whatever traumatic situation you’re in or in my case, get your body healed.” He let out a breath. “It’s after you’re physically and emotionally stronger and more secure that things start to surface.”

She stared at him. “So you mean what’s going on with me is a good thing because it shows that I’m feeling stronger and more secure?”

“Yeah, I mean I’m no therapist, but that was kind of my thought,” he replied running a gentle finger down her cheek. “Just the fact that you turned on the radio all on your own is a huge step for you.”

Happy to hear his simple praise, she smiled. “I don’t know what made me turn the stereo on in the first place. I was cleaning and thought it would be nice and for the first time in a long time the idea of having music playing didn’t make me break out in a cold sweat.”

Josh nodded and ran his hand down her arm. “So what happened?”

“It was the Queen song.”

“Bohemian Rhapsody?” Josh supplied.

“Yes,” she said visibly swallowing as it came back. “There’s the line about how he killed a man and the one about putting the gun to his...” she shuddered and buried her face against his neck.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say more,” Josh said, stroking her hair. Ever since she’d pointed the gun at him that night, she’d been especially sensitive to anything having to do with guns. “I know the part you mean.”

When she raised her head, a tear ran down her cheek. “And then there was the part about life had just begun and throwing it all away...and then I thought about how I left that night and I could have thrown us away,” she said, her voice shaky with tears.

“Hey, hey,” he said pulling her against him in a tight hug. “You didn’t throw it all away, you were just scared.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Burying her face against his shoulder, she put her arms tightly around him. “How can you want to marry me?” she hiccupped.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Josh pulled back and captured her face in his hands so she had to look in his eyes. “I want you to stop talking like that right now. I want to marry you because I love you. Do you understand? For that reason and nothing else.” He stared at her. “You know that, right?” She nodded but didn’t say anything. “I need to hear you say it.”

“I do, Josh, I swear, I do know it,” she told him tearfully. Closing her eyes, she leaned her forehead against his and sighed. “I’m sorry, I just feel like I’m a mess right now.”

“You’re not a mess,” he said kissing her forehead. “You’re just having a hard time right now, but don’t forget you’re not alone anymore, okay? We’ll get through this together.” 

“Okay, I’ll remember,” she said with a sniff.

“Now, can you tell me how the glass and the radio got broken?” he asked gently.

“The glasses were an accident,” she said looking up at him. “There were two of them on the counter by the radio, I knocked them over when I was trying to turn off the radio and they fell on the floor. And the radio…” she paused. “To be honest, I’m not quite sure about the radio. I just...had to make the music stop. I think I tried turning it off but just ended up pitching it off the counter instead.”

Josh nodded. He was glad it wasn’t more serious. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry about the stereo,” she replied. “Do you think it’s permanently broken or can we fix it?”

Josh glanced back at Sam who had just come back in from throwing out the debris and putting away the broom and dustpan. “What do you think, Sam, can the stereo be salvaged?”

“Um…well, not so much,” he said as he stood at the edge of the kitchen. “I took it out in the garage to see if I could get it to work and it’s basically had it. I left it out on the work bench if you want to fiddle with it though.”

Josh turned back to her. “Don’t worry, if I can’t fix it, I’ll talk to Harry about getting a new one.”

Donna picked lightly at the edge of her t-shirt, then she looked up at Josh. “I’m sorry I ruined your bachelor party.”

“You didn’t. We’ll just call this intermission,” he told her with a grin. “But I know what would make our little party even better.”

“Oh? What?”

“Any good bachelor party needs pretty women.” He gave her a playful leer. ”Why don’t you come outside and help us with that?”

She smiled back at him. “You sure?”

“What do you think, Sam?”

“Well, I know ‘I’ always appreciate a pretty girl,” Sam said with a grin.

“Come on, it will be fun,” Josh coaxed.

She glanced at Sam just to make sure he didn’t seem uncomfortable and then back at Josh. “Okay.”

Josh grinned. “Good,” he said as he helped lift her off his lap and they walked to the kitchen.

“I’ll be out as soon as I clean up the broken glass,” she said.

“All taken care of,” Sam said pointing to the floor.

Josh clapped him on the back. “Sam, some day you’re going to make some lucky woman a good wife.

Sam opened his mouth to make a retort, but Donna stopped him. 

“Don’t listen to him, Sam,” she said giving him a peck on the cheek. “Thank you for cleaning up my mess.”

Sam grinned and resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at Josh.

“Hey! No kissing!” Josh insisted as he got two more beers and a ginger ale for Donna out of the fridge. “I’m the only guy you get to kiss from now on.”

“He’s so possessive,” she told Sam with a grin and a wink.

“Hey, if you were marrying me, I’d be possessive too,” he said with a smirk.

“SAM!” Josh screeched as he handed Sam another beer. “I keep telling you not to think of her that way.”

“Oh, calm down, Josh. I thought it was sweet,” Donna told him. “Oh, and that better be your last beer for the night.”

“But…I…” Josh sputtered.

“Two’s your limit,” she instructed as she walked toward the pantry. “I don’t want my groom hung over tomorrow.”

Josh closed his mouth and shared a grin with Sam. He liked the idea of being the groom. A lot. 

“’kay,” he said.

She emerged from the pantry carrying a bag of marshmallows and some long metal skewers. “I mean it, Josh. You…”

“I said okay,” he told her with a smirk.

“Oh…sorry,” she said. “I’m just not used to you not arguing with me.”

He kissed her lightly. “Well, I guess I’m full of surprises.”

She gave him a bemused little smile. “I think maybe you’ve had too many already.”

Josh just grinned and threw his arm around her shoulders. “Come on, let’s go outside and look at the stars.

**********

The three of them settled around the fire. Rather than sitting in his earlier chair, this time Josh sat with Donna on the end of a double wide chaise lounge that looked more like a slightly inclined bed than a lounge chair.

Donna roasted marshmallows and drank her ginger ale as the guys drank their beer and all three of them talked over old times. Sam also gave them the play by play on how great things in California were. He spoke so highly of it and of getting off the political D.C. merry-go-around that even Josh didn’t have the heart to try and talk him into coming back.

After Donna had her fill of marshmallows she laid back in the chaise and listened to the sounds of Josh and Sam talking. It was one of the most comforting and soothing sounds she thought she’d ever heard and very shortly, despite the long nap she’d had that afternoon, she drifted off to sleep.

“Looks like our female companionship is out for the count,” Sam commented.

Glancing back at her, Josh grinned and took a long drink of his beer. “Yeah, she seems to be tired a lot these days,” he said.

“Is she all right?” Sam asked, trying to gently fish around for the truth. “I mean she’s not sick or anything is she?”

Josh stared at him, an odd, almost caught-with-his-hand-in-the-cookie-jar expression crossing his face. “Oh, um...no she’s fine, it’s just...you know, all the stress of what’s been going on and trying to pull the wedding together.”

Sam looked at him over the rim of his beer bottle. It was obvious that his ‘fishing’ wasn’t going to get him anywhere, so he decided to take the bull by the horns. 

“Josh, I wouldn’t normally ask this, but...”

“What?” he asked with a frown.

Sam lowered his voice slightly. “Is it possible that Donna’s pregnant?”

He frowned. “Why do you say that?”

“Josh...come on, I’m a pretty observant guy. Her getting tired? Her suddenly not drinking any beer?” Sam pointed out. “Plus, I was outside in the hall this morning when she was sick. I overheard what you two said.”

Part of Josh wanted to be mad at Sam for listening to his earlier conversation with Donna, but he really couldn’t work up to it. He glanced back at the still sleeping Donna. He debated for a moment what he should tell Sam. Would Donna be angry if he told him the truth? He really didn’t think so. In fact, he thought it might reassure her that he wasn’t afraid to tell people they were going to have a baby. 

It also occurred to him that if she was pregnant, it wouldn’t be something he’d probably be able to tell Mike over one of their cell phone calls in case someone was listening. Telling Sam might be his...their...only option.

Josh let out a breath. “Yeah, we’re pretty sure she is. We haven’t taken the test yet or anything. We were planning to do it in a couple of days.” He looked a little sheepish. “I guess we’re not going to win any safe sex prizes. The first few times we were together, were a little bit...frantic and we didn’t have any kind of protection to use.”

To his surprise, Sam chuckled. “After 7 years I’m not surprised.”

Josh felt himself chuckling too. “Yeah, I see your point.”

Sobering, Sam took a drink of his beer. “So how do you feel about it? Feel about her being pregnant, I mean?”

“You know if you would have asked me about being a father six months ago, not only would I have said it was impossible, I’m pretty sure the idea would have completely freaked me out. Then there’s the fact that now it might not be the best timing with us being in the middle of this mess but...”

“But?”

“But...now...and with Donna...” he paused and gave a little smile. “I’m actually really excited about it.”

“That’s great,” Sam smiled back and nodded approvingly. He raised his beer bottle in a salute. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Josh tapped his bottle to Sam’s and they both took a drink. “I’m not sure what kind of a father I’m going to be though.”

“Hey, you’re excited about being a father, that’s half the battle,” Sam said. “I bet you’ll be better than you think.”

“You really think so?” Josh asked hopefully.

“Absolutely,” he said taking a swig from his beer. “So...how does Donna feel about being pregnant?”

“Well, she’s going through a lot right now so I think it’s been a little overwhelming for her. I think she’s also secretly a little worried I’m going to wake up one day and freak out about it, but we’ve talked a little about it and she’s excited about it too.”

Sam nodded. “I’m happy for you guys then.”

“Oh, but I want to be clear on the fact that I’m not marrying her because she might be...you know,” he told Sam. “I asked her before we suspected she might be pregnant.”

“Well, that never crossed my mind, but it’s good to know,” Sam replied. “I’m guessing you want me to keep this news to myself.”

Josh fiddled with the label on his beer. “Actually, I’m hoping that you’ll talk to Mike for me about it.”

“What do you mean?”

Josh sighed a little. “Well, if she is really pregnant, Mike and I are going to have to work something out.”

“I don’t follow.”

“If we’re going to be out here for at least another 6 months, she’s going to need prenatal care. Either Mike’s going to have to send us a shit load of money to pay for it, or he’s going to have to work out some kind of medical insurance for her so she can see a doctor.”

“Oh, I hadn’t even thought about that.”

“Not to mention the outside chance we could be out here longer than 6 months and she might actually have to deliver while we’re here,” Josh continued. “Without insurance I don’t even want to think about how expensive that would be.”

Just then, Josh sensed Donna move beside him and she murmured his name. His head snapped around to look at her. Still asleep, she’d begun to move restlessly and began to call his name more insistently.

As Sam watched, Josh slid farther back on the chaise so he was laying next to her. He whispered something in her ear and brushed his fingers over her cheek. Donna immediately settled and her body went quiet and limp. Silently, Josh slid an arm around her and pulled her close to him. Even in her sleep, Donna snuggled into his side. He pressed his lips to her temple for a few moments, then he turned his head to look at Sam.

“She still has a lot of nightmares,” he tried to explain to Sam.

“Well, if anyone is entitled, it’s her,” Sam replied. “And, you know, you two don’t have to keep explaining yourselves to me.”

“Thanks, Sam,” Josh said with a self-deprecating smile. “It’s just that we’re not used to having anyone else around. It’s been just the two of us for over a month and it’s a little strange to have anyone around who knows us...knows us from D.C. anyway. We’ve always talked and acted in our own sort of code and it’s even more prominent now. I guess we want people to understand.”

Sam looked at him...at them...for a long moment. “Josh, anyone that knows you both and everything you’ve been through...well, believe me, they understand.”

**********

It was late and Sam and Josh had turned in about a half hour earlier. Now they were lying on the sleeper sofa in the den and they were doing more talking than sleeping. Oddly enough, it felt a little like being at summer camp.

Donna had woken up not long after her bout with the nightmares outside and had gone up to bed a couple of hours ago. Josh had tried to talk her into letting him stay upstairs with her in case she had more nightmares, but she insisted she would be fine and that they would stick with their original plan.

Of course, Josh had been a bit disappointed by this turn of events, but he respected her feelings on the matter so he hadn’t argued. Consequently, he and Sam had stayed outside talking long into the night.

“Okay, you lied about this bed. It is NOT comfortable,” Josh complained as he flopped onto his back.

“It definitely isn’t with you tossing like a salad,” Sam groused as he punched his pillow. “It was fine when it was just me. You can still go out and sleep on the couch you know.”

Josh realized he was being a pain and sighed. “I’m sorry, Sam. I just miss her.” 

Not to mention he was a little worried she was going to have one of her bad nightmares without him there.

Sam let out his own sigh. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry I snapped.”

“It’s okay. I really do appreciate you letting me stay here,” Josh said. “The living room couch really isn’t all that comfortable.”

Sam smirked in the dark. “Have a lot of experience already with sleeping on the couch, do you?”

Before Josh could answer there was a knock at the door.

“Josh?” Donna said just loud enough to be heard.

Instantly alert, Josh sat up in bed. “Donna? What’s wrong?”

“Can I come in?” she asked.

“Sure. Come on.”

She opened the door and stood silhouetted in the light from the living room for a moment. “Hi,” she said. “Did I wake you guys?”

“No.” Josh frowned. Her voice didn’t sound distressed or upset. 

Trying to keep his focus in case something was wrong, it was still hard for him not to notice that she was wearing her robe. Something, he’d discovered, she generally only did after a shower or when she first got out of bed.

And in 98% of both cases, she wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” she said calmly. “But I do need a favor from Sam.”

Now Sam sat up. “Me?” he asked in surprise.

“Him?” Josh echoed, frowning harder.

“Yes,” she answered them. “Sam, I need to talk to Josh about something. I know it’s a big imposition, but could you give us some time alone?”

“Oh, sure, of course, no problem,” Sam said in relief pulling back the sheet to get out of bed. He wasn’t exactly sure WHY he was relieved, but he was nonetheless.

“Thanks, Sam, I really appreciate it,” she told him as Sam got out of bed and walked over to her. “In fact, we might be talking for a while so I was thinking that it might be for the best if you just went upstairs and slept in our bed. I wouldn’t want you to fall asleep on the couch.”

“O...oh...okay,” Sam stammered a little as he stopped beside her. 

She was all but blocking the door, almost like she was trying to hold some dominant position over the room and he couldn’t leave the room without her moving out of the way. Beyond that she didn’t seem to have much interest in him. She was too busy watching Josh.

No...watching was the wrong word. 

Devouring might be better. Now that he was standing so close to her, Sam could see she was devouring Josh with her eyes. Her eyes almost glittered with hunger and instinctively, Sam felt his own body harden slightly at the look she directed at Josh. 

No woman had ever looked at him like that and Sam made a sudden wish that sometime before he died he’d find someone who would look at him just like Donna was looking at Josh right now.

The funny thing was, Sam wondered if Josh could see it. With the light at Donna’s back and Josh all the way across the room, it might be hard for him to notice.

Sam suddenly realized that Donna had a lot more on her mind than talking and Josh probably had no idea.

Lucky bastard.

Sam’s body hardened even more and he knew he had to leave quickly before anyone noticed that despite the partial camouflage of the boxers and baggy t-shirt he was wearing that he was well on his way to a raging hard-on of his own. They had a shower upstairs and he was in desperate need of floods of cold water.

“Excuse me,” he said to Donna. He took it as a personal victory that his voice didn’t crack.

Not moving, Donna flicked a glance at Sam’s face and he was glad his back was to Josh, because being hit with Donna’s full gaze right then did nothing to ease his body’s current state. And when her eyes glanced down to points south, his partial hard-on went into overdrive.

Casually and with the tiniest of smirks, she stepped aside. “Sweet dreams, Sam.”

That sent Sam all but scurrying out of the room and she closed the door behind him.

Josh still sat there in bed and was continuing to frown. He sensed something was going on, but he didn’t know what. And with the door closed the room had been plunged back into almost pitch darkness. Upstairs he was used to sleeping with the TV or a low light on, but Sam had preferred it dark.

Because she didn’t say anything for a long moment and he didn’t hear her moving, he wondered if Donna had left when she closed the door. “Donna?” he said aloud.

“Yes, Josh?” she replied, her voice lower now.

“Is everything okay?”

He could now hear the subtle rustle of her robe as she moved across the room. “Everything’s just fine, Josh.”

Her voice was almost...seductive now. Like a phantom in the dark. Could he be reading her wrong? It was a little like coming into the middle of a play, having never seen a script.

“What did you want to, um, talk to me about?”

“Not a thing, Josh. I just said that so Sam would leave,” she replied.

“You didn’t have a nightmare?”

“No, Josh.”

“Then, ah, why...why are you here?” he said oddly nervous all of a sudden.

There was a slight flurry of rustling fabric and then the sound of something dropping lightly to the floor.

“Isn’t it obvious why?” she said into the dark. 

“Donna...um, did you just take your robe off?”

“Yes, I did, Josh.”

“And were you wearing anything under your robe?” he asked as he sensed her moving closer. It was a little like being stalked. Hmmm, stalked by Donna, now there was an image. 

“No, I wasn’t,” she answered softly as he felt her presence standing next to the bed.

“So that would mean...

“I’m not wearing anything now,” she finished for him.

“Oh...then you came down here for...”

“The sex, Josh,” she answered huskily. “You don’t have a problem with that, right?”

His body hardened at her confirmation of what he’d been thinking. “No, of course not...wait,” he said stopping himself. “What about the not sleeping together tonight?”

“I changed my mind,” she said in his ear. “I’m a woman, Josh. I’m allowed to do that.”

“Uh...right, I’ve heard that,” he managed.

Her lips seemed to appear softly out of nowhere and she kissed his mouth. Her tongue coaxed his mouth open and as their mouths and tongues fused, he thought she tasted like smoky marshmallow. Then her mouth was gone and she spoke, her voice low and sexy as hell.

“And just so you know, Josh...now that we’re together and we’re getting married, you should just get used to being my own, personal, on demand sex toy.”

Any remaining blood flow, ceased going to Josh’s brain and headed south where the action was.

“Can you handle that, Josh?”

“Ya...ya...yeah,” he stammered. “Although I...I’m still not sure I’m not having the mother of all incredible pre-wedding, post-alcohol wet dreams.” 

He heard her chuckle in the dark. “I sure hope you’re not because that would mean I was upstairs and not down here where I can touch you.” He felt her lips brush his ear. “And I really, really want to touch you, Josh.”

Her fingers trailed across his neck and down his arm, to gently burrow under the sheet still covering him to the waist. Her hand gently teased him through his boxers, just like the breath from her voice teased his ear and her words teased his brain.

“I want to touch you...and smell you,” she said. “I want to taste you and suck on you and make you feel sooooo good,” she cooed as she planted slow kisses along his neck and her hand continued its ministrations on his already hard cock. “And when you come...EACH time you come...and I promise there will be many, Joshua, I want to hear you shout my name.”

Part of him wanted to grin. Donna was horny as hell and he wouldn’t be surprised if she just threw him down and took what she wanted from him. But for the most part he was just too aroused to think of anything but sinking into the warmth of her body. 

“Okay...but...” he said trying to get some blood flowing to his brain again. “And I can’t believe...I’m asking this...but...you’re sure you’re awake, right? You’re not sleep walking or anything? You’re not going to yell at me in the morning because I somehow took advantage of you tonight, right?

“There will be no yelling in the morning,” she promised. “And actually I thought I’d be the one taking advantage of you.”

“Be gentle,” he only half teased pulling the sheet up just a bit higher. Not that it made any difference, of course, since her hand was already well ensconced where it was.

“No promises,” she said, removing her hand from his groin and pulling the sheet out of his grasp, to pool it down by his feet.


	31. Chances

Chapter 31

This new side of Donna was very interesting to Josh. It wasn’t that she’d ever been passive in bed or anything, but this aggressive side of her was a whole new thing. He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t kind of...hot. 

Josh felt the bed dip slightly as she climbed onto it, and he felt her body slide in behind him. Her legs went around his hips so she was wrapped around him from behind and they were both sitting up in bed. Even through his t-shirt and boxers he could tell she was indeed naked.

“You see, Josh,” she whispered as her hands slid under his t-shirt and over his torso while her mouth teased and tasted his neck. “I was upstairs...trying to be good, but all I could think about was being bad.” She bit down lightly on his neck making him inhale in surprise. It hadn’t hurt, he just hadn’t been expecting it...or the jolt it had sent through him. 

“Bad...how?” he heard himself ask a little shakily.

“I was lying in that big bed and thinking about how much I like it when you touch me and since you weren’t there, I was touching myself...” She tugged gently on his ear lobe with her teeth and then released it. “...and imagining it was you. I came so hard, Josh.” 

The image of her doing what she described, made him groan and sent a shiver through him. Next he felt her take his hand in hers and draw it back behind him where she was pressed against him. 

“See how hot it got me, Josh?” 

He felt her guide his hand between them and down past her curls. Her center was soft and hot and dripping with her arousal. He groaned again and automatically began to stroke her.

“Oh, yes, Josh. That’s exactly how I imagined you touching me,” she said with a sigh. “You like touching me like that, don’t you?”

“God, yes,” he answered.

“The more I touched myself, the more I realized being bad by myself was no fun. I wanted to be bad with you,” she said simply as her fingers brushed over his nipples, then lightly pinched them.

“I like that idea,” he said, stroking her harder.

Suddenly, almost like she was surprised, he heard her utter an ‘oh’ and her breath caught. He felt her body clench around his fingers and she whimpered with the orgasm that flowed over her.

“That was very good, Joshua,” she purred a little dreamily as she pulled his hand away from her body and lifted to her mouth where she licked his hand clean. “Very good indeed.”

“What else can I do to make you feel good?” he asked her. 

“Oh, no, I came down here to make YOU feel good,” she told him as her hands went back to teasing his nipples. “Do you trust me, Josh?

“Of course, I do.”

She chuckled throatily. “Good, because I have lots and lots of things I want to do to you.”

He was thrilled, intrigued and a tiny bit scared all at the same time. “Okay...I’m yours, do whatever you want with me.”

“First, we need to get you out of all these clothes,” she began as she pulled his shirt off and tossed it aside. “Much better,” she said running her nose across his back and shoulders. “I love the way you smell,” she told him. Her tongue followed the same path. “Not to mention the way you taste.” 

Her hands moved to his shoulders and began to gently massage them. Even though he was already pretty relaxed, her deft fingers found little spots of tension and kneaded them out, making him groan.

“You have magic fingers, Donnatella. That feels amazing,” he murmured as she alternated between the thorough massage and her lips, tongue and nose caressing his skin. 

“You feelin’ relaxed there, Joshua?” she asked.

“Oh, yeah.”

“Good, but don’t fall asleep. If you fall asleep I’ll have to punish you.”

Although Josh was relaxed, he honestly didn’t think he could have gone to sleep right then if he’d been pumped full of sleeping pills. 

“Okay, I promise.” 

He felt her slide out from behind him and he instantly missed the contact. “Where are you going? I said I promise not to fall asleep,” he whined.

He heard her chuckle again. “Don’t worry, I’m right here, I’m just moving out of the way because I want you to lie back.”

“Oh...but I kind of liked what we were doing...” he tried.

“Lie back,” she repeated in a commanding tone. This time he did as she asked without argument. There was something very appealing about letting Donna take charge of things.

“Comfy?” she asked.

At first he nodded, but seeing as how they were in the dark he realized she wouldn’t be able to see it. “Yes,” he told her.

Without another word, he felt her hands on him. Starting at the top of his head, she trailed them down over him, almost like she was trying to learn by touch what he looked like even in the dark. Adding her mouth to her hands’ exploration, she paid special attention to his nipples and to his scars, causing him to make a low sound...almost a low growl as the sensation went through him.

When her hands stopped at the waistband of his boxers but didn’t go any farther, he was disappointed. His rock hard cock was screaming for attention.

“Lift your hips, Josh,” she said giving the boxers a little tug.

Obediently, he did so and she tugged them down and although he couldn’t see it, tossed them away.

Laying there, exposed, naked, and terribly aroused, Josh felt a tiny bit self conscious. Especially when he was pretty sure he could feel Donna watching him...at least as much as she could in the dark. Her gaze was an almost physical sensation.

“Donna?” 

“I’m right here, Josh,” she said from the area at the foot of the bed.

“Why are you all way down there?” he asked. He felt the bed by his feet take a dip.

“You ask too many questions,” she said simply as he felt her move up the bed between his legs.

He frowned a little in confusion as he felt her sit down between his legs and she maneuvered his legs up and over her hips. It left them sitting in a slightly modified, reversed missionary position, except that she wasn’t leaning over him. It tipped his hips up a little more than he was used to, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Again with the questions,” she said. He felt her hands move to his stomach and stroke down to his hips. “Why don’t you just relax and see what happens?” she suggested.

Then her hands moved to slide under him, cupping and kneading his ass. Before he’d been with Donna, he’d never realized his butt was such an erogenous zone for him. But after the attention she often showed it, he’d learned quickly enough.

As one of her hands stayed under him, the other slid up between his legs to cup his balls. Her fingers tugged gently but firmly on them, stretching them slightly and sending his body into overdrive.

“God, Donna,” he ground out.

“Do you like that, Josh?” she said softly. “You like it when I touch you there?”

“Yes,” he groaned. “More...don’t stop.”

She was apparently flexible enough and the right distance away that she could bend forward to touch her mouth to his aching cock, because the next thing he knew her mouth was pressing an open mouth kiss to the tip of it.

Closing his eyes, he gasped and his hips jerked. “Oh, God.”

As her one hand continued their attention to his balls, her other hand stroked his swollen shaft with a firm, steady motion, stopping every few strokes to rub her thumb along the sensitive underside of the head of his penis.

“Donna...” he choked out. “You...have to...stop or...or I’m going to...”

“I want you to come, Josh,” she said, her breath sliding over his engorged cock. “Come right now.”

With that, she clamped her mouth around him, and pressed her lips together with just enough force to slam him over the edge. He hips jerked up, pressing him deeper into her mouth and he saw the darkness behind his closed eye lids explode with color as he came.

“DONNA!” he shouted as he unloaded into her willing and eager mouth.

Holding him still in her mouth as he came, Donna caressed his hip as he came down. When she knew he was done, she slowly licked him clean.

“God, Donna...that was amazing...YOU’RE amazing,” he breathed.

“Thank you, Josh,” she said with a smirk in her voice.

“I think it might be time for a little reciprocal treatment on my part,” he said trying to sit up. Her hand pressed against his chest stopped him.

“Ah, ah, ah,” she chided. “I’m not done with you yet,” she said pushing him back against the bed. “Not even close. I’m just getting started.”

“But it might be a while before I’m ready again,” he pointed out.

“Well, maybe we can do...some other things...first.”

Josh frowned in the dark. “Like what?”

Her hand reached up and tweaked his nipple as a little punishment. “Again, too many questions.”

“Right, just enjoy it,” he repeated her earlier words. “Okay, do your worst,” he said giving himself over to her care.

“Actually...I was hoping to do my best,” she said smugly.

“Pretty sure of yourself aren’t you there, Donnatella?”

“Why yes, yes I am,” she chuckled.

Shifting, she moved forward while managing to keep his legs up over hers. The resulting position Josh found himself in, with his knees drawn up almost to his chest, felt a little awkward to him, but was not unpleasant. He had to relax a bit more and let Donna control their balance and position. If he’d tried to take the lead, they would have just ended up in an uncomfortable tangle. 

Although he would never admit it for fear of getting slapped, the position was what he thought of as a more ‘female’ position. It did however, also give him a greater appreciation for what it was like to be in what was certainly a more vulnerable position. Even under normal circumstances, when Donna was on top, he didn’t feel this vulnerable being on the bottom. With anyone but her he would have been squirming to get out of it. As it was he was actually enjoying it as part of the odd role reversal Donna had pulled on him tonight.

It was also very much worth it when he realized she did it so she could move close enough to kiss him.

Her mouth captured his as her hair brushed down over his cheek. She must have taken a shower and washed her hair after she’d gone up to bed because she smelled like the lavender soap and shampoo she favored and he lovingly associated with her. When you threw in the slight hint of sex that clung to both of them and the lingering taste of his own cum on her tongue, the experience of kissing her was especially arousing. To his immense surprise, his penis trapped between their bodies like it was, began to show signs of life again.

Donna broke away from the kiss and chuckled a bit breathlessly. “Maybe not so long before you’re ready after all.”

“Well, what can I say,” Josh said smirking into the darkness. “You bring it up...I mean, out in me,” he teased. 

Her hand slid between them and caressed him. “Good to know.”

Josh felt Donna settle back into place sitting between his legs and he wished for the 14th time that a light was on so he could see her. On one level it was erotic being seduced in the dark, but he really did like to watch her. He considered asking her to turn a light on, but he sensed the darkness made her a little more bold, so he remained quiet.

“So what are you going to...” Realizing he was about to ask another question, he stopped. “Never mind, I’ll just relax and enjoy it.”

“Good boy, Josh,” she said in a pleased voice. “Just for that you get a little treat.”

Donna’s hands slid over his torso and teased his nipples. Carefully she dragged the tips of her fingernails over them, making him hiss in pleasure. His nipples were always more sensitive right after he’d come. She continued doing that until he started to squirm a bit then she slid her hands back down his hips to points south.

As before, Donna slid her hands underneath, setting his hips at an especially high angle and massaging his ass cheeks. Her hand also slid up to cup him again. But that’s where things went in a slightly new direction.

It started when her fingers began to roll his balls alternately between them in a rocking motion. It wasn’t quite as intense as when she’d pulled and stretched them, but oddly enough he almost liked it more. It was a little hard to put into words, but basically it was more pleasurable and less intense. It was more...intimate somehow.

He’d been so busy concentrating on that, he’d almost missed what her other hand, the one still teasing his right ass cheek, had started doing. It moved up under him to the base of his spine, then she drew it slowly down, down, down, until she was trailing her fingers through his ass crack. No one had ever done that to him and while he found it a surprisingly pleasurable feeling, he wondered where she was going.

“Donna? What...?”

She must have heard the tiny note of confusion and distress in his voice because she didn’t say anything about him asking questions and her one hand stopped. The other one kept playing with his testicles almost soothingly.

“Just relax, Josh,” she soothed. “I swear, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do.”

“Umm...” he said, at a loss for words.

“Josh, did you know...” she began as her fingers in his ass crack moved higher again until they were once again at the base of his spine. “...that I’ve read the prostate is very sensitive in some men? So much so they can have an orgasm by someone stimulating it?” Her fingers came down again but didn’t go any farther down than the first time before they started back up again. The rhythmic motion of it made him start to relax again as she continued. “In fact, many people equate it to the g-spot in women.”

Josh suddenly found himself a little nervous. “S...s...sure I knew....that. I read t...too,” he stammered.

“Good, then you also know that to stimulate the prostate you need to do it from inside.”

“Yes...of...of course,” he said trying to sound casual about it and failing miserably.

“The anus has lots of nerve endings, Josh...including those that feel pleasure.”

“R...right.”

For a long moment she didn’t say anything, opting instead letting the rhythm of her fingers, which had started to come lower now with each pass, speak for her. 

“Has anyone else touched you here, Josh?” she said stroking over and around his tight hole with feather light touches.

Her fingers caressing him there felt...really good. Josh felt a buzz of anticipation go through him and he fought it a little. But when he felt his cock harden at the thought of what she might be planning, he realized it was probably a losing battle.

“No...” he said a little shakily.

“Is it all right that I’m touching you there?” she asked quietly.

“Sure...fine.”

She was quiet for a moment as she continued to touch him. “Are you curious to see how sensitive your prostate is Josh?”

“I’m not gay,” he blurted suddenly. 

Donna’s hands stilled and he instantly wanted to rip his tongue out. What had possessed him to say such a stupid thing? Was it some kind of suppressed homophobia on his part? 

He didn’t know if he should be relieved or mortified when he heard her chuckle softly.

“Josh, Josh, Joshua, Josh...Is that what you think? That if you said yes, I would think you had homosexual tendencies?” she said without accusation as her hands began to move slowly against him again. “You couldn’t be more wrong. The thought never entered my mind. Women like it too, Josh. Did you know that? We don’t have prostates but we have nerve endings too and like to feel new sources of pleasure just as much as men.”

She slid her hand away from his butt and moved to caress his inner thigh gently. “If you’d said yes I just would have thought you were comfortable with your sexuality and willing to try new things. But I know it takes a lot to let someone touch you so...intimately. So if you don’t want to, I won’t think less of you.” He felt her press a gentle kiss to the inside of his knee. “There are still plenty of things I’ve been wanting to do to you.”

Josh stared into the darkness. Once again he was struck by the reversal of their roles. He was laying there, exposed, debating whether he wanted to let his sexual partner...penetrate him. Is this how women felt the first time? It took a level of trust he hadn’t realized.

And yet he did trust her. With everything he was. Why was this any different?

“Has anyone ever touched you...there?” he asked her.

“No, Josh, no one. I’ve read up on it a bit, but no...never.”

He swallowed. “Would you...let me...sometime?”

“Of course, Josh,” she replied without hesitation. “Just not tonight. I want tonight to be about you. Consider it the second...private part of your bachelor party.”

He laid there for a moment as she quietly continued to caress his legs, his stomach, and his groin while she waited for him to say something.

“Okay,” he said quietly. 

“Josh you don’t have to do this to impress me or just because I want to try it. If you don’t want to, it’s absolutely fine. I’m not putting any pressure on you.”

“No, really,” he said trying to sound more confident. “You’ve peaked my...curiosity.”

“You’re sure? Really sure?” 

“Yes. What do I need to do?” he asked.

“Just lie there and relax,” she told him. “Anytime you want me to stop just say so.”

“All right,” he said feeling his nervousness return now that she was actually ready to do something. 

Feeling around on the bed, Donna found the small tube of KY-Jelly she’d pulled from her robe pocket and dropped there earlier.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Just a little lubricant, Josh,” said calmly. “That area doesn’t have its own lubrication, without it, this might hurt. I don’t want to hurt you, I want to make you feel good. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” he answered a bit breathless with anticipation.

“Good.” 

He felt her now slick and slightly cool fingers slide over and around his tight hole again. It felt even better now that she could move more easily over his sensitive skin.

“Relax,” she reminded in a whisper.

Josh focused on doing just that and he felt just the tip of her index finger enter him fractionally then withdraw. She continued the motion slowly until Josh got used to the feeling and he relaxed even more. With his hips tipped like they were, the angle was perfect.

“Breathe, Josh, just breathe,” she murmured.

Progressing with gentle consistency, she moved slowly until first she was able to put her finger up to the first knuckle and then the middle knuckle and then all the way inside him. At which point, he groaned. The feeling a part of her inside him was almost overwhelming in its intimacy.

“You okay, Josh?” she asked softly holding her finger still.

“Yeah...” he ground out. “Feels...a little...weird...but good.”

Taking that as encouragement, she began to slowly move her finger until she found the sensitive nub she was looking for. She knew she’d found it, not only by feeling it, but from the fact that Josh gasped and moaned in a low keening tone. With a gentle rhythm, she curved her finger up slightly and began to stroke him. 

Tension and pleasure tangled together inside him until he couldn’t think...couldn’t speak in anything but guttural sounds. Even breathing seemed secondary to the feeling Donna was flooding through his system.

It was one of the oddest and most powerful feelings he’d ever had. Although his cock was rock hard, what he was feeling wasn’t centered there. His erection was a side benefit.

Of course, that went out the window when, just as he didn’t think he could take any more stimulation, he felt her free hand grasp him and slowly start to pump in time with her finger.

“Holy...mother of God...Donna,” he choked.

“Don’t fight it, Josh. Let yourself go,” she whispered like a siren’s song. “Let it all go and come for me.”

“Just...a little...faster,” he ground out.

Doing just as he asked, she sped up the tempo slightly and then, like hitting a brick wall at eighty miles an hour, he was coming and it was nothing like he’d ever felt before. He was able to draw just enough breath to do one thing.

“DONNA!!!” he shouted for the second time that night.

The feeling that slammed through him was indescribable. From an almost disembodied point of view, he felt himself close down around her finger and felt the hot rush of his cum as he came in her fist.

For a long moment, he laid there feeling unable to move so much as finger. He took it as a personal victory that he could even find the strength to open his eyes. He stared up at the dark ceiling with what he was sure must have been the goofiest smile on his face, but he didn’t care one bit. As his body began to relax, he felt Donna carefully pull out of him. He couldn’t even manage to form words when she shifted out from under his legs and climbed off the bed.

All he could hear was her footsteps moving across the room to the adjoining bathroom where he heard her running some water and presumably washing her hands. The he heard her footsteps move back across the floor and felt the bed dip as she sat down next to him on the edge of the bed.

Gently, he felt a wash cloth soaked in warm water wash the lower half of his torso and then a dry, soft towel dried him off. He heard her drop them on the floor and felt her fingers ran lovingly through his hair.

“How you doin’ Josh?” she said silkily.

Josh remembered to take a breath and he grinned again. “I’m good. I’m very, very good.”

She leaned forward and captured his mouth in a gentle kiss. “Then I’m very, very glad.”

Once again, he marveled at the fact that this amazing, incredible woman was going to marry him. When she pulled back, he managed to keep his hand pressed on her cheek. 

“Let me make love to you...” he said softly. “We can do it anyway you want as long as I can be inside you. Please...”

He felt her smile against his hand then she turned her face and kissed his palm. “Okay, you twisted my arm,” she said with a soft laugh.

And just like that, things between them shifted and Donna relinquished her pursuit of being the one in charge. 

She leaned down again and kissed him. This time he put his arms around her and pulled her weight down on top of him. She melted into him immediately and he savored the feeling of her weight pressing him into the mattress. Reaching up, he pressed a hand to her cheek and then slid it up into her hair.

“I love you, Donnatella Moss,” he whispered.

He could feel her breath on his lips and knew her mouth was hovering above his when she spoke. “I love you too, Joshua Lyman.”

Sliding her knees down on each side of his hips so she was straddling him while still laying on top, Donna began to slowly move up and back. It was like she was fucking him without him actually being inside her. The motion created a delicious friction between their bodies, not to mention their positions put Josh’s still semi-soft cock right up against her core.

Both of them found it a…re-energizing experience.

When she felt him start to harden again, she rolled them over so she was beneath him. They spent the next few minutes doing nothing more than some serious necking and fondling.

“Have I mentioned what a good kisser you are?” she said on a sigh as he kissed and nibbled at a particularly sensitive spot on her collar bone.

“Hmmm….thanks,” he hummed against her skin making her squirm and laugh. 

“That tickles!” she exclaimed.

“Good…that’s what…I was…hoping for…” he said as he continued to lavishing attention on her neck and shoulders.

“I…God, Josh, I can’t think when you do that,” she said as he hit a spot behind her ear that made her toes automatically curl.

“Then don’t think,” he whispered as he moved over to the pulse point at her throat and ran his tongue over it. “Thinking isn’t required at the moment.”

Donna was largely speechless as he continued to assault that spot. She’d come down to the den that night to seduce him, to show him things about herself that she’d never shown anyone and yet this is what she loved the most. The feeling of him loving her.

The touch of his skin on hers. The sound of his breath mingling with hers. The heat of his body as the full length of it pressed against hers. It all merged to remind her of one of the many reasons she loved him and why being with him thrilled her so. 

As if reading her thoughts, Josh pulled back and framed her face in his hands. After their earlier activities he had a new awareness and appreciation of Donna’s position under him. Oddly, he found himself wanting to ask her permission, just as she’d asked for his earlier.

“You are so precious to me,” he whispered. “Let me show you how much.”

She felt tears well in her eyes and she laid her hands on his wrists. “You already show me everyday.” 

His mouth descended softly to hers and they simply kissed for a long moment. A kiss that was more loving than passionate. More sweet than hot.

“Make love to me, Josh,” she whispered sliding her legs apart and opening herself for him. “I need to feel you inside me.”

“There’s nothing I want more.” His thumbs stroked over her cheeks. “Do you want to be on top?” he asked softly. 

Donna’s legs slid high up around his waist. “No, I’m right where I want to be.”

Heat ran through Josh’s body as he settled between her legs and felt her warm, damp center cradle him intimately. Without entering her, he slowly began to move so that the tip of his burgeoning erection was rubbing against her clit and giving them both the stimulation they craved.

“That feels so good, Josh,” she whispered in a soft sigh.

He smiled as he kept moving at a slow, steady pace. “I want to make you feel as good as you’ve made me feel tonight.”

“There’s only one thing that would make me feel better than I do right now,” she said pulling her legs a little higher around his waist.

Taking her words and her actions as a silent invitation, Josh pulled back and shifted slightly. Levering himself over her, he slid into her with deliberate slowness.

“Yes,” she whispered with almost a purr when he was buried to the hilt inside her.

As it always did, that first moment of feeling him fully inside her made her heart trip and her breath catch. She loved the sense of connection and completion it always brought her.

He loved her slowly...gently, remembering each sigh, every whimper and moan she made, each brush of her breasts against his chest, the smell of her body and the smell of sex pervading the room. He wanted to remember them all and he wished they could stay in this moment forever.

Time and their bodies had other ideas, of course, and Josh could hear the urgency rise in Donna’s breath and the feel the tension in her body. He’d been so focused on her that it took him a little by surprise to realize his body was right there with her. It was a little like their bodies were acting together. Feeding off one another as they moved toward completion.

“Donna...”

“Me too, Josh,” she gasped in times to his slow thrusts. “So close...” She gave a little whimper of protest when he stopped. “Josh...what...why?”

Reaching down he tugged one of her legs free of his waist and shifted it up and over his shoulder. After levering himself slightly, he started thrusting again in the long, deep strokes he’d been using, but this time he picked up the tempo slightly.

“That’s why,” he said.

“O...oh...G...God,” Donna breathed. The new position changed their angle and had Josh hitting her clit more insistently. “ Yes, Josh...just like that...”

He quickened his pace again and had Donna moaning. “Yes, God, I’m going to...”she said in a strangled whisper. “Come with me, Josh. I want to feel you come inside me too.”

“Oh, yeah,” he ground out breathlessly as he worked above her.

There was no shouting this time when they came. Only soft exclamations and names spoken in passion as first Donna then Josh reached the pinnacle of their orgasms and pulsed around and inside each other. Their timing was nearly perfect and she milked his body with her own until they collapsed against each other, spent and exhausted.

So he wasn’t squishing her, Josh slid out of her and rolled them so he was lying on his back and she was resting against him. Their quickened and somewhat harsh breathing and the smell of sex and sweaty bodies filtered through the darkened room for a few minutes.

With one arm already tucked around her waist, he reached his other hand up and ran it over her hair. 

“There are so many times when I want to lose myself in you...” he began quietly. “...and yet, I always seem to find myself instead.”

Donna draped her arm across his chest. “ You’re everything to me, Josh. I found myself in you the day we met in New Hampshire.”

Josh tightened his arm around her waist and shifting his head, pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Thank you for an amazing night.”

Donna stroked her hand lightly down his chest and felt him sigh contentedly. “I hope there will be many more just like it.” 

“There will be,” he murmured, his voice already going thick with sleep. “Donna...?”

“Hmmmm?” she said, feeling the specter of sleep creeping over her too.

“I’m glad we’re getting married tomorrow,” he whispered.

“I am too,” she with a smile as she continued to stroke his chest. “Sleep now.”


	32. Chances

Chapter 32

Josh woke with a start, and sitting up quickly, he looked around the den. 

The first thing he noticed was that he was alone. No Donna. No Sam. Nobody. The no Donna part sent a stab of disappointment through him. He’d hoped to wake up with her.

The second thing he noticed was that sunlight flooded the den, telling him that it was probably well into the morning already.

“Wow, did I sleep,” he muttered running a hand over his face.

Scanning the room again, he frowned. It was neat as a pin. His boxers and t-shirt were folded on the foot of the bed and the sheets on the empty side of the bed were pulled up into place and made up as much as they could be with Josh still lying in it. 

There was no obvious sign of what he and Donna had done the night before.

In fact, if he wasn’t naked he’d be wondering if he’d actually imagined Donna’s visit last night.

His frown suddenly deepened. Or had he imagined it? Could it have all been a really vivid dream? In the midst of his dream could he have removed his clothes? Did he have some serious explaining to do to Sam?

He ran over the night in his mind. 

No, it had to be real. His imagination just wasn’t that good.

Just then, Donna opened the den door without knocking and closing the door behind her, breezed into the room. She was carrying his wedding suit and the related accessories, and a clean change of clothes for during the day.

“Hey, sleepyhead, it’s good to see you’re awake,” she said hanging up his suit in the small den closet. “I was beginning to worry you’d sleep right through the wedding,” she finished as she started to lay his shoes and everything else out on the empty side of the bed.

Trying to get his sleepy mind working again, he stared at her. “What time is it?” he asked groggily.

“Almost ten,” she said.

“Ten? I never sleep that late.”

“I know,” she said with a little grin as she unfolded some jeans for him to wear. “Sam must have really tired you out last night.”

Sam? Oh, no, what if he really had dreamed it all?

“Yeah...um...about last night...” He wasn’t quite sure how to phrase the question.

“Don’t worry, Josh, I know about you and Sam.”

Josh’s frown was so deep it looked like his forehead dipped into the bridge of his nose.

He tried to act innocent. “You know about me and Sam?” 

“Of course, I knew about it. I figured it out this morning and even if I hadn’t, Sam ended up spilling his guts about it when I saw him in the kitchen.” 

‘What the hell happened last night?’ he wondered. Had he snuggled up to Sam in his sleep or something?

“But don’t worry,” Donna continued. “I expected it to happen so it’s no big thing.”

“NO big thing!” Josh all but shrieked in a high, terribly embarrassing voice. She was being very calm about this.

Donna frowned at him. “What’s with your voice?” She walked around to his side of the bed and laid her hand on his forehead. “You don’t have a fever. Do you have a sore throat or something?”

“No, I feel fine. But how can you be okay with...what happened?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay with it?” she asked pulling her hand off his forehead.

He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Um...what exactly did happen with Sam last night? Things are a little fuzzy,” he lied. His version of events was perfectly clear to him. It just didn’t jive with the morning’s evidence.

“You both had a third beer after I turned in last night, even though I told you that two was your limit.” She gave him a little smile. “I actually planned it that way. I figured you’d have one more than I said anyway just to be rebellious on your last night of freedom. Why? What did you think happened?” she asked.

“I didn’t...I wasn’t sure,” he said trying not to laugh with relief. “Sorry about the beers.”

“It’s all right.” She looked at him assessingly. “Josh? Why are you acting so weird this morning?” She paused and Josh saw her pale a bit. “You’re not having second thoughts about the wedding are you?”

“What?! NO, no!! God no,” Josh told her quickly as he pulled on her hand so she sat down on the bed next to him. “Nothing could be further from the truth.”

She relaxed visibly. “What’s wrong then? Oh, wait, I bet I know.”

“You do?” he asked as his voice went a little high again. He knew she often practically read his mind, but did she really know what he’d just been thinking?

“You have a headache, don’t you? From the extra beer, right? Is that why you seem out of sorts this morning?”

“Well...” he began. Actually, he didn’t have a headache at all.

“Hang on, I’ll get you two Advil and some water,” she said, rising from the bed before he could stop her. He watched her go into the bathroom. “Although after what we did last night...” she called from the bathroom and she presumably searched through the medicine cabinet and filled a cup of water for him. “I thought you’d be all but swaggering through the house this morning.”

“What we did last night?” he said cautiously, hardly daring to hope she was saying what he thought she was saying. 

Grinning, she walked out of the bedroom carrying a bottle of Advil and a cup of water. “Yes, you know the part where I came down here and had my way with you.”

Relief finally flooded through him and he flopped back on the bed in relief. “Thank God.”

“Well, I admit it was amazing, but...” Setting the water and the Advil on the desk, she sat down next to him on the bed again. “Josh? What’s with you this morning?” she asked with a new frown.

He laughed. “I...it doesn’t matter now.”

Feeling like she was missing the joke, she quirked up an eyebrow. “Tell me anyway.”

He hoped she didn’t pour the water on his head by the time he got done. “Well...when I woke up, I was alone and the room was pristine like last night had never happened. And you were right when you said it was amazing and...it occurred to me that I could have, possibly...dreamt it all.” 

Donna gave him a soft smile. “Trust me, Josh. you didn’t dream it. I just got up a couple hours ago to have my increasingly frequent fight with the porcelain god and since I’ve also got things to do to get ready for tonight, I just decided to get up,” she explained. “You were sleeping so peacefully I figured I’d let you sleep longer. I straightened up the room and then went to make myself some tea.”

Concerned about her throwing up again and having to do it all by herself, he gave her hand a squeeze. “Are you feeling all right now?”

“Yes, don’t worry,” she assured him. “As much as I loathe vomiting, it seems like once I’ve done it in the morning and have some tea, I feel a lot better.”

“Good, I’m glad...well not GLAD,” he amended. “But...you know.”

“I know what you mean,” she told him with a grin. “So is that why you were kind of freaked out when I came in? Because you thought you dreamt about you and me last night?”

“I...well...” he hedged. “I was a little worried because I was naked. I figured if I dreamt about what you and I did and I woke up naked that maybe I’d snuggled up to Sam in my sleep or tried to kiss him or something.” 

Donna pressed her hand to her mouth. Josh could see she was trying not to laugh.

“I’m serious!” he insisted sitting up and pulling the sheet up a little higher to try and hold on to some scrap of dignity. “And then when you said that you knew all about me and Sam and how he’d spilled his guts this morning...”

“And you thought you’d come on to Sam!!!” she finished. Donna couldn’t hold it in any longer and falling back on the foot of the bed, she exploded with laughter. 

“Keep your voice down,” Josh hissed as she continued to laugh. “Sam will hear you. And it’s NOT funny!!!” 

She was laughing so hard she was having trouble catching her breath. “Oh, Josh...it really is,” she gasped out as she fell into a new round of laughter.

“I’m so glad that you’re enjoying my humiliation,” he whined. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you.”

Donna’s laughter slowly faded and propping herself up on her elbows, she cocked her head at him. “So you and Sam, huh? Does this mean you’re going to buy a house and pick out a china pattern?”

“Oh, you!!!” he said snatching up his pillow and smacking her in the head with it.

Following immediately after the pillow, he tackled her back onto the bed and began to tickle her.

“No!! Stop, stop! I’m sorry,” she giggled breathlessly. “I’m sorry...please stop tickling me!”

Pulling up her shirt to expose her skin, Josh kept up his barrage. “I will if you call me ‘wild thing.’”

“Wild thing!” she squealed. “Now please stop!!!”

His fingers danced down her sides. “Now tell me who da man?”

“You are, Josh! You are!” she squeaked. “You da man!!! All the girls think so.”

Both of them breathing hard, he stopped tickling her and they found themselves pressed tightly together. Josh’s naked form pressed her dressed one down into the bed.

His breath fanned over her face. “You’re the only girl’s opinion I care about anymore.”

Smiling, Donna felt her pulse start to race in a way that had nothing to do with him tickling her. Even through her clothes, the naked length of his body was sending waves of heat through her. She couldn’t quite find enough breath to speak.

Feeling her desire, Josh did the speaking instead. “And for the record, you didn’t seduce me last night, you defiled me repeatedly last night.”

“Is that a complaint?” she asked with a breathless little grin as she felt the starting of his erection pressing against her leg.

Josh smirked back at her. “Quite the opposite. More like a ringing endorsement. Feel free to defile me any time you like.”

He leaned in, but suddenly found her hand pressed over his mouth when he tried to kiss her. “No kissing until the wedding,” she told him as she uncovered his mouth. “Sorry.”

Josh dropped his head against her shoulder. “But Donna...” he moaned. “You’ve got me all...worked up.”

“So I noticed against my leg,” she replied with a soft laugh as she stroked her hand over the back of his head. “Groggy to aroused in 30 seconds. You’re very good for my ego, Josh.”

Lifting his head he looked down at her with a smoldering gaze. “I’d rather be good at making you scream my name when you come,” he told her with another smirk as he wiggled his hips against her.

Loving the feeling of him pressing himself against her, she gasped softly and lifted her hand to his face. “You already excel at that and you know it.” 

He saw the determination in her eyes. “This isn’t going to be like last night where you change your mind, is it?”

“No, sorry, not this time,” she apologized. “I know that you...”

Just then there was a knock at the door and before Josh or Donna could say anything or move a muscle, Sam opened the door.

“Hey, Donna, where’s...” Sam began, then stopped in his tracks.

Just about then, it occurred to Josh that he was buck naked and given the fact he was lying on top of Donna, his bare ass was in the air.

”ACK!!!” he screamed all but flying off Donna. 

Of course they’d been laying precariously close to the edge of the bed so when he flew off Donna, in actuality he FELL off the bed and landed on his butt squarely on the floor. The only break he got was now the bed was between him and Sam.

“Josh!!” Donna cried. Although wrestling with Josh had pulled her shirt way up over her breasts, she was wearing a bra so she didn’t feel all that self-conscious. Pulling her shirt down, she quickly sat up. “Are you okay?”

“Ow...” Josh groaned as he sat up and peered over the edge of the bed at them. “Yeah, I’m fine. Only my pride got bruised.” He looked over to the doorway where Sam was standing in shocked silence. “Morning, Sam,” he said with a little wave. 

Sam overcame his shock and embarrassment enough to speak. “Um...hi,” he swallowed. “Sorry...I didn’t mean to barge in. I just...I figured you’d be awake...and dressed...by now.”

Josh sighed. “It’s okay, Sam. I have a feeling Donna was about to kick me out of bed anyway.”

“That wasn’t what it looked like from where I’m standing,” Sam said before he thought better of it. “What are you guys part rabbit or something?”

“We’re just making up for lost time,” Josh told him with a smirk that earned him a light smack in head from Donna.

“And doing a damn fine job of it apparently,” Sam replied.

“What did you need, Sam?” Donna asked him before the testosterone level in the room went too high.

“Oh, I used the last of the laundry detergent and wondered if there was any more. I didn’t see any by the washer and dryer.”

“There’s a new bottle on the bottom shelf of the pantry,” she told him.

“Okay...thanks.” Seemingly at a loss, Sam continued to stand in the doorway like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Um, Sam...” Josh said hesitantly. “Don’t take this wrong, but can you give me and Donna a minute? I can’t, you know...get up off the floor until you leave.” 

“Oh, God! Right. Sorry,” Sam stammered. “Again, I’m really sorry I intruded.”

“It’s all right, but let’s never speak of this incident again,” Josh suggested.

“Fine by me,” Sam said as he continued to stand there.

“Uh, Sam...?” Donna tried this time. 

“Yeah?”

“You’re still here.”

“Oh, right. I’ll just go...and,” he pointed over his shoulder. “...you know, get the laundry detergent.” With that, he backed out of the room and closed the door.

“Well, that took care of my hard-on pretty efficiently,” Josh commented.

Donna grinned at him. “He definitely wants you, Josh. I wouldn’t be surprised it he made up that whole thing about the detergent just to get to see your non-eunuch like parts.”

Gingerly, Josh got to his knees and leaned on the bed. “Actually, I think he was more interested in the fact that your top was pulled way up and for that he must die.”

“Hey, I had a bra on,” Donna pointed out. 

“Donna, do you know how many guys I know get off looking at Victoria’s Secret catalogs rather than Playboy?” he said getting to his feet and rubbing his butt where it had met the floor.

Watching him stand unabashedly naked in front of her, she leaned back on her elbows again and it made her breasts jut forward. “Really, Josh? Do tell me more about these guys.”

He realized he’d sort of boxed himself into a potential corner. “Oh, well not me of course, but, you know, random guys. Look, all I’m saying is that nice lingerie like that bra you’re wearing is very hot.”

“Are you sure you don’t like to look at those catalogs too?” she teased. “Because if you do, I might be able to arrange some kind of Victoria’s Secret fashion show with me as the model.” She looked up at him with blue eyes gone innocent. “A private show, of course...Sam wouldn’t be invited.”

“You got that right,” Josh commented.

With a grin, Donna got up and stood in front of him. Reaching around, she gently rubbed the sore spot on his butt. “I’m sorry you hurt your butt.”

At her touch on his skin, Josh felt the breath go out of him for a moment. “It’s...okay.”

“Good,” she said, giving him a playful smack that made him gasp in surprise. 

“Now go jump in the shower and get dressed,” she ordered. “I’ve got some things for you and Sam to do. The first of which is to strip the sofa bed, wash the sheets and then help Sam remake both beds.” She gave him a little smile. “That’s why Sam needed the detergent. Do you know that he had already stripped our bed and had started washing our sheets when I got up?”

“Yeah, well Sam is kind of girly sometimes. I’m not surprised he wanted to do our laundry.”

“He said he thought it would be nice for us if we had fresh sheets to sleep on tonight. I thought it was a nice gesture.”

“It is,” Josh agreed.

“Okay, as you probably noticed, I brought your suit down and hung it in the closet. You are hereby barred from the bathroom and our bedroom walk-in closet. I think I brought down everything you’ll need. All my wedding stuff is laid out up there and I don’t want you to see anything before tonight.”

He slid his arms loosely around her waist. “All right. While Sam and I wrestle with the sheets, what are you going to be doing?”

“Besides getting myself ready, I’ve got some food to get ready for our dinner tonight.” She glanced at her watch. “And I’m already behind, so I’ll see you later.”

Giving him another pat on the butt, she turned and left.

Ignoring the twinge he knew it would cause, Josh sat down heavily on the side of the bed, ran a hand over his face and glanced down at the partial erection that had developed during Donna’s discussion of the private fashion show.

It was going to be a long day.

**********

Freshly clean after his second shower of the day, Josh stood alone in the den bathroom and tied his tie. It wasn’t a bow tie so it didn’t feel strange to be tying it himself. He did, however, like the fact that it was a tie Donna had picked out. It was navy blue to match his suit with small stripes of lighter blue and white. It looked crisp and clean against the white dress shirt he had on and was the exact one he would have picked if she hadn’t beat him to it.

Contrary to what he’d expected, the day hadn’t taken an eternity. While she’d worked busily in the kitchen, Donna had kept him and Sam occupied with a number of things. The beds, the rest of the regular laundry, picking up the house, and setting the table for dinner had been just a few. Then when she’d run out of things to give them to do, she’d planted them in front of the living room TV to watch a baseball game.

Shortly thereafter, Donna herself had disappeared upstairs and they hadn’t seen or heard from her since. The only noise from upstairs they’d heard at all had been the water running and the occasional sound of footsteps moving around.

He grinned into the mirror as he pulled the knot tight on his tie. They were getting married today. At least in any way that really counted to them. He was still a little amazed that she’d said yes, but at that point he wasn’t going to question his luck. 

Just then a knock sounded at the den door. “Come in!” Josh called. 

“Are you sure?!” Came the reply through the door from Sam.

Josh grinned. Sam had been a little overly cautious since the incident that morning. “Sam, get your ass in here already!!” he yelled from the bathroom.

Sam opened the door and came in. “Sorry, just wanted to make sure you were, you know, decent.”

Josh snorted. “It’s okay. Could you hand me my jacket? It’s hanging on the closet door.”

“Sure.” Sam reached around and took the jacket off the hanger and held it open for him. 

“Thanks.” Josh slid it on and settled it into place. Fastening the button, he turned to Sam. “How do I look?”

Sam gave him a once over. “You look great. Nice suit.”

“Thanks. Donna picked it out.”

Sam grinned. “Instead of your Joey Lucas suit, it’s your Donna Moss suit.”

Rather than laughing or making a joke, Josh was quiet for a moment. “To tell you the truth, while I did buy that first suit originally for Joey Lucas, I ended up wearing it more because I knew Donna would notice I had it on and make a comment.” Just the hint of a secret smile crossed his face. “It became a Donna Moss suit a long time ago.”

Sam watched him for a moment. “If I haven’t said it yet, I’m really happy for you both,” he said with quiet seriousness.

Josh pulled him into a hug and slapped him lightly on the back. “Thanks, man. And thanks for being here. I know it was an accident, but it’s good to have you here.”

They pulled apart. “I’m glad I could share this with you guys,” Sam told him. “Just promise me that if you have another one...with a real minister or rabbi or whatever you’ll invite me to that one too.”

“Oh, we’ll have another one,” Josh said. “Just as soon as we can make it legal, we will. So consider yourself already invited.”

Sam grinned. “Thanks.” 

“You got the rings?”

Sam reached into his pocket and pulled out the small black box containing their wedding rings. “Yep, right here.”

Just then, the cell phone in Sam’s pocket went off. Donna had given him one of their disposable phones so that they could communicate while she was upstairs. She’d given it to Sam, rather than Josh because Sam had unofficially become the wedding coordinator and facilitator. Besides officiating at the ceremony and holding onto the rings, he was charged with getting Josh to the place she’d picked out behind the house on time.

Sam pulled out the phone and answered it while Josh fiddled with his tie.

“Hey,” Sam said into the phone. He glanced at Josh. “Yeah, he’s right here.”

“Let me talk to her,” Josh said holding out his hand.

Josh took the phone. “Hey, Beautiful.”

“Hey yourself, handsome,” she replied with a smile in her voice. “Did you manage to get yourself ready without me?” 

“Just this once, but don’t worry. Now that we’re getting married, I’ll go back to being my same helpless self,” he told her with a grin. “How about you? Are you ready or do you need more time? Sam and I can always hang around until tomorrow,” he teased.

“Comments like that are not going to get you the good honeymoon sex, Joshua,” she teased back. 

“Okay, so I may have spoken too soon...” Josh backpedaled.

Donna laughed lightly in his ear. “That’s what I thought. In any case, that’s why I called. I’m ready too.”

“Then I guess Sam and I will head out to the place you picked and we’ll see you in a few minutes. Oh, and I’m going to leave a surprise for you on the kitchen table.”

“A surprise?” she asked excitedly. “I love surprises.”

Josh smiled. “I know.”

There was a little pause on her end. “I love you, Josh.”

His smile softened. “I love you, too.”

With that, Donna ended the call and Josh handed Sam the phone. “She loves me,” he said with a grin.

Sam could help but grin too. “Could you possibly be any more disgustingly happy?”

“Right at this moment, no I don’t believe I could be.” He clapped Sam on the back. “Come on let’s go get me hitched.”

They walked out of the den and Josh headed for the kitchen. “Wow, it smells amazing in here,” Sam commented. “If the smell is any indication, the stuffed chicken breasts Donna has baking for dinner are going to be fabulous.”

“She’s an amazing cook, Sam. I never knew it until we got here and weren’t working 20 hour days or running for our lives, but she is.”

“So what’s this surprise you got for her?” Sam asked as Josh walked to the wide fridge.

“You’ll see. I got it for her when we were at the store yesterday,” he told Sam as he opened the fridge and rummaged around inside.

“Didn’t she see it?”

“No, I can be stealthy when I need to.”

“Well, that’s debatable,” Sam remarked.

Triumphantly, Josh stood up with a large white package in his hand. “Okay, so I enlisted Harry’s help.”

Still not any clearer about what was in the package, Sam frowned and moved closer. “Who’s Harry?”

“He’s a guy we know. He owns a store in town and he’s the one that rented us this house,” Josh explained as he unwrapped the package. “I asked him to order these and then help me smuggle them out of the store yesterday. When we got back here, I hid them in the garage until Donna went upstairs. Then I stashed them in the back of the fridge and hoped she wouldn’t find them.”

The paper fell away and Sam saw what was inside. A little smirk touched his mouth. “I’m going to have to get ear plugs to block out the sex you’re going to get for this, aren’t I?”

Josh grinned. “Probably.” Throwing the wrapper away, he laid the surprise on the table for her and then rubbed his hands together gleefully. “Okay, let’s go.”

The two of them walked outside. Just as Donna had planned, the sun hadn’t set yet, but was very low in the sky casting long golden shadows over the landscape. It was comfortably warm outside and there was just the hint of a breeze blowing, causing the desert grasses to bend and sway slightly.

The spot Donna had picked out was on a small hill behind the house and overlooked the shallow valley the house sat on the edge of. The view, while not being quite what you would call ‘breathtaking’ was picturesque all the same, especially at that time of the day when the encroaching sunset set the valley alive with color.

The plan was for Donna to come out the front door and walk down after they had taken their places. Sam had offered to escort her down there like she was walking down the ‘aisle,’ but she wanted to do it on her own. 

“So, how you feelin’?” Sam asked as they walked down a wide path. “Nervous at all?”

Josh shrugged. “No. I suppose that should surprise me, but it doesn’t. Actually I’m looking forward to it. Like I said before, I think Donna keeps waiting for me to suddenly change my mind. She even made a comment about it this morning. I want this chance to make a commitment to her.”

Sam grinned a little and shook his head.

“What?” Josh asked. “Why is that funny? I’m serious.”

“No, I know you are,” Sam replied. “It’s just that sometimes I forget that when you decide to do something, you really do it.”

Josh’s frown turned into a grin. “Yeah, it’s usually how I get myself in trouble.”

Sam sobered. “It’s also how you helped get a President elected.”

“Well, I hope this will turn out to be something in the latter category.”

Sam was quiet for a moment as they came to the hill and stopped where Donna had told them to stand. “Trust me, Josh, after seeing you two together...and I don’t just mean the past couple days...I know it will work out.”

“Thanks, Sam,” he said. “It means a lot to hear...you...say...” His voice trailed off as he stared off to Sam’s left.

Sam followed Josh’s gaze and saw why he’d apparently lost the ability to speak.

Donna had rounded the front corner of the house and following the path they had taken moments before, she walked steadily toward them. 

She was a vision. Her tea length dress was white with spaghetti straps and a fitted bodice. The bodice was covered in seed pearls and tiny glass beads that caught the dying sunlight and gave it new life as it shimmered and danced over the fabric. The skirt was wide and full and made of what looked to be layers and layers of some soft, lightweight fabric that flowed and rippled elegantly out behind her in the soft breeze.

In her hands, clasped in front of her, she carried Josh’s surprise. Her wedding bouquet consisting of 24 gorgeous mini, white calla lilies tied together with a thick white ribbon.

Most striking of all was her hair. She’d worn it down for the most part, only choosing to pull a couple of the pieces around her face back out of the way. A simple, thin white ribbon was wrapped around the pieces on each side and then tied together at the back of her head to secure the hair in place. The rest was left to flow freely behind her in the light breeze, in much the same way her dress did. 

And Donna apparently had a surprise of her own for Josh. She’d died her hair back to a soft blonde again. Like the glass beads in the bodice of her dress, her hair caught the soon-to-be-fading light and set it to sparkling as it slid though the dancing ends of her hair.

As Josh watched her walk out to them, he realized something. Even with the ‘old’ Donna hair, she wasn’t ‘old’ Donna to him anymore. He saw her with new eyes now. He supposed part of it had to do with the fact that he could watch her, really watch her with no hiding or pretense. But it was more than that. 

She looked older, more mature. She was no longer the ingénue that had taken over his office in Nashua seven years ago. While he’d loved and adored the ‘old’ Donna, the Donna walking over to him had blossomed into something stronger and deeper and she took his breath away. He’d told Sam the truth when he said he wasn’t nervous and seeing her now, he was even more sure than ever that marrying her was the right thing and that she, and the child she likely carried, were his future.

It was all he could do not to run to her and pull her into a hug like some cheesy movie.

Donna kept her steps slow and steady. She wasn’t trying to do anything weird like walking in measured, pausing steps as if she was walking down the aisle of a church. Even though it was a very gradual, shallow downward slope to the hill where Josh and Sam waited, her slow steps were more a case of her trying to get to Josh as quickly as possible without the new soles of her low heeled slippers sliding on the gravel path and causing her to fall.

While she wasn’t exactly nervous, her stomach had been playing host to a small group of butterflies when she’d come downstairs. She’d put a lot of thought into how she looked and wanted to look her best for him. Even though she knew he didn’t care what color her hair was, she knew her now blonde hair would be a bit of a surprise to him. A pleasant surprise she hoped. It had only felt right to marry him looking as much like herself as possible.

Then she’d found his wonderful surprise on the table. The flowers were gorgeous and she couldn’t imagine how he’d managed to get them and keep them hidden from her. It had taken her a couple extra minutes to compose herself after tears had sprung to her eyes as she’d laid the cool petals against her cheek.

And now as she walked toward Josh and saw the look of love and what was best described as...amazement on his face, any lingering butterflies in her stomach took flight. And with them went her worries about him changing his mind about being with her.

They’d come so far together. In the beginning, she’d been so young, and he, in many ways, had been so cynical. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t enjoyed throwing trivia and banter at him all these years, just to get him to laugh once in a while and see the lighter side of things.

He looked more relaxed these days, largely due of course to the fact that he had no national crisis to deal with and was able to sleep more than three hours a night, but Donna liked to think she played a part in it too. There was now an extra layer of warmth in his eyes, a look that she hadn’t seen before they’d truly found each other. In her heart, Donna thought he looked less restless and more settled...and, she dared to hope...happy. 

There are moments in life, generally the really important moments that go by and we don’t recognize them for what they are at the time. It’s only later that we see their significance. 

But as Josh watched Donna reach the spot where he was standing and took his hand in hers, he knew with crystal clarity this was one of those moments.

“You look amazing,” he said giving her hand a squeeze.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” she replied with a smile. “Thank you for my surprise. They’re beautiful.”

His free hand came up to toy with the ends of her hair. “I see I’m not the only one who can bring the surprises,” he said with a smile of approval.

Donna only gave him a wide, beautiful smile and the two of them turned to Sam.

Sam had watched their interchange with fascination and once again not without a tiny bit of jealousy. When they finally turned to him it took him a second to shake himself. They were often so...oblivious of anyone else, going from voyeur to active participant made him have to refocus.

He let out a breath. “I know you said that I could go the ‘do you take this man or woman’ route but I didn’t like something quite that formal. So...being a writer at heart, I’d planned to find some meaningful poem or story to read. Something that would perfectly capture what you’ve both been through together and what I think you mean to each other.” He looked at them. 

“But I ran into a small problem. I realized that what you feel for each other can’t be easily categorized or summarized. It’s bigger than that. It is unique and rare and all I can say is that someday, I hope I find someone to love half as much as you two love each other.”

Josh and Donna exchanged smiles as they continued to hold hands. 

“Since I know you were planning to recite your own vows anyway, I think the best and most fitting thing to do would just be to let you both speak for yourselves,” he told them. “Would one of you like to go first or should I, you know, flip a coin?”

“I’d like to go first,” Josh said without hesitation.

Blushing slightly at his eagerness, Donna smiled, while Sam grinned. “Okay, go ahead,” Sam told him.

“Can I have her ring first?” Josh asked. 

“Oh, sure,” Sam pulled the black box out of his pocket, pulled the ring out and handed it to Josh. Donna held her bouquet in her right hand, while Josh took her left hand in one of his.

Josh took a quiet breath. “Donnatella...we’ve been through so much together. You’ve been in my life longer than any woman besides my mother and I’m thankful that you stuck with me long enough for me to figure out just what you really mean to me.” 

He gave her a self-effacing grin. “I know I can be a slow learner sometimes, but as Sam pointed out to me a few minutes ago, once I’ve made up my mind I go full steam ahead.” He squeezed her hand. “Believe me when I say that I know without a shadow of a doubt you are my past, present and future. Anything that happens from this time forward, is nothing we can’t handle as long as we’re together.”

He paused for a moment. “Part of me wishes we could have this ceremony before a judge or someone else who could make it legal in the eyes of the law, but honestly, what we’re doing here today is all I need to know that what we have is real and lasting and that’s all that matters to me.”

Holding up her wedding band, he slid it onto her finger until it was securely nestled next to here engagement ring. “I love you and I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me.”

Donna stood there with tears in her eyes and her heart filled to bursting. “That was beautiful,” she said wetly giving his hand a squeeze. Sniffing, she smiled. “I’m just going to need a second.”

Josh pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at her damp cheeks. “Take all the time you need.”

Of course his gentle gesture only made her tears fall faster, but after a moment, Donna felt that she’d be able to speak coherently. “Sam, can I trade you my flowers for his ring?”

“Of course,” Sam said. Carefully taking the bouquet from her, he handed her Josh’s wedding band. 

She took his left hand in hers. “Joshua...I’ve loved you since the first time I met you. I loved your passion and your dedication and the caring you showed for others that you so often buried behind your arrogance and your humor.” She smiled. “But most of all, I loved YOU. Loved you in ways I’d never loved anyone before. You’ve protected me and taught me and shown me what the world could be in its possibilities and its promise.” 

She had to blink back another round of tears. “And I know that a world without you is no world I want any part of. You tease me and challenge me and you make me laugh. If I’ve seemed reluctant at times to go forward with what’s happened between us, it’s only because I keep wanting to pinch myself to see that it’s not a dream. You’re the only thing I’ve ever really wanted, Joshua.” Not even trying to reign in her tears, she gave his hand a squeeze. “And the fact that you love me too makes me feel like the luckiest woman in the world.” 

Holding his wedding band delicately in her fingers, she slid it on his finger. “I love you and I’ll have you forever, but even then it won’t be long enough.” 

Josh blinked back a few stray tears of his own and lifted his hand to cup her cheek. She pressed her face into his hand and in tandem they both leaned in and kissed.

“You may now kiss the bride,” Sam said with a misty smile. He knew it was unnecessary but he wanted to feel like he was still doing his part.

Josh tasted the saltiness of Donna tears as they tenderly kissed. The kiss was languid and full of silent promise. His arms circled her waist and pulled her flush against him. Her mouth opened for him and their tongues meshed fluidly, naturally, and with what was becoming a familiar and yet still passionate rhythm.

Since Sam didn’t have anything to do but stand and wait for them to surface he realized he could take a couple of pictures.

In addition to wedding coordinator, best man, officiator, ring bearer and flower girl, Sam had also been given the job of wedding photographer. Donna had bought a disposable camera and had asked him to take what would be the only pictures of their ‘wedding.’ 

Shoving the empty ring box in one pocket and still carefully holding onto Donna’s flowers, he pulled the camera out of his other pocket. He’d already snapped off a couple of Donna as she’d walked down the path to them and now he added a few of them kissing for the first time as man and wife in the setting sun. Again, it felt a little voyeuristic, but he knew they’d want a reminder of the moment.

The flash or the sound of the camera shutter must have penetrated some part of their brains because they slowly finished the kiss and pulled apart to turn to Sam both with huge grins on their faces.

Sliding the camera back into his pocket and handing Donna back her flowers, Sam stared at them as they stood with their arms looped around each other’s waist. “If you’ll indulge me, I do have something I’d like to close with.” 

Sam waited until the two of them nodded and then he began speaking.

“Now you will feel no rain,  
For each of you will be shelter to the other.  
Now you will feel no cold,  
For each of you will be warmth to the other.  
Now you are two bodies,  
But there is only one life before you.  
Go now to your dwelling place (‘wherever that might be,’ he added)  
To enter into the days of your togetherness  
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.”

“That was beautiful, Sam,” Donna said fighting off more tears as she stepped forward and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you for helping us out with this. You did a great job.”

Josh reached forward and shook his hand. “You really did, Sam, thanks.”

A little embarrassed, Sam fidgeted and smiled back. “You’re both welcome.” He clapped his hands together. “Now, how about some pictures of the bride and groom before we lose what little sunlight we have.”


	33. Chances

Chapter 33

“So did you find something for Sam to use for ear plugs?” Josh asked quietly as they reached the top of the stairs and closed the bedroom door behind them.

In the light of one of the bedside lamps she’d left burning, Donna grinned. “Yes. I gave him some cotton balls to stuff in his ears.”

Sliding his arms around her waist, he pulled her into his arms. “Good idea, although I somehow doubt that’s going to keep him from hearing all the noise we’re going to be making.”

She wrapped her hands around his shoulders and pressed her body into his. “He said he’d go sleep in the car if we got too noisy.”

Josh chuckled. “Poor Sam. We really haven’t made things easy on him, have we?”

“Hey, we stopped having sex in the kitchen while he’s here, didn’t we?” she said with a grin. “What more does he want?”

“Good point,” Josh replied as they both laughed about it for a moment.

Then Josh sobered a bit. “Hey, I wanted to tell you everything was perfect tonight. The ceremony, dinner, the cake...which I’d like to say thank you for not smushing into my face, and most of all...” He kissed her lightly. “You. You looked amazing tonight. I’ve never seen anyone look so beautiful.”

Playfully she loosened his tie. “You looked pretty terrific yourself tonight, Mr. Lyman.”

“Why thank you, Mrs. Lyman. Or do you want to keep your name?”

“I think I like Moss-Lyman,” she replied as she pulled his tie free and tossed it over her shoulder.

“It has a nice ring to it at that.” He reached up and ran his hand over her newly colored hair. “Well, Mrs. Moss-Lyman, your hair looks great.”

She smiled shyly. “You really like it?”

“I love it. I was very surprised. Pleasantly surprised.”

“Well, just don’t get too attached to it. I only used a temporary hair color. It should wash out in 8-10 shampoos.”

He slid fingers deeper into her hair to run over her scalp. “Well, then I guess I’ll have to enjoy it while I can.”

Closing the gap between them, Josh’s mouth descended to hers and captured it in a kiss. It started out sweet, simple...gentle, but the heat and intensity of it grew like a banked fire given a new infusion of fuel.

As their mouths fused and tongues danced, Donna’s hands skimmed down his arms and slid under his jacket to feel the heat of his body and the firm planes of his back through the fabric of his shirt. She loved touching him like this, at her leisure, wherever and however she wanted to. Loving Josh had made her a much more tactile person.

“We’re wearing...too many...clothes,” she gasped between heated kisses.

“You won’t get...any...argument from...me.” 

Continuing to kiss her, Josh moved his hands from her hair and brushed over her bare shoulders to caress her back and settle on the zipper of her dress. He needed more than her bare shoulders. Tonight, he wanted to feel as much of her skin under his hands as he could.

Slowly, he drew the zipper down her back and although he expected to feel the soft skin of her lower back, he found another layer of what felt like lace under his fingers. Somewhere in his semi-blood starved brain he remembered her saying she’d bought something at Victoria’s Secret to wear under her wedding outfit.

Finding this an interesting development, he unzipped her dress the rest of the way and moved his hands back up to pull the spaghetti straps off her shoulders. He took it as a show of his manly prowess that he managed to do all that while he continued to kiss her.

Knowing what he was trying to do, Donna dropped her arms to allow the straps and the dress to slither off her body. With a soft whoosh, the dress pooled at her feet and she put her hands under the lapels of his jacket with the intent of removing it.

Needing to see what she was wearing under her dress, Josh broke off their kiss and took a step back before she could get his jacket off.

“God, Donna,” Josh almost growled. “It’s a good thing I didn’t know you were wearing that before the wedding or we never would have made it out of the house.”

Donna gave him a seductive little smirk. “Do you like it, Josh? I bought it just for you.”

“Yeah...oh, yeah.” Was all he could manage to say.

As his eyes raked over her, Josh felt all the spit in his mouth evaporate. She was wearing something right out of his fantasies. Most of her torso was encased in a strapless white silk and lace corset that pushed her breasts up a bit and rode down to rest low on her hips. Dripping off the end of it were ribbon garters that held up delicate white stockings. Nestled between the corset and the stockings was a flimsy, barely-there, white lace thong.

While Josh stood there speechless, Donna carefully stepped out of her dress and with her hips swaying, carried it over to a chair and laid it over the back so it wouldn’t get wrinkled.

“Oh, sweet mother, the back is even better than the front,” Josh muttered as she stepped out of her shoes and kicked them aside.

Although the stockings were about the same from the back, the corset dipped a bit lower in the back and the thong framed the rounded bare globes of her ass perfectly.

Now he was torn. His fingers itched to touched her skin, but he also wanted to enjoy the confectionary lingerie she’d worn for him. He could all but picture her rising over him, riding him as he ran his hands over the contrasting textures of satin, lace and skin.

Walking back over to him, Donna saw he was staring at her like he was thinking through a really difficult math problem. The fact that his gaze was going from her breasts to her crotch gave her a pretty good idea of what he was thinking. 

“Josh, do you want to help me get undressed or would you rather watch me do it?” 

Her words seemed to snap him awake. “No...I mean yes, but no.”

Donna gave him a bemused smile. “You’re going to have to elaborate on that a little.”

He blinked at her. “I mean yes, I’m always ready willing and able to help you get undressed and on the other hand, yes I also wouldn’t mind watching you undress for me, but in this case I’d like you to keep wearing it. At least for now.”

“Okay,” she said with a smile. “But isn’t the underwear going to, you know, get in the way a bit?”

Josh had come out of his trance and was now looking at her almost...predatorily.

“No, not at all.”

He stepped a little closer to her and laid his hands on her waist. One hand slid up to cup her lace covered breast while the other went down and toyed with the string like band of her thong.

Donna felt her breath catch at the feeling of his hands on her. “Oh? And how are you going to solve the problem of that little...barrier?”

“Elementary, my dear Mrs. Moss-Lyman. I have two choices.”

“And the first one is?” 

“I can simply push them aside and take you while you’re still wearing them,” he said matter-of-factly.

As if to illustrate his point, he moved the hand that had been toying with her thong, out from under the band and drew it slowly between her legs. As if she knew what he was planning, Donna shifted and widened her stance slightly. First he cupped her mound through the skimpy fabric of her panties which were already damp with her arousal. Then he slid the tips of his fingers under the edge of the material just to tease her folds. With his eyes boring into hers, he then slid his fingers into her folds and found her clit swollen and fairly throbbing for him.

Donna tried to keep eye contact with him, but her body was swamped with the pleasure his fingers were giving her and she heard herself moan as she gripped his shoulder to keep from melting into the floor.

Josh slid his whole hand between her legs and rotated his hand so his thumb continued to work on her clit and his fingers slid inside her. She was hot and wet and his hand was instantly coated with her juices. Of course, he wanted to be inside her the first time she came after the wedding so when he felt her getting a little too close, he slowly removed his hand.

Donna pouted in disappointment. “Joooosh, I was almost there.”

“I know you were, but I’m not ready for you to get there yet,” he told her playfully. “I want us to get there together.”

“Okay,” she conceded with a sigh as she reached for his shirt. “Then how about if we get YOU undressed now?” 

He batted her hands away. “But I haven’t showed you the second way to get around your apparel problem.”

Humoring him, she put her hands on her hips and cocked her head at him. “Fine, what’s your second solution? I can’t imagine that I’m going to like it any better than the first one.”

“Perhaps a demonstration would be better.”

With a smirk, he brushed his hands over the area on her abdomen just above the top her panties. With a quick move he gripped the elastic band and pulled. With a slight ripping sound, the band snapped and he tugged the thong off her body. 

He held the panties up like a prize. “See, problem solved.” 

Donna stood there speechless. She wanted to be mad that he’d just ruined what she remembered was a $12 pair of underwear, but she was too busy being aroused. No one had ever torn her underwear off before. It was just about the hottest thing she’d ever seen.

Not wasting time with any words, she merely grabbed his face in her hands and kissed the smirk right off his mouth. Now forgotten, the panties slid out of his hand and fluttered to the floor. 

As she continued to devour his mouth, her hands dropped from his face and started tearing at his clothes. She was frantic to touch his bare skin. 

His jacket hit the floor first, then her hands moved to undo the first two buttons of his dress shirt. Silently thankful he hadn’t worn an undershirt, she moved her mouth down to scrape her teeth along the cords of his neck and lick the hollows at the base of his throat. 

Josh groaned at the way she’d turned the tables on him and was all but ravishing his throat.

Donna fumbled with the other buttons, but when that wasn’t progressing fast enough, she simply took her cue from him and grasped each side of his open collar and pulled. 

Thread snapped, buttons popped and flew off in unseen directions and his shirt jerked itself halfway out of his pants.

Josh chuckled a bit breathlessly at her eagerness. “Someone’s in a hurry.”

“I need you, Josh,” she ground out as she gave the bottom of his shirt a hard tug and finally had it open. “Besides, you’re not the only one who can do a little clothes ripping.”

Shoving the shirt off his shoulders, Donna’s hands roamed over his chest, her nails raked lightly over his skin before her mouth descended to taste the same area.

Josh realized that with his cuffs still buttoned at his wrist, his arms were trapped in his shirt. Although it was hard for him to think with her mouth and hands moving over his nipples and his neck and chest, he somehow managed to get the cuffs unbuttoned. Stripping the shirt off all together, he tossed it over his shoulder.

Before he could even reach for her, Donna had her hands on his belt and was peeling it open and then doing the same with the fly on his pants. She made short work of his pants and she shoved them and his boxers down in one quick motion. Her hands encircled his already semi-hard cock, stroking him insistently as her mouth continued to roam over him.

“God, Donna, you’re going to kill me,” he gasped.

“I just...want you...to be...ready,” she said between hungry kisses. “I know...I am.”

Josh grinned as he ran his hands through her hair. “Thank God, because I’m not going to last long at this rate.”

Straightening, Donna licked her lips. “You won’t...have to,” she said seductively. 

Turning, she walked to the bed and yanked back the sheets. She knelt down on the bed and crawled across it on her hands and knees, giving him another glorious view of her bare backside. 

Josh stood there watching her and felt his body getting harder and more aroused by the second.

Settling herself in the middle of the bed, she opened her legs slightly to give him a rather...seductive and unobstructed view. One of her hands slid down the inside of her thigh and over her stocking, until her fingers were teasing the outer edges of her sensitive flesh. The other hand rose up and she crooked her finger to beckon him over.

Not needing any more encouragement, he toed out of his shoes and kicked off his pants and boxers, leaving everything where it had fallen. Now all he was wearing was a pair of socks, which he dispensed with on his way over to the bed.

Climbing into bed with her, he ran one hand through her hair, while the other hand went to join hers between her legs. “Have I ever mentioned how damn sexy you are?”

Feeling his hand between her legs alternately caressing her own hand already there and her center, it took her a minute to find her voice. “Feel free...to tell me...any time you like,” she said breathlessly.

Lifting her free hand, she laid it on the back of his neck and pulled his face down to hers for a kiss. Once again, the kiss started out at a simmer and quickly grew in strength and urgency. Both of their hands began moving more insistently on her center.

“Ohhh, I...ahhh, I need more, Josh,” she begged as she removed her damp hand from her center to wrap it around his rock hard cock. “I need you inside me.”

“Yeah,” he said simply. It was all he could manage to say as her hand began to pump him firmly.

They moved in a natural rhythm...their movements in an unconscious tandem. Both their hands moved out of the way as Josh slid on top of her. The tip of his cock was pressed against her clit and he moved with short strokes to tease her.

“Please, Josh.” She all but whimpered it. “I don’t need the preliminaries, not this time. Take me, Josh. Take me now.”

When they’d come upstairs, Josh had expected their first time to be thorough and even...lazy. But leave it to Donna to surprise him. This frantic element almost seemed more appropriate. As if they wanted to grab on to each moment...revel in the life that their love making represented.

At her words, he gripped her hips and he drove into her with one hard, deep stroke. Donna gasped softly and Josh groaned from the pleasurable shock of it. 

“Yes, oh yes,” Donna said breathlessly. “So good.”

Beginning to move, Josh tried to retain some semblance of control, but given the fact that his body ached for completion inside her, his longer, slower thrusts, became hard and short very quickly until he was pounding into her.

Not that Donna minded. Far from it. A lot of the time when they made love they were slow and thorough. The rawness of their coupling now thrilled her. Arching her back, her head pressed deeper into the pillows and she let the sensation of him…possessing her, was the only way to describe it...wash over her. It was like he was marking her as his and she was letting him. In fact she was begging him to do it.

“Harder, Josh!” she hissed. “Fuck me harder!”

His own body screaming, he shifted his hands around to grab the headboard behind her and gripped it to give him leverage as he began really hammering into her. The rapid slap of flesh, the sound of their mutual grunts and moans and the squeak of the bed as it rocked under them filled his ears. It would probably be a miracle if the bed stayed in one piece.

Gripping his back to hold on, Donna’s body was on overload. Too much feeling...to much pleasure, as if her body and her spirit were bursting with it. When Josh had grabbed the headboard, it had changed his position slightly so he was hitting her clit with the full force of his body every time he slammed into her. It was glorious.

Josh knew her well enough now to feel the tightening in her body, the gathering it made as it got ready to take her over the edge into oblivion. That moment...the one just before she would implode under and around him, was always one of the most amazing moments they ever shared. That he could bring that to her astounded and pleased him to no end.

As a beautiful smile lit her face, she cried out his name and he felt her clench around him like a hot, wet fist. It was all he needed to have his own orgasm reach a flash point. Driving into her a final time, he buried himself deep and exploded inside her.

As his body and mind began to recover he found them both panting like horses at the end of a long race and clinging to each other desperately. Both their bodies were covered in fine sheen of sweat and the healthy smell of sweaty bodies and sex were thick in air. He shifted off of her but pulled her with him so her body was still flush with his.

“Just when…” Donna still panted. “…I think we…can’t…do that…any better…” She smiled at him. 

“I know,” Josh said still breathless as he held her. “Pretty cool, huh?” He sobered slightly and ran a gentle hand over her hip and butt where his fingers had dug into her skin. “And unless I miss my guess...you’re going to have some bruises tomorrow. Sorry about that.” He took a long deep breath to try and slow his breathing down. “I guess...I got a little...carried away.”

“As I recall I was the one saying ‘fuck me harder’ so I can hardly blame you for a couple of bruises.” She grinned. “ Plus it was SO worth it.” She ran a hand over his damp hair to try and smooth it back a little.

He continued to caress her hip softly. “I know...I guess I was thinking if you’re, you know, I should be a little more careful with you.”

It made her incredibly happy that he was beginning to bring up the idea of her possibly being pregnant in more casual conversation without her bringing it up first. She also loved the fact that he worried about her, but she didn’t want it to get out of hand.

Donna ran her hand lightly over his chest. “I’m not made of glass, Josh, not even if I’m pregnant,” she said gently. “I won’t break. Unless a doctor says differently, there’s no reason we can’t keep doing what we’ve been doing for the foreseeable future.” She chuckled. “Of course, we may have to get more inventive with positions and everything.”

Josh chuckled with her. “Well, you know how I like a challenge.”

Looking up at him, she smirked. “Speaking of challenges...” She slid her hand down to caress his sleepy cock.

Josh didn’t miss the look of hunger that had entered her eyes again and he gave a little snort. “What are you kidding me? I’m not a machine, you know.”

Continuing her lazy caress of his now reawakening flesh, she continued to smirk. “The events of last night and the last few days would seem to disagree with you, Joshua.”

Moving her head, she licked the closest nipple to her and then captured it lightly in her teeth making him jerk in response.

“Jesus, Donna, I don’t know how you...” 

Losing his train of thought from what she was doing, his voice trailed off as she continued to touch him. Her lazy caress had now moved to a more definite stroking. 

“How I what?” she asked unhurried in her ministrations. In the few minutes she’d been touching him, she was pleased to find he’d already begun to harden again in her palm.

Josh literally had to think a moment to find the answer. There simply wasn’t enough blood going to his brain to be able to give her a quick answer.

“How you make me...harder...faster...Oh, God, you have amazing hands...than I even was...even when I was in college,” he managed to grind out as her hand began to work on him more insistently.

She began trailing planting kisses across and down his chest as her hand continued its busy work. “I’m a woman of many talents.”

“No argument...uh...God...from me.”

He watched her with rapt fascination as she moved lower over his body. Her breath fanned over his skin and he couldn’t suppress a groan. Running a hand through her golden hair, he brushed it out of the way so he could watch her.

Donna ran her tongue along the long thin surgical scar that bisected his chest and followed it southward. She heard Josh’s breath quicken and felt his hand in her hair encouraging her on. Kissing her way over his stomach and abdomen, she removed her hand and let her mouth take control of him.

Starting at the spot where his balls and his cock came together, she slowly licked her way up his shaft. The lingering taste of her own juices and Josh’s cum on his skin from their earlier love making were intoxicating.

Instead of following his natural inclination, Josh had to force himself to keep his eyes open so he could continue to watch her. 

“Yeah,” he said roughly, then his ability for speech, anything besides her name that is, fled as she enveloped him in the wet heat of her mouth. 

He wished he could touch her more...intimately, but she was too far away. He had to settle for dragging a hand through her hair as he helped guide her motions.

Running her hands up his thighs and up to his stomach, she worked him only with her mouth, using her hands to caress his thighs and torso. Alternately taking each one of his balls in her mouth, she rolled them with her tongue making him gasp and his hips almost jerk up off the bed. Not forgetting to pay homage to his cock, she continued the pleasurable assault on his body until she heard him all but panting for her to put him out of his misery. However, as much as she wanted him hot and hard for her, she had other ideas about how to finish him off.

“Wha...?” Josh said with a sudden frown as Donna let him fall from her mouth.

“Patience is a virtue, Joshua,” she chuckled as she lifted her head and moved up his body.

Quickly, she threw her leg across his hips so she was straddling him. Sliding her hand between them, she started to thread him inside the heat of her body. When she was sure he was at least part way in, she slammed herself down on him so he was suddenly buried to the hilt inside her.

“Oh, God, Donna!” Josh choked out. 

With a grin, Donna mimicked his movements from earlier by reaching for the headboard behind him and grabbing onto it for leverage. Grinding her body into his, she began to rock her hips in long, hard, strokes.

Josh watched her ride him like a jockey in the home stretch and he lost the ability to speak. All he could manage to do was match her rhythm to thrust his hips up to meet her with a strangled and somewhat primal grunt.

Encased in silk and lace, her breasts bounced slightly as she rode him and through sheer force of will, he was able to lift his hands and palm each of them through the fabric. He would have tried to pull the front of it down a bit to see them unbound and maybe capture one of her nipples in his mouth, but she was moving a little fast and he was having a little too much fun watching her.

Instead, he sent one of his hands straying lower. If she was going to send him over the edge, then she was coming with him.

His fingers brushed at her folds but like a snake, one of her hands snapped out and grabbed his wrist.

“Ah, ah, ah,” she said with a smirk. “Not this time.”

Pausing for just a moment, she grabbed his other wrist and lifted both of his hands over his head, effectively pinning him to the bed as she held them down. The new position gave her enough leverage over him to pick up the fast rhythm again. Her face now hovered over his and she grinned as she continued to rock over him. Just to further torture him, she began to purposefully clench her inner muscles around him.

Josh felt his eyes nearly roll back in his head. His body felt like it would burst from the way she was making him feel. Wrapped around him like she was, she felt slick and hot and her inner muscles were pumping him like a fist. Not to mention the fact that once again, the way she’d taken control was almost maddeningly erotic.

“Oh, Don...na...” he breathed. “I...God...I’m going to...”

“It’s okay...” she said, knowing what he was going to say. Releasing his hands, she picked them up and placed them on her hips. “I want you to.”

That was all he needed to hear. Her words sent him over the edge and he felt his body begin to shred apart. Digging his fingers into her hips, he pulled her down and drove himself up into her once...twice...then one final time. Shouting her name, he exploded and emptied himself inside her.

Breathing heavily, his hands slid weakly from her hips and he lay there with his eyes closed. His body felt like it was drifting weightlessly and although he wasn’t the least bit sleepy, he didn’t remember ever being so relaxed and content.

With his softening cock still inside her, Donna continued to straddle him. She watched him with a soft, loving smile. It never ceased to amaze her when he lost control like that. To most people he was strong and arrogant and take charge and she loved it when he let her take over. The vulnerability it took for him to relinquish control touched something deep inside her.

Slowly, lovingly, she ran her hands up his chest and then across his shoulders and down his arms until their hands met. Automatically, his hands clasped hers and even with his eyes still closed she saw him smile with a somewhat blissful and goofy expression.

Moving off of him to snuggle into his side, she laughed softly. “See, you ARE a machine, Joshua.”

His smile became a smirk and his eyes opened. “Only because…I’ve got you…driving me,” he said still a little breathless.

They laid there quietly for a few minutes. Donna stroked her hand across his chest while she bracketed one of his legs between both of her stocking clad legs and rubbed it languidly. 

Now that he had blood going to his brain again, it occurred to him that it was Donna’s turn for a little...satisfaction. He was just about to make a few lewd suggestions on how that might be accomplished when she spoke first.

“I’ve got to go to the bathroom,” she said as she patted his chest.

“You okay?” he asked wanting to make sure she wasn’t feeling ill.

Leaning down, she kissed him slowly. “I’m fine,” she said when they broke apart. “I won’t be long.” Rolling away from him she climbed off the bed and headed across the room.

Josh had to suppress a groan. Even in the dim light from the single lamp, the view of her walking away hit him right in the groin. Wow. The stockings, the lace, her mostly bare back and shoulders, her ass that was bare except for the garters and swinging hips all had his body threatening to get hard again. 

The affect she had on him was unbelievable.

Nearly tumbling out of bed, he stretched to watch her for as long as possible but as she finally disappeared into the closet and presumably the bathroom, he laid back and grinned up at the ceiling. Maybe when she got back she’d let him play a little game called, ‘let’s find Donna’s G-spot.’

Distantly, although she’d closed the door, he heard the water turn on in the bathroom. He assumed she was washing her hands or brushing her teeth, but frowned a little in curiosity when the water kept running for longer than he expected.

She wouldn’t be taking a shower without him, would she? No it wasn’t possible. She couldn’t possibly deny him the delicious treat of stripping the silk and lace from her body. That would simply be criminal.

Hearing the water continue to run, he sat up in bed. What if she’d been brushing her teeth and fainted or something? From what he’d read, feeling light headed was not entirely unusual in pregnant women, especially in the early stages of pregnancy with the hormones flying. His worry wart radar went into overdrive. 

What if the water was still running because she was lying passed out on the bathroom floor?

Throwing his legs over the side of the bed, he was about to charge to the bathroom when he heard the water turn off. Letting out a sigh and grinning in relief, he ran a hand through his hair. He needed to keep a reign on his worrying or he was going to drive both of them crazy.

Just then he heard the bathroom door open.

“JOSH! Could you come in here a minute, please?” Donna yelled. 

She didn’t sound panicked or hurt, he reasoned, but that didn’t stop him from practically leaping off the bed and hurrying to the bathroom to see what was going on. Walking through the dark closet, he saw that the bathroom door was only cracked opened an inch or two. An odd light seemed to flicker through the crack and he wondered if the lights had stopped working or something.

“Donna?” he said cautiously pausing at the door.

“Come in, Josh,” she called.

Slowly Josh pushed open the door. “What’s the....matter...?” his voice drifted off as he stood gaping in the door way.

“Surprise,” she said sweetly.

The light he’d seen was the flickering candlelight coming from about a dozen white candles of various sizes that she’d lit and had sitting all around the room. Although she'd put her hair up in a messy little bun, she was still dressed in the lace corset and stockings and the candlelight made her look...luminous.

Then he realized why the water had been running so long.

She’d filled the oversized tub and had it brimming with bubbles. They too caught the candlelight and it made them look almost ethereal.

Even though he was pleasantly surprised she'd drawn a bath for them, and was intrigued by the idea of playing 'let's find the soap' with her, he also knew she still had a problem with the idea of taking a bath. In fact, to his knowledge, she hadn't taken one since the night at the lake. It occurred to him that she might be doing it all for him and while that touched him, he didn't want her doing anything that might upset her.

"Donna..." he began gently. "Are you sure? I mean, I know that you and baths...well, I know that's still a hard thing for you."

Tucking her slightly trembling hands behinds her, she smiled and hoped it was convincing. "Yes, I guess I just thought...I mean it seems like it's past time."

Slowly, he walked over to her and reaching behind her, took her hands in his. He knew she usually only put her hands behind her back when she was nervous, anxious or was hiding something in them.

"Then why are your hands shaking?" he asked gently. 

"I..." 

He frowned. "You're not just doing this for me, are you? Because you think that I'll think less of you if you don't?"

"No..." she began.

He spoke before she could say anything more. "Because I already think you're the bravest...most amazing woman I've ever known and nothing, especially whether or not you can take a bath will ever change that." 

Her heart felt so full she thought it would choke her. Knowing she couldn't lie to him, she stared at him for a long moment before answering.

"I'm not doing it for you, Josh, not just for you anyway. I guess I want to feel a little normal and do something as simple as taking a bath with my husband." Unconsciously, she chewed on her lip. "I want to do it Josh, I swear I do. I'll admit it does scare me a little. Just like the thing with the radio did. But I want to overcome it." She paused for a moment then softly added. "Besides, with you here it doesn't scare me so much."

He could see it meant a lot to her. Giving her hands a reassuring little squeeze, he gave her a smirk. "So does this mean we can play 'submarine captain'?"

Feeling a little relieved he wasn’t going to press her further about it, she grinned. "Well, I don't know...just how do you play 'submarine captain'?"

"You get to be the non-NATO country of your choice and I get to invade you with my submarine."

She laughed softly. "Hmmm...that sounds like a pretty lopsided competition. I mean you do have quite the submarine there, Joshua. I'm sure I'll be no match for you and your..." She glanced down at his already semi-erect cock. "...mighty torpedo."

“That’s the good thing about ‘submarine captain...’” he said with a smirk. “...in the end we both win.”

She gave him a lopsided grin. “Well, now you’ve...aroused...my curiosity.”

They both laughed for a moment, then he sobered. Glancing at the steaming tub, his eyes came back to meet hers. "You're really sure this is okay?"

"Yes," she said with a nod. "I'm sure."

"Okay, but if you want to stop at any time, just say the word."

"Thanks. I'll remember that." She gave him a coy smile. “Of course, there is the problem of my clothing. I mean I know you like this outfit, but it isn’t really suitable bathing attire.”

Josh stepped forward. “I think I can help you there. In fact...” He ran his hands over her shoulders. “...I’ve been just...itching to help.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Turn around.” 

Turning to face the wide bathroom mirror, she shivered slightly as she saw the golden shadow of him behind her and felt his breath on her shoulders and neck. At first, his hands only brushed, feather light over the fabric at her back, but didn’t actually do anything more. Knowing he was behind her, but not being able to see exactly where his hands were or what they were doing, sent a wave of anticipation through her. It left her a little breathless and she had to force herself to wait.

Rather than immediately unfastening the corset as she’d expected, she felt his hands trail down her back and over her ass, cupping both cheeks with just the right pressure to send another shiver through her. His hands moved down to the back of her thigh, caressing it softly, then his fingers unfastened the back garter and then slid around to undo the front until both straps dangled free.

His fingers then began to roll her stocking down, as they did, she felt him place small, soft kisses along her leg. Behind her knee, on her calf, at her ankle and on the delicate arch of her foot as he pulled the stocking off and tossed it over his shoulder. Taking his time, he repeated the process on her other thigh and stocking and then he stood up and swept his hands over her ass and then up her back again.

With maddening slowness and infinite care, she felt his fingers began to unhook the row of 12 hidden hooks that held the lacy confection together. All the way down, his fingers teased the newly exposed skin, making Donna almost weak with wanting him and feeling his touch on her skin.

Although the corset wasn’t especially tight, she knew the exact moment he’d freed the last clasp because she felt, then saw it slide away and her body was free. She heard the corset hit the floor with a very soft thud as Josh dropped it.

Josh continued to stand behind her. Their eyes met in the mirror and they stared at each other heatedly for a moment. He was so close to her, Donna could feel the heat of his body warming her skin. 

“So beautiful,” he murmured.

“Touch me, Josh,” she begged in a whisper as his breath continued to fan smoothly over her skin.

She didn’t feel him move but the next sensation was his erection pressing against her backside, followed by the sight of his lips dipping down to brush over her shoulder and neck. His hands followed suit as they swept over her shoulder blades and came around to caress the sides of her torso and then the curve of each breast. Watching him touch her in the mirror like that was almost painfully erotic.

As Josh stared at her reflection, he saw her eyes go fluid and heard her breath catch as he teased the edges of the rounded globes.

Continuing on their journey, his hands opened and expanded so they could fully cover each breast and he loved the way she arched against his hands and let out something between a little moan and a sigh. Her eyes dipped closed and her head dropped back onto his shoulder. 

As his hands stayed busy, his lips moved along the column of her throat, searching out any spot he’d missed on previous explorations. A smile touched his mouth when he found a spot just under the line of her jaw that made her whimper almost involuntarily. 

Donna’s body felt so good, it almost felt foreign, and yet in the oddest way it was like coming home. Even in their most innocent of moments, Josh’s hands had always known how to touch her. 

With her eyes closed she had to focus on just the feeling of his skin against hers, the sound of his breathing, the warmth of his breath on her skin, even the almost imperceptible guttering of the shimmering candles she’d set out. It increased the erotic element of the moment ten fold.

His hands closed over her breasts almost rhythmically, swirling and teasing and caressing them until Donna thought she would melt into the floor if it wasn’t for his hands pressing against her skin.

Josh continued to caress her, enjoying the little sounds of pleasure she was making as he touched her. His fingers turned to tweak her nipples the way he knew she liked.

“Oww,” she hissed, pulling away from him a bit.

Josh froze and moved his hands away from her breasts to rest lightly at her waist. “What? What’s wrong?”

Feeling a little foolish, she turned around to face him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, just tell me what’s wrong,” he said. “Did I hurt you?”

Still a little embarrassed, she crossed her arms loosely over her breasts. “I just…they’re a little...sensitive today.”

“You’re breasts?”

“Yeah, my nipples especially,” she clarified. “I think because I’m...you know.”

“Have they been hurting all this time?” he asked hoping he hadn’t been causing her pain.

“No, no. It’s kind of hard to explain. They haven’t hurt exactly, but when I woke up this morning they just felt more…sensitive is the only word I can think of. Everything that touches them just feels amplified. I swear they didn’t hurt until you pinched them a minute ago.”

“I didn’t know,” Josh said.

“I didn’t think to tell you. I had no idea that was going to hurt. Up until now, everything you did felt even better than it usually does.” 

He couldn’t help but smile a little at that. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” she insisted, then paused. “I swear I didn’t know it would hurt or I would have said something.”

He stared at her for a moment. “I’m still sorry,” he replied quietly.

“It’s not your fault, Josh,” Donna said with a little frustration. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” Turning away from the mirror, she leaned her butt against the edge of the bathroom counter and buried her face in her hands. “Oh, God, I’ve run us right into awkward moment number fourteen, haven’t I?”

Even though she couldn’t see it, he gave her a little smile. “Well, I don’t remember us having awkward moment numbers one through thirteen, but okay.”

She looked up at him. “It’s not funny, Josh. I’ve totally messed up our evening and ruined the mood.”

He hated that she still had her arms lightly crossed over her chest. It was clear she was embarrassed. He laid his hands on her arms in what he hoped she’d see as a comforting gesture.

“Donna…you didn’t ruin anything. It’s fine,” he said. “I just don’t like being the one that hurts you, even if it’s by accident.”

She felt herself blinking back sudden tears and didn’t know if they were because Josh was being really sweet or because she was mad that her own body was causing the problem in the first place. 

“Well, just to make the evening complete, now I’m going to cry,” she muttered, angry with herself. Lifting one of her hands, she tried rub away the tears.

“Hey, you don’t need to cry,” Josh said gently trying to soothe her. “Everything’s fine. You’re getting way too upset about this.” 

“But Josh…” she began.

His hands slid up from her arms to the back of her neck where he gently massaged a small ball of tension that had developed. “But nothing,” he murmured softly. “Just relax.”

Donna felt a wave of contentment rush over her and she heard herself moan.

Josh smiled in relief when a few moments later, her arms slowly dropped to her sides and she leaned forward to rest her forehead on his shoulder as he continued to rub her neck.

“That’s it’s, just relax,” he whispered.

It was an odd kind of dance. They stood there for the next few minutes, hardly touching…hardly moving. Most of the movement was from Josh’s hand rubbing her neck, his free hand stroking her arm and his mouth whispering endearments to her. It was an almost painfully intimate moment.

Donna wished she could somehow save the moment, wrap it up like a treasure to take out in the days ahead when they would no longer have the luxury of time or space or peace. But, of course, there was no way to save it so she tried to simply live in the now of the moment.

“I have an idea,” Josh said a few minutes later.

“Hmm?” Donna replied feeling like she’d grant him anything he asked right about then.

“If you’re still okay with the idea, why don’t we get in the nice tub you drew for us and I’ll give you a proper backrub,” he suggested.

Donna was so relaxed, it was hard to for her to work up much worry about taking a bath. Lifting her head, which wasn’t as easy as it sounded since it felt like her bones had liquefied, she smiled.

“I just hope the water isn’t too cold by now.”

He smiled back at the lazy and relaxed grin on her face. “If it is we can add more hot water,” he said easily. “Let’s see.”

Walking over to the huge tub, he stepped into it. “Not bad.” He sat down at one end. “Actually, I think it’s perfect. Warm, not scalding.” He grinned up at her suggestively. “Care to join me?”

Fear aside, she could hardly resist such an offer. “Well, when you put it like that…”

He held out his hand for her and she took it, but despite her earlier resolve, she ended up standing there for a long moment trying to work up the courage to step in.

Josh gave her hand a squeeze. “It’s okay, Donna, take your time.”

She looked at him, focusing on his face and on the safety she always felt when she was with him. Taking a deep breath she nodded and stepped into the tub.

With her back to him, she carefully sat down. The still-warm water enveloped her, and his legs curled around to nestle against her hips and thighs. Both things gave her a tremendous sense of well being. After she settled her back more tightly against his chest, she took another deep breath and tried to let the feeling replace her lingering anxiety.

Gently, Josh laid his wet hands on her shoulders. “You okay?”

Donna turned her head to answer him and caught the candlelight gleaming off his new wedding band. Rather than answering his question she picked up his hand and gently pulled it around where she could see it better. Running her fingertips over it, she studied it for a moment. 

“It looks good there,” she said quietly.

Resting his chin on her shoulder, he looked at their hands. “Yes, it does.” Reaching around her with his other hand, he took her left hand and held it so her rings were shining right next to his. “They both look good there.” 

Donna felt her throat close up at the sweet moment. She craned her head around to look at him. Josh took the invitation by leaning in and capturing her mouth in a long, deep kiss.

“Now...” he said when they’d pulled apart. “How about that back rub I promised before we both turn into waterlogged prunes?”

“I’d like that,” she said turning around to face forward again.

Moving his hands back over her shoulders, he began to give her a slow, thorough massage. He kneaded her skin methodically to try and relax her as much as possible. His efforts were rewarded when her body softened and went lax under his touch. 

“Can I ask you something?” he asked as he gently pressed his thumbs along her spine.

“When you...ohh...” she groaned. “...give me...ooo...a massage like this...God, that’s amazing...you can do...ahhhh...anything you want.”

He smiled as he continued to knead her back. “Okay, but please don’t smack me for asking this.”

“Oh...uhh...ahhhh...’kay,” she moaned the words rather than actually speaking them. He really did have magic hands.

“I was wondering, I didn’t know if I was imagining things or not but...” He stilled his hands and took a breath. “Have they gotten bigger?”

She frowned. “Have what gotten bigger?”

“Your breasts.”

To his surprise, she chuckled. “You know, I think they have, a little anyway. I mean it’s not like I’ve used a tape measure on them or anything.”

Now it was his turn to laugh. “Now there’s an image.”

“You know what, I mean.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said starting to rub her shoulders again, “But hey, if you do get out the tape measure just promise me that I can watch or better yet you’ll let me do the measuring.”

“Pervert,” she shot back with a grin as she resisted the urge to lightly elbow him in the stomach. “Anyway, I’ve always had decent sized breasts...”

“Donna, trust me when I say you have spectacular breasts,” Josh corrected.

“It’s nice to know you appreciate them,” she said running her fingernails lightly over his thighs. “Now, where was I? Oh, yes, but today I felt like I was one step from falling out of that corset and I know it wasn’t like that when I bought it last week.” 

“Well, it wasn’t noticeable in your dress. You looked beautiful,” he said. “I only noticed it when I saw you in the mirror earlier and was doing my best to seduce you.”

Half turning her head toward him, she lifted her wet hand and placed it on his cheek. “And you were doing a fine job.”

“I aim to please,” he said as his hands slid down to her lower back and began to massage it.

Leaning into his touch, she closed her eyes and let her head bob forward slightly. “It was really that noticeable?”

“Well, it wasn’t like I was thinking, ‘Wow look how big Donna’s breasts have gotten,’” he told her as he kneaded her lumbar region. “I just thought they seemed a little...fuller.” 

“You’re very observant these days, aren’t you, Joshua?”

“Why yes, I am,” he replied with a grin. “Especially when it comes to your body.”

“For which I am eternally grateful. Well...” she said with sigh. “I didn’t expect it to happen so soon, but I have a feeling this is just the beginning. If you like them now you should love them in a few months.”

His hands moved to her shoulders. “Actually, I loved them before,” he said kissing her shoulder. “And I love them now.”

Donna felt tears threaten to clog her throat again. Getting emotional because   
he said he loved her breasts made her feel a little stupid, but she couldn’t seem to help it. Swallowing the tears down, she managed to keep her voice steady. “Really? You like them?”

He frowned a little at the question in her voice and had the feeling that for some reason that baffled him, she needed a little reassurance. 

“No, I believe I said I love them,” he corrected. “What, did you not hear the part where I called them ‘spectacular’?”

“No...I did...” she said, trying to keep her emotions in check. “I just...I wanted to make sure that...that...you know, you weren’t just giving me lip service about them.”

With a little smile, he pressed his lips along her neck. “Hmmm, lip service, now that sounds fun.”

Donna heard herself giggle. “Josh...” she protested weakly as his lips tickled their way across her skin.

He continued to press light kisses along her shoulder and her giggles faded into silence and were replaced by a soft sigh.

“Can I touch them?” he said gently.

“Touch what?” she asked.

“Your breasts.”

The question surprised her and she frowned. “Of course, you can.”

“I just thought because they’re sensitive...” Now it was his turn to fumble a bit. “...maybe you wouldn’t want me too.”

“Put your hands on me, Josh.”

He hesitated. “You sure?”

Rather than trying give him a cute answer, she reached into the water and took his hands, which were resting on her waist and lifted them up. Without preamble she placed one on each of her breasts.

“You never have to ask to touch me,” she said softly.

With that, Josh knew the time for discussion was over. His hands began to move slowly and softly over her breasts, watching for signs of discomfort from her. All he heard was her little sighs that told him all was well. As she pressed herself more firmly against his hands, he got a little bolder. He cupped her and palmed them, then lightly kneaded them. 

When her nipples hardened to stiff peaks, he felt it right through to his groin. Wanting to squeeze them, but worrying it would be too much, he settled for drawing his fingernails back and forth over the tips.

Suddenly she gasped sharply and his hands stilled. “Did that hurt?”

Donna found herself breathing a little hard. “God, no, it felt amazing. In fact I think I just had a little orgasm.” 

Josh’s concerned face melted into a grin. “Well, maybe I’ll have to see what I can do to make it a ‘big’ orgasm.”

“You always were an overachiever.”

While one hand attended to her breasts, his other one began to slide southward. He put his mouth right next to her ear. “You know you love it.”

She felt his hand pause at the outer edge of her folds and toy delicately with the soft, warm flesh there.

Her breath began to quicken in anticipation. “It’s one of your...ohhhh.” Her voice locked up for a moment as his fingers dipped deeper to touch her clit. “...best traits,” she somehow managed to finish.

“Are you sensitive there too?” he whispered.

As a wave of feeling rolled over her, she laid her head back against his shoulder. “I’m always...sensitive there...where...oh, God...you’re concerned.”

“That’s what I thought.” Still grinning, his lips started moving against her neck again, concentrating on a spot that made her whimper almost involuntarily. The pleasure he saw rising in her had his own body going hard again. 

Given their positions, it was like he surrounded her, infusing her body with pleasure. With one of his hands busy with her breasts and the other working with a steady rhythm on her clit and his mouth doing obscene things to her neck it wasn’t long before her body was teetering on the brink again. 

“God, Josh. Please...” she muttered almost mindlessly as she squirmed slightly.

“Please what, Donna?” he teased.

“Pp...pl...please...don’t...God...stop,” she begged.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Shifting, he began to slip two fingers in and out of her and automatically she started grinding her clit against the heel of his hand. 

“Oh, yes,” she murmured as her head began to thrash restlessly on his shoulder. Water began to splash against the edges of the tub and came dangerously close to sloshing over.

“Come for me, Donna. Let me feel you come.”

His words went through her like a thunder clap. “Josh?...God...JOSH!!!” she cried as she was thrust over the edge and the orgasm exploded through her.

He continued to stroke her slowly as the orgasm had its way with her and she began to come down. When she lay limp in his arms, he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder.

“How you doin’ there, Mrs. Moss-Lyman?”

Smiling lazily she turned her head. “Couldn’t be better, Mr. Moss-Lyman,” she teased.

“Hey, I like the sound of that. I’ll have to have new business cards made up. Does this mean I’m a kept man now?”

“Yes, you’re my sex slave. You can put that on your business cards too.”

“I can think of no finer occupation.”

“Hmmm, speaking of which,” she said, wriggling her butt against the erection he’d gotten from feeling her come. “I seem to remember promising someone a game of ‘submarine commander.’”

He ran his hands over her shoulders. “Well, usually I’m not one to pass up a chance to play ‘submarine commander,’ but aren’t you going to be sore tomorrow if we do too much more?”

Unconcerned, she shrugged. “Maybe, a little, but I’m not quite ready to sleep yet and then there’s also the marathon honeymoon sex I promised you.” 

Pulling away slightly, she half turned her body in the tub so she could look at him more easily. 

“That is if your torpedo is loaded and ready for launch,” she told him. Her hand went down under the water between them and began to stroke his three-quarter erection into a raging hard on. 

Josh gasped at the feeling of her hand wrapped around him again. “Well...with you doing that...it’s feeling...recharged.”

“Good to know,” she said stroking him a little harder.

“Donna...God, that’s good,” he murmured. 

“Tell me what you want, Josh,” she said softly, as her hand continued its motions.

He looked at her with heavy lidded eyes. “I want to be inside you.”

She smiled. “I think that can be arranged.” 

Releasing her grip on him, she moved to the far side of the tub and moved two candles out of the way. Rising up on her knees, she leaned over the side of the tub. Gripping the edge for balance, she looked over her shoulder at him. 

“How’s this?” she said with a seductive little smile. 

Josh stared at her in awe. She was so beautiful. In the candlelight, the now tepid water glistened like diamonds on her skin. And the way she was presenting herself to him was something straight out of his fantasies.

“Perfect,” he said.

Hauling himself out of the water, he knelt behind her. Running his hands over the wet, smooth skin of her ass, he felt his body harden even further and hoped he could last long enough make it worthwhile for both of them. In any case, Donna wasn’t going to be the only one who was a little sore tomorrow. His knees were going to make him pay for kneeling in the tub like this. Of course, that wasn’t going to stop him.

Moving his hands down along the back of her inner thighs he opened her a bit wider and pressed the tip of his cock to her slick opening. When she pressed herself back against him, he took that as a sign she was ready. Slowly he slid into her depths and heard her sigh in contentment.

Now buried to the hilt inside her, he bent forward so that his chest was touching her back. 

“You’re amazing,” he whispered as his hands slid around to cup her breasts again.

Once again Donna had that feeling of being surrounded by him and the sense of completion it always brought her to have him inside her. “We’re amazing,” she murmured. “Now move, Josh, please move.”

He definitely didn’t need any more prompting and began to move in and out of her. Keeping his thrusts slow, he went for long and deep rather than fast. They’d done hard and fast earlier in the bedroom and he was ready for something else. And from the little mewling sounds Donna was beginning to make, she was too.

As he slowly continued to thrust into her, he was definitely touching her the right way. Something in her was building. Something deeper, stronger and indefinably different than anything else she’d felt with him before. It was a heady feeling.

“Oh, Jesus,” she gasped. “Josh...God, I think...ahhhh...you’re hitting...my g-spot.”

Josh’s body was on its own road to over loading, but he managed to smile at her words. He heard that this position was often one of the best for reaching a woman’s g-spot and he’d hoped that if he set a steady enough pace and was deep enough inside her, he could find hers. And although it had meant taking more time to love her and keep his own needs in check, he knew it would be worth it. 

“You okay?” he asked.

“God, yes,” she gasped.

Needing to feel his skin under her hands, she left one hand on the side of the tub for balance and reached back with the other one to almost frantically touch his hip as thrust into her.

Josh kept one hand on her hip for his own balance and kept the other one busy gently fondling her breasts. 

“Easy, Donna,” he whispered. 

“Oh my God...I’ve never had...never felt anything...like this...”

“Just feel it....”

The hand on her breasts slid down her belly to her mound still damp from their bath and from their evening’s activities. As his fingers slid into her dripping wet folds and found her clit, she jerked in his arms. 

Something felt like it was bursting, straining, even clawing to be released. “Josh...God...Oh, my God...!”

“Don’t fight it,” he said rubbing her clit a little harder with this thumb. “Let it come.”

“JOOOOSH!” she screamed as a blinding orgasm tore through her viciously. It was almost brutal in its intensity and she could form no more words as it stole her breath and nearly her ability to stay conscious. It continued to pound through her like a pile driver making her gasp and moan.

“That’s it, just let it happen,” Josh said as he slowed his thrusts and his touch on her clit to give her just enough continued stimulation. No easy feat when she was trembling and clenching around him like a throbbing fist. 

“God,” she choked with tears coming to her eyes. “I can’t...so much...God...never like this...”

Finally, very slowly, she felt her body begin to shut down and she couldn’t help, but lean forward to rest her elbows on the side of the tub as she took in huge gulps of air to try and control her breathing.

Watching her overload on the pleasure he’d given her had blown him away. It had taken all Josh had not to come earlier but now that she was done he knew it wouldn’t take long for him to join her.

“Hold on to something, Donna,” he ground out.

“’kay.”

Knowing what he meant, she had just enough strength left to press her chest against the side, lift her butt a little higher in the air and grip the porcelain in her hands.

Josh pulled almost all the way out of her and then drove himself home again. Three more thrusts like that, followed by three more short ones, and he came. Burying himself inside her, he called out her name and poured himself into the waiting receptacle of her body.

Managing to brace a hand on each side of her, he was able to not crush her as his body collapsed. His knees however had given up the fight and he slid back into the now cold water gracelessly, sending a small wave of water over the side of the tub.

Following his example, Donna sat back down in the water with him again and nestled her back against his chest as she wiped the dampness from her eyes. Neither of them bothered with words for a long moment. Resting against one side of the tub, Josh put his arms around her and held her close as they both tried to get their breathing back.

“That was the most...” Donna began. “I’ve never felt anything like that before.”

Josh let down her hair and ran his fingers through it lightly. “I was hoping you’d like that.”

“I definitely did. Thank you,” she replied.

“You’re welcome,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “Now, what do you say we get out of this cold water and go to bed?”

“Sounds good, but please tell me when you say ‘go to bed’ you mean to sleep?” Donna said. “‘Cause as much as I hate to admit this, I think I’m done for tonight.”

Josh chuckled. “That’s definitely what I meant. If you’re done for the night, I’ll probably be lucky if I can perform again for a couple of days.”

She smiled tiredly as she started to climb carefully out of the tub. “Somehow, I doubt that’s true. You have remarkable...recuperative powers.”

He grinned as he started to climb out too. “Only where you’re concerned.”

Grabbing three towels out of the linen closet Donna handed him one, dropped another one on the big wet spot that the water from the tub had left on the tile floor and started to dry herself off. They were both too tired to worry about putting clothes on and they half supported each other as they walked into the bedroom and slid into bed.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Donna said, rolling over to get something out of the night stand.

“What?” he asked her.

“I owe you this,” she said turning back to him and handing him what she’d taken out of the drawer.

“A twenty?” he asked looking at the bill. “What’s this for?”

She ran her hands lightly through his hair. “Do you remember the first night after the thing at the lake? It was the first night you and me started out on this crazy road trip?”

He frowned slightly but nodded. “Yes, I remember.”

“That first night we stopped outside of Cleveland and you took care of my blistered feet and all the new dings I’d gotten from my trek through the woods?”

“Right.”

“That’s the night you found out that I was scared of taking a bath because of what had happened out at the lake. Do you remember what you said to me?”

He watched her for a moment. “Vaguely. Something like you’d feel like taking a bath when you started feeling safe again.”

She nodded. “Yes, that’s exactly what you said. At the time I was skeptical to say the least. But you also made a little bet with me.”

“I did?” he asked with a frown. 

“Yes, you bet me $20 that within a month of us settling down somewhere, I’d be able to take a bath without breaking into a cold sweat.”

He was beginning to remember the discussion a little better. “Oh, that’s right, I guess I did.”

“And so, although I know we’ve been here longer than a month, I think it’s only fair that you win the bet.”

“Donna, it didn’t mean anything,” he said trying to give her the twenty back. “I was just trying to give you some hope.”

She took his hand but left the money in it. “You gave me so much more than hope, Josh. You gave me my life back.” She felt her throat closing up with unshed tears. “I trust you and feel safe with you and there’s no way I could have taken a bath tonight if it weren’t for you and all you’ve done to protect and take care of me.” She let out a breath. “So while it’s a priceless gift to me, I want you to take the twenty as a symbolic thank you for everything you’ve done.”

Deeply touched by her words and her gesture, he slid the money under his pillow and pulled her into his arms. “It’s nothing more than you have done or would do for me,” he said as he pulled her into a kiss.

When they finally broke apart, they laid back tangled comfortably together and were silent for a while. They were both on their way to drifting off when Josh spoke.

“You know, I think I’m going to like married life.”

Donna smiled sleepily. “That’s good, because you’re stuck with me.”

Pulling her closer, Josh just grinned and drifted off to sleep.


	34. Chances

Chapter 34

“Wake up sleepy head,” Josh said as he carried the tray into the bedroom. 

“Erg, ugh…snort…huh?” Donna said as she stirred, against her better judgment.

“Come on, wake up, it’s morning,” Josh said brightly.

Wearing the nightshirt she’d slid on the night before, Donna turned over and opened one eye enough to glare at him. “And why are you waking me up at the crack of dawn?” she asked in a voice rough with sleep.

“Because today’s the big day and by the way, it’s not the crack of dawn,” he corrected. “It’s almost 8 o’clock in the morning.”

Closing her eyes, she groaned and rolled over. “Go away, Josh.”

“I see someone’s a little cranky this morning.”

“Jooosh…” she whined rolling back toward him. “After dropping Sam at the airport and having our romantic dinner at Marchello’s, we didn’t get back from Phoenix until almost midnight. Then we celebrated having the house to ourselves again by making love and seeing how much noise we could make until about 1:30.”

Josh frowned in confusion. “Yeah, so?”

Donna resisted the urge to throw her pillow at him. “So….by getting me up at 8 in the morning you’re only going to have me working on about six and a half hours of sleep.”

“You used to work on a lot less when we worked at the White House,” he pointed out.

“That was then…” She yawned hugely. “And this is now.” Propping herself up on her elbows, she frowned. “Speaking of which, how long have YOU been up?” Usually she was the early riser and he was the one she had to pry out of bed.

“About an hour,” he told her.

She cocked her head at him. “Do we have some pressing engagement in our busy social calendar that I’ve forgotten about?”

“No, but…I mean...” he stumbled slightly. “Today’s the big day.”

The ‘big’ day he had just referred to was the day she was going to finally take the pregnancy test. They’d talked about her taking it while Sam was still there, but they wanted the moment when they found out to be a private one so they’d decided to wait until after he left.

If she didn’t feel so tired and nauseous, she would have noticed sooner how cute he looked. He was unnaturally bright eyed and eager and he was holding onto a breakfast tray like it would solve any problem. Seeing the tray made her think of food and although she couldn’t see or smell anything, even the thought of food make her already tipsy stomach roll dangerously.

She wanted to crawl back into the depths of the bedding, but he looked so excited that at that point it would have been kinder if she’d gone out and kicked some puppies.

“What’s that?” she asked suspiciously, referring to the tray.

“Just a little breakfast for you.”

Her stomach gave another roll and she tried to breath through her mouth to ease it. “Oh…that’s …nice.” She tried to swallow down another wave of nausea. “What, um...what did you make?” 

He smiled proudly. “You’re standard fare these days, just plain tea and one piece of toast, no butter.”

Even the tea and toast couldn’t keep her nausea from finally gaining the upper hand. “Oh, God.”

Bolting out of bed and past a startled Josh, Donna ran for the bathroom. Throwing herself down in front of the toilet, she went through the ritual of throwing up that had become such a part of her mornings.

It was not a ritual she was fond of. Then again, who was fond of being nauseous and throwing up? It was just something you had to get through. Luckily for her, it seemed like once she got past the first of the morning episode she was okay.

Sensing Josh behind her, she felt his hands gently pull back her hair. If there was one thing that made morning sickness bearable it was Josh's willingness to stay with her and hold her hair while she was sick. It was miserable enough without having to go through it alone.

There wasn't much in her stomach so it didn't take too long for her to finish. As had become their routine, Josh handed her a damp wash cloth and went to get her a glass of water to rinse her mouth with.

When she'd finished cleaning herself up a bit, he helped her stand up. He hated that she had to be sick every morning. 

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, but somehow I don't think we need a test to know I'm pregnant," she mumbled, still a little shaky.

He pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry you have to go through that."

Donna leaned into him. "It's okay. It's not your fault."

Josh couldn't help but chuckle as he breathed in the fresh scent of her hair. "Well, actually it is a little bit my fault."

She leaned back slightly to look at him and managed a little smile. "Using that criteria I sort of did this to myself, so you're forgiven."

"That's very magnanimous of you," he said with a grin.

Her smile got just a little bigger. "Well, it lets me off the hook too," she pointed out. "Now, I desperately need to brush my teeth."

Sliding out of his arms, she went over to the wide bathroom counter and pulled out the toothpaste and her toothbrush. She could also see that Josh had laid out both the pregnancy tests on the countertop. Studiously not making any comment about them, she started brushing her teeth.

As she brushed, Josh leaned on the counter. "So how are you really doing? Besides the throwing up, of course."

She spit a mouthful of toothpaste into the sink. "I'm still not feeling all that awake, but I'm doing okay."

"I'm sorry if the tea and toast sent your stomach over the edge,” he said apologetically. “I thought maybe they'd help settle it." 

After being sure to brush her tongue, she rinsed with a mouthful of water and wiped her face on the towel he handed her. "You have nothing to be sorry for Josh, stop apologizing," she told him as she hung up the towel. Walking back over to him, she laid her hand on his cheek. "Actually it was very thoughtful." Leaning in she kissed him lightly on the lips.

“That’s me, Mr. Thoughtful,” he said with a little smirk as he kissed her back softly.

She patted his cheek. “Good, then you won’t take this the wrong way when I say, get out.”

“What...why?”

“Because I have to do the thing now,” she answered.

“Well, go ahead. I want to be here while you do it.”

“No. You can be here for the test results, but first I have to do the other thing and for that you have to go in the other room,” she said.

Josh was completely confused by then. “What?”

She decided just to be blunt. “To take the test, I have to pee and I’m sorry, but we’re not at the place where I can pee in front of you yet. I’m sure that day will come but it’s not today.”

“But...” he protested. “I want to be here for the whole process. Even the pee in a cup thing.”

“Well, as I recall from the package directions I read, for both these tests it’s actually a pee on the stick thing, but that’s beside the point.”

“Ah, I knew we’d be getting to a point somewhere,” he teased.

She ignored his comment. “As soon as I get done peeing you can come back,” she promised. “But if I have to try and do it with you watching it’s not going to work. Women don’t have quite the ability to aim the way men do and it takes a little more concentration when we try. If you’re watching me, it’s going to be hard to concentrate.”

Josh grinned at the slight absurdity of their conversation. “It’s like I’m getting a whole new insight into the female species.

She turned him toward the door. “I’m glad it’s been educational, now shut up and get out so I can pee.”

“Oooo, so bossy.” She shot him a glare. “Okay, okay,” he said managing to give her a quick buzz on the cheek before she shoved him out the door. “Pee fast,” he called as he took up his position outside the bathroom door that she’d closed behind him.

“YEAH ‘CAUSE SAYING STUFF LIKE THAT IS GONNA HELP!” she yelled back at him through the closed door.

Despite the fact that Donna was clearly not in the best of moods, something which he attributed to her morning sickness, Josh grinned as he paced around the confines of the walk-in closet. Today was the day they would finally confirm their suspicions and he was all but itchy with anticipation. 

He paused at the door. “You almost done in there?” 

“Again, NOT helping!” she yelled back.

Making a conscious effort to bite his tongue until she was ready, he continued to pace the closet. When he heard the toilet flush, it was all he could do not to burst back into the bathroom. When she finally did open the door, he nearly leapt inside.

“All done?” 

Donna walked to the sink and washed her hands. “Set your watch for three minutes.”

Josh adjusted his watch. “Okay, but why?”

“That’s when we’ll know the results,” she said calmly.

“Three minutes? That’s all it takes?!” Josh exclaimed.

“Yes. I took both tests,” she replied. “And they each take three minutes to develop.”

He was beginning to notice that there was an oddly flat tone in her voice. Was it possible there was more to her mood than morning sickness and being tired?

“How will we know what the results are?” he asked carefully watching her to gauge her response.

She pointed down at one of the two white sticks lying flat on the bathroom counter. “This one will have a plus sign if I’m pregnant or a minus sign if I’m not. The other one will have two lines if I am, one line if I’m not.”

He heard the flat tone in her voice again and now it was really beginning to concern him. Even though she’d been a little scared at first, of the two of them, she’d been the one that had been most excited at the prospect of her being pregnant.

“I’m going to make the bed and get dressed,” she said. Without further comment, she walked out of the bathroom.

With a hard, hollow feeling in his stomach, he followed her into the bedroom and gave her a long look as she started to make the bed. 

“Donna? What’s wrong?” he asked quietly.

She paused for a moment and then continued making the bed. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said.

It hadn’t escaped Josh’s notice that she hadn’t looked at him when she said it. “Donna, come on...” he coaxed. “It’s obvious, you’re not overly excited about taking the test.”

Donna stiffened and then she did look at him. For a moment, she thought about trying to argue with him, but he was right and she knew it. The fact that she’d heard no animosity in his voice gave her the encouragement to be honest.

“Oh, Josh,” she said sitting down heavily on the side of the bed and scrubbing her hands over her face. “It’s not that simple.”

He slowly walked to the end of the bed and stood there watching her. “What isn’t that simple?”

Looking up at him, her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “Being excited or not excited,” she said. “And for the record, I am excited, in fact part of me is thrilled.”

He felt the cold ball in the pit of his stomach ease just a bit. “And the other part?”

“Overwhelmed and terrified.”

Frowning, he sat down next to her on the bed. “Why?”

“Why?” she said with a little disbelieving laugh as she got up and paced away from him. “We’re in the middle of this mess with Stone and whoever he works for and although we found a really nice hole to hide in, we’re still both in danger and are on the run for our lives. Being pregnant is going to slow me down and as time goes by it’s going to slow me down a LOT. I’m going to be a liability to you.”

Josh’s answer was swift. “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that.” He took her hands in his. “You’re not a liability. You just need to trust me and Mike to keep you safe until this thing with Stone gets worked out. You and I will also redouble our efforts to be careful and not give away our location. We’ve done a pretty good job of it so far.”

“But Isn’t that going to be hard now that I’m going to have to start going to the doctor on a regular basis?” she argued as a slightly stricken look flashed over her face. “Oh, God, Josh, how are we going to pay all the doctor bills? And what if I have the baby before we go back to D.C.? Neither of us has insurance. It will cost a fortune.”

Josh gave her hands a squeeze. “I’m already working on that. I talked to Sam about it and he and Mike are going to put their heads together to see if they can come up with some insurance for us that won’t give away our identities.”

She wanted to let his words soothe away all her doubts, but this was too important and there was more to her concerns than just running from Stone and lack of insurance.

“Josh…” she began quietly. She hated to bring up her next argument.

Of course, at that exact moment, the alarm on his watch chose to go off. The two of them jumped slightly at the sound and after Josh switched it off, they both stood there silently. 

“You know there’s still a possibility the results will be negative,” he said trying to help.

Although she knew he was trying to be kind she couldn’t find it in her to deny the obvious. “Then how do you explain my morning meetings with the porcelain god?” she asked. “Food poisoning? Or maybe a really long bout of the flu that only affects me in the morning?”

Josh sighed. “No, I suppose not.”

“I appreciate the thought, Josh, but we both know what the tests are going to say.” 

“Yeah, I know,” he conceded. Still holding onto her hand, he stared at her wedding ring for a moment, then shifted to look at her squarely. “But Donna, no matter what the tests say, I need you to promise me that you’ll remember we’re in this together and that’s the way it’s going to stay.”

Her hormones and his words made fresh tears well in her eyes. “I promise,” she whispered.

“Oh, now, come on, you can do better than that,” he teased lightly. “Make me believe it.”

Donna let out a breath and cleared her throat. “I promise,” she said firmly with a little nod.

“That’s better. Now come on, let’s go see what we’re up against.”

Still holding hands, the two of them walked back to the bathroom. Stopping in, front of the counter, they both looked down at the tests.

A plus sign and two lines stared back at them.

Josh picked up one of the sticks and was staring at it intently “Well, it would seem that we’re going to be parents.” 

Donna blinked back tears. Tears that, despite all her worries and fears, she was surprised to realize were happy. “I guess we are at that,” she said with a quiet smile.

Setting the test down, he pulled her into his arms for a hug. “So are you feeling better about this now?”

With a sigh, she pulled back to look at him. “Yeah, I am.”

He brushed some hair back from her face. “Again, not a very convincing answer.”

“No, I am, really,” she said sliding out of his arms and walking over to one of the large bathroom windows. “I…it’s just that…” Her voice trailed off as she stared out at the hills just beyond the house.

“Go ahead,” he encouraged. “I want to hear everything you have to say.”

Letting out a little breath, she turned to face him. “Josh, under the big blue sky and in each other’s eyes, we’re married,” she began. “But not in the eyes of the law. It’s neither of our faults and it certainly isn’t that way by choice, but it is the truth. ” She paused a moment. “What happens if I have this baby before we go back to D.C.? I mean what last names would we put on the birth certificate? If we can’t get married using our own names how can we have a baby?”

“I see your point, but this baby is coming whether or not things get resolved beforehand.” Josh let out a sigh. “And right now I don’t have the answer.” He ran a hand through is hair. “I guess we’ll just have to work on that.”

Donna’s hands fluttered a bit nervously. “I also don’t want people thinking that you had to or will have to marry me because I went and got myself knocked up…”

Josh’s didn’t wait a beat before answering. Coming forward, he took her shoulders firmly in his hands. “Donna, WE know that’s not true and no one who knows us…no one who matters, will think that either. According to Sam and what a lot of our friends in D.C. said in their notes to us, it’s more a case of people thinking what the hell took us so long. So stop thinking that way. As for our legal status as husband and wife, I swear that will be something we will remedy just as soon as humanly possible.”

“You’re right, Josh, our friends will know. They’ll understand. But what about everyone else in D.C.? And the press? You know how they love a good scandal. Or political enemies, like Mary Marsh and half of Congress that would love to see you taken down a peg or two? They won’t understand and if they did they’d still use it against you.” 

“I don’t care.”

“Oh, Josh, of course you care. Or if you don’t care now you will when the time comes,” she countered. “Maybe it won’t bother you when they call you a leach or something for sleeping with your young blonde assistant, but what are you going to say when they start calling me a whore and accuse me of sleeping my way into the White House?”

“I…” Josh began.

She went on before he could say anything else. “At best you’ll want to crush them and at worst you’ll want to personally beat the crap out of them.”

“Damn right I will.”

“And as much as I appreciate you defending me, that will only make things worse.”

“It won’t happen like that,” Josh said trying to get through to her. 

“And what happens when you start resenting me?” she said very quietly.

Stunned, he stood there speechless for a moment. “How could you think I would ever resent you?”

“Josh, you were born for politics. It’s in your blood.”

“Okay, I won’t deny that,” he replied. “But what does that have to do with…”

“I don’t want me or this baby to hurt you or your career. I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize that you resent me...resent us for costing you something you love so much.”

He tugged on his hair and laughed in frustration. “Can’t you see by now that what I love most is you and this baby?! I could never, ever resent either of you. If it affects my career, it affects my career.” He laid his hands on her shoulders again and gave them a firm squeeze. “But at this point I’m more concerned with what affects my LIFE.”

He paced away from her, then turned. “Donna, politics is my job, granted a job that I get an enormous amount of satisfaction from, but you and this baby are my future.”

Touched by his words, a tear rolled down her cheek as she looked at him. “I just thought...maybe, after I testify, I could go away. I could stay with Sam in California until the baby is born.”

“If you want to go to California, fine,” he said calmly. “But not unless I come with you. I want to be with you during every step of this pregnancy and beyond.”

“I know you do, Josh, but maybe it would be for the best if I went. We could tell people that I was pregnant before I left D.C. or that I had a fling with someone while I was on the run.” 

“OH, NO WE CAN’T,” he yelled in disbelief. “You’re MY wife and that’s MY baby and I want to shout it from the roof tops.”

“But…”

“No, buts. I know what you’re doing, you’re trying to be noble, but you know you’re not the only one who can be noble, although in this case that’s not what I’m doing. I love you and I love this baby, nobility has very little to do with it.”

“Your job…” she tried.

He didn’t give her the chance to finish. “As you recall I don’t HAVE a job anymore and even if I did, it doesn’t matter!”

His words seemed to be finally penetrating her brain. “Really?”

The acceptance in her voice had relief flooding through him. “Yes! Really!”

Trying to pick her words carefully, she stared at him for a long moment, sorry that she’d upset him. “I never meant to make you mad, Josh. I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m just trying to be honest about what I’m feeling. I know we haven’t always been good at really talking about what’s going on between us, but this baby…well, it’s too important to just let it slide.”

Blowing out a breath, Josh felt himself calm down. “You’re right, it IS too important and I’m glad you told me.” He took hold of her hand. “I just don’t ever want you to think of yourself as less than the amazing woman you are.“

Donna felt herself melting inside. “You’ve gotten pretty good at this sharing thing, Joshua.”

He smiled. “I do what I can. Now, is there anything else you want to get off your chest? Any other worries?” When she stared at him for a long moment, he knew the answer. “There is, isn’t there?”

“Just one more thing,” she confessed.

“What is it?”

“What if I’m a terrible mother?” she said tearfully voicing her biggest fear out loud. 

Despite her renewed tears, he couldn’t keep himself from chuckling as he pulled her into his arms. “Donna, trust me when I say that of the two of us, you’re going to be a natural when it comes to parenthood.”

Pressing her face to his neck, she held him tightly. “You really think so?”

“Are you kidding? With your intelligence and organization and humor? Not to mention the fact that you’ve kept me in line all these years. After me, a kid should be a walk in the park for you.”

Sniffing, she couldn’t help but smile a little as his comment. “Well, that’s true.”

“Hey!” he said pulling back to look at her. “You didn’t have to agree so easily, you know.”

She smiled through the tears that were trailing down her face. “You did leave yourself wide open there, Joshua.”

“Fair point,” he conceded with a grin. “Now, please don’t cry. You can’t fall apart on me now, I’m hoping you’re going to show me the ropes. You know how clueless I can be.”

She swiped at her tears and gave a little laugh. “Yeah, because I know all there is to know about pregnancy, breast feeding, changing diapers, potty training, and how to make sure your child doesn’t become a serial killer. Talk about the blind leading the blind.”

He looked at her with an unreadable expression for a moment. “No, but you’re caring and loving and you do know all there is to know about being a good person and wanting to make the world a better place. Those qualifications sound good enough to me,” he said earnestly. “And I know for a fact that you’ve made me a better person. Any child of yours is going to be amazing.”

“Okay, if you don’t want me to cry you have to stop staying things like that,” Donna said with a sniff.

“Well, I guess happy tears are okay,” he replied with a smile.

Donna stood there quietly as various thoughts tumbled through her mind. “Josh, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“How do you feel about being a father?”

He considered that. “Scared and excited and hoping you’re going to give me a lot of help.”

It made her feel better that he was scared too. “I’ll see what I can do,” she said.

They both shared a smile for a moment, then he laid his hand on her cheek. “It’s going to be okay, Donna, I have no idea why I feel that so strongly, but I do. Whatever we don’t know, we’ll learn together.” He let out a breath. “It’s like that story you told me once about Fish Hook McCarthy. We’ve got health and strength...”

“And we’ll steal the rest?” she finished.

Josh grinned. “You bet your ass.” 

**********  
Two weeks later...

Josh took a look around the small, but cheerily decorated waiting room. They’d had to drive all the way back into Show Low to find a obstetrician that would take their new insurance and it was their first visit. Luckily, Mike got them insurance that didn’t seem to care about pre-exiting conditions like Donna’s pregnancy.

Josh would be lying if he said he wasn’t just a little bit nervous. He felt a little like he was getting ready to enter the women’s inner sanctum or something. Plus in the back of his mind, he was worried that the doctor might find something wrong with Donna or the baby.

Besides him and Donna, two other women, both obviously very pregnant, occupied the room. Seeing them made him try to picture Donna when she too would be in the ‘very’ pregnant stage. It was an image he liked and found oddly comforting.

Shaking himself, he turned to look at her. “You know I never did ask if you wanted me to come in with you.”

“Come with me where?” Donna asked as she continued to fill out the medical forms.

“Into the exam room,” he said. “I mean, I want to come with you, but I didn’t know if it fell into one of those ‘women only’ or ‘it’s too weird for you’ things. You know, like peeing when I’m in the room did.”

Donna resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she looked over at him. “Josh…of course I assumed you’d come in with me. It will be a little weird at first, but this is your baby too so I’ll get over it. After all, you are going to be in the delivery room with me.” She narrowed her gaze slightly. “You are going to be in the delivery room with me, aren’t you?”

“Of course, I am!” Josh replied loudly, making the other two women look up from their magazines momentarily. He dropped his voice. “Of course, I am,” he repeated.

Given his squeamishness over things like blood and bodily fluids she was still a little worried. “Really? I mean, are you sure? ‘Cause now’s the time to say something if don’t want to go into the exam room and if you don’t want to be in the delivery room.”

“No, I swear, I wasn’t trying to get out of either one,” he told her. “Wild horses and, you know fainting at the sight of blood, are not going to keep me from seeing my own child born. As for today, actually I think it will be kind of interesting to see what goes on at the gynecologist.”

“In this case, it’s more the obstetrician than the gynecologist,” she clarified. “But then again, I suppose at this stage it’s about the same thing.”

“Well, anyway, what I mean is that to most men this kind of thing is a complete mystery. It’s really kind of cool that I get to see it.”

“Oh, yeah, it will be as cool as all get out,” Donna muttered sarcastically. “Especially when she starts the pelvic exam.”

“Pelvic exam?” Josh asked.

“Yes, Josh, according the book, one of the things they do at the first obstetric appointment is a pelvic exam.”

“What does that involve? I mean do they press on your stomach and abdomen or what?”

“No, Josh, it’s an ‘internal’ pelvic exam. They don’t have Superman’s x-ray vision so the have to see what’s going on inside the old fashioned way.”

“That sounds kind of invasive, will this be the first time you’ve had one?”

Donna gave him a bemused smile as she went back to filling out the seemingly endless forms. “No, it’s nothing new to me. They give you one during most routine gynecologist check-ups too.” 

For some reason, he suddenly realized that the doctor would be getting up close and personal with Donna’s ‘parts.’ “This is a woman doctor you’re seeing, right?”

“Yes, I prefer a female OB/GYN,” she said absently as she filled in her medical history.

“Good, because I don’t think I like the idea of another man checking under your hood,” he commented.

Donna turned her head to give him a sideways look. “And why is that?”

Josh suddenly realized he might have said a tad too much and he had to resist the urge to fidget. “Well, I mean…you know, I should be the only guy looking around down there.”

She had to restrain herself from smacking him in the head with her clipboard. “Josh, let me ask you something. Just how sexy do you find having a doctor give you a rectal exam to check your prostate?”

Remembering that particular experience made him squirm uncomfortably and the light bulb suddenly went on for him. “Not sexy at all, in fact I’d say it’s anti-sexy, about as anti-sexy as you can get. I usually try to think I’m somewhere else, doing something else and hoping it gets over as quickly as humanly possible.”

“Welcome to every woman’s trip to the gynecologist,” she said as she finished up the last of the forms. “So even if it was a male doctor performing my pelvic exam it’s not like you’d have to worry about competition or something.”

“Point taken,” he replied. “But if it’s so unpleasant why do you prefer to have a woman doctor?” he asked. “I mean why should it matter if it’s a man or woman?”

She thought for a moment before answering. “Well, I guess it’s because I think another woman has a better understanding and empathy for what’s going on...down there. And although a lot of women have no problem with it, to be honest, it creeps me out just a little bit to have a man, doctor or not, poking around in that particular part of my anatomy.”

Josh was unable to squash the smug look that had taken up position on his face. “Except for me, of course.”

“Well, I don’t think I’d even want you poking around down there under those kind of circumstances, but yes, normally you would be the exception,” she said patting him on the knee. “Besides, as I recall your regular doctor at home is a man. Would you want a woman doctor performing your prostate exam?”

Josh shrugged noncommittally. “I’d be okay with it.”

Donna stared at him dubiously.

“Okay, okay,” he conceded. “Yes, it would creep me out, too.”

Just then a young, fresh faced nurse opened the waiting room door. “Mary Kendall?”

It took Donna half a second to remember that was the new I.D. that Mike had set up the insurance under. “Yes,” she said rising from her chair.

“Follow me, please. Mr. Kendall you can come along if you’d like.”

“Here are the forms,” Donna told her as she handed the clip board to her.

“Thank you. I’ll add them to your file.”

She led them down a short hall to a small exam room with a standard exam table set up in the middle, what looked like an ultrasound machine on a cart against the wall and a sink and a small set of cabinets holding what Donna assumed were supplies in the far corner.

The nurse took Donna’s temperature and her blood pressure and after jotting down the results in the file, she turned back to them.

“Go ahead and disrobe. On the table, there’s a paper top to put on that opens in the front and use the drape to cover your lower half,” the nurse instructed. “Then have a seat on the exam table and the doctor should be along in a few minutes.”

“Thank you,” Donna said as the nurse left and closed the door behind her.

Donna set her purse on one of two visitor chairs that took up the extra space in the room. Turning to Josh, she stared at him for a minute as he plopped down in the other chair.

“What?” he asked. 

“You need to turn around.”

“What? Why?”

“So I can undress.”

Josh frowned in utter confusion. “Why do I have to turn around for that?”

Donna fidgeted a little. “Because there will be nakedness and if I tell you to close your eyes I don’t trust you not to peek.”

“Okay, but you didn’t really answer my question. Why can’t I see you naked?”

“Because it’s one of those weird things again,” she confessed.

Josh broke into a laugh. “Donna, I see you naked all the time now,” he pointed out. “It’s one of the perks of being the boyfriend/husband. One of my personal favorites as a matter of fact.”

“But that’s in the bedroom or the house. This is different. This is at the, you know, doctor’s.”

He was still chuckling at the idea. “How is it different?”

“I…because…” she stumbled. “I don’t know, it just is.” 

“Donna…!” he said in disbelief now that he saw she was perfectly serious.

Pulling out all the stops, she put on her best pouty face. “Please, Josh? If you do, I promise to get naked for you again later,” she promised.

“Yeah, because I wouldn’t have managed to get you naked again later anyway,” he grumbled.

“Did I mention that sex would be involved with the nakedness?” she tried hopefully.

“Again, I refer you to my previous statement.” 

“Josh…” her voice taking on a note of pleading. “Please.”

As silly as her request was, he really couldn’t deny her when she asked like that. 

“Okay,” he said as he stood up with a heavy sigh and turned around to stare at the blank wall. “But I’d better get some major brownie points for this.”

“I swear Josh, you get huge points for this,” she said smiling broadly as she quickly started to undress. “In fact, when we get home I’ll show you just exactly how much I appreciate it.”

Hearing the rustle of fabric as she undressed, he couldn’t suppress a smirk. “Do I get to choose the method you use to show your appreciation?” he asked.

She reached for the paper top and grinned. “I think that might be arranged.”

“Well, then I guess it’s worth it,” he replied still smirking.

Climbing up on the exam table Donna spread the drape over her lap. “Okay, all ready.”

Josh turned to look at her. “Oooooo, very stylish.”

Donna gave him a mini glare. “Yeah, I feel so sexy right now,” she quipped. 

Both of them grinned at that, but were kept from making any further comments by a knock on the door. A second later, the door opened and a petite brunette with very short hair and kind eyes stepped into the room.

“Mr. and Mrs. Kendall? I’m Dr. Evers.”

“I’m Jonathan Kendall,” Josh said extending his hand to shake hers.

“And I’m Mary Kendall,” Donna said shaking her hand when she and Josh had finished. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” Dr. Evers said as she settled herself on a small rolling stool. 

The doctor opened Donna’s file. “Let me just look at your file,” she said absently as she scanned it for a few moments then she looked up at them with a smile. “Okay, so…you think you’re pregnant.”

“That’s right,” Donna said. “I’ve been sick in the morning for the last few weeks and so I took two pregnancy tests a couple of weeks ago and they were both positive.”

Dr. Evers nodded as she made some notes in Donna’s file. “Can I ask why you waited so long before coming in to see me?” she asked curiously. 

“Well, it’s a little complicated,” Donna told her.

Josh jumped in. “Mostly, it’s because of a problem with our insurance.” 

It was a true enough statement. Between the time that it took for Sam to get back to Mike and tell him they needed insurance and Mike could put it together and send it to them and they could get into Phoenix to pick it up, it had been quite the complicated and time consuming process.

“A problem that has now been resolved,” Donna said.

“Is there a money concern?” Dr. Evers asked. “Because Arizona does have programs for low income mothers to get free prenatal care.”

“No, it’s all taken care of now,” Josh assured her.

“Well, if it does become an issue, please let me know, we can work around any situation.”

“Thank you, Doctor, we appreciate that,” Donna told her.

That seemed to satisfy Dr. Evers and she looked back down at Donna’s file. “And you think that conception occurred in early to mid-May?”

“That’s correct,” Donna answered.

“And your last period was mid-April?”

“Right. But I’ve always had irregular periods so at first I didn’t think much about being late.” She glanced at Josh. Her last period had been just before Amy had been murdered. “Plus, a lot’s been going on in my life so I also thought my late period could have been due to stress.”

The doctor nodded. “So this is your first pregnancy?” 

“Yes,” Donna replied with a nod.

“So, how’s the morning sickness been?” Dr. Evers asked next.

Donna made a face. “Unpleasant.”

The young doctor laughed. “I remember those days. I know when I had my son, I was thrilled to get out of my first trimester just so I could eat again. Has it been unbearable or debilitating?”

“No,” Donna told her. “Usually it’s just first thing in the morning and then once I throw up I’m able to get down some tea and toast and my stomach settles down.“

“Well, that’s not too bad then. Some other things you might try for morning sickness are saltine crackers and pretzels, but use them in moderation since they can be high in salt. Also a good rule of thumb for morning sickness is don’t let your stomach get too empty or too full. Try eating a light snack before bed. Maybe cereal or bread.”

“Thanks, I’ll remember that,” Donna replied.

“Have you had any pain, discomfort or spotting?”

“Some breast tenderness, but otherwise just the morning sickness,” Donna answered.

“Fatigue or mood swings?”

“Maybe I should let Jonathan answer that,” Donna said with teasing grin. “He’s the one that’s had to put up with me.”

“Well, what about it, Dad?” Dr. Evers added.

Josh decided to choose his words carefully so he didn’t wind up in the dog house with Donna. “Um…D…Mary is usually quite a morning person but I noticed that she’s been sleeping later in the morning and she tends to be a little crankier when she first gets up. She also seems to cry more easily.”

Expecting her to be giving him a dirty look, Josh looked at Donna but was pleased to see she was watching him with a rather endearing smile. “Oh, and she was never much for naps before but more and more she’s been taking one in the afternoon,” he added.

Dr. Evers nodded and made some more notes. “All very normal. Hormone levels are higher now so fatigue and mood swings are very common.” She looked at Donna. “Any sleep you can get is good. Sleep whenever you can. I think you’ll find that you’ll be the most tired during your first trimester and the latter part of your third. That’s when the stresses and changes your body is making are the highest.” She waited until her patients both nodded in understanding. “So do either of you have any questions before I begin the physical exam?“

“No, I don’t think so,” Donna replied. “You’ve been very thorough.”

“Wait, I have a question,” Josh interrupted.

“Sure, what is it?” Dr. Evers asked.

Josh quickly glanced at Donna and then back to the doctor. “Do we have any...restrictions?”

Dr. Evers frowned. “Restrictions? What kind of restrictions?”

He squirmed just a little and was glad he was just out of Donna’s reach. “You know...on sex.”

“Oh, Jo....Jonathan!!!” Donna exclaimed in mortification.

“It’s a valid question!” Josh replied.

The doctor chuckled. “Actually you should feel lucky, Mary, some men lose sexual interest in their wives during pregnancy. They get a kind of Madonna Complex and have a hard time reconciling the wife from the expectant mother.

“Yeah, he doesn’t have that problem,” Donna remarked.

Josh smirked. “You got that right.”

“Well, nothing I’ve seen so far would indicate you need to abstain from sex. If my opinion about that changes during the rest of the exam I’ll let you know,” she told them. “My only suggestion would be to stay away from anything too rough or physically challenging.” She grinned. “Actually you might have fun with it. This is a good reason to try out the different positions that you might need later in her pregnancy.”

His smirk got wider. “I think that’s doable.”

“But let me warn you about one thing, Mr. Kendall. Your wife might not always feel like having sex, especially in this first trimester. The hormones and morning sickness and fatigue can play havoc with her sex drive. So you need to be sensitive to that.”

Sobering a bit, Josh looked at Donna. “If that happens, I’m sure that I’ll be able to find other ways to show her how much I love her.”

Donna’s heart melted into a big puddle and she gave him a smile. Suddenly, she didn’t mind that he’d brought up the sex question.

“That’s what I like to hear,” Dr. Evers said. “Now Mary why don’t you lie back and we’ll get started,” she said as she pulled on a pair of latex gloves.

At Donna’s request, Josh moved his chair up by her head and he held her hand while Dr. Evers went through the physical exam. When they got to the pelvic exam portion, he noticed that Donna seemed almost unnaturally quiet unless the doctor asked her a direct question.

“You okay?” he asked gently.

Turning her head slightly she gave him a smile, but he sensed it was a bit forced and more for his benefit than anything else.

“Yes, I’m okay,” she replied softly.

“Almost done, Mary,” the doctor said. “I know it’s a little uncomfortable but you’re doing great.”

A few moments later, the doctor sat back and stripped off her gloves. “Okay, all finished.”

“Is everything okay?” Josh asked.

“Yes, everything looks great,” she said making notes in Donna’s chart. “Now we’ll just do the ultrasound to confirm that you’re pregnant and see how far along you are.”

“You can do that in an ultrasound already?” Donna asked in quiet disbelief.

“Absolutely.”

“I figured that I wouldn’t be far enough along yet.”

“Well, if your timeline for conception is right, the length of the baby is only about the size of two grains of rice right now, but that’s still big enough to see on an ultrasound.” 

“Wait,” Josh stammered. “You mean…we can…we’ll be able to…”

Dr. Evers grinned. “See your baby today?”

“Yeah...that.” Josh stumbled.

“Unless your baby is especially good at hiding, yes you will.”

As the doctor set up the ultrasound machine, Josh and Donna grinned at each other like complete idiots. This was going to be an unexpected thrill for both of them. 

After putting away the stirrups and adjusting the drape over Donna’s hips so her abdomen was exposed, the doctor took out a small tube, removed the cap and placed some of the gel on the transducer wand attached to the ultrasound machine.

“Okay, I apologize in advance if this is a little cold,” she said as she placed the transducer on Donna’s abdomen. Gently pressing down, she scanned the area as Dr. Evers stared at the small monitor. “Now, let’s see what we can see.”

The room was so quiet, they could have heard a pin drop.

“In addition to checking the baby, I’m also looking for any abnormalities with the uterus and your ovaries.” She watched the scan go by. “But as I expected, everything looks great. You appear to be in excellent health.” She paused and moved the wand over to a position she’d stopped at earlier. “And there’s your baby, looking just as healthy as its mother.”

Josh and Donna stared hard at the screen. Both of them were holding their breath and didn’t even know it.

Dr. Evers traced part of the screen. “Here’s the head and here’s the body. It’s hard to see in the ultrasound but at this stage, the arms and legs are starting to grow, as are the eyes, ears and tip of the nose. From what I’m seeing here and what you’ve told me, I’d say you’re about 6 weeks pregnant,” she said. “Which should make you due in early February.”

“Really?” Josh said.

“Yes, that’s my best estimate right now.”

Josh gave Donna an excited grin, then turned back to the monitor. “Wait...what’s that?“ he asked.

Staring at the screen, the doctor frowned. “I’m not sure what you’re pointing to.”

“The fluttery thing…right there,” he said his finger hovering over the spot on the screen he was referring to.

Dr. Evers smiled. “That’s your baby’s heart. It’s not beating strongly enough to hear yet but the fluttering you see is it beating.”

Josh felt a large knot form in his chest and the accompanying lump in his throat robbed him of any further ability to speak. Turning to Donna, he blinked back tears that he saw matched those in her eyes and he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it.

‘Thank you,’ he mouthed.

Donna smiled brightly through tears that threatened to spill over.

After taking a couple of still shots, Dr. Evers set the scanning wand aside, gently wiped the gel off Donna’s stomach and readjusted the drape higher on her waist.

“I’ll leave the picture up on the screen and give the two of you a few minutes alone.” With that she got up and left the room.

Neither of them noticed or acknowledged her leaving. They were too busy splitting their time between looking at each other and staring at the screen. 

“I can’t believe it,” Donna finally whispered, her eyes still moist and shining. “Our baby. Look what we did, Josh.”

“I know,” he finally managed to murmur as he stared at the screen. “It’s amazing.” He turned back to her. “You’re amazing.”

Leaning forward, he kissed her softly then gathered her into his embrace. “Just when I think I can’t love you any more than I already do…” he whispered. “…something like this happens and it’s like I fall in love with you all over again.”

She tightened her arms around him. “I love you too, Josh. Thank you for giving me this miracle.”

They stayed like that for a long time, but by the time Dr. Evers returned Josh had managed to sit back down and they were back to grinning like idiots at each other.

“Okay, you two, just a couple of more things, then you be on your way,” she said settling back down on the stool.

“First, here’s a prescription for prenatal vitamins,” she said handing Josh a sheet from her prescription pad. “I recommend you take them when your nausea is the least because they can cause a little stomach upset and be sure you eat them with something. Apple sauce is a good choice but anything that’s fairly easy on your system is fine.”

“Second, here’s your first baby picture,” she said handing Josh a printed copy of the ultra sound with a little arrow pointing to the baby’s head. While she continued speaking, Josh took it and handled it like it was the most precious, delicate thing he’d ever touched. “When the baby’s a bit farther along, I’ll start giving you video tapes too but right now I think you’d have a hard time picking it out if someone wasn’t telling you what you were seeing.”

“Third, on your way out make an appointment to come back and see me next month.”

“I don’t have to come sooner?” Donna asked.

“As your pregnancy progresses your appointments will become more frequent, but barring any problems, right now, once a month is fine. But if you do have any problems or even just some questions, please don’t hesitate to call.”

“Okay,“ Donna said with a nod.

“And last but not least, I’d like you to stop at the lab on the first floor and have some tests done. The nurse will give you the lab form you’ll need.”

“What kind of tests?” Josh asked with concern.

“Don’t worry the tests are all routine. They’ll need a urine sample so we can monitor her glucose levels and they’ll draw blood to further confirm her pregnancy and to check for anything in her system that might cause problems or complications down the road.”

“Like?” Josh persisted.

“Anemia, the rh factors in her blood, the presence of any viruses, her kidney and liver function, that kind of thing. As I said, they’re all routine and although I don’t expect anything to show up in the tests, I’ll be sure to tell you if anything does. We do them as a precaution since it’s often easier to treat these things if we catch them early.”

“But you’re not doing it because you suspect anything, right?”

She smiled at the suddenly concerned first time father. “No, if I suspected something I would tell you.”

Josh tried to get a hold of his worry. “Okay. Sorry.”

Donna gave his hand a squeeze. “You’ll have to forgive him, doctor. He gets a little wound up sometimes.”

“Perfectly understandable. I like to call it ‘new father syndrome’ and it just shows he cares. Now,” she said as she stood up. “Mary, you can go ahead and get dressed we’re all finished. Don’t forget to stop at the front desk and pick up all your lab paper work. If you have the blood drawn today we should have the results back by the end of the week so call my office then.” She walked to the door. “It was very nice to meet both of you.”

“We’ll see you next month,” Donna called as the doctor walked out of the room.

Josh turned back to her. “Well, mom, how do you feel?”

Donna gave him a bemused smile. “Happy, excited, relieved this appointment is all over and like I’ve got a wedgie from the paper I’m sitting on.”

Josh couldn’t help but laugh. “I guess that means you’d like to get dressed?”

“Yes, and you know what that means…”

“I have to turn around again?” Josh guessed.

She smiled at him broadly. “It’s good to know that our baby has a very smart father.”

**********  
Later that same day...

“All, I’m saying…” Donna exclaimed as they carried the groceries into the kitchen from the garage. “…is that I’m not sure it’s the best way for us to keep a low profile when you antagonize the poor woman in front of the grocery store who was trying to register voters…”

“For the Republican party, Donna!” Josh shot back. “She was trying to recruit voters for the REPUBLICAN party!”

“Yes, Josh, I was there,” she pointed out. “I heard her say it and I’ve heard you every time you’ve yelled about it since I dragged you to the car.”

Josh had wanted to take her out to dinner after her doctor appointment to celebrate, but Donna was in the mood to cook something so they’d gone to the grocery store instead. It was a decision Donna was beginning to regret. If she’d just let him take her to dinner, he wouldn’t be ranting right now.

“But I couldn’t let it pass!” he told her heatedly as they unpacked the groceries. “She made them sound like they were right up there with God and the Boy Scouts of America!”

“Yes, Josh, she did. But she’s allowed.”

“No, actually she was stupid and narrow minded.”

“Well, I’ll grant you that,” she said putting the milk and the cheese in the fridge. “But according to the first amendment, she is allowed to express her opinion.”

“Yeah, well, the first amendment shouldn’t apply to Republicans. They should have to keep their traps shut.”

“Yes, but then who would you have to argue with?” she said with a smirk.

“Ha, ha, very funny. I’m serious, someone should muzzle these people,” he said vehemently. “At the very least there should be a dyed in the wool democrat standing right next to them so people will have all points of view. Maybe we should go back there tomorrow and see if she comes back. That way I could give everyone the other side.”

“Oh, yeah, because that’s DEFINITELY the best way for us to keep a low profile,” Donna said in exasperation. “With our luck the local yokels will get wind of it and whatever passes for the press in this town would show up and get you on camera or on tape and then where would we be?”

The fight seemed to suddenly go out of Josh and he dropped down on one of the low stools at the end of the counter and ran his hands over his face.

“I just…” he let out a sigh as he dropped his hands in front of him. “I just want our child to grow up in a better world…a better place,” he said earnestly. “And accomplishing that is that much harder when there are housewives out there stumping for the Republican party and potentially corrupting young minds before us Democrats even get a chance.”

“Josh…” Donna said softly. She couldn’t help but smile as she walked over to him and laid a hand on his head. “Our child will grow up in a better world simply because they’ll have you for a father.”

Josh put his arms around her waist and pressed his cheek against her stomach. “I really don’t deserve you, you know that?” 

Running her hand through his hair, she grinned. “Yes, I know. But I’m kind of fond of you so I guess I’ll stick around anyway.”

Josh chuckled at that and pulled back to look up at her. “You’re too good to me.”

An idea took shape in her mind. “Actually, I have an idea,” Donna said.

“Oh, no, are you going to punish me for ranting about the Republicans again? Because I figured my cooperation with turning around while you got undressed at the doctors today would earn me at least one get out of jail free card.”

“Josh if I’d punished you every time you ranted about Republicans you would have gone mute a long time ago.”

“Valid point,” he said with a little snort.

“So back to my idea, I have a little project for you.” 

He cocked his head suspiciously at her. “A project?”

She walked over to the last shopping bag waiting to be emptied and looked inside. Seeing what she wanted she pulled it out and then picked up her purse and found the other item she needed. Taking them back over to Josh she handed both to him. 

“I want you to frame our first baby picture.”

Josh looked down at the ultrasound photo and the small cheap gold frame that Donna had found at the grocery store. The thing was it could have been a cardboard frame and he’d have adored it because of what it would showcase. “I’d love to.”

Donna smiled. “Good, and while you work on that I’ll make dinner.”

“Don’t you want some help?”

She kissed him lightly. “Thanks, but no, I’ve got it.”

Leaving Josh to unwrap the frame, Donna snapped on the small kitchen TV and started collecting everything she was going to need to make the lemon pepper chicken she was planning for dinner.

There wasn’t much else on TV that evening, so Donna switched it over to CNN and started cutting up the chicken. 

She and Josh concentrated on their individual tasks and only vaguely paid attention to what was happening on the television.

That all changed about 10 minutes later when the anchor broke in with a special bulletin.

“We have breaking news at this hour from our Nation’s Capitol. Federal indictments were handed down today for William Jameson, a high ranking official at the US Justice Department. Jameson’s title at the Justice Department was Director of Policy and he was the number four man at the agency right behind the Associate Attorney General.”

Almost unconsciously, Donna moved over to stand by Josh and he took her hand as the rest of the story unfolded. 

“Although the details of the indictments were unavailable and many of the key players are not talking, sources tell CNN that the indictments are related to a number of high profile deaths in the past months. Specifically, Feminist Majority Foundation deputy director, Amelia Gardner and Foundation security guard Justin Evans at the Foundation offices in Arlington in April and then Rhode Island Congressman James McTierney last month while he was in Federal Custody waiting to be interviewed concerning alleged bribes and election tampering.”

Video footage of Jameson being arrested and loaded into a vehicle rolled while the anchor continued.

“Jameson was arrested at his home in Maryland without incident and is believed to be the head of a group that allegedly used blackmail, bribery and murder to influence votes in Congress as well as to sell secrets to foreign governments and other interested parties. A number of other lower ranking officials at the Justice Department and associates of Jameson’s were also arrested, but the specific charges against them are not clear at this time.”

A file picture of Stone from his days in the military was the next thing to flash across the screen and Josh pulled Donna just a little closer.

“Also being sought by authorities is one Bruce Sanders, a former CIA agent and decorated war veteran who was believed to have been killed in a helicopter crash in Turkey, but is now believed to be alive and is being called a person of interest in this case.

We will bring you more on this complex and developing story as details become available.”

The story then changed to the day on Wall Street and Josh and Donna were both speechless for a long moment.

“Well, we knew this was coming,” Josh finally said. “Sam said we should watch for it.”

“I know,” Donna said quietly. “But...well, I guess it took me off guard.”

“Yeah, me too.” Pulling Donna into an embrace he stared over her shoulder at the ultrasound picture shining out from the new frame. “But the good news is that this brings us one step closer to getting this mess cleaned up and getting our lives back. When that happens we can stop looking over our shoulders all the time and start being a real family.”


	35. Chances

Chapter 35

Mid-August, Six Weeks Later…(Pregnancy Week 14)

“Donna!” Josh yelled as he climbed the stairs. “Are you almost ready?! You’re the one who said you wanted to leave 15 minutes ago!”

Entering the bedroom he stopped in his tracks. “Why aren’t you ready?” he asked.

“I’m not going,” she said twisting a pair of khaki shorts in her hands.

Slowly crossing the room, he walked over to where she was sitting on the side of the bed. “What do you mean you’re not going? This was your idea in the first place. You’ve been looking forward to it for two weeks.” When she didn’t answer, he prodded her a little. “Donna? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing…I’m just not going.”

This time he heard just the smallest hint of a sniff in her voice like she either had been or was going to cry. “Donna…”

“I can’t fit into my shorts, okay!” she said. “I’m not going because I can’t fit into my shorts.”

He was relieved that it wasn’t something serious, but he knew better than to say that with Donna’s hormones raging like they were. “Okay, well, why not just wear a looser pair?”

“Because these are my loosest pair!” she wailed, burying her face in the shorts and beginning to cry in earnest. “But I’m too fat to fit into them!”

He sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. He felt her promptly press her face against his shoulder. “Donna, you’re not fat. You’re three months pregnant. Your waistline had to start expanding at some point. You’re just so naturally thin that it took a while.” 

Her sobs trailed off as she lifted her face to look at him. “You really think so?”

“I know so.” He brushed some hair away from her face. 

She managed a damp smile, but it quickly faltered. “But what am I going to wear to the thing?”

“How about a dress?” he suggested. 

“Actually I do have a sun dress I could wear,” she said, brightening. “But I’ll have to put on more sunscreen.”

“You want some help?” he said with a mock leer. “I could help you with those hard to reach places.”

She laughed softly at that. “With that kind of help we’ll never get out of here.”

“What’s your point?” he teased. “I think we’d have more fun if we stayed home and made love all afternoon.”

Something warm and tingly shot right to her toes at his suggestion. Now that the reality of her pregnancy and her apparently expanding body had set in, it was good to know he didn’t find that off putting in the bedroom.

“I know but…” she said pulling out a little pout. “Despite this mini melt down, I really have been looking forward to going today.”

Happy to see her feeling better, he grinned. “I know. I’m just kidding. Besides, we’ll have all day tomorrow to spend in bed together.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind going today?” she said with a little frown. “I know it took a little while for you to warm up to the idea.”

“No, you’re right it will be good for us to get out of the house,” he said. “Plus I know you’ve been really excited about it which is reason enough for me.”

“I just wish my hair looked better,” she said blowing a strand out of her eyes. I’m going to put it back in a pony tail, but it looks so…weird since I haven’t been able to color it.”

“Your hair looks fine,” he said brushing a hand through her brown and blonde locks. The temporary blonde she’d used for the wedding had long since washed out but her natural blonde was growing back in to push out the brunette. The effect was a little like she had a blonde bowl on the crown of her head. 

“Josh, my hair looks like some 5 year old has been playing beauty shop with it.”

“It really doesn’t look that bad, I swear,” he said. “Besides, it’s not like it was your fault. The doctor said it’s not safe to color it until your 12th week at the earliest, so until recently you haven’t even had the option to color it or not.”

Donna sighed. “I’d really rather not color it at all just be safe,” she said. “Maybe when it grows in a little more I’ll just get it cut short so there isn’t so much of the darker color.” She grinned. “That is if you can stand to be seen with me in the mean time.” 

“Well, it will be a test of my love for you, but I suppose I’ll make allowances,” he said dramatically.

“Thanks a lot,” she said. “Now go wait downstairs while I finish getting ready so you don’t…distract me.”

“But I like distracting you.”

“I know, and you’re very good at it.”

“Okay, okay, just hurry up!” he called as he walked out of the bedroom and started down the stairs. “If we go much later it will be over before we get there!”

Forty-five minutes later, Josh pulled the car into the makeshift parking lot that had been set up near Snowflake’s only park. Donna smiled and sighed happily as she saw the small midway with the decidedly rickety looking kiddy rides, carnival games and trailers set up to sell all manner of carnival food, including cotton candy, hot dogs and deep fried Snickers. The town of Snowflake was holding the fair to raise money to pay for a new gymnasium roof for the town’s combined middle and high school.

Besides the midway and it’s assorted paraphernalia, the fair also encompassed a number of large tents that had been set up with booths of things to buy. And it wasn’t just commercial vendors that were there hocking their wares. Many local artisans, not to mention homemakers, were offering everything from paintings and sculpture to homemade baked goods, fruit preserves, and pickles for sale. Although Snowflake itself was a small down, the event had been heavily promoted and it was expected to draw a lot of people from surrounding areas.

But what had really gotten Donna excited about coming to the event was what was going on after the fair. Fireworks. They had missed the fireworks display the town had for the 4th of July because Donna had been feeling especially tired and nauseous at that point in her pregnancy. Plus they’d been going through an especially warm spell, even for the high Arizona desert in July, so Josh thought it was best they stayed home anyway.

However, now that Donna was moving into her fourth month, she was feeling decidedly less fatigue and nausea and she really wanted to see the fireworks. The 4th of July had always been one of her favorite times of the year in D.C. and although the fireworks they were going to see that night wouldn’t compare to those in D.C., she thought it would be the next best thing. 

Josh had been a bit more dubious and it had taken him a little more time to get used to the idea, but he’d made a personal note to take his patience for any crowds that might be in attendance and make sure Donna enjoyed their day out. 

He let her set the pace as they started going through the fair. Of course they didn’t actually go on any of the rides. Despite the fact that she looked longingly at the small Ferris wheel, Donna knew given her current condition, it and any other the other rides would be out of the question.

However, what she couldn’t resist was wandering around the rides to watch all the kids. With a couple of exceptions, the rides were for younger kids, and it was the little ones she couldn’t take her eyes off of. Some had cotton candy faces, others had blue mouths from snow cones and suckers, but nearly all of them had a look of rapturous glee on their faces and she liked to envision what their little one would look like when he or she was old enough to have moments like this. 

Josh, although he also had his own moments of watching the kids and trying to imagine their own child in the scene, couldn’t take his eyes off Donna. She looked so…happy. He found her grinning on a regular basis and thought she never looked more beautiful. Even though he’d never had any complaints about her body before, he was finding the gentle softness her body had taken on even more alluring. And unless he had seen it with his own eyes, he never would have thought a pregnant woman really could ‘glow,’ but Donna was the very picture of it. 

He showed his manly prowess by winning her a stuffed animal at one of the carnival games. Of course, he realized he could have very well bought something similar in a store for half the money he’d ended up forking over to win the thing, but his pride was at stake and so he could live with it.

Next they went through the tents and all the booths. Donna bought a few things, most of which he ended up having to carry until they were done and they could take them out and deposit them in the car. But something that happened while they were going through one of the tents got him thinking. 

They’d stopped at a booth showcasing a number of things, most notably antique frames that Donna was looking at for any more ‘baby pictures’ they might get. Josh, just as he’d done every other time, stepped aside and let her do the haggling. She was actually very good at it. It reminded him how sometimes he’d catch her outmaneuvering some Congressman, Senator, aide, staffer or flunky who wanted too much of his time. 

For some reason, right then, his mind decided to kick start its own internal discussion.

One of the things he and Donna hadn’t talked about, at least not really since that day in the diner when Stone showed up and Josh had been shot, was Donna’s professional future. Naturally, their personal future had taken huge steps...even leaps forward. But her…THEIR…professional future was still hanging. He suddenly wondered what she wanted to do once they got back to D.C., she had the baby and things settled down for them a bit.

Would she just want to be a wife and a mother? Would that be enough for her? Or would she want to do more? Whatever she wanted to do was fine with him, but it was something that they should probably talk about. Donna had said she never wanted him to resent her or the baby. For him, the real question became would Donna resent him for getting her pregnant and locking her into being a mother? Would she someday see that as holding her back? Somehow, when she told him she wanted to do more, he didn’t think she’d meant being a mother. 

And what about him? He was technically unemployed. In fact, about a month ago, he’d seen the announcement that the White House had hired that little Republican ankle biter, Cliff Calley, to be his replacement as deputy. He still couldn’t quite believe they’d picked Calley of all people for the job. Of course, the fact that he still held a grudge against Calley for everything that had happened with Donna and the diary so many years before, didn’t help. In any case, his job had been filled and despite what CJ had told him in her letter about him and Donna always having a place in the administration, there was no guarantee that either of them would be working at the White House again.

Then again, not being in the White House, or more accurately D.C., was kind of a blessing right now. Every news broadcast was about Jameson and his Tapestry group and the late Congressman McTierney’s misdeeds. Every day there seemed to be more and more things that surfaced showing the full and sweeping extent of their conspiracy and their crimes. Even in the couple of White House briefings that he’d seen there had been questions about the White House’s response to the situation or the ongoing investigation. 

Toby, acting as the new press secretary, although Josh couldn’t fathom why they hadn’t hired someone to permanently fill CJs spot, had answered the questions adequately, but uncomfortably. In any case, what they were now calling “Tapestry-gate” was all anyone wanted to talk about.

The slight shift in Josh’s mood did not go unnoticed by Donna and what he saw as thinking, she saw as brooding. And his brooding always worried her. She was still half waiting for him to freak out about impending fatherhood and was always on the look out for any signs. But in case his mood lifted on its own, she remained quiet about it...for the time being.

When they’d finished looking through all the tents, they dropped everything off at the car and Donna packed them a picnic dinner from things she’d kept cold in one of their large ice chests. Once she had the picnic hamper filled, Josh carried it and Donna carried a large blanket for them to sit on and a shade umbrella to keep them from roasting and they set out to find a good spot.

Even though it was only about 6 o’clock in the evening and it wouldn’t be dark for a while, the grassy open area where people would be watching the fireworks was already about half full. Fortunately, they still managed to find a great place right in the middle.

Donna spread out the blanket as Josh pitched the umbrella and they settled themselves in the shade to eat. The main course consisted of chicken salad that Josh had on whole grain bread with lettuce and Donna had on top of a salad. The chicken was joined by assorted raw vegetables, cut up watermelon and cantaloupe, lemonade to drink, and as a concession to Josh, chocolate cupcakes Donna had made the day before. 

Given the fact that Donna’s morning sickness had finally started to go away and they hadn’t eaten anything since they’d gotten to the fair, she was famished and she ended up eating more than he did, especially of the fruits and vegetables, which of course didn’t bother Josh one bit. Not only did that mean there were less of the hated vegetables for him to eat, but at their last appointment, the doctor had told Donna to eat more because she wasn’t gaining enough weight. So he really looked at it like he was doing his part in keeping her and the baby healthy and less like he was just trying to get out of eating his vegetables.

When they finished eating, they still had a little while to wait until the fireworks started, so Donna pulled out a deck of cards and a small pad of paper for them to use to play gin rummy. By then the sun had set low enough that Josh took the umbrella down so it wouldn’t block anyone’s view of the fireworks later on. 

So, with her still munching on carrot sticks and obsessing over Josh’s brooding and Josh, well, brooding, they started to play. When she’d beaten him in twelve straight hands of gin she couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Okay, what is it?” she said shoving the cards back into her purse. Even if nothing had been bothering Josh, it was getting too dark to see them anyway.

He blinked at her in surprise. “What’s what?”

“What’s the matter?”

Damn. Sometimes, he forgot just how good she was at reading him. “What makes you think something’s the matter?” he hedged.

“Josh, I just beat you twelve times in a row. I know I’m a better card player than you are, but I’m not that good.”

“Hey! Who says you’re better?” he said mildly outraged.

“The twelve hands I just won and the fact that every time we’ve played some form of cards I come out ahead of you.”

“What about poker?” he pointed out. “I kicked your ass in poker last time we played.”

“Okay, I’ll give you poker,” she conceded.

“That’s better,” he said smugly.

“But only because you know all my tells so you know when I’m bluffing.”

Josh grinned. “Well, reading someone’s tells is part of what makes a good poker player.”

“Don’t get too confident there, Phil Gordon,” she said reeling off a big name in the professional poker world. “If you’ll remember, before that time you ‘kicked my ass’ as you called it, you and I had generally come out pretty even.” She smirked. “Don’t forget I know you well enough to pretty much know all your tells too.”

He opened his mouth to argue but couldn’t. “Okay, you have a point.”

“Good, now stop stalling and answer my question.”

“You’ll have to remind me what it was,” he said, even though he knew perfectly well what it was.

“What’s...the...matter?” she said slowly and clearly.

“Nothing’s the matter.”

“Josh...” she chided. “You’ve been brooding most of the afternoon, ever since we left that frame place.”

“I have not been ‘brooding,’” Josh defended. “I’ve been...thinking. Ruminating, if you will.”

Donna rolled her eyes. “Fine, then what have you been ‘ruminating’ about?”

“I...it’s no big deal.”

“It obviously is a big deal or you wouldn’t have been brooding about it all afternoon.”

“I wasn’t brood...”

“Whatever!” Donna blurted in frustration. “Josh, come on. What is it?”

He let out a long sigh. “I’m worried.”

“Oh, God. I knew this would happen,” Donna said, slightly distressed.

He frowned. “You did?”

“You’re worried about the baby, right? You’re worried about being a father.”

His frowned deepened. “What? No! What the hell gave you that idea?”

Surprise made her frown too. “You’re not?”

“No!”

“Well, then, what is it?” she asked, getting a little more worried instead of less. Brooding about being a father she was prepared to talk him down from, but if that wasn’t it, she didn’t know if she could fix it or not.

Josh dragged a hand through his hair. “I was thinking about you.”

That only made things cloudier for her. “But you said you were worried. Are you worried about me?” she asked. “About me being pregnant? Because, except for gaining a little weight, you know the doctor said I’m fine.”

“No, I’m not worried like that, okay I am worried like that because there are so many things that could happen when you’re pregnant, but I mean…well, this isn’t exactly fair to you.”

Baffled, it took her a second to respond. “Fair to me? What do you mean?”

“Just what I said, being pregnant isn’t exactly fair to you,” he repeated. “I mean you’re the one who’s got to be pregnant for nine months.”

Although she was still baffled, Donna couldn’t hold back bemused smile. “Yes, nine months is the traditional length of time, and seeing as how you’re physically incapable of doing it and one of us has to, I figured it would be me.” 

“I’m serious, Donna.”

She sobered when she saw that something really was bothering him. “Josh,” she said laying her hand on his arm. “You’re going to have to spell it out for me because I have no earthly idea what you’re trying to tell me.”

Josh scrubbed his hands over his face. “I just…look, I don’t want you to resent me.”

“Resent you?” she said still baffled. “Why on earth would I resent you?”

“Because having a baby will hold you back and since the baby’s at least partly my fault, you’ll resent me for it….or at least I’ve been wondering if you will.”

The light began to dawn for her. “Wait a second…is this because of what I said a while back about wanting to do more? More at work and with my career?”

“Yes!” he said in relief. “I’m worried that you’ll think I expect you to only be a wife and a mother and you’ll feel like I’ve made you trade one version of servitude for another.”

“Josh…” she tried.

“No wait,” he said cutting her off. “Let me say this.” He let out a quick, hard breath. 

“You…Donnatella Moss Lyman are the most amazing woman I’ve ever known and you can do anything…absolutely anything you want with your life. Yes, I’ll admit, I didn’t exactly shove you out of your role as my assistant when we worked at the White House. It was selfish, but I wanted you close by. We were a team and I liked it that way, but I haven’t seen you as an assistant in a long time. You grew light years beyond being anyone’s assistant years ago.”

He paused a moment but Donna saw he wasn’t finished and she remained quiet. There was also the fact of the big lump in her throat that was pretty much keeping her from speaking anyway. 

“And I suppose part of it was the fact that I felt like if I couldn’t have you in my personal life, I could at least have you in my professional, so letting you go wasn’t an option,” he continued. “But now that things with us are all out in the open, that’s different. As much as I’d love to work with you again, having what we have now is more important to me and I want you to know that when we get back to D.C. I’ll do whatever I can to help you do anything you want. I mean whether that’s going back to school or getting a new job or we could try and do something together or whatever you want. I’ll even be Mr. Mom for a while if that’s what it takes.” 

Realizing she hadn’t said anything during his speech, he grinned at her a little nervously. “That’d be something to see, wouldn’t it?” he said. “‘Bartlet’s pit bull’ cooking, doing laundry, and changing diapers?” 

He started to panic a little when she remained silent and despite the darkness he thought he saw tears glistening in her eyes. “You’ve been awfully quiet. Don’t you have anything…”

His words were cut off when she suddenly launched herself at him. He managed to get his arms around her before they tumbled backwards onto the blanket in a heap. Her mouth was on his immediately and he felt the wet warmth of her tears on his face. Sliding her hands into his hair, her mouth devoured his, cajoling it open so she could feast on the warm haven inside. 

At the intensity of the kiss, he felt himself start to harden and he retained just enough brain cells to curse the fact that they were in a large crowd of people and he couldn’t do anything about it. 

Donna must have thought the same thing because she pulled away to look down at him.

“Boy Josh, when you share you sort of dump out everything at once, don’t you?” she said with a tearful grin.

He stroked his fingers over her damp cheek. “Why are you crying?”

“Happy tears, Josh. You said happy tears were allowed.”

“Yeah, I guess I did at that.” Josh felt himself completely relax as they continued to lay there in a tangle. “So what do think about what I said?”

“I think it was about the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard,” she told him as she settled her head on his chest. “But to be honest, I haven’t thought about it too much. I guess I should have but being on the run and being pregnant have sort of occupied my mind.” She lifted her head to look at him. “And as you pointed out the ‘more’ we have now makes the other not seem so important.” She grinned. “But you know what I liked most about what you said?”

He smirked. “The Mr. Mom part? You like the image of me with curlers in my hair, don’t you?”

She chuckled. “Well, that too, but what I really meant was what you said about us being a team, then and now.”

He sobered. “I meant it.”

“I know you did.”

“Well, right now, I’m going to concentrate on being a mother and making sure our baby is born safe and healthy.“

She pressed her lips lightly to his, more a caress than a kiss this time and then pulled back again as what he’d said tumbled over in her mind.

“You know, school does sound kind of interesting though,” she commented. “The only problem is that I’m a little too old to be competing with the twenty something coeds…”

“Nah, you’d run rings around them,” he put in.

“And God knows I’d love to work with you again…just maybe not as your assistant…”

“No, no. Not my assistant. It would be something on a more equal footing,” he promised. 

“Then again, I kind of like the idea of being a mom and being home with the baby at least until he or she starts school.”

“That’s fine, too,” he told her. “By then President Bartlet will be out of office and maybe we can find something new to do together.”

“I’d like that,” she said running a hand through his hair. “I guess there’s a lot for me to choose from.”

“That’s what I’m really trying to say. Don’t limit yourself. I want you to do what ever makes you happy.” Gently rolling her over onto her back, he grinned down at her. “As long as I’m part of the picture, of course.”

“Don’t think there’ll be much problem there,” she said smiling as she slid her arms around his shoulders. “When we finally get back to D.C. and this mess with Stone gets ironed out, we’ll figure out the details.” Her fingers toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck. “It means a lot to me that you’ve been worried about this, Josh. Thanks for looking out for me.”

“My pleasure,” he murmured as his mouth descended toward hers. Her body was warm and soft under his as he kissed her. Knowing that they couldn’t take things too far, he kept the kiss light and playful and they proceeded to make out like a couple of teenagers.

When the first boom sounded behind them they both jumped and quickly sat back up. Once they realized the fireworks were just starting they both exchanged laughs and then laid back down to watch. 

Josh slid his arm under her and pulled her in a bit closer. “You okay?” he asked quietly as he watched the colors of the next burst dance over her face.

“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” she asked between blasts.

“I just wondered…you know if the sound of the fireworks brought back any…bad memories,” he said carefully. In the back of his mind, he was a tiny bit worried that the fireworks might remind her of gunfire.

Donna squeezed his hand. “Nope, no bad memories.” He saw her smile at him in the light of a huge white starburst. “Just new, good ones.”

**********  
Late-August, Two Weeks Later...(Week 16)

“Well, Mary, I’m glad to see you’re gaining some weight,” Dr. Evers said as she made some notes in Donna’s file.

“Between my morning sickness being gone and him stuffing me with some kind of food every second I’m awake,” Donna shot Josh a long suffering look. “I’m surprised I’m not as big as a house.”

Josh let her look roll off him and he shrugged unapologetically. “Just doing my job as the father-to-be.”

“Actually you needed to put on weight, so as long as the food is healthy it’s a good thing he’s helping you eat more,” the doctor told her. 

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Josh said. “I’ve been doing a lot of reading on pregnancy so I’m prepared. I’ve been giving her mostly fruits and vegetables, lean meats, and dairy...”

“Yeah, Mr. I-won’t-eat-a-salad has become Mr. Nutritionist,” Donna groused.

The doctor looked between them with a smile. “Keep up the good work, Dad.” She turned back to Donna. “You’ve made great strides toward gaining weight but you need to keep it up. Now that you’re officially into your second trimester, you might also want to make sure you’re getting plenty of fiber. It’s better if you get it through food, but if need be you can get it through supplements.”

“Okay,” Donna said.

“So have you been getting much exercise?” the doctor asked next.

“Yes, we’ve been taking walks,” Donna answered. “Usually we take one in the morning before it gets too hot and another late in the day after dinner.”

“I also got an exercise DVD for pregnant women that has a lot of stretching exercises, mild strengthening and low impact aerobics in it for her to do,” Josh smirked. “Of course, she made me promise to do it with her.”

“Just doing my part as a wife,” Donna grinned. “I have to make sure that Dad stays healthy too.”

Dr. Evers smiled with them. “Well, the exercise is good for both of you. Just don’t over do it,” she told Donna. “When you feel tired, stop.” She made a couple more notes in Donna’s file. “Okay, do you have any more questions before we get started?”

“I was wondering...” Donna began. “It seems like the veins in my chest and my breasts are more noticeable and my nipples are a little darker. Is that normal? I mean it’s not because my blood pressure is too high or something, right?”

“No, no. Your blood pressure is right where it should be,” the doctor assured her. “During your pregnancy your blood volume increases 40-50% to support the baby. That means your veins become a bit distended and the areolas get darker. It’s also why varicose veins in the legs are more common in pregnant women.”

Donna nodded, then remembered her other question. “Oh, when should I be able to feel the baby move?”

“Actually, you probably already are and don’t realize it,” Dr. Evers told her. “Contrary to what most people think, at this stage the feeling of movement from the baby is very subtle. It will be most noticeable when you’re still and quiet and even though it’s described a little differently from woman to woman, it’s most often described as a ‘fluttering.’ I’ve also had patients think it was gas because it can feel a bit like a gas bubble. The way to tell the difference is that the baby moving shouldn’t give you any discomfort like gas often will.”

Donna frowned for a second as she thought about that. “Oh, is that what that was,” she commented more to herself than the doctor. “I didn’t think much about it at the time, but the other night I thought I had a little indigestion but it seemed weird and didn’t hurt.”

“There you go. It was probably the baby moving.”

Donna grinned. “Thanks, now I’ll know what to look for when it happens again.” 

“Good. Now let’s do the ultrasound first and see if we can hear the baby’s heartbeat.”

After arranging Donna’s drape a bit lower, Dr. Evers switched on the ultrasound machine and placed the transducer wand on Donna’s abdomen. 

“Good, everything appears to be progressing normally,” she said as she moved it around. “Looks like the amniotic fluid is beginning to gather which means the baby’s kidneys are beginning to function on their own.” 

“That’s the baby, right?” Josh said pointing to part of the screen. 

“Good eye, Mr. Kendall, that is indeed your baby,” Dr. Evers replied. “It’s almost 4 inches long now...oh, we’re in luck.”

“Why?” Donna asked with a frown. 

“Because if you look right...there,” the doctor indicated a spot on the monitor. “I believe you’ll see your baby…sucking its thumb.”

Josh and Donna’s gaze snapped to the monitor and saw that indeed, it appeared that the tiny little hand was pressed against the tiny little mouth. Josh reached out and took Donna’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

Even though this wasn’t the first or even second time Josh had seen the baby on the ultrasound, it still didn’t fail to make something clench almost painfully in his heart. 

“We’ve got a pretty cute kid there, mom.” 

Donna smiled and squeezed his hand back. “Must take after you.” 

The doctor took a couple of still photos and started rolling the video recorder. “Now, let’s check the little one’s heartbeat.” 

The doctor flipped a switch on the ultrasound machine and a quiet, almost whooshing sound filled the room. As she moved the transducer wand around the sound got louder then softer then louder again. 

“Is that...?” Josh asked with a breathless catch in his voice. “Is that the baby’s heartbeat?”

“Yes, that’s it,” the doctor replied as she studied the image on the screen.

“It’s so soft...” Donna murmured. “...and fast.”

“Well, yes, compared to an adult heart it is,” the doctor agreed. “But for a baby at this stage of development, it’s right where it’s supposed to be.”

Awe-struck, Josh just gripped Donna’s hand to his chest and stared at the screen. The sound of his child’s heartbeat filled his ears and he felt something physically shift in him. At the time he didn’t have the words to describe it, but later on he would understand what it was. 

His heart stretching to make room for the love that had blossomed for the child he had yet to meet.

“Wow,” he whispered with tears in his eyes.

Also a bit tearful, Donna grinned. “We did good, dad.”


	36. Chances

Chapter 36

Mid-September, Two weeks Later…(Week 18)

The coarse sand was hot on Josh’s feet as he ran. Being so focused on his objective, his brain didn’t register the heat or the blisters that would come from running through the desert barefoot. He also didn’t register the feeling of various rocks and twigs and even small cactus thorns that rose from the ground to stab at his feet as well. 

‘I have to find her.’ Was his only thought and it managed to override anything else that tried to find it’s way into his head.

He had no hard facts to tell him he was going the right way. He ran on instinct, somehow knowing he was getting closer. The frustrating thing was that although his legs were pumping like mad, his actual progress seemed to move along at a snail’s pace. 

Finally cresting the top of a hill, his heart nearly exploded from the exertion of running and the sight that lay before him.

He’d found her.

Smiling, she stood waving to him from a hill across from where he was standing. Now, very pregnant, her belly stood out prominently in the sundress she was wearing.

“Stay there, Donna!” he called. “I’m coming.”

Taking a step forward, he realized he had a big problem. 

Right in front of him and separating the hill he stood on from the one Donna stood on, was a huge chasm. It was so deep that as he peered over the edge he couldn’t even see the bottom. He kicked a few pebbles over the edge and never heard them hit. He considered trying to jump the gap, but it looked too wide for him to clear it.

“I have to find a way across!” he shouted.

Before he could take a step, his heart leapt into his throat as he saw a figure in black rapidly approaching Donna from behind. It was Stone. “DONNA! Watch out behind you!!!”

With her being as pregnant as she was, making a quick turn was a bit of a challenge for her, but somehow she managed it. When she saw Stone, Josh heard her scream. Trying to get away, she turned and tried to run, but in her current condition she didn’t get far.

Glancing at Josh, Stone pulled out a gun, and turned to aim it squarely at Donna’s slowly moving back.

“NOOO!” Josh screamed. 

Instinct driving him again, Josh scrambled back and making a mad dash, he threw himself across the chasm. Feeling his foot catch on the edge of the far side, he was poised to spring on a wholly unconcerned Stone, but as he started to push off, the rock and earth at the edge broke away and he felt the world slide out from under him.

At the same time he started to fall he heard the crack from Stone’s gun and he saw Donna go down in a heap and not move again.

“NOOOOO!!!” he heard himself scream again.

Scrabbling for any hand or footholds to stop his descent, he managed to grab onto what appeared to be an old tree branch or large root sticking out of the side of the chasm’s sheer wall. He hung there for a few moments, trying to figure out a way to climb back up the chasm wall to get to Donna. His mind refused to believe she was dead. Stone had tried to kill her before with no success, maybe this time was no different.

On the heels of that thought, Stone’s face appeared over the edge to peer down at him. “I always win,” he said in a calm, clear voice.

The gun appeared in his hand again and this time it was pointed right at Josh. 

He saw, rather than heard the shot, and his next feeling was pain ripping though his chest just as it had that summer night in Rosslyn. Only this time it was overlaid with the even more wrenching pain of knowing he hadn’t been able to save Donna or their baby. 

Overwhelmed by agony, his hands slid from the root and suddenly he was falling into the blackness…down…down…down….

And sitting bolt upright in bed, he woke up shouting Donna’s name.

Breathing like he’d run a marathon, Josh tried to get his bearings in the light of morning. Looking around, he didn’t see Donna and the panic that had begun to go down slightly when he’d woken, took a huge jump again.

“DONNA?!” he shouted, but got no response. 

Throwing back the covers, he stumbled out of bed on shaky legs. Hoping she was just in the bathroom, he ran in there but found it empty. Calling her name at the top of his lungs, he ran across the bedroom and flew downstairs. 

“DONNA!? ANSWER ME!” he yelled as he ran into the den, but had no luck there either.

Panic had him by the throat as he ran back toward the kitchen. Just as in his dream, his overriding thought was ‘I have to find her.’

“DONNA?!” 

Just then the door that led from the pantry into the garage opened. “Did you call me?” Donna said as she came in from the garage. 

“Why didn’t you answer me?!” he exclaimed as he ran to her. Throwing his arms around her, he pulled her into a fierce hug. “I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Between his sudden weight and her changing center of gravity, Donna had to hang onto him or risk stumbling backward. She could feel him breathing hard and his heart pounding. “Josh, what’s wrong?”

“I...” Laying one hand on her expanding belly, he closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of her. “Nothing...I just...couldn’t find you.”

Feeling the shakiness going through him, she knew it was more than that. “It doesn’t feel like nothing, you can hardly catch your breath.”

He pressed his face into her hair. “I had...” He hated to admit this. It made him feel weak when all he wanted to do was be strong for her. 

Donna stroked her fingers lightly over the back of his head. “Had what? It’s okay, you can tell me.”

Finally he let out a breath. “I had...a nightmare.”

She closed her eyes and hugged him tighter. They both knew how debilitating nightmares could be. But she also knew if he was this upset it hadn’t been any garden variety nightmare. “Was it about me or the baby?” she guessed. 

“Yeah,” Josh murmured.

“I’m sorry, Josh,” she said rubbing his back. 

“And when I woke up, you were...I couldn’t find you.” Getting himself together he pulled back to look at her. “I guess I panicked.” 

“I was in the garage putting in a load of laundry and didn’t hear you,” she explained. She laid her hand on his cheek. “You want to talk about it?”

“No...no I don’t.” He hugged her again. “I just need this...a moment to remind myself that it was just a nightmare and you’re here and you’re okay.” Almost absently, he rubbed his hand in a small circle over her belly. “That you’re both okay.”

She held him until his breathing evened out and got a bit more normal and he wasn’t holding onto her like a drowning man, then pulled back. “I tell you what...” she said with a grin as she picked his hand up off her belly and tugged him toward the stairs. “It’s still a little early, why don’t you let me take you upstairs and I’ll show you just how okay I am?”

He saw the mischievous little grin on her face and noticed that she was wearing her now-almost-too-small-to-go-around-her-belly bathrobe which meant she was probably naked underneath. Despite his earlier terror and residual shakiness from the nightmare, he managed to smile back.

“Can we try out a new pregnancy position?” he asked. 

“Oh, I think that can be arranged,” she said grinning as she started upstairs.

After they’d made long slow love to each other, they lay there naked in the morning sunlight. Donna watched as Josh trailed a lazy hand down her torso and over her belly and back again with a touch that was more comforting than arousing, which was okay since she was kind of tired anyway. 

She was also a little worried. They’d fallen into an odd dichotomy in the last few weeks. As her pregnancy progressed, she noticed she was calmer and less paranoid and even her nightmares had just about stopped. She still knew there was a danger from Stone but she didn’t feel so scared all the time. 

On the other hand, Josh had because more paranoid and worried about everything.   
She tried to chalk it up to him being a first time father and generally over protective where she was concerned anyway, but given the fact that his own nightmares had started up, she wondered if it didn’t go deeper. 

As far as she knew, the last time he’d had such bad nightmares had been after Rosslyn. And although she acknowledged that some therapy was in store for both of them when this mess was worked out, with them currently so far out and under everyone’s radar she couldn’t exactly call Stanley Keyworth in for a session with Josh if he had a PTSD episode in the mean time. She also didn’t think it was a viable solution to have him see a local therapist in Arizona. Not unless something radical happened anyway.

She considered asking him about it or trying to talk to him about it, but didn’t know if it would make things worse or not. He could be a very proud man and she’d sort of figured out that with the news of this baby, he’d taken the weight of the world on his shoulders. As if he hadn’t already carried that weight everyday of his adult life and probably before.

So for now she would settle for keeping an eye on him, humoring him when he got overly protective, and comforting him when he was upset or scared like he’d been that morning. 

“Do you think it would be weird if I talked to the baby?” Josh asked her.

“No, not at all. They say babies can hear in the womb.” She smiled at him. “It also helps that he or she has ears now.”

“Good point.” 

“I have to confess that I’ve already tried talking to the baby a couple times too.”

“Really?” Josh didn’t feel quite as silly about it now.

“Sure.” She looked a little embarrassed for a moment. “You’ll probably laugh at me, but when I was out in the garage doing laundry earlier, I was sort of telling the baby what I was doing. You know, describing it.”

“I’m not going to laugh at you,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “But I do think you, Mrs. Moss-Lyman are very cute.” Stretching up he kissed her lightly on the lips. “So what do you think I should say?”

“I don’t know,” she said with a little shrug. “Anything you want.”

“’kay,” he replied as he shifted so his mouth was about even with Donna’s belly button. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. Finally, he looked up at her a little helplessly. “This is harder than I thought it would be.”

Donna grinned and patted her belly. “Take note, baby. Your father is at a loss for words. I think you’ll find that’s unusual for him.”

“Hey! Don’t be talking me down to the kid already,” Josh said. He looked back at her belly and laid his hand gently on the round globe. “Just ignore her last comment,” he told the baby. “She was just kidding. I’m not at a loss for words, I’m just getting my thoughts together.”

He ignored the rather unladylike snort Donna made.

“So let’s see,” he began again. “Maybe it’s better to start at the beginning. Your mom you already know.” He grinned up at Donna. “Say hi, mom.”

“Hi, baby,” she said patting her stomach.

“She’ll be keeping you safe and warm for the next few months and I’ll be looking out for both of you.” He lowered his voice conspiratorially. “And just so you know, she’s terrific, you’re going to love her.”

Donna smiled at him sweetly. He really was doing well with the whole nurturing husband and dad-to-be thing. 

“You’re probably wondering who I am,” Josh continued. “Well, squirt I’m your dad. And while you didn’t luck out quite as well with me as you did with your mom...ow!” Josh exclaimed as Donna lightly smacked him in the side of the head. “What was that for?!”

“Don’t say thing things like that, Josh,” she said. “You’re going to be a great dad.” 

Josh gave her a lopsided smile and looked back down at her stomach. “Don’t mind her and the smacking, she doesn’t mean it and she only smacks me. Now, if your mom will let me finish...“ He glanced up at her to make sure she wasn’t going to object and then he continued. “While you might not have lucked out quite as well with me...I want you to know that I’ve got your mom to help me and I’m going to try my hardest to be the best dad I can be.”

Donna felt her heart melt at his words.

“I guess that’s all for now,” Josh told the baby. “Maybe later I can come back and talk to you about baseball and an amazing team called The Mets.” Donna laughed softly but he kept going. “Then again maybe I should talk to you about mean, evil people called Republicans.”

“Josh, don’t you think you should hold off on the political strategizing with the baby until he or she is, oh, I don’t know, out of diapers?” she asked.

“It’s never too early to warn your kids about Republicans,” he replied with a straight face.

With a lopsided smile, Donna ran her fingers lightly through his hair. “Have you given any thought to names?” 

Leaving one hand on her belly, Josh propped his head up on his other hand to look at her. “A little. I didn’t know if you had any ideas.”

“I do. It didn’t take me long,” Donna said. “I’ve had ideas for names for either a boy or a girl for a while now.”

“Really?” Josh asked a little surprised.

“Yeah, for me it wasn’t really that hard to decide.”

He rubbed his thumb over her belly button. “If you feel so strongly about it, why didn’t you mention it sooner?”

“I wanted to give you time to think about it too and not feel pressured by my ideas,” she admitted. “I mean it’s your baby too, you should have an equal say in the name we pick out.”

He gave her a bemused smile. “Gee, thanks.”

“So you said you’d thought about it a little bit. What ideas did you have?” she asked.

“Well, there was one I sort of thought of for a boy, but…” He looked at her for a long moment. “I’m not sure you’ll like it.”

“Is it Noah?” she guessed.

Stunned, Josh stared at her. “Okay, that was freaky. How the heck did you know that?”

“Because it’s the name I had picked out for a boy, too,” she said softly. “I didn’t know your father that long, but every time I talked to him he was very sweet to me and it was clear he adored you. I can’t think of any better way to honor him than to name our child after him.”

Crawling back up to her, he pulled her into his arms and breathed in the scent of her hair. “Have I mentioned how amazing you are?”

She smiled as she ran a hand down his back. “Yes, as a matter of fact you have. On a number of occasions.”

“I don’t say it enough.” 

“Well, I never get tired of hearing it,” she teased. “And for the record…” she moved her mouth to his ear. “You’re pretty amazing yourself.”

He pulled back and looked at her with a grin. “That does sound pretty good, doesn’t it?”

“This is what I’m saying,” she agreed. 

“Okay, so ‘Noah’ if it’s a boy,” Josh said putting his hand back on her stomach. He liked the feeling of connection it gave him. “Noah what?” 

“What about something to honor the President or Leo?” Donna suggested. “They’ve both been such a big part of our lives it might be nice to honor them like that.”

He knew that in Jewish tradition parents didn’t usually name their children after people that were still living, but in this case and for a middle name, he really liked the idea. “Well, Leo’s middle name is Thomas,” he said. “But the President doesn’t have a middle name so I guess that leaves us with, Noah Josiah…Noah Leo…or Noah Thomas.’”

“I think I like Noah Josiah or Noah Thomas,” Donna said.

“Noah Josiah Lyman or Noah Thomas Lyman,” Josh said trying out the sound of the names. “That is unless you want the last name to be Moss-Lyman.” He asked only half joking. “You know like ‘Noah Josiah Moss-Lyman’ or ‘Noah Thomas Moss-Lyman.’ Heck, we could go all out and make it ‘Noah Josiah Leo Thomas Moss-Lyman.’”

Donna gave a little snort. “I think a name that long might qualify as some kind of child abuse.”

“Yeah, I suppose you have a point there,” Josh said with a laugh.

“I don’t want the baby’s last name to be Moss-Lyman,” she said quietly. “I want it to just be Lyman. I want them to just have your name.”

“You sure?” he asked. “Because it’s all right if you want Moss in there, too. We could even use it as a middle name.”

“No, I like Noah Josiah Lyman or Noah Thomas Lyman,” she insisted. “We can pick one for sure once we get down the road a little more.”

“Okay, well, I hope you have something in mind for a girl’s name,” Josh said. “Because I don’t have a clue on girl’s names.”

Donna stared at his hand on her stomach for a long moment, her throat suddenly and surprisingly tight with emotion. 

Josh noticed her sudden silence. “What is it?” 

“If the baby’s a girl, I want to name her Monica Joan Lyman,” she said softly.

Josh was incredibly touched by her suggestion. “Okay, I know you picked ‘Joan’ after my sister, but why Monica?” 

“Does that mean you don’t like it?” Donna asked with no malice in her voice.

“Not at all,” he assured her. “I just never would have thought of Monica. Actually it goes together with Joan pretty well.”

“I thought maybe we could call her M.J. for short,” Donna suggested.

“What, like the girl in Spiderman?” he teased. But he wanted to kick himself when Donna didn’t even crack a smile and he could almost feel her disappointment.

“Well, I think that was short for Mary Jane,” she said softly with just the hint of a tremble in her voice. “But we don’t have to call her M.J. I guess it was kind of a dumb idea.”

“Hey, it wasn’t dumb,” Josh said tightening his arms around her. “Donna, look at me.” He waited until she did and he saw a tear slide down her cheek. “What’s this?” he said brushing it away.

“Nothing,” she said, looking away as she took a hard swipe at her eye. “You know me, I get emotional so easy these days.”

“I was just kidding about the Spiderman crack. I do like Monica Joan Lyman and now that I’ve had a minute I think M.J. is cute.”

“Oh, Josh you’re just saying that because I’m laying here half crying. I didn’t cry to guilt you into agreeing with me. Actually I didn’t mean to cry at all.” Her voice dropped to a mutter. “Damn hormones.”

“I’m not just saying it. I really do like it.” He thought about it for a second. “M.J. Lyman. It sounds like someone who’s strong and confident. What’s not to like?” He paused. “But you know you never did tell me where Monica came from and please don’t say from watching too much ‘Friends.’”

Donna managed a little smile at his comment, but it faded as she toyed with the edge of the sheet. “Monica Reyes was the name of the FBI agent out at the lake,” she said quietly. “The one I heard Stone kill that night. She died protecting me.” She looked up at him as another fat tear slid down her cheek. “Not to mention she was a really nice woman. I just thought that since she saved me, and Joanie saved you, our daughter would do well to be named after two such brave women.”

Something in Josh’s heart swelled almost painfully as he brushed the tear away and he had to clear his throat before he could speak. “You’re right,” he said. “She’d be lucky to have a name like that.” He paused. “Okay, then if it’s a girl it will be Monica Joan Lyman and M.J. for short.”

Donna gave him a long assessing look. “Are you sure, Josh?”

He kissed her cheek. “I’m positive.”

Putting her arms around him, she hugged him tightly. “Okay but, you have to promise that you’ll say something if you change your mind or if you think of something you like better.”

“It’s a deal,” Josh said, glad to hear the note of happiness in her voice. “Hey, you know what? We’re forgetting to ask the most important person.” 

Donna smiled and then sniffed a bit wetly. “The baby?”

“Exactly.” He moved back down by her stomach and splayed his hand over her belly, just under her navel. “So what do you say, squirt? Your mom and I like Noah Thomas or Noah Josiah if you’re a boy…”

Donna broke into a grin. “What do you expect the baby to send up smoke signals or maybe pass a note out to you through my vagina?”

Josh smirked suggestively. “I don’t know, should I check under your hood to find out?”

She shook her head. “You sweet talker. You make my heart go all a flutter with your sweet pillow talk.”

He grinned and turned back to her stomach. “Or if you’re a girl we’ve picked Monica Joan…” 

Josh jumped back, but still kept his hand on her stomach. “What was that?!”

“You could feel that?” Donna asked him.

“Ah…yes. It was kind of hard to miss! What was it?”

She chuckled. “That was our child making its presence known.”

He stared in wonder at her stomach. Although Donna had been feeling the baby move more strongly in the last couple of weeks it was the first time he’d been able to feel it. The feeling had been much more subtle than he’d expected. Instead of a jab or a kick, it was more like something bumping up against his hand. 

“That was the baby moving?” he said in surprised awe, then he felt the movement again. “Correction. IS that the baby moving?”

Donna grinned at his reaction. “Yep.”

“Does it always feel like that?” he asked.

“Pretty much, although this time it was a little harder and stronger.”

“Does it hurt?

“No, not at this point any way,” she assured him as the baby seemed to settle back down again. “I’m guessing once the baby’s quarters get a little more cramped and he or she starts kicking my internal organs it might hurt, but right now it just feels a little weird.”

An idea struck Josh. “Hey, do you think that because I was saying the girl’s name when it happened, the baby’s trying to tell us it’s a girl?”

“I’m guessing it was just a coincidence, Josh.”

“Probably, but I’m going to try out my theory anyway.” His mouth hovered just above her navel. “Are you a girl baby?”

No movement in response.

“Do you like the name Monica Joan?”

Still no response.

Donna had to stifle a laugh. “Josh, the baby’s not a Magic 8 Ball, you know.

Josh sighed. “I know, but I had to try.” Then he looked up at her with a bit of a gleam in his eye that made Donna’s heart beat a little quicker and a slow blush spread across her skin. 

“You know,” he began as he moved farther down her body. “I think it’s time I did that checking under your hood.” 

“Somehow I don’t think you’re going to find the answer down there either,” Donna teased, but it ended on a gasp as Josh fingers traced their way up her inner thighs.

He grinned as his lips brushed over the same path as his fingers and he felt her tremble. “That may be, but I think I’ve still got a couple of ideas up my sleeve on how we can entertain ourselves.”

**********  
Mid-October, Three Weeks Later...(Week 21 - Month 5)

“I can’t believe you’re almost five months pregnant,” Josh commented as he helped her into the SUV after her doctor’s appointment. She’d just crossed her 21st week and was officially half way to her confirmed due date of February 3rd.

Donna sighed. “I can’t believe I’m ONLY going to be five months pregnant. I feel like I’m as big as a house and I’m only going to get bigger.”

“Well, you don’t look as big as a house,” Josh said honestly as he made sure she was belted in. “You look terrific and the doctor said your weight is right where it should be.”

Donna pulled up the edge of her shirt to expose her rapidly expanding stomach. “I’ve even lost my belly button,” she lamented.

Knowing it was a little sore since her uterus was now large enough to be pressing on her navel, he gently rubbed his thumb over it. “Oh, I don’t know I think it looks cute as an ‘outie’ rather than an ‘innie’.”

“It’s just so weird having all this stuff going on with my body. I mean I knew there was going to be a baby and I’d be gaining weight and everything, but my skin is different, my belly button has changed, I’ve got this weird line going from my navel to points south, I’ve got something moving around inside me of it’s own accord…it’s just…” She stared at him for a moment as if he’d give her the right word to describe it. “…a little disconcerting.”

Knowing that she needed a little reassurance, he smiled and kissed her lightly. “I know it must be, but according to all the books and the doctor, this is exactly what’s supposed to happen.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “You’re doing great and to me you’ve never looked more beautiful.”

She managed a little smile. “Really? You’re not just saying that?”

“Yeah, because you know I’m all about the empty platitudes,” Josh teased. “Of course, I’m not just saying that. I really mean it.”

Her smile brightened a little more. “Thanks,” she said softly. “Now we better get going or we’re going to be late for Mike’s call.”

“Yeah you’re right, Dr. Evers was behind so we are running a bit late,” he said. Closing her door, he went around to get behind the wheel and after starting the car, they drove out of the parking lot and headed back to Snowflake.

The comfortable silence they’d fallen into lasted all of five minutes before Donna reopened a discussion they’d originally had earlier at the doctor’s office.

“Are you sure you don’t want to know?” she asked.

Josh sighed and seeing as how they were driving along at 45 miles an hour he squashed the urge to thump his head against the steering wheel.

“I already told you….I DO want to know, but I’m going to wait and be surprised.”

“But are you sure that’s what you want to do?” Donna prodded, even thought she knew it was probably driving him a little crazy. “I mean you and waiting patiently don’t usually go together.”

Josh gave her a sarcastic smirk. “See how much being a father has improved me already?”

“I just don’t want you to wake me up a two in the morning because you have a sudden burning need to know the answer.”

“Donna, I swear I am not going to wake you up at two in the morning to find out the sex of our baby,” Josh promised.

This being the 21st week of Donna’s pregnancy and the baby cooperating by being in the right position, Dr. Evers had been able to figure out with relative certainty if they were having a boy or a girl. 

Oddly disappointed she wasn’t going to get to spill the beans to him, Donna let out a breath and looked out the window. “I still don’t understand why you don’t want to know. I mean, don’t you care what we’re having?”

“Donna...” he whined. “Of course I care, but at this point I care more that you and the baby are healthy.”

“I care about that too,” she replied.’

“I know you do,” he said. “I guess I just wanted to preserve a little bit of the mystery.”

She was quiet for a moment. “Do you mind that I wanted to know?”

“No, no, not at all.”

“Because I’ve got to tell you, Josh, just the experience of being pregnant has been enough of a mystery for me,” she said. 

“I know,” he agreed. “Which is why it didn’t bother me that you wanted to know.”

“I guess I just thought it would be one less thing to wonder about,” she said quietly. 

Careful to keep his focus on the road, he reached his free hand over and laid it on hers. “Donna,” he said gently. “It’s really okay. I’m glad you wanted to know. I just wish you’d understand why I want to wait.” 

“I do understand but...” her voice trailed off.

“But what?”

“I want to share it with you!” she exclaimed with a sudden grin. “I’m really excited. I mean I’d be excited no matter which one the doctor said it was, but...well, I’m really excited!” she repeated all but bouncing in her seat.

“I can see that and I’ll be excited too...when the baby’s born,” he said with a grin. 

Donna pulled out her pout. “But Jooooosh...” 

“No, don’t tell me,” he said firmly.

“Okay, fine,” she said with a frustrated little sigh.

“And by the way, pulling out the pout is really not fair,” he said. “You know how hard it is for me to resist.”

She let out a breath. “I know...sorry. I had to give it a shot.”

Josh grinned to tell her he wasn’t mad. “You should only use your powers for good.”

She smiled. “I’ll remember that.”

With that, she changed the subject and they spent the rest of the trip to Snowflake talking about a variety of other topics, including the upcoming call with Mike. Since Jameson had been arrested, they’d taken to having a monthly call with Mike to get updates on what was happening with the arrangements for the trial.

“Well, it’s 2 o’clock,” Josh said looking at his watch. “Mike should be calling any second now. As if on cue, their cell phone began to ring.

Josh pressed the talk button. “Hey.”

“Hi, you two,” Mike replied. “Or should I say you three?”

Donna grinned. “Yep, we’re all here.”

“Are you all healthy?”

“Yeah, we just got done at the doctor and she gave us a clean bill of health,” Josh answered.

“Good to hear. Everyone’s been asking how you’re doing, so I’ll pass that along.”

“Give them our best,” Donna told him.

“We’ll do.”

Josh decided to cut to the chase. “So is there any chance we’re going to be seeing them anytime soon?”

There was a pause and a definite sigh from the other end of the phone. “I wish I had better news, but we’ve run into a few snags on our end.”

“Come on!” Josh exploded. “I thought you had this guy cold!”

“We do,” Mike said, in his regular, calm voice. “But he’s got some damn good lawyers...”

“And you mean to tell me, that we don’t have any equally damn good Federal prosecutors?” Josh shot back.

“We do, but his are really good at getting filing motions and continuances and there’s not much ours can do about it, plus there’s literally mountains of evidence to go through,” Mike explained. “The stuff that you two found in Amy’s apartment was just the tip of the iceberg.”

Josh was about to explode again, but he felt Donna’s hand on his arm. He looked at her and saw in her eyes that it was okay. He nodded and let out a breath to calm himself down.

“Can you tell us where things stand right now?” Donna asked.

“Well, the good news is that the lead prosecutor got the judge to finally set a trial date. The bad news is that it’s not until December 10th and the really bad news is that you two aren’t scheduled to testify until January 14th.”

“January 14th!” Josh exclaimed. “But she’s due...” He paused and thought for a second about what he was about to say. “...we wanted to be back in D.C. before then. We have a...deadline of sorts on February 3rd.” 

Mike knew that Josh meant that was Donna’s due date. “I know, I know, I wish I could do something about it, but the holidays have really played havoc with the scheduling.” He paused. “You could try coming home. Now that most of the players are in custody and not all our evidence is coming from you two, we should be able to keep you both safe. You’d still need to be in protective custody until the trial is over, but at least you’d be closer to home.”

“Yeah, and compared to now, we’d be virtual prisoners,” Josh commented.

“I know,” Mike agreed.

“And you’re forgetting one very important thing,” Josh added.

“What’s that?”

“Our blonde friend.”

“We haven’t heard from him since he got hit by the car,” Mike answered. “It’s possible he’s no longer a factor.”

“Unless you can show me his corpse or him in custody, there’s no way you’re going to convince me he isn’t still out there,” Donna put in. “He’s very determined and he doesn’t mind killing innocent people to get what he wants.”

Josh took her hand before he spoke into the phone. “Not to mention that we’ve thwarted him at every turn, so now it’s personal for him. He won’t stop until he gets to us.”

“Capturing him is our top priority,” Mike said. “We tracked him to a hospital in Canada but by the time we got a hold of that information he was gone and we haven’t been able to pick up his trail again.”

“I’m guessing he’s pretty good at hiding,” Josh said.

“Well, this time he’s been slowed down by his injuries. The hospital staff in Canada said he has a severe limp from his run in with your car and that he’s going to need physical therapy so were trying to trace him through that.”

“That’s something I guess.”

“So I’m guessing you don’t want to risk coming back right now?” Mike said.

Josh looked at Donna and she shook her head. “Yeah,” he told Mike. “We’ll stay where we are for now.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised. I’d do the same thing if I was in your place, but I wanted to give you the option.”

“We appreciate that,” Donna told him.

“Well, I guess we should wrap this up. Is there anything you need? Money? Supplies? Documents?” 

“No, we’re in good shape.”

“Okay, then take care of yourselves and I’ll talk to you at our next scheduled call.”

“Thanks for the update,” Josh said.

“Sorry I didn’t have better news.”

“That’s okay,” Donna told him. “We know how hard you’ve been working on this and we really do appreciate it. Take care of yourself.”

“I will. Bye.”

Josh switched off the phone and gave her hand a squeeze. “I guess we’re going to be here a while.”

“At least we’re here together,” she said giving him a soft, sincere smile. “Come on, let’s go home.”

**********  
Later that night...

Spooned up behind Donna, Josh laid there staring at the patterns that the flickering TV was throwing up on the otherwise dark bedroom wall. He couldn’t sleep and this time it wasn’t due to a nightmare. It was more a case of his own stubbornness and dreading the crow he knew Donna was going to make him eat. 

Glancing at the TV, he saw it was almost 3:30 in the morning. He couldn’t wait any longer.

“Donna?” he whispered.

“Hmmm?”

“Are you awake?” he whispered again.

“Yes.”

He frowned when he realized that she didn’t sound groggy from sleep at all. “Have you been awake for a while?” he asked in a normal voice.

It took her a second to respond. “Uh...yeah, a few minutes.”

His frown continued when her reply sounded almost...distracted. Raising himself up a bit, he saw Donna roll onto her back and he looked down at her. “Is everything all right?”

“Ah...yeah,” she said calmly although in the flickering light she appeared to have an odd look on her face. 

“Are you sure?”

“Ab...solutely,” she absently.

He felt relieved to hear that. “Okay, well, I know you’re never going to let me live this down, but...” he swallowed. “I can’t stand it anymore.”

Before he had a chance to say anything else, he heard her laugh softly. No. Not laugh...he heard her giggle. Donna wasn’t much of a giggler but that’s exactly what he’d heard her do.

He prepared himself for the ribbing she was going to give him. “I need to know if the baby is a girl or a boy.”

She started giggling harder.

“I know, I know,” he exclaimed switching on the lamp so he could see her more clearly. “I said I wouldn’t ask but I can’t take it. I want to know.”

Her giggling became outright laughter. 

“I know, you were worried that I would wake you up at 2 am and ask you, but in my defense it’s 3:30 in the morning and you said yourself you were already awake.”

Donna continued to laugh.

“So could you maybe laugh at me later and tell me now?”

She managed to slow her laughing enough to speak. “I’m not laughing at you.”

He frowned again. “You’re not?”

“No, I’m not...laughing about that,” she said between burst of laughter. “I knew you’d ask...sooner or later.”

“I’m glad I’m so predictable,” he muttered. “So wait, what are you laughing about then?”

“I’m laughing at the baby.”

“The baby?” he asked in surprise.

“Yes, she has the hiccups.”

“She has the...SHE?!” he exclaimed. “We’re having a girl?!”

Donna grinned as her laughter faded a bit. “Yep.”

“We’re having a girl!!!” he yelled happily as he caught her up in a hug.

“I know,” she said laughing now to see him so happy.

“A girl, we’re having a girl,” he murmured as he pulled back to look at her. 

“You’re not disappointed that it’s not a boy, are you?” she asked. 

“Nah, I meant when I said I just wanted it to be healthy. A girl or a boy, either one is fine.”

“Which is why you were ready to wake me up at 3:30 to ask me which one it is,” she pointed out.

He grinned at her. “Well, like you said, me and patience don’t really go together. Plus I thought since we’re going to be here for a while longer we could finalize the name if I knew it was a boy or a girl.” 

“Good point,” she said with a smile.

“Oh, wait, you said the baby...” He grinned. “I mean, SHE had the hiccups?”

“Yes,” Donna said with another giggle. “And besides feeling a little weird, it kind of tickles, which is why I was laughing so much.”

“Does she still have them?” 

Donna nodded. “Yes. Put your ear on my stomach and I bet you can hear it.”

Tugging up her nightshirt, he laid his ear against her skin and Donna forced herself to stop laughing long enough for him to hear something.

And there it was. Very faint, but definitely the sound of someone with tiny hiccups. Correction, his daughter...having tiny hiccups. 

“Oh, my God,” he breathed. “I can hear her.”

Donna ran her hand through his hair as he continued to listen with a look of absolute awe in his eyes. “Pretty amazing, huh?”

Without pulling his ear away from Donna’s belly, he looked up at her with love and adoration all but painted on his face. “It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.”


	37. Chances

Chapter 37

Mid-January, Three Days before their return to D.C. to testify at the trial.... (Pregnancy Week 37 - Month 8.5)

Josh wasn’t quite sure what had woken him. He hadn’t had a nightmare and everything seemed quiet in the light from the lamp they’d left turned on. Rolling over, he found the bed beside him empty. It must have been Donna’s missing presence that had woken him. Glancing at the clock he saw it was almost 4 am.

Sitting up, he called her name, but got no response. Unlike the time after he’d had that horrible nightmare, her missing presence didn’t set off any alarm bells. He was getting used to her odd sleeping habits. 

Now that Donna was so far along in her pregnancy, she’d been finding it harder and harder to get comfortable enough to sleep at night. The baby seemed to delight in being active at night and kicking her at regular intervals. The heartburn and frequent trips to the bathroom from the baby pressing against her bladder didn’t help either. For the most part she’d started taking cat naps whenever possible to try and get enough sleep.

He’d asked her to wake him when she couldn’t sleep and he’d sit up with her, but he knew she wanted at least one of them to get a decent night’s sleep. Consequently, unless he noticed her getting out of bed and despite his noblest intentions, he slept through a lot of her nocturnal wanderings.

Throwing back the covers, Josh slid out of the warm bed. Even though the house was well insulated and they had the heat on, it was January and the floor felt cold even through the socks he’d worn to bed. Who knew that the Arizona could be so cold in the winter time?

Usually during these night time outings, he’d find her packing or cleaning out something, so he looked in the closet first. It was amazing just how much stuff they’d accumulated during their time on the run and in Arizona. In the last week, he and Donna had been packing things up and they’d arranged with Harry to have all the boxes shipped back to D.C. to Toby’s home address after they left. They’d only kept out toiletries and a week’s worth of clothes to take with them on the plane. Everything else was being shipped.

After seeing that she wasn’t in the now empty closet or the bathroom, he went downstairs. He frowned a little when he also didn’t find her there. There was a lamp burning in the living room that he was sure he’d turned off before they’d turned in, so he guessed that she’d turned it back on at some point. 

Josh tried to keep a hold on his panic when he walked through the kitchen, the pantry and the garage, but still didn’t find her. But then in the small mud room off the side of the garage, he found the answer. Her new heavy winter coat that was big enough to accommodate her expanding stomach was missing from the rack by the door as were the thick soled winter boots she wore when she went outside.

He didn’t know if he should be relieved or more worried than ever.

‘Why would she go outside?’ he wondered, trying not to let his somewhat paranoid imagination run away with him.

He also tried not to be angry that she’d gone outside alone as he had images rolling through his head of her tripping and falling or having a dizzy spell. Plus if something did happen to her, it was so cold outside, she could easily freeze to death.

Josh glanced at the thermometer mounted by the door that displayed both the indoor and outdoor temperatures. 

It indicated that it was a whopping two degrees outside.

Pulling on his own coat, he shoved his feet into his boots and pushed open the door. 

It was an odd cold really. Despite the low temperature, it wasn’t a biting cold like being in D.C. during a wet snow storm. It was bone dry and there wasn’t a hint of wind. Most strikingly, the night sky with its compliment of stars and a half moon were so clear and sharp, it was almost painful to look at. 

“Donna?” he called as he started to circle around the house.

“Over here,” he heard her call back.

Following her voice, he found her standing just a few yards from the side porch looking up at the sky. 

“Donna, what the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night all by yourself?” he asked. “You could have fallen and hurt yourself or something. Not to mention it’s freezing.”

“It’s okay...” she soothed holding out her hand to him. “I was careful,” she said as he took her hand and she gave it a squeeze. “And it’s not that cold. There isn’t even any snow on the ground,” she said shifting the heavy blanket she’d thrown over her coat. “I’m from Wisconsin, remember?”

Josh shivered slightly. “There may not be any snow, but the thermometer says it’s two degrees, which as I recall qualifies as freezing.”

“Actually it qualifies as below freezing,” she corrected.

“Thus illustrating my point,” he said stamping his feet to make sure the blood kept moving.

Donna took pity on him. “You want to share my blanket?”

“I’d rather go inside and share a nice warm bed with you.” 

She pouted at him, even if he probably couldn’t see it. “Please, Josh, just a few more minutes. It’s so beautiful out here.”

He sighed. “Okay, let me share the blanket then.”

“Thanks,” she said with a grin.

Donna dropped the voluminous blanket from around her shoulders. Josh took it from her and moved around behind her. Snuggling up against her back, he wrapped the blanket around both of them. It still managed to just overlap in the front of them and she took the ends from him and held them together.

Under the blanket, Josh’s hands slid down to rest on the bulge of her belly where it strained against her buttoned up coat. He had to admit, between the blanket and being snuggled up against her, it wasn’t nearly as cold. In fact, it was really kind of cozy. He rested his chin on her shoulder for a moment as they stood there silently in the cold darkness for a moment.

“I got a little worried when I woke up and you weren’t there,” he said quietly.

Keeping one of her hands on the blanket, she rubbed the other one over his. “I’m sorry I made you worry. I couldn’t sleep.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, the baby was just kicking, I had heartburn, my back was hurting a little and I had to pee.”

Josh smiled. “So, the usual.”

Donna chuckled. “Yeah, these days, pretty much. I tried reading for a while but it wasn’t making me any more tired and the book really wasn’t that good anyway.”

“How’d you wind up out here?”

“I came out here last week for a few minutes. The sky is so pretty at night.”

“Yeah, I said the same thing to Sam when he was here.”

Donna didn’t reply and he sensed there was something on her mind.

He finally broke the silence. “You’re kind of quiet tonight…or should I say this morning.” Josh felt her let out a small sigh.

“Just thinking, I guess.”

“Oh? About what?”

“Lots of things,” she said.

When she didn’t elaborate, he prompted her. “Wanna talk about it?” 

“I’m not sure there’s anything to really talk about. It’s just me being overly worried.”

“Hey, I thought that was my job?” he teased.

“I think it’s both our jobs with the little one on the way.” She laid her head back against his shoulder. “I’m thinking about going back to D.C,” she finally admitted.

In the past few months he’d been the one obsessing like crazy about their return to D.C. On the other hand, Donna had been surprisingly calm about the whole thing. Now as things had come down to the wire he’d tried to calm down a little to keep her calm and he thought it felt a little odd to have their positions reversed. 

He pulled her a bit closer and brushed his lips against her hair. “You know that’s been on my mind too, but tell me what’s been worrying you.”

“Well, first, there’s the flight. I mean I’m not really supposed to be flying at this stage.” The baby started kicking again and almost automatically, she moved his hand so he could feel it as she continued. “I don’t want anything to happen to the baby or me because we’re taking the risk of flying back to D.C.”

Josh had a million fears and reservations about her flying, all of which made him want to break out in a cold sweat. But at that point, he felt like he needed to reassure her and keep the rest to himself.

“I know. I don’t like it either. I worry about you both.” He sighed. “It’s a risk that I don’t want to take but I just don’t think we have a choice. Mike and the prosecutor talked to the judge until they were blue in the face to get a continuance but they were denied. Since they have a strong case even without your testimony, I’d like to tell you just to not testify but the truth is your testimony will help.” He paused. “And I know you want to do it.”

“I do,” Donna said softly. “I think I owe it to Amy.”

“I know you feel that way,” he replied. “Which means…we need to get back to D.C., like…now, and we decided driving there or taking the bus or the train would leave us too exposed, not to mention you didn’t relish having to sit that long,” he reminded her gently. “As for the risks, we’re doing all we can to minimize them. We already talked to Dr. Evers about it and she didn’t have any specific concerns and we’ve got the appointment with her tomorrow to get the certificate we need so the airline will let you on the plane.”

“You’re right, I know,” Donna agreed. “I’m just glad we’re flying in first class. Getting my ample body into coach is not a pleasant idea.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too. Plus we’re taking a pillow for your back, we’re flying non-stop so it will be as quick as possible, and you’ll get up and walk around at least once every hour during the flight.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem since that’s how often I have to pee anyway,” she said with a somewhat sarcastic laugh. “If I’m lucky, that is.”

Feeling the baby kicking again, Josh rubbed her belly in a way he hoped the baby would find soothing so she’d quiet down and give Donna a respite. 

“Well, since we’re sitting in first class we’ll be right by the bathroom,” he joked back. 

“Airplane bathrooms, now there’s another cheery thought,” she said.

“I’m sorry about that, unfortunately, there’s not much I can do on that front,” he said. 

“It’s not your fault, I guess I’m just in a mood,” she said. 

“Well, if anyone’s entitled, it’s you.” 

She let out a breath. “I guess I’m also worried that something will happen with Stone and we won’t even make it back to D.C. which I know is just me being paranoid.”

“Again, I think we’ve got it covered,” he told her. “We’ve had eight months to plan this. We booked the tickets through a travel agent using cash so no one should be able to trace us and even Mike and Ron only know that they need to pick us up at the Avis car rental desk in the Baltimore Airport so even if someone got to them they couldn’t tell them anything. I don’t see any way that Stone can find us between now and then.”

“I know,” she said trying to sound convincing. “But even after I testify, you know it won’t be as easy as us walking into the courtroom in danger and walking out without a care in the world, especially given the fact that Stone is still on the loose.”

Josh fought to control the finger of panic creeping up his spine as she brought up all the issues he’d worked so hard to plan and mentally prepare for.

“Well, you will be safer after you testify and Mike and Ron have made special arrangements to protect us until the end of the trial,” he pointed out for himself as much as her. “As for Stone, I have to believe that he’ll be found eventually. In the mean time we’ll just have to live with some bodyguards. I don’t like it, but it’s what we need to do to keep you safe.”

“Keep US safe,” she amended. “All three of us.”

“Yeah, keep us safe.” He hugged her a little bit tighter. “So what else is on your mind?”

It took her a long moment to answer. “Have you noticed how quiet and simple things are here?” she said.

Josh blinked at her response, but figured she was probably going somewhere with it. “Yes, it is quiet here,” he agreed. “Although I’m not sure I’d say it was simple. The last eight months don’t exactly match my definition of simple, but I know what you’re saying.”

“I mean, I know, we’ve struggled with boredom and once in a while we’ve gotten on each other’s nerves,” she said. “Not to mention that my hormonal mood swings haven’t been easy to live with.”

“They weren’t that bad, really. Except for you crying more, it really wasn’t a big deal,” he insisted. “I think the mood swings bothered you more than they bothered me.”

“I just don’t like not knowing what my next emotion is going to be.” She sighed. “In any case, I know you’ve missed D.C. and being in the thick of things...”

“Now, don’t start that again,” he chided. “I’ve told you I’m where I want to be.”

“No, I know...but you HAVE missed D.C., I know you have. I have too, not to mention that I’ve missed only having one driver’s license with my actual name on it,” she said. “But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried that things will change for us when we get back.”

He frowned. “How so?”

“Just life, Josh. We’re going to have a new baby and after this mess with Tapestry is over, one or both of us will probably go back to work, there will be bills pay, bills to PASS and Republicans to slap around. We’re going to go from being alone 24 hours a day to probably being lucky if we even see much of each other at all.”

He was going to argue, but he thought about it for a minute. “You’re right,” he said quietly.

Surprised at his answer, Donna craned her neck to try and looked at him. “I am?”

“Sure, well partially. I will admit, our time together has been pretty intensive, and yes, when we get back to D.C. there will be a whole host of factors that will be thrown in with us, including this new little factor,” he said rubbing her belly gently. “But I also think that part of your logic is wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean the part about us being lucky if we see each other,” he elaborated. “Because I plan on spending a lot of time with you and MJ,” he said. 

“But all the hours we used to work...”

“Donna,” he interrupted quietly. “Did you ever stop to think that there were reasons why I worked so many hours?”

“I know,” she said. “Leo and the President.”

“Well, they were important parts of that, yes. Working with Leo and serving at the pleasure of the President have been two of the most important things I’ve ever done,” he replied. “But that’s not why I worked so many hours.”

“I don’t follow.”

“I worked so much because you were there,” he said softly. “Don’t you see? There was no reason to go home.”

Instant hot tears filling her eyes, Donna dropped the blanket and turned around in his arms. “Oh, Josh.”

He pulled her, belly and all, tightly against him. “Now that I’ve got you to come home to I think you’re going to see so much of me you’ll wish I was working those long hours again.”

“I love you so much,” she said tearfully. “I’m sorry I get like this. I just don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me.” Josh replied as he stroked a hand over her back while they continued to hang onto each other. “Unless it’s to hypothermia, that is. Can we go inside now?”

“Josh, I want to get married,” she blurted.

He frowned. “What?”

“I want to get married. Legally. Now, before we go back to D.C....before any more time passes.”

“Okay.”

She pulled back and looked at him. “Call it hormones or me being 8 months pregnant or having a girly moment...”

“Okay,” he repeated.

“I know since we got married here that’s all that should matter and it’s dangerous for us to officially get married right now...”

“Donna...”

“...but I want to be legally married before I have this baby and I’m just worried...”

“Donna...” he tried again. 

“...that when we get back to D.C., too much is going to be happening and MJ will graduate from high school before we have a chance to...” She frowned. “What did you say?”

He couldn’t help but smile. “I said okay.”

She frowned. “Okay?”

“Yeah, okay, we’ll get married before we go back.”

“But how?”

“At the moment, I’m not exactly sure.” He laid his hand on her cool cheek. “But we’ll make it work.”

**********  
Two days later, early morning of the day before their return to D.C....

Josh couldn’t remember ever being quite so cold. He tried rubbing his arms and stamping his feet but he couldn’t seem to get warm. He supposed it would have been easier if he’d actually been wearing a coat.

And where the hell was the light switch? It was so dark he couldn’t see his own hand in front of his face.

Turning to the right, Josh reached for a wall or a switch or...well for anything but the wall of blackness that surrounded him.

His action seemed to cause some kind of reaction and he felt the air around him begin to move. It wasn’t blowing at him but instead, he felt it swirl around him like a vortex. 

For a moment the darkness remained impenetrable, but then a pale light seemed to flicker into being and it too swirled around him like an insect. 

Oddly fascinated, Josh watched as it was joined by a second light and then a third and more and more until he realized that it wasn’t lights but small windows that were spinning around him. The light he was seeing was from the view beyond the windows.

The problem was that there weren’t enough windows for him to actually make out what he was seeing. But like a reverse jigsaw puzzle, the picture began to take focus as more windows appeared and like a flip book, they began to move faster and faster.

Colors whizzed by and suddenly, Josh realized what he was seeing.

“NO!” he screamed. 

There in front of him, surrounded by flowers, was a large, gleaming mahogany coffin.

He fought to move, to prove to himself that what he was seeing wasn’t real, but his feet were held firmly in place and he couldn’t even take a step.

As he watched, the flowers faded and the coffin slowly descended into the formless black ground. A gleaming rose marble monument rose in it’s place. It simply read...

“Here lies Beloved Wife and Mother Donnatella Katherine Moss Lyman.”

And beneath it...

“Beloved Daughter Monica Joan Lyman.”

As he read it, a baby’s cry filled his ears and an immense, wrenching sense of loss crashed through him. 

“NO!!” he screamed again.

He jerked awake and found himself in their quiet Las Vegas hotel suite, wrapped around a soundly sleeping Donna. He must have only screamed in his dream because she showed no signs of waking.

Breathing hard and not wanting to wake her now that she’d managed to get in a rare good night’s sleep, he pulled away from her a little to give himself a minute to calm down. A glance at the light coming in around the closed drapes told him it was early morning and focusing on the muted television he saw it was just after 5 am.

As he laid there, the events of the last 24 hours washed over him. 

To fulfill Donna’s desire to get married, they’d decided to go to Las Vegas. They could have gotten married in Arizona since the state didn’t require blood tests or waiting periods but they both thought it was a wise idea to get married outside of the state. That way nothing would point back to where they’d been living or give away the fact that they’d be flying out of Phoenix.

So, they permanently closed things up at the house a day early and made the trip to Nevada. During the 6 hour drive, Josh had stopped often so Donna could stretch her legs and use the bathroom. When they’d finally arrived, they’d checked into the Bellagio Hotel under an assumed name and paid cash for the room. They had to give their corresponding credit card for any incidentals, but they were careful not to charge anything to the room so it wouldn’t actually be used.

The plan was for them to go to the county clerk’s office for the license and find a justice of the peace or something to marry them. Once they were married, they’d leave immediately for Phoenix so even if someone traced their marriage license, they’d be out of Las Vegas before anyone could do anything about it. They’d spend their last night in Phoenix and then take the morning flight to Baltimore.

Feeling more calm, Josh carefully moved behind Donna and took his usual position of being spooned up behind her with his arm around her waist and his hand resting on her distended belly. Pressing his nose into her hair, he smiled when he could still smell the mango shampoo in her hair and the guava lotion they’d used on her skin at the hotel’s spa yesterday.

Rather than wandering around the casino where someone might spot them or staying completely holed up in their room, he thought Donna deserved a little pampering, so after they’d checked in, he’d treated her to an afternoon at the hotel’s spa. They even had a special pregnancy package that included a manicure, a pedicure, facial, a special light massage and a hair cut. Her hair was now cut into a short chin length bob and while he liked it better long, he loved the fact that having it short had cut off all the brown so it was once again her natural blonde color. 

Donna had only agreed to the pampering after getting Josh to treat himself too. He’d gotten a hair cut, a massage, and, after she’d goaded him into it, a manicure. He had to admit, afterwards, he’d felt more relaxed than he had in months.

After a light dinner, they’d come back upstairs and he’d made slow, tender love to her. He supposed her sound sleeping was due to a combination of the long car ride, the pampering and the love making. 

Josh felt the baby start kicking again under his hand and he rubbed her bare belly gently in an attempt to soothe the baby before she woke Donna. It seemed to work because the kicking slowed and then stopped and Donna continued breathing deeply and peacefully. The feeling of connection it gave to both of them also shook loose the remaining dregs of his nightmare.

With a smile at having done his part for mom and baby, he drew another breath of Donna’s hair and went back to sleep.

**********  
Later that morning...

“No, we are not getting married at the drive-thru window at the Little White Chapel,” Josh told her as they drove past the gaudily decorated building.

“What, you don’t think it would be kind of unique?” Donna teased him as he turned into the County Building parking lot. 

“It’s a little too unique for me,” Josh answered as he parked the car. “I’m not going to marry you like we’re going through the drive-thru at McDonald’s.” 

“Okay, okay, I was just kidding anyway,” she said with a grin. “A civil ceremony is really all I want.” 

Josh came around and helped her out of the car. “Well, even a civil ceremony isn’t my first choice. I’d rather give you a big wedding, but this is really the best we can do right now.”

Donna stopped behind the car and took his hand. “Josh, I want you to listen to me...I don’t need a big wedding,” she said gently. “I already had the important one, the one I’ll always remember.” She held up the new marriage license they’d just gotten at the county clerk’s office. “This one is simply for the piece of paper. Okay?”

He let out a breath. “Yeah, okay.”

“Good, then let’s go.”

They walked into the courthouse and found the Office of Civil Marriages on the first floor and went inside.

“Hello. Can I help you?” a young woman behind the counter greeted them.

“We’d like to get married,” Donna told her.

“Well, then you came to the right place,” the woman said with a soft smile. “Did you get your marriage license already?”

“Yes, I’ve got it right here,” Donna handed her the paper. Just as it had at the county clerk’s office, it amazed Donna that no one seemed to bat an eye at the fact that a man and a woman who was clearly almost nine months pregnant were getting married. She supposed in Las Vegas, they’d pretty much seen it all.

“Do you have a witness?”

Donna look at Josh and then back at the woman. “Oh, I’m sorry we didn’t think about that. Can’t you do it?”

“No, I’m sorry, it has to be someone who doesn’t work in this office,” she explained. “Oh, wait, it looks like it’s your lucky day, here’s another couple. Maybe they’ll be your witnesses.”

Josh and Donna turned to see a young twenty-something couple coming into the office. They hadn’t brought a witness either so it worked out well that they would be each others witnesses.

“The commissioner will be free in just a moment, he’s finishing up a call,” the woman said after they’d all signed in, shown their I.D. and their marriage licenses to her and paid the $50.00 fee. “Why don’t you have a seat.”

The four of them sat down on the wide padded bench she’d indicated and waited.

The female half of the other couple who had introduced herself as Shelby, smiled as she saw the t-shirt Donna was wearing. “Cute shirt.”

Donna looked down and smoothed a hand over the white t-shirt she was wearing that said, in big colorful letters, “SIMON SAYS: DON’T TOUCH THE BELLY.”

“Thanks. He got it for me,” she said jerking her head at Josh. “People were getting a little too touchy feely with my stomach and he knows I hate that.” 

“When are you due?” she asked politely. 

“In about two weeks,” Donna answered.

“Wow, that soon?” she asked a bit dreamy eyed. “Max and I want to start a family too. Don’t we, snookie, wookie?”

“Whatever you say, pumpkin, lumpkin,” he answered rubbing his nose against hers Eskimo style.

Donna could feel herself getting a cavity from the overly sweet tone of their conversation and she leaned over to whisper in Josh’s ear. “Okay, I feel about 300 years old.”

Josh smirked at her and whispered back. “Well, then how old does that make me?”

He was saved from a sarcastic comeback by the Commissioner’s arrival.

“Hi everyone, sorry to keep you waiting. If you’ll come with me, we’ll get you all married.”

It happened really fast from there. A few minutes later, Josh and Donna stood arm-in- arm in front of a wide desk as the Commissioner began.

“Do you, Donnatella Katherine Moss, take Joshua Lyman as your lawfully wedded husband? To have to hold from this day forward, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer and forsaking all others as long as you both shall live?”

A tear trailed down Donna’s cheek as she looked at Josh and answered. “I do.”

“And do you, Joshua Lyman, take Donnatella Katherine Moss as your lawfully wedded wife? To have to hold from this day forward, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer and forsaking all others as long as you both shall live?”

Looking at Donna, Josh reached up and brushed her tear away as he answered. “I do.”

“Then by the power vested in me by Clark County and the State of Nevada, I now pronounce you husband and wife,” he smiled. “You may now kiss your bride.” 

***********  
At the same moment back in D.C....

Using his binoculars, Stone looked out over the scene. He had a clear view of both the front and side entrances of the courthouse and the people going in and out of it like ants. 

The courthouse was not his first choice as a location for the hit. He would have preferred the airport or the safe house Casper would surely have her and Lyman tucked into or some place in between. 

The problem was that Casper had pulled the net so tightly around the target that information about her movements had been nearly non-existent. He hadn’t been able to get anything on the location of the safe house or the time, location or method of her return to D.C. from wherever she’d been hiding.

He considered trying to follow Casper to see if he would lead him to the target, but with everyone in the free freaking world looking for him, it was too risky for him. With the high profile trial and the risk of their own exposure, his contacts hadn’t been willing to follow Casper either. To make matters worse, he knew that Casper had been using a lot of assets from Secret Service where Stone himself had virtually no contacts.

The only solid information he’d been able to get on the target’s movements had come from the mole in the prosecutor’s office. He knew that she was scheduled to testify the day after tomorrow.

So the courthouse had become his best chance to finish what he’d started so long ago.

It had been no easy trick securing the small office in the building across the street from the courthouse. Luckily, it was a private office building and not a government one. It had also cost him a pretty penny to rent the office space and set up a dummy corporation complex enough not to be spotted by any FBI check. But apparently he’d done a good job because no one had looked twice at him. 

It helped that he was using a false identity, he’d colored his hair jet black, started wearing colored contact lenses, and had almost gotten rid of his limp. He’d also gotten there a month before the trial had started just to throw off anyone who might be looking for him. 

And he’d put that time to good use. After obtaining a copy of the courthouse plans, he’d done numerous on-site reconnaissance visits. With the information he’d gathered, he’d done a tactical analysis and examined the four possible entrances Casper might use to get the target into the building. 

The first was an underground entrance that was used for bringing prisoners into the courthouse. Casper wouldn’t use that one because he wouldn’t risk the target being around criminals or other dangerous people.

The second was an almost equally secure entrance from the courthouse parking garage. Normally Casper would have preferred that entrance but they COULDN’T use it because a new wing was being added to the parking garage and that entrance was torn up and temporarily unusable. 

The two remaining entrances were the front entrance and a side entrance used by judges and staff. 

From his past tactical experience, Stone knew it was unlikely that Casper would take the target in through the main entrance. The distance from the car, up the steps to the front entrance would be too great and they would be exposed for too long. Not to mention, that with all the coverage the trial was receiving, the press had been swarming all over the front of the courthouse, making it a less than secure scene.

That left the staff entrance as their most likely route. It wasn’t heavily traveled so it would be much easier to secure. And while there was no canopy or cover to protect them, it would still be attractive to Casper due to the fact that the distance from the car to the door was relatively short. 

Well, the side entrance was fine with him. He could make it work. What’s more, he thrived on a challenge. It made a successful kill that much sweeter.

Despite the fact that the office building he was using was set back quite a ways from the street and the courthouse beyond, its location was perfect. His clear field of view from above and at an angle to the side entrance would be optimal and the high powered sniper rifle he’d secured would more than make up for the distance issue. 

He was pretty sure that their biggest tactical concern was for someone with a hand gun walking up and trying to shoot the target. They’d never suspect a sniper. They’d probably even be wearing bullet proof vests. 

The problem with bullet proof vests was they were designed to defend against bullets from a hand gun. As rifles were designed for deep penetration of a target, even Kevlar generally couldn’t stop shots fired from one. 

He was banking on the lack of a crowd and the vests giving them a false sense of security. 

In the mean time, he had to admit that the FBI and the Secret Service had definitely been doing their part to secure the area.

There had been two sweeps of the building by both agencies since he’d been there, but his informants had given him some warning the agents were coming and he’d been able to avoid them. And, in the off chance that someone should happen to show up unexpectedly, he’d also installed a small, undetectable safe room at one end of the office that he could slip into. 

He smiled as he saw Casper and the Secret Service puke Butterfield stop in front of the courthouse to talk and apparently do another site evaluation. Cocking his finger at them he made a little shooting motion. By the time he got done, they wouldn’t know what hit them.

‘Not long to wait now,’ he thought. ‘Not long at all.’

He’d thought of everything. Even two separate escape routes he could use after the job was done. 

There was no way he could fail.


	38. Chances

Chapter 38

Donna walked out of the airport bathroom near their boarding gate and walked over to Josh who was smirking at her madly.

“What’s that look for?” she asked as he handed her back her small carry-on bag.

“What look?” he said innocently as they started for the gate.

“The smirk,” she clarified. “You were smirking.”

“Was I?”

“You were,” she insisted. “What, did you see some beautiful, thin, non-waddling woman coming out of the bathroom behind me?”

“Nope, just you,” he said as he handed the gate agent their tickets. They’d arrived a bit late on purpose so they wouldn’t be sitting around long in case someone was looking for them.

“Well, then what gives with the smirk?” she asked as they started down the jet way.

An odd little smile crossed his face. “It’s nothing.”

“It didn’t look like nothing, now spill.” 

The smile turned into a grin. “I just like the way you look now is all.”

Trying to decide if she should smack him or not, she gave him a sideways look. “Oh, and just how do I look?”

“You know, all…pregnant.” The smirk emerged again as they neared the end of the jet way. “And I really like that I’m the one who got you that way.”

Donna rolled her eyes. “This is a your ‘I’m da’ man’ moment, isn’t it?”

“Absolutely,” he said as they reached the open door of the plane and he stopped and turned to her. “And for the record, you look gorgeous and you have a cute waddle.” 

With that, he leaned in to kiss her. The kiss was meant to be light and sweet but Donna, whose sex drive had never suffered during her pregnancy, brought her hand up to tangle in his hair as she deepened the kiss. 

“Hey, you lovebirds…the quicker you get on board, the quicker we can get where we’re going and you two can get a room,” a voice teased from doorway of the plane. 

They looked up and saw a bemused captain, co-pilot, and three stewardesses standing near the doorway of the plane watching them.

“Sorry,” Donna said with a completely unapologetic grin as she carefully stepped into the plane.

“I’m guessing you’re Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell?” the apparently head stewardess said with a smile. Her name tag identified her as ‘Nancy’ and they recognized her voice as the one who had teased them earlier.

“Yes, that’s us. What gave it away?” Donna asked patting her belly. 

“Well, we don’t get many passengers that are as far along as you are, so I took a wild guess,” she said. “Do you have your travel certificate?”

“Yes, it’s right here,” Donna replied handing her the note from Dr. Evers that said Donna was fit to fly.

Nancy glanced over the document and handed it back. “Well, everything looks in order. Why don’t you two take your seats in first class. We have a light flight today and according to our manifest you’re the last passengers we were waiting for so we can leave as soon as you’re settled.”

“Thank you,” Donna said as she maneuvered around the corner to their seats in the second row of first class. There was only one other person in first class. The rest of the seats were empty. From the look she’d gotten of coach as she’d walked to her seat, it was only about half full.

Setting her bag in the aisle seat, Donna moved over to the window seat. Although it would mean a little more maneuvering when she got up to use the bathroom or to stretch her legs, Josh wanted to be between her and the aisle and he promised not to mind getting up for her when she needed to move around. 

“Can I get you two anything before we take off?” Nancy asked them as Josh got their carry-on luggage settled.

“Can I just have a bottle of water?” Donna asked. “Cold if you have it.”

“I’ll have the same,” Josh said shoving their larger wheeled carry-on into the overhead bin.

“Sure,” she said as she disappeared into the galley and Josh took his seat.

“I’ve never flown first class before,” Donna told him.

Josh grinned. “Well, our usual method of flying over the last 6 years has pretty much made even first class look feel like we’re riding in the cargo hold,” he said, not wanting to mention Air Force One out loud.

“Yeah, I guess we did get pretty spoiled,” she agreed. “But I’m still going to enjoy first class while I can.”

Nancy returned with their water. “Let me know if there’s anything else you need during the flight.”

“Thank you,” Josh said taking the waters and handing one to Donna as Nancy went over to close the main cabin door. “So, you doing okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,“ she replied as he fussed with her seat belt. She could all but feel the apprehension coming off of him. “How are YOU?”

Trying to look calm and collected, he shrugged. “I’m great, why?”

As the plane pushed back from the gate, she laid her hand on his. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I know,” he said, not really sounding like it. 

“I’m fine, the baby’s fine,” she said trying to reassure him. “And no one but Mike and Ron know we’re flying in. Ron’s going to pick us up at the place and we’ll get a little sleep and in the morning we’ll go to the thing. It really is going to be okay.”

“I know,” he said again, trying to sound a little more convinced. “We’ve been over everything and we’ve planned out every move, but I guess it’s just hard now that we’re coming down to the wire.” He looked at her. “I know you’ve been worried too.”

“I won’t lie to you, despite all our planning, I have been worried…I do worry,” she said gently patting her bulging stomach. “And I’m worrying for two now, you know,” she added trying to make light of it. “That’s a lot of worry.”

He laid his hand lovingly on her belly. “WE’RE worrying for two,” he said. Leaning over he gave her a quick kiss. Hearing the engines rev up as the plane started to taxi to the far end of the runway, he broke the kiss and sat back. 

“Speaking of which, are you sure you’re all strapped in?” he asked as he checked her seatbelt for the four hundredth time to make sure she was secure and that the belt was comfortably low across her hips.

Donna laid her hand over his again. “You’re going to be a great dad, Josh.”

Frowning, he looked a little taken aback by her comment. “What brought that on?”

“It’s just that you’ve been so great at taking care of me and, by extension, the baby,” she replied. “I don’t think I tell you that enough. It makes me think what a good dad you’re going to be.”

He looked at her with a small grin that was both humble and a little unsure. “Yeah? You really think so?”

“I know so.”

He turned his hand around so it linked with hers. “Thanks,” he said quietly as the plane took its place at the end of the runway. “Just promise me something, will you?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“I know what I said about working fewer hours and everything and I meant it, but if I start missing the important things, promise me you’ll tell me...no, don’t just tell me. Do whatever it takes to make me listen so I DON’T miss them.”

As the plane surged forward and began to pick up speed, Donna gave his hand a little squeeze. “Don’t worry.” She grinned. “If that happens, I’ll just smack you around until you cry uncle and start paying attention.”

He chuckled as the plane lifted off the ground. “Oh, good, I feel so much better.”

**********  
Somewhere over Missouri...

“Stop it,” Donna murmured as she tried to read her magazine.

Josh looked over at her with a frown. “What? I’m not doing anything.”

“Not you,” she said with a sigh. “Stop it,” she said again, this time looking down at her belly.

“What’s wrong?” Josh asked her.

“Nothing, your daughter is kicking me,” she explained.

“Isn’t it a little early to be doing the ‘she’s your daughter when she’s bad’ thing?”

She tried to focus on her magazine. “Not from where I’m sitting it’s not…stop it,” she admonished again.

He stared at her with a slightly bemused expression on his face. “Can I feel?” 

Laying her magazine down on the small divider between them she took his hand and laid it on the top right side of her belly. 

Suddenly, under his hand, Josh felt a surprisingly hard jab against his fingers. Of course, it wasn’t the first time he’d felt the baby kicking but he was pretty sure it was the hardest he’d felt. It also never ceased to humble and amaze him that Donna carried a life...a piece of both of them, inside her.

“Wow, she’s really active today,” he said, feeling another kick. “Do you think that means she likes flying?”

“I think it means she’s going to be a soccer player or the first female place kicker for the Washington Redskins,” Donna said absently as she picked up her magazine and re-read the same paragraph for the third time. “Or she could just like to annoy me.” She glanced at him with a smirk. “You know, like father, like daughter.”

Josh leaned over to her. “Well, if that’s the case, we only do it because we adore how you look when you get annoyed.” He gave her a light kiss, then he bent down so his mouth was near his hand on her belly. “Hey, kiddo, can you give your mom a break?” 

Of course, the kicking instantly stopped.

“God, I am in so much trouble,” she muttered looking up at the cabin ceiling. “She’s going to be such a daddy’s girl.”

Leaving his hand resting on her belly, as much for his own peace of mind than anything else, he grinned smugly and sat back in his seat. “Yep, all the girls fall for my charm eventually.”

Turning to look at him, she snorted. “I think you’ve got that backward. You’re going to be in more trouble than I am. She’s going to be the one with all the charm and you’re going to be wrapped around her little finger.”

He grinned back at her. “Well, you know, like mother, like daughter.”

“Oh, Josh…that was so…” Tears welled in her eyes. “…so…sweet.”

Even though he still hated to see her cry, he’d gotten a little more accustomed to her hormonally induced water works. As had become his habit, he carried a handkerchief, which he pulled out for her. As the tears spilled over her lashes and down her cheeks, he dabbed at them gently. 

“No crying now,” he soothed. “You know the doctor said you need to stay calm and not get upset.” 

“I know,” she sniffed. “Sorry.” She closed her eyes and took a couple deep breaths.

“Here have some water,” he said, handing her a bottle. 

“Thanks,” she said after taking two careful sips and regaining some of her composure. “You know, Josh, at some point we’re going to have to talk to Mike about letting us take care of some baby stuff.”

“Baby stuff?” Josh asked with a frown.

“Yes, Josh, baby stuff. Except for the Lamaze class we took last month we haven’t done anything else to prepare for MJ’s birth. I know that was because we were in Arizona and were going to be leaving and didn’t want to have to ship stuff back to D.C. but we’re running out of time. We don’t have an obstetrician or hospital picked out for the delivery, except for the few little outfits that I couldn’t keep from buying, we have almost no baby clothes, no baby furniture, no stroller, no diapers, no nothing. Babies need stuff Josh, a lot of stuff and we have NO stuff.”

Josh looked at her for a minute. “She has us and that’s a great start for any kid,” he said. “Besides we need to see where Mike is going to be putting us up so we know how much room we’re going to have.” He leaned a little closer to her. “And between you and me, I’m sure we can pull things together. We’re going to have two or three weeks. Mike’s just going to have to arrange some way for us to get the stuff we need.”

“Well, he’d better,” she said firmly. “‘Cause I’m not going to have our baby sleeping in a box or a drawer or something.”

Josh gave her a lopsided smile. “A drawer?”

“Yeah, you know like those old movies where the family is so big they have no room for the kids so they pull out a dresser drawer and put blankets in it and the babies sleep in there,” she explained. “I’m not doing that. I’LL sleep in a drawer before MJ does.”

He chuckled. “Donna, we’re not reenacting a scene from The Grapes of Wrath or anything,” he told her. “Our baby will not have to sleep in a drawer.” He kissed her hand. “And neither will you.”

“Well…you just be sure you tell Mike that,” she said firmly.

Josh loved it when she got all ‘mother tigress’ about the baby. She really was going to be a great mother. 

“Okay, I will, I promise,” he told her. “If nothing else, we can buy stuff online and have it shipped to the White House or Toby or wherever.”

“Oh, I hadn’t thought about that,” she said, instantly brightening. ”We could do that, couldn’t we?”

He grinned at her. “Yeah, and with my credit card in hand, I have every confidence that you’ll be able to easily cut a wide swatch through all our baby ‘stuff’ needs.”

**********

As it turned out, they were a lot more prepared for the baby’s arrival than they realized. After Ron picked them up at the airport and drove them out to the small three bedroom house in suburban Maryland where Mike was waiting for them, they found a truckload of baby stuff.

Mike told them that Mrs. Bartlet, along with help from Margaret, Ginger, Carol and Debbie, had thrown a huge baby shower for them a month earlier and it had netted them pretty much everything they needed. Including a bassinet and a crib for the baby to sleep in. Since no one knew the sex of the baby, they’d used yellow ducks as a theme. 

The bedroom that Josh and Donna would be using had a alcove that would be perfect as a small nursery. Ron and Mike had put all the furniture together and done a little painting to make it ready for the new bundle of joy. Mrs. Bartlet had even passed on the name of an obstetrician that came highly recommended.

Donna had loved everything so much she’d cried for nearly a half an hour.

Despite the wonderful presents and the simple but nice house Mike had provided, neither Josh nor Donna got much sleep that night. Maybe it was being in a new place. Maybe it was the small army of guards and agents protecting them. Maybe it was the excitement of the last few days. Maybe it was testifying at the trial.

For Josh, a large part of it was a deep sense of foreboding that he managed to keep to himself. 

For Donna, a lot of it was the baby kicking and not being able to get comfortable.

In any case, neither of them were feeling especially bright eyed or bushy-tailed the next morning. All of which meant they were both a little cranky as they as they sat side-by-side in the back seat of a Suburban with Mike and Ron. Their car was one of three that were full of agents caravanning to the courthouse. 

“God, this thing is hot and uncomfortable,” Donna said as she tugged at the front of the bullet proof vest she was wearing under her wool coat. It was heavy and confining and she felt almost like she was wearing a modified corset. “Are you sure it’s really necessary?”

“We just want to be prepared, Donna,” Mike said. “It’s why you and Josh are both wearing one.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t have to wear one that’s almost a dress,” she pointed out. 

The ‘vest’ Mike had obtained for her was a longer version of the standard issue one Josh was wearing. It had what was called, ‘additional groin protection’ therefore making it go down lower over the hips so it covered most of the abdomen. In Donna’s case it covered her extended belly very efficiently, but gapped somewhat around her bust line. 

“Well, I got you the longer one because I assumed you wanted to protect your precious cargo there,” Mike countered. “Actually it was hard finding one that I thought would fit you right.”

“Is that a crack about my size?” she snapped.

Mike was a little taken aback by her comment. The night before, Donna had been the same sweet and funny person he remembered. She’d been thankful for all he and the other agents had done and she and Josh were clearly over the moon for each other. So he was baffled by her current behavior. Then again, he hadn’t been around many pregnant women either.

“Donna,” Josh chided gently. “Of course, he wasn’t making a crack.”

“If it helps, you won’t have to wear it for long. Just until we get inside the courthouse,” Mike added even though it was clear that Donna’s attention was now focused on Josh. 

Donna watched Josh sipping on his coffee and for the first time in her pregnancy, she was green with jealousy that he was able to drink coffee and she wasn’t.

“You couldn’t have finished that before we left?” she asked.

Josh stopped the cup mid-way to his mouth. “This is my second one,” he defended. “I finished the first one before we left the house.”

“Well, I just wish you wouldn’t flaunt your coffee drinking in front of me.”

Mike and Ron exchanged glances but remained wisely silent. They recognized a growing spat when they saw one.

“I’m not flaunting it. I’m just trying to wake up.”

“Yes, and you know I can’t, so by drinking not one but TWO cups of coffee, you’re flaunting the fact that YOU can drink it and I can’t.”

Josh let his lack of sleep and the unshakeable sense of foreboding get the better of him. “No, I’m not! I need to awake and alert today. Is that all right with you?” he snapped.

“Just what the hell do you mean by that?” 

Behind his sunglasses, Josh closed his eyes. “God I can’t wait for this day to be over,” he muttered. He let out a breath and tried to get a grip on his temper. “Look, Donna...”

“Just forget it,” she said turning way from him to stare out the window at the cold, clear morning. 

Even though she was wearing sunglasses so he couldn’t be sure, Josh thought he’d caught the hint of tears in her voice and felt instantly guilty. Granted she was in a bad mood too, but with her hormones and fatigue he could hardly blame her. He, on the other hand, was just in a bad mood because he was worried about her and taking it out on her wasn’t helping either of them. She was the last person he should be fighting with right now.

Resigned to being the peacemaker, he silently handed the coffee cup to Mike who passed it to the agent in the front passenger seat to put out of sight.

“Donna?” Josh said quietly as he laid his hand on hers. “I’m sorry, you’re right, I shouldn’t be drinking so much coffee in front of you.”

She didn’t pull her hand away from his which he took as a good sign, but she also didn’t respond and she didn’t look away from the window.

“Donna?” he prompted. “You okay?” 

Without looking away from the window, she shook her head.

Instantly going into protective mode, Josh leaned in closer. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m tired, hot, sore, hormonal, and uncomfortable, is what’s wrong,” she exclaimed looking at him so quickly, he had to shift back so she didn’t smack him in the nose. “And what’s more, I’m tired of being pregnant!”

Josh saw tears seep out from under her sunglasses and he gave her what he hoped was a calming smile as he gave her hand a squeeze. “Donna…”

“I know that makes me horrible, but I’m just ready to have this baby already!” she said as she started crying in earnest.

Mike and Ron both had half panicked expressions on their faces. Gunmen they could handle. Bombs and grenades were no sweat. But a sobbing pregnant woman was terrifying territory for both of them.

Luckily for them, Josh had gotten used to it and knew just what to do.

Carefully removing her sunglasses, he pulled out his handkerchief and dabbed at her damp cheeks. “It doesn’t make you horrible,” he soothed. “It makes you human.”

“I’m going to be…pregnant…forever,” she said as her crying melted down into little hiccups.

“No, not forever,” he said trying to keep up with wiping away her tears. “Only two or three more weeks.”

“When you’re as big as a house that sounds like forever,” she said wetly. “I want to see my feet again, wear regular clothes again, I want my back not to hurt and I want to drink regular coffee!” 

With all the layers they were both wearing, Josh couldn’t do much but pull her into an awkward hug. “I know you do,” he said comfortingly. “Hey, how about this, just as soon as you can have it again, I’ll treat you to any kind of coffee you want from anywhere. Heck, I’ll even take you to Columbia and you can get it straight from Juan Valdez.”

That started her crying again but they were the allowed happy tears. “Ohhh, Josh, you do love me!” she said laughing through her tears.

Josh couldn’t help but laugh with her as they continued to hug. “What? You just figured that out NOW?” Josh pulled back to look at her. “And hey, in the meantime, when we get back to the house why don’t we see what we can do to make you feel more comfortable?”

She managed a tremulous smile. “What did you have in mind?”

Josh smirked. “Well, we could kick the guards out of our room and I’ll treat you to a little naked time and the famous Josh Lyman foot and back massage.”

Her smile brightened even more. “I like the sound of that.”

Mike cleared his throat loudly. “We’re almost there.”

“Oh, I must look terrible,” Donna said.

“No, not at all,” Josh told her. “Just wipe your eyes and blow your nose and you’ll be fine.”

Using the handkerchief, she swiped at the remnants of her tears. “But my eyes and nose are red and puffy,” she said as she blew her nose.

Josh handed the sunglasses back to her. “Wear these until we get inside the courthouse. Your eyes will be better by then. As for your nose, since it’s cold outside everyone’s noses will look a little red. No one will notice.”

Slipping on the sunglasses, she stuffed the handkerchief in her coat pocket and took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

“You ready?” Josh asked her as their caravan turned onto constitution and headed for the courthouse.

Taking his hand, she gave it a squeeze. “Ready.”

Donna was glad to have a few minutes to finish pulling herself together as they drove the final blocks to the courthouse.

Josh on the other hand, only got more anxious the closer they got. 

“Please tell me we’re not going in that way,” Donna said as they drove past the courthouse and the crowds of press that all but congested the front steps.

Mike smiled. “No, no. It’s too crowded and you’d be too exposed. We’ll go in through a side entrance.”

“Oh, good,” Donna said, relieved. The idea of having to wade through the crowd of press was not a pleasant thought.

The three Suburbans turned into the driveway and pulled around to the side of the building. Agents poured out of the vehicles in front and behind them as they secured the area. One of the agents came and knocked on Mike’s window.

“Okay, let’s go,” Mike said. Opening the door, he climbed out and was closely followed by Ron.

Josh got out next but turned back to help Donna maneuver her way out. Once she was out, the agents formed a loose circle around them. Josh took hold of Donna’s arm so she didn’t trip or stumble and they started walking the 30 or so feet to the staff entrance.

Josh couldn’t explain it, but he had the oddest feeling. Almost like someone was sitting on his shoulder telling him to hurry because time was running out. Josh never thought of himself as psychic, in fact he thought that kind of thing was pretty much ridiculous. But he kept having this weird feeling that something bad was about to happen. Usually he needed facts, numbers, and tangible things to convince him. Intangibles like this feeling had never held much weight. 

Before now, that is.

“Josh, you don’t have to…hold my arm so tight,” she said quietly as he hurried her toward the entrance. “At this rate, I’m going to have…bruises,” she added a bit breathlessly. “And could we…slow down…a little?” 

With the baby nestled up against her diaphragm, she got winded a little easily. The extra 15 pounds of body armor and the wool coat they had her strapped into didn’t help either.

“We need to get you inside and under cover as soon as possible,” Josh said. “We can stop to rest a minute then. Come on, it’s not much farther,” he urged.

One of the agents leading their group, had already gotten to the door and was holding it open for them. They all filed into the long, wide corridor and Mike lead the way to the elevator and up to the second floor. 

Rather than having to sit in the main courtroom, Mike had already arranged for a small room where they could wait more comfortably and securely for the bailiff to call Donna when they were ready for her to testify. The first thing Donna did was take off her coat and her vest.

Although she was originally scheduled to testify in the morning portion of the trial, things dragged a bit and after a number of sidebars and delays, the bailiff informed them that her testimony had been moved to the first thing after lunch. Donna was not pleased by the delay, but Josh tried to keep her occupied by using a deck of cards from her purse and letting her beat him at gin rummy. 

Rather than having to secure a place for them to go and eat, Mike had lunch brought in for them. Donna couldn’t wait to get her testimony done and asked if they could leave right after she was finished in the courtroom. The seats in the waiting room weren’t very comfortable and sitting so much was making her back hurt. 

Mike agreed they could leave right after she was done. Actually, he preferred it as there would be less activity if they were able to leave before the regular court session got out. 

As planned, Donna’s testimony took place after lunch. She was on the stand for almost an hour and a half. After all the months of hiding and using aliases, to finally be able to stand up and swear an oath using her full and current name of Donnatella Katherine Moss Lyman felt a little odd.

In a way, though, she was grateful to have had those 10 months to prepare for that day. Despite her hormones and the stress she was under, she knew the passage of time had lessened the emotional element of her testimony. Part of her felt a little detached to finally talk about everything that had happened, but she knew it made her a better witness. 

Her voice was steady and clear as she spoke and yet still managed to tug at the sympathy of the jury as she recounted the events that led up to her appearance in the courtroom; that night in Amy’s office, the promise she made to Amy to find the documents and bring her killers to justice, being initially assaulted by Stone in her apartment, the events of that terrible night out at the lake, and finally Stone’s attacks on her and Josh when they were in Indiana and Chicago. Her account was riveting to say the least.

The only real challenge to her testimony came from the defense attorney when he questioned her extensively about specific things that were said during her encounters with Stone. It was clear he was trying to build a case for Stone acting alone or at the very least working only with Congressman McTierney, rather than having any connection to Jameson or Tapestry.

Donna, however, didn’t give him much help. She clearly recounted things that Stone had said in Amy’s office and at her apartment that pointed toward Stone working as part of a larger conspiracy. When it was clear that Donna was not going to give him the huge opening he needed, the defense attorney finally wrapped up his questioning.

Despite the fact that she was tired and sore and terribly uncomfortable in the stiff witness chair, Donna was outwardly the picture of grace under fire. Through her whole time on the stand she never fidgeted or got rattled or upset by anything they threw at her. As Mike and Ron watched the proceedings on the closed circuit TV in the waiting room, Mike commented that she made an excellent witness.

As for Josh, he spent the whole time she was on the stand pacing the waiting room like a caged lion. He knew he should have been relieved that nothing had happened to her so far and now that she was finally testifying the danger to her life would be a lot less, but he still couldn’t shake the bad feeling he had.

“Well, that was surreal,” Donna commented as she was led back into the waiting room. “Not to mention a little anti-climactic. All this time, a little over 10 months, and it comes down to about 90 minutes.”

“You were terrific,” Josh said as he enveloped her in a hug. “I’m so proud of you.”

Donna let out a relieved breath and hugged him back. “Thanks.”

“I know it must have been hard to talk about everything again.”

“Not as hard as I expected,” she replied. “It was actually kind of…cathartic.”

He pulled back to look at her. “How do you feel now?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted honestly. “It’s kind of weird. After everything, Amy dying and us on the run and the scandal over the documents…and now suddenly, it’s over. Feels a little like an empty victory, I guess.” She paused. “I mean I know it’s great that they probably won’t be shooting at us anymore and we can have some kind of a life again, at least once they catch Stone, but…”

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “But what?”

“I thought I’d be more…elated or happy, but really, I just wish…” Her voice trailed off.

He thought he saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes. “What? What do you wish?”

“I wish Amy were here to see it,” she said with quiet tears.

Josh felt himself getting surprisingly bit emotional along with her and he felt the sting of unshed tears in his own eyes as he blinked them back. “Yeah, she would have loved this moment.”

“This was all her doing, you know,” Donna pointed out as a tear rolled down her cheek. “And I mean that in a good way. She was the one who got things started. If she hadn’t put together all that information and if she hadn’t managed to tell me where I could find the documents, bringing these people down would have been impossible.”

“In a way, though, I wish she hadn’t started us down this road.” Josh brushed the tear gently off her cheek. “It would have saved you a lot of pain.” 

Staring at his arm, she ran a hand over his bicep where she knew the scar from her impromptu surgery in Chicago still remained. “It would have saved you from getting shot again too,“ she said quietly. 

“Yeah,” Josh agreed.

Her gaze shifted back up to his face. “But, you know, Josh, when all is said and done, I’m glad that the last 10 months happened the way they did.” Her hand slid down to clasp his. “It brought us together and I wouldn’t trade what we have now or this baby for anything.”

He pulled her back into a hug and drew in the scent of her. “I wouldn’t either.”

They held each other for a long moment, just enjoying the fact that they’d come so far together and that having Donna’s testimony out of the way meant they could focus on the future and starting their impending family.

“Take me home, Josh,” she said in a soft voice that held just the hint of tears.

He pulled back and smiled at her. “There’s nothing I want more.”

Behind him, Donna saw Mike pick up the bullet proof vest and she looked at him warily. “Do I really have to put that thing back on, Mike? I mean, I’m all done testifying and everything. It shouldn’t be as dangerous for me now, right?” she asked hopefully.

“You really should wear it, Donna,” Mike put in. “At least until we get you back into the car.”

With the feeling of foreboding still chewing at him, Josh couldn’t help but agree. “Please Donna? Wear it for me. I’m going to wear mine.”

Knowing when she was out voted and out numbered, Donna surrendered. “Okay, okay, let’s get it over with.”

It didn’t take long for Mike to get her strapped into the vest again and Josh helped her on with her coat. They waited for a moment for Mike to get clearance for them to head out to the Suburban, and they finally got underway. 

“I’m sure going to be glad when we get back to the house,” Donna said as they and their entourage stepped into the elevator to go back downstairs. “My back is killing me from sitting in the witness chair.”

Josh took her arm again and gave her a sideways look. “You don’t suppose...”

“What?” she asked with a frown.

“You don’t think you’re in labor, do you?” he asked tentatively. “Some of the books I read said early labor can seem like progressively worsening back pain.”

“No,” she said shaking her head. “I mean, I haven’t been in labor before so I guess I can’t be sure, but honestly, I think it’s just from sitting so much in uncomfortable chairs.” The elevator doors opened and she sighed tiredly as they walked out. “But I really am looking forward to getting some rest. I’m exhausted.”

Josh slipped an arm around her waist as they started down the corridor. “We’ll be back to the house in no time.”

Stepping out in the cool afternoon sunshine, Donna took a little breath. After testifying, she felt a little cleansed...a little lighter. Emotionally anyway. The rest of her body, however, felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.

Because it seemed to ease the pain in her back just a little, Donna kept her head down and leaned forward a bit as they walked toward the waiting Suburban.

As she was moving, suddenly, mid-step, the baby kicked her…hard. Rearing up suddenly she gasped and was just forming the thought to turn to tell Josh she was okay when the world shattered and her shoulder exploded.

Hearing the shots, Josh and Mike shoved Donna to the ground and Josh covered her with his own body as Mike crouched behind him as he and the other agents, who had closed formation around them, searched frantically for where the shots were coming from.

It didn’t take them long to pinpoint where it was and they all started firing at the same time, but for some reason it didn’t seem to be slowing down the gunman.

Suddenly, a heavy weight fell across Josh’s legs all but trapping him and Donna in place. Looking down, he saw it was Mike...and he wasn’t moving. 

Although it made part of him sick to do it, Josh had to shove Mike off of them. 

Frantically, he kicked at Mike’s dead weight without releasing his hold on Donna and shielded her as best he could. He wanted to help Mike, but his first concern was for her. 

Just as he managed to get free of Mike’s weight, Josh jerked as a searing pain tore through his leg, but he didn’t have time to process what it was. 

“Hold on, Donna,” he whispered among the chaos. “Just hold on.”

Seeing Mike go down, Ron took charge of the situation. He ordered half the agents to the building across the street to flush out the gunman and the remaining agents to scoop and run.

With that command, agents descended on Josh and Donna. Ron and another agent grabbed a now panicked Josh away from Donna. No easy feat with Josh fighting them and all but screaming to stay with her.

“Josh! She’s coming too!!!” Ron screamed back at him. 

When Josh saw that four other agents had already grabbed Donna and were bodily carrying her back in through the staff entrance, he stopped fighting and let them lead him after her.

The few people who had ventured into the corridor when the shooting and commotion had started, scattered as Josh, Donna, Ron, Mike and the other agents and wounded poured inside. Ron was already on the radio calling for back up and medical assistance.

“What’s wrong with your leg?!” Ron asked as he got done on the radio and noticed Josh was limping.

“I don’t know. A cramp or something, it doesn’t matter,” he said pushing away from Ron to go to Donna.

“Josh,” Ron said quietly as he caught Josh’s arm. “You’ve been shot.”

Josh looked down and saw blood staining his pants and running down over his shoe. It looked like he’d been shot in the thigh. That must have been the pain he’d felt earlier. A wave of disconnectedness rushed over him and he must have swayed because Ron’s hold tightened on his arm.

Just then his vision focused on Donna and he realized that even though they’d laid her down, she wasn’t moving. With mounting horror, he saw her body had left a smear of blood on the tile floor as they’d dragged her inside and he realized that she must have been hit. It shocked him out of his own panic attack and he shoved down everything but his concern for her.

“Donna!”

Pulling away from Ron again, he ignored the pain in his leg as he dropped down beside her. 

“Donna?” he said trying to calm his voice.

Getting no response from her, Josh felt his panic level shoot through the roof.

“Donna, wake up,” he said with a note of desperate command.

Josh framed her face in his hands. “Donna!” he yelled. “Come on, don’t do this!”

“Josh...” Ron said, trying to tug him back.

“No!” Josh yelled pushing him away and looking back at her still unconscious form. “Donna! Stop fooling around. Open your eyes and look at me!”

That finally seemed to reach her and her eyes slowly fluttered open. “Josh?” she whispered groggily.

Relief rolled through him and gripping her hand, he brushed some hair away from her face. “I’m right here.”

“Hurts,” she gasped.

“Where? Where’s does it hurt?”

“It just…hurts.”

“Okay, help is on the way,” he assured her. “You’ve just got to hang in there.”

In the distance, the sounds of gunfire finally ceased, but neither of them noticed.

She seemed to start to fade again. “So tired...”

“No, Donna, you have to stay awake,” he said firmly. “Do you hear me? Stay awake!”

Her eyes fluttered closed but she continued trying to speak as if what she had to get out was important enough to fight her fading consciousness. “Josh...” she murmured.

“I’m still here,” he said stroking her cheek.

“Promise...” she mumbled.

“What? I didn’t hear you.”

“Promise me...”

Josh frowned. “Promise you what?”

“If you...have to choose...”

His frown deepened. “Choose what?”

“...me or...the baby.”

Josh’s heart sank into floor. “No, Donna, God, don’t say that.”

Her eyes fluttered half way open. “Promise...” 

Josh felt tears spring into his eyes. “No, I can’t, please don’t ask me to.” 

“Our baby...has to live,” she said softly. Her breathing had taken on a slight wheeze and she seemed to be working hard to breathe. “Please...” she pleaded.

He could tell that she was getting agitated over it and even though he knew he could never make such a choice, he had to keep her calm. So, he did the only thing he could. 

He lied.

“Okay, I promise...but it’s not going to come to that. You’re both going to be fine.”

“Thank...you,” she said visibly relaxing. 

The wheeze in her breathing was getting progressively worse and her eyes begin to slip closed again. “Donna! No, Donna! Stay with me!” he pleaded.

“Love you,” she whispered.

“I love you, too,” he replied. “Which is why you have to stay with me!”

As if his words had gotten through to her, her eyes fluttered open again. But this time there was a surprised, almost oddly frightened look in her eyes.

“Oh, my God,” she gasped softly. “No...”

“What? What’s wrong?” he demanded, trying not to yell.

“No, no...” she murmured. “Too soon. No....please God, no.”

By then, Josh was beyond keeping his voice down. “Donna, what’s happening?!”

Somehow, she managed to focus in on his face. “My...my water just broke.”


	39. Chances

Chapter 39

“Shit,” Stone muttered as he backtracked down the hall. He’d taken too much time. His first avenue of escape was already blown by the approaching agents.

He couldn’t believe that his perfect plans had been shot to hell again and it was all due to Lyman, Casper, and that blonde bitch. 

What, was she fucking psychic? He’d had a perfect bead on her head. She should have been dead before she hit the ground. Why the hell did she move at the last second? It was like she’d known he was there.

‘And yet,’ he thought with a little smirk as he started up the stairs. ‘Because I’m smarter than all those FBI and Secret Service bozos put together I’ll still get out of this because I’ve got a back up plan. Plus, I hit Blondie in the back. That could still be fatal and I know I gave Casper a full blow in the chest.’

Yes, he’d comfort himself with both those things until he was ready to strike again.

Stone heard the men that were giving chase pour into the stairwell below him. They’d go to the office he’d used first. They’d be expecting him to be there or hiding somewhere close by or trying to find a fast way out of the building, but they’d never find him. It would take them a while to think to go up to the roof. 

Pausing on the stair landing two floors above his office, he leaned back against the wall and waited. The heavy sound of their footsteps and shouts echoed up to him as they poured into the main hallway two floors below. Then it was quiet again and Stone started up the remaining three flights of stairs to the roof.

Always one step ahead, his overactive mind ran through what he could do to clean up the mess from today. 

First off, he knew that if the bitch wasn’t dead, he’d make it his life mission to finish the job. They couldn’t be on their guard forever. Plus, if she survived and the brat she was carrying survived, they’d have a child. It was a lot harder to run and hide with a kid. Maybe the kid could even be a bargaining chip. 

‘Yes,’ His mind began working through the possibilities. ‘I could definitely make a kidnapping work to my advantage. A child would be the perfect lure to bring her into the open.’

He was so preoccupied with his planning and so focused on getting to the roof despite his mild limp, he didn’t hear the two Secret Service agents who were gaining on him. They’d been stationed out in the stairwell while everyone else had gone to find the office. When they heard Stone start moving again, they’d quickly given chase, being as stealthy as possible.

Pushing open the door to the roof, Stone stepped outside and grinned as he walked casually to the side of the building where his salvation lay. At the end of the day, the idiots downstairs would be scratching their heads over how he’d gotten away.

He looked down at the simple, but ultimately effective rig he’d put together. Two days earlier, he’d strung a cable from his building across to the one next door and he’d attached a hand pulley to it. All he had to do was pull himself across, go down the other building’s back stairs and out the door to the car he’d parked around the corner.

It was almost too simple.

Stepping onto the outer edge of the building, Stone sat down, hooked his good leg over the cable and grabbed the handle of the pulley. Inching forward, he slid off the building until he was hanging free. Then he threw his weaker leg up and over the cable for extra stability and started pulling himself across. This was where all the long hours in physical therapy paid off, not only in making his leg more usable, but in the significant strengthening of his upper body.

He was halfway across and feeling pretty smug when he heard shouting behind him.

“YOU ON THE CABLE!! U.S. SECRET SERVICE!! STOP WHERE YOU ARE!!” a voice yelled.

Stunned, Stone looked back to see two agents standing on the edge of the building he’d just left.

Where the hell had they come from? 

One was speaking rapidly into his wrist mike, presumably telling everyone in the free world where he was and they both had their guns trained on him.

Knowing he had very little options, Stone instinctively pulled a handgun from one of two holsters he was wearing under his jacket and started firing. 

The agents had no choice but to dive behind cover and start returning fire.

While they scrambled, Stone tried to pull himself the rest of the way across, but with his weak leg and having one hand occupied by holding onto the gun, his progress was seriously hampered.

Pain ripped through the arm holding onto the cable as a shot penetrated his bicep, shattering his humerous and the pulley handle slid out of his now useless hand. He promptly found himself hanging upside down by his legs. 

More pain erupted as a shot went through his good leg and left him dangling by his bad one, which he realized wouldn’t hold him for long. Another shot tore into his back and he realized that it had come from another direction. Twisting his head around, he saw five more agents standing on the building he was supposed to be headed to. Any avenue of escape was blocked. 

Stone looked down at the open space below him and knew that he was out of options. 

He’d once vowed to always live…and die on his own terms. Well, he’d done the living, he supposed it was time to do the dying because there was no way he was going to let them put him in a cage. 

With that, he calmly let his body go lax.

Slowly, he slid off the cable and plunged toward the ground. In the brief seconds he had before he plowed into the parked car eight stories below, he observed that in the end, Lyman had been right. 

A 110 pound woman had, ultimately, kicked his ass.

**********

Josh stood over the casket and looked inside. 

The viewing was over and a select few people would be heading over to the cemetery for the graveside service in an hour. The funeral director wanted to seal the coffin so it could be transported to the cemetery, but Josh had asked for a few minutes alone.

He was only dimly aware of the fact that Sam and Toby were waiting outside for him. He felt no particular need to rush as time had lost any meaning for him.

If he felt nothing as he looked inside the coffin, it was only because he’d felt too much in the last week and his emotional capacity had simply shut down from the overload.

If their places were switched and Donna stood here, he knew that she would be sad, devastated even, but she wouldn’t have given up, wouldn’t have allowed herself to get down into the hole Josh found himself in. She would have gone on with her life, but it simply wasn’t an option for Josh. His life was here in this casket.

Staring into Donna’s face, he ran gentle fingers over the cool smoothness of her cheek. How odd it was to him that she looked so young, so vital, even now. Although she’d been dead a week, he crazily wondered if it still weren’t too late and if somehow she could be revived.

Then, as much as his whole body fought it, he glanced down at the other occupant of the casket. Their beautiful, tiny baby girl, wrapped in a soft pink blanket and tucked securely into the crook of Donna’s arm. As he’d done with Donna, he gently touched the infant’s cheek.

The trauma of Donna being shot at the courthouse had sent her body into early labor and their daughter had been delivered by emergency C-section. The doctors hadn’t been able to save Donna and she’d died on the operating table from massive internal injuries. 

Their baby girl, he’d named Monica Joan as Donna had always planned, but he thought of as ‘MJ,’ had only lived 3 days longer than her mother and he’d been holding her in his arms when she’d slipped away.

It seemed only fitting that he bury them together. He knew Donna would have wanted it that way.

Gently he closed the lid of the casket and rested his hand on the cool mahogany surface. “What do I do now, Donna?” he whispered.

Just then Sam entered the room. “How you holding up?”

“I’m still here,” he said turning to face Sam. 

“Yeah…” Sam said with a sigh.

For just a moment, Sam’s eyes got just a little brighter with fresh, unshed tears as he glanced at the closed casket, but he blinked hard and the tears retreated. “I sent Toby to get the car. You ready?”

Josh glanced back at the casket one final time. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Sam opened the door to the hall and Josh stepped through. Suddenly he was plunged into absolute blackness and he felt himself falling. 

In the dark, he heard someone call his name.

“Josh...”

Snapping awake, Josh sat up on the gurney and had to bite back a scream as a fresh wave of pain shot through his leg.

“Josh...?” Ron said trying to steady him when it looked like he would tumble off the gurney.

“Wh..what?” Josh said still horribly disoriented. 

God, it had been a dream. All a terrible, horrible dream.

“You were having a nightmare. Are you okay?”

Josh frowned. “Uh...where am I?”

“You’re in a treatment room in the ER at George Washington Hospital,” Ron told him. “Don’t you remember?”

Josh tried to get his brain to work. “Ah...yeah.” He ran a hand over his face. “I must have fallen asleep.”

“Actually, you passed out,” Ron corrected. 

“I did?”

Ron nodded. “You were yelling at one of the doctors for information on Donna and he wasn’t telling you what you wanted to know so you jumped off the table to go find someone else and went down like a sack of potatoes.”

The mention of her name shocked him out of his stupor. “Donna! Where is she?” Josh demanded. 

Ron didn’t have a chance to answer because just then a man in a white lab coat and a nurse came in carrying a large tray. Josh recognized the man as the doctor he’d been yelling at earlier.

“Hello, Mr. Lyman, how are...”

“How’s my wife?” he demanded with out preamble. “How’s Donna?”

The doctor put on his best longsuffering smile. “Please, Mr. Lyman, if you calm down I’ll tell you what I know from her time here in the ER and what I’ve been able to find out,” the doctor replied.

Josh worked hard to control his voice. “Please…” his voice took on a note of begging. “I just need to know how she and the baby are.”

“They’re in surgery now,” he answered cautiously.

“Please, can’t you tell me anything more?”

The doctor looked at him for a moment as if considering how much he should and shouldn’t tell him and then he spoke.

“As you know, your wife was Life-Flighted here from the courthouse. When she arrived she had already lost a lot of blood and was having some trouble breathing from what turned out to be a collapsed lung.”

“A collapsed lung?” Josh all but whispered in horror. As someone who’d had a collapsed lung, he knew it was not a pleasant experience.

“Yes, it collapsed after being punctured by the bullet she was shot with.” He paused. “She was also in the early stages of labor.”

“Ye…yes…her water broke,” Josh stammered. “But she’s only at 38 weeks.”

The doctor nodded. “Yes, the Life-Flight nurse that flew in with her told us that,” he said. “Once we got her hooked up to a monitor, we also found that the baby was beginning to show signs of distress.”

Josh’s throat threatened to close up. “Distress?”

“The baby’s heartbeat was a little slower than it should have been,” he explained. “When your wife arrived, we started her on blood and fluids to stabilize her blood pressure a bit and put in a chest tube to help re-inflate her lung. After that, they took her right up to surgery for an emergency C-section and to repair the damage to her shoulder and chest.”

When he didn’t say anything more, Josh tried prompting him. “And?”

“And...she’s still in surgery and will be for some time.”

“You don’t know anything more?” Josh said, his voice increasing in volume. “It’s been over an hour since she was brought in!”

“Her procedure is likely to take 6-8 hours. When the surgeons are done, they’ll come down and give you more information.”

“Mr. Lyman,” the nurse spoke up. “If it makes you feel any better, I called up to the surgical unit right before we came in here and they said that your wife seems to be holding her own.”

Josh clung to her words like a lifeline. “Did they say anything about the baby?”

“No, I’m sorry they didn’t.”

Josh tried not to let the non-news eat away at his fragile hope. 

“The C-section would have been their first priority, Mr. Lyman,” the doctor put in. “It’s very possible you’ll hear something about the baby before you hear about your wife.”

Josh nodded mutely. Knowing that Donna was in surgery and that he couldn’t do anything more for her or the baby, the fight ebbed out of him.

“Now why don’t you lie back and let us take a look at your leg?” the doctor urged.

Remembering his own injuries, Josh looked down numbly at his leg. It was still wrapped in the dressing the paramedics had put on it and it was nearly soaked through. Josh had been too combative before for the doctor or the nurse to do anything else but get his shirt off. Luckily, the paramedics had started an i.v. on him in the field and already cut off his pants at the scene to get to his leg, leaving him in his boxers.

Seeing the bandage, made him dizzy all over again and he laid back weakly. “What do you have to do?” he asked.

“I can’t say for sure right now. I’ll have to do an examination first and we’ll take some x-rays to fully assess the damage,” the doctor said.

“Okay, whatever.”

Josh laid there silently as they removed the dressing and brought in a portable x-ray machine to take films of his leg. He was too tired to fight and too wound up to fall asleep or pass out again. Even if he hadn’t been too keyed up to sleep, he couldn’t close his eyes. When he did, he kept seeing images of a fallen Donna at the courthouse and of her and MJ in the casket from his nightmare. 

He had no idea how much time had passed when he heard the doctor re-enter the room and switch on a light box hanging on the wall of his treatment room. Josh turned his head so he could watch the doctor hang the films and study them. After the doctor made some notes on his chart he came over to speak to Josh.

“Well, Mr. Lyman, I have some good news.”

“About Donna?” he asked hopefully.

“No, I’m sorry,” the doctor apologized. “I mean about your leg.”

“Oh, what about it?”

“You won’t need to have surgery to repair the bullet wound, not major surgery anyway.”

Josh had been so preoccupied with Donna that he’d never even considered the possibility he might have to have surgery. “Okay.”

“The shot to your leg was a through and through so there’s no bullet to remove,” the doctor explained. “The wound appears to be largely restricted to the fleshy part of your outer thigh and there’s no fracture to the femur and little involvement with the muscles or tendons. Your leg will be sore so you’ll need to use a cane or crutches for the next week, but I don’t expect any permanent impairment.”

Without the energy to care, Josh was only half listening to him as he continued.

“We’ll give you some more i.v. fluids to start replacing what blood you’ve lost, give you a local to numb the area, clean out the wound and then stitch up both holes,” he explained. “You’ll also get a tetanus shot and a booster shot of antibiotics and we’ll send you home with some oral antibiotics to take over the next two weeks.”

“Okay,” Josh said listlessly.

The doctor frowned a bit at his patient’s apparent lack of interest, but given the fact he’d been so uncooperative when he’d been brought in, he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“I’ll have the nurse call up to surgery and see how your wife is doing,” he said trying to give Josh a little peace of mind. 

“Thank you,” Josh managed quietly before going back to staring at the ceiling.

A few minutes later the same nurse who’d come in with the doctor earlier, returned and walked over to him. 

“Mr. Lyman, the nurse in the surgery unit said you’re wife is still in surgery, but her vitals are holding.”

Josh was almost afraid to let hope take root. “And the baby?”

“I’m sorry, they still didn’t have any information about the baby.”

“Why not?!” he snapped as he sat up shakily. The nurse jumped a bit at his sudden anger. “Why can’t anybody tell me what’s going on?!”

“I’m...I’m sorry, Mr. Lyman,” she stammered. “That’s all they said. I couldn’t get any more information.”

Josh dragged a hand through his hair. “No, I’m sorry,” he said laying back. I’m just...I need to know what happened to them.”

Relieved he had calmed down, the nurse gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’ll check again after we get done with your leg.”

Josh nodded to her and she went to help the doctor set up to work on his leg. Dimly, he heard them moving around as they prepared things. Usually he was pretty squeamish about needles, but his brain barely registered the prick in his leg when they injected the local anesthetic into it.

For some reason at that point he had a need to take his mind off of what they were doing to his leg and what was happening to Donna and the baby in surgery.

“Doctor? Could you ask Ron Butterfield to come back in here?”

“I’m right here, Josh,” Ron said from up above his head as he moved down where Josh could see him. Like a silent sentinel, Ron must have been standing behind his gurney all this time.

“I didn’t know you were there, Ron.”

“Between the Secret Service and the FBI, we’ve got the hospital pretty well blanketed, but the President himself asked me to keep an eye on you. He’s sending Toby down here, but he wanted me to wait with you in the mean time.”

Josh didn’t quite know how to respond to that. “Okay...thanks.”

When he didn’t say any more than that for a long moment, Ron prompted him. “Did you need something, Josh?”

Josh gave himself a mental shake. “Um, I was just wondering....how’s everyone else? I mean, how many were injured?”

Ron was quiet for a moment. He considered not telling Josh the full truth, but felt he deserved to know. 

“In addition to the injuries you and Donna sustained, one of my agents is dead, three FBI agents are wounded, two are dead, and Mike’s in surgery with a bullet wound to the chest.”

Josh looked at him in disbelief. “He was shot...in the chest? I knew he was hit, but he was wearing a vest just like Donna and me so I thought he’d be okay.”

“Standard bullet proof vests are designed to take hits from hand guns, Josh, they don’t offer much protection from a rifle shot which is much more powerful. The dead agents were wearing vests too,” Ron said. “The shots went right through them.”

A feeling of sickly remorse rolled through Josh as he remembered pushing Mike off of him and Donna. “How...how is he?”

Ron’s voice was quiet and controlled when he answered. “They don’t know if he’s going to make it or not. From what I’ve been able to find out, the bullet’s lodged in the wall of his heart. It’s a miracle he’s not dead already. If the bullet had gone all the way into the heart or if it had slid out of the hole when he was being transported to the hospital he would have bled to death in seconds.”

Josh laid there and tried to absorb the enormity of the news. Although they were friends, Mike had always seemed a little larger than life to Josh. It was hard to fathom that something could take him down.

Mike had done so much for him and Donna. They owed him a lot. He’d been their link to the outside world and their only real support in the last 10 months.

A feeling of helplessness surged through Josh, causing his anger to suddenly surface. Unfortunately, Ron was an easy target.

“How the hell did this happen, Ron?!”

“Hold still, Mr. Lyman,” the doctor admonished. 

Except for Josh forcing himself to lie still, Ron and Josh ignored the doctor. “I thought you guys had everything covered!”

Ron had been expecting Josh’s anger and he really couldn’t blame him. 

“We thought we did too, Josh,” he replied calmly, but with a tone that said he was no happier about the situation than Josh was. “We did no less than 4 physical sweeps of the surrounding buildings, including one only two days before your arrival. We did background checks on all the tenants...”

“Then I repeat, how did this happen?!”

“The shooter was very smart and he’s been here for two months so he had time to plan. He was able to set up a dummy corporation that got past our background checks and we think he had contacts within the FBI that told him when the physical sweeps were going to take place. With all that going for him, all he had to do was wait.”

“And we never thought something like that might happen?!”

“Josh, there’s no way to cover every contingency,” Ron told him quietly. “I know you don’t want to hear that but it’s the truth. We can plan and anticipate and minimize the chances something will happen, but if someone is determined enough and really lucky there’s always a possibility they’ll succeed.” 

Josh stared at Ron for a minute. Another rant was poised on the tip of his tongue, but he suddenly remembered that Ron had not come out of this unscathed either. Not only had Mike, Ron and their team ultimately gotten him and Donna out of harm’s way, but one of Ron’s own agents had been lost at the courthouse too. 

And then there was Mike. His life literally hung in the balance because he’d put himself in harm’s way. Both of those thoughts were like buckets of water on his anger.

“I’m sorry, Ron. I know you guys did all you could.”

Ron was a bit surprised by his sudden apology and acquiescence. “I appreciate that Josh, but someone got through so we still failed.”

He was almost afraid to ask. “Who was it? Was it Stone?” 

Ron slowly nodded. “Yes. We found the office space he rented. That was where he was shooting from. The view from one of the windows gave him a perfect vantage point of the courthouse.”

“Did you find anything else?”

“He left behind the rifle he used but not much else. The Bureau has already matched it to bullets recovered at the scene.”

“But you’re sure it was him and not someone else?”

“Positive.” 

“So you have him? Please Ron, tell me you captured him,” Josh pleaded. “If you tell me he’s on the loose I’m not going to be responsible for my actions.”

“No, Josh, we’ve got him,” Ron told him gravely. 

Palpable relief rolled through Josh. The monster who had tormented them was finally in a cage. “Be sure you put him somewhere really secure...”

“Josh...”

“I mean it, Ron, you don’t know this guy. You can’t take any chances with him. He’s slick and he’ll work every angle. It’s like he’s made of smoke.”

“He’s dead, Josh,” Ron said quietly.

Josh blinked in surprise. “He’s dead?”

“Yes. He tried to get away by using a cable strung between two buildings. Two of my men heard him running up the stairs and they followed him,” Ron explained. “When they got to the roof, he was already halfway across. As soon as he spotted my men, he pulled out a hand gun and started shooting. My agents returned fire and ended up shooting him. The wounds probably weren’t fatal, but he lost his grip on the cable and fell eight stories to his death.”

Josh could barely believe it. “But you’re sure...really sure, that it was him and not someone else?”

“Yes. Both the Bureau and one of my own people have positively identified him. He’d changed his appearance somewhat but as you know, his fingerprints were already on file. We matched them to the prints on the rifle, prints in the office and the fingerprints on the body.” He paused. “He’s dead, Josh.”

Still stunned, Josh just laid there and stared at Ron. Stone was dead. His mind was almost in overload from the idea. Donna wouldn’t need to worry any more.

The monster wasn’t in a cage...the monster was dead. 

“I need to work on the back side of your leg, Mr. Lyman, could you please turn over,” the doctor instructed without preamble.

Josh had been so preoccupied with what Ron had been saying, he’d completely missed the Doctor stitching up the front side of his leg. Docilely, he turned over onto his stomach. The new position pretty much ended his ability to hold a conversation so Ron faded back into his spot near the head of the gurney.

He laid there silently through the rest of the procedure on his leg as his mind continued to process all the new information.

“Okay, Mr. Lyman, all done. Let me just give you a tetanus shot and an antibiotic booster and you can turn over again,” the doctor told him.

Josh felt the prick of two needles on the back of his hip and then he slowly maneuvered himself onto his back. For some reason turning onto his back took a lot more effort than turning onto his stomach had. 

“I’d like you to stay here and rest for just a while,” the doctor continued. “You lost enough blood that you may be a little unsteady on your feet for the next hour or two.” He rose from the stool he’d been sitting on and adjusted the gurney so Josh was halfway sitting up and would be more comfortable. “I’ll write out a prescription for your oral antibiotics and some pain medication for your leg and have the nurse give them to you when she brings in your release papers later.”

“Okay,” Josh agreed.

“I’ll also see if we can’t get some new information on your wife and baby.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Josh said gratefully.

The doctor patted him on the shoulder. “For now, just take it easy and let the nurses know if you need anything.”

Josh nodded and the doctor picked up his chart and walked to the door.

“Toby and Leo are here,” Ron reported.

“They are?” Josh asked with a frown. “How did you? Oh…,” he said remembering that Ron had to be wearing an earpiece that kept him informed.

Josh watched the doctor pull the treatment room open to find Toby and Leo standing there. He also caught a glimpse of a dark suited agent, whether it was FBI or Secret Service he didn’t know, standing watch outside. The doctor held the door open for Leo and Toby and then closed behind him as he walked out. Both men nodded a greeting to Ron as they walked over to Josh.

“Hey,” Toby greeted. 

“How you doing, kid?” Leo asked gruffly.

Josh stared at him for a moment. He was surprised to see Leo. Ron had only said Toby was coming down and he hadn’t expected Leo. It was the first time he’d seen him since the heart attack and he looked remarkably good. 

“Um, I’m okay,” he said with a shrug. “Doctor says my leg will be sore for a while, but nothing permanent.” He paused a beat. “But hey, look at you, you look good,” he told Leo.

“Ah, you know me, I’m too tough to let a little thing like a heart attack kill me,” Leo said in his own self-effacing fashion.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when it happened,” Josh said soberly.

Leo shrugged. “Wasn’t much you could have done anyway.” 

“How are you doing? Really?” Josh asked him.

“Well, I eat my vegetables and I walk everyday and I’ve learned to how to sleep at night again,” Leo grinned. “I’d sort of forgotten how in the last seven years.”

Josh couldn’t help but grin back. “You sound like me. Donna’s got me doing all those...” His voice trailed off and his grin fell away. The mention of her name had brought the reality of their current situation crashing over him.

“How is she?” Toby asked quietly.

Josh took a steadying breath. “I don’t know. She’s still in surgery. Probably will be for a while. Among other things, she had a collapsed lung from the shooting and she’d gone into labor...” His voice tripped. “...there was, ah, problem with the baby being in...distress so...” Tears threatened to overwhelm him and he had to take another breath before he continued. “…um, they were going to do an emergency C-section.”

“Is there any news on the baby?” Leo asked.

“No, but the doctor that worked on my leg said he’d try and, uh, find out something,” Josh replied. “We’re also waiting to hear about Mike Casper,” he added trying to change the subject so he didn’t simply burst into tears. “He was shot too. In fact, I’m pretty sure he took a hit that was meant for me and Donna.” 

“We don’t know that, Josh,” Ron put in, trying to ease Josh’s guilt. “There were a lot of attempts on Mike’s life because of the Tapestry investigation. It could have been meant for him. We need to finish the investigation and watch the tapes before we know for sure.”

“Tapes?” Toby asked.

“There were surveillance cameras at every entrance to the courthouse. They captured the shooting,” Ron explained. “As part of our investigation into what happened at the courthouse we’ll use the tapes to assess the scene and the sequence of events.”

The four men were all silent for a moment.

“Oh, by the way, Josh, one of Mike’s agents gave me some clothes for you,” Toby said putting a small plastic grocery bag on the gurney down by Josh’s feet.

“Yes,” Ron confirmed. “I asked him to get some from the safe house.”

“Thanks,” Josh said. “At least, I won’t have to walk around the hospital in my boxers.”

Leo grinned. “Oh, I don’t know, your fan club might get a kick out of that,” he said trying to tease Josh and keep up his spirits.

“True, but somehow I don’t think Donna would appreciate it.” Again, the mention of her name had him sobering. 

Turning away slightly, Ron pressed a hand to his earpiece and murmured something into his wrist mike. After a moment, he turned back to them. “I’ve got to step out and take care of something.” With that, he left the room.

Now that the three of them were alone, a slightly uncomfortable silence stretched between them.

“We got married, you know,” Josh finally said as he held up his hand so they could see his wedding ring.

“Yeah, Sam told us about it,” Toby replied. 

“The one we had at the house was amazing,” Josh said. “I wish we could have had all of you there.”

“We’ll be there for the legal one,” Leo promised. “There will be quite a shindig I’m sure. All of D.C. will turn out to see ‘Bartlet’s Pit Bull’ take the plunge.”

Josh stared down at his wedding band. “Actually, we already had the legal one,” he said quietly.

“What? What are you talking about?” Leo asked with a frown.

“Three days ago, just before we left Arizona, Donna said she wanted to get the legal part taken care of, so we went to Las Vegas and got married in a civil ceremony.” He laughed mirthlessly. “Leave it to Donna to get the timing right on that one.”

He ground his fingers into his eyes to rub out the tears that threatened to overwhelm him for the eight hundredth time.

“Josh,” Leo said laying a hand on Josh’s shoulder. “She’s going to be okay.”

“You didn’t see her, Leo. She was in so much pain,” Josh said softly. “She even made me promise...promise that...” He didn’t know if he could even speak the words. “...if it came down to...her or the baby...I’d pick the baby...” He stared hard up at the ceiling as the tears finally spilled over. “God...” he muttered with a harsh, bitter little laugh.

“Josh...” Leo said gently. 

Not caring that there were tears rolling down his face, he looked at both of them. “I mean, what do I do with that?”

“It won’t come to that, Josh,” Toby said. “You said they were going to perform a C-section, that pretty much takes it out of your hands.”

“He’s right,” Leo added. “And Donna’s a fighter. She’ll come through this. She’s got a lot to live for…you both do.” 

Josh ground the heels of his hands into his eyes to try and stem the tears. “Yeah, I know…it’s just…” He let out a breath. “Between the two of us, I think we’ve pretty much used up our 9 lives. I’m not sure how many more chances we’re gonna get.”

“Have a little faith, Josh,” Leo said.

Josh stared at him for a moment. “The problem is, Leo, she IS my faith. If she doesn’t make it…” Unable to finish the sentence, he let that hang in the air.

“Don’t give up on her yet, Josh.”

Leo’s words reminded him of what President Bartlet had said to him the night Donna had gone missing from the lake. It occurred to him that she’d come back to him from that nightmare and it gave him hope that she would do it again this time. 

“And once you’ve both gotten through this, there’s something I want you to do for me,” Leo said.

“What’s that?” Josh said swiping a hand over his face to clear away the last of the tears.

“I want you to both take some time and sit with Stanley Keyworth.” He held up his hand to stop the protest Josh was going to make. “I’ve already called him. He’ll be here next week and he’ll be here to debrief you both about the last 10 months. Sam told me Donna was having some issues about what happened with Stone and if she’s having issues, I’m going to take a wild guess and say you are too.” 

Josh’s mouth had been open to stage a protest but he ended up letting out a sigh instead. He really couldn’t argue with what Leo was saying. If he didn’t have issues before today, he sure did now. 

“Okay,” Josh said quietly. 

“I just don’t want a repeat of the Christmas after Rosslyn,” Leo told him.

“Okay,” Josh repeated.

“The baby is going to need both parents in one piece, mentally and physically.”

Despite everything he’d been through that day, Josh couldn’t help but break into a bemused smile. “Leo, I said okay.”

He nodded. “I know…I just wanted to make sure I’d made my point.”

“Believe me, Leo, making a point has never been a problem for you.”

Before Leo could make a proper comeback, they were interrupted by the treatment room door opening. Josh’s doctor came in followed by a nurse he hadn’t seen before pushing a wheelchair.

“Mr. Lyman, this is Nurse McCall,” the doctor said. “I’d like you to go with her for one more procedure we need to run you through.”

“Oh, God, not another test,” Josh whined as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I thought you said you were finished with my leg. I don’t want to be poked and prodded any more.”

The nurse who was a slim, middle aged, woman with dark blonde hair, pushed the wheelchair forward. “They told me you were going to be a difficult patient,” she said briskly. “Now come on, we’ve got an appointment to keep.”

“Let me just unhook your i.v. first,” the doctor told him. “I think we’ve got enough fluids in you.”

“Don’t I have a say in this?” Josh complained as the doctor removed the i.v. needle from the back of his hand.

“I’m afraid it’s for your own good, Mr. Lyman,” the doctor lamented as he put a small band-aid over the spot on Josh’s hand. “And just a word of warning, Nurse McCall won’t take no for an answer.”

“Swell,” Josh grumbled.

“Now get in the chair and nobody gets hurt,” she told him. 

Her voice clearly brooked no argument and Josh knew he didn’t have a choice. “Do I really have to sit in that contraption? Couldn’t I just have some crutches instead?”

“In,” the nurse said answering his question as she pointed to the chair.

“Can I at least put some pants on first?”

“Fine, just get a move on,” she said.

“All right, all right…” Josh grumbled again. Toby handed him a sweatshirt that he pulled on as the nurse started to slide a pair of sweat pants on him. “I can do it!” he snapped in embarrassment.

“I was just getting them started for you,” she replied calmly.

With Ron on one side and the doctor on the other in case he fell, Josh carefully slid off the gurney and bent over and pulled up his sweatpants. Even though he was wearing his boxers, putting on pants in front of a room full of people felt a little weird but he took it as a small victory that he didn’t fall on his face. While she held the wheelchair still, Josh sagged into it.

“There, now that wasn’t so bad was it?” she asked sweetly.

Okay, so maybe he wasn’t quite ready for crutches yet. Even the simple motion of putting on a shirt and pants had left him exhausted again. Not that he was going to tell her that.

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled instead. “What about my release papers and my prescriptions?”

“Nurse McCall will bring you back downstairs when she’s done with you,” the doctor said with an odd twinkle in his eye.

“We’ll be out in the waiting room if you need us,” Leo said.

“Okay, thanks,” Josh said gratefully. He needed to know that there were some friendly faces around and he wasn’t exactly looking forward to his session doing…whatever with Nurse Ratchet.

“So where are we going?” Josh asked as she rolled him into the main elevator with two FBI agents in tow and pushed the button for the fourth floor.

“You’ll see,” she answered cryptically. “It’s a surprise.”

“I hate to tell you this, but I’ve had about all the surprises I can take for one day,” he said a little angrily.

She didn’t answer right away, but when she did, her voice was much softer. “I know you’re having a tough day, Mr. Lyman. But I think that very shortly you might find that the day is looking up.”

As the doors to the elevator opened, he twisted around to look at her and he found her giving him a genuine smile. “Do you always bring out that Nurse Ratchet routine?”

She grinned as she pushed him out of the elevator and Josh figured out that her earlier bossiness had been largely an act. “Only for my more difficult patients. Helps keep them in line,” she told him.

“I’m not difficult,” he insisted. “I just…have a lot on my mind.”

She chuckled. “Yes, I heard you’ve been causing quite the ruckus down in the ER.”

They passed a large group of direction signs and Josh’s heart started beating harder. According to the arrows they were either heading to Maternity, the Nursery, or something called the NICU.

“Where are we going?” he asked again, this time a little breathlessly. With Donna in surgery, he doubted they were going to maternity. Could they be going to the nursery? Hope flared to life inside him.

“Well, since you were causing so much trouble in the ER, Dr. Connelly asked me find something more productive for you to do.”

“And what did you come up with?” Josh asked excitedly as he watched the overhead sign for the nursery grow larger and tantalizing closer.

“Well, I could tell you but that would ruin the surprise, Mr. Lyman,” she commented.

His heart took a dip again when, rather than passing under the sign, the nurse turned left at the hall just in front of it and headed toward a sign marked ‘NICU’. Josh looked longingly over his shoulder as the nursery sign retreated.

“What’s nicu?” he said pronouncing it like a word and not the abbreviation it was.

“It’s not nicu, it’s the N.I.C.U.”

Josh noticed that there were two other dark suited agents stationed right outside the set of double doors they were approaching.

“Okay, what is the N.I.C.U.?” he asked, still not making the connection.

The nurse hit the door open button, the wide, non-descript wooden doors slowly swung open and she pushed him inside. One of the agents remained out in the hall and the other one followed behind Josh. 

“N.I.C.U. stands for the Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit,” the nurse explained.

“Neo-natal...” Josh voice trailed off as the light popped on and his heart started beating so hard he found it hard to speak. “Is...she...here?” he stammered softly.

“Yes, she is and a little bird told me that you were anxious to meet her.” Nurse McCall pushed him over to a low handicap sink and switched on the water. “But you need to wash your hands first,” she said as he held out his hands and she dispensed some soap into them.

Dutifully he washed them and rinsed them. As he dried them on the paper towels she handed him, she walked over to a cabinet and pulled out two paper gowns. With a smile she gave one to the agent who put it on and shook the other one open for Josh. 

She held out the gown for Josh and he leaned forward so she could slip it on him while he stayed seated in the wheelchair. After she tucked it around him, she pushed him past a large nurses’ desk. Just past the desk was a wide open area with bays for each baby and the necessary equipment for monitoring them and keeping them alive. It wasn’t all that different than a regular ICU, except instead of beds there were incubators or other special baby sized beds. 

“Is she...okay?” he asked, almost afraid to know the answer. 

“I’ll let you judge for yourself...” she said as they neared an incubator. 

The agent that had been following Josh took up a position against the wall next to the incubator out of the way and Josh saw that there was already another agent standing watch on the other side of the room.

She stopped the wheelchair right in front of the incubator. In the small card holder on the front of the incubator, Josh saw the words “Baby Lyman” with a pink heart drawn next to it. 

His heart nearly stopped as he saw the little pink bundle inside squirm slightly.

Oh, God, he was going to meet his daughter.

Nurse McCall pulled on a pair of gloves and pulled out a fresh blanket. Opening the top of the incubator, she carefully wrapped the baby in the blanket.

Being mindful of the cords and wires that attached the baby to the incubator, she turned back to Josh. “Put your arms out,” she instructed softly. 

“Don’t I need a mask or something?” Josh asked nervously.

“No, you don’t need one for her,” she told him. “Now put out your arms.”

Meekly, he lifted his arms and she laid the bundle in them. He didn’t think he’d ever been so terrified in his life.

“Support her head,” she said as she helped him get the baby settled.

Josh stared down at the bright pink bundle in his arms. His fear at holding her faded away and he found himself studying her in fascination. She was so tiny and so light. He’d held briefing memos heavier than she was. Interestingly, he noticed that peeking out from under her soft pink hat, she already had the beginnings of a headful of light brown hair.

“She’s beautiful,” he breathed.

“Yes, she is,” Nurse McCall agreed.

As if she knew he was there, the baby’s eyes struggled to open and she looked up at him. 

Her eyes were blue and hauntingly reminiscent of Donna’s. Although he remembered reading something about babies often being born with blue eyes that could change over the first six months, he knew without a doubt hers would stay blue.

In that moment, time stopped for him. 

Their child...their daughter.

“Oh, Donna,” he whispered. “Look what we did.”

The tears came then and he didn’t even think about trying to stop them as they rolled silently down his face.

“I’ll leave you two alone for a few minutes to get acquainted,” the nurse said softly.

Josh simply lost the ability to speak for a few minutes and the two of them just stared at each other. Taking a breath and swallowing the football sized lump in this throat, Josh managed to finally find his voice. 

“Hi, there, kiddo. I’m your dad,” he began softly. “Your mom and I have been waiting a long time to meet you and we’re really happy you’re here.” He paused for a moment. “Your mom...well, she couldn’t be here right now so I guess you’re just stuck with me.”

With extreme gentleness, he traced a finger over her cheek. Her skin was so soft. She had his nose, he decided and maybe his chin. As he was considering that, her little hand made its way out of folds of the blanket and her tiny fingers stretched reflexively. Josh rubbed the pad of his finger against her tiny palm and she closed her fist around it.

A wave of such love and protectiveness swept over him, it was almost overwhelming. He knew without a doubt he’d do anything for this child. Even die for her. He wondered if it was, in some small way, the same feeling Donna had while she’d been carrying her and that’s why she’d made him promise to see that the baby lived at any cost.

Leaning in, he kissed her gently on the forehead and inhaled the scent of her. She smelled sweet and new and like nothing he’d ever experienced before. It was like smelling promise...smelling life.

And, like the scent of her mother, the baby’s scent was already indelibly etched on his consciousness. He knew he’d be able to recognize her even if he was blind folded.

“Mr. Lyman?” a new voice spoke from beside him.

Josh had been so intent on the baby he startled a bit to hear someone speaking to him. His sudden movement startled the baby too and she began to cry.

“No, no, it’s okay,” he said trying to soothe her. 

“Try gently bouncing her a little when you speak to her,” Nurse McCall told him.

Josh did as she suggested and carefully bounced her while he spoke. “There’s no need to get upset.” 

He kissed the little fist that was still wrapped around his finger and she finally started to quiet. As her crying faded, he watched her mouth slide into a little pout that was a near replica of Donna’s and it made him want to laugh and cry at the same time. He wanted to laugh because it was so adorable and so like Donna and yet he wanted to cry because Donna wasn’t there to share it.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Lyman, I didn’t mean to startle you or the baby,” the man, clearly a doctor said as he stood next to the nurse. “I’m Dr. Kaplan, I’m the one that delivered your daughter.”

Protectively, he pulled her a little closer. It was as if part of him thought they were going to say ‘oops you have the wrong baby, give her back’ or ‘you’re not a good enough father so we’ll find someone else.’

Josh tried to keep a reign on his active imagination, after all this man was the one who’d likely saved his baby’s life.

“Well, then I owe you a big thanks,” Josh said. “I’d shake your hand but mine are a little full at the moment.”

The Doctor smiled. “No problem.” He looked down at the baby. “You’ve certainly got yourself a cutie there.”

Josh glanced at the baby who appeared to have gone back to sleep. “How is she?” he said looking back up at the doctor.

“Very, well actually, especially considering she was a couple weeks early. She was six pounds, nine ounces when she was born and her APGAR scores were strong...”

“APGAR scores?” Josh asked with a frown.

“Oh, the APGAR scale is something we use to assess a baby’s condition at birth. We take measurements at 1 minute and 5 minutes after birth. It measures things like respiration, heart rate and muscle tone. It’s a scale from one to ten, ten being the healthiest. Most normal babies score an eight or nine. Your daughter scored an eight at the 1 minute mark and nine at the 5 minute. She’s right where she should be.”

“Then why is she here rather than in the regular nursery?” Josh asked.

“It’s really just to monitor her,” he explained. “Since she was a bit early we just want to make sure her respiration, heart rate and body temperature remain steady.”

“Is that what all these wires she attached to are for?” he said referring to the little leads that were stuck to her chest like she was a miniature heart patient.

“Yes, they give us constant information about her vitals signs. But even though she was a couple weeks early, she’s one of the healthiest babies I’ve ever delivered. Your wife must have taken very good care of herself.”

Josh’s throat closed up for a moment. “Yes, she was...is...very healthy. According to her obstetrician, her pregnancy was almost textbook.”

“Yes, the baby’s healthy condition reflects that,” the doctor agreed.

“Um...they told me in the ER that she...the baby, was in some distress.”

“Yes, that’s not uncommon in cases like this,” the doctor said. “Between the physical trauma your wife sustained and her water breaking before the baby was quite ready, her labor was abnormal and the baby’s heart beat became slower than we like to see. As soon as we performed the C-section and got her out, her heart beat picked up a bit and evened out.”

Josh stared down at the baby again. “Did Donna...did my wife get to see her?”

“No, I’m sorry, Mr. Lyman, she was unconscious during the entire procedure,” he said gravely. 

“Do you know what my wife’s chances are?” Josh asked quietly.

“No, I’m sorry. My main concern was taking care of your daughter. As soon as I finished stitching up your wife from the C-section, the other surgical team moved in to address her other injuries.”

“Oh, I see.”

“But as I said, your daughter is doing wonderfully,” the doctor said trying to keep things on the positive side. “Except for a little extra warmth from the incubator and monitoring her, we’re not giving her any other kind of special support. We’ll keep her here for the next 24 hours and if she’s stable we’ll move her to the regular nursery.”

Josh felt something in him unclench...or at least half of something. Their baby was going to be okay. Better than okay, despite being a little early, she was still beautiful and strong. Only a few hours old and she’d already shown she was a fighter.

The other part of him wouldn’t unclench until he knew Donna was going to be okay.

Nurse McCall jumped in. “There are two things she’ll need pretty quickly, though, Mr. Lyman.”

Josh frowned. “What’s that?”

“Well, when she wakes up, she’s going to need to be fed for the first time.”

“Donna was going to breast feed her,” Josh replied.

“I’ll imagine with her injuries and all the medication she’ll be on, she won’t be able to breast feed for at least a week,” the doctor put in.

“That’s okay,” Nurse McCall said. “Until she’s ready, we’ve got formula and you can feed her with a bottle.”

Josh felt his fear return in full force. “Shouldn’t you...I mean, I can’t...” He visibly paled. “...you want ME to feed her?”

“Who else? You’re her father.”

Her words filled him with a sense of pride like nothing he’d ever felt before, but he still couldn’t quite overcome his trepidation. “But what if I do it wrong?” 

She gave him a smile. “You won’t do it wrong. We’ll give you a few pointers and you’ll be a pro in no time.”

“Well, it looks like you’re in good hands so I’ll leave you to Nurse McCall,” the doctor said. “If you need to speak with me again, she knows how to get hold of me.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Josh said as the doctor walked out of the NICU.

He looked back down at the baby. He was still dubious about trying to feed her, but he figured his daughter needed to eat and if anything went wrong he was in the right place to get help. He let out a breath and tried to get his heart to beat normally again.

“Okay, tell me what to do.”

Glad to see he was rising to the challenge, the nurse gave him a nod. “All right, but before she gets fed there’s the matter of the other thing she still needs.”

“Oh, right. What’s is it?” he asked looking at the nurse with a frown.

“A name,” she said. “Have you and your wife picked one out?”

He looked back down at the baby, whose eyes were open again. “Monica Joan. Her name is Monica Joan Lyman.”


	40. Chances

Chapter 40

Three hours later, after they’d finally kicked Josh out of the neo-natal ICU and he’d gotten signed out of the ER and traded his wheelchair for a simple wooden cane, he hobbled past the guard on duty and into the small private waiting room the agents indicated. 

Leo, Toby and Ron were all in the room waiting for him and couldn’t help but notice the somewhat goofy grin that Josh couldn’t quite suppress. 

Surprised to see them waiting for him, Josh blinked in confusion. “I didn’t know you’d both still be here,” he told them. 

“Well, I have a lot of free time on my hands these days,” Leo pointed out. “I didn’t mind waiting for you to come back.”

“I’m just here for the magazines,” Toby threw in with a perfectly straight face.

Josh managed to smile a bit. “Well, whatever the reason, I’m glad you’re both here.”

“So…you look like you’re in a better mood,” Leo commented with a sparkle in his eye. “I don’t suppose that means you’ve had some good news.”

Josh, still in the post-euphoria of getting to see MJ, didn’t quite catch onto Leo’s gentle teasing.

“I got to see the baby,” Josh said with just a touch of awe. 

Leo and Toby exchanged looks. “Well, what’s there verdict? You gonna keep her or what?” Leo asked.

Josh blinked in confusion for a minute. “Am I going to…?” he said in surprised outrage. “Of course, I’m going to keep her! She’s my daughter, not some prize out of a Cracker Jack box!”

Toby, Leo and Ron laughed. “He was kidding, Josh,” Toby said.

Josh let out a breath and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Sorry, I guess I’m not real quick on the uptake at the moment,” he said with a tired chuckle as he leaned heavily on his cane. “So the three of you don’t seem especially surprised to hear where I’ve been.”

“Ron told us,” Toby said.

“When I stepped out of your room in the ER it was to set up a detail for the baby,” Ron explained. “By the time I came back to tell you she’d been moved to the neo-natal ICU they’d already come to take you up there.”

“She’s got her own detail?” Josh said. “I mean, I know I saw the agents up there but I thought they were more for me. I didn’t realize they were for her.”

Ron nodded. “Mike and I discussed this when we were planning out the next few weeks. Until the trial’s over he wanted you, Donna, and the baby after she was born, to each have a two person FBI detail anytime we’re away from the safe house,” Ron told him. “Donna and the baby also have locator chips in their hospital bracelets.” 

“I guess I figured since Donna had already testified and with Stone dead, we didn’t need any more protection,” Josh said quietly.

“With Stone out of the way you probably don’t, but we want to be extra careful until the trial is over,” Ron replied.

“Is there any news on Donna?” Josh asked.

“No, not yet,” Toby said.

Josh suddenly felt a little guilty he’d been so excited about the baby when Donna’s condition was still in question. It brought his worry for her crashing back over him. 

A brief silence stretched between them and Toby moved in to fill it. “So how’s the baby doing?”

Josh shook himself. “Um, she’s doing great. The doctor who delivered her came in while I was up there and told me that despite being a couple weeks early, she’s really healthy.” He ran a hand through his hair. “She’s in the neo-natal ICU because they want to monitor her a little more closely for the next 24 hours. After that, if everything checks out, they’ll move her to the regular nursery.”

“Well, that’s great news,” Leo said. “So what do you think of her?” 

“She’s amazing,” Josh said simply. “I got to hold her and then feed her and it was like…” He tired to think how to put what he was feeling into words. “It’s like I never thought that I could love someone as much as I love Donna, but when I saw MJ…it was like I grew a second heart just for her.”

Toby and Leo nodded in understanding. “It’s a good feeling, isn’t it?” Leo commented with a grin.

“Yeah,” Josh said. “It is.”

“So MJ?” Toby asked. “What’s that stand for?”

“Monica Joan.”

“Is Joan for…?” Leo didn’t finish the sentence, nor did he need to.

Josh nodded. “Yes,” he said solemnly. “And Monica was the name of one of the FBI agents that died out at the lake trying to protect Donna.” He paused. “Anyway, the name was originally Donna’s idea but I liked it too and she wants to call her MJ for short.” He smiled a bit absently. “The funny thing is, it really fits her.”

“So you think you’re going to like being a father?” Leo asked.

“Yeah, I...” The smile on his face faded and was replaced by something more akin to...panic. “Oh, God,” he murmured staring blankly into space.

“What?” Toby asked worriedly. 

Josh wavered for a second, but before Toby or Leo could reach out to steady him, he all but collapsed into a chair. “I’m a father.” 

“Yeah, that’s usually what happens when you have a child,” Toby said as he and Leo both chuckled. 

Leo clapped him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, Josh, you’ll get over that gut twisting, bowel melting sense of fear in 30 or 40 years. Usually about the time the grandchildren come along.”

“But...there’s so much to do,” Josh stammered almost to himself. “I mean there’s kindergarten and college and doctors appointments and braces and chicken pox...”

“And dating…” Toby threw in.

“And dating...” Josh agreed before his brain caught up to the conversation. “Wait...no, there will be no dating.”

“I’m afraid that someday she might have other ideas on that front,” Leo grinned.

“Wait, back up...did you say grandchildren?” Josh visibly paled.

Toby couldn’t quite suppress a grin. “Well, traditionally, her dating is the only way to get the grandchildren.”

“Okay, you guys have to stop talking about dating and grandchildren or my head’s gonna explode.”

Toby looked at Josh with an unreadable expression. “So what have you learned about babies that you didn’t know before?” he asked Josh.

Josh thought about that and he remembered seeing MJ for the first time. “They have this smell, this amazing smell. It’s like smelling...the future,” he said with a touch of awe in his voice.

“Yeah,” Toby agree. “They also come with hats.”

Josh looked up at him and smiled as he remembered MJ little hat. “Yeah, they sure do.”

Ron had to leave to see to some things and so the three of them sat there in the small waiting room talking for a while. By having Leo and Toby there, Josh was able to stay calm and occupied while they waited for news about Donna. 

Because dinner time came and went and they knew that Josh hadn’t eaten anything since lunch, the two of them even got him, with detail in tow, to hobble downstairs to the cafeteria to eat something. He didn’t eat much but it was enough and they felt like getting him to eat anything was a victory. Plus, it was one more thing to keep him distracted. 

It was just after 8 o’clock when they got back to the waiting room and it was clear that Josh was getting antsy and impatient for news. Luckily, that news came about a half hour later. 

Hearing someone push open the waiting room door, the three of them looked up to see a man dressed in somewhat sweaty scrubs entering the waiting room.”

“Mr. Lyman?”

Josh’s heart leapt into his throat. This was clearly a doctor and he was most likely bringing news about Donna.

“I’m Mr. Lyman,” he said struggling to rise out of his chair.

“Please sit, Mr. Lyman,” he urged. “I know you’ve had quite day.”

Josh sank uneasily back into the chair. “Do you...have some news on my wife?”

The doctor nodded. “Yes, I’m Dr. Rand. I headed the surgical team that worked on her.”

Josh could hardly work up enough spit in his mouth to speak. “How...how is she?”

“Very lucky, actually,” he replied. “Except for puncturing her lung, the bullet missed her other major organs.”

Josh was afraid to believe that everything was okay. “But...she’s been in surgery for so long.”

“Well, her C-section took a little time and the rest of the time was spent removing the bullet and repairing her shoulder.”

“Her shoulder?”

“Yes, the bullet did do a significant amount of damage to her left shoulder,” he explained as he held up one hand in the shape of a cup and making a fist with the other he put them together. “As you may know the shoulder is made up of the shoulder joint which is curved like a saucer and the end of the humerous which is the top of the two long bones in the arm and it’s all held together by tendons and ligaments that are commonly called the rotator cuff.“

Josh nodded and so the doctor continued. “When your wife was shot, the bullet went in at an angle. It missed her scapula, what you’d call her shoulder blade, which is good news, but it blew through her rotator cuff and penetrated her shoulder joint, shattering the top of her humerous,” he told Josh. “The bullet then went through her lung and grazed one of the ribs in her upper chest, causing a hairline fracture. The rib, however, was enough to stop the forward motion of the bullet and we found it in the skin just above her left breast.”

“How did the surgery go?”

“Very well. The holes in her lung have already started to clot over and should heal on their own without any intervention. We’ll leave the chest tube in for the next 48 hours to help keep her lung inflated and to drain off any fluid,” Dr. Rand told him. “We removed the bullet, repaired the rotator cuff and we brought in one of the top orthopedic surgeons we have to perform a total shoulder replacement.”

Josh didn’t like the sound of that. “Shoulder replacement?”

The doctor nodded. “Yes, we replaced the shoulder joint with a specially designed plastic one and replaced the top of the humerous with a metal implant that has a ball on the end of it. Basically, the components of the shoulder are the same as they are normally, they’re just man-made now.”

A bit overwhelmed, Josh sat there mutely, so Leo asked the next question. “Will she have full use of her arm and shoulder again?”

The doctor nodded thoughtfully. “Eventually, although she may not have quite the range of motion she had before. But, she’s young and in excellent health so after everything heals and she has some physical therapy she should be good as new. However, except for some light exercise, her arm and shoulder will be of out commission and in a sling for the next six to eight weeks.”

“But she’s going to be okay?” Josh blurted suddenly. His brain had finally processed the fact that Dr. Rand only seemed to only have good news.

The doctor didn’t seem surprised by Josh’s sudden response and he smiled reassuringly. “Yes, in my opinion, she’s going to be just fine.” 

“When can I see her?”

“She’ll be in recovery for the next hour or so, then we’ll move her to the ICU.”

Frowning, Josh stared at him for a moment. “The ICU? But you said she was okay.”

“It’s just a precaution,” Dr. Rand assured him. “Because of her lung and the significant amount of blood loss she suffered we want to monitor her a bit more closely for the next 24 hours. If she remains stable, we’ll move her to regular room after that.”

Josh reflected how in a number of ways, Donna and MJ’s conditions mirrored each other, especially the fact the if they did well in the first 24 hours they’d be okay. The thought made the other part of him begin to unclench. “Oh...okay.”

“So I’d say if you come up to the ICU in about two hours, you can see her then,” Dr. Rand told him. “But I want to warn you that you probably won’t be able to do more than sit with her because she may be unconscious for the next six to eight hours. Her body has been through quite a bit and rest is the best thing for her right now.” He paused. “Actually, Mr. Lyman, after the day you’ve had, the best thing I think you can do is to go home and get a few hours sleep and then come back in the morning to see her.”

Josh looked at him squarely and when he spoke his voice was calm but firm. “I appreciate what you’re saying, Doctor, but I’ve got to see her. I need to be there when she wakes up.” He paused. “I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

**********

Two hours to the minute after talking to the doctor and after another trip to see MJ, who was doing just fine in the NICU, Josh stood, albeit a bit shakily with his cane, at the nurse’s desk in the ICU to see Donna. 

“Hello, I’m here to see my wife, Donna Moss...I mean Donna Lyman.”

The young nurse on duty smiled at him. “Yes, Mr. Lyman. Dr. Rand said I should expect you. We’ve got your wife all settled,” she told him as she rose from the desk. “Come this way.”

Josh hobbled along behind her as she led the way to a bay behind and to the left of the nurse’s desk. His heart was in his throat as the nurse indicated which bed was Donna’s and he walked toward it. The moment had been so long in coming, he felt like he could barely breathe.

And there she was.

Actually, she looked better than he’d prepared himself for. Still unconscious, they had her reclining at about a 45 degree angle, he supposed for her lung. Her skin was pale, but that was an improvement because at the courthouse her skin had been nearly transparent. Although her left arm was wrapped and bundled tightly over her chest with yards of gauze and a nasal cannula was feeding her oxygen, she looked reasonably good. 

Josh pulled a chair close to the bed and sank down into it. 

Since he was sitting on her good side, he took her hand in his and simply stared at her for the longest time. He didn’t know how long he sat there. Time really lost all meaning for him. He only continued to stare at her. Part of him felt like if he took his eyes off of her, she’d vanish.

It broke his heart to see her like this. Donna always exuded energy and life that to see her so quiet was...unnatural. She deserved to be happy and healthy and holding her newborn baby in her arms, not lying unconscious in the ICU.

Once again he was reminded of how much he’d let her down.

At one point, the nurse came in to check on Donna’s vital signs and she gave Josh a piece of advice. “Talk to her,” she told him after she finished. “Just because she’s unconscious doesn’t mean part of her can’t still hear you.” 

Josh nodded mutely and waited until she left. Swallowing hard, he finally managed to find his voice. 

“Hi,” he said quietly. “Well, I guess this isn’t quite the way we thought this day was going to turn out, is it?”

He stroked a hand over her hair. 

“I owe you a pretty big apology Donna,” he said with a catch in his voice. “You trusted me to protect you and I wasn’t able to. But I swear...if you just wake up, I’ll do everything in my power to make it up to you and MJ.”

Josh managed a proud little smile. “Oh...speaking of our daughter, that’s another reason you have to wake up. You need to see her. She’s beautiful,” he said reverently. “I even got to hold her.” He drew a shaky breath.

“I love you so much, Donna.” Tears welled up in his eyes and he didn’t bother to try and keep them at bay. “Thank you for giving me such an incredible gift. Now I just want you to wake up so you can share it with me.” 

Being careful of the i.v. in the back of her hand, he gave it a squeeze. “I need you so much, Donna...MJ and I both need you to be okay. Please wake up,” he begged. 

Even though his brain knew it was too soon for her to wake up, his heart held out hope and so he watched her closely for any signs she might be surfacing, but she remained silent.

“That’s okay,” he said quietly as he managed to pull himself out of the chair. Leaning over her, he kissed her gently on the forehead. “You rest just as long as you need to, I’ll be here waiting.”

**********

Josh woke with a start. He’d fallen asleep with his cheek pressed against Donna’s hand where it rested on the bed.

Sitting up stiffly, Josh resisted the urge to groan. His back was one big knot from leaning over so long and the wound in his leg was throbbing.

Continuing to hold Donna’s hand in one of his, he scrubbed the other hand over his face. Suddenly, he realized what had woken him. 

Donna had squeezed his hand. 

It wasn’t a hard squeeze, but it was definitely a squeeze.

His eyes flashed up to her face and he saw that behind her closed lids, her eyes were moving gently as if she was trying to wake up. “Donna?” he said softly, afraid that if he said the wrong thing she’d slip away again.

Grabbing the handrail on the bed, he heaved himself up so he could lean in closer. “Donna?” he said, stroking a hand over her hair. “Come on, wake up, it’s okay, you’re safe now.”

Donna’s body felt heavy and like it was wrapped in cotton. What’s more, her brain didn’t seem to want to work, almost as if it were going in slow motion. There was something she was supposed to remember, something important, but she just couldn’t quite make the connection to what it was.

Her body felt a little cold, but strangely her hand was warm. After what felt like an eternity, she finally figured out that someone was holding it. And not only that, but someone was touching her hair as well. Both touches were soothing and gentle and somehow...familiar and she struggled to hang onto them like a lifeline.

Fighting to rise above the grayness she found herself in, Donna dimly realized that her eyes were closed. Although it seemed like a Herculean feat, she focused on the simple act of trying to open them. After a few false starts, her lids finally lifted. It took a moment for her vision to clear and she finally saw who was with her.

Oh, of course, Josh was holding her hand. How could she have thought it was anyone else?

“Josh?” she said in a hoarse whisper as she found her mouth and throat were sand dry.

“Hey,” he said smiling down at her. “I see you finally decided to join us.”

While recognizing Josh had been easy, Donna took a slow look at their surroundings but her mind refused to process the information.

“Where...” Her dry mouth got the better of her again. “So thirsty...” she murmured.

“Here, let me get you some water. The nurse said you might want some,” Josh said letting go of her hand to turn to the side table and pour some water from a pitcher into a glass. 

“Nurse...?” she murmured. A nurse would imply a hospital. Was she in the hospital?

On the heels of that thought, came the realization that there were reports of pain coming in from various parts of her anatomy. Luckily, the pain, at least at the moment, was felt only in a disconnected way and she was really too tired to think about it or worry too much about it.

Thoughts seemed to be moving a bit quicker at that point, as if having each thought made the ones that followed come that much quicker. 

Then, in a flash of memory, she remembered the thing that had alluded her.

The baby.

In kind of a slow motion panic, Donna looked down and ran her good hand over her clearly much flatter abdomen. She’d been pregnant and now she wasn’t. 

Cup in hand, Josh turned back to her and held the straw up for her. “Here take a drink.”

She was too confused...too surprised to do more than meekly do as he asked. 

“There, is that better?” he asked pulling the cup away when she stopped drinking.

Donna quickly searched his face for some sign, some clue that would tell her what had happened, but saw nothing.

“Where’s...my...baby?” she forced herself to say.

Setting the cup down, Josh tried to reassure her. “It’s okay, Donna.”

“Where’s my baby?” she repeated.

Josh laid a hand on her uninjured shoulder. “Don’t worry, she’s fine.”

Something in Donna didn’t believe him. “I want...to see her.”

An odd look came into Josh’s face. “Um...you can’t right now.”

Instantly, Donna felt the tears spring to her eyes. “Something did happened to her, didn’t it?”

“No, Donna.”

But she wasn’t listening to him. “She’s dead, isn’t she?”

“No, Donna,” he said more forcefully. “Listen...”

“Oh, God,” she said as she ignored the pain it caused as she started to quietly cry. “I’m sorry...I’m so sorry.” The emotional pain of it was almost too much for her to bear.

Seeing how badly he’d messed up telling her about MJ and seeing how upset she was getting for no good reason, Josh knew he had to get through to her. Not knowing how else to touch her that wouldn’t hurt her, Josh took her face in his hands so she had to look at him.

“Donna, listen to me,” he said firmly. “She is NOT dead. She’s just fine.” Donna’s crying began to quiet as he continued. “They had to deliver her by C-section but she’s perfectly healthy.”

Donna tried to absorb that. “You’re not just saying that?” she asked wetly.

“No, I swear that I’m telling you the absolute truth,” he said.

“Then why...why can’t I see her?”

Josh let out a breath as he prepared to tell her. “Because she’s in the neo-natal ICU...” He saw her getting ready to be upset again and he rushed on before she could. “It’s just a precaution. They’re just keeping her there because she was a little early. They plan on moving her to the regular nursery in the morning.” He paused for emphasis. “She’s fine. Do you understand, Donna? We have a healthy baby girl and she’s just fine.”

The earnestness in his words finally penetrated her brain. “Really?”

He finally felt some relief go through him. “Yes, really.”

“You’re sure?” she said. 

He couldn’t help but chuckle softly. “Yes, I’m positive. I got to hold her and feed her and even change her diaper.” He ran his knuckles lightly over Donna’s cheek. “She’s beautiful,” he said with a proud smile. 

“She’s beautiful?” Donna replied with a smile of her own that was like the sun breaking through a cloudy sky.

“She’s better than that...she’s perfect,” Josh said as his thumbs wiped away the tears on her cheeks. “She even has your eyes.”

“My eyes...” Donna said holding onto part of her smile as she felt relief roll through her like a drug, leaving her weak. “I want to see her.”

He let out a breath. “I know you do, but I’m sorry, Donna, like I said you can’t yet. Not until they let her out of the ICU.”

“I know,” she said quietly. “When they do, I want to see her. Promise me.”

He tucked some hair back behind her ear. “Of course, you can see her then. I’ll bring her to you, I promise.”

Now that she knew the baby was going to be okay and that she would get to see her soon, Donna felt herself start to drift a bit. “What happened?” she murmured. “Why did they need to deliver her early?”

Josh blinked at her. Did she really not remember?

“Donna...” he began gently as took her hand. “Do you remember what happened at the courthouse?”

“The courthouse?” she said absently as she thought about his words. Slowly, the images from the courthouse came floating to the surface. 

Her bad mood. The bullet proof vest. Her testimony. Wanting Josh to take her home.

The sound of gunfire.

Pain.

Her water breaking.

More pain.

Involuntarily, she shivered and gripped his hand. “Yes...now I remember,” she said. “Are you okay?”

Josh couldn’t believe it. She’d been the one in surgery for umpteen hours and she didn’t even ask him how she was, her only concern was for him and the baby.

“Yes, I’m fine. I’ve just been worried about you,” he said.

“You sure?” she said with a little frown. “’You look terrible.” 

“Gee, thanks a lot,” he teased.

Lifting her hand from his, she ran a finger over his cheek. “What I mean is...you look so tired and you’re all...stubbly,” she told him sleepily. “You have to...take care...of yourself you know. You’re...a father now.” Pressing her palm to his face, she watched him with eyes gone heavy from fatigue. “But you’re still the best thing I’ve ever seen.”

Turning his head, he caught her hand in one of his and pressed a kiss into her palm. “I love you, Donnatella Moss Lyman.”

“Love you, too Joshua.” Donna felt her eyes closing. “Sorry,” she murmured.

Josh frowned. “For what?”

Donna’s voice was soft and very far away when she answered. “Guess...you’re not...the only one...who’s tired.” With that her eyes slid all the way shut.

He stroked her hair again. “That’s okay,” he answered softly. “You’ve had quite a day. Besides, you want to be all rested when you get to meet our daughter.”

“Can’t wait...” she murmured as a contented little sigh escaped her lips and she slid under. 

Settling back into the chair, he watched her sleep and felt the rest of the thing inside him uncurl. She and MJ were going to be okay.

And for the first time in months, Josh breathed a sigh of relief. They were going to be okay.

**********

Feeling the touch of someone’s hand on her wrist, Donna’s eyes fluttered open. “Josh?” she murmured.

The ICU nurse taking her pulse smiled. “Hi there.” 

“Where’s Josh?” she replied groggily.

“You just missed him,” she replied as she started to withdraw some blood from the port on Donna’s central i.v. line. “He said to tell you that he’d be right back.”

Donna laid there for a moment watching the nurse and trying to get her bearings. She knew she was in the hospital, the ICU if she remembered right. She also remembered that she’d been awake on and off since she’d been there and Josh had been there each time she’d surfaced. 

“How long have I been here?” she asked quietly.

“You’ve been here in the ICU since last night,” the nurse told her. “About twelve hours.”

“Twelve hours?” she said with a frown. “I didn’t think it was that long.”

“Being disoriented is natural,” she told Donna. “It will take a little time for your body and your mind to catch up.”

For some reason, Donna realized that she hadn’t really asked about her own condition. She’d been so worried about Josh and MJ that she hadn’t thought to ask about herself. She glanced at the i.v. line going into her hand.

“Am I okay?”

“Actually, you’re our star patient,” the nurse said with a smile. “In fact by this time tomorrow I imagine you’ll probably be shipped out of here and settled into a regular room. We only keep beds in here for sick people and you’re just a little too healthy to qualify.”

Donna couldn’t work up the energy to smile at her comment. “I don’t feel especially healthy at the moment.” 

“Are you feeling much pain?”

Donna considered the question. Most of what she was feeling was dulled by the medication they were still giving her. “No, not really...” 

To Donna, things still felt like she was thinking and moving in slow motion. It took her a minute to realize for the first time that her left arm was immobile. Not that she wanted to move it anyway. When she tried, the pain in it went from dull to piercing.

“Why can’t I move my arm?” Donna asked her.

“The doctor had to immobilize it after your surgery,” the nurse told her.

“Surgery?” Donna murmured having to think about that. 

Her mind went back to the courthouse again and she tried to play follow the dots with the events of the last 24 hours as she knew them. 

The courthouse and the shooting she remembered. Waking up in the ICU and seeing Josh she remembered. But the rest of it was largely a big, grey blank. 

“What kind of surgery did I have?” she asked the nurse.

The nurse was used to patients who were a bit out of it and didn’t mind explaining. “You had a C-section so they could deliver your baby and then the doctors had to repair the injury to your shoulder.”

“What did they do to my shoulder?” Donna asked next.

“Well, I think it might be better if I let the doctor explain that when he comes in to see you today,” the nurse replied.

“Will I be able to use my arm again?” Donna said quietly as her slow moving brain tried to decide if she should be worried or not about her injuries.

The nurse nodded. “I think it’s safe to say that you’ll be able to use it just fine. In fact, the doctor will most likely want to get your arm and shoulder moving in the next couple of days. But you’ll still have to wear a sling for the next month or two until things heal completely and you can start your physical therapy. But again, the doctor can tell you more about that when he comes today.”

Donna felt a little relieved at hearing that. “Okay, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, now I need to get these to the lab. You just rest. I’m sure your husband will be right back.”

As if on cue, Josh came around the corner pushing something in front of him.

“Speak of the devil,” the nurse teased as she left.

“Hey, you’re awake,” Josh greeted her as he leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss. “I’d hoped you would be. I brought you a surprise.”

“A surprise?” she asked, trying to muster a smile.

“Well, actually it’s more the fulfilling of a promise,” he said with a little twinkle in his eye.

She frowned a little. “What promise?” 

Josh turned back to the small cart he’d been pushing in front of him and when he turned back he had a tiny bundle in his arms. “The promise to bring a very special visitor to see you.”

Donna blinked at him. “Is that...?” she couldn’t quite make her mouth work to finish her sentence.

“Yep.” Carefully balancing the sleeping baby, Josh pulled the blanket away from MJ’s face so Donna could see her. “Mom, I’d like you to meet our daughter, Monica Joan Lyman.”

Donna felt her breath catch and tears gathered in her eyes. For the first time since she’d woken up in the ICU, Donna had a moment of perfect clarity. 

Their daughter.

With tears streaming down her face, Donna lifted her hand and laid it gently on MJ’s blanket wrapped form. The warmth coming up through the blanket went through her hand like a tangible lifeline. “She IS beautiful, isn’t she?”

Josh grinned. “She takes after her mother.”

“Is it okay that she’s here?” Donna said with a little sniff.

“Yes, I got permission,” Josh said. “They moved MJ into the regular nursery a few hours ago and since they have no infectious patients here in the ICU, her doctor said it was all right to bring her down here. But she can only stay for a few minutes then I’m supposed to take her back to the nursery.” He looked up from MJ and smiled at Donna. “And your doctor thought having her come see you was the best medicine he could prescribe.”

Donna finally found the energy to smile. “Do you think I could hold her?”

Josh had expected the request. “Sure. Lay your hand on your hip and bend your arm a little.”

She did as he instructed and he carefully laid a sleeping MJ in the crook of her arm. Since they still had Donna sitting up at a fort-five degree angle, she was in the perfect position. She watched as the baby stirred softly and her eyes opened briefly before she settled back to sleep. With only one useable hand, Donna couldn’t exactly touch MJ while she was holding her, so she just settled for enjoying the tiny but solid weight of MJ’s body pressing against her hand and arm.

“Pretty amazing, huh?” Josh said as he rested his arms on the bedrail and watched Donna holding MJ.

“Yes, she is,” Donna agreed.

Donna got an unexpected prize when MJ stirred slightly again and her foot slid out from the bottom of the blanket. Donna’s hand was in just the right place to hold it delicately. She marveled at the smoothness of MJ’s skin and how small her toes were.

“She’s so tiny,” Donna murmured as she continued to lightly rub MJ’s foot.

“I know,” Josh agreed. “The doctor said she was six pounds, nine ounces when she was born. I think I have shoes that are heavier than she is, but the doctor said she was very healthy.”

The three of them were quiet for a few minutes

“Beautiful...” Josh said quietly.

“I know, she’s even more beautiful than I imagined,” Donna said staring down at MJ. 

Josh smiled at her. “Yes, she is, but I wasn’t talking about MJ. I was talking about you. You look beautiful with her in your arms.”

Donna held onto her smile as she looked up at him, her eyes soft with emotion. “Thank you for bringing her here, Josh. You have no idea how much this means to me.” 

Josh felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. He gently brushed a piece of hair back from her face. “I know exactly how much it means, Donna. I felt the same way the first time the nurse put her in my arms.”

***********

Donna’s condition continued to improve and she was moved into a regular room the next morning. However, her visit with MJ had exhausted her and so she spent a lot of time asleep that first morning. She was comforted by the fact that every time she woke up, Josh was there. 

“Josh?” she murmured when she surfaced again about noon. Honestly, she felt more awake than she had in days.

“Hi. How you doing?” he said from the chair next to her bed as he gave her hand a squeeze.

“I’m okay,” she replied. As she laid there, she studied him for a moment with a little frown creasing her forehead. “You look so tired,” she told him. “Have you slept at all?”

Josh just shrugged. “Not really, I’ve been too busy looking after you and MJ. It’s okay. There will be plenty of time to sleep later.”

She squeezed his hand back. “Josh, you need some sleep if you’re going to take care of us,” she chided gently.

“I know and I’ll sleep, I promise,” he replied. “Now stop worrying. I want you to focus all your strength on getting better.”

“How’s MJ doing?”

He couldn’t help but grin. “She’s great. Right now she’s getting her beauty rest too. I thought I’d bring her back up to see you this afternoon. Maybe when it’s feeding time so you could help feed her.”

“I don’t think I can breast feed her with all the medication they’re giving me,” Donna replied.

“No, they said we’d have to feed her formula for the first week or so until you’re off the antibiotics.” He paused. “They said you’d already asked to be taken off the pain medication.”

“Yes,” she replied. “Except for Tylenol. I want to be able to breast feed her as soon as possible and I didn’t want to take a chance I might become dependent on the pain medication.” 

Josh looked at her for a moment. “Donna, while I applaud the idea, are you sure you don’t want at least a little pain medication? You must be in pain from all your surgeries.” He ran a hand over her cheek. “I don’t want you to be suffering needlessly.”

“I’m not,” she insisted. “As long as I don’t move a lot, it doesn’t hurt too much.”

“The problem is you might need to start moving,” he said. “The doctor said he wanted to try and get you and your arm moving again in the next day or two. If he doesn’t he said it could take longer for you to get the mobility back in your arm.”

“I know, I guess I’ll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it. Besides…” She gave him a smile. “I’m tougher than I look.”

He gave her hand a squeeze and smiled back. “Actually you’re a whole LOT tougher than you look,” he said, then sobered. “But you know, the doctor said that if you’re able to get up and moving around all right, he thought you, and MJ for that matter, could go home by the end of the week. I just don’t want your recovery to be hampered because you’re in too much pain.”

“Josh, there’s nothing I want more than to go home with you and MJ. I’m not going to let something like pain keep me from doing everything I can to make that happen,” she told him determinedly. “I promise that if I’m in so much pain it interferes with that then I’ll ask for something.”

Josh could tell that was about as good as he was going to get from her on the subject, so he let it go. “All right.” He smiled. “You know I’d say just don’t be a hero, but the truth is…you already are a hero. To me anyway.”

She felt herself blushing at the compliment. “I haven’t done anything heroic,” she said, with a self-effacing little smile. “I couldn’t even duck properly.”

Josh frowned at her. “Is that what you think?” he asked. “Donna, everything you’ve done in the last ten months has been heroic. Against all the odds, you saved yourself and ME over and over again. You dodged the bad guys and beat them at their own game so that now they’re sitting behind bars where they belong. You handled being pregnant with grace and determination like I’ve never seen and now we have a healthy baby girl. And you did all that while never losing that loving, giving part of yourself that I’ve always loved about you.”

After the sweetness of his words, it was either laugh or cry for Donna at that moment. She’d had so many tears in the past days, she went for a chuckle instead, but then winced when her shoulder, abdomen and broken rib protested. While Josh watched her in concern, she took a slow breath to bring the pain back under control.

“Sorry. I guess I won’t be doing much laughing for a while,” she finally said. “Josh, I appreciate what you’re saying but you make me sound like Wonder Woman and have to tell you that right now…I definitely don’t feel like it.”

He relaxed a little when he saw she was okay. “Well, trust me, you are.”

She stared back at him for a moment. “Well, if I am it’s because you’re my magic lasso and my bullet deflecting bracelets.”

“I was always partial to the invisible plane, myself,” he joked lightly.

“That too,” she replied with a smile. “What I’m trying to say is that I couldn’t have done any of those things without you. We’re a team now, remember? All three of us.”

He smiled tiredly. “Yeah, we’re in this together, aren’t we?”

“Definitely.” She looked at him for another long moment. “And right now, one of our team members looks like he’s about to fall over from exhaustion.”

Josh sighed. He was tired. In fact, his head was beginning to feel too heavy for his shoulders. Usually a sign he needed to get horizontal pretty soon before he fell on his face.

“I guess I am a little tired. I’ll just sit in the chair and close my eyes for…”

“No, you’ll wake up feeling like a pretzel,” she interrupted. “I have a better idea.”

“What?” he asked with a frown.

“This bed is pretty is big. I think there’s room to share,” she offered. 

He shook his head. “No, I don’t want to crowd you.”

“Josh, you wouldn’t crowd me,” she assured him. “You can lay on my good side. That way even if you touch me a little you won’t hurt anything.” He still looked skeptical and a little worried. Slowly and very carefully she shifted herself slightly toward her injured side so he’d have a little more room on her good side. “Please, Josh. I miss having you beside me.”

Her words finally helped make up his mind. He’d desperately missed being able to touch her more than holding her hand or brushing her cheek. Even though he knew he still couldn’t get as close as he would have liked, he didn’t care. It would be enough.

With a nod, he gently climbed into bed with her and staying on top of the covers, managed to hold back a grimace at the pain that shot through his leg when he moved it wrong. Luckily, when he maneuvered himself onto his side facing her, his injured leg was on the top. There was actually a great deal more space next to her than he’d expected and being so close to her now, he immediately felt himself relax. 

“Rest your head on my shoulder,” she said as he settled himself beside her.

“You okay?” he said softly as he laid his cheek against her shoulder and felt the lack of sleep already catching up with him.

The weight of his head on her shoulder was oddly comforting and she had to smile at the slight tickling feeling his breath had on her skin as it skimmed over her neck. “I’m fine, but are you comfortable?”

“Never better,” he said in a voice already gone soft and thick from the sleep pulling at him.

“Good, then go to sleep,” she whispered as she managed to turn her head and tenderly kiss the top of his head. 

Laying her hand on his where it rested between them, both his arms automatically wrapped around hers like it was a lifeline. 

She watched him sleep for a few minutes and marveled at how much they’d been through together...how much they’d survived.

It wasn’t long before she felt herself being pulled under with him and letting out a happy little sigh, she faded back off to sleep.


	41. Chances

Chapter 41

Much to her surprise, Donna was the one that surfaced next. From the light coming in the window of her hospital room she guessed it was early to mid-afternoon. 

In testimony to just how exhausted he was, Josh was pretty much unconscious beside her. He wasn’t even snoring, all she heard from him was the light sound of his steady breathing. She was really glad that she’d encouraged him to get some rest.

After she’d laid there for a while with her shoulder aching a bit and without feeling sleepy again, she decided to try watching some TV to take her mind off her shoulder. Being careful not to wake Josh, she untangled her good arm from his and was able to reach behind him to the control on the bed rail and she switched on the TV.

There wasn’t much on, so she settled for the Discovery Channel and started watching a program about the building of the Golden Gate Bridge.

As for Josh, he woke up about 30 minutes later. Although he seemed to wake suddenly with his eyes popping open, he’d slept so hard he was a little groggy and his brain was working slowly. He scrubbed a hand over his face.

“Hi,” Donna said softly from beside him. “How you doing?”

“God, I feel like I’ve slept for a week.”

She took his hand. “No, only about four or five hours. You really were tired.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled as he stretched a little and hearing the TV looked up at it and frowned. “Why are they dropping a crash test dummy from a crane?”

Donna smiled. “It’s a program called Mythbusters. They’re trying to prove or disprove a myth about falling off a bridge.”

Part of him considered the absurdity of what she’d said and what the program was doing, but he was really too groggy to spend any energy thinking about it. “Okay, whatever,” he said with a yawn. Blinking, he looked over at her. “How are you doing?”

“I’m okay,” she told him. “My shoulder hurts a little.”

That got his attention and cleared his head a bit. “You want me to get the nurse?” he asked in concern.

“No, it’s not that bad,” she tried to assure him.

“You sure?” 

“Positive.” She gave his hand a squeeze. “I’m all right, Josh.”

Josh tried to tamp down on his worry and give her the benefit of the doubt. “Okay,” he said with a sigh. “Hey, what time is it?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I think three or four o’clock.”

“I should go get MJ,” Josh suggested. “It’s almost her feeding time.”

“I’d like that.”

He shifted and started to maneuver himself so he could get off the bed. “Ow!” he said suddenly when pain shot through his leg. After pretty much lying in the same position for a long period of time, moving his sore leg again was a bit painful.

“What’s wrong?” Donna asked immediately concerned.

“Oh…ah, nothing, just a cramp,” he lied, not wanting to worry her.

She looked at him a little dubiously. “A cramp?”

“Yeah, just a cramp,” he said levering himself up and sliding out of bed. 

He stood up and managed to bite back another exclamation at the pain that shot though his leg again when he tried to put some weight on it. Luckily, he was facing away from Donna because there was no way he could hide the grimace that crossed his face. 

Josh came to the realization that there was no way he was going to get out of the room without using his cane. A cane which up until now he’d managed to hide from Donna. Even if he could make it around the room by leaning on the bed, he’d never make it to the door. At least not without falling on his face or hopping on one leg like a lunatic. 

He’d always known he’d have to come clean with her about his leg sooner or later, but he’d hoped it would be later when she was feeling stronger.

Josh sat down heavily on the side of the bed and his shoulders slumped in defeat.

“Josh?” Donna asked quietly. “What is it?”

He stared down at his hands. “I have something to tell you.”

“Okay,” she said cautiously.

Being careful of his leg, he turned his body so he could look at her. “But before I do, you have to promise not to get upset.”

“You do realize that’s never a good way to start a conversation, right?” she pointed out.

It was good to hear her banter again. “I know, I just…you need to focus your energy on getting better, not on worrying about what I’m going to tell you.”

“I hate to tell you this, Josh, but if it has anything to do with you or MJ it’s pretty much a forgone conclusion that I’m going to worry.”

He’d feel the same way in her place. “I know.”

“Then just take a deep breath and tell me what you want to tell me,” she instructed.

“Well, first of all, it has nothing to do with MJ, as far as I know she’s fine.”

“All right, that’s good,” she said. “Now tell me the rest.”

He let out a breath. “Well, um…okay, here it is…see, the thing is…”

“Go on,” she encouraged.

“I sort of…hurt my leg at the courthouse.”

Donna frowned. “Hurt? Hurt how?”

“It’s not bad,” he began. “The doctor said my leg may be sore for a week or so and I might need to use a cane.”

“A cane? But I haven’t seen you using a cane,” she pointed out.

“Yeah, well…I’ve sort of been hiding it from you,” he confessed. “Plus the fact that you’ve been unconscious a lot sort of helped.”

She was quiet for a moment and narrowed her gaze in assessment. “Josh, how did you hurt your leg?” she repeated.

“It’s really not a big deal, Donna,” he said. “I hurt it and the doctor said it would fine.”

“Joshua, HOW did you hurt your leg?” she demanded.

“Now see, you’re already getting upset.”

“I’m getting upset because you won’t give me a straight answer,” she replied. “Now how did you hurt your leg?”

He let out a sigh. Clearly, there was no way he was going to get out of telling her. “Okay, well…the truth is…I kind of…mildly…”

“Josh…” she growled warningly.

“I got shot,” he blurted.

Donna was pretty sure her lungs had suddenly forgotten how to breathe. “What…did… you…say?” she said very slowly.

“I got…shot,” he repeated more clearly. 

Suddenly her head lifted off the pillow before she thought better of it. “You got…! Ow…” she said closing her eyes and slowly putting her head back down. “…shot?” she said through gritted teeth. Her skin suddenly lost a couple of shades of color.

“Donna? What is it?” he said worriedly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah...” she choked out. Letting out a slow breath, she opened her eyes. “I just moved too fast.”

He took her hand. “It’s just a flesh wound, Donna. I swear. If you want I’ll have the doctor who stitched me up…”

“Stitched you up?!” she managed to say while forcing herself to stay still this time.

Josh ran a hand over his face. “Wow, I’ve really screwed this up.” He let out a sigh. “The bullet only went through the fleshy part of my thigh.”

“Really?” she asked trying to calm down a bit.

“Yes. And so the doctor cleaned it and then stitched up the front and the back of my leg. He even did it right in the ER with a local and he didn’t think I needed to stay overnight for observation or anything. He just said it would be sore and I should use a cane or crutches for a week or so.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she asked quietly.

“I didn’t want you to worry or get upset,” he said. “Like I said, I wanted you to concentrate on getting better.”

Her voice was soft when she answered. “But I like worrying about you.”

“And normally I like that you worry, but right now I need you to get better. MJ and I need you.”

They stared at each other quietly for a few moments.

He squeezed her hand. “I’m fine Donna, really.”

“But, Josh, you’ve been running all over the hospital like a crazy person taking care of me and MJ. You should be resting.”

“I’ve been trying to rest it whenever I can,” he told her. “And I just took what amounts to a four or five hour nap.” He gave her a little grin. “For me, that’s a lot of resting.”

To his surprise she didn’t even crack a smile and he frowned to see tears glimmering in her eyes. 

“I can’t believe you got shot,” she said tearfully. “This is all my fault.”

He slid closer to her. “Hey, hey, this is not your fault. Why would you say that?”

Even though it made nearly every part of her body hurt, she began to cry in earnest. “I never...should have...testified.”

“Donna...”

“It’s my fault you...got shot and it’s my fault...MJ came early.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” he argued.

“I’m sorry, Josh, I’m so sorry...” she cried softly. “I swear...I thought...I was doing...the right thing.”

“You were doing the right thing...you DID do the right thing,” he told her.

“I never thought...anything like this...would happen.”

Since in the past it seemed the best way to get through to her, he held her face in his hands. “Donna, listen to me.”

Even though she was still crying, it had gotten softer and he hoped that meant she was ready to listen to him.

His own panic and upset made him want to yell at her, to make her understand, but he knew that wasn’t the way to get through to her so he carefully quieted his voice.

“None of this is your fault. Do you hear me, Donna? NONE of it.”

“But...” she tried.

“No buts,” he replied firmly. “It’s NOT your fault.”

She didn’t say anything, but she’d stopped crying which he took as a good sign.

“Now, I want you to say it with me. It’s...not...my...fault,” he said slow and clearly. 

“It’s...not...” she began. Tears swam in her eyes again as her voice trailed off and her eyes darted away from his. “I can’t...Josh. It IS my fault.”

Pulling his hands away from her face, he took a step back, let out a frustrated breath and dragged a hand through his hair. “Donna...”

“No, Josh, it’s my fault,” she insisted tearfully.

“You’re the only one who thinks that,” he told her. “Everyone else thinks you were incredibly brave to testify.”

“No, it was stupid,” she replied. “I never should have taken the chance.”

If his leg wasn’t injured, he would have paced around the room to work off a little of the frustration he was feeling, but he had to settle for staring up at the ceiling to gather a little strength.

“Donna...” he began. “MJ and I need you and we want you to get better as soon as humanly possible. If you let this unreasonable…not to mentioned undeserved guilt get the better of you it’s only going to slow down your recovery.” 

She stared at him for a long moment, the expression on her face making it appear that she was analyzing something. He felt a ray of hope go through him when she seemed to pull herself together.

“You better go get MJ. We don’t want to miss her feeding time,” Donna said.

The hope evaporated, leaving a small knot in his chest. Josh could see she was clearly trying to slam the door on their conversation and knowing they were getting nowhere, he signed inwardly. “Donna…come on,” he pleaded.

“Please Josh, I want to see her…I need to see her.”

He could see he wasn’t going to get any farther on the subject, so he let it go...for now. Maybe seeing MJ would boost her spirits. 

“Okay,” he said picking up his cane. As he hobbled to the door, he could all but feel her eyes boring into his back. At the closed door, he paused and turned. “But we’re not done with this discussion.”

After he left, Donna laid there dully. She was too wound up to sleep again, not to mention her shoulder was now throbbing in time with each beat of her heart. On the other hand, she was also too tired to cry anymore.

Now that she was alone, the pain and anger at Josh having been shot and MJ possibly harmed washed over her again.

How could Josh not see that everything that had happened was utterly and completely her fault?

She’d been so arrogant and so stupid to think that she could testify and not have there be any consequences. Even though no one had said it, she assumed Stone had been the one shooting at them. If that was the case, she’d been blind as well. She knew Stone and what he was capable of and she should have realized that there was no way anyone could have adequately protected her, and by extension Josh and MJ. 

Staring at the ceiling, all she wanted at that moment was to hold MJ. She hoped Josh hurried because right then she needed to have them both in the same room so she could see with her own eyes that they were all right.

Hearing a knock at the door, she glanced over at it. Expecting to see Josh, she was surprised to see Ron Butterfield push it open.

“Ron?” she asked with a frown.

“Hi, Donna,” he replied. “Where’s Josh?”

“He went up to get MJ so we could feed her,” Donna replied.

“Oh, I see. So how are you feeling?”

Muting the TV, she let out a little sigh. “Like I have a whole new appreciation for what it feels like to get shot,” she said trying to make a joke and failing miserably. 

Ron nodded thoughtfully. “That’s understandable.”

“Overall I’m doing okay though,” she added.

He paused a moment. “Donna, I know you’ve got to be tired right now, but I was hoping I could talk to you about a couple of things.”

Donna stared at him for a moment, not sure if she should say yes or make up some excuse to postpone whatever he wanted to talk about. But, in the end, she decided she needed something to distract her while she waited for Josh to come back so she agreed.

“Of course, Ron. What did you want to talk about?”

He walked over to the bed. “Well, if you’re feeling up to it, I wanted to go over some things related to the shooting.”

Again, Donna wasn’t sure she was ready to talk about what happened, but in a way, she wanted to get it over with. “Okay, but I don’t know how much I can tell you.”

Ron looked at her for a moment. “Donna, do you remember the moments right before you were shot?”

Donna was surprised and a little baffled by the question, but she thought back to that day at the courthouse. “Yes, I think so. I remember us walking out of the courthouse toward the car.”

He nodded. “Do you remember doing anything out of the ordinary?”

Donna frowned. “Like what?”

“Like suddenly rearing up right before the first shot?”

She thought about that. “I don’t think I remember anything like that…”

“What I mean is, before then you had been walking slightly bent over with your head and shoulders a bit down and forward. Then, in the moment just before you were shot, you suddenly stood up very straight. I was wondering if you saw anything that alerted you to what was happening? A flash or some kind of movement from across the street maybe?” 

“No, I don’t think so.” She searched her memory, trying to scavenge up the moment in question. “Oh, wait,” she said as it suddenly surfaced. “Yes, now I remember. It was the baby. MJ kicked me really hard just then and that’s why I suddenly stood up.”

Ron nodded again. “I see. Well, that explains it.”

“Explains what?”

“Nothing, it was just my curiosity more than anything else. When I watched the tape…”

“It’s on tape?” she asked in surprise.

“Yes, it was recorded by the courthouse security cameras,” he told her. “Not to mention some of the press filming at the front of the building.” 

The idea of seeing it happen over and over again, horrified her. “Oh…” she said quietly. She glanced at the TV and realized then how lucky she’d been to pick the Discovery Channel to watch earlier. It didn’t carry any regular news. She had no desire to see herself on the what was probably any and all news or news related programs.

Ron waited for her to say more than ‘oh,’ but when she didn’t, he continued. “Anyway, I only asked about you straightening up because it almost seemed like you knew what was coming and I wondered about it.”

She stared at him. “I didn’t know, Ron, I swear,” she told him.

”I wasn’t trying to accuse you…” he said.

Donna jumped in before he could finish. “In fact, that’s the problem. I SHOULD have known that Stone would do this.”

Ron looked a bit taken aback by her reaction. “Josh told you it was Stone?”

“No, I figured that all out on my own,” she said. “I should have realized that a little thing like being hit by a car wouldn’t stop him.”

Ron was quiet for a moment. “Did Josh tell you what happened to Stone?”

“We haven’t had too much time to talk about it,” she said. “I hope he’s rotting in a cold, dark jail cell and has a 600 pound cellmate named ‘Bubba.’” 

“Donna…” Ron began gently. “He’s dead.”

She stared at him for a long moment. “You’re sure?”

“Yes, positive.”

“Good,” she said without hesitating. “That means that he’s not out there any more and we can stop looking over our shoulders.”

Ron didn’t quite know how to respond to that. Her cool manner-of-fact reply had surprised him. “He won’t be bothering you any more.”

They were both quiet for a moment and finally Donna forced herself to ask the question she’d been dreading. “Ron, how many were hurt at the courthouse?”

“You and Josh haven’t talked about it?” Ron asked her.

“No,” she replied. “Today’s really the first time I’ve had enough energy to talk much or stay awake longer than 5 minutes.”

It took him a moment to answer. “One of my agents is dead, three FBI agents are dead and three are wounded...including Mike.”

Donna blinked in surprise, she hadn’t even thought to ask where Mike was. “Mike? What happened to Mike?”

“He took a shot to the chest. The bullet was lodged in the wall of his heart,” Ron explained. “For a while, they weren’t sure he was going to make it, but he survived the surgery and he’s in the Cardiac Care Unit but his doctors think he’ll make a full recovery. He’ll probably never work in the field again though. That kind of an injury will consign him to early retirement or a permanent desk job.”

Donna was saved from having to formulate a reply by the opening of the door to her room.

“Here we...” Josh began as he pushed MJ’s bassinet into the room and saw Ron sitting by the bed. “...are.”

Donna easily read the momentary look of panic on Josh’s face before he managed to cover it. It was clear that he desperately wanted to know what they’d been talking about. She wondered if he’d deliberately avoided bringing up the same things Ron had.

“Hi, Josh,” Ron said. 

“Hey,” Josh replied a bit cautiously.

Apparently, Donna wasn’t the only one who saw the look on Josh’s face because Ron seemed to try and put forth an explanation. “As part of my investigation, I was just getting some information from Donna on what she remembered about the courthouse.”

Rather than looking relieved, Josh looked even more concerned. In fact, he had the ghost of an ‘oh, shit’ look on his face.

“Oh, right...” Josh stumbled. “Donna and I haven’t had much of a chance to talk about that yet.” He paused. “I’ve been trying to keep her focused on getting better.”

There had been no real heat in his words, but it was obviously a gentle rebuke directed squarely at Ron.

And Ron clearly got the message. “I know, that’s why I didn’t want to stay long. I just needed some details for my report.”

Donna laid there silently and watched their exchange.

“She needs her rest,” Josh replied.

“I know, but...well, I better go.” Ron said quickly. He glanced back at Donna. “I’m sorry if I disturbed you.”

“You didn’t,” Donna replied. “Thank you for coming by.” 

At least Ron hadn’t been afraid to tell her the truth.

Ron looked oddly relieved by her words, not to mention he was probably just glad to be leaving. He walked toward the door, but stopped next to MJ’s bassinet and looked inside. Donna could hear soft little sounds coming from the bassinet and knew that MJ was awake and probably moving around a little inside. 

“I’m no authority on babies or anything, but she really is cute,” he said. 

“Thank you, Ron,” Donna replied with a smile.

Josh couldn’t help but grin proudly. “Yeah, thanks, Ron.”

“Well, I’ll check on you guys later,” Ron said. With a nod, he turned and walked out.

“Finally, some alone time,” Josh said with a grin as he carefully gripped his cane in one hand to walk and MJ’s bassinet in the other.

She stared at him silently as he came toward the bed.

For Josh, there was no mistaking the serious look on her face or the questioning, almost angry look in her eyes. Her moods were becoming so mercurial, he didn’t know if he should ask her what was wrong or just pretend everything was okay and hope whatever it was would pass. Pretending things were okay between them when they weren’t had never been a good idea so he threw caution to the wind.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

It took her a moment to respond. “In the future, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t talk about me as if I wasn’t in the room,” she said quietly.

Baffled, Josh frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Just now, with Ron, you talked about me like I wasn’t even here.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said as he was ready to argue with her about it, then he realized it probably had sounded a bit like that. “You’re right, I’m sorry, that was thoughtless of me.”

Surprised by his quick apology, she watched him smile down at MJ and make a little cooing noise as he adjusted her little hat. For some reason his apology hadn’t really done all that much to ease her annoyance with him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about Mike and the others?” she asked next. “Not to mention the tiny fact that what happened at the courthouse was all Stone’s doing.”

The ‘oh, shit’ look came back into his eyes. “Oh, I guess Ron, told you all about it.”

The minute the words were out of his mouth, he knew it was probably the wrong thing to say. 

“Yes, he did,” she replied flatly. “And I would have rather heard it from you.”

“I would have told you, Donna,” he insisted. “I was GOING to tell you. There just hasn’t been time. Until this afternoon you’ve been asleep more than you’ve been awake and I’ve been running between the ICU and the nursery and there just wasn’t a chance to talk to you about it.”

“Don’t keep things from me, Josh,” she snapped out in reply.

He blinked in surprise at her tone. “I...I wasn’t...I mean I wouldn’t have.” He felt like he was dancing through a minefield with her and didn’t have a clue how to get out of it. “Donna, I swear I was going to tell you.” He let out a breath and dragged a hand through his hair. “I just wanted you to get a little stronger before I did,” he finally admitted. 

“Okay,” she finally agreed. “But in the future I want to know sooner rather than later.”

He hoped that meant that whatever argument they weren’t exactly having was over. “All right, I promise I’ll tell you if anything else comes up.” When she didn’t say anything more for a long moment, he got a little nervous and turned to MJ for help. “So, are you ready to hold her?” he asked with a smile.

Donna did her best to swallow down any remaining annoyance and anger toward Josh so it wouldn’t intrude on her time with MJ. “Yes, I am.”

“Good, Josh said with a smile as he scooped MJ out of the bassinet like a pro. “Because she’s been awake and really active ever since I got to the nursery. Well, as active as a 3 day old baby can be,” he amended.

Donna felt of twinge of envy go through her as she watched him hold MJ. She felt cheated that he got to spend a lot more time with MJ simply because he wasn’t confined to a bed and had the use of both his arms. 

“Can I hold her now?” Donna asked. She hated that it sounded like she was begging to hold her own child.

Not picking up on her growing disquiet, Josh grinned. “Absolutely.”

After Donna had adjusted her good arm, he carefully settled the baby in the crook of it. “Be sure to keep your arm a little bent so you support her head right.”

“I will,” she said. 

Looking down at MJ, Donna smiled and felt some of the tension and boiling emotion inside her drain away. The baby really was beautiful and she looked so perfect.

Donna’s smile quickly faded as MJ seemed to realize that something was different and she apparently didn’t like it one bit. First her mouth drew into a little pout, then she turned a little red and screwed up her face as she started crying.

“What’s wrong?” Donna said becoming alarmed.

“Nothing,” Josh said. “She’s being a little fussy. I’m sure she’s just hungry. I brought her bottle with me.”

Turning back to the bassinet, Josh picked up a small bottle and then brought it up to MJ’s mouth. She promptly ignored it and kept on crying.

“What should I do?” Donna asked.

“Try jiggling her a little, that usually calms her down.”

Donna tried to jiggle her arm but being largely immobile like she was, it was really hard, not to mention painful. It also only seemed to make MJ more upset.

“Huh, I don’t know why she’s crying,” Josh said with a frown. “I’ve never had any trouble getting her to take a bottle or to stop crying.”

“Well, there seems to be a problem now!” Donna exclaimed. 

In other circumstances, her voice might have been able to sooth the baby, but Donna was so upset that it wasn’t helping at all.

“Here let me try,” he suggested.

Before Donna could say a word, Josh scooped up a crying MJ like he’d been doing it for years.

“Hey, it’s okay. There’s no reason to be so upset,” Josh cooed to MJ. 

Of course her crying stopped almost immediately. He sat down on the side of the bed and held the bottle up to her mouth. This time, she sucked greedily on the nipple.

“That’s it,” he encouraged. “You drink that all up. We want you to grow up to be big and strong.” He gave Donna a quick grin before he looked back down at the baby. “See, she’s a really good eater.” 

‘I should be breast feeding her,’ Donna thought silently. ‘That’s how I always thought it would be...how it should be.’

When MJ had finished the bottle, Josh gently placed her on his shoulder and rubbed her back until she gave a tiny burp. “Hey, that’s my girl,” Josh exclaimed with chuckle as he laid her back in his lap and lightly tickled her stomach.

Donna could only sit there watching them, her face a hard mask. 

If Josh hadn’t been so intent on looking at MJ, he would have noticed immediately that something was wrong.

As she stared at them, everything inside Donna seemed to fall into a pit deep in her belly.

Everything, that is, except her anger.

In fact, at that moment, all Donna could feel was her anger. She was so mad she wanted to throw something, but the only movement that her body managed to make was her hand balling into a fist.

Her child...the child she carried inside her for almost nine months didn’t know her, apparently didn’t even LIKE her.

And Josh had this whole life...this complete knowledge of MJ that she had no part of. Even with his injured leg, it was as if he’d become Super Dad or something.

Leaning sideways, Josh started to put MJ back into the crook of Donna’s arm.

“NO!” she said a bit more sharply than she’d intended.

Josh froze and frowned deeply. “What’s wrong?”

“Sorry,” she said trying to cover herself. “I just meant...she’s probably going to need to be changed so you might want to take her back to the nursery.” She stared at him and hoped he wouldn’t see the truth in her eyes. 

Josh continued to frown at her. Somewhere in his head, an alarm bell was trying to figure out if it needed to start ringing. “Are you okay?”

She gave him what she hoped was a believable smile. “Sure, of course. I’m just a little tired. MJ probably is too. It’s been a big afternoon for both of us.”

He continued to look at her. While he couldn’t exactly fault her logic, he still felt like he was missing something. Her smile was just a little...off and it didn’t reach her eyes, which were actually a little too...blank.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Positive, I’m just tired,” she said a bit too brightly. 

He could understand why she was tired, but something still didn’t feel right. On the other hand, he didn’t know what it was and Donna was clearly not going to tell him. She also had a point that he should be getting MJ back to the nursery. He just didn’t understand why she didn’t want to hold MJ more than she had.

Maybe he could get it out of her later. “Ah-kay.” Picking up his cane, Josh started to push the bassinet toward the door. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

“You know, Josh, I was thinking,” Donna began. “You’ve got to be tired too. After you drop MJ at the nursery, why don’t you have Ron take you back to the safe house and get a change of clothes and try to get a little rest yourself?”

Josh stopped and turned around. Now the alarm bells were going off. “Donna, what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” she lied. “Really, everything is fine.”

“Why don’t I believe you?”

Donna tried to retain her control on her quickly-fraying temper. “So now you’re calling me a liar?”

He was once again baffled by her words and the snap in her voice. “No, of course not, but I think there’s something going on that you’re not telling me,” he replied. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay? Do you want me to get the doctor or one of the nurses?” 

Maybe that was it, maybe she was in pain and didn’t want to tell him.

“No, I feel fine. Stop worrying. I just need some rest...all three of us need some rest. Pardon me for caring about your and MJ’s well being. I just thought it might be nice if you didn’t get so tired you fell on your face,” she replied in annoyance. “Oh, just do what you want.”

Josh didn’t know what to say to that. “No...I didn’t...it’s nice that you care...I like that you care,” he stammered. “I just thought...”

“What? What did you think?” she interrupted.

“Well, I thought...maybe, you’d want me to stay,” he said. He tried not to let the hurt he was feeling creep into his voice. “I thought maybe you’d want me here with you.”

“Of course, I want you here,” she said trying to divert his concern. If she didn’t, he’d never leave.

“I mean I can sleep in a chair.” He tried to give her a playful grin. “Or I could just take a nap with you like we did this afternoon.”

“Josh, you and I both know neither of those are all that great for you actually getting some rest. You should sleep...by yourself...in an actual bed.”

Josh stared at her, hurt flashing through him. He felt like she was kicking him out of bed to go sleep on the couch. “I don’t like sleeping alone anymore,” he said quietly.

“You know what I mean,” she argued. “Besides, it’s just for right now.”

Josh was out of arguments. He suddenly felt immensely old and tired. “All right.” Turning back to MJ, he started pushing her bassinet again. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said defeatedly.

Donna didn’t trust herself to say anything more to him. The second that the door to her room closed, the tears began to fall.

At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball and sob her heart out. Of course, her body being in the shape it was in, she couldn’t do much more than lay there on her back and cry quietly.

A few minutes later, when the worst of the emotion had subsided to a somewhat more manageable level, Donna wiped her face on the corner of her sheet. Then she took a deep breath and pressed the nurse’s call button.

The nurse’s disembodied voice came over the small speaker set into the bed rail. “Yes, Mrs. Lyman? What can I do for you?” 

Even hearing ‘Mrs. Lyman’ sent a painful little stab through her and it took her a moment to answer. “Um, yes, I wanted to know if my doctor was coming by soon? I’d like to talk to him.”

There was a brief pause. “Is everything all right?” she asked. “Do you need me to bring you something?”

“No, no,” Donna insisted. “I just wanted to ask him about a couple things.”

“Oh, well, he’s scheduled for evening rounds in about an hour. I’ll leave a note that you want to talk to him.”

“Thank you.”

Switching of the intercom, she dropped her head back against the pillow. It would be cowardly, she knew, but right now it was the only way she could think of to deal with the pain she was feeling.


	42. Chances

Chapter 42

“Mrs. Lyman?”

Glancing away from the TV, Donna saw her doctor entering the room. “Oh, hello, Dr. Rand.”

It had started to get dark outside, bathing her room in an odd half-light, so he switched the light on over her bed. “How are you feeling? I was going to check on you anyway, but the nurse said you wanted to talk to me about some things.”

Donna decided to cut right to the chase. “I’d like you to put me back on the pain medication.”

The doctor looked at her in confusion. “But I thought you said you wanted to be taken off of it.”

“I know, I did,” she replied. “But...I changed my mind.”

“Why? Are you in a lot of pain?”

“No, I mean, it’s not excruciating or anything,” she said.

Okay, so it was emotionally excruciating.

“But it’s more than I expected,” she continued. “I think it was too soon for me to be taken off of it.”

The doctor let out a long breath. “Mrs. Lyman, I have to say that I’m hesitant to put you back on the medication unless you’re in very serious pain.”

“Why? I mean aren’t you my doctor? Aren’t you supposed to do what I want?”

“Of course, you get input on your own care, but I’m also only going to do what I think is in your best interest.” 

“Why do you think putting me back on the pain medication is not in my best interest?” she demanded.

“For a number of reasons,” Dr. Rand said. “First, you said you didn’t want to be on it that long so you’d be ready to breast feed your baby when you got out of the hospital and your course of antibiotics was done.”

“But I only want the pain medication for a couple more days,” she argued. “That won’t affect that.”

He paused. “Okay, you have a point, but one of the other reasons I have for not wanting to put you back on the medication is because tomorrow I wanted to try getting you out of bed and see if we can’t get your shoulder moving. You know the pain medication makes you drowsy and sleepy. Not exactly a good combination for trying to get you moving.”

Donna felt an odd sense of panic at his suggestion. “It doesn’t matter, I’m not ready for that anyway.”

He frowned and looked even more concerned. “But at this point in your recovery you should be. It’s nothing strenuous, basically we try to keep your shoulder moving so the repaired joint doesn’t lock up. It’s not like you have to lift weights or anything. It’s just a manipulation of your arm.”

“I won’t do it,” Donna blurted.

Dr. Rand wasn’t used to such outright defiance from his patient. “But...”

“I won’t do it,” she repeated. “I told you I’m not ready. Now are you going to put me back on the medication or do I have to find another doctor who will?”

Her comment clearly surprised, not to mention irritated, the doctor. “I don’t like being bullied, Mrs. Lyman. I’m only doing what I think is best for your care.”

Donna could see she’d pushed a little too hard. Desperation brought tears to her eyes and she softened her voice. “I’m sorry, Dr. Rand. This last week has been so hard. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” She paused. “Please I just want a little help with the pain. It hurts enough that I don’t think I’ll be able to get any rest without it.”

Dr. Rand was a compassionate man and he knew she’d definitely had a hard couple of days. He let out a sigh. “All right, I’ll put you back on the medication, but only for a couple more days. The medication is too strong to give it to you longer than that. You could become addicted to it. If you still need something for the pain after that, we’ll have to look at more long term pain management methods.”

Relief rolled through her. “Thank you, Dr. Rand. Thank you.”

“Make no mistake, Mrs. Lyman, we will revisit the issue of getting you moving again in a couple days. It’s an essential part of your recovery and one we have to address before we can release you.”

She decided she’d just have to face that when the time came. Right now she just needed something to hide in.

Donna nodded. “I understand.”

**********  
The following night...

It was a cold, clear January night. There were stars shining brightly in the night sky along with a crisp three-quarter moon that seemed to watch everything like an unblinking, unflinching eye.

Followed at a discrete distance by a two-person detail, Josh leaned heavily on his cane as he walked across the street toward a small park across from the hospital. Wearing a clean pair of sweats and a light jacket he’d dug out of their luggage, he really wasn’t dressed to be outside, but he didn’t have much of a choice. The heavy coat he’d been wearing at the courthouse was not only stained with blood, but had long since been thrown away by the hospital staff. It was okay though, the cold temperature exactly suited the emptiness he felt and so he didn’t really notice it much.

Nearing a bench, he sat down tiredly and dropped his head into his hands.

He couldn’t believe this was happening.

Sitting there for a while, he was startled when a familiar voice spoke gently to him. “Josh?”

He looked up to see Sam and Leo standing in front of him. “Whoa, I didn’t even hear you guys walk up.” He blinked hard in disbelief. “Sam?”

Sam gave him a grin. “Yeah.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I came as soon as I could get away. I wanted to check on you and Donna and the newest little Lyman.”

Josh’s heart gave a little clench at Sam’s mention of Donna and MJ.

Sam saw Josh wasn’t going to say anything so he continued. “And from what Leo told me it’s seems like my timing was pretty good. Sounds like you need all the support you can get right now.”

He leaned back against the bench and stared up at the clear night sky. “Yeah.”

“Josh why aren’t you wearing a heavier coat?” Leo asked. “It’s freezing out here.”

Glancing down at what he was wearing, Josh just shrugged. “It’s a long story. I’m fine with just this.”

Leo looked dubious but didn’t say anything more about it as he and Sam sat down on either side of Josh.

“Has there been any change since I talked to you this morning?” Leo asked.

“No, nothing’s changed,” Josh said dispiritedly.

“You wanna talk about it?” Sam put in.

Josh exhaled and scrubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Why don’t we start with how your leg’s doing?”

Josh rubbed lightly at his thigh. “It’s all right. A little sore but that’s because I’ve been pacing a lot. The doctor said I should rest it,” he replied. “I’ve tried sitting in Donna’s room but when she’s awake it just seems to make things worse, I visited Mike for a while but he’s still so weak he sleeps most of the time, and I was making a pest out of myself in the nursery so they kicked me out of there for the night. In desperation, I even tried sitting in the waiting room but after a while I couldn’t take it so I came out here.” 

Shivering a little, Josh exhaled into the frigid, night air.

“Why didn’t you have Ron or one of the agents take you back to the safe house?” Leo asked gently.

“I thought about it, but I couldn’t quite face being there alone,” Josh told him. “I know it will sound cliché, but I don’t know where else to go.”

Leo hated to hear the slightly lost tone in Josh’s voice. “You’ll get through this, Josh. You’re not alone.”

“Well, that’s kind of how I feel right now.”

“Hey, you’ve got us,” Leo pointed out. “Don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Josh agreed. “I know.”

“And then you’ve got that beautiful baby girl who needs you.” Leo paused. “And despite what’s happening right now, I guarantee you Donna is still with you too.”

Josh mulled that over, but didn’t say anything.

“Speaking of the baby, how’s MJ doing?” Sam prompted hoping it would be the easier thing for him to talk about.

Despite his heavy heart, he smiled. “MJ’s great. Amazing even. They want to discharge her the day after tomorrow.”

“That’s great news, Josh.”

“Yeah, I know.” He sobered. I’m just not sure how I can look after a baby full time and be there for Donna too.” 

“Are you sure Donna would react so badly if you brought MJ to her room when you visit her?”

“She refuses to see her, Sam!” Josh exploded.

Agitated now, Josh felt the need to move again and he tried to get up off the bench, but the bench was a little low so it was hard to do it with his injured leg. 

“Would one of you help me up, please?!” he said in frustration.

Sam and Leo both jumped up and Josh took Sam’s hand and let Sam pull him up off the bench.

“Don’t you see?!” he said as he started to awkwardly pace in front of them. “That’s the problem!”

“Josh...” Sam tried.

“One minute things were fine and the next it was like she was a stranger!” Josh exclaimed. 

Sam didn’t let Josh’s yelling bother him. He knew that was just Josh’s way of venting his frustration. “What exactly happened between you two?”

“That’s just it, Sam. I don’t know,” Josh replied. “All I know is that yesterday I brought MJ up to see her and I thought things were going great. MJ was a little fussy and when I tried to get Donna to hold her again, things got weird. The next thing I know she’s telling me I should leave.”

Sam frowned. “She threw you out?”

“No. Not exactly. She told me I should go home and get some sleep.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad,” Sam said. “Maybe she was just concerned about...”

Josh tried to keep a reign on his temper. “It was the way she said it! It was like she didn’t want me there and was using being tired as an excuse. Then I come in this morning and find out that not 10 minutes after I left she asked to speak to her doctor.”

“Why did she want to talk to the doctor?” Sam asked. “Was something wrong with her medically?”

“Not as far as I could tell. Her doctor said she told him she was feeling more pain than expected and asked to be put back on the pain medication,” Josh said. “But she’d just told me that afternoon that she was feeling okay and the pain was tolerable if she didn’t move around too much. So either she was lying to me or lying to the doctor.”

“I’m not clear on why her having more pain medication is bad,” Sam put in.

Leo answered before Josh could. “The pain medication she’s on is very strong and makes her sleep a lot.” He paused. “There’s also a chance she could develop a dependency to it if she stays on it much longer.”

“I’m not worried about that,” Josh said. “Her doctor said he’d only keep her on it through tomorrow night. What worries me is that even when she is awake, she won’t eat, she refuses to see MJ, which I really don’t understand, and when I do manage to get her to speak, it’s nothing more than monosyllabic answers.” He paused. “The doctor told me she even refused getting out of bed or to try and move her arm.”

“Isn’t it too soon for her to be moving around?” Sam asked next.

“No, in fact with her shoulder replacement surgery she’s already past the time to try moving her shoulder. She doesn’t need to lift anything but she needs to move the joint to keep it from locking up. Plus getting her on her feet is important for her circulation and getting her discharged from the hospital.”

Sam and Leo didn’t know what to say. They stood there quietly as Josh continued to pace.

“It’s like she’s given up and she’s shut me out,” Josh told them helplessly. “And the worse part is I don’t know how to help her!” He stopped in front of them and exhaled slowly. “I know you said Stanley was coming next week Leo, but I think I’m going to need him to come sooner if possible. I don’t see how I have any choice. Maybe he can figure it out.”

“Yeah, um, Josh, about that...” Leo began.

But at that point, Josh wasn’t really listening. Instead he was well on his way to working up a full head of steam.

“I can’t believe I let this happen...!” he fumed. “I should have known something was wrong and fixed it before it got this far!”

“Josh...give yourself a break,” Sam tried. “There have been a lot of things coming at you in the last week.”

“I can’t let myself off the hook, Sam!” Josh yelled. “Donna and MJ depended on me and I’ve let them down!”

“You can’t fix everything, Josh,” Leo put in.

“He’s right,” Sam added. “This may have nothing to do with you. It may be something Donna has to fix for herself.”

Josh felt anger, hot and bitter, swell inside him.

“It has EVERYTHING to do with me, Sam!” Josh raged. “I was supposed to protect her and MJ and I didn’t!” 

Seeing a rather large hedge next to the bench, Josh took a blind swing at it with his cane. 

“Josh, that’s not true. You quit your job to go with her and for 10 months you’ve protected her...her and the baby...”

“Yeah, I’m a Prince! Don’t you get it? For the last 10 months SHE’S protected ME!” he fumed as he took another swipe at the hedge.

“Josh...” Leo tried.

But Josh had boiled over by that point and he took another swipe at the hedge as he continued to rant. Oddly, pounding at the hedge sort of hurt his arms but it also felt kind of good. Physical pain was something he could deal with. 

“When I got shot in Chicago she saved me and took care of me...!” he ground out.

Then he took another jab at the bush.

“She said she wanted to do more and what did I do? I got her pregnant...!”

This time he stabbed his cane right through the center of the bush.

“And I sure as hell didn’t protect her at the Courthouse!”

“Josh, would you stop it!” Sam tried, but it didn’t even slow Josh down and all he and Leo could do was stand there and watch him.

“And the worse thing is, even now, I can’t help her! In fact, I can barely get her to speak to me, much less hold her own daughter!!!”

Next he tried an up swing at the bush, almost like he was at the driving range.

“It’s all because of me and my ability to let her down over and over again!”

The words pushed him all the way over the edge into blinding fury and he finally began hacking wildly at the bush like he was trying to beat it into submission.

Sam sensed rather than heard footsteps coming up beside him as Toby arrived with someone. 

“I see I’ve been missing all the fun,” Toby remarked dryly as he watched Josh attacking the hedge.

“Yeah. Speaking of which, where have you been? Leo said you were going to meet us here,” Sam asked him.

“I had to pick someone up at the airport and their plane was late.”

Sam frowned. “Who were you picking up?”

“That would be me,” a voice said from behind Sam. 

Sam turned and blinked at the new arrival. “Stanley?”

“Hi, Sam,” Stanley Keyworth replied as he watched Josh with great interest. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I called him this morning and told him he need to get on a plane today, rather than next week,” Leo put in. 

“Apparently with good reason,” Toby added.

“Um, guys, what exactly is Josh doing?” Stanley asked.

“Well, right now he’s having a fight with a defenseless hedge...” Sam answered as Josh gave the hedge a particularly hard hit. “He’s, um, going to need a minute.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” Stanley said. “Do we know WHY he’s having a fight with the hedge?”

“No, but I think the hedge might be winning,” Leo threw in.

“He’s just a little upset,” Sam tried to clarify. 

“I think that would be safe to say,” Stanley replied.

After giving a last, hard swing, Josh’s wooden cane gave a great CRACK and broke in half. The end that broke off ricocheted wildly, almost taking out one of the agents on his detail. Luckily, the agent was alert enough that he saw it coming and stepped out of the way.

With his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath, Josh stood there looking at the remaining end of the cane still gripped in his hand. He felt as broken and incomplete as the cane was.

After dropping his end on the ground, he took one slightly shaky step back and surveyed the damage to the bush for a minute. 

When he went to take another step, his leg didn’t seem to want to cooperate and he stumbled like he might fall. Sam and Toby were the ones to get to him first and they each grabbed an arm before he could go down and helped him over to the bench.

“You okay?” Sam asked as Josh sat down heavily.

“Yeah...” Josh said, still largely out of breath. “Sorry...I guess...I don’t know...what happened there.”

“No problem,” Sam replied but I think we’re going to have to get you a new cane.”

“Not to mention a new hedge,” Toby added.

Josh tried to chuckle weakly. “Yeah, I suppose...” Looking up, he blinked hard at the figure before him. “Stanley?”

“Hey, Josh,” Stanley answered.

“What are you doing here?” he asked as he caught his breath enough to speak a little more clearly. “I haven’t called you yet.”

“I know, that was your first mistake,” Stanley chided.

“I was going to call you,” Josh replied. “I even told these guys I was.” He frowned. “Wait, if I didn’t call you, who did?” 

“I did,” Leo said. “I thought we needed reinforcements.”

Josh nodded for a moment then his frown reappeared. “But wait, why didn’t you tell me when I mentioned calling him before?” he asked Leo.

“I tried, but you were too busy getting ready to beat the crap out of a bush,” Leo said.

“Oh, that.” Josh looked sheepishly at the hedge and then back to Stanley. “Um, Stanley, you didn’t happen to see me...”

“Beating the crap out of a bush as Leo so eloquently put it?” Stanley provided.

“Yeah.”

“Afraid so,” Stanley said. “I saw the whole thing.”

“Um, about that...” Josh began. “You see, Stanley, here’s the thing...I need you here for Donna, not me.”

“Actually Josh, after that little display I think you BOTH need me here.”

“No...but...” Josh’s weak attempt at arguing faded away. He glanced back at the hedge. Stanley was right. He’d lost control. As much as he hated to admit it, talking to him about things might not be a bad idea. He let out a long breath. “Yeah...okay.”

Stanley was glad to see Josh wasn’t going to put up a fight. “Good. So what do you say? Can we go inside and talk?”

“All right...I guess it’s kind of freezing out here anyway,” Josh said. “But you guys are going to have to help me.”

Sam frowned. “Why?”

Despite being a little embarrassed, Josh laughed tiredly. “Because I don’t think I can make it without that stupid cane.”


	43. Chances

Chapter 43

As it turned out, once they got Josh back inside the hospital, Stanley thought it was too late to have a productive discussion and Josh was probably too tired to get much done that night. So he talked Josh into going back to the safe house to try and get at least a little sleep.

Actually Stanley thought that the safe house would be a perfect place for them to talk and not be interrupted. Since he’d been thoroughly vetted when he’d worked not only with Josh after Rosslyn, but with the President, Ron had no problem with Stanley not only having a session with Josh at the house, but actually staying in the guest room at the house as well.

Josh couldn’t sleep alone in the bed he’d shared with Donna, so he slept on the couch. Of course under the circumstances, ‘sleep’ was a subjective term for Josh and what he really ended up doing the most was tossing and turning.

“Hey, Josh,” Stanley said the next morning as he walked into the small living room to find Josh sitting on the couch staring blankly at the TV which was turned to what looked like an old re-run of Bonanza or Gunsmoke. 

Josh hadn’t even heard him come in. Looking up at Stanley, he blinked owlishly. “Oh, hi,” he said in a voice rough from disuse during the night. “I...I forgot you were here.”

Stanley stared at him for a moment. The bags under Josh’s eyes were big enough to drive a truck through. “I see you slept as well as I expected,” he commented.

Josh shrugged. “It’s hard to sleep...without her,” he replied. “I sort of got used to her.”

Stanley nodded. “Well, this will be a poor substitute, but it’s all I’ve got,” he said, handing Josh a rather large cup of black coffee.

Josh managed to give him a small smile in gratitude. “Thanks,” he said taking the mug and taking a long drink.

“Careful, it’s pretty hot, I just made it,” Stanley warned as he sat down in a chair next to the couch.

“That’s okay,” Josh said with a half chuckle. “Burning my tongue helps me remember I’m alive.”

It was meant to be a joke, but of course to Stanley it was anything but funny. “You need to be reminded of that?” 

Josh realized what he’d said and how it might have sounded, especially to Stanley. “Oh, I was just kidding.”

“Okay.”

Josh felt a sliver of anger dig into him. That was something he really hated about being around Stanley. It always felt like everything was measured and analyzed, like he was some bug under a microscope. 

“Seriously, Stanley, I was just joking.”

“I don’t recall arguing with you,” he replied. “All I said was ‘okay.’”

“Yes, but you said it in that way you have,” Josh shot back.

Stanley cocked his head slightly. “What way is that?”

“That, ‘I know you’re not telling me the truth, but I’ll humor you anyway’ way,” Josh explained.

“Does that mean you weren’t telling me the truth?”

Putting the cup down on the coffee table with a snap, Josh dragged a hand through his hair. “Stop it, Stanley!”

“Stop what?” Stanley asked in his usual calm manner. “I was just asking you a simple question.”

“Stop analyzing me,” Josh demanded. “I mean, God, Stanley, I haven’t even taken more than one drink of coffee and you’ve already started our session!

“To be honest, we haven’t started our session,” Stanley replied, unruffled. “I just came in here to give you some coffee. I figured you probably didn’t sleep well and might like some to help you wake up. You’re the one who seems to be doing the analyzing.”

Josh blinked at him again. He was torn between embarrassment and residual anger. “I...” he fumbled for the words. “...sorry.”

Stanley shrugged “Nothing to be sorry for. It’s kind of an occupational hazard.” Rising from the chair, he stood up. “Have you ever heard the famous saying by Freud, ‘Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar’?”

“Yeah...” Josh expectantly as he picked up his coffee again.

“Well, in this case, a cup of coffee was just a cup of coffee.”

Josh didn’t have a response, so he just held the cup between his hands and stared down into it.

“Now, I think I saw some eggs in the fridge so I’m going to have some breakfast. You want to join me?”

“No, I think I’ll just have this coffee, then grab a shower,” Josh replied.

Stanley accepted that and with a nod, headed for the kitchen.

Josh sat there for a few minutes, sipping at his coffee and staring, but not seeing the TV. When the coffee was gone, he knew he couldn’t put it off anymore and he started to rise.

And promptly fell back onto the couch.

While he could get up out of a chair with arms, his leg still wasn’t healed enough to let him up off the middle of the couch unaided, especially without his hated cane. Sitting there, he tried to think of a way to get off the couch without calling Stanley or one of the agents, but he came up empty. 

Before he gave up completely, he tried to get up off the couch a few more times on his own, but only succeeded in nearly falling off the couch. Having Stanley help him off the couch was definitely preferable to having Stanley help him up from the floor.

With a sigh, he resigned himself to the fact that he was going to have to get Stanley to help him.

“Um, Stanley?!” he called.

Over the sound of frying eggs, Josh heard Stanley’s voice come back. “Just a second!” 

“Take your time,” Josh muttered. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

The sounds from the kitchen died away and Stanley appeared in the doorway a few moments later. “What did you need, Josh?”

“I can’t...you know,” he said helplessly.

Stanley frowned slightly. “What?”

“I can’t get up,” he elaborated. “Can you help me up so I can go take a shower?”

“Oh...sure.” Stanley took a step forward, then stopped. “Wait, that reminds me...” he said heading back into the kitchen. A second later he returned carrying a new cane. “One of the agents asked me to give this to you.” He handed it to Josh. “It’s aluminum so it’s lighter...not to mention harder to break,” he teased.

“Thanks a lot,” Josh said still a little embarrassed by his outburst last night as he took the cane and planted the end of it firmly on the floor. Stanley held out his hand and Josh grabbed onto it and pulled himself off the couch. 

“You need anything else?” 

“No, I’ve got it,” Josh assured him.

With a nod, Stanley headed back into the kitchen as Josh hobbled to the bedroom.

Trying to ignore the sight of Donna’s things scattered around the room, Josh retrieved some of the supplies they’d given him at the hospital and some fresh clothes and stripped down to his boxers.

Since he only had one free hand, it took a couple of trips to get everything in there. As he gimped back and forth between the bedroom and the bathroom, Josh realized just how tired he felt. He hadn’t felt this tired since he’d woken up after Rosslyn. Painfully, he thought back to what had made him come out of it. 

Donna.

Well, Donna and a whole lot of rest.

He’d been secretly grateful when she’d invaded his life with ‘The Rules.’ When he felt old and infirm, she’d bullied and goaded him into getting up everyday. Not to mention the fact that she’d likely saved his life later on that Christmas by being the one to notice something was wrong.

After turning on the shower, Josh stripped off his boxers and removed the dressing on his leg. Using the waterproof pads they’d given him at the hospital, he somewhat clumsily, but effectively covered both sets of stitches and then stepped under the nearly scalding hot water.

The water was hot and pounding and although it couldn’t do much for his emotional state, he admitted that it did feel a little better to wash the stress and the hospital smell of the last few days off his body. He realized then that he hadn’t had a shower since the morning he and Donna had shared one before they’d left for the courthouse.

Now, that almost seemed to be a lifetime ago.

His mind couldn’t help but drift back to that morning. Neither of them had slept well and given both their moods, conversation had not been high on the agenda. But even with the stress of the trial looming over them, the physical connection between them had been undeniable.

It had started simply enough. Without being asked, Josh had silently rubbed and massaged her continually sore shoulders and back under the hot water. But it had suddenly taken a turn when Donna had knocked his hands away and pushed him against one of the walls and kissed him senseless.

Pressing herself as close to him as she could, she’d trapped his quickly hardening cock between them and rubbed it with her swollen body while her nails had dug deliciously into his ass as if she was holding him prisoner.

He loved it when she took charge and that morning had been no exception. Just about the time he’d been ready to beg her to stop before he came all over her belly, she’d pulled back and turned away. 

He’d been about to protest her absence when his brain finally processed the fact that she’d braced her hands against the wall and was presenting her very luscious backside to him.

One of the few words they’d actually exchanged during that shower came when she’d told him to take her from behind right there.

Not that Josh had needed any encouragement. Their desire for each other had only increased the longer they were together and the more pregnant she’d become. 

Although their moods would deteriorate later, in that moment, enclosed in the steamy confines of that shower their feelings and need for each other were laid bare.

Moving behind her, he’d wanted to make sure she was ready for him so he ran his hand over her backside and down between her legs. He’d almost come right then and there when he found that she was already warm and extremely wet in a way that had nothing to do with the water pouring from the showerhead.

Gripping her hips, he’d slid slowly into her. With her being so pregnant he didn’t go too deep, but with her already moaning he didn’t think either of them would last long enough to mind. 

Shifting his stance, he began to thrust slowly and steadily into her. Very shortly, she’d begged him to speed things up, but he’d been so close he knew that if he did it wouldn’t take more than a couple thrusts for him to come. 

Pausing for a moment, he’d chuckled when she almost growled at him for stopping, but the growl turned to a purr when he’d reached up and pulled one of her hands down from the wall and guided it down to her clit.

As he’d started to move again, this time gaining the speed and momentum they both craved, her hand moved in tandem with his thrusts and suddenly she’d been calling out his name as she contracted around him and he’d poured himself inside her. 

In the present, alone in the shower, he’d been so caught up in the perfect memory of that morning, he hadn’t realized how much his cock had ached for relief inside Donna. Almost unconsciously, his hand had reached for it and started pumping away as he remembered. Between the physical and the emotional sensations, his release was quick and left him slumped against the wall of the shower with both his legs feeling shaky.

And despite the endorphins it had brought on, the orgasm had also left him feeling that much emptier because it was a reminder that he was alone and not with her like he wanted to be.

No longer enjoying the feeling of hot water or the memories it inspired, Josh quickly soaped himself down, rinsed off and carefully stepped out of the shower.

As much as he wanted to avoid Stanley, Josh knew talking to him was inevitable. He also acknowledged that talking to Stanley could ultimately help Donna. So after putting a new dressing on his leg and slipping into his clean set of clothes, he hobbled back out to the living room.

There he found the TV off, a fresh cup of coffee waiting for him on the coffee table and Stanley sitting back in the chair he’d occupied earlier reading through a file.

Josh stood there for a moment. “I’m going to take a wild guess and say that we’ve now officially started our session?”

“Can’t get much past you, Josh,” Stanley replied. “Can I get you anything besides the coffee before we get going?”

Josh sat down wearily. “No, the coffee’s fine,” he answered as he laid his head back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “So where do we start?”

“Well, is there anything in particular that you want to talk about?” Stanley asked.

“No, I just want...” he lifted his head and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I just want to find some way to help Donna.”

“All right, but...” Stanley began.

“Wait,” Josh interrupted. “I want to add something else.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“For the record, I want to say that no matter what Donna tells you it’s not her fault.” 

Stanley cocked his head. “What’s not her fault?”

“Any of it...all of it,” Josh tried to clarify. “None of it is her fault.”

“I’m still not sure what ‘it’ is,” Stanley pointed out.

Josh blinked at him. “I figured you’d already gotten a report on this or someone had filled you in.”

“I am up to speed on most of the basic facts of what you and Donna have been through over the last 10 months, but I still want to know what you’re specifically referring to.”

Josh leaned back into the couch. “You know...Amy’s death, us going on the run, everyone at the courthouse getting shot, her getting shot, and me getting shot twice.”

Stanley nodded. “And you think that Donna is going to say she blames herself for those things?”

“No, not at all.” At Stanley’s confused expression, Josh tried to explain. “If you’re lucky, you might get her to admit that she blames herself for one of them, but from things she’s told me, I’m pretty sure that she’s blames herself for all of them.”

Stanley considered that. “Okay, now that we’ve established what you think Donna blames herself for, I’d like to know what YOU blame yourself for.”

Josh shrugged. “Well, that’s easy. I blame myself for everything, because it’s all my fault, but Donna’s the one to focus on. You need to make her see it’s not her fault.”

“Josh...” Stanley began. “We will be talking about Donna today, but this is not all about her. I’m here for you too.”

“But she’s the one that needs help. I’m okay.”

“No, Josh, I’m not convinced that you are,” Stanley replied.

“But...”

“Josh, when I got here I found you having a fight with a hedge,” Stanley pointed out. “That’s not generally a sign of what I would call ‘being fine.’”

“I know, I know but I was just tired and frustrated.”

Stanley nodded. “I’m sure that’s true, but don’t you think there might possibly be more to it than that?”

Josh shrugged. “No, I really was just tired and frustrated.”

Stanley looked at him for a long moment. “All right. So let me back up a minute here and ask you about some of the things you brought up.”

“Okay, shoot.” Stanley gave him an odd look and Josh amended his statement. “Sorry, bad choice of words.”

For a moment, it looked like Stanley would make a comment, but then he looked down at his notes. “Why don’t we start with what happened to Amy.”

Josh blinked in surprise. “Amy? I thought we were going to talk about me and Donna.”

“We are, but right now I’d like to talk about what happened to Amy,” Stanley told him. “Is that a problem?”

“No, no,” Josh said, just a little too quickly. “Of course, not.”

“Because you were the one that brought her name up a few minutes ago.”

“No, I know,” Josh agreed. “I just...I guess I didn’t expect to talk about it.”

“Well, I’d like to hear what you have to say about it.”

Josh opened his mouth then closed it again. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“There’s no script, Josh. Just tell me what you remember about that night.”

“Don’t you know?”

Stanley shuffled some papers. “Yes, I have the official account, but I’d like to hear your version.”

“Okay...well, Donna went over to Amy’s office in Arlington for an evening meeting  
and while she was there, a man we now know as Stone came in and shot Amy,” Josh said, giving him the short and sweet version.

But Stanley wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily. “Why did Amy want to meet with Donna?”

Josh frowned. “Um...she didn’t. Amy wanted to meet with me.”

“Okay, why did she want to meet with you?”

“Originally, she said that she wanted to talk about a bill coming up in the House, but we figured out later it was to talk about what she knew about Congressman McTierney and what she should do about it,” Josh replied.

“Is it usual for Donna to take meetings for you?”

“No...yes...I mean some meetings yes, usually low level ones or ones that I don’t have time to go to but I need someone there to represent me that I can trust,” Josh said. 

“Like a proxy,” Stanley suggested.

“Exactly. Plus...she’d been asking to do more things, more important things.”

“So that’s why you sent her to meet with Amy? Because the meeting was important but you didn’t have time to go yourself?”

“No,” Josh said sadly. “I wish that were it. I mean I did actually have another meeting to go to at the same time but I could have had Donna reschedule Amy’s meeting. In any case, I definitely didn’t think Amy’s meeting was important.” He gave a sad little laugh. “As a matter of fact I thought it was an annoyance.”

“So why did you send Donna?”

Josh scrubbed a hand over his face. “Because Stanley, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m an asshole.”

Stanley looked at him. “And you say that because you sent Donna to a meeting that you saw as unimportant?”

“Don’t you think that makes me an asshole?” Josh said sarcastically.

“No, I think that makes you a boss who sent his assistant to take care of a meeting he didn’t want to deal with. With Donna wanting to do more, I’m guessing that she was happy about that.”

“No, you couldn’t be more wrong. Donna hated the idea of going more than I did.”

Stanley cocked his head in curiosity. “Why?”

“She knew Amy wouldn’t be happy to see her in my place,” Josh replied.

Stanley nodded and then paused a moment. “Is that the only reason?”

“Well, Donna also never seemed to be overly fond of Amy so that might have had something to do with it too,” Josh answered. “Although I was never sure why Donna didn’t like her.”

Stanley suppressed most of the smile that threatened to escape. “You really don’t know?”

“No, but you obviously seem to,” Josh replied. “So are you going to let me in on the secret?”

“I’m thinking it might have something to do with Amy being the other woman.”

Josh frowned. “The other woman?”

“Yes, Josh. Amy was the other woman.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Stanley? Amy couldn’t be the other woman...I wasn’t married or dating anyone else when I was involved with her.”

“Of course, you were.”

“Stanley, I’d appreciate it if you’d stop talking in riddles.”

“Donna, Josh. I’m talking about Donna.”

“What...” Suddenly like a door slamming shut in a draft, Josh figured out what Stanley was trying to say. “Oh, my God.”

“That’s kind of what I was thinking,” Stanley said.

“OH MY GOD!” Josh exclaimed. “I am SO stupid!” 

“Well, I suspect it’s more a case of very carefully constructed denial on your part than actual stupidity.”

Josh would have gotten up and started pacing if he’d been able to. “Donna was in love with me that whole time.”

“That would be my guess, yes.”

“I never realized,” Josh insisted. “I mean I thought maybe she was a little jealous because I had someone and at the time she didn’t. I never thought it was because she actually wanted ME.” He looked at Stanley imploringly. “I swear, Stanley, I didn’t know. She’s been my best friend but until this all happened, I never thought she could feel more for me than that.”

“I believe you,” Stanley said.

Josh, hung his head. “All those times...” his voice trailed off. “I must have hurt her terribly.”

“Don’t beat yourself up too much, Josh. From what I know of Donna, she’s a pretty strong woman and was probably doing a fair amount of denying herself or she would have said something about how she felt a long time ago.”

“No wonder she didn’t want to go to the meeting with Amy,” Josh said almost to himself as the wheels in his head began to turn furiously. “Oh, my God,” he said again as he made another realization. 

“What?”

“I sent her...” He swallowed. “I sent her there to punish her.”

Surprised, Stanley frowned. “To punish her?”

“Yes, to punish her for letting Amy get an appointment on my calendar,” Josh explained. “It was like she was siding with Amy, which I didn’t like one bit.” 

“I think it’s natural not to want one girlfriend to be too chummy with another girlfriend.”

Josh grabbed large handfuls of his hair. “I caused all of this.”

“Josh?” Stanley said firmly. “Stay with me, okay?”

“But this is ALL my fault! I made her go to the meeting and almost got her killed.

“No, Josh, it’s NOT your fault. There’s no way you could have known that Stone was going to show up that night.” He paused. “Josh, listen to me. I didn’t take you down this road so you’d feel more guilty, I just wanted you to understand how much Donna has cared for you and how important your relationship with her is in your life.”

“But I do feel guilty!” Josh insisted.

“I know and you need to stop it,” Stanley replied. “You want Donna to forgive herself and stop feeling guilty, but you won’t do the same thing.”

“But that’s different,” 

“How is it different?” Stanley asked.

“Because it IS my fault, but it’s not hers.”

Stanley often marveled at Josh’s ability to take blame onto his shoulders. “No, Josh, it’s NOT your fault and it’s NOT Donna’s fault. It was bad timing and the blame belongs to Stone and the people who sent him. Donna was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time,” he said. “Anyone who knows you at all would say that if you had even the hint of an idea that Donna would be in any kind of danger you never would have let her go, even if it meant you’d have to go in her place.”

“That’s true.” Leaning is head back against the couch, Josh was quiet for a long moment. “Plus if I could back to that night and stop her from going, I would.”

“Would you really?” he asked.

“Of course, I would.” He was a little annoyed that Stanley would suggest otherwise.

Stanley needed to have Josh start seeing the upside of the situation. “You do realize that if you had stopped her, then it’s likely that the two of you would not be together right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if she hadn’t gone to Amy’s office, then it’s likely that neither of you would have admitted your feelings to each other. Would you really want to go back to the way it was? Go back to a world where Donna would be nothing more than your assistant and your friend? A world that meant no MJ?”

That gave Josh pause. It also reminded him of something Donna had said that day at the courthouse.

‘...you know, Josh, when all is said and done, I’m glad that the last 10 months happened the way they did. It brought us together and I wouldn’t trade what we have now or this baby for anything...’

He realized that he wouldn’t trade it either. As painful as the change had been, when all was said and done it was a change for the better. A change that had ultimately given him everything he’d ever wanted.

Josh sat a little straighter, his shoulders a little more square. “No, I wouldn’t go back to a world like that.”

Stanley was happy to hear the new confidence in Josh’s voice. “Good. That’s what I wanted to hear,” he told Josh. “Now, I just want to ask you one more thing about Amy’s death.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“How did you feel about it?”

“How did I feel about it?” Josh repeated. “In what way?”

“It’s not meant to be a trick question,” Stanley told him. “I just mean in general.”

“I felt...I guess I felt badly,” Josh said.

As Stanley had often noticed, quite often if you didn’t say anything, Josh would keep talking to fill the silence. What he said at those times was surprisingly revealing.

“...and maybe a little guilty.”

“You’ll have to explain that one to me,” Stanley said. “I can see why you might blame yourself for what happened to Donna, but I don’t see how you can feel guilty for what happened to Amy. That was pretty much her own doing and the people she was involved with.”

“Well, I don’t feel guilty about her actually dying,” Josh clarified.

Stanley cocked his head in surprise. “Then why do you feel guilty?”

Josh didn’t answer right away, instead staring down at his hands for a long moment before lifting his head to look at Stanley.

“I feel guilty because I didn’t really care. Intellectually, part of me felt badly because another human being had died, but there was no emotional reaction. It wasn’t like ‘oh, my God, this woman I had been involved with was murdered and I’m devastated.’” Josh was quiet for a moment. “My focus was all on Donna. She was all I cared about.” He gave a sad little chuckle. “I didn’t even go to Amy’s funeral. I guess that doesn’t say much for my relationship with her.”

“Or it says a lot about your relationship with Donna,” Stanley pointed out.

Josh considered that and eventually he managed a smile. “Yeah, I see your point there.”

Stanley looked through his notes again. “Okay, let’s press on. Why don’t we talk about what happened while you and Donna were in hiding.”

“All right...well. I’m not sure where to start...” Josh began. “After I met up with Donna in Pennsylvania and she told me she was going on the run, I told her I wanted to go with her we got on the road. Donna didn’t want me along though. In fact she fought me pretty hard on it...” His voice trailed off as he remembered. “She thought I’d be better off in D.C.”

“Sounds like Donna,” Stanley commented. 

Josh nodded. “Yeah, anyway, I talked her into letting me come along or maybe forced her into it is more accurate,” he said. “We thought we were safe....well, ‘I’ thought we were safe. Donna was worried all along.” Josh rubbed at his chin. “I guess I should have listened to her.”

“What happened?” Stanley asked.

“We were in...Ohio I think...no wait, it was Indiana, in this really terrible motel that looked like Sitting Bull had thrown up all over it when Stone caught up with us.”

“Go on,” Stanley urged.

“He broke in during the night. It would have been all over before we even knew what hit us if I hadn’t gotten up to go to the bathroom.” Josh stared at his hands for a minute. “When I saw him standing over her...I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared...well, except maybe for Rosslyn or until that day at the courthouse.”

Stanley nodded but remained quiet as Josh continued.

“He had a gun on Donna, but he didn’t realize I wasn’t in bed with her. I jumped him and he and I struggled. When Donna got into the fight, he broke her nose.” Josh smiled proudly. “She showed him though, she clocked him with a lamp and knocked him out cold. We took his gun, grabbed our stuff and got out of there.”

“Where did you go after that?”

“Well, first we had to call Mike to try and find out how Stone could have found us and he told us that he might have tracked us by using the LoJack in our car. We made a quick stop and thought we’d removed it.”

“But you hadn’t?”

“No, Stone used a second LoJack unit that we didn’t know about to catch up with us in Chicago. We’d stopped at a hotel at the edge of Chicago for a couple of days while we waited for Donna to get stronger. Since we didn’t see any sign of Stone, we thought we were in the clear.”

“So what happened?”

Josh didn’t especially want to rehash that day, but he knew that he didn’t have much choice. “Donna and I were eating at the hotel’s diner...when we...I went outside to get a paper and Stone and one of his goons ambushed me. If it hadn’t been for Donna’s quick thinking, Stone would have had us cold. She saw what was happening and she snuck out the back, got the car and came around and pulled me out of there.”

Stanley had caught just the hint of hesitation in Josh’s account and thought it might merit some exploration. “Josh, what happened in the diner?”

“What do you mean? Nothing happened. Donna and I got something to eat. All the action was outside in the parking lot.”

“Why did you go outside to get a paper?”

“Because I wanted something to read.”

“Josh...” Stanley said, clearly not believing him.

“What?! I like to stay informed on current events, Stanley.”

“When you were telling me about the diner...” Stanley began. “I got the impression that something might have happened between you and Donna inside.”

Josh really, REALLY didn’t want to talk about this part. He scrubbed a hand over his face and let out a long breath. “We had a disagreement.”

“A disagreement or a fight?”

Josh had the urge to pace again. “Okay, fine, we had a fight. Are you happy now?”

Stanley ignored his anger. “A fight about what?”

“In the months before Amy’s death, Donna had gotten more and more dissatisfied with what she saw as ONLY being my assistant. She’d been trying at different times to talk to me about wanting to do more, but I’d always managed to get out of actually talking to her about it. That morning in the diner she brought it up again.”

“I’m guessing that didn’t go so well,” Stanley said.

“I still didn’t want to talk about it and she did and I ended up walking out to cool off and get a paper. That’s when Stone showed up.” He paused. “I was so wound up that I didn’t even see him until it was too late.”

“Why didn’t you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know, Stanley...we were in the middle of this mess and I’d basically quit my job to be with her and I couldn’t believe she was bringing it up.” Josh spread his hands a little helplessly. “I thought talking about it meant she was going to tell me she was going to leave. I was doing everything I could to hold onto her and so that wasn’t something I wanted to face. I figured if I could stall her long enough then she’d forget about the idea.” He sighed. “Obviously that didn’t work so well.”

“Yeah,” Stanley agreed. “Did you ever actually get to talk about it?”

Josh nodded. “Yes, when we were in Arizona. Oddly enough, I was the one who brought it up that time.”

“Why, Josh, that’s terrific.”

Josh ran a hand through his hair. “Well, honestly, by then we were together and she was pregnant, so I was pretty sure she wasn’t going to leave me.”

“I see what you mean, but still I know what an enormous step that was for you.”

Josh shrugged. “I just wanted her to be happy and I was worried that she’d feel like I’d taken her from being my assistant to being my wife and a mother with no stops in between. I wanted her to know that she could do anything she wanted as long as I was part of the picture.”

“Good,” Stanley told him. “Okay, so getting back to what happened in Chicago. Donna went out the back and got the car...” Stanley prompted.

“Yeah, she drove around to the front and basically plowed into the bad guys with the car while I jumped out of the way.”

Stanley nodded. “So how did you get shot?”

“After Donna hit them with the car, Stone’s crony didn’t get up but even with a broken leg, Stone wasn’t willing to let us get away so easily,” Josh told him. “He started firing at me and kept it up as I ran to our car. I didn’t even know I was shot until Donna had driven away from the hotel.” He swallowed. “The adrenaline must have started wearing off because all of a sudden my arm started hurting. I pulled my hand away and it was covered in blood.”

“Was it like Rosslyn where you don’t remember much?”

“Yes and no. I mean, I remember what happened at the diner and pretty much up until we got to the airport, but from there it gets fuzzy,” Josh said. “Even the parts that I remember are a little blurry. Everything happened so fast.” He was quiet for a moment. “I guess I was kind of in shock. I was really more worried about Donna and us getting away.”

“What’s the next thing you remember clearly?” Stanley asked.

Josh thought about that. “Waking up in the hotel in downtown Chicago....sorry, saying ‘hotel’ is being a bit generous. It was more like a motel, a pretty run down one as I recall,” Josh commented. “Donna was looking for some place no one would think to look for us and she found it. From what she told me, she had us switch cabs a bunch of times to throw off anyone following us until we got to the motel. Then she stitched up my arm and took care of me until I was stronger.”

“Wait, wait,” Stanley interrupted. “She stitched up your arm?”

“Yeah, although she was able to hide it enough from the cab drivers, my arm was apparently bleeding pretty freely, so Mike told her to stitch it up.”

“Why didn’t you just go to the ER or an urgent care clinic and have it done?”

“Because they’re required by law to report gunshot wounds to the police and we didn’t want a lot of questions that could have led to someone being able to find us.”

Stanley nodded. “Okay, but how did Donna know what to do with your arm?”

“Mike talked her through it. He was a field medic during his time in the Marines before he joined the FBI.”

“That must have been terrible for Donna,” Stanley said.

A little taken aback, Josh stared at him for a minute. “You know, I never really thought about it, but...yeah, it must have been bad. If I’d been in her position, I don’t think I could have done it,” Josh said.

“How did Donna seem after you woke up?”

“She seemed...different. Almost like she was a whole new person. I mean I knew it was her but she was...different,” he repeated for the lack of a better word. 

“Different, how?”

“There were the obvious things like the fact that she’d cut and colored her hair, but really it was the subtle things that almost stood out more to me.”

“Such as?”

“Her eyes looked almost...haunted. Sometimes she’d be withdrawn and then others she’d be snappish and quick tempered, which is very unlike her,” Josh explained. “That’s also when a lot of the problems began to show up.”

Stanley frowned slightly. “What kind of problems?”

“Well, she already had the bathtub thing...”

“What bathtub thing?”

“Oh, after the attack at the lake happened she developed a fear of taking a bath. Apparently, she’d been taking one or just finished taking one when Stone and his men broke in at the lake. I think she saw taking a bath as being vulnerable.”

“Makes sense,” Stanley agreed. 

“We sort of worked on it while we were in Arizona and before we left she’d been able to start taking them again.”

“That’s a good sign. Okay, so go on, what other problems did you see after the shooting?”

“She’d developed a really severe thing about listening to the radio which I never really understood.” At Stanley’s confused look, Josh explained. “She wouldn’t listen to the radio or let me listen to the radio at all. She didn’t mind the TV being on, in fact she kind of preferred it being on, especially at night with the sound just turned down. But for some reason having the radio on, especially in the car really bothers her. She said it’s because she couldn’t hear if someone was coming after us.”

Stanley made some notes on that to bring up with Donna as Josh continued.

Josh let out a breath. “Let’s see, she wasn’t eating, oh, and she also started having trouble sleeping. For the next couple weeks, she would only fall asleep when her body couldn’t take staying awake any longer. Usually she’d just crash wherever she was. In a chair, sitting on the bed, sitting on the floor...driving the car.” 

He added the last one almost to himself but Stanley caught it anyway.

“While driving...the car?” 

“Yeah, when we were driving from Oklahoma to New Mexico, she fell asleep at the wheel. After I got shot, she did the majority of the driving. I knew I should have spoken up sooner but I was still getting over being shot and she was pretty much ordering me around at that point,” he explained. “When it happened I was actually taking a nap in the passenger seat. Luckily we were in a very open area with a low shoulder and I woke up in time that we didn’t hit anything or anyone. I made her trade seats with me and I drove us on into Tucumcari, New Mexico.” Josh was quiet for a moment. “Weird thing though, she fought me pretty hard on driving the car. She really didn’t want to give it up.”

“Actually it’s not weird at all,” Stanley said. “She was trying to stay in control. Of you. Of her body’s need to eat and sleep. Of the car and it taking you where she wanted it to go. Having to relinquish some of that control and admit that she wasn’t handling things as well as she wanted must have been hard, if not terrifying for her. I’m surprised she actually gave in and let you drive.”

Josh smiled a bit grimly. “I didn’t give her much choice.” He remembered that day when he’d all but forced her out of the driver seat. “But she still did everything to try and stop me,” he said as he absently rubbed his cheek.

“What did she do?” Stanley asked sensing there was more.

In a rush, he dropped his hand. “What? Nothing. We just had an argument.”

“Yeah, I don’t believe you.”

Josh scrubbed his hands over his face. The problem with Stanley was that he was entirely too perceptive. “She slapped me, okay. Donna’s never slapped me in her life. But that day she slapped me and said...and said...”

“Go ahead, Josh,” Stanley said quietly. “You can say it.”

“...she said she hated me.”

Stanley nodded. “I thought it might be something like that.”

A sliver of a buried concern rose to the surface in Josh’s mind. “Do you think she meant it?”

“Well, you’d have to ask her...”

“I did a little later on and she said she didn’t. You don’t think she’d lie to me, do you? Not about that I mean.”

“No, I don’t think she would. I think she was tired and lashing out at you because even though you were concerned for her, you were challenging her control,” Stanley hypothesized. “After all she’d been through to keep you two alive and out of danger, that must have been a real blow to her.”

“Yeah,” Josh agreed. “At that point, I realized I’d been letting her shoulder the burden for too long and knew it was time to do something.” He let out a breath. “I was even more sure of that once we got to the hotel in Tucumcari.”

“Why, what happened at the hotel?”

“Things got even weirder and scarier with her.”

“How so?”

“First, she was meek, docile and then she was mad, telling me I didn’t know what I was talking about when I said she was exhausted and close to the edge. Then in the middle of her yelling at me she passed out...TWICE.”

“Well, the stress combined with her upset, not sleeping and not eating would easily have caused that,” Stanley said.

“Luckily, it also helped to illustrate my point about just how exhausted she was and I was able to get her to lay down.”

“Did she sleep?”

“Oh, yeah. I got her to take one of the sleeping pills Mrs. Bartlet sent us and she slept for almost 16 hours,” Josh told him. “When she woke up the first thing she wanted us to do was get on the road, but I put my foot down and told her it was time to stop just running and put together a plan for what we were going to do.”

Stanley was impressed with Josh’s actions. “Sounds like you handled it well.”

Josh shrugged. “At the time I was just trying to save her like she’d saved me.” He stared down at his hands for a moment. “Once I took the lead and started paying attention, I began to realize why she hadn’t been sleeping.”

“Why?”

“She’d been trying to keep watch in case Stone or someone else caught up with us to the point of being obsessive and...” Josh let out a breath. “...she was having nightmares.”

“Nightmares?” 

“Yes, she had them on and off for about six months after the thing in Chicago,” Josh told him. “I don’t think she’s had one for a while though.”

“As I’m sure you understand from your own experience, having nightmares after all she’d been through is not uncommon, in fact it could be healthy as long as they aren’t debilitating or don’t get better after a period of time or with therapy,” Stanley replied after he made some more notes. “Did she ever talk about the nightmares...tell you what they were about?”

“No, she always said she didn’t want to talk about them or that she simply didn’t remember them. Usually, she’d just cry out in the night or start sobbing in her sleep.” He paused. “It seemed to help when I’d sleep...just sleep,” Josh clarified quickly. “...in bed with her and hold her. The nightmares seemed the worst when things between us were bad or unsettled between us.”

“That’s because she associates you with safety and security,” Stanley put in. 

The idea that Donna looked to him for those things, warmed something deep inside him. “You really think so?”

“I do,” Stanley said. “So, Josh, what about you?”

He frowned. “What about me?”

“Have you been having nightmares?”

Josh hadn’t expected the question. “Um...I...that is...” He considered trying to deny it, but knew Stanley would see right through him. “Yeah, usually it’s about losing Donna and or MJ,” he admitted. “Actually it’s kind of funny...funny strange that is.”

“What is?”

“As Donna’s pregnancy got farther along, her nightmares got better while mine started up. At first they were just once in a while but they’ve gotten more frequent in the last couple months.”

“Why do you think that is?” Stanley asked.

Josh was a little surprised by the question. “Well, I guess...maybe...for Donna it was because she felt safer.”

Stanley nodded. “I would imagine so. Plus it’s not uncommon for pregnant women to sometimes feel more settled...more content when they’re in the latter stages of their pregnancies,” he explained. 

“As for me...” Josh began. “I think a lot of it was caused by my worry over keeping Donna and the baby safe.”

“You’ve been pretty concerned about that, haven’t you?”

“Yes. The closer the time got for us to come back to DC so she could testify, the more worried I got,” Josh admitted. 

“That’s only natural,” Stanley said. 

“Stanley...can I ask you something?”

Stanley gave him a little smile. “That’s what I’m here for.”

“Is it normal to be worried about...” Josh let out a breath. “...about being a good father?”

Stanley’s smile got a little broader. “It’s absolutely natural. Very healthy in fact. It’s a big event in your life. I’d be concerned if you weren’t worried.”

That gave Josh a modicum of comfort. “Okay, thanks.”

“So...what happened after your stay in New Mexico?” Stanley asked next.

He leaned forward and being careful of his wound, he rested his arms on his thighs. “Well, for a while things started to get better, we drove into Arizona and found a place to settle down in for a while.”

Stanley looked through some paperwork. “I have something here that says, she ran away from you at one point.”

That part of their story still hurt Josh a little. “Yeah, that was all my fault.”

“Why? What happened?” Stanley asked.

“We really were getting along pretty well and except for some nightmares she was sleeping again and eating and that haunted look had mostly faded from her eyes,” Josh began. “It all started with the attack on the CODEL in Gaza.”

“Oh, I remember,” Stanley said. “All the people in the car were killed, including the members of Congress and Admiral Fitzwallace.”

“Right. There was a White House press staffer that was killed too,” Josh said quietly. “I got pretty wrapped up in what was going on with the story. I knew that it would have been big news, not to mention headaches for the White House and I guess being away from DC made me feel a little powerless.”

“I imagine it made you feel a LOT powerless,” Stanley observed.

“Yeah. When stuff like that happens, my first instinct is to dig in but I couldn’t.” Josh let out a little breath. “It got worse after Leo had his heart attack. I wanted to be there for him but all I could do was watch the story on TV. I wasn’t sleeping that much because I was always glued to the news and I got short tempered and snappy with her. I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn’t see how it was affecting her.”

“What was your first clue something was wrong?”

Josh snorted. “When I woke up and found the note she’d left me.” He leaned back against the couch. “She thought I wanted to be back in DC rather than with her, which wasn’t true. I mean, yes, I wanted to be back here but not without her and I knew it wasn’t safe for her...for either of us. She figured I was just staying out of some sense of duty to her, so in her mind if she left I’d go back to DC.”

“How did you find her?”

“She was on foot and it was raining that night. Not only did it slow her down, but with no moon and the bad weather she had to stick to the main road. I was in the car and found her fairly quickly and made her come back to the house so we could talk.”

“How did that go?”

For the first time in a while, Josh gave him a genuine smile. “As it turns out, it went very well. Her leaving forced us to both face and talk about what we felt for each other. After that, she promised me she’d never leave me again. That night was the first time we were together,” Josh told him. “And aside from a few bumps in the road, things between us only got better and better.” His smile got a little bigger. “I asked her to marry me the next day.”

Stanley was glad to see Josh smile. “Leo told me you guys got married. Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” Josh said. “A couple weeks after I asked her to marry me, we found out she was pregnant.” He looked at Stanley. “I just didn’t want you to think that’s why I married her.”

“I didn’t think that,” Stanley replied.

“I mean, I would have married her no matter what, because I just wanted to marry her.”

“Josh, you don’t have to convince me,” Stanley said. “Okay, now let’s talk about what happened at the courthouse.”

He let out a sigh. Josh had hoped that Stanley wouldn’t make him talk about this. “What about it?”

“What do you remember about it?”

“Everything. I remember everything, Stanley. In fact, I wish I could forget,” Josh said. “Donna was tired and sore and neither of us had slept well the night before so we were both cranky. Despite that, she was amazing on the stand when she was testifying and when we left the waiting area to go back to the car we were feeling pretty good. We were both relieved that Donna testifying was behind us and we could concentrate on her having the baby and getting on with our lives.”

“Go on.”

“We’d just stepped outside and were walking to the car when we heard the shots. I’m sure I would have been terrified if I hadn’t been so busy trying to protect Donna. I pushed her down and Mike tried to cover us. When Mike got shot, Ron took over and ordered us back inside the courthouse and his men to find the gunman.” He swallowed. “I only found out Donna and I were both shot when we got inside.”

“How do you feel about getting shot again?” Stanley asked him.

Josh let out a breath. “With all that’s been going on, I haven’t had a lot of time to think about it, but honestly, Stanley, it’s a lot like when I got shot in the arm in Chicago, it’s been more of an annoyance than anything else.”

“How so?”

“Both times it’s been a matter of slowing me down, making things that much harder. With my arm it was hard to carry things with only one hand and with my leg it makes it hard to get around and slows me down. It’s been a nuisance, both then and now, to have to change the dressings all the time or have Donna change them all the time. And then there’s the fact that both injuries have made me feel like I’m a hindrance to Donna and MJ rather than a help like I should be.”

“But that’s not your fault, Josh, and I’m sure Donna and the baby would never think you as a hindrance.”

“I know,” Josh said with a sigh. “I just want to be strong for them and being injured makes me feel weak.” He gave Stanley a grim smile. “I’m not good with being weak.”

“Well, Josh, having known you for as long as I have, I have to say, that you’re getting better at it.”

“Is that a compliment or a criticism?” Josh asked, genuinely baffled.

“It’s an observation...Actually it’s more of a commendation,” Stanley replied. “Josh, we all need to recognize our limitations and we have to learn how to lean on those around us when we need to. Showing you need someone is letting yourself be vulnerable, that’s an important component in relationships. People like to be needed.”

“Yeah, I know you’re right, it’s just something that I have to keep working on.”

Stanley took Josh’s logical and fairly open description about his injuries as a good sign and pressed on. “Why don’t you tell me what’s been going on with Donna since the shooting at the courthouse.”

“Well, um...she was...” His voice tripped. “...shot in the back of the shoulder and she...ah...went into labor about two weeks early,” Josh said with a voice rough with emotion. “They took her by helicopter to the hospital and delivered MJ by emergency C-section and then repaired Donna’s shoulder. When Donna woke up in the ICU, she was really afraid that she’d lost MJ or that MJ’s condition was critical and I was just afraid to tell her. It took a little bit of convincing but finally I got through to her. Of course the next thing she asked was to see MJ for herself.”

“How did that go?”

“Well, see that was a bit of a problem, she couldn’t see MJ right away,” Josh explained. “They wouldn’t let MJ out of the NICU and they wouldn’t let Donna out of the ICU.”

Stanley nodded as he made some notes. “So when was the first time Donna got to see MJ?”

“The next day, just as soon as they moved MJ into the regular nursery. Even though Donna was still in the ICU, I talked the doctors into letting me bring MJ down there so Donna could see her.”

“How did Donna react to seeing her the first time?”

Josh smiled a little. “She was so happy...thrilled even, to see MJ and hold her. It was amazing to see her holding MJ.”

“How long did that visit last?”

Josh tried to remember. “Um, about 10 minutes I think. The doctors didn’t want MJ to be out of the nursery very long and Donna was still getting tired easily.”

Stanley made more notes. “How many other times has Donna seen the baby?”

Josh frowned, not really seeing where his questions were going. “Just one other time.”

“Tell me about that visit?”

“Well, that’s the one where things came to a head. Everything seemed to be going fine. Donna was stronger and more alert, we were talking, we took a nap together, and when I got up, I went up to get MJ so Donna could see her.”

“Sounds good enough,” Stanley put in. “So what happened?”

“When I got back I found Ron Butterfield in Donna’s room and they were talking. It was like she’d turned some corner. She almost seemed to be spoiling for a fight.”

“Do you think Ron said something to upset her?”

“Yeah, I mean, probably not on purpose but...” An odd look came over Josh’s face. “Wait...”

“What?”

“Wait a minute,” Josh said almost to himself. “No...”

Stanley remained quiet as Josh apparently was working something out in his head. He almost saw the light go on as Josh looked up at him.

“It wasn’t Ron’s fault. He may have contributed to it, but she was already upset before I went to get MJ.”

“Why?”

“I told her about my leg,” Josh replied. “See, we really were doing fine. Donna was doing better and looking forward to seeing MJ again. I started to get up to go get her and I realized that I hadn’t told Donna about my leg.”

“She hadn’t noticed on her own?”

“No, I’d tried to come and go when she was asleep and I’d purposefully hidden the fact that I’d gotten shot from her.”

“Why did you hide it from her?”

“I didn’t want her to worry. I wanted her to focus on getting better, not worrying about me,” Josh explained. “She got pretty upset when I finally told her. Not so much because it took me so long to tell her, but because she blamed herself for me getting shot.” Josh continued to remember. “She said that she never should have testified. If she hadn’t I wouldn’t have gotten shot and MJ wouldn’t have been born early.”

Stanley made a lot of notes about that. It seemed to him that Josh and Donna’s biggest problem was their ability to each take an almost crippling amount of blame and guilt onto each of their shoulders. It would definitely be a large part of what he’d talk to Donna about tomorrow.

“Okay, so Donna was already cooking before you left to get MJ. What happened after you brought MJ down and found Ron was there?” Stanley asked him next.

“Since he seemed to be upsetting Donna, I tactfully got him to leave as quickly as possible. I was hoping that seeing MJ would lift her spirits.”

“Did it?”

“In the beginning it did, she seemed really happy and when I laid MJ in her arm, I could almost feel the tension in her going down,” Josh told him. “I was going to feed MJ while Donna was holding her, but then she got a little fussy and Donna couldn’t get her to stop crying so I picked her up and quieted her down and then I fed her.”

“You fed her?” Stanley asked. 

“Yeah, with only one hand, Donna couldn’t do it herself anyway so I did it.”

“What was Donna doing while you fed her?”

Josh frowned slightly. “Watching me I guess. I was a little focused on MJ.”

“Ah, I see,” Stanley said with a nod as he made more notes, he was beginning to see the potential problem.

“And then the next thing I know, Donna’s telling me I should take MJ back to the nursery and I should go home and get some rest. She all but verbally shoved me out of the room.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “The next thing I know she’s gone back on her medication so she sleeps all the time and she doesn’t want to see MJ and she’s barely speaking to me.”

Stanley looked at him for a moment. “Josh, how much alone time has Donna had with the baby?”

Josh’s frown got deeper. “Alone time? Ah...none. She can’t really take care of MJ by herself so I’ve always been there with her.”

“And how much alone time have you had with MJ?”

“Oh, well, a lot. Pretty much any time I wasn’t with Donna I’ve been up with MJ,” he smiled. “In fact, they’ve had to kick me out of the NICU and the nursery a couple times because I’ve been making a pest out of myself.”

Stanley admired how much attention Josh had been giving MJ, but under the circumstances he could see how it might create a problem for Donna. 

Josh took a shot at reading Stanley’s expression. “Is that it? Have I been spending too much time with MJ?”

“No, Josh. It’s good that you’ve been spending time with her,” Stanley said. “I won’t know until I talk to Donna, but I have a feeling it’s more a case of Donna not spending enough time with MJ.”

“God, Stanley, it feels like everything I do is wrong.”

“Josh, so far I don’t see anything that you’ve done wrong. In fact I think you’ve done pretty much everything right. It’s the situation and the events of the last 10 months that making the situation so complicated.”

Josh considered that. “I just hate seeing her in pain Stanley.”

Stanley nodded. “Of course, you do. It’s one of the reasons you would have called me here if Leo hadn’t. It’s the same reason that Donna went to Leo that Christmas after Rosslyn.”

“Yeah...” Josh said before falling silent for a few minutes.

“Okay, Josh, I can all but hear the wheels turning. What’s going on?”

Josh sighed. “I know what you said about not wanting to undo the past 10 months, but I just can’t help but think that everything I’ve done has been useless.”

“How so?”

“I tried to protect her Stanley, I swear I did, but it just feels like I only delayed the inevitable for 10 months. I did everything I could and she still got shot. I’ve let her down,” Josh said quietly. “All I ever wanted was for her to be safe and happy and to be part of her life. But I can’t protect her from this. I can’t save her from how she feels...or from what’s in her own head.”

“No, Josh, you can’t save her from what she feels, but you being there for her and MJ and having me here to help her work things out is no small thing.”

Josh scrubbed a hand over his face. “I just wish it could be more.”

Stanley watched him for a moment. He was debating whether or not he should give Josh a piece of information that Ron Butterfield had given him. Originally he hadn’t planned to tell him, but now he thought it might help.

“Josh, you saved her life,” he began. “You stopped Stone at the hotel in Indiana. You’ve watched over her and taken care of her during the last 10 months.” He paused and looked at Josh squarely. “And because of you she didn’t die at the courthouse.”

He shook his head. “It was more luck than anything else. Ron told me she was probably shot before I pushed her down. I’m just thankful that Stone was a bad shot.”

“Josh, Stone was not a bad shot,” Stanley contradicted. “In fact, everything I’ve got on him tells me that he was an especially well trained sniper.”

“Then how else do you explain the fact that he only shot her in the shoulder?”

Again, Stanley leveled an intense and oddly unsettling stare at Josh. “It was part luck and part you.”

“What do mean?”

“Josh, Ron told me that he reviewed tapes taken of the shooting and made some interesting discoveries.”

“So?” he shot back feeling a little fear at the idea that Stanley might make him watch the tapes. Josh knew for sure that watching them would break him.

“Do you remember right before the shooting started that Donna stood up suddenly?”

Not knowing what Stanley was getting at, Josh tried to remember anyway. “No, I don’t remember that.”

“Well, she did. As you came out of the building she was leaning forward, probably due to her pregnancy and her level of tiredness.”

“Yeah, and...?”

“In the split second before she was shot, Donna stood up suddenly,” Stanley said. “It’s what saved her life.”

Josh frowned. “I still don’t follow.”

“As part of their reconstruction of the event and the analysis of the scene, Ron’s team ran the trajectories of all the bullets that Stone and the agents fired. Stone wasn’t aiming for Donna’s shoulder.”

Josh’s chest felt tight from the breath he was holding. “He wasn’t?”

“No, Josh, he was aiming for her head,” Stanley said quietly. “If she hadn’t stood up at that moment, that’s where his shot would have hit her. Most likely she would have been dead before she hit the ground.”

Now Josh thought he’d be sick. He’d come so close to losing her. So very close. 

“But...” he managed in a shaky voice. “Why...why tell me this?” He swallowed hard. “It only proves my lucky theory.”

“Well, yes it does to a degree, but it was no accident that she stood up.”

Josh wasn’t sure he could take any more revelations. “It wasn’t?”

“No. Ron asked her about it. In fact, I imagine it was the same day that you walked in and found him in her room,” Stanley guessed. “Josh, she said she stood up because at the exact moment, the baby kicked her really hard.”

Josh was speechless at Stanley’s revelation. 

“Do you understand, Josh, MJ saved her life?” Stanley said gently. “MJ is part of you and while there is still an element of luck to it, if Donna hadn’t been pregnant, there would have likely been no reason for her to move at the right moment.”

Josh dropped his face into hands, but said nothing.

“So next time you think that you did nothing in the last 10 months to save her, I want you to remember that in loving her, you saved her.”

Not trusting himself to speak, Josh ground the heels of his hands into his eyes to stave off the tears that had threatened. It was a weird sensation to feel so overwhelmed and relieved at the same time. Leaning back against the couch he, let out a very long and cleansing breath.

Giving Josh a few minutes to process what they’d just talked about, Stanley made a few more notes for his discussion with Donna. Putting his pen down he studied Josh for a minute.

“You okay, Josh?”

Josh let out another breath. “Yeah, it’s just a lot.”

“I know it is, but I thought you should know.”

“I’m glad you told me,” he said honestly.

Stanley nodded and closed the cover on his folder. “Josh, I need you to do something for me tomorrow. Something that you’re not going to want to do.”

“Um...oh-kay,” Josh said cautiously. “What is it?”

“I need you to not see Donna until I say it’s okay.”

Josh’s immediate response was to argue. “What? No. I can’t. Why would you want me to do that?”

“Because I need to talk to her Josh, I need to see what’s going on in her head. That will be easier if you’re not a factor. If I’m reading the situation right, Donna’s going to use anything and everything to hide behind. Right now she’s using the medication and the sleep it provides. When’s it’s gone, she’s going to use you.” 

“No. I mean, I know she’s got issues, but she wouldn’t do that,” Josh insisted.

“She already is, Josh. You and the FBI and the Secret Service are all keeping her isolated,” he said as Josh started to argue again. “Wait, just hear me out. “They’re discharging MJ tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah...” Josh said warily.

“Good, then tomorrow I want you to go to the hospital and take care of MJ, bring her back here and focus on her,” Stanley instructed. “I’ll call you when you and MJ can come to see Donna.”

“But Stanley, I can’t keep her own daughter away from her,” Josh said. “It’s not right.”

“Josh is it right for her to keep having the problems she’s having now?” Stanley asked. “Because I think that’s what’s going to happen if things aren’t handled properly.”

Josh stared at him. “You really think things are that bad?”

Stanley sighed. “I don’t think I’d call it bad. I just think that Donna’s been through a lot and she needs to face some things,” Stanley said. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to come and see her tomorrow night.”

Josh still didn’t want to do it, but he trusted Stanley and knew that he only had Donna’s best interest at heart. He knew for sure that what he’d been doing hadn’t seemed to help her.

“Okay,” he finally relented. “Just so you know, Stanley, since the shooting, she seems to get upset easily. Not just mad, but emotional in general.” 

Stanley nodded. “That’s not uncommon during the post-partum phase of pregnancy. Right now she’s got enough hormones running through her to power a small mid-western town. That’s compounded by the trauma she’s been through and she’s been through a lot.”

“Oh, I know she has believe me,” Josh told him. “I just wanted you to know that before you talk to her.”

“I appreciate the heads up.”

Despite the fact that Josh still knew he had a lot to think about, he felt better...and yet there was one more question that he wanted to ask Stanley. It was also one of the questions that scared him the most. 

“Stanley...last night...did I have another attack...” Josh asked. “An attack like I did at Christmas?”

Stanley laid the folder on the coffee table. “No, Josh, in my opinion you didn’t. I think you really were just tired and frustrated.”

“Then why did you want to go into so many of my issues? I mean I know we’re here for Donna too, but I didn’t expect you to go so far into what’s going on with me.”

“Because if we didn’t have this talk things could have eventually built up to a full blown episode.”

Josh frowned. “I don’t follow.”

“You’re going to have to remember that once in a while you’re going to have to mentally offload some things,” Stanley said. “You tend to hold things in. Hold them in so much that you don’t even let yourself think about them so they build up.”

“Oh-kay,” Josh said, somewhat understanding what Stanley was saying but hoping there’d be a little more explanation.

“Think of it like a pile of boxes you have to clear away once in a while. If you don’t clear them away, the pile builds until it’s over your head. When it gets that high, the pile falls over on you and you have an episode.”

“And that’s not what happened this time?” Josh asked.

“No, this time the pile was more like waist high. And by talking we’ve cleared it away,” Stanley told him. “Actually I think if you’d been able talk to someone sooner after Rosslyn, you wouldn’t have had an episode then either.”

Josh frowned. “Okay,” he said. “I understand that, but Stanley, I’ve been tired and frustrated before and I’ve never had a fit like I did last night.

“I’m glad to hear that.” Stanley replied. “This time I think the situation was compounded by everything you and Donna have been through in the last 10 months.” 

“How do you mean?”

“Josh, two women, who at one time another have played an important role in your life, were attacked that night 10 months ago. One was killed. The other was clearly traumatized and could have been killed. She goes on the run and is almost killed again. You go on the run with her. She gets her face nearly smashed in. You get shot. You take care of each other. You hear that your mentor has suffered a massive heart attack but you can’t do anything about it, not even visit him in the hospital. She tries to run away from you. You become romantically involved with her, something you’ve avoided for seven years, although honestly, I have no earthy idea how, when it’s been obvious to me and anyone who knows you that you were in love with each other. She gets pregnant. You get married. She has to put herself into harm’s way so she can testify against the bad guys. She gets shot. You get shot. Mike Casper, one of your friends, gets shot. She goes into labor and you become a father.” 

“Well, when you put it like that,” Josh tried to joke. 

“All I’m trying to say is that I think all of those events would make anyone’s tolerance pretty low. And now that Donna’s barely speaking to you and won’t see the baby, I’m a little surprised, but pleasantly so, that a hedge was your only casualty.”

“So I’m fine?”

Stanley smiled. “Well, as fine as you ever are,” he teased. “Seriously, I think once we address Donna’s issues and things settle down for you two, you’ll be back to normal. If not, well, you’ve got my number.” 

Josh chuckled softly and leaned back tiredly. “I hate to tell you this, Stanley, but after this I think we’re going to put you on speed dial.”


	44. Chances

Chapter 44

The next morning, Donna woke slowly. Fighting wakefulness any way she could, she refused to open her eyes. Instead, she chose to stare into the blackness reflected on the back of her eye lids.

She remembered that they’d cut off her medication the night before and as she lay there, she could tell from the lack of dragging numbness she’d come to know intimately that the majority of it had worked its way out of her system.

Doing a mental assessment of her physical condition, she was a little surprised to find that she didn’t feel too bad. Of course, she wasn’t moving at the moment but a couple days ago even when she was lying still there had been a lingering ache and soreness in her body.

Still trying not to fully wake up, Donna laid there and listened to the sounds of her room. 

For the most part it was quiet. As far as she could tell, at least with her eyes closed, the TV was off. She did however hear someone, she assumed it was Josh, breathing off to her left in a rhythm that was regular and steady. Every once in a while she would also hear what sounded like paper rustling or maybe a page being turned.

Now that she was awake again and was likely to be that way for at least a few hours, she dreaded having to talk to Josh. All he’d done was pepper her with questions to try and figure out what was wrong. While that was to his credit, Donna didn’t know how to deal with it right now.

When she felt like she couldn’t put it off any longer, Donna let her eyes flutter open. Not knowing what she was going to say to him, she gave an inward sigh and turned her head to look at him.

And blinked in surprise to see Stanley Keyworth sitting in a chair by her bed reading a book.

“Stanley?” she asked in a voice rough from sleep and disuse.

Casually, he glanced up from his book. “Hey, Donna.”

“What are you doing here?” she asked as a disturbing thought crossed her mind. “I...is Josh okay?

“Yeah, he’s fine.”

She frowned. “Then why are...” Her eyes narrowed as the light bulb came on. “He called you about me, didn’t he?”

“Well...”

She cut him off. “I can’t believe he called you.”

“Technically he didn’t,” Stanley clarified. “He’d was going to, but Leo beat him to it.”

“Great, now I’ve got them ganging up on me,” she muttered.

Stanley closed his book. “You don’t really think that, do you?”

“Stanley, I’m afraid you came all this way for nothing,” Donna said rather than answering his question. “The two of them are just being overly cautious. I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?” he asked tucking the book down into the chair beside him.

“Of course, I’m sure. I’m fine,” she repeated.

Stanley shrugged. “Well, if you’re sure, I suppose I should be going then.”

Donna felt a wave of relief go through her. The last thing she wanted was to go 10 rounds with Stanley. 

“Oh, but before I do...” he said, pulling a file out from where it was tucked next to the book and opening it on his lap. “There are a couple of things I wanted to ask you about.”

Seeing that he was obviously not leaving, her relief vaporized in the heat of the sudden panic she felt. “Where’s Josh?” she demanded.

“He’s not coming,” Stanley told her calmly.

Her panic now became a living thing that clawed at her heart and her throat. “He’s not coming?” she repeated.

“No, he’s otherwise occupied.”

“But Stanley,” she argued. “I need to see Josh.”

He studied her for a moment. “Then why have you been hiding from him for the last two days?”

That had her speechless for a moment. “What...what do you mean?” she stammered. “I haven’t been hiding.”

“What would you call it?”

Defensive anger spilled out of her because he’d nailed it so completely. 

“In case you haven’t been keeping up on current events, Stanley, I’ve had a rough couple of days,” she said as her stomach gave a painful little lurch. “I’ve been shot which caused my lung to collapse, my entire shoulder joint to be replaced and parts of my arm to be pinned together like a jigsaw puzzle. On top of which I went into labor early and had to have an emergency C-section where they ripped the baby out of my body to save her life. After all of that, I’ve been in just a little bit of pain, so I’m sorry if my medication has made me more sleepy than talkative.”

Stanley made a mental note about her description of the C-section and the baby’s birth. It was clear she had an issue there. 

“And why won’t you see, MJ?”

“I did see her, I have seen her,” Donna protested. “But it doesn’t do much good to ‘see’ her when I’m sleeping all the time.”

“Oh-kay...” Stanley nodded. “So now that you’re off your medication and you won’t be sleeping so much, does that mean if I go get MJ right now I can bring her here to see you?”

Donna’s fear nearly choked her. “No...no, I don’t want to see her...not until I’m stronger,” she managed trying to give a reason. “I don’t want her to see me...like this.”

“See you like what?”

“You know...all bandaged up,” she tried.

“You think MJ is really going to care about that?”

She was really getting tired of him interrogating her. “Seriously, Stanley, where’s Josh?” she asked, falling back to her earlier argument. “He’s been here everyday. In fact he’s been here every time I woke up. I want to talk to him and I’m not going to talk to you until I can talk to him,” she said hating the petulance in her voice.

“Fine,” Stanley said, unconcerned as he closed the file.

“So I can see Josh?”

“Nope,” he said as he pulled out his book. “If you don’t want to talk to me, fine, I can sit here until you are ready. I even brought a book to read, but like I said, Josh is too busy to come and see you today.” 

Curiosity managed to temporarily displace her anger. “Why? What’s he doing?”

Stanley watched carefully for her reaction. “He’s picking MJ up today. She’s being discharged.”

“She is?” Donna said quietly.

“How do you feel about that?” he asked as he watched her stare off into space for a moment. Even more telling was the fact that her fisted hand was pressed to her stomach as if she was in pain.

“I...it’s great,” she said, hoping she sounded convincing. “Of course, it’s great. I’m glad that she’s doing so well.”

“But you’d rather have Josh here than picking up MJ.” He said it as a statement rather than a question.

Her own preoccupation with the news about MJ had her distracted enough that she answered without thinking.

“Yes...I mean no...”

“Well, which is it?” Stanley asked calmly.

“Stop trying to confuse me,” she snapped, angry that he’d tripped her up.

“That’s not what I’m trying to do at all,” Stanley told her. “I’m trying to understand what you’re saying.”

Donna let out a breath so she could think more clearly. “Yes, of course I’d like Josh here, I already said that,” she explained. “But no, he shouldn’t be here because since I’m obviously no help, he needs to take care of the baby.” She gave him a sarcastic little smile at the end for good measure.

The smile quickly faded as she saw him reopen the file, pull out a pen and scribble something down.

“What are you writing? That’s the truth,” she defended.

“I’m sure it is,” Stanley said as he finished writing his note concerning Donna’s comment about being no help with the baby.

“Then why are you writing? If I’m being honest you don’t need to write anything.”

Stanley cocked his head slightly. “Oh? Who made that rule?”

“I don’t know...” she said feeling backed into a corner. “Me, okay! I made that rule.”

“Well, if that’s going to be the rule for the day, I’m going to need to make some more notes because I’m pretty sure you’ve lied to me a couple times and I’ll need to write those down.”

Blinking in surprise, she frowned angrily. “What are you talking about?” she demanded. “I haven’t I lied to you.”

“What about when you said you were fine?”

“I AM fine!”

“No, Donna, from where I’m sitting you’re really not,” Stanley said.

“Then maybe you should go sit somewhere else,” she snapped.

“Actually I’m quite comfortable right here.”

“Well, I’m not!”

“You’re not supposed to be,” Stanley replied. “If you were, you wouldn’t need me.”

She hated the way his voice and tone had never once altered from their calm and easy manner during their entire exchange. “I keep telling you...I DON’T need you!”

Stanley knew they were just arguing and it wasn’t going anywhere so he decided to change tactics. “Donna...” he said gently. “Can you really say that after all you’ve been through in the last 10 months, you’re fine?”

“Yes, I...” she tried, but she felt her resistance breaking down.

“Can you lay there and tell me you’re not in pain? Pain that has nothing to do with your physical injuries? Pain that even the medication doesn’t really dull?”

“I...” 

“Donna...don’t you think it’s time to stop running?”

“I...I’m not...running,” she said weakly.

“Yes, you are and it has to be exhausting for you,” he replied. “Can’t we just talk about it?”

Part of her wanted to keep arguing with him, wanted to yell at him to go away and leave her alone, but the truth was, she was tired. Tired of feeling mad and sad and irrational, but not knowing why. Tired of wanting nothing more than to stay in this bed for the rest of her life. 

A small kernel of hope sprouted in the center of her chest and it gave her enough courage to respond.

“You won’t tell Josh, will you? Won’t tell him what we talk about?”

“Of course not. You know that’s not how it works, Donna,” he assured her. “Although to be honest, by the end of our talk I hope YOU’LL want to tell him some of what you’re feeling. Now that you’re together, he deserves to hear it and he deserves to hear it from you.”

Donna nodded, but there was no way she was going to verbally agree to it. The idea of telling Josh about anything she was feeling, terrified her and the worst part was she really didn’t know why. 

“Okay,” she said finally relenting. “What do I have to do?”

“Well…you could start by telling me how you’re feeling today,” he suggested.

“Actually, I feel...okay today. Physically, anyway,” she added.

“That’s good. How about other than physically?” he asked.

Donna sighed. “Why do things have to be so hard, Stanley?”

“Donna, I’m afraid, I don’t have answers for you there,” he told her. “What’s hard for you right now?”

She dragged her hand through her hair. “What isn’t?”

“Could you maybe pick one?” Stanley asked. “We need to start somewhere.”

When Donna remained silent and picking at the hem of her blanket, Stanley decided to get the ball rolling.

“How about MJ?”

“Oh, God you would ask about that one first,” Donna muttered.

He noticed she’d once again fisted her hand over her stomach. “Why is that one so especially hard for you?”

“I don’t know, it just is,” she answered.

“Oh-kay,” he said deciding to take another approach. “Donna, how did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?”

She was a little surprised by the question, but at least it was one she felt she had a chance of answering coherently.

“Um, well, in the beginning I was scared. It wasn’t as if we’d planned on having a baby so soon and if this had happened when Josh and I were still working at the White House, it could have been a scandal for the administration. I guess I had that in the back of my mind,” she explained. “Plus there was the fact that I didn’t know how Josh was going to feel about it. I mean when we were first together we didn’t have any kind of birth control readily available and we sort of talked about what would happen if I came up pregnant and we both said it would be okay, but I worried that the reality of it was going to be a different story.”

“And was it?” 

“No, it really WAS okay,” she told him. “After the initial shock of it wore off, we were really both happy and excited about it.”

“Did you like being pregnant?”

“You know, I did,” she replied. “I mean there were physical challenges with it that I didn’t like all that much, morning sickness and swollen ankles and raging hormones, but it was already really…amazing to feel this life inside me, this little life that Josh and I had created together.” 

“How was Josh as an expectant father?”

“I can’t even tell you how great he was,” she said with a genuine smile. “He was sweet and attentive and protective in a good way. We’d lay in bed and he’d talk to the baby about anything from politics to baseball.” 

“Sounds like the baby was a connection between you,” Stanley put in.

“Exactly,” she agreed. “It felt like the baby and my relationship with Josh were the only good things to come out of this whole mess with Amy. He’d massage my back, made sure I took my prenatal vitamins and ate right. Even when I had morning sickness and was throwing up, he was right there with me, holding my hair and bringing me tea that helped settle my stomach. Never for one second did I feel like I was going through things alone.”

Stanley watched her for a minute. “And how about now?”

She blinked in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“I mean do you feel like you’re going through things alone now?”

She stared at him for a long time, trying to think of a way not to answer. “I…” She expelled a breath. “Yes,” she admitted quietly. “In my head, I know I’m not. Josh has been here all the time and I’m sure that everyone else is lurking around somewhere.”

“And the rest of you?” he prompted.

“The rest of me...” She sighed. “Oh, Stanley, the rest of me feels completely alone.”

“Why do you think that is?” Stanley asked.

“I was hoping you could tell me,” she said wistfully.

“Think about it,” he urged. 

She laid there, trying to roll it around in her head. “Sorry, I’ve got nothing.”

“Come on, Donna. You’re not trying.”

“Yes, I am, Stanley! I just don’t know,” she insisted.

“What’s happened to you in the last couple days?” he asked.

“Do you want them alphabetically or by how bad they were?” she said with a little snap in her voice.

“They weren’t all bad.”

“They all felt bad to me,” she argued.

“What about the fact that you and Josh survived the shooting?”

“Okay, yes, of course it’s good that we survived it,” she agreed. “But is it so much to ask for us to have survived it without BOTH of us getting shot?”

“That would be nice, but sorry, life generally doesn’t work that way,” Stanley told her. “You have to find the good where you can.”

Donna sighed. “All right, you have a point. I should be thankful that Josh and I survived it,” she agreed. “But you have to admit, everything else has been pretty terrible.”

“I don’t have to admit that at all,” Stanley said. “There have been other good things.”

Donna gave a little snort. “What else has been good?”

“What about MJ’s birth? Isn’t that a good thing?”

Donna felt her stomach drop. “Of...of...course that’s good,” she stammered. “I thought...I thought you meant...besides that.”

Stanley saw that Donna’s hand had clenched into the blanket over her stomach again. “Donna, are you unhappy about MJ being here?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” she half lied. She knew what he meant she just didn’t know how to answer the question.

“Is your stomach bothering you, Donna?”

She frowned in confusion at the apparent change in subject. “What?”

“You keep clenching your hand over your stomach,” he explained. 

“No, I don’t...” Donna began. Looking down at her stomach she saw that she did indeed have her hand fisted in the blanket. “My stomach’s a little upset.”

Stanley watched her for a moment. “I ask because you always seem to do it when you’re talking about MJ.”

Donna released the blanket like it was burning her. “I’m sure it’s just a coincidence,” she said lamely.

He watched her in that quiet, assessing way he had for a moment. “Okay then, well, getting back to my earlier question, are you unhappy that MJ’s been born?”

Feeling like she’d just jumped back into the frying pan, Donna’s reply was a little snappier than she meant it to be. “What a stupid question. Of course, I’m happy about it. I’d be a pretty terrible person if I wasn’t thrilled that my own child had been born, wouldn’t I?”

“Not necessarily,” Stanley answered as he saw her hand unconsciously clench into the blanket again.

“Well, good, because that’s not me. I really am glad she’s here.”

Stanley nodded. “So you don’t have any doubts…any regrets? You don’t wish things were different?”

“I…” she began then closed her eyes and let out a little breath. “Of course, I wish things were different,” she said quietly with her hand still fisted over her stomach. “I wish we’d been able to plan having MJ and I wish I hadn’t gone into labor early.”

“That’s understandable,” Stanley agreed. “Anything else?”

“Why are you so determined to make me confess something that makes me sound like I’m a bad mother?” she snapped.

“That’s not what I’m doing at all. I don’t think you’re a bad a mother,” he said with complete calm. “Do YOU think you’re a bad mother?”

“Stop using my own words against me, Stanley.”

“It’s hard for me to do that when they’re generally so illuminating,” he told her. “Look, Donna, I just want you to tell me, and yourself, the truth. How do you FEEL about MJ being here?”

“Good. Great,” she said. “How else should I feel?”

“You tell me.”

“God, Stanley, you’re so annoying.”

“Yeah, occupational hazard,” he told her. “But you still didn’t answer my question.”

His words made Donna feel instantly guilty that she’d snapped at him again. With a sigh, she stared at a spot somewhere over his shoulder. She didn’t think she wanted to look him in the eye for this part.

“Part of me is so happy she’s here,” Donna told him honestly. “Like I’ve been waiting forever to meet her and now she’s here and I can’t wait to watch her grow up…take her first step…speak her first word.”

Stanley nodded. “And the other part?”

To her own mortification, tears sprang to her eyes. “Oh, Stanley, nothing is like I thought it would be.”

“How so?”

“I had all these hopes…these expectations. Of us being a family, a whole family and now...nothing is like I pictured it.”

“Go on,” Stanley urged.

“Even though I wasn’t exactly looking forward to the pain aspect, I thought that Josh and I would be together in the delivery room, getting to see our baby being born,” she explained. “Josh said he wanted that, said that he wanted to be there, which given his squeamishness for blood and bodily fluids, made me really happy. Then I figured I’d be breast feeding her which I was oddly looking forward to and holding her, seeing what she looked like, seeing this little person Josh and I had brought into the world and now…” her voice trailed off.

“Now what?” He prompted when it seemed like she wasn’t going to go any farther.

Tears filled her eyes again. “None of that has happened. Not only was Josh not there for her birth, and yes, I know that wasn’t his fault, but even I wasn’t there. I mean not really. I wasn’t even awake. I didn’t get to see her for two days, Stanley. TWO DAYS. I can’t breast feed her, I can’t really hold her, I can barely touch her, in fact all I can seem to do is make her cry.” 

“Donna, babies cry,” Stanley pointed out. “It’s a fact of life, I’m sure it has nothing to do with you.”

“She doesn’t cry for Josh,” Donna said.

“I’m sure she cries for him too, you just haven’t had a chance to see it.

She didn’t believe that for a minute. “Don’t you get it, Stanley? Now that I’ve had her, it’s like I’m useless.”

Stanley cocked his head slightly. “Why would you say that?”

“You should see Josh. He’s like Wonder Father. Even after getting shot in the leg, he feeds her, changes her, burps her, makes her stop crying, he totes her around, he makes sure that her every need is met and he’s there for her since I can’t be.”

“Don’t you want him to be a good father?”

“Of course, I want him to be a good father,” she said heatedly. “I always knew he’d be an amazing father. I’m not saying that it’s wrong for him to be Wonder Father, I just…in light of that, I don’t have a place.”

“That’s not true,” Stanley argued.

“Isn’t it? We were supposed to fumble our way through this new parent thing together, but as it turns out he’s a natural and I’m a failure.”

“You’re seeing things in absolutes, Donna. Life isn’t like that.”

“Stanley, it feels like I’m on the outside looking in. They have this whole relationship that I have no part of and never will.”

“Your injuries have complicated things, Donna,” Stanley told her. “You have to recognize that. It’s just going to take a little time for you to develop your own relationship with MJ.”

“I wish I could believe that. Right now I’m finding it pretty difficult.” A tear rolled down her cheek and she angrily swiped it away as the words tumbled out of her. “I feel empty and useless.”

“Donna, you have to know you’re not useless. Josh and MJ need you. He’s worried about you because he cares. He wants to make a life with you and MJ. If he didn’t, why would he have called me?”

“You said Leo called you,” she said in a weak protest.

“But I also said Leo called me only because he beat Josh to it.”

“Okay, so fine, he was going to call you,” she relented. “What does that prove?”

“It proves to me that Josh isn’t going anywhere. He was going to call me about you and he had to realize that calling me meant that he’d have to talk to me about certain things he had no desire to talk about,” Stanley said. “And you know as well as I do that when it comes to talking about things he doesn’t want to talk about, Josh will avoid it at all costs.” 

“What if he’d come out of a sense of duty or because he feels guilty? You know as well as I do that Josh has a highly developed since of responsibility and guilt.”

Stanley stared at her, trying to understand why she was being so obstinate about this. “Donna, why are you trying to push Josh away?”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” he argued.

“Why would I do that?”

“A good question. Why don’t you tell me?”

Donna’s stomach took an ugly roll and as if she was standing on the edge of a huge cliff, her heart was pounding wildly. “I keep telling you, I’m not trying to push him away!”

“Yes, you are. And as far as I can see all he’s done is be here for you and MJ, so why don’t you stop wasting my time and tell me why you’re pushing him away with both hands?”

Donna’s anger at his badgering spilled over and she blurted out the answer before she could stop it. “Because he’s better off without me, OKAY!”

There was a heavy silence for a moment. “Why would you say that?”

“Because, Stanley, he is…he and MJ both are. I got him shot again…not once but TWICE, I came close to losing MJ and I’m a bad mother. Those sound like three pretty good reasons for them to keep their distance.”

Josh’s theory about Donna feeling guilty had apparently been on the money. “Don’t they get a say in that?”

“Maybe I’m just trying to do what’s best for them,” Donna told him.

“Okay, then let’s look at what might be best for them,” Stanley began. “No matter how good he is with MJ, do you think it’s best for Josh to be a single parent?”

Donna blinked at him. “I never thought about that…”

“Or maybe you think it’s best for Josh to find someone else to marry altogether?”

“If that would make him happy…” she said weakly, even though the idea was a knife through her heart.

Stanley kept going. “Okay, so I guess that means that MJ would be better off having a new mother?”

“What? No…but I…I’m her mother,” Donna stammered. 

“So are you saying that it’s best for her if YOU continue to be her mother?”

“I could get better, you know,” Donna said defensively. “I could work on being a better mother.”

“Of course you could,” Stanley agreed, although he secretly figured that given a chance to bond a bit with the baby and get used to the idea of sharing Josh with MJ, she’d be an amazing mother. The depth of her doubts was all he needed to know about how much she cared.

“I hadn’t thought about…Josh finding someone else,” Donna said quietly as her eyes filled with tears. She dragged her hand across her forehead and through her hair. “God, I’m such a mess. I’m scared to have him close to me and yet I can’t stand the thought of him with someone else.”

Stanley nodded. “I think you hit it on the head, Donna. You’re scared. Scared of being a bad mother and of doing something that might hurt Josh.”

“I’m scared of everything,” she said tearfully. “I can’t seem to stop feeling scared and sad all the time.”

“I know, Donna. And I want you to know that it’s okay to be scared,” Stanley told her. “You’ve had a lot of scary stuff happen to you in the last 10 months. Almost being killed a number of times, people that you care about being in danger and hurt, living in fear of your lives, working things out with Josh, getting married, having a baby, and getting shot. Any one of those things would have sent most people into a tailspin, but you’ve had to handle all of them.” 

“Not very well, apparently,” Donna said using a corner of the sheet to wipe at her eyes. “What’s wrong with me, Stanley?”

“Well, I have a few more things to talk to you about, but my early diagnosis is post partum depression, compounded by mild clinical depression over the trauma and changes of the last 10 months.”

“Depression?” Donna said with a frown. “That’s a life long thing, isn’t it? You can be institutionalized for that, can’t you?”

“It can be both those things, but in your case it’s not,” Stanley assured her. “For you I think it will just take some bonding with MJ, getting used to being a mother and a wife and some medication for probably 6 months to get your brain chemicals and hormones back to where they should be.”

Donna got a little worried. “But what about breastfeeding? If I decide…”

Stanley put his hand up to stop her. “There are a lot of medications out there that can treat this and not be transmitted in breast milk so breastfeeding will still be fine.”

“Oh, okay,” Donna said. 

For the first time she felt like maybe she had some hope of being okay again. Even if she was basing that on nothing more than Stanley’s professional opinion. “Will I need to keep having therapy like Josh did after Christmas?”

“It wouldn’t hurt, but honestly, Donna, I think you’ll be okay with a little bit of time,” he told her. “I can give you the name of some good therapists here in DC if you want to pursue more therapy.”

“All right. It’s something to think about anyway. I know I don’t like feeling this way.”

“Just the act of acknowledging there’s a problem and that you want to get better is an excellent sign,” he told her. 

“Thanks, Stanley,” she said with a quiet smile. “For everything you’ve done for me and Josh.”

He nodded. “You’re welcome…but unfortunately we’re not quite done yet. Like I said I have some more things to talk to you about.”

“Well, I think the hardest part is behind us,” Donna said hopefully, not imagining what could be harder to talk about than her feelings of inadequacies toward MJ and Josh. “So let her rip.”

Stanley plunged right in. “I understand from Josh that you have an issue about listening to music?”

Donna felt sucker punched by the question. Even Josh had never really asked her about the music thing. 

“Oh, that,” she answered casually, but on the inside her heart had started pounding again. “That’s no big deal. I’m better with that now.”

Stanley gave her a long, assessing look. He guessed that she probably didn’t realize he could see her pulse rate on the small monitor by her bed and he knew very well that her heart was racing. 

“That’s good to know, but why don’t you tell me about it anyway?” he said.

“We don’t need to talk about it. I’m better now,” she insisted again.

He could see that she clearly didn’t want to talk about this subject. “Just tell me…”

“No!” she said cutting him off. “I DON’T want to talk about it.”

Her vehement response surprised him. “Well, I’m sorry, but we’re going to talk about it anyway.”

“But I don’t want to talk about it,” she repeated, her voice going up a notch.

“Too bad,” he said in a perfectly calm and collected tone.

Fueled by fear, her anger finally spilled over the banks of her polite facade. “I said no, Stanley!”

“Donna, why don’t you want to talk about it?” he persisted.

“Because we don’t need to, I keep telling you that I’m better with that now!” she snapped.

“You don’t sound better, you sound terrified.” 

If she’d had both arms free she would have crossed them over her chest defiantly, as it was she crossed the one over her torso as best she could. “Well, you’re wrong.”

“Am I?”

“Yes! I’m not terrified,” she lied. Actually she could feel herself on the edge of having a panic attack.

“Well, if you’re not terrified, you won’t have a problem telling me about it, right?”

She felt backed into corner. “What difference does it make anyway? I’m sure Josh told you all about it.”

“Yes, it’s true he did, but I want to hear it from you,” he said, then softened his voice slightly. “Donna, just tell me about it. You have to admit that it’s worked well so far.”

“That was different.”

“Why?”

“Because…” she stopped, not knowing how to answer. “Because it is.”

“That’s not an answer, Donna.”

“Well, it’s all I’m going to give you.”

“Why?”

“Stop asking WHY!!!” she yelled.

“Then answer me!” he said. Although he hadn’t yelled, it was the first time Stanley had raised his voice beyond his usual cool, calm manner.

He was clearly not going to give up. Maybe the quicker she told him the barest essentials of the issue he’d drop it. 

“All right!” she snapped in frustration. “I just have a problem with listening to music okay?!”

“Define problem?”

“Stanley…” she whined. “This is no big deal. Why are you harping on it?”

“Because apparently it’s a big enough deal to you or you wouldn’t be so reluctant to talk about it.”

Donna sighed but her heart continued to pound in her ears. “I have a thing with listening to the radio,” she told him.

“Just the radio?” he asked. “What about TV?”

“No…” she stressed. “…just the radio, well and music from the stereo. TV is fine.”

“What about talk news on the radio?”

“I don’t like it either.”

“What about music on TV?”

She considered that. “No, that’s okay.”

“All right…so…what happens when you have to listen to music or the news on the radio? “

“Stanley, please can we just drop this? It’s not like a little fear of dying is going to impact my everyday life.”

Stanley frowned. “What did you just say?

“I said can we drop this?”

“No, after that.”

She searched her memory for a second. “I said it’s not like a little fear of the radio is going to impact my everyday life.”

Now they were getting somewhere. “No, Donna, that’s not what you said.”

“What are you talking about? Of course that’s what I said.”

“No, you said it wasn’t like a little fear of dying was going to impact your life.”

She stared at him. “No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

“Well, if I did then…then it was an accident…a slip of the tongue.”

“Was it?”

“Yes! Now stop trying to confuse me.”

“Donna, ARE you afraid of dying?” he asked her.

“What a dumb question. Of course, I am!” she replied. “I HAVE had people shooting at me for the last 10 months!”

“Well, you got me there,” he admitted. 

Since he now suspected that the music issue tied into some deeper fear she had and that it was somehow related to the verbal slip she’d just made, he decided to go back and push that button again.

“So, back to this thing with music…”

Donna rolled her eyes. “You just don’t give up do you?”

“No. I’ve been told my tenacity is one of my best traits.”

“Well, that’s debatable,” she muttered.

“Come on, Donna, you know I’m going to get it out of you sooner or later.”

“Fine…whatever.”

“Now what happens when you hear the radio?”

“It doesn’t ALWAYS happen,” she sniped.

“Okay, so when it happens, what happens?”

She sighed and again, tried to sound casual about it. “I get…you know.”

“No, I don’t know unless you tell me,” he told her.

“I get a little panicky, okay!”

“Define a ‘little’ panicky.”

“What do you want me to say?! I FEEL panic! But like I keep trying to tell you, I’m better now.”

“So you keep saying,” he agreed but pressed on. “What are your physical symptoms when you get ‘panicky’?”

Her annoyance and anger at his persistence were overwhelming but she had a feeling it would be useless to avoid answering his question so she told him. “My stomach gets upset.”

He knew there was more. “And?”

“I get light headed.”

“Anything else?”

She dragged a hand through her hair. “God, Stanley, you make this sound like the Spanish Inquisition.”

“I wouldn’t have to if you’d be more cooperative,” he told her.

“I already told you there’s no need to talk about this.”

“Well, I appreciate your opinion, but I think there are some very good reasons to talk about this and I’m the therapist,” he said. “Now are there any other physical symptoms when you hear a radio playing?”

“Why does there have to be anything else?” she snapped. “Isn’t that enough?”

“Not if there’s more, it isn’t,” he shot back.

“Fine!” she said throwing up her free hand. “I can’t breathe, okay? It’s really hard to breathe.” 

Stanley nodded. “So you don’t just feel panicky, you come close to having a full panic attack?”

‘Kind of like now,’ she thought.

“If you say so,” she said out loud. “All I know is that I don’t like it.”

“But I thought you said you were better.” 

“Oh…well,” she backpedaled. “I am better.”

“In what way are you better?” he challenged.

“Before I couldn’t listen to the radio at all and now I can listen to it sometimes,” she explained.

“Could you elaborate on that?”

She huffed out a breath. “I still can’t listen to it in the car, but I can sometimes listen to it in the house.”

“Well, that is a step in the right direction,” he agreed. “Why do you think you can’t listen to it in the car?”

“I don’t know,” she said annoyed. “I just don’t like to.”

“Why?”

“I said I don’t know.”

“Are you sure?” he persisted.

“Stanley, what part of, ‘I DON’T know’ do you not understand?”

He didn’t let her words phase him. “You told Josh it was because you couldn’t hear if someone was coming after you.”

“Yeah, okay…so?”

“You don’t think that sounds a little strange?”

“It made sense to me at the time,” she remarked.

“And now?”

“Now…well, now it just…is. I can’t change that,” she said simply.

“Of course you can,” he told her. “That’s what we’re here for.”

“Easy for you to say, it’s not your psyche under the microscope.”

“This is true, but I can also listen to the radio just fine,” he said. “Now when did this fear of the radio start?”

“Oh, Stanley, I don’t know,” she said in annoyance.

“I mean has it been something that has bothered you for years?”

“No, listening to the radio didn’t used to be a problem at all,” she replied.

“Then when would you say is the first time you remember not wanting to listen to the radio?” he asked.

“I don’t remember.”

Stanley wouldn’t be deterred. “Josh said the first time you did it that he knew of was after he got shot in Chicago. Was that the first time?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. Now, come on Donna.”

Donna let out an annoyed little sigh. “No, I don’t think that was the first time.”

“When was the last time you remember turning on the radio of your own accord?”

“At the house in Arizona right before Josh and I got married,” she said.

“How about before that?”

“How am I supposed to remember such a thing? That’s like asking how many times I’ve tied my shoes in the last 6 months.”

“No, I don’t think it is, you probably haven’t listened to the radio all that much. I’d be willing to bet you know when you did it last.”

She stared at the ceiling again and this time really tried to remember, if for no other reason than to get him off her back. “Okay, fine, the last time I remember doing it was in Josh’s car on the way to Amy’s office.”

Her answered surprised him a little. He would have guessed that she’d have said it was after the incident at the lake. “Okay, good. That’s good,” he said. “Now when was the first time even the thought of turning on the radio made you uncomfortable?”

“I don’t…” her voice trailed off as an odd memory surfaced. “Pennsylvania,” she said in a very, very quiet voice, almost to herself.

Now that he seemed to finally be getting her to open up, he softened his voice in the hopes of coaxing more out of her. “Was it before or after you got to the lake?” he asked gently.

Donna continued to stare at a point on the wall. “Before,” she said, her voice still soft. “I was…in the car.”

“What car?” 

“Um…with Mike Casper.” She was quite for a moment. “He…I…I wasn’t in much of a mood to talk and…he turned the radio on. I didn’t…connect the two then, but I felt…uncomfortable. A little like the walls were…closing in on me.” She looked at Stanley then. “I just thought it was because of everything that was going on right then.”

He nodded. “You just felt a little claustrophobic? No panic attack then, right?”

She shook her head. “No, just uncomfortable.”

“And when was the first time you remember having the first panic attack over it?” he asked next.

Donna stared back at the wall again. The blankness of it seemed to help her think more clearly. “With Josh…after he got…shot.” She swallowed hard. “We were in…Oklahoma I think. He wanted to play the radio.”

“And what happened?”

“I wouldn’t let him…the idea of it…” Shivering slightly, she focused back on him again. “…terrified me. I think I threatened to rip his arms off…or something if he tried to touch the radio knob.”

“Well, that does seem like a bit of an overreaction.”

“Yeah…” she said. 

“Okay, Donna, I want to try something. It’s going to sound a little strange but I think it might help.”

“All right,” she said a bit unsteadily. Although she was still scared to find out more about the music thing, her curiosity was also piqued. “What do I have to do?”

“I want to go back to the beginning and talk about what happened at Amy’s office.”

“What do you want to know?” she asked.

“To start with, I’m curious about something,” he began.

“What?”

“Do you blame Josh?”

She frowned. “For what?”

“For sending you there.” 

Donna didn’t even hesitate. “No, I don’t blame him. It’s not his fault. There’s no way he could have known.” She looked at Stanley for a minute. “Does he think that I blame him?”

“No, not at all.”

“Does he blame himself?”

“Yes, but that’s not unexpected is it?”

“No, like I said, Josh takes a lot of things on his own shoulders,” Donna said. “But it’s not his fault.”

Stanley cocked his head slightly. “Whose fault is it?”

“Well, it’s Stone fault and Tapestry’s, of course…” Donna told him. “But I also blame myself and I blame Amy.”

“Tell me why you blame your self?”

“If I hadn’t given her an appointment, then I wouldn’t have been there and I wouldn’t have been involved in this mess in the first place.”

Stanley nodded. “True, but have you stopped to consider the fact that if you hadn’t gone that night you and Josh probably wouldn’t be together?” he said, giving her the same argument he’d given Josh.

Donna stared down at her hand for a moment. “I know, it’s the only reason I can live with myself,” she said quietly. Then she looked up at Stanley. “I recognize that the positive things in this situation outweigh the negative, and even if I could, I wouldn’t change things, except maybe for Josh getting shot and MJ being born early, but…” She let out a breath. “…I still struggle with the negatives and my part in them.”

Stanley couldn’t fault her logic. He knew that she would have to find a way to come to terms with what had happened, but he thought the fact that she was able to see and appreciate the positives was a good first step.

“And why do you blame Amy?”

Donna gave a sarcastic little laugh. “Isn’t that obvious?”

“Yeah, but why don’t you tell me anyway?” Stanley told her.

“She got involved with the wrong people, then she tried to get Josh involved. I mean it’s not like she deserved it or anything, but she did kind bring it on herself.”

He heard the heat in her voice and remembered his comment to Josh about Amy being the other woman in his relationship with Donna. “You’re angry with her,” he said as a statement.

“You’re damn right I’m angry with her. She was always trying to get her hooks into Josh,” she said vehemently. “She just should have left him alone. She could have gotten him killed.”

Stanley nodded. “Okay, Donna, I want to go back to that night at her office, but I want to do something a little different. Rather than you just telling me about it, I want you to close your eyes.” He waited until Donna did so. “Now picture yourself going to the building and getting on the elevator. You ride up to Amy’s floor and the doors open. You step out and walk to her office. What do you see?”

“Empty Desks…offices…everyone’s gone home,” she told him.

“Good. Now, you’ve reached her office door,” he instructed. “Tell me what you hear.”

“What I hear?” Donna asked in surprise. “Music….I hear music playing.”

“Can you tell where the music is coming from?”

“No…wait, yes, there’s a little stereo behind her desk,” Donna told him. “She turned it down when she saw me in the doorway.”

“Did she turn it down or turn it off?”

“Down…she turned it down. I could still hear it.”

“Okay, what happened next?”

“We had the meeting and although I knew she was disappointed it was me and not Josh, it actually went really well. Before I left I asked if I could use the bathroom in her office,” she explained. “I wanted to freshen up a little.”

“All right. When did you know something was wrong?”

Her eyes still closed, Donna frowned. “When I heard Amy ask Stone what he was doing there. She looked confused rather than scared.”

“How could you tell how she looked?” he asked a little confused. “Wasn’t the door shut?”

“No, it was cracked open a little. I’d started to open it earlier but I’d dropped my purse and everything spilled out of it. Stone came in as I was picking things up and he didn’t realize the door was open. I saw most of what happened from the crack in the door.” 

“While you were kneeling on the floor, tell me what you heard.”

Donna’s eyes opened in fear. “I don’t want to do this anymore.“

“But Donna, I think we’re really close to learning something. Won’t you at least try?”

“I’m afraid,” she admitted in a small voice.

“I know you are, Donna and that’s okay. In fact, it’s natural. But you don’t need to be afraid right now. No one is going to hurt you. It’s just you and me and we’re just taking a walk through your memory,” he said. “Just remember that you’re in control, not your fear. Don’t let it take over.”

“Okay, I’ll try,” she said even though she was no less afraid.

“Good. Now close your eyes again and blank your mind.” He waited for a moment before continuing. “Now take two slow breaths.” Again he waited for her to follow his directions. “

“So you’re picking things up off the floor…tell me what you hear.”

“Nothing…” she said. “I’m too busy…wait…music, I hear music again.” She frowned. “Amy must have turned up the volume again on the stereo while I was in the bathroom.”

“All right,” he told her. “Now go forward a little bit. Amy’s already been shot. What’s Stone doing?”

Her voice was shakier now. “I…he’s…tearing apart…her office. He’s looking for…something.”

“Don’t forget to breathe, Donna,” he said. “Okay, what happens next?”

“I…I realize that he…he’s going to look in the bathroom and I better hide. But there wasn’t much in the bathroom. All I can think of is to hide behind the door. I think…I hope…maybe he won’t see me.”

“Okay, good, that was very smart of you. So what happens after you hide behind the door?”

“I realize…that even behind…the door he’ll still be able to see me…in the mirror,” she said haltingly. “Then I see Amy’s coat.”

“And what did you do with her coat?”

“I left it on the hanger but I got behind it…inside it…whatever.”

“Once you’re under her coat tell me what it’s like.”

“It’s hot…it’s stuffy…then…God…”

“What? What is it?”

“He’s coming!” she said with a note of panic in her voice. “I can hear him opening the bathroom door. Then the door is pressing me back against the wall, like it will crush me.” She scrunched up her eyes as tears began to seep from beneath her closed eyelids. “I’m so scared! I don’t dare breathe or me might hear me. I try to make myself small so he won’t see me, but I know he’s going to hear me anyway and when he does he’s going to kill me like he killed Amy!”

He could tell she was getting lost in the memory so he tried to keep her grounded. “Donna…” he said firmly. “It’s just a memory. You’re not there now…you’re safe. There’s no jacket over your face now. It’s just a movie in your head. Don’t let it take over. Keep breathing…in…and…out…in…and…out.”

It took everything Donna had just to try and take those breaths, but when she did, she found that the panic subsided a bit. “Okay…I’m okay.”

“Good, tell me what’s happening now.”

She let out another long breath. “I think he’s leaving the bathroom because the door isn’t pushed so tight against me. But I still hear him making some noise in the office so I don’t dare move or breathe too much in case he notices me or hears me and comes back.”

“Okay, as you hear him making noise, I want you to listen very carefully. Besides what he’s doing, do you hear anything else?”

“My heartbeat…it’s so loud in my ears, I’m sure he’ll hear it.”

“All right, do you hear anything else?”

Donna frowned again as she tried to listen to what was happening in her memory. “No, just him…wait, no I hear music again…no not music. This time I think…I think it’s a commercial on the radio.” Her frown deepened. “Wait…there was a crash and…now…it’s gone.” 

“Go on,” he urged.

“Then there’s nothing. No sound at all. I think…I think he must have smashed the stereo and…then left,” she said. “Somehow, then I thought it was safe to come out.”

“Was Amy already dead?”

“No. At first I thought she was but…when I got to her, I realized she wasn’t.” She frowned and her voice was quiet again. “There was so much blood. It was all over her and the walls and the carpet and when I tried to help her it was all over me.” She shivered.

“Donna, stay with me, okay?”

“Oh…oh-kay,” she said a little shakily as she let out a breath. “I tried to do what I could for her but part of me knew it was hopeless.”

“What’s going through your mind then?”

“Not a lot…I’m just focused on trying to help her. I did call 911.” She frowned again. “But…there was one thing…”

“What’s that?”

“I…I kept thinking that she had to live because…because Josh was going to be really mad at me if she died.”

“Did she die there in the office?” Stanley finished.

Donna opened her eyes and looked at Stanley. “Yes. Watching her die and being helpless to do much of anything was the hardest thing I’ve ever done…that is until I had to face Josh and tell him what had happened. I never thought I’d get through it. That whole night seemed to last an eternity.”

Stanley nodded. “Now I’d like to move onto what happened out at the lake in Pennsylvania.”

After recounting the story to Mike and Josh in the parking lot of Wal-Mart, Donna hadn’t spoken much at all about what happened at the lake. In fact, she hadn’t even let herself think about it.

“Do we really have to?” she said, even though part of her knew that it would just make him dig in his heels even more on the subject. “I don’t like to talk about it.”

“I know, but we need to,” he told her. “I think the final key to this is there. Just remember to control the fear you feel instead of it controlling you.”

Donna let out a sigh. “Okay.”

“Now close your eyes again. It’s the night that Stone came. Picture yourself there and tell me what you were doing right before he came.”

She swallowed hard. “I was in the bathroom, combing my hair. I’d just…taken a bath and my hair was wet and tangled so I was combing it out.”

Stanley nodded. “Okay, so you were combing your hair, then what?”

She shivered slightly. “The lights went out and I heard a commotion coming from the front part of the house and then gunshots.”

He could hear the panic in her voice. “It’s okay, Donna, you’re just remembering it, no one is going to hurt you.”

Squeezing her eyes closed a little tighter, she took a breath and nodded. “The agents told me if anything ever happened I was supposed to go hide in the safe room. So that’s where I went.”

“Where was this safe room?” Stanley asked.

“In the closet, in my room. It was really small. I had to press myself up against the back wall just so I could close the door.”

“That’s definitely tiny,” he agreed. “Tell me how it feels to be closed up in there.”

Her voice got a little shaky again. “I feel scared. I don’t like being in there.”

“Okay, what else?” 

“It’s small and stuffy. The walls seem awfully close.”

“Is it the same feeling you had when you were hiding under Amy’s coat?”

Donna frowned as she compared the two. “Yeah, it is. Except it’s not…so hot in the safe room and I feel like it’s okay to breathe a little.”

“Could you hear anything?”

“Yes, once I was in the safe room, I could actually hear what was going on more clearly in the living room because the panic room had a vent that went into the front part of the house.”

“And what did you hear?”

“Noise, sounds of struggling, more gunshots,” she said. “Then it was almost quiet for a while.”

“Go on,” he prompted when she didn’t continue.

“I…please, Stanley, I don’t want to…please don’t make me,” she pleaded.

“You need to get this out,” he coaxed. “Tell me what happened next.”

Tears seeped from under her closed lids. “I could hear Stone and his men talking. They said they…they… they killed the other agents. Only Agent Reyes was still alive.”

“And what happened to her?”

Tears trailed down her cheeks. “They tortured her trying to find out where I was, but she wouldn’t tell them. They’d shot her…in the knee I think…I heard her cry out in pain. But she still…” Donna sniffed. “…wouldn’t tell them.” 

“What are you feeling at that point?”

“Helpless…angry. I wanted to scream at them…to tell them where I was so they’d leave her alone, but…” She gave a little sob. “but…I knew that they would just kill her…anyway and then kill me…so I stayed where I was. I did nothing to help her. All I did was stand there and listen to them…hurt her.” She covered her face with her hand and let out a few sobs.

“You did the right thing, Donna,” he told her. Then he sat there quietly as she tried to collect herself. “You survived.”

Eventually, she stopped crying and wiped at her face with the sheet again.

“You ready to go on?”

“I guess,” she said closing her eyes again.

“Okay, now go forward to after Stone kills Agent Reyes.”

“All right,” she said a little shakily, glad that she didn’t have to relieve Agent Reyes’ last moments.

“Tell me what you hear.”

“Stone and the men he brought…they’re talking.”

He saw her frown. “What is it?”

“I hear…” she paused as she thought about it carefully. “Splashing…I hear splashing. Oh God, now I remember, they were pouring gasoline on everything in the living room.”

“How do you know it’s gasoline?”

“The smell. It’s terrible!” Her nose wrinkled in disgust as if she was actually smelling it. “The air coming through the vent is saturated with it. It’s so strong it makes it hard for me to breathe.”

Stanley nodded. “Anything else?”

“No, I…” She paused. “Yes, I…someone’s talking.”

“Is it the gunmen?”

“I’m not…no, it’s not them. It’s someone else.” She frowned in concentration. “It’s…it’s the news radio station Agent Armstrong liked to listen to. It’s hard to hear…but I think they’re talking about what’s going on in D.C.”

“How do you know it’s the radio and not the TV?” Stanley asked her.

“We didn’t have cable there,” she told him. “All we had was the stereo and lots of books to read.” Pressing her hand to her mouth, Donna gave a little choking cough. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Fire…they set the gasoline on fire,” she choked out. “It’s getting hot and it seems harder to breathe. There’s smoke coming into the safe room through the vent.”

“What do you hear now?”

“Just the flames,” she told him. “Sizzling and crackling like wood in a fireplace.” She took a shaky little breath. “I know it’s time to get out. Stone can shoot me if he wants, but I’m not going to die in that closet.”

Stanley smiled at the hint of defiance in her voice and he let out a breath of his own as he sat back in his chair. “Okay, Donna, you can open your eyes now.”

Donna did so and blinked in the light of her room. “Was that some kind of hypnosis?”

“No, not really, closing your eyes and visualizing the scene just helps make you a bit more focused when you’re trying to remember something.”

Even though she was clearly traumatized by the events of the last couple months, her ability to talk about it made him believe that with some time and a little normalcy, she would be okay…she and Josh would BOTH be okay.

“Okay, so what does all the stuff I remembered mean?”

“It means that you’re associating the sound of the radio with Stone and your fear of him and that’s why it upsets you,” he explained. “Remember when you said you felt slightly claustrophobic when you were in the car with Mike and he turned on the radio?”

“Yes.”

“That’s because you were feeling claustrophobic under Amy’s jacket with the door pressed against you while the music was playing,” he told her. “So in your head when you heard the radio playing, it sent you right back to that moment in her office.”

“Okay, but why didn’t I get upset with Mike the way I did with Josh when we were in Oklahoma?”

“Well, you tell me. What happened between your car ride with Mike and your car ride with Josh?” he asked.

She frowned. “A lot of things…” And then the light bulb suddenly popped on for her. “The lake. Being in the safe house at the lake when Stone killed Agent Reyes and set the house on fire.”

“Exactly. On top of what happened in Amy’s office you had another occasion to be in a small, confining space under terrifying conditions and the radio was playing. So your original problem with the radio got even worse after the lake and that’s why you started reacting so strongly to it after that. I also suspect that the reason that your fear of the radio is worse in the car than in the house is because the car is a more confined space and adds to your claustrophobia.”

Actually it did make sense to her, but it seemed silly now that she’d been so afraid earlier. “I feel so stupid.”

“Why?”

“Because I made all this fuss over the radio.”

“Donna,” he chided gently. “There’s no reason to feel foolish. You feel what you feel. Your mind unconsciously took the radio as a trigger. Every time something happened with the radio you’re mind went into protective mode against what it saw as a perceived threat.” 

“So what, I’ll never be able to listen to the radio again?”

Stanley smiled. “No, because as I told Josh once, we get better. The fact that you know what’s behind your fear is the first step in conquering it. With a little time and retraining, I think you’ll be able to listen to the radio just fine.”

She stared at him for a long moment. “So you really think I’ll be okay? I mean after the radio and my depression and being shot…you have to admit, it seems like a lot to overcome.”

Stanley closed the folder. “You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, Donna. I have no doubt you’ll be just fine. And if you need me again, you know how to reach me. Look, this was just a bump in the road for you. Things came to a head here, which is understandable after the last 10 months, but you survived Stone and you’ll survive this.”

She gave him a small, but genuine smile. “So you’re saying it’s time to get up off the mat?”

He cocked his head at her and smiled curiously. “I like that. Do you mind if I use it?”

“No, not at all, although I got it from a guy in North Dakota,” her smile widened a bit. “But I won’t tell if you won’t.”

“It’s a deal.” Stanley got up and gathered his things. “So what do you say?” he asked standing at the foot of her bed. “You ready to see your husband and your baby daughter?”

Donna let out a breath. “Well, I’m still a little scared, but yes.”

“Good, I’ll call him and let him know. I’ll also coordinate with your doctor on the medication for your depression.”

“Okay, Stanley, and thank you again.”

He grinned. “You’re welcome. It’s all part of the service here at Keyworth’s House of Mental Health.” He walked to the door, but stopped before he opened it and turned back to her. “Oh, but I would like you to do me just one favor.”

“What’s that?” she asked.

“Talk to Josh. Tell him some of your fears, especially about being a mother. I think you’ll find he’s not as perfect at this father gig as you think. Talking it through with him will help you both.”

Donna swallowed. “I’ll think about it.”

Stanley nodded. “Fair enough. Bye, Donna.”

“Bye Stanley,” she called after him.

Stepping out into the hall, Stanley, nodded to the agent on duty and walked down the corridor as he punched in the number he wanted. The phone only rang once before someone picked up.

“Hey, Josh, it’s Stanley.” 

“How is she?” Were the first words out of Josh’s mouth.

“I think she’s going to be fine, She’s still got some things to sort out but she’s ready to see you and MJ.”

“That’s great, Stanley! I knew you could get through to her. When can we come down there?”

“I’d give her a couple hours just to process what she and I talked about,” Stanley replied. “But there are a couple things I’m going to ask you to do during your visit.”

“Okay, what are they?”

Stanley could all but hear the trepidation in Josh’s voice. “Don’t worry, you’re not going give her electric shock treatments or anything, I just want you to talk to her.”

“I’ll try, but you know I haven’t had the best luck with that lately,” Josh told him.

“Yeah, but I think she’s ready to listen this time,” he replied. “Now, here’s what I want you to do…”


	45. Chances

Chapter 45

With MJ’s carrier firmly in one hand, his cane in the other and two agents in tow, Josh nodded to the agent on duty at Donna’s closed door. His first instinct was to just push the door open and walk right in as he’d always done, but he decided to be a little extra considerate and knock first.

Hooking the cane on the handle of MJ’s carrier, he raised hand, paused, and then dropped it again. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little nervous. Despite the fact that Stanley had assured him that she was fine and ready to see him and MJ, he was still worried about how Donna was going to take his visit. Not to mention how she was going to react to what Stanley wanted him to do.

Glancing down at a sleeping MJ, Josh looked back at the door, took a deep breath and knocked.

“Come in,” he heard her call back.

Taking hold of his cane again, he pushed open the door and stepped inside as the agents stayed in the hall. Donna was sitting up in bed watching TV and he had to admit that she looked better and more alert than she had the last few days. Of course, a lot of that could be attributed to the lowering of her pain medication and the inordinate about of sleep she’d been getting.

“Josh?” she said with a frown as she switched off the TV. “Why on earth did you knock?”

“I didn’t know if you were sleeping or something,” he answered.

“Oh…” she said, staring at him for a long moment. “Actually, I’ve been waiting for you.” Her eyes went down to look at MJ’s carrier. “For both of you,” she added quietly.

She’d said it with such gentleness and sincerity that he couldn’t help but smile. Things definitely seemed like they were off to a good start.

He walked over to the bed and set MJ’s carrier down in the chair by Donna’s bed. “We would have come sooner, but Stanley thought you might need a little time to think over what you talked about.”

“Did he tell you what we talked about?” she asked a little cautiously.

“No, you know he wouldn’t do that,” Josh told her. “He did tell me that you were ready to see me and MJ and that he’d diagnosed you with post partum depression, but I swear he didn’t say anything else.” 

She nodded. “Yeah, he’s going to put me on some medication for the depression.”

“You look better…” he half-blurted. “Actually you look really great.”

She couldn’t help but blush a little. “Thanks.”

“I see your arm’s in a sling now,” he observed.

She smiled slightly. “Yeah, my regular doctor came in right after Stanley. He and the nurse changed the dressings and I managed to move my arm around some.”

Hope flared inside him. “That’s great,” he said. “Did it hurt?”

“A little. Plus it was really stiff from not using it, but it wasn’t too bad and it was worth it to be able to move my arm again,” she told him. “Anyway, the doctor thought a sling would give my arm enough support but a little more freedom of movement.” She looked a bit shy for a moment. “I also got out of bed and took a couple steps.” 

Josh was speechless for a moment. “I…that’s…that’s amazing,” he replied. If his leg hadn’t been injured, he would probably have been doing a little victory dance. As it was, he had the most overwhelming urge to kiss her, but was worried it would be pushing it too much so he shoved his hands in his pockets.

A little silence stretched between them, but it was warm and comfortable.

“You look like you’re walking better,” she finally said.

“Yeah, the doctor said I can stop using the cane in the next couple of days. I really only need it now for getting up out of chairs and stuff or if I’m going to walk a long distance because my leg still gets a little tired.”

“That’s good,” she said, then was quiet for a moment. “Speaking of being tired…when did you sleep last?”

He was a little taken aback by her concern. He’d been so focused on her, he hadn’t expected her to worry about him. “I…I’ve slept.”

She gave him a slightly dubious look. “Josh, I know what you look like when you’re tired. And right now you look like you’re heading toward exhausted.”

“I just…there’s been a lot going on,” he tried. 

“I know, but…promise me you’ll get some sleep,” she said simply. “At least one of us has to be functional.”

“Okay…I promise.”

With a nod as she shifted her gaze, to stare at the carrier. She could just make out the outline of the baby’s tiny feet under the fluffy pink blanket. “How’s MJ?” she asked looking back at him. “Stanley said she was discharged today.”

“Yeah, this morning. She’s doing great. Got a clean bill of health from the Doctor,” Josh said with a proud smile. “Of course, I had to pry her away from the women in the nursery. They wanted to keep her as their permanent mascot, but I put my foot down and we made a break for it.”

Donna smiled slightly. “She’s already a charmer like her father.”

Josh warmed at her comment. “Well, she’s a tired charmer at the moment. I just fed her and changed her and she fell asleep in the car on the way over here.” 

“You’re very good with her,” Donna said with quiet sincerity.

He was a little surprised by her compliment, but it made him feel 10 feet tall. “Thanks, I’ve been doing my best.” He stared at her. “But you know, all I’ve really been doing is holding down the fort until I can get you out of here and home where you belong.”

She looked a little unsure of herself. “I know. I appreciate all you’ve been doing, Josh.” She blinked back sudden tears. “I’m sorry that I haven’t said it.”

“Hey…” He saw her struggling not to cry and he sat down carefully on the side of the bed. “Don’t be sorry…” he said brushing some hair back from her face. “…just get better. MJ and I need you.” 

Glancing down at MJ and then back at Josh, she lifted her hand and laid it on his cheek. “I need you too…both of you,” she said quietly.

Turning his head, he kissed her palm. “You want to hold her?”

Donna visibly swallowed. “Isn’t she…asleep? I don’t want to wake her.”

“Yeah, she’s asleep, but she’s actually a pretty heavy sleeper so don’t let that stop you.”

Although she wanted to hold MJ, part of her was still terrified. “O…oh…okay,” she forced herself to say.

Sliding off the bed, Josh turned to MJ and gently took her out of the carrier. As for MJ, she seemed to be oblivious to the whole process. Donna raised the bed to its highest sitting position and shifted her arm to give Josh a place to put MJ down. With her renewed mobility, she was able to make a more normal cradling position with her arm.

Slowly and carefully Josh laid a sleeping MJ into Donna’s arm and grabbing an extra pillow off the other bed, he propped it under her arm to help give some added support. Then, taking a step back, he waited to see what would happen.

Donna was all but holding her breath and her heart was pounding. She was so afraid of waking MJ, she didn’t move or blink or hardly breathe. She just kept staring at her tiny form and tried to drink in the moment.

Josh could all but feel her fear. He realized that Stanley had been right about her needing more time to bond with MJ.

“You okay?” he asked quietly.

Feeling her wonder beginning to edge out some of her fear, Donna nodded and blinked away tears that prickled at the back of her eyes. “She’s so…amazing.”

“Yeah, she is…” Josh agreed softly. “…she takes after her mom.”

Donna glanced up at him. “I don’t feel amazing,” she admitted. “Right now I’m so scared, it’s all I can do not to start shaking.”

“You’re doing fine…” he assured her.

Then he silently asked her to forgive him for what he was about to do.

“Oh…” he exclaimed reaching into his pocket. “My phone is vibrating,” he lied as he pulled it out and flipped it open. “It’s Leo,” he lied again as he held it up to his ear. “What’s going on?” he asked the dead air on his phone. “You’re kidding? They want to run Lipinski in the Pennsylvania 8th? Sure, okay…hang on a sec…”

He pulled the phone away and turned to Donna. “Leo’s been working with the DNC and he wants to talk to me about a couple things. Do you mind if I talk to him for a minute?”

“Ah…no, I mean…I guess not,” she stammered.

“Great.” He put the phone back to his ear. “Okay, I’m back,” he said as he picked up his cane and hobbled toward the door. “Yeah, so why did they pick Lipinski over Taylor?”

Before Donna could say another word, Josh had stepped out into the hall. She hadn’t expected him to leave the room and now that she was alone with MJ the fear jumped back into her throat with renewed ferocity.

Josh stepped out into the hall and as soon as the door had closed behind him, he snapped his phone closed and slid it back into his pocket. Picking out a piece of wall just a few steps from Donna’s door, he leaned against it. 

He prayed that Stanley was right about this. If it went badly, Donna was going to hate him.

Back in the room, Donna stared down at a still sleeping MJ. She just hoped Josh came back before she woke up.

“Okay, Donna, get a grip on yourself,” she muttered quietly. “She’s not a bomb, she’s a baby and she’s asleep so there’s nothing to worry about.”

Her mini pep talk calmed her a bit and Donna took the opportunity to study MJ a little closer.

‘She really is a pretty baby,’ Donna thought.

She already had a cap of dark wispy hair and she definitely had Josh’s chin. Donna hoped that once she was able to smile and laugh, she’d have his dimples as well. 

Carefully, Donna moved her injured arm so she could touch MJ better. It didn’t matter that the motion hurt her arm. Her curiosity balanced any pain or potential pain she felt or might feel. 

Taking a calculated risk, Donna traced MJs nose lightly with her index finger. She couldn’t decide if MJ had Josh’s nose or hers, but she marveled at the softness of her skin. Slipping her index finger under MJs hand, Donna studied her tiny fingers and her even tinier fingernails.

Perhaps it was the touch of someone’s hand on hers, but whatever the reason, MJ chose that moment to wake up. 

As Donna watched, MJs eyes slowly opened and she stared up at her. It was the oddest feeling, but just seeing MJ look up at her, make Donna's fear begin to ebb away. 

"Hi, baby, I'm your mom," she greeted. "I know we haven't had that much time together but I'm going to make that up to you."

Despite her injured shoulder, Donna's hand fluttered over MJ. 

"I think you're the prettiest baby I've ever seen," she told MJ as she pulled the blanket back from her feet to count all ten of her toes. "With your tiny pink fingers and your tiny pink toes and your gorgeous blue eyes." Donna smiled. "You get those from me, you know."

She stroked a finger down MJs cheek. "I know you can't really smile yet, but I know when you do you'll smile just like your dad. Speaking of your dad, he's pretty great, isn't he? He's been taking really good care of you…of both of us." Donna smiled softly. "You know, MJ, I think you’ll find as you get old that there are a lot of men in this world that will disappoint you, but you can put your trust in your dad…he'll never let you down." 

After that, Donna just stayed quiet and allowed herself the luxury of being alone with MJ for the first time.

The only problem was that MJ didn't like the quiet and it didn't take long for her to start fussing and then actually crying.

Needless to say, Donna's fear came back in full force and then some. "No, no, it's okay," she said trying to soothe her. "Don't cry. Please don't cry."

Her mind raced for what to do. The first thing that came to her mind was trying to jiggle MJ like Josh had told her, but with her injuries she still couldn't do it very effectively and the awkwardness of it only seemed to upset MJ more.

Josh said he'd fed her and changed her right before they'd come to the hospital so she shouldn't be upset about either of those things. Even if those things had been the culprit, there wouldn't have been a lot Donna could do about them at the moment.

"What's wrong, honey?" she said still trying to jiggle MJ as best she could. "I sure wish you could talk."

Not too proud to admit defeat, she did the only thing she could think of.

"JOSH!" she cried helplessly.

When she stared at the door and moments ticked by without Josh, or anyone else coming through it to rescue her, Donna felt her own composure start to slip.

"Please don't cry, MJ," she begged again with tears of her own pooling in her eyes. "I'm a rookie here, couldn't you give me a break?"

MJ's response, of course, was to keep crying. 

"Josh!" she called again tearfully.

Out in the hall, Josh continued to grip the railing on the hallway wall as he heard her call for him again. It was all he could do not to rush back into the room and help her. Stanley had prepared him for this, but having to hold himself back was a lot harder than he'd expected.

"I'm sorry, MJ," Donna said with tears trailing down her cheeks. "We’ll have to wait for your dad because I don't know what to do."

For a moment it was a toss up as to who was crying more, Donna or MJ.

But then the oddest thing happened.

Something came over Donna, a feeling of almost…determination. As if something kicked on in her to overcome the fear and hopelessness she was feeling. With almost a snap, she realized that crying like MJ would solve nothing. Her daughter needed her and she could not fall apart…WOULD not fall apart.

How could she stop her from crying? If it was a matter of changing her or feeding her then Donna really would have to wait for Josh to come back. In the mean time she had to find something else that would work or just get used to hearing MJ cry.

Wait…

She had an idea. It was a long shot, but at the moment it was all she could think of.

"..baby mine don't you cry…"

She began to sing quietly.

"…baby mine dry your eyes…"

As she sang, she rhythmically stroked a knuckle lightly over MJs cheek.

"…rest your head close to my heart…never to part…baby of mine…"

She just hoped she remembered the rest of the words. Here's where wearing out her Beaches CD was going to pay off.

"…little one while you play…pay no heed what they say…let your eyes sparkle and shine…never a tear…baby of mine…"

Slowly, MJ's cries began to quiet.

"…if they knew all about you…they'd end up loving you too…all those same people who scold you…what they'd give just for the right to…hold you…”

Finally her cries stopped and just a pout remained. Donna smiled not only because she recognized the pout was very much like her own, but because MJ had stopped crying. 

"…from your head down to your toes…you're not much goodness knows…but you're so precious to me…sweet as can be…baby of mine…"

Even the pout faded and MJ looked up at Donna with an expression that was almost…curious. At least as much as a newborn baby could look curious.

Out in the hall, Josh loosed his grip on the door frame. When he'd heard both MJ and Donna crying he'd gone to her door, but had been torn about going in. While he'd been wrestling with whether or not to intervene, he'd heard Donna stop crying and start singing. While Donna's singing voice wasn't anything extraordinary, to him it was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever heard. He let out a relieved breath now that MJ had stopped crying too. 

"That's it. Now isn't that better than crying?" Donna asked her softly. "Would you like another song?"

Although MJ couldn't answer, Donna took the fact that she hadn't started crying again as an answer in itself.

"Now, let's see…I didn't think to brush up on my lullabies," Donna told her. Her mind searched for another song. "Oh, I know one I think you'll like…"

"…Hush little baby, don't say a word…mama's going to buy you a mockingbird…"

As she continued to sing, Donna was pretty sure she was getting the words slightly wrong, but honestly MJ didn't seem to care. She continued to lay there quietly, just watching Donna. 

After that song finished, Donna started running through every little ditty she could think of. From the A-B-C song to the old Coca-Cola theme "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing."

As she sang the theme song from "The Brady Bunch," Donna watched MJs little eyelids droop closed as she went back to sleep. Sitting there, Donna watched her sleep and felt her throat close up a little as fresh tears prickled her eyes.

How had she been lucky enough to be part of making something so amazing? A little piece of her and a little piece of Josh, but clearly with a mind all her own.

A wave of protectiveness and love flowed over Donna in a rush. What she’d told Stanley about her being the ONLY mother for MJ echoed in her head. 

“I’ll work to be the best mother I can be, I swear,” she promised a sleeping MJ quietly.

On the heels of her promise, the door to her room opened and Josh came in.

"Sorry I didn't mean to be gone so long. Leo had a lot to talk about," he lied. "Everything okay in here?"

Donna gave him a slightly damp, but happy smile. "Yeah, we're fine."

Josh made his way over to her. "I can see that," he said with a smile of his own. A warmth spread through his chest and he felt like he could stand there and watch them forever.

"Hey, what's that?" Josh said noticing a new piece of equipment sitting on the bed table. 

Donna glanced over and frowned a little. "Oh, that," she sighed softly. "It's a breast pump. The nurse brought it in after Stanley left."

In a million years, he never would have guessed that's what it was. "But…why do you need that? I thought MJ couldn’t have your milk right now because of all the medication they’ve got you on.”

“She can’t, but as it turns out if I don’t start breast feeding or pumping very soon, I’ll stop producing,” she explained.

“So soon?” he asked with frown. With all his ‘father-to-be’ research, he hadn’t gotten very far into the subject of breast feeding.

“Yeah, I had a little help because having a C-section can and in my case, did, delay my milk production from starting for a couple days. But the nurse told me if I don’t start draining off my milk within 3 or 4 days after my body starts producing, it will dry up.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize.”

“Yeah,” Donna said quietly as she kept looking down at MJ. “Actually that’s not the worst part.”

“What do you mean?” he asked. 

"Since MJ's been on a bottle for the past week, she may have a hard time taking to breast feeding anyway. The nurse recommended that I might need to talk to a lactation consultant."

"But I thought that babies could do both," he said.

"Well, yes, but it's easier if they start with just breast feeding for the first few weeks and then add in bottle feeding if needed," she explained. "So it's possible that…MJ might not be able to, you know…" she said with a little catch in her voice. "Sorry, I know it's dumb to be so upset about it."

"Hey, it's not dumb," he said laying his hand on her uninjured shoulder. 

"I'm just…after everything, I'll be disappointed."

"Of course you will," he told her. "But, hey, we don’t know for sure that MJ won't be able to switch to breast feeding. Personally, I think after all she's survived to get here, breast feeding will be a piece of cake for her." He tried to give her an encouraging smile. "And in the off chance that breast feeding is out, we can still use your milk to bottle feed her."

She appreciated what he was saying and she looked up at him with a smile. "Yeah, I guess we could at that." 

An easy peace fell over the room as the two of them continued to watch MJ sleep.

"Whatcha thinking about?" he asked quietly.

"I was just thinking that I'd like a rocking chair," she said as she looked up at him. "For back at the house, I mean. I think MJ would like to be rocked and with my shoulder it would be easier for me than trying to jiggle her."

It was on the tip of his tongue to say that he knew she did like to be rocked as he'd rocked her in the nursery, but he was a little worried it would take away from Donna's moment so he didn't.

"It's a good idea," he said instead. "I'll have one waiting at the house for you."

She nodded. "Josh, does she ever cry for you?

He blinked at her in surprise. "MJ?"

"Yeah. It just seems like she never cries for you."

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Josh chuckled. "Boy, do I have you snowed."

Now it was her turn to be surprised. "What do you mean?"

"She cries on a fairly regular basis for me," he said. "I mean, sometimes I can get her to quiet down pretty easily and don’t get me wrong, she’s a really good baby, but there are times when she just seems to want to cry.”

“Really?” Donna said with a relieved smile.

“Yeah. It happened in the nursery a couple times. The nurses told me that even if you’re meeting the baby’s basic needs for food, a clean diaper and attention, sometimes they just want to cry. It’s another way of interacting with their own environment.”

“Stanley, said something like that too,” she said. Then she gave Josh a little grin. “I guess it’s kind of like enjoying the sound of your own voice.”

“Well, she is my daughter after all,” he teased. “You once said something about me never getting tired of the sound of my own voice.”

“I remember,” she said as they both smiled about it. 

That night at the White House and in his office seemed so long ago. Before MS and re-election and Zoey's kidnapping and Cliff and Amy, then Jack and well…Amy again had entered their lives. They'd come so far, personally and professionally…both together and apart, since that night. Looking back it was a little hard to believe so much water had gone under the proverbial bridge in their relationship.

“I’m sorry, Josh,” Donna said quietly.

“For what?”

“For everything. For the way I’ve been acting. For shutting you out,” she told him. “I’ve just…I’ve been scared.”

“Well, being in the hospital will do that, trust me, I know,” he replied.

“Not about that…I mean, yes getting shot and being here and having MJ early, have been scary, but I’m talking about being scared about what happens after the hospital.”

“What do you mean?”

She hated to admit this, but Stanley was right about Josh needing to know how she’d been feeling.

“I’ve been pushing you away because I thought maybe you and MJ would be better off without me in your lives.”

Her confession stunned him. “How could you possibly think that?”

“Because I’ve been worried about being a good mother and good wife and being what you and MJ need,” she told him.

"What we need is YOU, Donna,” he told her. “Don’t you see how much we need you? How much ‘I’ need you?” Now it was his turn to get a little emotional. “God, Donna, if you were gone…don’t you know how much…how much I’d miss you every day? It’d be like a piece of me was missing.”

Needing to touch him, she moved her injured arm enough that he could reach it. “Give me your hand.”

Josh reached out and took her hand carefully in his. “You’re not going anywhere…” he ordered.

“I know I’m not. ‘Cause I need you too,” she said tearfully.

“Well, just remember that, because if you did try and make a break for it, I’d find you,” he smiled at her. “In case you haven’t heard, I personally know the President of the United States.”

She grinned back at him as an amazing warmth spread through her. “Yeah, I think I did hear something about that.”

Josh couldn’t resist the urge to kiss her any longer. Being careful of MJ, he leaned in and captured Donna's mouth in a gentle, lingering kiss.

"I missed being able to do that," he admitted.

The feeling of Josh's lips on hers had washed away the sense of disconnection Donna had been experiencing for the last few days and she knew without a doubt that they'd come through this stronger than ever. 

"You'll never have a need to miss it again."


	46. Chances

Chapter 46

Three months later…

Hovering in the blissful grayness between sleep and wakefulness, Donna smiled as she heard Josh's key turn in the door.

It was late, almost midnight and he'd called her six times since four that afternoon to apologize. He'd been back at work for almost two months, but this was the first night he'd been home later than six o'clock. All it had taken was a little thing like a coup in Central Africa and the threat that it had posed to the US Embassy there to do it.

Things in their lives had finally settled down in the months since the shooting at the courthouse. The trial had finished and all the defendants had been found guilty. The protection the FBI and Secret Service had been giving to Josh, Donna and MJ had been lifted and the three of them had officially moved into Josh's brownstone. 

The medication having worked wonders for her post partum depression, Donna had been taking care of MJ and getting her shoulder back in shape with physical therapy. She'd also been looking into taking classes at Georgetown starting with the summer session. As for Josh, his leg had healed and once Donna had gotten strong enough to take care of MJ without him there, he'd gone back to work at the White House. He'd even gotten his job as Deputy Chief of Staff back since Cliff Calley had bailed out of the position a month earlier.

Lying in bed, Donna listened to Josh enter the apartment.

Even with her eyes closed, she could see him in her head as he moved around the apartment. She heard him drop his bag by the door and his keys on the dining room table. Then she heard a quiet 'thunk' and his steps got much softer so she assumed he'd removed his shoes to keep the noise to a minimum. Next, she heard him switch off the living room lamp she'd left on low for him, plunging the apartment largely into darkness.

As if on cue, she heard 'thump' and a scraping sound followed by a muffled curse as she guessed he'd bashed his knee or shin on something…probably the small coffee table or one of the end tables in the living room.

After a moment, during which she imagined he massaged his shin or knee, she heard his footsteps coming toward their bedroom, but she knew that wasn't his destination. Her assumption was proven correct when the muted sound of his steps walked past the bedroom and headed down the hall.

Sleepily, she observed the fading of his footsteps as he went down the hall and then the gradually rising sound of them being picked up on the baby monitor sitting by her bed as he walked into MJ's room.

"Hey, sleepy girl," he whispered, obviously trying not to wake up a soundly sleeping MJ. "Mommy said you were a good girl today. You're eating like you're supposed to and she said you smiled today."

There was a long pause.

"I'm sorry...." his voice had just the hint of a catch to it. "…I'm sorry I wasn't here to see it. I do love that smile of yours." He paused again. "Even if you were awake, I know you wouldn't understand this, but Daddy had to try and help some people in Africa. I promise I'll try not to let work get in the way of being with you or your mom."

Donna heard the sound of him winding up the colorful mobile hanging over her crib. The soft, tinkling sound of the music came through the monitor clearly and she imagined Josh standing there watching MJ sleep. It so often touched and amazed her just how deeply Josh loved the simple joys associated with being a father. 

"Sweet dreams, little one," he finally whispered.

Working in reverse, she heard his footsteps fade on the baby monitor and grow louder in her ears as he got closer to their bedroom.

With her eyes still closed, she couldn't keep the smile off her face as she heard him undressing in the darkened bedroom. Even in the dark, she could tell from the sound that he'd peeled off his suit and tossed it near the hamper but had missed it completely.

After he made a quiet side trip to the bathroom, she felt the bed dip a bit as his weight settled onto the other side of the bed. 

For a second she wondered if he was tired enough to just snuggle in and go to sleep, but then she felt his hands on her in the dark and knew he had more on his mind than sleep.

His hands slid under the t-shirt she was wearing, teasing and finding places he knew now by touch and practice.

"Someone's feeling frisky," she murmured.

"You have no idea," he chuckled softly as he started to pull off her shirt.

Lifting her arms, she felt goose bumps rise over her skin as her shirt slid off. "That bodes well for me then."

"I missed you tonight."

"I like being missed," she said chuckling back.

His hands paused for a second. "I'm really sorry about tonight. I swear I couldn't…."

If she'd been able to accurately find it in the dark she would have covered his mouth with her hand. 

"Josh, if you apologize one more time, there will be no friskiness, I will put my shirt back on, turn over and go back to sleep."

"But…"

Carefully, she managed to find his head with her hand and she trailed her hands through his hair. "You don't have to say anything, Josh. You know I understand. I've been there with you, I know the hours can be long."

He was quiet for a moment. "I just want to be here for you and MJ," he said. "I don't want to miss stuff."

"You won't, Josh. I already promised not to let you miss the important stuff." She smiled in the dark. "Don't you trust me?"

Josh's voice was low and serious when he answered. "With my life."

Her next sensation was the feel of his lips on her mostly healed shoulder as he kissed the puckered pink surgical scar that matched the two scars she had on her back.

"How's your shoulder?" he asked gently as his lips continued to brush over her skin.

"Okay," she replied. "A little sore from my therapy, but I'm getting more strength back every time I go."

"Excellent," he said in almost a low growl as his mouth began working its way across her collarbone and his hands slid up from her waist.

Donna shivered slightly as he palmed both her breasts and she arched into his touch automatically. These days, her breasts were so sensitive that having him touch them was almost painfully erotic. The feeling only escalated as his mouth moved down to replace his hands.

When his lips gently fastened around her nipple, a bolt of fire went straight to her core. "Josh…" she half moaned.

"Hmmm…?" he hummed against her breast, knowing exactly what he was doing to her.

Donna She squirmed slightly as the tingling wetness gathered between her legs. 

While his mouth was working on her breasts, his hands had plans of their own. They slid back down her torso to the waistband of her flannel pajama bottoms. Tugging them and her underwear down in one motion, Donna helped by kicking them off under the covers, until she was deliciously naked.

Feeling his hand caressing the inside of her thigh as it rose higher, she marveled at how fast he could have her begging and ready for him. "Josh, I need you."

"And you'll…have me," he replied between nibbling kisses. "But I'm not done having you yet."

His hands, now practiced at just how to touch her, moved deftly over her body and pushed her to the first crest before she even knew what was happening. Just as she began to peak, Josh's mouth crashed down on hers in a shattering kiss and absorbing what would surely have been a shout or cry loud enough to wake MJ.

Easing his touch on her body, he waited as she began to come down. Pulling back a little, he saw the outline of her face in the dark and heard her breathing beginning to return to normal. "How are you doin' there, Donnatella?"

Feeling his gaze on her almost as acutely as his hands, she laughed lightly. "I'm good…very, very good," she told him. "Now…how do you propose I go about making sure that we're BOTH very, very good?"

"I'm sure you'll think of something," he chuckled back. "You have quite the fertile imagination."

Feeling a little devilish, Donna tugged him down to kiss her and while she had him distracted, she deftly flipped him over so he was flat on his back. "Now that you mention it, I do have a couple of tricks we might try," she said, tugging his boxers and his t-shirt off.

"See, I knew you would," he laughed, but it turned into more of a moan when she straddled him. 

"It would seem you really did miss me today," she said wiggling her hips and making him gasp from the friction. 

Looking at her pale shadow looming over him, he was struck by the fact that this was where they always worked, these moments between them when everything else fell away.

Lifting his hands to her face, he pulled her mouth down to his and kissed her tenderly. "I love you, Donna."

Although he had no problem saying it on a regular basis, hearing him saying it right then had surprised her. But the tone in his voice told her that he was not saying it lightly. She laid her hands on his chest.

"I love you, too, Josh…" she said softly with her face just inches from his. Then she punctuated each of her next words with a gentle kiss. "…madly…deeply… passionately…desperately." Then she gave him an especially long, deep kiss. "Let me show you."

"Yeah…" he whispered a little breathlessly as his hands slid down to caress her arms.

She made love to him slowly, thoroughly, as if they had all the time in the world. And a case could be made for the fact that they did. They had a pretty open road ahead of them and in some ways, it was like they’d been released from the prison of the last year and everything was fresh and new. 

Later, when they both lay there, sated and quiet, with the covers pulled over them, Josh stroked Donna’s back rhythmically.

"I really am sorry I was late," he said brushing his lips against her temple.

Deciding not to give him any more crap about the continued apologizing, her fingers toyed lightly with his hair.

"Welcome home, Josh."

**********

Rolling over, Josh reached out for Donna, but found the bed next to him empty. Looking at the clock he saw it was about 3 am. Then he heard Donna's voice coming over the baby monitor as she sang gently to MJ. 

"I see skies of blue…and clouds of white…the bright, blessed day…the dark, sacred night…and I think to myself…what a wonderful world…"

Josh laid there and just listened.

"…the colors of the rainbow…so pretty in the sky…are also on the faces of people going by…I see friends shaking hands…saying how do you do…they're really saying…I love you…"

Throwing back the covers, Josh slid out of bed, pulled his boxers on and shuffled down the hall to MJs room. Standing in the doorway, he leaned against the door frame and watched Donna and MJ as they sat in the wooden rocking chair. Soft light from the night light in MJ's room, flowed over them like warm water. 

"…I hear babies cry…I watch them grow…they'll learn much more than I'll ever know…and I think to myself…what a wonderful world…"

Although she'd pulled her pajama bottoms back on and had thrown a light blanket around her shoulders against any chill seeping into the room on that April night, Donna hadn't put her t-shirt back on and she was bare breasted as she fed a half-asleep MJ. Despite their earlier worries, MJ had adjusted to breast feeding just fine. 

"…yes…I think to myself…what a wonderful world…"

'My two miracles,' he thought as she finished the song and Donna's voice drifted off. He couldn't imagine his life without them.

Sensing his silent presence, Donna looked up and saw him in the doorway. 

"What’s wrong?" She asked with a frown as she saw the oddly intense expression on his face.

His eyes went back and forth between her and MJ. “Nothing, I was just thinking.” 

Donna watched a little smile cross his lips and she cocked her head in curiosity. “About what?”

Smiling wider, he walked into the room and laid his hand lovingly on MJ's head, but his eyes were locked with Donna's when he spoke. “I just realized this is what it’s like to feel happy.”

The End


End file.
